House (2004–2012): Season 8, Episode 8 - Perils of Paranoia - full transcript

And you're sure
he didn't leave until after 9:00?

Absolutely. We watched
the Devils demolish the Rangers.

The game started
at 7:00.

Neither of you stepped
out between periods?

Get beer,
pick up a pizza?

We stayed at my place,
we were together the whole time.

- And you said the Devils won?
- Yeah. Four-zip.

Kovalchuk had two,
Arnott and Parise each had one,

and Marty
got the shutout.

I'm sorry? Marty?

Martin Brodeur,



Devils' starting goalie
for, like, the past 20 years.

He played awesome,
as usual.

Your Honor, may I submit the sports
page from the New Jersey Chronicle

on October 9th, 2011?

Objection. Relevance.

Goes to the witness'
credibility.

Go quickly.

Would you please
read the caption under the photo?

(CLEARING THROAT) "Martin
Brodeur stops one of his 36 saves

"on the way
to a shutout victory."

That's what I just said.

That the defendant couldn't
have possibly committed the robbery

because he was with you,

watching Martin Brodeur
shut out the Rangers.



Yes.

Thank you.

Your Honor, may I submit the Chronicle
sports page from October 10th?

- Your Honor...
- This is what you call going quickly?

Just two more questions.
I promise.

Please read the highlighted
text at the bottom of the page.

"In Sunday's
sports section,

"New Jersey Devils'
goaltender, Johan Hedberg, was..."

That's it. Keep going.

"...misidentified
as Martin Brodeur

"in a photo caption
and box score."

(PEOPLE MURMURING)

An understandable mistake

given that Martin Brodeur was
scheduled to start, but bowed out

after taking a shot to
the throat in warm-up.

Which brings me to
my most relevant question.

Did you and the defendant spend
the evening of October 8th

watching
the Devils game on TV,

or did you just read about the
game in the Chronicle

while concocting
this false alibi?

(CLEARING THROAT)

I--- I---

Excuse me, Your Honor,
may I approach?

You sure you don't want to wait
till after he answers your question?

No.

I'm gonna
need a continuance.

Now? You're one answer away
from destroying their whole defense.

- Your Honor...
- Oh, shut up.

You know it's true.

- Let's finish this up.
- I can't.

Why the hell not?

Because I think
I'm having a heart attack.

JUDGE FOLEY: Great.
Call an ambulance.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

FOREMAN: Thinks he had
a heart attack, but didn't.

His EKG, cardiac enzymes
and catheterization are all normal.

Because it's
an anxiety attack.

Probably because
he just turned 40

and still goes by
the name "Tommy."

It's not anxiety.

I had the ER docs
interview his wife,

she confirmed he's
been feeling fine.

Nothing out of the ordinary at work
or at home.

She probably also believes
that he thinks

Salma Hayek's breasts
are too big.

Which is why I had
them admit him anyway

and treat with alprazolam.
No improvements.

- Because...
- Because for some patients,

the diagnosis of anxiety
disorder can actually increase anxiety.

Which is also why I told him
he had a minor respiratory infection

that was easily curable
by the medication.

You lied?

I ruled out heart attack
and anxiety disorder.

Interesting.

I know.

TAUB:
Impressive.

What, the wiliness with which
Foreman ruled out anxiety,

or his complete wiliness-lessness
before he met me?

The fact that you managed
to smear jelly on nearly every page.

Shingles could cause chest pain
before a rash appeared.

Pain would be restricted to one
dermatome, not cross them.

Asthma induced
pneumothorax would,

and might not show up
on a posteroanterior x-ray.

No history of asthma.

They did
a lateral view as well.

No sign of pneumothorax
or deep sulcus sign.

I treated an inmate once
with similar symptoms

after he tried to poison his cellmate
with chlorine gas.

He didn't realize sharing a cell
also meant sharing the air?

JESSICA: Chlorine gas
pools near the ground.

He thought he'd be safe
in the top bunk.

But why would anyone
try to poison our guy?

TAUB: He makes a living
sending people to prison.

But he's not in prison, and it's kind
of hard to gas a guy

unless you can seal him
in a room first.

Which is why Arceus created a
universe with three states of matter,

and 300 solid and liquid poisons that
could cause his symptoms.

' Malls

Look it up.
And alkalinize his urine.

Then search his home,
talk to his wife.

See if you can get her to tell us
what she used.

Wait, why would you think
his wife poisoned him?

Because dangerous people don't break
into your home, they live in it.

And although his kids are old
enough to want Daddy dead,

they're still too young
to do anything about it.

It must be such a pleasure
to live in your head.

You're right. The kids might
be precocious.

You handle his house.
You handle him and his wife.

They get to just
hang out and do nothing?

If you need help,
you can take whoever you want.

- I'll take Taub.
- I'll take Taub.

- Interesting.
- No, it's not.

It was a 50-50 choice.
I'm totally fine with Taub or Park.

Cool. I'll take Taub.

And I'll take Park.

That was fun.

Not really.

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

Nice move, boss.
Lying to the patient.

I had no choice.
I knew House wouldn't

take the case unless
I ruled out anxiety.

You need a girlfriend.

To keep me from
lying to patients?

To give you
the excitement you need

so you don't go
looking for it.

You're not working
for House anymore.

Which means you no longer have him
to blame if you get caught.

I'm not looking for excitement,
I'm doing my job.

Part of which is
to make sure House does his.

Girlfriend might
not be so bad.

It's less dangerous
than where you're headed,

and that's from a guy
with one alimony

and two
child support payments.

JESSICA: It's this new
curve control thing.

It automatically
slows the car

when it senses I'm taking
a curve too fast.

You really think
I care about your car,

or are you just trying
to avoid talking about

why you don't
like working with me?

There's nothing
to talk about.

House liked poking ant hills
with a stick when he was a kid,

and now he wants to
do the same with us.

House is an ass,
but he's an intuitive ass.

He obviously
noticed something.

Yeah, the fact that
we work well together.

He thrives on conflict and is
looking for someone to torment.

Don't let it be us.

OLIVIA: I don't see how
that's possible.

Tommy's the most popular guy
in his office.

He's even had defendants
thank him after they were sentenced.

Why would
they thank him?

Because he doesn't
treat them like scum.

He makes them feel like he's
helping by offering a plea,

or even just by letting them pay their
debt and clear their conscience.

And even if someone
wanted to poison him,

I don't see how
they would do it.

He never eats or drinks anything
that we haven't made at home.

Wait, you mean, literally, like,
not even a bottle of water?

No.

So, he was obviously
afraid of something.

Yeah.
Rats, mice, cockroaches.

My first job out of law school
was at the Health Department.

If you'd seen
some of the kitchens

and the processing
plants I have,

you'd cook all
your own food, too.

The poison wouldn't
have to be in food.

Have you gotten any strange
letters or packages recently?

No.

It also wouldn't
have had to be at work.

We've got two young kids.

There's definitely
no poisons

I could've accidentally
been exposed to at home.

What if it wasn't
an accident?

How are things between
you and your wife?

(LAUGHS)

Are you asking me if I think
my wife is trying to kill me?

Yes. I am.

Absolutely not.

This is coming from a man
whose eyes are wide open.

I've prosecuted hundreds
of despicable acts

by husbands, wives, parents.
I can assure you...

I love my husband.

And I would not ever,
even for a second,

consider doing anything
to hurt him.

No pesticides, fertilizers,
or fuel in the garage.

You find anything?

No. There's not even a bottle
of Wite-Out in this place.

Maybe we should
look again.

Maybe we should leave
before the police get here.

Well, even if a neighbor saw us
break in and called 911,

unless they said we were
armed, it's low priority.

We've got
another five minutes.

He's a prosecutor. Obviously
he knows a lot of cops.

His house is not
gonna be a low priority.

Good point.

Wait.

The dining room's on the
other side of that wall.

Yeah, so?

But it ends, like,
3 feet further over.

You gotta be kidding me.

A second ago,
you wanted to run like hell

and now you want to look
for secret passages?

There's a magnet
on the fridge they use

to open child proofed
cabinets. Go get it.

Hurry UP-

Here.

(TAPPING)

(CLINKS)

Holy crap.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Don't tell me.

The jealous wife,
in the dining room,

with bipyridyl herbicide.

CHI ON PHONE:
We didn't find any poisons.

You obviously
found something.

Yeah. A hidden bunker with enough
guns to defend Fort Knox.

Or break into it.

Cool.

That's impossible. You must've
broken into the wrong house.

Then you have
creepy neighbors

because there were photos of you
and your kids all over.

I don't understand.
How could this...

I had it put in during
the remodel last year.

But we went over
the plans together.

It's not on the plans.

I didn't want the city
to know about it.

I'm sorry.

I should've told you.
I just...

I didn't want you
and the kids to worry.

About what?

Tommy, what is it? Why would you
think you needed so many guns?

(SIGHS)

You're not gonna
believe this.

(SPEAKING LATIN)

He's worried that
"Too big to fail"

applies to our banks
but not our government.

How'd you know?

Because it's what
every idiot with a bunker

full of assault rifles
is scared of.

Heather Sweeney?

It'll just be a couple minutes
till someone's ready to see you.

Maybe it's not stupidity,
it's a symptom.

Cocaine abuse can cause
paranoia and chest pain.

This isn't necessarily paranoia.
Societies do fall apart.

Look what happened
with London in the riots.

There's a difference
between an isolated riot

and the fall
of civilization.

April Donaldson?

Sorry, misspoke.

Imagine what would happen
if there was a terrorist attack

on the food supply,

or a pandemic where we had
to ration the antibiotics.

That's ridiculous.

Ouch.

Oh, shut up. We know what you're
trying to do and it's not gonna work.

It was a little harsh.

Stop being so...

What? Paranoid?

You're gonna look pretty foolish
if that was a wrong guess.

I think you're a good person
and a fine doctor,

but it's ridiculous
to think anyone needs

an arsenal
of assault weapons.

He's obviously paranoid.
What about Fahr's disease?

- He's not hallucinating.
- As far as we know.

We should do a mental
status examination

and get a CT of
his basal ganglia.

No, we shouldn't.
If it's not poison,

it's most likely
atrial fibrillation

brought on by
hyperthyroidism or sleep apnea.

(SPITS)

Looks like we got ourselves a
good old fashioned cat fight.

No, we don't. We have a
reasoned disagreement.

Still, there's only
one way to settle this.

Actually, there's two,
but we don't have

enough Jell-O
for the first.

Mini-mental, CT,
and get a hair sample

to check
for past cocaine use.

Check his TSH levels
and get a sleep study.

Sorry, gotta make it
a fair fight,

which means
you're stuck with her.

He's not stuck with me.

And it's not a fight.

Excuse me, miss.

What is your name?

Mariel Wilkerson.

Hah.

You don't look like a Mariel.
You're up.

(BLINDS CLOSING)

So what do you think?
ls the patient paranoid or am I?

I don't think stockpiling weapons
is the most reasoned response,

but given what I've seen at
Bloomingdales on Black Friday,

I wouldn't say it rises to the level
of mental illness.

And me?

Again, given what I've seen
at Bloomingdales...

Don't let House
get to you.

It's all of you. I feel
like you don't respect me.

Chase certainly
didn't try to hide it.

Chase respects you.

He's just more comfortable
working with me

because he's
known me longer.

And I'm not just saying that
because you own a gun.

I don't own a gun.

I've thought about it,
but I'd probably

end up shooting someone
in my own family.

Like, when my brother tosses his
toenail clippings behind the couch.

What about you?

If anarchy breaks out,

I plan to do what my ancestors
have done throughout the ages, run.

FOREMAN:
Sounds like a good plan.

You got a moment?

Stop telling the nurses
I'm looking for a girlfriend.

What makes you...
Two lunch offers

and a box of cupcakes
since this morning.

So a few people are nice
to you and your first thought is,

"Hmm. This seems strange."

I haven't even had time
to eat my own lunch,

much less run around trying
to recruit nurses for yours.

So can I get back
to work?

You're lying,
aren't you?

It's for his own good.

HOUSE: He's not paranoid,
he's just stupid.

Well, shouldn't you put
yourself in that group?

You own a gun.

Our patient doesn't own a
gun, he owns an arsenal.

And I don't own a gun.

Yes, you do.
And you're a felon.

So, you'll end up
back in jail...

That is actually not one of the many
reasons that I don't own a gun.

Why would I need a gun? The only
thing I own worth protecting,

a thief would need a crane
to get out of my apartment.

You don't own
anything you need.

You own things you want.

And you're definitely the type
who'd want a gun.

You like
anything dangerous.

Monster trucks,
motorcycles, fireworks.

Everyone loves fireworks.

Watching them,
not making them.

I'm telling the truth.

I stand corrected.

If you believe me, then
this issue will be resolved

with no further
action necessary.

Absolutely.

It's not resolved,
is it?

Not even close.

(DOOR OPENS)

It's not cocaine.
Hair samples were clean.

It's not looking good
for Fahr's either.

I'm not seeing
any calcifications.

You sure?

They can be pretty hard to
detect in people under 50.

See?

What?

We all disagree
all the time.

It's not just
me and Park.

Nice try, but I'm not
getting in the middle.

So why didn't you want to go with
her this morning?

She's weird.

She's not weird.
She's a good doctor.

Most good doctors are weird.
Look at House.

Am I weird?

Yeah, but you're hot, so it's
easier to put up with.

You're completely normal
and a pleasure to deal with.

You're weird.

In a good way?

Maybe we should just concentrate
on the medicine.

You own any guns?

That's not medicine.

But it's related
to medicine. Kind of.

What do you think?

Yeah.
But not for protection.

Despite what the media
would have us believe,

you think we live
in a very safe world.

You just think
they're fun.

How did you know?

Working in a prison,
you learned

criminals rarely
target random strangers,

and you've got more money
than you know what to do with,

so anything that
seems different and fun is worth trying.

And you?

Not here in the States. Back home,
I keep a few for hunting 'roes.

You hunt kangaroos?

But they're so cute.

They're also delicious.

You're screwing
with me.

Totally.

There's no calcification.

Looks like
we're both wrong.

CHI:
You don't need to stay.

We won't have the results
until the morning.

It's okay. I'll stay.

Go. I'm sure your mother's
ready for a break by now.

Give the kids a kiss
for me.

You think it's the end of
the world, but you wanted kids.

Oh, honey, come on.

I don't think the world's
coming to an end.

Look.

You have a spare tire
in your car, right?

That's what
those guns are.

I mean, I hope to God
I never have to use one.

But if we can wake up

and learn that the entire banking
system has gone bankrupt overnight,

it just seems stupid not to have
a jack in the trunk.

Just in case.

And you've always...

What's that from?

I don't know.

CHI:
You don't feel that?

No.

He also spiked a fever
overnight. Could be TB.

- You wanna say it?
- Say what?

There's no sign of atelectasis
or infiltrates on the chest x-ray.

Yeah. That's med-speak
for, "She's an idiot."

TAUB: Systemic sclerosis
can cause lower extremity ulcers.

It would have to
be pretty far along.

His first symptom was
just a few days ago.

His paranoia started
at least a year ago.

If he's paranoid.

HOUSE: So it's
either not sclerosis,

or it's extremely
aggressive sclerosis.

We should biopsy the skin lesion
and start him on enoxaparin.

Shouldn't we wait for the biopsy
results before we start treatment?

Now's your chance.
She's leading with her chin.

I agree with her.

No, you don't.

Which means
you're both idiots.

Get to work.

I know you don't
think I'm an idiot.

Does it matter?

If you're just looking to
amuse yourself at my expense, then no.

But if you feel the need
to manipulate me

to make me useful,
then yes.

I thought we'd
gotten past that.

If we hadn't gotten
past that, you wouldn't be here.

But ability isn't always enough.
Just ask Yngwie Malmsteen.

So this is you
trying to help me?

No, this is me helping me, and amusing
myself at your expense.

Which brings us back to,
why do you care?

I deserve respect.
I'm a good doctor.

People respect you.

They just
don't like you.

CHASE:
Where's your wife?

(GASPING FOR BREATH)
She just needed some time.

Not a fan of the guns,
I take it.

It's not the guns,
it's...

I shouldn't
have lied about it.

I'm guessing it's
a little of both.

And a little of,
"Who the hell is this guy?"

I'm not a nutcase.

I just want to do everything
I can to protect my family.

Don't worry,
I'm sure she understands.

ETHAN: At first I thought
it might be frostbite.

But I haven't really
been out in the cold.

And yet your first
thought was frostbite?

Yeah. I guess I was just
going by how it looks.

It looks absolutely
nothing like frostbite.

You serious?

With some difficulty.

Then what is it?

A sign that you need
to take a long vacation.

At least a month.

A vacation?

Wait, is this like
a Bucket List thing?

It's cancer?

It's silver.

I'm guessing silver nitrate
mixed with petroleum jelly

that your boss put
on the petty cash

so he'd know who to have
arrested for stealing it.

Damn.

Yeah. Damn.
(PAGER BEEPING)

It's diffused
into your skin.

The only way to get rid of
it is to get new skin.

That normally happens
every 30 days, so...

I hear that La Crosse,
Wisconsin

has got the world's
largest beer can.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Here's the per diem
schedules.

These are supposed to
be in a computer file.

Sorry, since Claudine left, no one's
been inputting the numbers.

I miss Claudine.

She left
because of you.

I thought
that was Nadine.

Her, too.

Where are you going?
You still have an hour left.

Emergency page
takes precedence.

Can you...

I don't know how
to use the program.

Then find someone who does.
I gotta get out of here.

(SIGHS)

Got your page-

You're an ass!

Admit it.

Let me down.

After you admit it.

I'm a little tired.
I think I'm gonna go...

All right,
I admit it.

Despite the fact that I know
there's a gun in here,

I'd never find it because
you are more devious...

- Clever.
- Devious.

(YAWNS)

All right.
Fine, clever.

More clever, and you'll always
be one step ahead of me.

(PAGER BEEPING)

ANITA: You're either
preparing to fight Pacquiao,

or you're having
one heck of a bad day.

I'm Anita.

Eric. Nice to meet you.

And you can tell Taub

that he's gonna get the same
treatment as this heavy bag

if he doesn't
cut this crap out.

Who's Taub?

You know, I'm sure
you're a nice person,

and you have no idea what you've
gotten sucked into,

but really,
I'm not interested.

Okay, and I'm sure
you're a nice person,

but I just moved
from Atlanta,

and this is my first time
at this gym,

so I definitely don't know
who this Taub guy is.

But I already agree.
He's a jerk.

(LAUGHS)

Are you sure you don't want
to start over?

Take your time.
I'll be around.

Taub, it's Foreman.

TAUB ON PHONE:
Can't talk now. Little busy.

What's going on?

(GRUNTING)

(YELLS)

Need some droperidol
in here!

L gotta g0-

He was hallucinating he was
being attacked by bears.

Points again to paranoia.

I agree,
except for the "again."

Acute onset points
to tularemia.

Or it's been chronic, which points
to GAD autoimmunity.

Explains
the neurological impairment,

as well as
the normal blood work.

Tularemia doesn't always show
up in the blood work either.

CHASE: You know what else
doesn't show up in the blood work?

Nothing. This could
all be psychiatric.

An untreated
schizoid disorder,

he's finally lost
the ability to suppress.

Schizophrenia doesn't cause skin
ulcers or fevers.

No, but digging delusions
out of your skin

with dirty fingernails
could cause both.

I don't think
he's a psych case.

Because you're
paranoid about paranoia.

Because his symptoms point toward
an infection that's spread to his brain.

I think we should treat with
high dose broad spectrum...

Which will kill him
if it's a GAD autoimmunity.

Treat for GAD.

Corticosteroids and
IV immunoglobulin.

I'm not paranoid.
And they don't dislike me.

They don't even
really know me.

Did they tell you that?

I didn't ask because
you wouldn't believe the answer.

If it makes you feel
better to think that.

You're the one
everyone dislikes.

You probably don't
even think it's GAD.

You're just agreeing
with her

because you think
it'll create more conflict between us.

There's only one way
to find out.

Actually, there's two, but we're
still waiting for that Jell-O delivery.

Let me know
how it goes.

Gotcha!

You poor dumb bastard.

Touché.

(CHUCKLES)

(MOANING)

God, this is
exactly what I needed.

Tell me about it.

- MAN: Nita?
- Oh, my God.

Who's that,
your roommate?

No. It's just...
You have to go.

- Why, what's the big deal?
- Please, I'm... I'll explain later.

Just hurry up, please.

You have a boyfriend?

No, he's not
my boyfriend.

He's my husband.
I'm really sorry.

Hey, I thought you weren't
getting back till tomorrow.

CHI: His fever's going
through the roof,

which means we were
wrong about GAD,

and the steroids kicked the
infection into high gear.

Or it is GAD and we
started treatment too late.

Increase the steroid dose.

CHI ON PHONE:
We can't.

If it's an infection,
we'll kill him for sure.

With neurological symptoms progressing
this fast, he's dead either way.

If we increase the steroids,
either death comes slower,

which means we were too late
with the GAD, or death comes faster,

which means we were too
stupid with the infection.

We were already stupid with
infection, but it's not too late.

He's young and was perfectly
healthy two days ago.

He can fight this off,
if we give him a chance.

Fine, but a shotgun is not
gonna work. We need a sniper rifle.

Start running DNA assays
for sporotrichosis,

meningococcemia, and any other
Boggle-winning words you can think of.

You just said you wanted to increase
the steroids.

Now you wanna just...

I changed my mind.

- But...
- Do what Park says.

(DOOR OPENS)

Well, you don't
have a gun.

But you do have
my sunglasses,

my tennis racket,
I can't imagine why...

Had to kill a mouse.

It's really hard with those stupid,
little sunglasses.

...and my money clip.

Was there
any money in it?

Not anymore.

Can I go to bed now, or do you want
to do a cavity search?

Lock up on your way out.

This is ridiculous.

Every moment we waste looking for
a phantom infection

is time we could
be treating him.

For the wrong diagnosis.
If it was GAD, he'd be having seizures.

JESSICA:
And if it was infection,

there would be some sign of it
in his blood or CNS,

- which there isn't.
- Yet.

I'm beginning to think
we should just go with House's idea.

This was House's idea.
He said...

No, I'm talking
about the Jell-O.

At least it wouldn't
be so annoying to watch.

(DOOR OPENS) Taub.
You got a minute?

You're an ass.
You know that?

What's the problem? Some cute,
young nurse baked you cookies?

No. Some guy almost
caught me making out

with his wife
in their living room.

And how exactly
is that my fault?

If you hadn't
been screwing with me

and put the idea
in my head...

So you don't date anyone unless
I put the idea in your head.

You really do need
psychiatric help.

Unlike you,
I don't need drama.

I like my job and
I'm happy with my life.

You're so happy
with your life

you've got nothing
better to do at midnight

than to come back
into work to yell at me?

Stay out of my business.

You're blaming
the wrong guy.

Good for him.

Married one's
not a keeper, but it's a start.

You're an idiot.

(PAGERS BEEPING)

(MONITOR BEEPING RAPIDLY)

He has stridor
but no obstruction.

He's anaphylaxing.
Get me a trach kit.

Scalpel.

(GASPING)

It's not working. There's no breath
sounds. Doesn't make any sense.

His trachea's blocked
below the incision point.

- We need racemic epinephrine.
- We tried that already.

TAUB: We're gonna try again.
It's our only choice.

We got him breathing,
but barely.

At least we know tracheal
edema isn't from anything we did.

Because we're
not doing anything.

Which is a good thing because
neither GAD nor a systemic infection

would cause anaphylaxis
or tracheal edema.

CHI: And an allergic reaction
wouldn't get worse

three days after
he was admitted.

So we got nothing.

Unless he was
still being poisoned.

JESSICA: By who?

His wife wasn't even here
when he hallucinated.

Good question.

Now we're the ones
being paranoid.

What about
squamous cell carcinoma?

If it's only
in his epithelium,

it wouldn't show up
on his chest x-ray.

It is possible, but...

Wouldn't cause
hallucinations.

It could if he also had
paraneoplastic syndrome.

Get a biopsy.

You think it's cancer?

I think you should
get a biopsy.

Admit it.

Two hours ago, I found this
in your closet

in a box
with your name on it.

I knew you'd move it somewhere
outside your apartment

until you were certain
I'd given up looking.

So, I had to convince you
that I'd given up looking.

It's not a gun.

(LAUGHS)

Yes. It's a paperweight

with a handy
storage compartment

for .45-caliber bullets.

- And that's not a bullet.
- Admit it.

I'm more clever and more devious.
You can even have it back.

It's not my problem
if you go back to prison.

My problem is you thinking you're
always one step ahead of me.

This proves nothing,
because it's not a gun.

It's a prOP-

From Dorothy Dietrich's
magic act.

(LAUGHS)
Look it up.

She's the only woman ever to do
the catch a bullet trick.

I won this off her prop master
in a poker game.

- House...
- It's fake.

It's plugged.

Look for yourself.

Hey! Hey! Don't point
that thing at me.

It's not dangerous
because it's not a gun.

House...
House, just stop it.

Fine.

What the hell
are you doing?

- Pull the trigger.
- Don't be insane.

They're blanks.

You pull the trigger,

I drool a little fake blood,
and I spit out the bullet

that the audience thinks
I caught with my teeth.

Go ahead. Shoot me.

I'm not shooting you.

All right.
I'll shoot you.

Don't! House, don't!

Even if they are blanks,
people will freak.

It's not real.

Which means you didn't prove
that I have a gun,

which means
you've proved nothing.

Admit it.

Admit it.

All right.

All right, what?

You win.

And it feels good.

(GRUNTS)

You were wrong.

Don't feel too bad,
we all were.

His trachea wasn't swollen,
it was blocked.

By a psuedomembrane
growing across it.

Means he's not paranoid, is an idiot,
and was poisoned.

What are you doing?

Give me a Machida scope.

Hold his legs,
he's not gonna like this.

Because you're not
gonna be able to breathe.

(MONITOR BEEPING)

But I need to see
down your barrel.

Good news is,

the poison didn't
come from your wife.

It came from a little
bastard of a bacterium

whose crap can
cause chest pain,

respiratory distress,
skin ulcers,

the growth of
pseudomembrane across the airway,

and in very rare cases,
hallucinations.

(EXHALES DEEPLY)

Call the CDC. Tell them
we need antitoxin as soon as possible.

Diphtheria?

We didn't guess it
because nobody gets it.

Instead of building bunkers,
you should be getting boosters.

As in the routine vaccines
against stuff that is actually scary.

Diphtheria?

House pulled it
out of nowhere.

(LAUGHS)

Cool.

You just getting in?

I had a meeting about a new
parking validation system.

Cool.

How are you feeling?

Not great.

But better.

The antitoxin is working. He'll be
able to go home in a few days.

That's good news.

But we've moved out.

Oh, come on, honey.

I'm sorry I lied, but...

I know. Okay...

It was for our own good,
but I don't care.

I don't want to be lied to,
and I can't live like that.

And I can't live
in that home.

Oh, please, don't.

I love you.

I love you too,

which is why you're not
gonna live there either.

I don't care if
we might need them.

I just know that I can't
live my life feeling like we do.

It's not worth living
in fear.

Okay. I'm sorry.

(POP SONG PLAYING)

Hey.

Thanks.

You know, there's a bunch
of us going to happy hour after work.

I'm craving nachos.
You interested?

Thanks, but I got a
lot of work I need to get done.

Sure. Well, if you change
your mind, we'll be at Rudy's.

Okay-

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

Hey.

- Hey-
- Hey-

(SIGHS)

Would you like
to get a drink sometime after work?

You mean all of us?
Or just us?

I was thinking
just the two of us.

Did Taub
put you up to this?

No. It was just something I'd been
thinking about and I figured,

"What the heck?
Might as well ask."

Yeah, well, it's probably
not a good idea,

you know, with us
working together.

Didn't you marry someone
you used to work with?

Yeah, but...

All right, sure.
When?

- Tonight?
- Sure.

(SIGHS)

Hey, I changed my mind.

Okay-

ANITA: Glad you
changed your mind.

Hey.