House (2004–2012): Season 4, Episode 13 - No More Mr. Nice Guy - full transcript

(PEOPLE CLAMORING)

Whoever thought walking in a circle at
two miles an hour would be draining?

Fresh air, exercise.

You know, some things
do have their negative sides.

Our income just
got cut in half.

And we get to spend
twice as much time together.

More, if you don't leave
before your lunch hour is over.

(CHUCKLES)

Out of my way.

We have a legal right
to hold you up for 15 seconds.

Fifteen, fourteen...



One.

Eleven, ten...

Ow!

Just trying to do my job.

Hey, relax.
Three more seconds and you can go.

Are you telling
me what to do?

It's okay.

Just take a breath.

Get the hell off me!

(LAUGHS) I think
it's been 15...

You Okay?

(THUD)

WOMAN: Oh, my God. Jeff?

(ALL CHATTERING)



WOMAN: Standby.

(SLURPING)

Place is a mess.

Welcome to a world without nurses.
Here, you can start with these.

HOUSE: It's not my fault.
I don't use nurses.

Cuddy was looking for you,
said she would send you down here.

I know. That's why I'm here.

Because Cuddy
hasn't found you yet.

She's going to look everywhere
except the place she wants me to be.

- Hey.
- I've got an aortic dissection here.

What's with the idiot?

(CAMERON SIGHS)

Fainting spell
and a recent history of dysgeusia,

everything tastes like
lemon meringue pie.

You want to take him?

No.

Si"

Why do you have two
lunches in front of you?

Been here for two meals.

- And you're happy with that?
- No.

I just don't see much
use in complaining.

Seriously?

It's a pretty useful tool.

You complain,
make people miserable.

Then they do what you want,
to make the misery go away.

We probably should say something.
Maybe I can call one of the doctors...

They're doing their best.

Ow!

What the hell?

I'm sure it was an accident.

Is he Canadian?

He's a low priority.

Is that a yes?

- He's just...
- Happy-

I've got to stop this,
before it spreads.

(WHISTLES)

You guys are done.

Could be a metabolic disorder,
toxic exposure,

carcinoma of the tongue metastasized
to the brain, epilepsy, M.S.

Or it could be the flu
and we should all be back in the E.R.

No, you're ignoring
the big symptom.

What if we were looking at both the flu
and decent parenting.

Okay, you two
are perfectly healthy.

This guy wasn't pandering.
He wasn't vanilla nice.

He was nice without any
aspiration of personal gain.

I'm thinking genetic defect.

(SCOFFS) Niceness
is a defect?

Three cavemen see a stranger
running towards them with a spear

one fights, one flees, one smiles
and invites him over for fondue.

That last guy didn't last
long enough to procreate.

And how long has the
patient been suffering?

At least as long as his wife
has known him, eleven years.

The chances of him having an undiagnosed
pathology for that long...

What are you saying?

Evolution is wrong?

(SCOFFS) Where do you think
we are? 21st century America?

He's saying that
statistics are true, too.

The world is a bell curve,

most of us fall within
the standard deviation.

But there are outliers.

And if we believe in the existence
of extreme jerkiness,

which I suspect that we do,

then we also have to accept the
existence of the opposite extreme.

You want it to be a symptom,
because then we're supposed to be jerks,

which means you don't even
have to try to be nice.

Okay, maybe I am biased.
Let's take a vote.

Who thinks that niceness
is not a symptom?

And who thinks that
their vote counts?

You two, check out his home
for toxins. Taub and 31...

31?

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that
either way was good with you.

Taub and Thirteen, MRI for tumors,
EEG for nerve damage

and test whatever comes out of him
for everything else.

CHASE: Too much axis tilt.

Don't release until your thumb's
at the bottom of the ball.

I assume Wilson was busy.

Again.

No axis tilt.

With Amber?

Again.

Still. It was nice of you
to invite me. This is fun.

No, it wasn't.
No, it isn't.

I didn't invite you to
be nice, I invited you

because bowling isn't one of the two
things guys do by themselves.

What's the second thing?

Other hand.

Well, if people are incapable of being
nice, why bother having the word?

The ontological
proof of niceness.

The existence of the word proves the
existence of the concept.

Look out for those minotaurs
on your drive home.

And I thought motives didn't matter,
only results mattered.

So what are you gonna do?

To screw up Wilson's relationship
so you don't have to listen to me

while you bowl.

I wish the best for them,
and their tragically deformed children.

She's good at being bad.

(GUTTER BALLING)

You might not be
able to destroy her.

As long as I give it my best shot,
I can hold my head high.

Cameron had this
one insufferable friend.

She wasn't going to get rid of her,
and I sure wasn't going to join them.

So I just said,
"See her on Thursdays."

I know it's not as exciting
as an exploding birthday cake,

but, hell, I don't want to hang out
with her every night anyway.

That's amazing. Cameron only has
one insufferable friend?

Joint custody.

Of Wilson?

Unless we have
another love child.

Deal with him.

He needs a mother figure.

I'm not saying you're not entitled
to spend time with him.

I'm just saying
I'm entitled, too.

I don't know how to deal with him
when he's being reasonable.

This is reasonable?
This is crazy.

You're not a child,
you can make your own plans.

No. Crazy is what House
would normally do in this situation,

swap your lubricant
with super glue.

The man knows me.

This is his way
of accepting us.

It's actually a very
touching moment.

I'm proposing I get every other
day and every other weekend.

I have Yoga Wednesdays,
you can have him then,

but you have to have
him home by 11:00.

We can swap weekends.

Mondays and Wednesdays.
And midnight.

If he's not home till midnight,
we won't be asleep till almost 2:00.

Wilson, make a ruling.

(LAUGHS)

No.

You two are like dogs circling
each other in the park.

And I say that
with all the love in the world.

You need to sniff
each other's butts, bare your teeth

and arrive at some
strange détente.

Otherwise you'll
end up biting each other's eyes out.

Again, with all the
love in the world.

I'll let you sniff first.

Take my deal or get
out of my apartment.

Take my deal or I move in.

This guy worked for Habitat
for Humanity in Costa Rica.

And coaches handicapped kids.

You think we should do a work up,
on the other coaches?

It is possible
he's too perfect.

I'm not saying he's perfect,
I'm saying he's trying to be.

It's what people do.

What?

That's not what people do.

People usually suck, but they
want to be good, want to be nice.

House?

Exception that
proves the rule.

What sort of
argument is that?

Bad one.

That might be relevant.

Hydrofluoric acid. Lowers his calcium,
causes the fainting and taste issue.

But not the niceness.

Wouldn't that be nice?

You are King Solomon.

If you want us to cut him in half,
we're cool with that.

My boyfriend's too much of a wuss
to make the call for himself.

And I mean that with
all the love in the world.

I'm gonna piss off one of them.
And they both scare me.

"Your treatment of patients
is reprehensible."

You're reading his
performance review?

I'm busy. We have
a nurses' strike.

"Your management of employees
borders on abuse."

Let's go.

No, I...
I want to hear it.

"You are overtly contemptuous
of hospital hierarchy."

And covertly.

But I suppose, you
didn't know about that.

"Your attitude towards supervisory
personnel is disrespectful.

"And a disturbingly large proportion of
your comments are racist or sexist."

That top makes you look
like an Afghani prostitute.

Would be an example of that.

Sign this.

- House, I got the...
- It can wait.

I will sign if you
will give us a ruling.

I will give you a ruling
if you do the reviews on your team.

I'd be happy to continue
the mockery of this process.

- What did you offer him?
- Wednesdays till 11 :00,

and alternate weekends.

Wednesdays till 11 :00,
and alternate weekends.

Yes! Wednesday nights
are Ladies' Nights at Cheetah's.

Calcium's normal.

Wow. It really could wait.

- Everything's normal.
- And you thought it wouldn't be?

He's a carpet cleaner, he's got
a home full of hydrofluoric acid.

Doesn't mean his
calcium should be low.

Yeah, actually, it kind of does.
HF causes lower levels of...

- Lower, not low.
- Lower than normal.

Lower than yesterday.
Yesterday might have been high.

What's lower than high?

He actually has hypercalcemia,

which is being lowered
to normal by the HF.

So what gives us elevated calcium,
bad taste and fainting?

I take it you know.

Get the team.
This is gonna be fun.

Hello, again.

These people think
you're not too nice.

Too nice? For what?

For life as we know it to have evolved
without an intelligent designer.

I'm going to
prove them wrong.

Your wife is very ugly.

Get out of here.

JEFF: Deb...

He's obviously
trying to prove a point.

I think I just did. You're either
perfect or you're sick.

And in my experience,
sick is much more common.

He's not sick. He's nice.

Nice in the sense that your toaster
is nice for making you breakfast.

It's the only thing his
wiring will let him do.

He has Williams Syndrome.

Your husband is missing
the genes that make him suspicious.

You're wrong, he's...

Relax, there's no cure.

He's gonna go right on
tasting lemon meringue pie,

fainting and being a sap.

What about the other symptoms?

He has no other symptoms.

But Williams does.

He's got the teeth,
the glasses...

Williams cuts IQ by 20...

He doesn't work in
the physics department,

except when they spill
a black hole on their carpet.

Elfin appearance?

Yeah, he's more Legolas
than Keebler.

Bet you he can still crack
off a batch of Pecan Sandies.

Perfect pitch?

You love to karaoke, right?

- I suck.
- Modest.

- Another symptom.
- No, he really does suck.

Give us a warble.
Know any Cher?

No, but I know Bread.

(SINGING)
Baby, I'm-a want you

Baby, I'm-a need you

You're the only one
I care enough to hurt about

Maybe I'm-a...

(SINGING INCOHERENTLY)

What's the matter?

(GROANS)

He's stroking!

Not a moment too soon.

TAUB: You were wrong.

Why do people say that with such
pleasure? It's very hurtful, you know.

It means the patient gets to keep
being nice. Why does that offend you?

It's the way he said it.

He wasn't relieved, he was excited.
He was also wrong.

And I say that with
no sense of pleasure.

KUTNER: Patient tested
negative for Williams,

which means the stroke
and everything else wasn't caused...

You have a friendly demeanor
but you sometimes get too involved.

You relate well
to your peers and patients

and you complete tasks
in a timely manner.

Please sign.

- What the hell was that?
- I have to give

each of you
performance reviews.

Plenty of other conditions
can cause debilitating niceness.

How is that supposed
to help him?

I don't know,
how was it supposed to help Wilson?

Cross out Wilson's name and the date
and then fill in your own.

The point of a review
is to give feedback to help...

I'm thinking neurosyphilis.

Wouldn't show up on the MRI
without contrast.

I'll go run the tests.

He doesn't think it's syphilis, but
he's gonna go run those tests anyway.

Because he doesn't know,
that's why we do tests.

Because he's a wimp.
Because he's afraid of you.

You want me to intimidate him
into not being afraid?

- Not sure I know how to do that.
- Reviews make a difference.

People have to listen,
so they have to learn...

I don't think the right time

to tell the dog not to pee
on the rug is semi-annually.

You don't want to
do the paperwork.

I am concerned
about the rain forest.

(SIGHS)

I'll do it.

I know.

I don't have syphilis.

You don't know.

How many ways
are there to get it?

You can know who you had sex with,
you can't know who she...

I do.

Not for sure.

It's a waste of time. I had a stroke.
You can't keep wasting time.

We were tested
for the Peace Corps.

Ten years ago.

You haven't been with
your wife every minute of every day.

You think I'm naive,
don't you?

I think you're... Yeah.

I know my wife.

She's not perfect.

I'm not perfect.
But she loves me.

And she's always loved me.
Every minute, every day.

(PLAYING BLUES MUSIC)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

You're 15 minutes late.

Have you heard the good news?

Miley Cyrus is playing
a third night at the Spectrum?

Happiness is possible.

And not just in this life
but in the next. Where you can...

Oh, you're selling religion! I'm sorry,
I bought some Islam yesterday.

Well, it's where your light
showed signs before mending...

MAN: Have a good evening.

- You're late.
- Fifteen minutes.

Sixteen minutes.
My sixteen minutes.

So keep him an extra
sixteen minutes.

You hear that?
She doesn't care.

You're going mini-golfing, what's it
matter? You've got a tee-off time?

It matters because you don't
get to decide what matters.

It was my fault.
I had to take a shower.

Which was my fault.

I have to take a dump.

Anything else I don't need
to know before you leave?

Have fun on your play date.
You've got mommy's numbers, right?

Daddy needs a drink.

I was thinking, if we discount
the niceness issue...

Sit down.

- I think it's a heart defect.
- Nothing on the echo.

Could be a patent foramen ovale.
Explains the stroke and the syncope

and a PFO wouldn't show up
on a routine echo.

I'm going to do a bubble test.

You got a minute, first?

Sure.

I think you've shown remarkable strength
in a difficult situation.

Are you giving me
a performance review?

A good one.

I'm gonna do a bubble test.

There was enough blood left over from
his admission work up to run the VDRL.

You doubted your patient?

No, what I thought
didn't matter.

House said he wouldn't let us go on
until we ruled out neurosyphilis.

It's not neurosyphilis,
it's a PFO.

It's neurosyphilis.
The tests were positive.

It's always the same conversation.
They tell you you must be mistaken,

which is why I always run the tests
twice. Then they blame the other guy.

Which makes sense
if they're innocent.

But, obviously,
half of them aren't.

They don't seem to get that they're
busted. Scientifically proven.

Unless your spouse
cheated, too.

Exactly. That's what you're praying for
in that moment, that she cheated, too.

And then, if she doesn't kill
you, you know that she did.

You'd know she betrayed you.

And then you realize
that that sucks worse.

(CLEARS THROAT)

The test must be wrong.

I ran it twice.

Not that test. The one
I took 10 years ago.

What other explanation
is there?

He really sees no
other possibility.

Did you have an affair?

No.

Then why aren't you
angry with him?

You ever know anybody
who's just too nice?

- No.
- It's annoying.

Then you realize it's annoying

because they remind you
of what you're not,

that you'll never be
as good as they are.

And then you think,
why can't I?

And before you know it,

that naive idiot
you laughed at

has made you
a better person.

You really think I've been in love
all these years with a symptom?

If syphilis caused
lesions in his brain,

and the lesions
caused personality changes...

You may notice a change in him,
as his condition improves.

I know my husband.
He's not going to change.

You should get
yourself tested.

So much for the bell curve.

How can House be an ass
without it being an illness,

but niceness is
a biological crime?

You got five bucks?

Yeah...

Niceness just cost you five bucks,
being an ass generally turns a profit.

Kutner, could you excuse us?
I need to do Taub's review.

You can stay.

I think it'd be better
if this was done privately.

This isn't going to be done.

What is it with you guys?
I've given you advice before.

Not as our boss.

What's the difference?
Advice is advice.

Fair enough. I'll go first.

(CLEARS THROAT)

"You demonstrate a great air of
confidence,

which is really pissing me off."

- House authorized me to...
- How long have you known him?

- He's using you.
- I volunteered because

- I knew he wouldn't...
- He could care less

about the paperwork. He's using
you to screw with you.

He knows it'll annoy us,
we'll stand up to you,

which will force you
to confront the fact that

even though you think
you're our superior,

you're no different from us.

He gave you authority,
to keep you in your place.

- It's true.
- Thanks.

Not him. What did he say?

Nothing. What's true?

If there's something
wrong with this guy,

it means there's something
wrong with House.

Are you trying
to get me drunk?

(WILSON CHUCKLES)

- What time is it?
- 10:30.

(EXCLAIMS)

She'll kill you.

I'll get you home
before lights out.

Great, then she'll kill me.
If I get any more drunk...

It might not work.

If you know what I mean.

Really?

You'd think one or more of your ex-wives
would have mentioned that to me.

They told you? Wait.

Why do you want
to get Amber angry?

Because I'm your friend.

No, no, no, you said
you approved.

(CELL PHONE RINGING) You said
you were taking the high road.

For how long, the first exit?

Hello, and thank you from saving me
from being righteous to death.

THIRTEEN:
Patient's vomiting blood.

Hematemesis could indicate...

HOUSE:
Don't put it on the board.

You don't think
it's a symptom?

I think it's my marker.

HOUSE: He has syph and what?

And syph. It can
cause hematemesis.

Not everyone agrees.

How could you...

Because if you all thought
it was just syph

you wouldn't have woken me up
in the middle of the night.

If it was just syph,
he wouldn't be getting worse.

He's already on penicillin.

The bleeding's probably
from liver damage,

probably caused by ethanol in
the cleansers or the penicillin.

Two more probablies
than I like to hear.

Liver test and serologies,
are going to take a full day.

Full night, actually.

Guy might not
make it to brunch.

Yes, I knew about
your issue with alcohol.

Yes, I intentionally
got you drunk

to provoke an argument,
between you and Amber.

And why I'd do such a thing
is an interesting question.

But what's more interesting
is that you knew as much as I did,

and you're the one who's pouring down
the drinks. Why?

Because I thought I was out
having fun with a friend.

I didn't know the
drinks had subtext.

I gotta get home.

GGT's normal,
that rules out alcohol.

TAUB: What about
serum protein?

It's positive.

Kind of assumed
he had protein.

It's how much protein
he has that we care about.

He's positive for syphilis.

Do you mind if I give you
a performance review?

Not the patient. House.
He has syphilis.

What happened?

Every time I searched my soul,
I found Anna.

Are you going to tell Marie?

I have to.

WOMAN ON TV:
It will destroy her!

MAN ON TV:
Will it be any worse...

Yes?

You might want
to turn off the TV.

I'm multitasking.
Also doing my taxes. And Cuddy.

What did you find out?

Patient has hepatitis.

I assume from your omission of the word
"viral" before the "hep"

that it's not another STD.

Put him on steroids and test him for
sarcoid before the liver failure

becomes liver failed.

We're all doing this.

There's more?

You have syphilis.

MAN ON TV: Love lasts forever.

No, I don't.

One of us found a vial of your blood
in the lab from when we...

Which one of you?

It's treatable.

We filled a prescription.

You Okay?

So, this is why
he is who he is.

We don't know.

We know. It's not just
a coincidence.

Wilson says he's
always been a jerk.

But he got worse.

After his leg.

The leg was a coincidence.

Did you sleep with him?

So what's going to happen?
What's gonna change?

Maybe he'll be less of a jerk.

Or less of a doctor.

You gotta be a jerk
to be a good doctor?

I don't know.
Maybe House does.

Why aren't you answering me?

Because it's none
of their business.

It's none of your business.

I think the STD makes
it my business.

Humans are complicated.

Humans are simple.

A million different things
make us who we are.

You change one,
you change everything.

If Mozart was better adjusted,

decides to play catch one day,
maybe there's no Magic Flute.

You did, didn't you?

Something I need to tell you.

AMBER: You returned
him drunk.

- On time.
- Drunk.

On time. No tag backs.

The purpose of the time
was to give me time.

So you didn't have sex...

- I like sex.
- You can have it tonight.

The L Word is on.

You don't get to
decide what matters.

Either you're genuinely afraid
I'm gonna make him miserable,

or you're afraid I'm gonna make him
happy, or you simply can't stop screwing

with anything that moves. it doesn't
really matter because,

whatever the reason,

you'll only get worse.
Until either I stop seeing Wilson

or I stop you.

What do you think
I'm going to choose?

If you terminate the agreement, that's
not gonna bring peace to the Mideast.

I'm not terminating
the agreement.

I'm amending the agreement.

I'm adding penalty clauses.

Fine. Whoever violates it
gets their finger cut off.

- I'm serious.
- So am I.

You want people
to drive safer,

take out the airbags and attach a
machete pointing at their neck.

No one will drive over
three miles per hour.

- I'm not cutting...
- We'll figure it out.

On your time.

(SIGHS)

You know she's certifiable,
right? I got forms in my desk.

Where is she wrong?

What were you
going to tell me?

Nothing.

You're punishing me?

I needed to tell you
something privately.

I'm not gonna tell her.

You'll tell her. She's your girlfriend.
You should tell her.

You're my friend.

It's not the same.

Don't sulk.

Where am I wrong?

(DOOR CLOSES)

"Your management style
is counterproductive.

"You gave me authority over the team
just so they could undercut..."

Critiquing the clap-addled?

Sort of tasteless.

I don't feel like waiting
until your genitals cleared up.

You need to formalize
my authority over the team.

No, I don't.

You don't think I'm qualified?

Compared to those three?

You want to punish Cuddy
for hiring me without...

I like Cuddy.

Parts of her.

You want to crush the team,
by crushing me?

I want to empower them.

Those three idiots
need to respect you.

They should respect you.
They should be afraid of you.

So I have to humiliate you.

See, if the team fears you,
they won't question you,

if they don't question you,
they won't get any answers,

if they don't get any answers,
they're useless.

Mocking me saves lives?

Hospital will probably build
you a statue one day.

You know, with a "kick me"
sign, on the back.

So when you think about it,
the more I mock you,

the more it shows
that I have respect for you.

Or you made up that B.S.
because you like humiliating me.

Wouldn't rule that
out completely.

YOU busy?

Almost done.

So just remember, the rabbit goes around
the tree and jumps down the hole.

Negative for sarcoidosis.

Run him for everything
you can think of.

Lepto, schisto, hemo and the fourth
Marx Brother nobody ever heard of.

You bitch!

I just went to get us some
lunch. You were asleep.

You moved my book!

Jeff, calm down,
it's just the drugs.

The drugs didn't move my...

(JEFF GASPS)

Jeff?

(MACHINES BEEPING RAPIDLY)

My husband's having a heart attack!
Can somebody help me, please?

Somebody help me, please!

(HEART MONITOR FLAT LINES)

She saved his life.

Or she scabbed.
Depends on your point of view.

So, what do we think? New symptom?
Or just a wife beater?

Hey.

Time for you to take
this baby for a spin.

We loaded him full of prednisone
to try to fix the liver.

Good news is, he's running out
of organs to fail.

Prednisone could cause roid rage,
which could cause hypertension,

which results...

Roid rage after six hours?

That rate, by sundown,
he'll have eaten most of us.

Still could be the penicillin,
allergic reaction.

How does a fried liver
put him into a rage?

It's not frying his liver,
it's frying his syphilis.

The penicillin's working.
The real patient's emerging.

So syphilis prevents
domestic violence.

I'm gonna be even more
attractive to the ladies.

I was going to test for a heart issue
before the syphilis.

PFO could explain
the heart attack,

and reduced blood flow to the brain
could explain the rage.

Well, they're all good ideas.

Okay. Let's take a vote.

How many think
it's the roids talking?

And who's for the penicillin?

And how about
whatever she said?

Someone hasn't
raised their hand.

Whatever I decide?

You're setting me up.

Why would I do that?

PFO.

'V : have it.

I just hope the bubble test is positive.
Or it's no more Mr. Nice Guy.

(CLATTERING)

We gave van Gogh chelation therapy.
Turned him into a house painter.

Maybe not.
Maybe we just put Hitler on Ritalin.

Are you comparing
House to Hitler?

Oh, God.

Just because I don't think he's Hitler
doesn't mean I slept with him.

I don't sleep with everyone
who's better than Hitler.

Maybe Taub's right.
Maybe this is good.

This is not good.

He respected our opinions, he mocked
himself, he was civil, he shared.

He didn't care.

He never cares.

He didn't vote. He always cared
about one thing,

solving the puzzle.

But he was irrelevant in that diagnosis,
he had no opinion of his own.

He now cares about nothing.

You had no choice, you had to treat him.
What's done is done.

You know that thing I was going
to tell you? I gotta tell you.

I gotta tell someone.
You have to swear not to tell C.B.

- Whatever.
- That's not swearing, that's shrugging.

It's actually the
opposite of swearing.

I won't tell Amber.

My team thinks
that I have syphilis.

- Do you?
- Not yet.

Why do they think you do?

Because I knew they had access to
an old blood sample.

I knew they'd test it
sometime for something.

Why would you swap your blood?
What are you afraid they'll find?

Shut up, you're missing the point.
Now they think that I'm on penicillin.

Is this some clever practical
joke that I'm not aware of?

And as I get better,
I get nicer.

That's brilliant.

Foreman thinks I actually
value his opinion.

Thank God he said PFO
or I'd have had to do some dancing.

You got time for bowling?

Come on, it's work hours.

I'll get my shoes.

- So we don't need to talk about...
- No.

- You're gonna keep screwing...
- Yeah.

And you're gonna keep talking about it.
We are who we are.

I'll get my shoes.

Okay, got a good
view of the heart.

What if we lower House's
dosage? Maybe stabilize him?

He doesn't get worse,
he doesn't get better.

Quite the line to walk. If we're wrong,
he dies of neurosyphilis.

If we don't,
other people die.

Other people
who aren't our boss.

People.

This sucks. The guy
had a gift. I killed...

- Hi. What...
- House doesn't have syphilis.

He switched
the blood samples.

How do you know that?

House told Wilson.

I wanted to ruin
House's day. See you.

- We're idiots.
- We're not idiots.

Positive blood test
means positive blood test.

Apparently not.

There they are.
Let's see if they...

What are you doing?
We're not done.

He doesn't have syphilis.

I know.

KUTNER: Patient tested
positive for syphilis, right?

Is this some sort of recap?

But why did he test
positive for syphilis?

Oh, oh, I know this.

Either, one,
he has syphilis.

I was gonna say that.

Or two, the test
was wrong twice.

Or three, he gave us
someone else's blood.

- Who?
- Amber.

Get that idiotic smile out of my face,
I gotta go on a killing spree.

Or four, he has something that tests
positive for syphilis.

- It's not Chagas.
- He worked in Costa Rica,

before he was married.

Is two a spree or do
I have to kill you too?

Chagas wouldn't
explain the niceness.

I've heard of remote tribes that
actually practice acts of kindness.

Or the Chagas
caused encephalitis.

The MRI showed no signs...

Until we started him on steroids,
compromised the immune system

and let the
infection flare up.

I did another one.
It's not much.

It's plenty.

You figured this out
because I don't have syphilis?

Damn.

It should have
been my epiphany.

Good news and bad news.

Good news is,
we know what you have,

it's treatable,
and you're going to live.

Really?

What's the bad news?

The cure is a grueling
course of pills.

It's like

one a day for a month.

Now you're just trying
to make me laugh.

Yeah, like that's a challenge.

You have Chagas disease.

It's a parasite. It's been
asymptomatic for 10 years.

Not quite. Your brain's been
swollen, not enough to see,

but enough to alter
your personality.

We're back to that?

He screamed at you,
you don't think he can change?

That was because of the drugs.

So you think drugs
are more powerful than parasites?

I mean, the ones we're gonna give you to
treat the parasites obviously are,

but I stand by the principle.

(JEFF BREATHES DEEPLY)

I'm not worried.

Neither am I.

Neither am I. But that's
because I don't care.

Reviews?

It was brought to my
attention that, on occasion,

I am not respectful
of hospital hierarchy.

The word was "contemptuous."

Well phrased, thoughtful...

identically phrased.
These are all the same.

Because underneath it all,
we are all the same.

And Foreman refused
to type his up.

Well, it's more
than I expected.

There's an extra one in there.

"Your treatment of patients
is nonexistent

"because you're not a doctor,
you're an administrator."

Foreman convinced me
that these could be helpful.

"Your management
of employees is,

well, let's face it, they're
outside carrying signs."

The strike ended. The nurses have been
back for two shifts already.

You'd think I'd have noticed.
What exactly did they do around here?

"You act like employees should fear and
respect you, but your eyes tell us...

"Actually your eyes tell us nothing,
because we're looking at your boobs,

"which tell us that you're desperate
to have someone jump on you

"and tell you they love you one grunted
syllable at a time.

"What you want, you run away from.
What you need, you don't have a clue.

"What you've accomplished
makes you proud.

"But you're still miserable."

Please sign.

I got a call from Amber today.

Says there's been
a violation your contract.

You've been seeing
Wilson on her time.

She breached confidentiality.

You can let it slide,
Officer, we're even.

Yes, you are.
You're both losing fingers.

Look what I found.

Nice.

They think you might be able
to come home tomorrow.

Yeah? That's good.

What's the matter?

The ketchup. There's something
wrong with that.

Tastes fine.
ls there anything else?

Everything else is great.

I just, I don't know, I guess
I don't like ketchup anymore.

Wonder what else I don't like.

Roll over.

We need a tougher punishment.

You want to come over
to the poopy side?

So where are you two
going Friday night?

Dinner at L'Auberge.

You're lying.

Of course I am.