House (2004–2012): Season 4, Episode 14 - Living the Dream - full transcript
House finds himself at odds with his team when he becomes convinced that an actor on his favorite soap, "Prescription Passion," has a serious medical condition.
Brock, what
are you doing?
Getting ready for surgery.
What's it look like?
You're operating
on my sister.
And my fiancée.
You're drunk.
You could kill her.
It's the only way
to stop my hands from shaking.
I need to drink.
For Anna.
What about our baby?
Our baby?
Brock! Oh, my God! Brock, are you okay?
Brock, speak to me.
Oh, my God!
I think he's really hurt.
Cut!
(BELL RINGS)
(SIGHS)
That was scary. I thought for a second
you were really...
Then you're going to be the only one
in the world who did.
This is ridiculous.
That was great, Evan.
No, it wasn't. It was crap.
The fans are going to love it.
The fans are crap. I'm crap.
This whole damn show is crap!
Sorry, not your fault.
Where are you going?
My apartment's on the West Side.
Excuse me, you need
to go the other way.
Hey, did you hear what I said?
What the hell's going
on here? What do you want?
HOUSE: An autographed
picture would be nice.
Oh, and I'm also going
to save your life.
You might want to think about
repositioning the crosswalk.
It's technically not a violation,
but the closer they are to the entrance,
the more likely
they are to be used.
Makes sense.
Listen, I actually wasn't
expecting you until next month.
Yeah, that's the problem with planned
visits, administrators plan for them.
The most recent New Jersey
Hospital Accreditation requirements.
Yeah, I'm familiar with...
(HORN HONKING)
Who is that?
I have no idea.
Shall we get started?
Just let me go. I won't press charges.
I'll forget the whole thing.
That's probably true,
seeing as how you have a brain tumor.
You're that nut-job doctor
that keeps calling my publicist.
Actually, I'm the nut-job
Head of Diagnostic Medicine.
I run every day. I don't get headaches.
I'm fine. So, if you don't mind...
Actually, I do mind.
I don't care if you die,
but if Brock Sterling dies,
Anna never finds out
he's the father of Marie's baby.
Help!
Help!
We're gonna need
a wheelchair here!
Look, in the last month,
your average line reading has slowed
from 2.1 seconds to 2.9.
You're pausing more,
always at the same interval,
every seven to nine words,
which means you're having trouble
reading one side of the teleprompter,
which means a peripheral
vision problem,
which means a tumor
in your occipital lobe.
Just one test. If there's nothing wrong,
I'll take you right back home.
Make it cab fare. I don't want you
anywhere near my house.
Just put it in my spot.
The Accreditation Board
is here to protect us and our patients.
So, in dealing with
the onsite inspector,
please behave as if it wasn't also an
enormous pain in the ass. Thank you.
Chase, Foreman, Cameron,
up here, please.
Why is House driving a limo?
- Don't know.
- Don't have to know.
Don't care.
CUDDY: Wrong. Until this inspection
is over you're back on House-watch.
Current case. Past cases.
He doesn't have
a current case.
I have a whole department.
And are you going
to fire us if we don't?
I was just asking
for your help.
The last time I checked the ER, you had
the best-kept charts in the building.
Last time I checked the 4th-floor
janitor's closet,
I found House's charts.
He hasn't filed anything
since you left.
Now, House may not care
whether this hospital's accreditation
gets downgraded,
but the people who sign my paychecks do.
So, I repeat: Current. Past.
He doesn't have
a current case.
Did he tell you
about the limo?
So, I just press this button
every time I see a light?
Tells me where
your blind spots are.
So, the twins,
they're going to turn out
to be yours, aren't they?
I told you, I can't
talk about that stuff.
But you want to be
done with this, right?
One's mine, one's Julio's.
I knew it!
Julio knocked her up before her appendix
burst. You got her after.
How can you watch that stuff?
Because it's awesome.
It's preposterous, not one real moment
since I've been on the show.
As opposed to shows that represent the
world exactly the way it is, like...
Can't think of any.
What's going on?
Hospital is being inspected, and Cuddy
dispatched you to keep an eye on me.
I just parked a Town Car
in an ambulance bay,
and instead of ripping me one,
Cuddy acted like she didn't know me.
It's either an inspection
or an aneurysm.
What's the test say?
As I suspected,
you have significant losses in the upper
right quadrant of your visual field.
Are you serious?
No, it's a joke.
Two guys go into a bar,
and one has significant losses in the
upper right quadrant
of his visual field.
The other one says you're
going to need an MRI
to confirm the type
and location of the tumor.
That readout says
his vision's fine.
HOUSE: No, it doesn't.
Yes, it does.
You lied to me?
I kidnapped you, and you're surprised
that I lied to you?
It just means that the symptoms
are intermittent.
You come near me again,
I'm calling the police.
You kidnapped him?
It's sweet that I haven't lost
the ability to surprise you.
Are you mocking me?
My back. My back
is killing me.
Don't care. Busy.
Amber's damn mattress.
Well, that sucks.
Don't buy a new one.
Are you being sarcastic?
Because we are buying one.
She's incapable of doing
anything that matters
without turning it
into a zero-sum game.
We're buying
a mattress. For us.
Wow, I'm faster
than you right now.
It's all about her and whatever hapless
salesman wanders into her sights.
She's going to lie, steal and trade your
testes to get whatever she wants.
Hold on. Just got to do something before
he dials the second "one."
You're going to end up
humiliated, holding her purse
and going home to sleep
on a new mattress you hate.
What the hell are you doing?
He needs a MRI.
Give me one-millimeter slices
from the cortex down.
Any particular reason you
decided to sedate a patient
for a procedure that's
completely painless?
Guy has a history of violent outbursts
during surgical procedures.
Yeah, on TV.
It's Evan Greer. He's the main stud
on House's soap.
Frontal cortex
looks clean. No tumors.
Increase the magnification
on the occipital lobe.
You watch because you
like or because I like?
I was unemployed. I...
(Buzzes)
Sorry, that's not an answer,
that's an apology.
If we are ever to come out of the
darkness, we have to be proud...
Occipital, frontal and temporal
lobes are clean, so is the optic nerve.
Definitely no tumors.
He's fine?
And awake.
(EVAN GROANING)
What should we tell him?
See if you can talk
him out of suing me.
He kidnapped me!
He drugged me!
Perhaps you should
go out the back way.
I'm not going anywhere
you people tell me to go.
It's just someone of your
fame... I figured fans...
You're trying to hide me.
You don't want me making a scene.
The hospital is being
inspected today.
And you want me
to do you a favor?
Not us, our dean of medicine.
And House hates her.
You'd be doing House
a favor by complaining.
Oh.
This hospital is staffed
with lunatics and criminals.
Excuse me, where is Dr. Cuddy?
It's my foot.
What did he do to me?
What did House do?
Nothing. I was with
him the whole time.
It's numb. I can't feel it.
I can't walk.
Foot numbness has
a huge differential.
That gets a lot narrower when you add
in peripheral-vision problems.
Which gets a lot wider when there's no
proof he ever had a vision problem.
KUTNER: So House was wrong
about the first symptom,
but the guy just
happened to develop
a second, unrelated symptom
a few hours later?
He already kidnapped
and sedated the guy against his will.
Makes sense he'd also do something to
numb his foot so he couldn't leave.
But it doesn't make sense to include
a symptom that he caused
in a differential he's
so desperate to solve.
Unless he didn't
mean to cause it.
Stick to the filing, sweetheart.
Let the doctors do the doctoring.
Either toxins
or vitamin deficiency...
I'm guessing, when
you drugged him,
you didn't catch him
and ease him to the floor.
He could've pinched a nerve
in his ankle when he fell.
You need to run an EMG test
for motor nerve entrapment
or the inspector
will own your ass.
Kutner, leave the room,
wait 30 minutes,
come back and tell her
the test was negative.
Is it okay if I use that
time to do the test?
Get out of here.
And the rest of them can
help me with all this stuff.
They're busy, which
is really annoying,
because I wanted to be able
to say that they're busy
for no other reason
than to screw with you.
Research.
(SIGHS)
So the nut job was right?
Usually is.
He said I was dying.
He's wrong a lot, too.
That's why we do these tests.
Bet it's cool, you know,
being the star of a hit TV show?
It's a daytime soap. it pretty much puts
me one step above dinner theater.
Come on, you're
on TV every day.
And who cares what the critics
think? Women love soaps.
You get to take pride in your job,
feel good when you go home at night.
You're entertaining people.
I don't care.
Then you've made
a strange career choice.
Look, I'm pandering.
I want to be part of something
that inspires people.
So, quit. Find something
inspiring and do it.
It's not that easy.
Why not?
Just isn't.
It's my heart, Doctor.
It's racing.
I'm sure it's nothing.
You're a healthy woman, Marie.
MARIE: Shouldn't you
examine me?
BROCK: Why don't you
have Rico do it?
You can't tell me
you didn't notice that pause.
Sorry.
She's never waking up.
This is a whole new
experience in super hi-def.
I had no idea Marie
wore an underwire.
It does sound a little forced.
Could be stiffening in his tongue,
which is a symptom of myxedema.
It's not the tongue. It's the dialogue.
I think I dated that nurse, though.
No.
What about the way he's
holding that stethoscope?
The thumb and forefinger
are meeting at an odd angle.
Could be a demyelination
from toxic exposure.
Back it up.
What's this, the AV Club?
It's diagnostic.
Everything's under control.
Yeah, excellent job
so far. House, outside.
Keep watching.
You'll never guess
what Rico's got in that box.
MARIE: Rico doesn't
even know I'm alive.
You have an obsession with an actor or
the character he plays. I feel for you.
You need to work it out.
But I need you to do it
when the hospital's accreditation,
and my job, are not on the line.
You want the star of the hottest daytime
drama on TV to die in your hospital?
No, I want you to cure him without
committing any more felonies.
I can't do my job if you're going
to tie my hands like that.
Fifty-one weeks
out of the year,
I let you run around
like a monkey in a banana factory.
All I'm asking is
that you tone it down for a few days.
I want that TV.
We're not bargaining.
You want something. Either you're
bargaining or you're begging.
Me keeping my job
is good for you.
Yes, but it's better for you.
I just want us to
be equally happy.
EMG was negative for nerve entrapment.
Means the foot's a real symptom.
It could be
vitamin deficiency.
- Or a toxin.
- Or atherosclerosis.
Or a toxin.
Why is toxin a better idea?
Might not be.
We'll know after I'm finished searching
his set and dressing room
for medically relevant stuff.
Got to go.
Need a decision.
You're not going to
cut your own throat.
Yeah, that sounds like me.
Test for heavy metals, organics, bio
toxins, and search the home.
I liked the pillow-top.
I like this one.
Great taste. That model's
top-of-the-line.
How much is it?
$1,999.
It's a great price.
- And what about...
- That's too rich for us.
I don't know. You think...
Honey, we can't afford that,
not with a baby on the way.
Congratulations.
Your first?
Yes.
How about I knock 100 bucks off,
maybe throw in free delivery.
Money's really
tight right now.
I'm a law clerk, and my husband
just got laid off.
He has an interview today.
Wish him luck.
Good luck.
Fingers crossed.
We might be able
to afford $1,500.
I'd have to check
with my manager.
Thanks. I appreciate it.
(PAGER BEEPING)
Hold this, would you?
911 from work. I better go.
So, am I getting the hard mattress or do
I have to go to my job interview?
Whatever mattress you
want. I'm fine either way.
You... Really?
Really. Just as long as
I get to help you break it in.
(SIGHS)
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Pack your manhood on ice,
maybe the hospital can re-attach it.
You were so wrong.
She's letting me choose.
"You choose" does
not mean you choose.
Really? It sounded like
"You choose."
I suppose it's possible she
meant "House is so, so wrong."
It's a trap. It means, "if you love me,
you'll buy the one I want."
Amber doesn't do
passive-aggressive.
People who do aggressive
don't like to limit themselves.
Could a leaky space heater
cause vision problems and numbness?
He'd have gotten better at
the hospital. It's not a trap.
Did I hear a question mark
at the end of that sentence?
WILSON: House, look. She's...
Got to go.
Manager says
I can do that price.
The gin bottles
are all gifts from fans.
Brock Sterling drinks on the show,
but Evan doesn't drink at all.
He's on this whole health kick
right now. Fruits, nuts...
Did you take those
from his dressing room?
No.
You're not going to
marry Brock, are you?
We've been waiting four years for him
to make it official with Anna.
Are you really a doctor?
Glioblastoma.
Need more proof?
So, no toxins on the set.
What about his regular life?
Unusual hobbies?
Unsavory friends?
No, I've been out with him.
He's as vanilla as they come.
And by "out" you mean...
Well, I asked him on
a date last month.
We went out a few times,
but we weren't right for each other.
Too small or too large?
(SIGHS) Is that
medically relevant?
I'm a doctor, and it's
relevant to me, so, yes.
We never got that far.
We made out awhile, then
he said he should go home.
He's a real gentleman.
Now, that'd be interesting.
He's impotent.
A steady diet of sunflower seeds
causes a B6 toxicity,
which causes autonomic dysregulation,
which causes a wood-free existence.
One bad night and a couple
of sunflower seeds
and he's got autonomic
dysregulation?
It's more than just one.
He can't even remember the last time he
was able to salute. It's cool, huh?
B6 wouldn't show up on a tox screen, and
we didn't find anything at the house.
So, all we have to do is filter the B6
out of his blood.
Prep him for plasmapheresis.
Just because he didn't salute
doesn't mean he can't.
Can you find out where
that voice keeps coming from
and tell it to get
out of my head?
The impotence could be psychological.
He's depressed, hates his job...
Plasmapheresis has risks.
He should spend a night in the sleep
lab, see if he gets a reflex erection.
Confirmation is for wimps
and altar boys.
We don't need
to wait for a reflex.
If he can't get engorged the way God
intended, then he can't get engorged.
I'm not showing him my boobs.
Lack of response to your
chest tells us nothing.
Thirteen, show him...
(SIGHS)
Where can I find a decent
set of knockers around here?
Your porn's in
the second drawer.
All set. Heart monitor, blood-pressure
monitor, and the one on his junk.
This is humiliating.
We're going to close the blinds to give
you some privacy.
The instruments will let us
monitor your response.
I don't get this guy. He has the coolest
gig ever, but he's miserable about it.
Probably figures quitting
won't do him any good.
Figures he'd be
unhappy anywhere.
Our circumstances
affect whether we're...
You're pretty happy
in this job, right?
Sure.
Have you ever had a job
where you were miserable?
I once sold men's fragrances
in a department store.
And were you miserable?
The pay was awful.
It was a miserable job,
but you weren't miserable.
So, what about you?
Are you happy?
Not particularly.
Heart rate
and BP are climbing.
Got some activity on the tumescence
monitor, as well.
There's nothing wrong with his
naughty. It's not B6 toxicity.
(MONITOR BEEPING)
Did he just finish?
Sometimes when you haven't,
you know, for a while...
(HEART MONITOR
BEEPING RAPIDLY)
His heart rate is through
the roof. 220 and climbing.
(GRUNTS)
He's headed
for cardiac arrest.
We shocked his heart back
into sinus rhythm.
He's stable, at least for now.
Could be some sort of
atypical septic reaction.
Not without a fever.
Thus the word "atypical."
In that case, it could
be an atypical bunion.
He used to smoke.
Could be paraneoplastic syndrome caused
by small-cell lung cancer.
He quit 20 years ago, and his calcium
levels are normal.
Could be Graves' Disease.
Extreme hyperthyroidism
leads to systemic problems,
including numbness, vision loss
and cardiac arrest.
You want to be here.
I have to be here.
Just say the word.
I'll fire Thirteen.
CAMERON: Just sign the forms.
Smart move. I was bluffing.
She's right. We should fry the
thyroid before it fries him.
I know it's more exciting this way,
but shouldn't we confirm you're right
before destroying one of the most
important glands in his body?
If that gland has drawn a bull's-eye
on his heart, then, no.
Nuking his thyroid puts him at risk
for vascular lesions
and all kinds of cancer.
Protocol says we should
do an iodine uptake test.
We?
Anyone else want
to run a useless test
while Brock's thyroid plots
its next lethal move?
It was rhetorical.
You were sure about
B6 toxicity, too.
House is right.
Seriously? I mean, I am,
but you think so?
If he goes into full-on
thyroid storm, he'll die.
We got to nuke his thyroid.
Hang up the phone.
Why? If we're going
to nuke his thyroid...
We're not nuking the guy's thyroid
without proof that it's Graves'.
Do the iodine uptake test.
- If House finds out...
- When House finds out...
We'll have the test results.
And we'll either do his
procedure or we won't.
What are you doing here?
Just grabbing a snack.
You keep food in the morgue?
If I keep it in the lounge,
everyone else eats it.
That's because it's
everyone else's food.
I thought it was just
everyone else's bags.
The Accreditation Board
will light us on fire for this.
They're not going to find out.
Unless, of course, Conway planned on
inspecting the morgue
in, say, two minutes.
Is that why you're here?
You're going to get me fired
over a sandwich?
No, over a TV. And you're not going to
get fired because you're going to fold.
No, I won't.
But you're going to push it,
so we need a safe word,
so you can signal
your unconditional surrender.
Call me "sweet sauce."
Dr. House. I don't think we've met.
Dr. Jamie Conway.
I've heard your name.
Most people have.
It's also a noun.
I sometimes come down here to relax,
unwind, maybe grab a...
Sweet sauce.
It's a nickname.
An ironic nickname.
Wow, it is almost 2:00.
Aren't you supposed to be...
Oh, yeah. Yeah, 'cause those
sick blind kids
aren't going
to read to themselves.
See you.
I recommend skipping C26. Floater, been
in the river at least a week.
- Thanks for the warning.
- Any time.
Doesn't the doctors' lounge
have that same TV?
No, they've got a 12-inch exactly like
the one that used to be in here.
Your files are done.
I'll be doing a dance of joy just as
soon as my leg is healed.
Can you tilt that down?
I know the paperwork
annoys you,
but patient records are important.
You can't just let them sit there.
I had to, in the
name of science.
I let the crap pile up,
then I see which team member
is most self-flagellating.
Breaks down,
clears up the mess.
Surprise was, it turned
out to be you again.
You weren't even
registered as a competitor.
- You miss me.
- You miss me.
You hired Thirteen
to replace...
Yeah, all pretty
girls are fungible.
You're avoiding.
I miss the job. I miss running around
playing private investigator.
I miss the puzzles.
Seriously, I'll fire Thirteen.
Or Kutner, if you
think Thirteen is hot.
I don't miss you.
EVAN: That iodine left
a really weird aftertaste.
That's the tracer in it. We'll have the
images in a couple minutes.
You must do okay
with women, huh?
I already asked him that.
And?
It's not all it's
cracked up to be.
He feels unfulfilled.
I doubt it.
I'm lying?
I used to be
a plastic surgeon.
I'd talk about my work
as shallow and meaningless.
Truth is, I loved every
boob job, every tummy tuck.
Meaning doesn't
mean that much.
But you're not a plastic
surgeon anymore.
It's complicated.
Are you happier?
It's complicated.
His thyroid looks normal.
So, that's good
news, right?
Everything look
too bright to you?
It could be the monitor.
It's not the monitor.
It's the iodine.
It's everywhere.
His body's not filtering it.
His kidneys are failing.
I told you to
nuke his thyroid.
It's a good thing we didn't.
Kidney failure means it wasn't Graves'.
So, your test screwed me
and our patient's kidneys.
You practically poisoned
him with iodine.
Which he could have handled easily
if his kidneys were healthy.
All we did was reveal a new symptom.
Usually you're all for that.
It must be the rancid tinge
of betrayal that's put me off.
You were wrong.
So, tell me to my face.
You've never hesitated before.
The board's turning you into a coward.
I did it because it was
the right thing to do.
You did it to pass
an inspection.
Does it matter?
Kidney failure on top of the other
symptoms
points to an autoimmune condition,
which means that any
of his other organs could be next.
We've already started dialysis. We need
to run ANA's for autoimmune.
You're right. You and the team
go measure the ceilings.
Excuse me?
Accreditation Board
guidelines state that
no object can be less than
18 inches from the ceiling.
Make sure we're in compliance.
There's nothing in our office
that would be less...
I don't mean us.
I mean the whole hospital.
Let's see how
this baby handles.
(WILSON BREATHING HEAVILY)
- What?
- You bought the firm mattress.
I thought that's
the one you wanted.
It was.
Why would you do that?
Because...
Is this a trick question?
I left it up to you.
You were supposed to get
the one you wanted.
I got the one you wanted
because I love you.
No.
You did it because
that's what you do.
With all your ex-wives,
you did whatever they wanted
because it was easier,
and you ended up resenting them.
Don't you dare do that to me.
What, take care of you?
Have you met me?
I can take care of me.
I need you to
take care of you.
I have work to do.
(SIGHS)
You made it to page eight.
"Mysterious Hospital
Visit for Soap Doc."
Wow, I'll be sure to
send my mom a copy.
They told me I have
an autoimmune disease,
like Lupus or Sarcoidosis.
That's what we're
here to find out.
You really as good as everyone seems
to think you are?
Are you really as miserable as everyone
seems to think you are?
I just want to do
something that matters.
Nothing matters.
We're all just cockroaches,
wildebeests dying on the riverbank.
Nothing we do has
any lasting meaning.
And you think I'm miserable?
If you're unhappy on
the plane, jump out of it.
I want to,
but I can't.
That's the problem with metaphors.
They need interpretation.
Jumping out of the
plane is stupid.
But what if I'm
not in a plane?
What if I'm just in a place
I don't want to be?
That's the other
problem with metaphors.
Yes, what if you're actually
in an ice cream truck,
and outside are candy
and flowers and virgins?
You're on a plane.
We're all on planes.
Life is dangerous and complicated,
and it's a long way down.
So, you're afraid to change?
No, you're afraid to change.
You'd rather imagine that you can
escape, instead of actually try,
because if you fail,
you've got nothing.
So, you'll give up the
chance at something real,
so that you can
hold on to hope.
Thing is, hope is for sissies.
When I get out of here, I'm not going to
be afraid anymore.
I mean, how many guys
get a second chance?
Too many. Half the people
I save don't deserve a second chance.
Now that I've got mine,
I'm going to set things right.
I'm going to start by being a better
father to you and to your sister.
- And to your other sister.
- And to your other sister.
You realize you're reciting
lines from last season?
We're going to do all
the things I promised.
Just help me get
out of this bed.
(MONITORS BEEPING)
Cooling blankets in here. This guy's
brain is about to boil.
(SNAPS FINGERS)
Do you know where you are?
What's your name?
Dr. Brock Sterling.
THIRTEEN: Fever rules out autoimmune.
He's septic.
He's got a massive infection.
KUTNER: We've got him on
broad-spectrum antibiotics,
but he's slipped from
delirium into a coma.
Good news is last time Brock
was in a coma, he fathered two children.
We need to identify the infection and
get him on more targeted meds fast.
What about pneumococcus?
Causes heart problems and sepsis.
But not the neuropathies in his foot
and eyes. What about tetanus? it fits.
He got a tetanus booster
last year. Lyme disease?
He would have
been sore all over.
There's a thousand infections
that could have caused this.
We can start testing, but
he'll be dead before the cultures grow.
Unless it's a fungus. We could see that
under a microscope.
Test for fungi, parasites,
all creatures great and small.
- Where are you going?
- To lie down. I need to think.
Could be rat bite fever,
but his glands aren't swollen.
Which one are
you going to get?
She told me to
get the one I want.
So get it.
Listeria explains the sepsis,
possibly also the heart problem.
But not the numbness.
If the listeria
caused encephalomyelitis,
which then
caused the numbness...
I want a waterbed.
Wow.
I've always wanted one.
I know it's ridiculous, it's just
there's something nice about the thought
of being rocked to sleep in water.
No mocking? No Freudian analysis
of how the waterbed
is really a great big vagina
I want to crawl into?
I'm ignoring you
because you make me sad.
He's on ampicillin,
which means if it was listeria,
he would've shown
some improvement.
No, it's a whole thing. You need special
sheets and insurance and...
Who cares? You wanted
one your whole life.
You're a grown-up. You can afford it.
Stores sell them.
Most adults don't go through
life like you do, House,
indulging our every whim.
Then you don't
deserve to be happy.
And yet I am. You?
Amber will think it's stupid.
It is stupid.
Live the dream, Wilson.
It's not an infection.
It's an allergy.
That's why it's not
responding to antibiotics.
This isn't a soap opera,
House.
People don't just wake up from comas
the second you give them drugs.
Especially if we give them the wrong
drugs. What do the tests say?
It was negative for fungus and
parasites, but that doesn't mean...
The more infections we rule out,
the more likely it is
that it's not an infection.
He has no history of allergies
or asthma. Most importantly,
none of his symptoms remotely
resemble an allergic reaction.
Allergens could trigger
an allergic vasculitis.
- That would explain the symptoms.
- One in a million times.
Septic infection always
explains his symptoms.
But an infection is never
resistant to every antibiotic.
No, an infection
is rarely resistant.
And allergy never responds
to antibiotics.
"Never" beats "rarely." QED, I win.
There were chrysanthemums
in his dressing room.
My God, why didn't you say
he'd been exposed to plant life?
Chrysanthemums contain pyrethrin.
It's a neurotoxin and a known allergen.
He has an infection.
If we give him steroids, we'll kill him.
He has an allergy. If we don't give him
steroids, we'll kill him.
Not as fast.
Fast enough.
You don't have time for the rest of
the tests. We have to do something.
And what we're doing
right now isn't working.
Hundred milligrams
methylprednisolone.
Patients' names?
It's one patient.
You want to give one patient 100
milligrams? That'll jump-start a car.
Perfect, my patient's
a '69 Ford Coma.
Anything over 50 milligrams,
I need a sign-off from Dr. Cuddy.
It's protocol,
and the inspector's here.
I am 99% certain
that she'll consent.
But for the sake of the
1%, why don't I just...
You're not allowed back here.
Well, tell the inspector
he can put it on my tab.
I didn't mean now.
100 milligrams of methylprednisolone
is an overdose.
We were wrong
about the infection.
He's suffering from
a severe allergic reaction.
The team hasn't finished
the test for allergy.
- His symptoms don't...
- In rare cases...
Trust me, at the end
of this conversation, I'm right.
Then confirm it.
Get a blood test.
What is it about this severe
and deepening coma
that makes you think
we've got time for protocol?
Protocol has saved your
patient from having his
thyroid destroyed
and his blood drained.
If you think I'm wrong, tell me I'm
wrong. Don't talk about protocol.
My job's on the line.
Your job is on the line.
Okay, here's what you do.
You wait three minutes,
then you call security.
By the time they get in here
to lock me up, I'll be done.
He gets to live. Your ass
gets to be covered.
If he dies, let me know,
so I can pack my things.
Tests are negative. Patient's negative
for all floral allergies.
I'm going to restart
the antibiotics.
If he's still alive.
Ampicillin, two grams, IV.
Why? The steroids worked.
House was right.
The test was negative.
FOREMAN: He was still right.
It was an allergy.
To what?
Thank you.
I was wrong.
You should have stopped me.
Heard about House's patient.
Bold move.
And you backed him.
He was right.
He wasn't even in
the same neighborhood as right.
The patient's alive.
Okay, the rules exist
because 95% of the time,
for 95% of people,
they're the right thing to do.
And the other 5%?
Have to live
by the same rules.
Because everybody thinks
they're in that 5%.
Okay-
I noticed that Dr. Chase...
What are you doing out here?
I can't sleep.
I hate the waterbed.
I actually kind of like it.
No, it's awful.
We're returning it tomorrow.
Okay-
(WILSON SIGHS)
I'm glad you got it, though.
Me, too.
I hope they'll
take it back.
They will.
(WILSON LAUGHS)
ANNA: You promised me
you'd stop drinking.
BROCK: Of course I'm drunk, Anna.
They told me you'd never
wake up from that coma.
But how could you get
engaged to my sister?
We fell in love.
What do you want from me,
Anna? I'm just a man.
And I'm just a woman.
And as thrilled as I am
about The Lady Slipper being
the best nightclub
Port Lawrence has ever seen...
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Hello.
HOUSE: Don't hang up.
What was the verdict?
$200,000 fine.
You should have been fired.
Good night, House.
There are bubbles
in his glass.
Can't this wait until...
My patient.
He's allergic to quinine.
And you got this from bubbles?
His symptoms started
two months ago.
That's also when Brock
started downing gin and tonics
like
a Brit staving off malaria.
Gin was fake,
the tonic was real.
And tonic water
is loaded with quinine.
Nice job.
You should have been fired.
I'm taking back the TV.
I saved his life.
That wasn't the deal.
The contract clearly stated
no takesie-backsies.
Good night, House.
What are you wearing?
- Good night, House.
- Good night, Cuddy.
are you doing?
Getting ready for surgery.
What's it look like?
You're operating
on my sister.
And my fiancée.
You're drunk.
You could kill her.
It's the only way
to stop my hands from shaking.
I need to drink.
For Anna.
What about our baby?
Our baby?
Brock! Oh, my God! Brock, are you okay?
Brock, speak to me.
Oh, my God!
I think he's really hurt.
Cut!
(BELL RINGS)
(SIGHS)
That was scary. I thought for a second
you were really...
Then you're going to be the only one
in the world who did.
This is ridiculous.
That was great, Evan.
No, it wasn't. It was crap.
The fans are going to love it.
The fans are crap. I'm crap.
This whole damn show is crap!
Sorry, not your fault.
Where are you going?
My apartment's on the West Side.
Excuse me, you need
to go the other way.
Hey, did you hear what I said?
What the hell's going
on here? What do you want?
HOUSE: An autographed
picture would be nice.
Oh, and I'm also going
to save your life.
You might want to think about
repositioning the crosswalk.
It's technically not a violation,
but the closer they are to the entrance,
the more likely
they are to be used.
Makes sense.
Listen, I actually wasn't
expecting you until next month.
Yeah, that's the problem with planned
visits, administrators plan for them.
The most recent New Jersey
Hospital Accreditation requirements.
Yeah, I'm familiar with...
(HORN HONKING)
Who is that?
I have no idea.
Shall we get started?
Just let me go. I won't press charges.
I'll forget the whole thing.
That's probably true,
seeing as how you have a brain tumor.
You're that nut-job doctor
that keeps calling my publicist.
Actually, I'm the nut-job
Head of Diagnostic Medicine.
I run every day. I don't get headaches.
I'm fine. So, if you don't mind...
Actually, I do mind.
I don't care if you die,
but if Brock Sterling dies,
Anna never finds out
he's the father of Marie's baby.
Help!
Help!
We're gonna need
a wheelchair here!
Look, in the last month,
your average line reading has slowed
from 2.1 seconds to 2.9.
You're pausing more,
always at the same interval,
every seven to nine words,
which means you're having trouble
reading one side of the teleprompter,
which means a peripheral
vision problem,
which means a tumor
in your occipital lobe.
Just one test. If there's nothing wrong,
I'll take you right back home.
Make it cab fare. I don't want you
anywhere near my house.
Just put it in my spot.
The Accreditation Board
is here to protect us and our patients.
So, in dealing with
the onsite inspector,
please behave as if it wasn't also an
enormous pain in the ass. Thank you.
Chase, Foreman, Cameron,
up here, please.
Why is House driving a limo?
- Don't know.
- Don't have to know.
Don't care.
CUDDY: Wrong. Until this inspection
is over you're back on House-watch.
Current case. Past cases.
He doesn't have
a current case.
I have a whole department.
And are you going
to fire us if we don't?
I was just asking
for your help.
The last time I checked the ER, you had
the best-kept charts in the building.
Last time I checked the 4th-floor
janitor's closet,
I found House's charts.
He hasn't filed anything
since you left.
Now, House may not care
whether this hospital's accreditation
gets downgraded,
but the people who sign my paychecks do.
So, I repeat: Current. Past.
He doesn't have
a current case.
Did he tell you
about the limo?
So, I just press this button
every time I see a light?
Tells me where
your blind spots are.
So, the twins,
they're going to turn out
to be yours, aren't they?
I told you, I can't
talk about that stuff.
But you want to be
done with this, right?
One's mine, one's Julio's.
I knew it!
Julio knocked her up before her appendix
burst. You got her after.
How can you watch that stuff?
Because it's awesome.
It's preposterous, not one real moment
since I've been on the show.
As opposed to shows that represent the
world exactly the way it is, like...
Can't think of any.
What's going on?
Hospital is being inspected, and Cuddy
dispatched you to keep an eye on me.
I just parked a Town Car
in an ambulance bay,
and instead of ripping me one,
Cuddy acted like she didn't know me.
It's either an inspection
or an aneurysm.
What's the test say?
As I suspected,
you have significant losses in the upper
right quadrant of your visual field.
Are you serious?
No, it's a joke.
Two guys go into a bar,
and one has significant losses in the
upper right quadrant
of his visual field.
The other one says you're
going to need an MRI
to confirm the type
and location of the tumor.
That readout says
his vision's fine.
HOUSE: No, it doesn't.
Yes, it does.
You lied to me?
I kidnapped you, and you're surprised
that I lied to you?
It just means that the symptoms
are intermittent.
You come near me again,
I'm calling the police.
You kidnapped him?
It's sweet that I haven't lost
the ability to surprise you.
Are you mocking me?
My back. My back
is killing me.
Don't care. Busy.
Amber's damn mattress.
Well, that sucks.
Don't buy a new one.
Are you being sarcastic?
Because we are buying one.
She's incapable of doing
anything that matters
without turning it
into a zero-sum game.
We're buying
a mattress. For us.
Wow, I'm faster
than you right now.
It's all about her and whatever hapless
salesman wanders into her sights.
She's going to lie, steal and trade your
testes to get whatever she wants.
Hold on. Just got to do something before
he dials the second "one."
You're going to end up
humiliated, holding her purse
and going home to sleep
on a new mattress you hate.
What the hell are you doing?
He needs a MRI.
Give me one-millimeter slices
from the cortex down.
Any particular reason you
decided to sedate a patient
for a procedure that's
completely painless?
Guy has a history of violent outbursts
during surgical procedures.
Yeah, on TV.
It's Evan Greer. He's the main stud
on House's soap.
Frontal cortex
looks clean. No tumors.
Increase the magnification
on the occipital lobe.
You watch because you
like or because I like?
I was unemployed. I...
(Buzzes)
Sorry, that's not an answer,
that's an apology.
If we are ever to come out of the
darkness, we have to be proud...
Occipital, frontal and temporal
lobes are clean, so is the optic nerve.
Definitely no tumors.
He's fine?
And awake.
(EVAN GROANING)
What should we tell him?
See if you can talk
him out of suing me.
He kidnapped me!
He drugged me!
Perhaps you should
go out the back way.
I'm not going anywhere
you people tell me to go.
It's just someone of your
fame... I figured fans...
You're trying to hide me.
You don't want me making a scene.
The hospital is being
inspected today.
And you want me
to do you a favor?
Not us, our dean of medicine.
And House hates her.
You'd be doing House
a favor by complaining.
Oh.
This hospital is staffed
with lunatics and criminals.
Excuse me, where is Dr. Cuddy?
It's my foot.
What did he do to me?
What did House do?
Nothing. I was with
him the whole time.
It's numb. I can't feel it.
I can't walk.
Foot numbness has
a huge differential.
That gets a lot narrower when you add
in peripheral-vision problems.
Which gets a lot wider when there's no
proof he ever had a vision problem.
KUTNER: So House was wrong
about the first symptom,
but the guy just
happened to develop
a second, unrelated symptom
a few hours later?
He already kidnapped
and sedated the guy against his will.
Makes sense he'd also do something to
numb his foot so he couldn't leave.
But it doesn't make sense to include
a symptom that he caused
in a differential he's
so desperate to solve.
Unless he didn't
mean to cause it.
Stick to the filing, sweetheart.
Let the doctors do the doctoring.
Either toxins
or vitamin deficiency...
I'm guessing, when
you drugged him,
you didn't catch him
and ease him to the floor.
He could've pinched a nerve
in his ankle when he fell.
You need to run an EMG test
for motor nerve entrapment
or the inspector
will own your ass.
Kutner, leave the room,
wait 30 minutes,
come back and tell her
the test was negative.
Is it okay if I use that
time to do the test?
Get out of here.
And the rest of them can
help me with all this stuff.
They're busy, which
is really annoying,
because I wanted to be able
to say that they're busy
for no other reason
than to screw with you.
Research.
(SIGHS)
So the nut job was right?
Usually is.
He said I was dying.
He's wrong a lot, too.
That's why we do these tests.
Bet it's cool, you know,
being the star of a hit TV show?
It's a daytime soap. it pretty much puts
me one step above dinner theater.
Come on, you're
on TV every day.
And who cares what the critics
think? Women love soaps.
You get to take pride in your job,
feel good when you go home at night.
You're entertaining people.
I don't care.
Then you've made
a strange career choice.
Look, I'm pandering.
I want to be part of something
that inspires people.
So, quit. Find something
inspiring and do it.
It's not that easy.
Why not?
Just isn't.
It's my heart, Doctor.
It's racing.
I'm sure it's nothing.
You're a healthy woman, Marie.
MARIE: Shouldn't you
examine me?
BROCK: Why don't you
have Rico do it?
You can't tell me
you didn't notice that pause.
Sorry.
She's never waking up.
This is a whole new
experience in super hi-def.
I had no idea Marie
wore an underwire.
It does sound a little forced.
Could be stiffening in his tongue,
which is a symptom of myxedema.
It's not the tongue. It's the dialogue.
I think I dated that nurse, though.
No.
What about the way he's
holding that stethoscope?
The thumb and forefinger
are meeting at an odd angle.
Could be a demyelination
from toxic exposure.
Back it up.
What's this, the AV Club?
It's diagnostic.
Everything's under control.
Yeah, excellent job
so far. House, outside.
Keep watching.
You'll never guess
what Rico's got in that box.
MARIE: Rico doesn't
even know I'm alive.
You have an obsession with an actor or
the character he plays. I feel for you.
You need to work it out.
But I need you to do it
when the hospital's accreditation,
and my job, are not on the line.
You want the star of the hottest daytime
drama on TV to die in your hospital?
No, I want you to cure him without
committing any more felonies.
I can't do my job if you're going
to tie my hands like that.
Fifty-one weeks
out of the year,
I let you run around
like a monkey in a banana factory.
All I'm asking is
that you tone it down for a few days.
I want that TV.
We're not bargaining.
You want something. Either you're
bargaining or you're begging.
Me keeping my job
is good for you.
Yes, but it's better for you.
I just want us to
be equally happy.
EMG was negative for nerve entrapment.
Means the foot's a real symptom.
It could be
vitamin deficiency.
- Or a toxin.
- Or atherosclerosis.
Or a toxin.
Why is toxin a better idea?
Might not be.
We'll know after I'm finished searching
his set and dressing room
for medically relevant stuff.
Got to go.
Need a decision.
You're not going to
cut your own throat.
Yeah, that sounds like me.
Test for heavy metals, organics, bio
toxins, and search the home.
I liked the pillow-top.
I like this one.
Great taste. That model's
top-of-the-line.
How much is it?
$1,999.
It's a great price.
- And what about...
- That's too rich for us.
I don't know. You think...
Honey, we can't afford that,
not with a baby on the way.
Congratulations.
Your first?
Yes.
How about I knock 100 bucks off,
maybe throw in free delivery.
Money's really
tight right now.
I'm a law clerk, and my husband
just got laid off.
He has an interview today.
Wish him luck.
Good luck.
Fingers crossed.
We might be able
to afford $1,500.
I'd have to check
with my manager.
Thanks. I appreciate it.
(PAGER BEEPING)
Hold this, would you?
911 from work. I better go.
So, am I getting the hard mattress or do
I have to go to my job interview?
Whatever mattress you
want. I'm fine either way.
You... Really?
Really. Just as long as
I get to help you break it in.
(SIGHS)
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Pack your manhood on ice,
maybe the hospital can re-attach it.
You were so wrong.
She's letting me choose.
"You choose" does
not mean you choose.
Really? It sounded like
"You choose."
I suppose it's possible she
meant "House is so, so wrong."
It's a trap. It means, "if you love me,
you'll buy the one I want."
Amber doesn't do
passive-aggressive.
People who do aggressive
don't like to limit themselves.
Could a leaky space heater
cause vision problems and numbness?
He'd have gotten better at
the hospital. It's not a trap.
Did I hear a question mark
at the end of that sentence?
WILSON: House, look. She's...
Got to go.
Manager says
I can do that price.
The gin bottles
are all gifts from fans.
Brock Sterling drinks on the show,
but Evan doesn't drink at all.
He's on this whole health kick
right now. Fruits, nuts...
Did you take those
from his dressing room?
No.
You're not going to
marry Brock, are you?
We've been waiting four years for him
to make it official with Anna.
Are you really a doctor?
Glioblastoma.
Need more proof?
So, no toxins on the set.
What about his regular life?
Unusual hobbies?
Unsavory friends?
No, I've been out with him.
He's as vanilla as they come.
And by "out" you mean...
Well, I asked him on
a date last month.
We went out a few times,
but we weren't right for each other.
Too small or too large?
(SIGHS) Is that
medically relevant?
I'm a doctor, and it's
relevant to me, so, yes.
We never got that far.
We made out awhile, then
he said he should go home.
He's a real gentleman.
Now, that'd be interesting.
He's impotent.
A steady diet of sunflower seeds
causes a B6 toxicity,
which causes autonomic dysregulation,
which causes a wood-free existence.
One bad night and a couple
of sunflower seeds
and he's got autonomic
dysregulation?
It's more than just one.
He can't even remember the last time he
was able to salute. It's cool, huh?
B6 wouldn't show up on a tox screen, and
we didn't find anything at the house.
So, all we have to do is filter the B6
out of his blood.
Prep him for plasmapheresis.
Just because he didn't salute
doesn't mean he can't.
Can you find out where
that voice keeps coming from
and tell it to get
out of my head?
The impotence could be psychological.
He's depressed, hates his job...
Plasmapheresis has risks.
He should spend a night in the sleep
lab, see if he gets a reflex erection.
Confirmation is for wimps
and altar boys.
We don't need
to wait for a reflex.
If he can't get engorged the way God
intended, then he can't get engorged.
I'm not showing him my boobs.
Lack of response to your
chest tells us nothing.
Thirteen, show him...
(SIGHS)
Where can I find a decent
set of knockers around here?
Your porn's in
the second drawer.
All set. Heart monitor, blood-pressure
monitor, and the one on his junk.
This is humiliating.
We're going to close the blinds to give
you some privacy.
The instruments will let us
monitor your response.
I don't get this guy. He has the coolest
gig ever, but he's miserable about it.
Probably figures quitting
won't do him any good.
Figures he'd be
unhappy anywhere.
Our circumstances
affect whether we're...
You're pretty happy
in this job, right?
Sure.
Have you ever had a job
where you were miserable?
I once sold men's fragrances
in a department store.
And were you miserable?
The pay was awful.
It was a miserable job,
but you weren't miserable.
So, what about you?
Are you happy?
Not particularly.
Heart rate
and BP are climbing.
Got some activity on the tumescence
monitor, as well.
There's nothing wrong with his
naughty. It's not B6 toxicity.
(MONITOR BEEPING)
Did he just finish?
Sometimes when you haven't,
you know, for a while...
(HEART MONITOR
BEEPING RAPIDLY)
His heart rate is through
the roof. 220 and climbing.
(GRUNTS)
He's headed
for cardiac arrest.
We shocked his heart back
into sinus rhythm.
He's stable, at least for now.
Could be some sort of
atypical septic reaction.
Not without a fever.
Thus the word "atypical."
In that case, it could
be an atypical bunion.
He used to smoke.
Could be paraneoplastic syndrome caused
by small-cell lung cancer.
He quit 20 years ago, and his calcium
levels are normal.
Could be Graves' Disease.
Extreme hyperthyroidism
leads to systemic problems,
including numbness, vision loss
and cardiac arrest.
You want to be here.
I have to be here.
Just say the word.
I'll fire Thirteen.
CAMERON: Just sign the forms.
Smart move. I was bluffing.
She's right. We should fry the
thyroid before it fries him.
I know it's more exciting this way,
but shouldn't we confirm you're right
before destroying one of the most
important glands in his body?
If that gland has drawn a bull's-eye
on his heart, then, no.
Nuking his thyroid puts him at risk
for vascular lesions
and all kinds of cancer.
Protocol says we should
do an iodine uptake test.
We?
Anyone else want
to run a useless test
while Brock's thyroid plots
its next lethal move?
It was rhetorical.
You were sure about
B6 toxicity, too.
House is right.
Seriously? I mean, I am,
but you think so?
If he goes into full-on
thyroid storm, he'll die.
We got to nuke his thyroid.
Hang up the phone.
Why? If we're going
to nuke his thyroid...
We're not nuking the guy's thyroid
without proof that it's Graves'.
Do the iodine uptake test.
- If House finds out...
- When House finds out...
We'll have the test results.
And we'll either do his
procedure or we won't.
What are you doing here?
Just grabbing a snack.
You keep food in the morgue?
If I keep it in the lounge,
everyone else eats it.
That's because it's
everyone else's food.
I thought it was just
everyone else's bags.
The Accreditation Board
will light us on fire for this.
They're not going to find out.
Unless, of course, Conway planned on
inspecting the morgue
in, say, two minutes.
Is that why you're here?
You're going to get me fired
over a sandwich?
No, over a TV. And you're not going to
get fired because you're going to fold.
No, I won't.
But you're going to push it,
so we need a safe word,
so you can signal
your unconditional surrender.
Call me "sweet sauce."
Dr. House. I don't think we've met.
Dr. Jamie Conway.
I've heard your name.
Most people have.
It's also a noun.
I sometimes come down here to relax,
unwind, maybe grab a...
Sweet sauce.
It's a nickname.
An ironic nickname.
Wow, it is almost 2:00.
Aren't you supposed to be...
Oh, yeah. Yeah, 'cause those
sick blind kids
aren't going
to read to themselves.
See you.
I recommend skipping C26. Floater, been
in the river at least a week.
- Thanks for the warning.
- Any time.
Doesn't the doctors' lounge
have that same TV?
No, they've got a 12-inch exactly like
the one that used to be in here.
Your files are done.
I'll be doing a dance of joy just as
soon as my leg is healed.
Can you tilt that down?
I know the paperwork
annoys you,
but patient records are important.
You can't just let them sit there.
I had to, in the
name of science.
I let the crap pile up,
then I see which team member
is most self-flagellating.
Breaks down,
clears up the mess.
Surprise was, it turned
out to be you again.
You weren't even
registered as a competitor.
- You miss me.
- You miss me.
You hired Thirteen
to replace...
Yeah, all pretty
girls are fungible.
You're avoiding.
I miss the job. I miss running around
playing private investigator.
I miss the puzzles.
Seriously, I'll fire Thirteen.
Or Kutner, if you
think Thirteen is hot.
I don't miss you.
EVAN: That iodine left
a really weird aftertaste.
That's the tracer in it. We'll have the
images in a couple minutes.
You must do okay
with women, huh?
I already asked him that.
And?
It's not all it's
cracked up to be.
He feels unfulfilled.
I doubt it.
I'm lying?
I used to be
a plastic surgeon.
I'd talk about my work
as shallow and meaningless.
Truth is, I loved every
boob job, every tummy tuck.
Meaning doesn't
mean that much.
But you're not a plastic
surgeon anymore.
It's complicated.
Are you happier?
It's complicated.
His thyroid looks normal.
So, that's good
news, right?
Everything look
too bright to you?
It could be the monitor.
It's not the monitor.
It's the iodine.
It's everywhere.
His body's not filtering it.
His kidneys are failing.
I told you to
nuke his thyroid.
It's a good thing we didn't.
Kidney failure means it wasn't Graves'.
So, your test screwed me
and our patient's kidneys.
You practically poisoned
him with iodine.
Which he could have handled easily
if his kidneys were healthy.
All we did was reveal a new symptom.
Usually you're all for that.
It must be the rancid tinge
of betrayal that's put me off.
You were wrong.
So, tell me to my face.
You've never hesitated before.
The board's turning you into a coward.
I did it because it was
the right thing to do.
You did it to pass
an inspection.
Does it matter?
Kidney failure on top of the other
symptoms
points to an autoimmune condition,
which means that any
of his other organs could be next.
We've already started dialysis. We need
to run ANA's for autoimmune.
You're right. You and the team
go measure the ceilings.
Excuse me?
Accreditation Board
guidelines state that
no object can be less than
18 inches from the ceiling.
Make sure we're in compliance.
There's nothing in our office
that would be less...
I don't mean us.
I mean the whole hospital.
Let's see how
this baby handles.
(WILSON BREATHING HEAVILY)
- What?
- You bought the firm mattress.
I thought that's
the one you wanted.
It was.
Why would you do that?
Because...
Is this a trick question?
I left it up to you.
You were supposed to get
the one you wanted.
I got the one you wanted
because I love you.
No.
You did it because
that's what you do.
With all your ex-wives,
you did whatever they wanted
because it was easier,
and you ended up resenting them.
Don't you dare do that to me.
What, take care of you?
Have you met me?
I can take care of me.
I need you to
take care of you.
I have work to do.
(SIGHS)
You made it to page eight.
"Mysterious Hospital
Visit for Soap Doc."
Wow, I'll be sure to
send my mom a copy.
They told me I have
an autoimmune disease,
like Lupus or Sarcoidosis.
That's what we're
here to find out.
You really as good as everyone seems
to think you are?
Are you really as miserable as everyone
seems to think you are?
I just want to do
something that matters.
Nothing matters.
We're all just cockroaches,
wildebeests dying on the riverbank.
Nothing we do has
any lasting meaning.
And you think I'm miserable?
If you're unhappy on
the plane, jump out of it.
I want to,
but I can't.
That's the problem with metaphors.
They need interpretation.
Jumping out of the
plane is stupid.
But what if I'm
not in a plane?
What if I'm just in a place
I don't want to be?
That's the other
problem with metaphors.
Yes, what if you're actually
in an ice cream truck,
and outside are candy
and flowers and virgins?
You're on a plane.
We're all on planes.
Life is dangerous and complicated,
and it's a long way down.
So, you're afraid to change?
No, you're afraid to change.
You'd rather imagine that you can
escape, instead of actually try,
because if you fail,
you've got nothing.
So, you'll give up the
chance at something real,
so that you can
hold on to hope.
Thing is, hope is for sissies.
When I get out of here, I'm not going to
be afraid anymore.
I mean, how many guys
get a second chance?
Too many. Half the people
I save don't deserve a second chance.
Now that I've got mine,
I'm going to set things right.
I'm going to start by being a better
father to you and to your sister.
- And to your other sister.
- And to your other sister.
You realize you're reciting
lines from last season?
We're going to do all
the things I promised.
Just help me get
out of this bed.
(MONITORS BEEPING)
Cooling blankets in here. This guy's
brain is about to boil.
(SNAPS FINGERS)
Do you know where you are?
What's your name?
Dr. Brock Sterling.
THIRTEEN: Fever rules out autoimmune.
He's septic.
He's got a massive infection.
KUTNER: We've got him on
broad-spectrum antibiotics,
but he's slipped from
delirium into a coma.
Good news is last time Brock
was in a coma, he fathered two children.
We need to identify the infection and
get him on more targeted meds fast.
What about pneumococcus?
Causes heart problems and sepsis.
But not the neuropathies in his foot
and eyes. What about tetanus? it fits.
He got a tetanus booster
last year. Lyme disease?
He would have
been sore all over.
There's a thousand infections
that could have caused this.
We can start testing, but
he'll be dead before the cultures grow.
Unless it's a fungus. We could see that
under a microscope.
Test for fungi, parasites,
all creatures great and small.
- Where are you going?
- To lie down. I need to think.
Could be rat bite fever,
but his glands aren't swollen.
Which one are
you going to get?
She told me to
get the one I want.
So get it.
Listeria explains the sepsis,
possibly also the heart problem.
But not the numbness.
If the listeria
caused encephalomyelitis,
which then
caused the numbness...
I want a waterbed.
Wow.
I've always wanted one.
I know it's ridiculous, it's just
there's something nice about the thought
of being rocked to sleep in water.
No mocking? No Freudian analysis
of how the waterbed
is really a great big vagina
I want to crawl into?
I'm ignoring you
because you make me sad.
He's on ampicillin,
which means if it was listeria,
he would've shown
some improvement.
No, it's a whole thing. You need special
sheets and insurance and...
Who cares? You wanted
one your whole life.
You're a grown-up. You can afford it.
Stores sell them.
Most adults don't go through
life like you do, House,
indulging our every whim.
Then you don't
deserve to be happy.
And yet I am. You?
Amber will think it's stupid.
It is stupid.
Live the dream, Wilson.
It's not an infection.
It's an allergy.
That's why it's not
responding to antibiotics.
This isn't a soap opera,
House.
People don't just wake up from comas
the second you give them drugs.
Especially if we give them the wrong
drugs. What do the tests say?
It was negative for fungus and
parasites, but that doesn't mean...
The more infections we rule out,
the more likely it is
that it's not an infection.
He has no history of allergies
or asthma. Most importantly,
none of his symptoms remotely
resemble an allergic reaction.
Allergens could trigger
an allergic vasculitis.
- That would explain the symptoms.
- One in a million times.
Septic infection always
explains his symptoms.
But an infection is never
resistant to every antibiotic.
No, an infection
is rarely resistant.
And allergy never responds
to antibiotics.
"Never" beats "rarely." QED, I win.
There were chrysanthemums
in his dressing room.
My God, why didn't you say
he'd been exposed to plant life?
Chrysanthemums contain pyrethrin.
It's a neurotoxin and a known allergen.
He has an infection.
If we give him steroids, we'll kill him.
He has an allergy. If we don't give him
steroids, we'll kill him.
Not as fast.
Fast enough.
You don't have time for the rest of
the tests. We have to do something.
And what we're doing
right now isn't working.
Hundred milligrams
methylprednisolone.
Patients' names?
It's one patient.
You want to give one patient 100
milligrams? That'll jump-start a car.
Perfect, my patient's
a '69 Ford Coma.
Anything over 50 milligrams,
I need a sign-off from Dr. Cuddy.
It's protocol,
and the inspector's here.
I am 99% certain
that she'll consent.
But for the sake of the
1%, why don't I just...
You're not allowed back here.
Well, tell the inspector
he can put it on my tab.
I didn't mean now.
100 milligrams of methylprednisolone
is an overdose.
We were wrong
about the infection.
He's suffering from
a severe allergic reaction.
The team hasn't finished
the test for allergy.
- His symptoms don't...
- In rare cases...
Trust me, at the end
of this conversation, I'm right.
Then confirm it.
Get a blood test.
What is it about this severe
and deepening coma
that makes you think
we've got time for protocol?
Protocol has saved your
patient from having his
thyroid destroyed
and his blood drained.
If you think I'm wrong, tell me I'm
wrong. Don't talk about protocol.
My job's on the line.
Your job is on the line.
Okay, here's what you do.
You wait three minutes,
then you call security.
By the time they get in here
to lock me up, I'll be done.
He gets to live. Your ass
gets to be covered.
If he dies, let me know,
so I can pack my things.
Tests are negative. Patient's negative
for all floral allergies.
I'm going to restart
the antibiotics.
If he's still alive.
Ampicillin, two grams, IV.
Why? The steroids worked.
House was right.
The test was negative.
FOREMAN: He was still right.
It was an allergy.
To what?
Thank you.
I was wrong.
You should have stopped me.
Heard about House's patient.
Bold move.
And you backed him.
He was right.
He wasn't even in
the same neighborhood as right.
The patient's alive.
Okay, the rules exist
because 95% of the time,
for 95% of people,
they're the right thing to do.
And the other 5%?
Have to live
by the same rules.
Because everybody thinks
they're in that 5%.
Okay-
I noticed that Dr. Chase...
What are you doing out here?
I can't sleep.
I hate the waterbed.
I actually kind of like it.
No, it's awful.
We're returning it tomorrow.
Okay-
(WILSON SIGHS)
I'm glad you got it, though.
Me, too.
I hope they'll
take it back.
They will.
(WILSON LAUGHS)
ANNA: You promised me
you'd stop drinking.
BROCK: Of course I'm drunk, Anna.
They told me you'd never
wake up from that coma.
But how could you get
engaged to my sister?
We fell in love.
What do you want from me,
Anna? I'm just a man.
And I'm just a woman.
And as thrilled as I am
about The Lady Slipper being
the best nightclub
Port Lawrence has ever seen...
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Hello.
HOUSE: Don't hang up.
What was the verdict?
$200,000 fine.
You should have been fired.
Good night, House.
There are bubbles
in his glass.
Can't this wait until...
My patient.
He's allergic to quinine.
And you got this from bubbles?
His symptoms started
two months ago.
That's also when Brock
started downing gin and tonics
like
a Brit staving off malaria.
Gin was fake,
the tonic was real.
And tonic water
is loaded with quinine.
Nice job.
You should have been fired.
I'm taking back the TV.
I saved his life.
That wasn't the deal.
The contract clearly stated
no takesie-backsies.
Good night, House.
What are you wearing?
- Good night, House.
- Good night, Cuddy.