Hot in Cleveland (2010–2015): Season 6, Episode 11 - About a Joy - full transcript
"Hot in Cleveland" is recorded
in front
of a live studio audience.
Aw, damn it.
This guy I'm playing Words
with Friends with is killing me.
Who is it?
I don't know.
But as a detective, I've
cobbled together a profile...
Mid-40s, foulmouthed,
and extremely intelligent.
He's beat me 20 times in a row.
Let's make it 21.
Well, smartass 93-year-old
was my second guess.
Hey, Elka, we should play.
I'm really good at Scrabble.
You know what my nickname
was in high school?
Pizza Face?
Back Brace?
Four Eyes?
Yes.
But it was also Word Nerd.
While everyone else
was drinking and dancing
at the prom, I was at home
playing Scrabble.
With my mom.
Okay, everybody.
You can play your games,
but let's keep the competition
at a friendly level.
Remember, Wilbur's staying
with us this week.
Oh, I love when your grandson
comes to stay.
He is such a sweet little boy.
Yeah, he reminds me of myself
at that age back in Canada.
You know, if he plays
his cards right,
he too may one day be captain
of the high-school
maple-tapping team.
Have his pick.
- Of the girls?
- No, of the trees.
Well, enough of my glory days.
We still have to figure out
our presentation for tomorrow.
It's career day
at Wilbur's school.
Bob and I are gonna talk
about being detectives.
Shall we head back
to the office?
No, you go.
I was gonna stop by that place.
Oh, pick me up a thing.
Yeah, but not the one
with the stuff.
Ha!
No, what a mess.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Wow.
You and Bob almost seem
like a couple.
What?
No.
I mean, Bob is great, but that
special something is missing.
You know
how when you love someone,
there's sort of a glow
about them?
An aura?
Yeah.
I want a guy that glows, too.
I had a guy who glowed.
Sinatra.
Can you get through one day
without mentioning
that you slept with Sinatra?
I can.
But I won't.
Hello, all.
Hey.
Oh, cute outfit.
We went outdoor spinning.
You mean biking?
Don't make it sound cheap.
You remember Barney.
Hi, everyone.
Vic, I'm gonna go fill up
our water bottles.
Oh, that is so sweet.
This woman is awesome.
Mwah.
Is he a friend of Wilbur's?
Make your jokes, but dating
a younger man is fantastic.
You know, coming to Cleveland
took a few years off me.
And winning an Oscar
took a few more years off me.
If I win a Grammy,
I could go to prom.
Or stay home and play Scrabble,
'cause that's a fun night, too.
Hey, babe.
It is so beautiful outside.
What if we kept going
and biked the lake route?
Unless you're not up for it.
Oh, no, I'm totally up for it.
No, I'll... I'll meet you
out there.
- Bye.
- Bye.
What are you waiting for?
Uh, my very young-looking legs
seem to have seized up a little.
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪
♪ Hey! ♪
Finally.
George Clooney is starving.
I'm sorry, George.
I have
your Cesar Savory Delights.
I think he has a little crush
on the dog on the package.
Looks like a boy dog.
Don't judge, Melanie.
Okay, Word Nerd.
It's your turn.
Oh, I have
a really good word, too...
Kahlúa.
Oh, I also have a really good
recipe for Kahlúa.
Then why are we playing
this stupid game?
Well, I hate to admit it,
but Barney might be
wearing me out.
Really?
What'd you do last night?
Ugh, we went to a midnight movie
and then dinner after.
I was so tired
when the meal came,
I might accidentally
have eaten it.
Is there a food called nachos,
or was I dreaming?
Victoria,
maybe it's time to admit
that he's maybe too young
or you're maybe too...
Bup, bup, bup, bup! I cannot
hear the end of that sentence.
Yeah, when you get old,
your hearing goes, too.
Well, would a person who is old
be going to meet her boyfriend
to play laser tag?
Oh my life.
So, you see, kids,
our detective agency
specializes in cases of...
infidelity.
This woman here is the best
honey trap in the business.
- Bob.
- Hmm?
Grandma?
What's a honey trap?
Uh...
Wilbur, let me explain.
Say you're a man,
and you have a cookie.
And you've had that cookie
for a while.
And it's just not making
your mouth water anymore.
It's become dried up
and... unappetizing.
That doesn't happen
to all cookies.
Some retain
their gooey freshness.
Oh, yes, they do.
Anyway, kids, you go
looking for a new cookie,
your old cookie may get upset...
and hire us.
And the original cookie might
get a new car in the divorce.
That's right, Mrs. Johnson.
It's Miss O'Roarke now.
Are you two married?
Well, that's
an interesting question.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, uh, we're colleagues.
I'm Wilbur's grandmother,
and Bob is Wilbur's...
Bob.
It's true.
I am his Bob.
Okay, boys and girls.
Time to retrieve your lunches.
Thank you for coming in today,
Mr. Moore and Ms. Scroggs.
- Here we go.
- Ah, thank you.
You guys make the cutest family.
Oh, we're not a family.
I mean, Wilbur and I
are related, but Bob is my boss.
Yes.
Like Colin Firth
and his Portuguese housekeeper
in "Love Actually."
Or Hugh Grant and his assistant,
also in "Love Actually."
A lot of people end up falling
in love with their bosses.
That was the message
of that movie.
So, Wilbur, I saw a big kid
step on your lunch.
That's Aiden.
He does it every day.
I didn't see that.
Wilbur, why didn't you tell me?
'Cause big boys don't like
to be tattletales,
do they, Wilbur?
Yeah.
Sometimes he pushes me down.
You know, if I taught you
a little karate,
you could fight back
if you had to.
Or you could talk to Aiden
and tell him
you don't like being pushed
because fighting
doesn't solve things.
Hey, cutie.
You want to see the machine
that made your milkshake?
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
Bob.
You know what?
I'm gonna talk to Melanie.
She did conflict resolution
at her kids' school in L.A.
She'll know what to do.
Bullies don't speak
conflict resolution.
You've got to talk to them
in the only language
they understand... force.
This may surprise you,
but I once knew someone
- who was bullied.
- It's you.
Yes, but that was gonna be
the twist ending.
I would like to thank
Aiden's parents, Pete and Kim,
for joining us.
In conflict resolution,
we call this the talking stick.
The person holding it
can share their feelings
without any fear of judgment.
I'm confused.
If that's the talking stick,
what do we call Joy?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I-I was up until 4:00 a.m.
You see, I'm dating this guy
who's 20 years younger
than I am.
20 years younger.
Really?
Yeah, he's 60.
Elka.
I've got the stick.
I can say what I want.
That's not how the stick works.
Pete, would you like
to start off?
Sure.
This whole thing feels like
a lot of L.A. nonsense.
This is just a simple case
of boys being boys.
Young men have a lot of energy.
Huh, that's for damn sure.
If you ask me, your son
needs to learn right from wrong.
Oh.
Look who's preaching morality.
Aiden told us that you trap men
into doing things
by giving them cookies...
With your legs.
Give me that stick.
I can explain.
First off...
yes, Joy has amazing legs.
Long and shapely,
and one can only imagine
what they'd feel like wrapped
around one's shoulders.
Bob!
Sorry.
What was the question?
Why does everyone
want boys to act
like well-behaved little girls?
Pete's right.
I have a purse full of pills
the pediatrician
wants me to give Aiden.
But I'm not gonna give my kid
Adderall.
Adderall, you say?
Isn't that what college kids
take to stay up all night?
This is a waste of time.
I say we just let the kids
work it out for themselves.
Oh, so you plan to do nothing?
You're happy
to just let your evil spawn
continue to bully my grandson?
Let's go, Pete.
Oh, that's great.
Just walk away.
Just know that if your
little thug lays another hand
on my sweet grandchild...
- Control your wife, Bob.
- We're not a couple.
I'm not his wife.
Not yet.
What are you doing?
How is that helpful?
Oh, Joy, calm down.
Oh... my... God.
Did you just ask a woman
to calm down?
I don't remember.
I-I don't think so.
Look, I think
we should go back to my plan
of Wilbur defending himself.
I already told you...
I don't want that.
Look, we should just sit down
together and talk through this.
But we're not together.
We're not a couple.
I can't make it any more clear.
There is no "we," Bob.
And there never will be.
Okay.
But that doesn't stop me
from caring about Wilbur.
That's sweet.
When it comes to us,
you have got to move on.
I hear you.
Maybe I ought to head up
to Canada for a couple of days.
Take some walks in the woods.
Tap a few trees.
Mmm.
I am much better at Kahlúa
than I am at Words with Friends.
And the great thing about our
Kahlúa is, I don't feel drunk,
because we put
extra coffee in it.
And I don't feel wired because
we put extra vodka in it.
Oh, poor Wilbur, being bullied.
You know, I had a bully
when I was a kid.
Kaylin Boosalis.
I had a bully, too.
Adolf Hitler.
You know, I am two Kahlúas away
from calling that jerk
and giving her
a piece of my mind.
In gym class, she used to steal
the basketball away from me
and bounce it off my head.
It was the worst.
Did you not hear me say
my bully was Hitler?
Hey!
You're still up.
Victoria, are you just getting
back from your date with Barney?
It was great.
We went to see a band.
And then we danced,
and then we walked home
instead of taking a cab.
Where did all this energy
come from?
Oh, Barney makes me feel young.
I'm exercising now, so I have
my own natural reserves.
Plus, I stole Adderall
out of that bully mom's purse.
What?
You stole her pills?
Honey, that's not
what they're for.
Elka, can you believe this?
All I got was a Starbucks card
from the dad's coat.
Why are you guys stealing
from our guests?
Because they didn't bring
a hostess gift.
Victoria,
you should not need pills
to keep up with your boyfriend.
He should love you
for who you are.
Oh, grow up, Melanie.
Nobody loves anybody
for who they are.
These pills are the only thing
keeping me going.
But I've only got one left,
and I need it to get upstairs.
What am I gonna do?
I need to get more Adderall
so that I can make it
through Barney's birthday party.
See, he's the first one
in our group turning 30,
so it's a big one.
Oh, Joy, honey, I'm sorry.
Did we get you up?
No. I couldn't sleep.
Just feeling anxious.
About Wilbur?
No, I'm gonna talk
to his teacher tomorrow.
Honey, why do you keep
checking your phone?
Well, Bob usually texts me
at night.
He lays out
three pairs of pajamas,
and I pick the ones I like.
I mean, I'm glad he stopped.
It's just weird
not to get the text.
It's a little weird either way.
Just admit it... You miss Bob.
It's not that.
I'm just used to him.
But I don't want
to think about Bob.
I should be concentrating
on Wilbur.
You know what might be helpful?
Getting a prescription
for Wilbur for Adderall.
What?
I wouldn't give him Adderall.
Oh, and I wouldn't want you to.
And the bully is Aiden.
I'm not surprised.
That kid's a soul patch away
from getting expelled.
So, what do we do?
The school has a whole process.
Witness reports, evaluations.
I got to tell you...
It could take weeks.
- Weeks?
- I'll go get the forms.
Wilbur?
Did you throw that snowball?
You're not supposed to let
people know your strength.
What?
When you lose your temper,
you can really hurt people.
Now, I want you to promise
never to do it again.
And shake on it.
Aah!
Too hard.
You know the doctor said
those gamma rays
made you super-strong.
Is Wilbur the Hulk?
I'm not allowed to say.
But yes.
Just don't make him angry.
Don't make him angry.
Oh.
All right.
Enough of that.
You go play.
Thank you guys for coming
to my birthday.
And thank you, Victoria,
for making this happen.
Being with you
makes me so happy.
And being with you
makes me so...
tired.
You passed out
in the birthday cake?
Oh, it was awful.
Just as I was thinking, "This is
one of the worst moments
of my life,"
the waitress asked me
if I'd be paying
for my son's birthday party.
Oh, I'm sorry...
I wasn't there.
- So you broke up with Barney?
- Yeah.
I mean, dating a younger guy
is like driving a convertible.
It's fun at first, but then
you realize your hair is a mess,
you're sunburnt, and everyone
assumes you rented it anyway.
Hey, Joy.
Where you been?
Out driving around.
Trying to sort through
some feelings.
I saw it.
I saw the aura.
I think I'm in love with Bob.
What changed things?
He clobbered a 7-year-old with
a snowball to protect Wilbur.
It was the most romantic thing
anyone's ever done for me.
- Is the kid hurt?
- Who cares?
I'm in love.
And I'm finally seeing
what everyone else
was already seeing...
We're a couple.
I used to think,
"He's not Simon. He's not Mitch.
He's Bob."
But now I think,
"He's not Simon. He's not Mitch.
He's Bob."
- Aww!
- Aww!
She is so gonna say "aww"
when she wakes up.
Oh, Bob.
I'm so glad you're here.
Joy, this is a surprise.
There's so much
I need to tell you.
I was at the school today, and
I saw what you did for Wilbur.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
I know you told me to butt out,
but it's just...
he was on my mind the whole time
I was in Canada...
No, no.
No, I loved it.
And I'm sorry about
what I said the other night.
Joy, you never need
to apologize to me for anything.
Sure, I cried
a few manly tears at first,
but... then in
the bracing Saskatchewan cold,
who should I run into
but my old girlfriend?
Canadian Joy.
She...
Oh.
Sorry to interrupt.
No, not at all.
You two should meet.
Joy, Joy.
Joy, Joy.
- Joy.
- Joy.
Hey, babe, I couldn't get
the vending machine to work.
Ah, that machine
is temperamental.
That's why I treat it
like a woman...
Just keep putting money into it
till it gives me what I want.
- He's funny.
- Cut the crap, Cleveland Joy.
I know you want him,
but he's mine.
You make one move on him,
and I'll chop you up
and feed you to my sled dogs.
Damn, my hand is stuck!
Be right there, Bob.
Isn't he cutest?
Say yes, and I'll kill you.
Well, that's the last
of the Kahlúa.
Should we make some more?
Oh, I don't know.
I drunk dialed my old bully
last night
and left
a long and rambling message.
Oh, I wouldn't worry about it.
Maybe she didn't get it.
Hey, Melanie.
Are you in there?
It's her.
It's my bully.
I guess she got it.
Melanie.
Hi.
Hi, Kaylin.
What a surprise.
Well, I got your message,
and so I asked my pilot
to stop here
on my way to New York.
Your pilot?
What, you have a plane?
Well, two.
I am uber successful...
because I created Uber.
This is for you.
You're not gonna hit me with it,
are you?
Of course not.
Think fast!
Oh, God!
Oh, nobody ever flinched
like you, Moretti.
It's a gift for you signed
by the basketball team I own.
Oh, well, okay, so
it's an apology gift
for the way you treated me.
No.
It's more like a thank-you.
You taught me how great it feels
to intimidate
even the most likable person.
You're the reason
I'm so successful.
Now give me a hug.
Oh, no. No, I'm not...
Not gonna hug you.
- I said a hug.
- Okay.
Wow.
You got boobs.
Never thought
that was gonna happen.
Well...
guess I got my apology.
Is that what happened?
Yeah, that's how I choose
to look at it.
I choose to see the glass
as half full.
Not for long.
♪ Hey! ♪
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪
♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪
♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
♪ Hey! ♪
in front
of a live studio audience.
Aw, damn it.
This guy I'm playing Words
with Friends with is killing me.
Who is it?
I don't know.
But as a detective, I've
cobbled together a profile...
Mid-40s, foulmouthed,
and extremely intelligent.
He's beat me 20 times in a row.
Let's make it 21.
Well, smartass 93-year-old
was my second guess.
Hey, Elka, we should play.
I'm really good at Scrabble.
You know what my nickname
was in high school?
Pizza Face?
Back Brace?
Four Eyes?
Yes.
But it was also Word Nerd.
While everyone else
was drinking and dancing
at the prom, I was at home
playing Scrabble.
With my mom.
Okay, everybody.
You can play your games,
but let's keep the competition
at a friendly level.
Remember, Wilbur's staying
with us this week.
Oh, I love when your grandson
comes to stay.
He is such a sweet little boy.
Yeah, he reminds me of myself
at that age back in Canada.
You know, if he plays
his cards right,
he too may one day be captain
of the high-school
maple-tapping team.
Have his pick.
- Of the girls?
- No, of the trees.
Well, enough of my glory days.
We still have to figure out
our presentation for tomorrow.
It's career day
at Wilbur's school.
Bob and I are gonna talk
about being detectives.
Shall we head back
to the office?
No, you go.
I was gonna stop by that place.
Oh, pick me up a thing.
Yeah, but not the one
with the stuff.
Ha!
No, what a mess.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Wow.
You and Bob almost seem
like a couple.
What?
No.
I mean, Bob is great, but that
special something is missing.
You know
how when you love someone,
there's sort of a glow
about them?
An aura?
Yeah.
I want a guy that glows, too.
I had a guy who glowed.
Sinatra.
Can you get through one day
without mentioning
that you slept with Sinatra?
I can.
But I won't.
Hello, all.
Hey.
Oh, cute outfit.
We went outdoor spinning.
You mean biking?
Don't make it sound cheap.
You remember Barney.
Hi, everyone.
Vic, I'm gonna go fill up
our water bottles.
Oh, that is so sweet.
This woman is awesome.
Mwah.
Is he a friend of Wilbur's?
Make your jokes, but dating
a younger man is fantastic.
You know, coming to Cleveland
took a few years off me.
And winning an Oscar
took a few more years off me.
If I win a Grammy,
I could go to prom.
Or stay home and play Scrabble,
'cause that's a fun night, too.
Hey, babe.
It is so beautiful outside.
What if we kept going
and biked the lake route?
Unless you're not up for it.
Oh, no, I'm totally up for it.
No, I'll... I'll meet you
out there.
- Bye.
- Bye.
What are you waiting for?
Uh, my very young-looking legs
seem to have seized up a little.
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪
♪ Hey! ♪
Finally.
George Clooney is starving.
I'm sorry, George.
I have
your Cesar Savory Delights.
I think he has a little crush
on the dog on the package.
Looks like a boy dog.
Don't judge, Melanie.
Okay, Word Nerd.
It's your turn.
Oh, I have
a really good word, too...
Kahlúa.
Oh, I also have a really good
recipe for Kahlúa.
Then why are we playing
this stupid game?
Well, I hate to admit it,
but Barney might be
wearing me out.
Really?
What'd you do last night?
Ugh, we went to a midnight movie
and then dinner after.
I was so tired
when the meal came,
I might accidentally
have eaten it.
Is there a food called nachos,
or was I dreaming?
Victoria,
maybe it's time to admit
that he's maybe too young
or you're maybe too...
Bup, bup, bup, bup! I cannot
hear the end of that sentence.
Yeah, when you get old,
your hearing goes, too.
Well, would a person who is old
be going to meet her boyfriend
to play laser tag?
Oh my life.
So, you see, kids,
our detective agency
specializes in cases of...
infidelity.
This woman here is the best
honey trap in the business.
- Bob.
- Hmm?
Grandma?
What's a honey trap?
Uh...
Wilbur, let me explain.
Say you're a man,
and you have a cookie.
And you've had that cookie
for a while.
And it's just not making
your mouth water anymore.
It's become dried up
and... unappetizing.
That doesn't happen
to all cookies.
Some retain
their gooey freshness.
Oh, yes, they do.
Anyway, kids, you go
looking for a new cookie,
your old cookie may get upset...
and hire us.
And the original cookie might
get a new car in the divorce.
That's right, Mrs. Johnson.
It's Miss O'Roarke now.
Are you two married?
Well, that's
an interesting question.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, uh, we're colleagues.
I'm Wilbur's grandmother,
and Bob is Wilbur's...
Bob.
It's true.
I am his Bob.
Okay, boys and girls.
Time to retrieve your lunches.
Thank you for coming in today,
Mr. Moore and Ms. Scroggs.
- Here we go.
- Ah, thank you.
You guys make the cutest family.
Oh, we're not a family.
I mean, Wilbur and I
are related, but Bob is my boss.
Yes.
Like Colin Firth
and his Portuguese housekeeper
in "Love Actually."
Or Hugh Grant and his assistant,
also in "Love Actually."
A lot of people end up falling
in love with their bosses.
That was the message
of that movie.
So, Wilbur, I saw a big kid
step on your lunch.
That's Aiden.
He does it every day.
I didn't see that.
Wilbur, why didn't you tell me?
'Cause big boys don't like
to be tattletales,
do they, Wilbur?
Yeah.
Sometimes he pushes me down.
You know, if I taught you
a little karate,
you could fight back
if you had to.
Or you could talk to Aiden
and tell him
you don't like being pushed
because fighting
doesn't solve things.
Hey, cutie.
You want to see the machine
that made your milkshake?
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
Bob.
You know what?
I'm gonna talk to Melanie.
She did conflict resolution
at her kids' school in L.A.
She'll know what to do.
Bullies don't speak
conflict resolution.
You've got to talk to them
in the only language
they understand... force.
This may surprise you,
but I once knew someone
- who was bullied.
- It's you.
Yes, but that was gonna be
the twist ending.
I would like to thank
Aiden's parents, Pete and Kim,
for joining us.
In conflict resolution,
we call this the talking stick.
The person holding it
can share their feelings
without any fear of judgment.
I'm confused.
If that's the talking stick,
what do we call Joy?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I-I was up until 4:00 a.m.
You see, I'm dating this guy
who's 20 years younger
than I am.
20 years younger.
Really?
Yeah, he's 60.
Elka.
I've got the stick.
I can say what I want.
That's not how the stick works.
Pete, would you like
to start off?
Sure.
This whole thing feels like
a lot of L.A. nonsense.
This is just a simple case
of boys being boys.
Young men have a lot of energy.
Huh, that's for damn sure.
If you ask me, your son
needs to learn right from wrong.
Oh.
Look who's preaching morality.
Aiden told us that you trap men
into doing things
by giving them cookies...
With your legs.
Give me that stick.
I can explain.
First off...
yes, Joy has amazing legs.
Long and shapely,
and one can only imagine
what they'd feel like wrapped
around one's shoulders.
Bob!
Sorry.
What was the question?
Why does everyone
want boys to act
like well-behaved little girls?
Pete's right.
I have a purse full of pills
the pediatrician
wants me to give Aiden.
But I'm not gonna give my kid
Adderall.
Adderall, you say?
Isn't that what college kids
take to stay up all night?
This is a waste of time.
I say we just let the kids
work it out for themselves.
Oh, so you plan to do nothing?
You're happy
to just let your evil spawn
continue to bully my grandson?
Let's go, Pete.
Oh, that's great.
Just walk away.
Just know that if your
little thug lays another hand
on my sweet grandchild...
- Control your wife, Bob.
- We're not a couple.
I'm not his wife.
Not yet.
What are you doing?
How is that helpful?
Oh, Joy, calm down.
Oh... my... God.
Did you just ask a woman
to calm down?
I don't remember.
I-I don't think so.
Look, I think
we should go back to my plan
of Wilbur defending himself.
I already told you...
I don't want that.
Look, we should just sit down
together and talk through this.
But we're not together.
We're not a couple.
I can't make it any more clear.
There is no "we," Bob.
And there never will be.
Okay.
But that doesn't stop me
from caring about Wilbur.
That's sweet.
When it comes to us,
you have got to move on.
I hear you.
Maybe I ought to head up
to Canada for a couple of days.
Take some walks in the woods.
Tap a few trees.
Mmm.
I am much better at Kahlúa
than I am at Words with Friends.
And the great thing about our
Kahlúa is, I don't feel drunk,
because we put
extra coffee in it.
And I don't feel wired because
we put extra vodka in it.
Oh, poor Wilbur, being bullied.
You know, I had a bully
when I was a kid.
Kaylin Boosalis.
I had a bully, too.
Adolf Hitler.
You know, I am two Kahlúas away
from calling that jerk
and giving her
a piece of my mind.
In gym class, she used to steal
the basketball away from me
and bounce it off my head.
It was the worst.
Did you not hear me say
my bully was Hitler?
Hey!
You're still up.
Victoria, are you just getting
back from your date with Barney?
It was great.
We went to see a band.
And then we danced,
and then we walked home
instead of taking a cab.
Where did all this energy
come from?
Oh, Barney makes me feel young.
I'm exercising now, so I have
my own natural reserves.
Plus, I stole Adderall
out of that bully mom's purse.
What?
You stole her pills?
Honey, that's not
what they're for.
Elka, can you believe this?
All I got was a Starbucks card
from the dad's coat.
Why are you guys stealing
from our guests?
Because they didn't bring
a hostess gift.
Victoria,
you should not need pills
to keep up with your boyfriend.
He should love you
for who you are.
Oh, grow up, Melanie.
Nobody loves anybody
for who they are.
These pills are the only thing
keeping me going.
But I've only got one left,
and I need it to get upstairs.
What am I gonna do?
I need to get more Adderall
so that I can make it
through Barney's birthday party.
See, he's the first one
in our group turning 30,
so it's a big one.
Oh, Joy, honey, I'm sorry.
Did we get you up?
No. I couldn't sleep.
Just feeling anxious.
About Wilbur?
No, I'm gonna talk
to his teacher tomorrow.
Honey, why do you keep
checking your phone?
Well, Bob usually texts me
at night.
He lays out
three pairs of pajamas,
and I pick the ones I like.
I mean, I'm glad he stopped.
It's just weird
not to get the text.
It's a little weird either way.
Just admit it... You miss Bob.
It's not that.
I'm just used to him.
But I don't want
to think about Bob.
I should be concentrating
on Wilbur.
You know what might be helpful?
Getting a prescription
for Wilbur for Adderall.
What?
I wouldn't give him Adderall.
Oh, and I wouldn't want you to.
And the bully is Aiden.
I'm not surprised.
That kid's a soul patch away
from getting expelled.
So, what do we do?
The school has a whole process.
Witness reports, evaluations.
I got to tell you...
It could take weeks.
- Weeks?
- I'll go get the forms.
Wilbur?
Did you throw that snowball?
You're not supposed to let
people know your strength.
What?
When you lose your temper,
you can really hurt people.
Now, I want you to promise
never to do it again.
And shake on it.
Aah!
Too hard.
You know the doctor said
those gamma rays
made you super-strong.
Is Wilbur the Hulk?
I'm not allowed to say.
But yes.
Just don't make him angry.
Don't make him angry.
Oh.
All right.
Enough of that.
You go play.
Thank you guys for coming
to my birthday.
And thank you, Victoria,
for making this happen.
Being with you
makes me so happy.
And being with you
makes me so...
tired.
You passed out
in the birthday cake?
Oh, it was awful.
Just as I was thinking, "This is
one of the worst moments
of my life,"
the waitress asked me
if I'd be paying
for my son's birthday party.
Oh, I'm sorry...
I wasn't there.
- So you broke up with Barney?
- Yeah.
I mean, dating a younger guy
is like driving a convertible.
It's fun at first, but then
you realize your hair is a mess,
you're sunburnt, and everyone
assumes you rented it anyway.
Hey, Joy.
Where you been?
Out driving around.
Trying to sort through
some feelings.
I saw it.
I saw the aura.
I think I'm in love with Bob.
What changed things?
He clobbered a 7-year-old with
a snowball to protect Wilbur.
It was the most romantic thing
anyone's ever done for me.
- Is the kid hurt?
- Who cares?
I'm in love.
And I'm finally seeing
what everyone else
was already seeing...
We're a couple.
I used to think,
"He's not Simon. He's not Mitch.
He's Bob."
But now I think,
"He's not Simon. He's not Mitch.
He's Bob."
- Aww!
- Aww!
She is so gonna say "aww"
when she wakes up.
Oh, Bob.
I'm so glad you're here.
Joy, this is a surprise.
There's so much
I need to tell you.
I was at the school today, and
I saw what you did for Wilbur.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
I know you told me to butt out,
but it's just...
he was on my mind the whole time
I was in Canada...
No, no.
No, I loved it.
And I'm sorry about
what I said the other night.
Joy, you never need
to apologize to me for anything.
Sure, I cried
a few manly tears at first,
but... then in
the bracing Saskatchewan cold,
who should I run into
but my old girlfriend?
Canadian Joy.
She...
Oh.
Sorry to interrupt.
No, not at all.
You two should meet.
Joy, Joy.
Joy, Joy.
- Joy.
- Joy.
Hey, babe, I couldn't get
the vending machine to work.
Ah, that machine
is temperamental.
That's why I treat it
like a woman...
Just keep putting money into it
till it gives me what I want.
- He's funny.
- Cut the crap, Cleveland Joy.
I know you want him,
but he's mine.
You make one move on him,
and I'll chop you up
and feed you to my sled dogs.
Damn, my hand is stuck!
Be right there, Bob.
Isn't he cutest?
Say yes, and I'll kill you.
Well, that's the last
of the Kahlúa.
Should we make some more?
Oh, I don't know.
I drunk dialed my old bully
last night
and left
a long and rambling message.
Oh, I wouldn't worry about it.
Maybe she didn't get it.
Hey, Melanie.
Are you in there?
It's her.
It's my bully.
I guess she got it.
Melanie.
Hi.
Hi, Kaylin.
What a surprise.
Well, I got your message,
and so I asked my pilot
to stop here
on my way to New York.
Your pilot?
What, you have a plane?
Well, two.
I am uber successful...
because I created Uber.
This is for you.
You're not gonna hit me with it,
are you?
Of course not.
Think fast!
Oh, God!
Oh, nobody ever flinched
like you, Moretti.
It's a gift for you signed
by the basketball team I own.
Oh, well, okay, so
it's an apology gift
for the way you treated me.
No.
It's more like a thank-you.
You taught me how great it feels
to intimidate
even the most likable person.
You're the reason
I'm so successful.
Now give me a hug.
Oh, no. No, I'm not...
Not gonna hug you.
- I said a hug.
- Okay.
Wow.
You got boobs.
Never thought
that was gonna happen.
Well...
guess I got my apology.
Is that what happened?
Yeah, that's how I choose
to look at it.
I choose to see the glass
as half full.
Not for long.
♪ Hey! ♪
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪
♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪
♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
♪ Hey! ♪