Hot in Cleveland (2010–2015): Season 2, Episode 6 - I Love Lucci: Part Two - full transcript
Susan Lucci continues to torment Victoria. Joy learns she's been duped and plots revenge. Elke drags Melanie from one bad scene to another in her quest for Robert Redford.
Previously on Hot in Cleveland...
But this is
my first trip to L.A.,
and this is Robert Redford's
favorite restaurant.
Please!
You seriously expect me to
believe you have an evil twin?
A dim figure hovers above you.
You wake up horrified and realize...
I have to go.
Maybe we can talk some more later?
You can count on it.
Oh, Elka, I think I blew the sale!
Who cares?
I found out where Robert Redford is.
Hide me.
I think I killed Susan Lucci.
I'm scared.
We shouldn't be doing this.
Stop whining, there's
nothing to be afraid of.
Hey, dead guy.
Is this the Robert Redford movie?
I wish, lady.
Try Stage 19.
Oh, excuse us, so sorry,
but I love these crime show dramas.
Hey, check out my David Caruso.
It looks like these crashers...
have wrecked the scene.
Oh, wait, wait. I got another
one, I got another one.
Let me see...
it looks like this set...
has met its match.
What is wrong with you?
It's The Who.
It's the theme song
to CSI Miami.
Sorry about my friend.
She's...
Lost her mind.
Morning, Ms. Lucci.
How are you feeling?
Oh, much better, thank you.
Oh, the newspapers
are filled with stories
about that crazy Victoria
Chase attacking you.
And the tabloids
are claiming you're dead.
Well, if I am, I'm in heaven.
They used that hideous old
photo of Victoria's thighs
in a bathing suit.
Cottage cheese?
Large curd.
Oh, thank you, no.
I'm too happy to eat.
Oh, Ms. Chase has been
waiting outside all morning
to see you.
She's very upset about the accident.
You didn't tell her
I was all right, did you?
Oh, no, no!
We told her the same thing
we told the press:
"We're not releasing any information
"about Ms. Lucci's condition
at this time."
Good. All right, then.
Please, send her in.
But first, just for fun...
Let's pretend I'm in a coma.
A coma?
Yes, Victoria and I just
adore playing little tricks
on each other.
I sent her birth certificate
to Wikileaks...
and she heckled my speech during
the Tourette's benefit...
luckily, nobody noticed.
Trust me, she'll love it.
This is so exciting!
No one does a coma better than you!
You're sweet.
This is horrible.
They don't mention
my new boyfriend
Michael Knight at all.
Just "fellow cast members
are praying for a miracle."
Can we please focus
on the real tragedy here?
This pattern on my thighs
is not cellulite!
Clearly I'd just gotten up
from a wicker chair.
Shouldn't you be a little
more concerned about Susan?
Oh, she's just faking for attention.
I mean, if she were really hurt,
there'd be a million cameras
outside the hospital...
which I dressed for.
My new boyfriend Michael Knight,
was so grief-stricken
last night about Susan,
he asked me to leave
right after we had sex.
He didn't want me to see him cry.
So sensitive!
And he's much better in bed
than his brother was.
Although when they say
"identical twins,"
trust me, they're not kidding.
Ms. Chase?
Yes, nurse, is there any news?
Or any news crews?
I'm afraid Ms. Lucci's
still in a coma.
A coma?
Yay!
Oh, no, not "yay!"
About Susan, obviously that's tragic.
My new boyfriend
Michael Knight just texted
that he wants to take me
to dinner in Malibu
in his brand new Ferrari!
Which of course
doesn't make this moment
any less poignant.
A coma?
Really?
Oh, my God!
We're having Sushi at Nobu!
Could I possibly see her?
Okay, but just for a moment.
Right.
FYI, your new boyfriend Michael Knight
slept with my best friend,
made her all these promises,
and never called.
What?
Oh, no, wait!
Is she sure it was Michael?
Because his twin brother Alex
pulled exactly the same trick
on me once.
His twin brother Alex?
Seriously?
Oh, you don't watch the show, do you?
Oh, not every day.
Why?
Michael's character
had an evil twin brother Alex
who impersonated him.
What?
Susan...
I know you can't speak,
but I pray you can hear me.
Seeing you in this miserable state,
I can't help it...
oh, what am I doing?
Am I really so shallow
that I can only quote words
written by people
not pretty enough
to be in front of the camera?
All right, the truth is,
seeing you here
in this heartbreaking, yet,
oddly well-groomed,
state...
I'm honestly sorry for...
well, for so many things.
For the venomous digs and
the backhanded compliments.
For resenting your successes
and reveling in your defeats.
For rubbing that strawberry
on your prop kleenex
so that your perfect little face
would blow up like a beach ball...
oh God, I have been such a fool.
Why did we always let petty jealousy
blind us to what was really important?
I mean, if the heavens can hold
a thousand brilliant stars,
then surely there's room enough
for both of our lights to shine.
If I had known that sooner,
then perhaps I wouldn't have
made an enemy of someone
who might otherwise have been
a dear, dear friend.
Oh, thank God.
The couple made up.
My house sale's back on.
This is a really big studio.
How in the world are we ever
going to find Robert Redford?
Let's ask this Hollywood fairy.
Elka!
I'm sorry,
she's from a different era.
I'm not talking about him!
I'm talking about her.
Have you seen Robert Redford?
We heard he was doing his movie here.
See that line of extras
over there getting wardrobe?
That's for his movie.
That's it!
We could be extras!
No.
Absolutely not.
There are rules, there are unions.
You can't just walk onto a movie set.
Oh, you're probably right.
I just thought, after my trial,
when I'm in that cold, dark cell...
You are not
going to guilt me into this.
My spirits would soar
on the wings of a memory.
- Stop it!
- The memory of meeting,
and getting the tiniest bit
handsy with Robert...
oh, fine, all right.
All right. We can
catch a ride with this fruit.
Oh, wait a minute.
When I turn around,
I better see a man
dressed like a banana.
Close enough.
Oh, no.
They're blocking the path
to my dressing room
like angry villagers.
The director's smiling
and waving you over.
Of course he is.
This is Hollywood.
You know, two air kisses
before they stab you in the back
and gloat over your carcass.
Speaking of bloody
carcasses, I believe I owe
my new ex-boyfriend
Michael Knight a visit.
Hmm, I wonder if this works
on more than just bagels?
Victoria, a word.
Listen, before you say anything...
we want you to do
your original speech.
- Pardon?
- The hospital called.
Susan's fine, but she just
needs some time to recuperate.
Could you repeat
that first part, again?
Susan is fine.
No, no, no, the part about my speech.
Am I really getting it back?
Yes.
We want you to deliver it
to a photograph of Susan.
Now, of course,
if you're not comfortable
doing the scene without her,
- we ca...
- Oh! no, no, no...
as much as it pains me to perform
the entire scene alone...
no head bandages, right?
Right.
To do the whole scene entirely alone,
I know that if Susan
were standing here,
she'd be looking way,
way up at the rest of us,
saying, "oh, Victoria,
please, do this for me."
Tissue!
Water!
Sandwich.
That's how Susan keeps warm
between takes.
And... action.
Oh, Erica.
I know you can't hear me,
but wherever you are,
I pray that you know that I know,
that you wish you had
been there to warn me
that Liza had sabotaged that stairway.
Thank you, thank you,
but I was merely
taking a dramatic pause.
Please hold your applause
until I have completed...
The scene.
I believe they were clapping for me.
Oh, hell.
Susan!
This is amazing.
We thought you were
taking some time off.
And let poor Victoria stumble
through the scene all alone?
What kind of a friend
and younger mentor would I be?
But surely after your long coma,
you could use a little rest.
On the contrary.
In spite of my alleged
"accident," I feel fine.
So, should we shoot the scene
the way we rehearsed it?
Oh, what a trooper!
What do you say, Victoria?
Hmm?
I'm speechless.
You are now.
Where exactly does it say
"Ferrari" on the jacket?
Uh?
Front and back?
I'll take it.
Oh, I've got to go.
And... ciao!
Come in.
Hello, Michael.
Hello, gorgeous.
Listen. I... I've got
a love scene coming up.
Want to help me rehearse?
I would, but something
awful's just happened.
I know.
Lucci is back.
But, face it,
there's no show without her.
It's not that.
Just now,
when I was in the parking lot,
admiring your brand new Ferrari...
I ran into Alex!
What?
Your evil twin.
And when I told him
you and I were together,
he flew into a jealous rage,
and started attacking your
gorgeous new car with a crowbar.
What are you talking about?
Oh, it was horrible.
He shattered the windshield,
he slashed the tires,
he even ripped that cute little
prancing horse off the hood.
I don't have an evil twin!
And now, you don't have
a Ferrari, either.
Why did we always let petty jealousy
blind us to what's really important?
If the heavens can hold
a thousand brilliant stars,
surely there's room enough
for both our lights to shine.
If only I had realized this sooner,
perhaps I wouldn't have made
an enemy out of someone
who might otherwise have been
a dear, dear friend.
Susan, that was fantastic.
Those last lines... they
weren't even in the script!
I know.
I was just lying
in my hospital bed today,
they just came to me.
"Lying" all right.
Writing and acting,
is there anything
this one cannot do, hmm?
To be honest,
I owe it all to Victoria.
Well, thank you, Susan.
Her portrayal of a lifeless vegetable
was just so convincing that
it made my job effortless.
Oh, Robert.
I can't believe
you feel the same way too.
Really?
You honestly think Robert Redford's
going to look across
this imaginary ocean
and ask you to marry him?
He's been doing it
in my head for 30 years.
Elka!
The servants should be seen
and not heard.
Okay, remember, we are going to CGI-in
the storm and the ocean.
But we need you to pretend
to be freezing,
and you are desperate
to be rescued, all right?
Okay, we're ready to shoot!
Oh, but Robert Redford isn't here yet.
Lady, this is second unit.
What does that mean?
It means there are no stars
in this scene.
So this has just been
a big old waste of time.
And these things are really
itchy, I can't stand it.
Maybe we should just go.
No, he'll see me in editing.
And he'll say,
"who is that beautiful extra?"
And he'll track me down...
that's ridiculous,
I'm starting to get hives.
Can we just please go?
Oh, all right!
Maybe I'll get a solitary cell.
Less likely to get shanked.
Fine.
Hey, you know what?
On the bright side,
I get to be in a Robert
Redford movie, right?
And action!
Cue the waves.
Waves?
Remember, it's freezing.
You're terrified.
Oh, here comes another one.
What?
Now, over your shoulder...
oh, God, here comes
the biggest one yet.
Noooo!
I can't get the water out of my...
oh, there we go.
Maybe I'm just not meant for romance.
Maybe I'm missing a chip or something.
Oh, sweetie, it's not your fault.
I mean, it could have
happened to anybody.
A one-night stand
with the same man twice?
How could I be so stupid?
Well, to be fair,
he is a professional actor,
and he had you convinced
that he was his own evil twin.
- Oh, my God!
- I know, I know.
How many times have we
sat around this table
hashing over your bad boyfriends?
Eric, the bigamist...
Donald with the ant farm...
Pre-op Andy...
who turned into awkward
first-date Andrea...
I need coffee.
I had Lucci nightmes all night.
I can still feel
that little muppet hand
on my mouth.
Well, Joy has good news for you.
I called All My Children
and threatened
a sexual harassment suit
against a certain actor
unless they kill the hospital scene
and wrote you a new part.
They're flying you out again
next week.
Oh, Joy, thank you!
That you would do something
so conniving for me...
well, you're a true friend.
So, what kind of part is it?
One with hair.
And they promised me
it would be juicy.
Oh, well.
If it's half as juicy
as the strawberry I squeezed
into Susan's moisturizer
before I left...
I'm going to be thrilled.
Mel, honey, is there something wrong?
She's still upset
about selling her furniture.
No, no, I've resigned myself
to the furniture.
I just...
now I'm just sorry I sold the house.
Aw, sweetie, it's going to be okay.
It's a good thing.
It's what you wanted.
I know, but when I look out
these windows,
I can still see my kids
playing in the yard.
No other windows can do that for me.
And this door jamb,
this is where I measured
the kids' height.
Look, this is how tall Jenna was
when we made Christmas cookies
for the very first time
and she dropped the bowl.
Right there...
See? There's this little crack
in the...
how am I going to say goodbye
to that crack?
I don't know,
but you better make it quick,
our flight's at noon.
No, no, our flight's
not till 5:00.
Oh, I got a tweet from Kemil.
Robert Redford's leaving
for Salt Lake City,
and I re-booked us
on his flight.
You're going to Kansas?
Utah.
I defy anyone to tell me
the difference.
It's just a
five-hour layover.
Oh, please.
Oh, spare us the dimples.
You have no power over us, old woman.
Oh, I don't care anymore.
I'm so miserable
I just want to go home.
Oh, my gosh!
I just said I want to go home.
Yes, honey, we were here.
No! When I said "home,"
I meant Cleveland.
I know, it's weird, isn't it?
I've been thinking of
Cleveland as home too.
Me too.
Only, I wish we could
get there nonstop.
We are at least flying first class?
One of us is.
I don't know.
You know, I'm single now,
the kids are grown,
and a house really isn't a
home without people in it.
Wherever you guys are...
that's home to me.
Good, then shake a leg.
You know how long security takes,
and I always get profiled.
You guys go ahead.
I just need to do one thing.
Now it's home.
But this is
my first trip to L.A.,
and this is Robert Redford's
favorite restaurant.
Please!
You seriously expect me to
believe you have an evil twin?
A dim figure hovers above you.
You wake up horrified and realize...
I have to go.
Maybe we can talk some more later?
You can count on it.
Oh, Elka, I think I blew the sale!
Who cares?
I found out where Robert Redford is.
Hide me.
I think I killed Susan Lucci.
I'm scared.
We shouldn't be doing this.
Stop whining, there's
nothing to be afraid of.
Hey, dead guy.
Is this the Robert Redford movie?
I wish, lady.
Try Stage 19.
Oh, excuse us, so sorry,
but I love these crime show dramas.
Hey, check out my David Caruso.
It looks like these crashers...
have wrecked the scene.
Oh, wait, wait. I got another
one, I got another one.
Let me see...
it looks like this set...
has met its match.
What is wrong with you?
It's The Who.
It's the theme song
to CSI Miami.
Sorry about my friend.
She's...
Lost her mind.
Morning, Ms. Lucci.
How are you feeling?
Oh, much better, thank you.
Oh, the newspapers
are filled with stories
about that crazy Victoria
Chase attacking you.
And the tabloids
are claiming you're dead.
Well, if I am, I'm in heaven.
They used that hideous old
photo of Victoria's thighs
in a bathing suit.
Cottage cheese?
Large curd.
Oh, thank you, no.
I'm too happy to eat.
Oh, Ms. Chase has been
waiting outside all morning
to see you.
She's very upset about the accident.
You didn't tell her
I was all right, did you?
Oh, no, no!
We told her the same thing
we told the press:
"We're not releasing any information
"about Ms. Lucci's condition
at this time."
Good. All right, then.
Please, send her in.
But first, just for fun...
Let's pretend I'm in a coma.
A coma?
Yes, Victoria and I just
adore playing little tricks
on each other.
I sent her birth certificate
to Wikileaks...
and she heckled my speech during
the Tourette's benefit...
luckily, nobody noticed.
Trust me, she'll love it.
This is so exciting!
No one does a coma better than you!
You're sweet.
This is horrible.
They don't mention
my new boyfriend
Michael Knight at all.
Just "fellow cast members
are praying for a miracle."
Can we please focus
on the real tragedy here?
This pattern on my thighs
is not cellulite!
Clearly I'd just gotten up
from a wicker chair.
Shouldn't you be a little
more concerned about Susan?
Oh, she's just faking for attention.
I mean, if she were really hurt,
there'd be a million cameras
outside the hospital...
which I dressed for.
My new boyfriend Michael Knight,
was so grief-stricken
last night about Susan,
he asked me to leave
right after we had sex.
He didn't want me to see him cry.
So sensitive!
And he's much better in bed
than his brother was.
Although when they say
"identical twins,"
trust me, they're not kidding.
Ms. Chase?
Yes, nurse, is there any news?
Or any news crews?
I'm afraid Ms. Lucci's
still in a coma.
A coma?
Yay!
Oh, no, not "yay!"
About Susan, obviously that's tragic.
My new boyfriend
Michael Knight just texted
that he wants to take me
to dinner in Malibu
in his brand new Ferrari!
Which of course
doesn't make this moment
any less poignant.
A coma?
Really?
Oh, my God!
We're having Sushi at Nobu!
Could I possibly see her?
Okay, but just for a moment.
Right.
FYI, your new boyfriend Michael Knight
slept with my best friend,
made her all these promises,
and never called.
What?
Oh, no, wait!
Is she sure it was Michael?
Because his twin brother Alex
pulled exactly the same trick
on me once.
His twin brother Alex?
Seriously?
Oh, you don't watch the show, do you?
Oh, not every day.
Why?
Michael's character
had an evil twin brother Alex
who impersonated him.
What?
Susan...
I know you can't speak,
but I pray you can hear me.
Seeing you in this miserable state,
I can't help it...
oh, what am I doing?
Am I really so shallow
that I can only quote words
written by people
not pretty enough
to be in front of the camera?
All right, the truth is,
seeing you here
in this heartbreaking, yet,
oddly well-groomed,
state...
I'm honestly sorry for...
well, for so many things.
For the venomous digs and
the backhanded compliments.
For resenting your successes
and reveling in your defeats.
For rubbing that strawberry
on your prop kleenex
so that your perfect little face
would blow up like a beach ball...
oh God, I have been such a fool.
Why did we always let petty jealousy
blind us to what was really important?
I mean, if the heavens can hold
a thousand brilliant stars,
then surely there's room enough
for both of our lights to shine.
If I had known that sooner,
then perhaps I wouldn't have
made an enemy of someone
who might otherwise have been
a dear, dear friend.
Oh, thank God.
The couple made up.
My house sale's back on.
This is a really big studio.
How in the world are we ever
going to find Robert Redford?
Let's ask this Hollywood fairy.
Elka!
I'm sorry,
she's from a different era.
I'm not talking about him!
I'm talking about her.
Have you seen Robert Redford?
We heard he was doing his movie here.
See that line of extras
over there getting wardrobe?
That's for his movie.
That's it!
We could be extras!
No.
Absolutely not.
There are rules, there are unions.
You can't just walk onto a movie set.
Oh, you're probably right.
I just thought, after my trial,
when I'm in that cold, dark cell...
You are not
going to guilt me into this.
My spirits would soar
on the wings of a memory.
- Stop it!
- The memory of meeting,
and getting the tiniest bit
handsy with Robert...
oh, fine, all right.
All right. We can
catch a ride with this fruit.
Oh, wait a minute.
When I turn around,
I better see a man
dressed like a banana.
Close enough.
Oh, no.
They're blocking the path
to my dressing room
like angry villagers.
The director's smiling
and waving you over.
Of course he is.
This is Hollywood.
You know, two air kisses
before they stab you in the back
and gloat over your carcass.
Speaking of bloody
carcasses, I believe I owe
my new ex-boyfriend
Michael Knight a visit.
Hmm, I wonder if this works
on more than just bagels?
Victoria, a word.
Listen, before you say anything...
we want you to do
your original speech.
- Pardon?
- The hospital called.
Susan's fine, but she just
needs some time to recuperate.
Could you repeat
that first part, again?
Susan is fine.
No, no, no, the part about my speech.
Am I really getting it back?
Yes.
We want you to deliver it
to a photograph of Susan.
Now, of course,
if you're not comfortable
doing the scene without her,
- we ca...
- Oh! no, no, no...
as much as it pains me to perform
the entire scene alone...
no head bandages, right?
Right.
To do the whole scene entirely alone,
I know that if Susan
were standing here,
she'd be looking way,
way up at the rest of us,
saying, "oh, Victoria,
please, do this for me."
Tissue!
Water!
Sandwich.
That's how Susan keeps warm
between takes.
And... action.
Oh, Erica.
I know you can't hear me,
but wherever you are,
I pray that you know that I know,
that you wish you had
been there to warn me
that Liza had sabotaged that stairway.
Thank you, thank you,
but I was merely
taking a dramatic pause.
Please hold your applause
until I have completed...
The scene.
I believe they were clapping for me.
Oh, hell.
Susan!
This is amazing.
We thought you were
taking some time off.
And let poor Victoria stumble
through the scene all alone?
What kind of a friend
and younger mentor would I be?
But surely after your long coma,
you could use a little rest.
On the contrary.
In spite of my alleged
"accident," I feel fine.
So, should we shoot the scene
the way we rehearsed it?
Oh, what a trooper!
What do you say, Victoria?
Hmm?
I'm speechless.
You are now.
Where exactly does it say
"Ferrari" on the jacket?
Uh?
Front and back?
I'll take it.
Oh, I've got to go.
And... ciao!
Come in.
Hello, Michael.
Hello, gorgeous.
Listen. I... I've got
a love scene coming up.
Want to help me rehearse?
I would, but something
awful's just happened.
I know.
Lucci is back.
But, face it,
there's no show without her.
It's not that.
Just now,
when I was in the parking lot,
admiring your brand new Ferrari...
I ran into Alex!
What?
Your evil twin.
And when I told him
you and I were together,
he flew into a jealous rage,
and started attacking your
gorgeous new car with a crowbar.
What are you talking about?
Oh, it was horrible.
He shattered the windshield,
he slashed the tires,
he even ripped that cute little
prancing horse off the hood.
I don't have an evil twin!
And now, you don't have
a Ferrari, either.
Why did we always let petty jealousy
blind us to what's really important?
If the heavens can hold
a thousand brilliant stars,
surely there's room enough
for both our lights to shine.
If only I had realized this sooner,
perhaps I wouldn't have made
an enemy out of someone
who might otherwise have been
a dear, dear friend.
Susan, that was fantastic.
Those last lines... they
weren't even in the script!
I know.
I was just lying
in my hospital bed today,
they just came to me.
"Lying" all right.
Writing and acting,
is there anything
this one cannot do, hmm?
To be honest,
I owe it all to Victoria.
Well, thank you, Susan.
Her portrayal of a lifeless vegetable
was just so convincing that
it made my job effortless.
Oh, Robert.
I can't believe
you feel the same way too.
Really?
You honestly think Robert Redford's
going to look across
this imaginary ocean
and ask you to marry him?
He's been doing it
in my head for 30 years.
Elka!
The servants should be seen
and not heard.
Okay, remember, we are going to CGI-in
the storm and the ocean.
But we need you to pretend
to be freezing,
and you are desperate
to be rescued, all right?
Okay, we're ready to shoot!
Oh, but Robert Redford isn't here yet.
Lady, this is second unit.
What does that mean?
It means there are no stars
in this scene.
So this has just been
a big old waste of time.
And these things are really
itchy, I can't stand it.
Maybe we should just go.
No, he'll see me in editing.
And he'll say,
"who is that beautiful extra?"
And he'll track me down...
that's ridiculous,
I'm starting to get hives.
Can we just please go?
Oh, all right!
Maybe I'll get a solitary cell.
Less likely to get shanked.
Fine.
Hey, you know what?
On the bright side,
I get to be in a Robert
Redford movie, right?
And action!
Cue the waves.
Waves?
Remember, it's freezing.
You're terrified.
Oh, here comes another one.
What?
Now, over your shoulder...
oh, God, here comes
the biggest one yet.
Noooo!
I can't get the water out of my...
oh, there we go.
Maybe I'm just not meant for romance.
Maybe I'm missing a chip or something.
Oh, sweetie, it's not your fault.
I mean, it could have
happened to anybody.
A one-night stand
with the same man twice?
How could I be so stupid?
Well, to be fair,
he is a professional actor,
and he had you convinced
that he was his own evil twin.
- Oh, my God!
- I know, I know.
How many times have we
sat around this table
hashing over your bad boyfriends?
Eric, the bigamist...
Donald with the ant farm...
Pre-op Andy...
who turned into awkward
first-date Andrea...
I need coffee.
I had Lucci nightmes all night.
I can still feel
that little muppet hand
on my mouth.
Well, Joy has good news for you.
I called All My Children
and threatened
a sexual harassment suit
against a certain actor
unless they kill the hospital scene
and wrote you a new part.
They're flying you out again
next week.
Oh, Joy, thank you!
That you would do something
so conniving for me...
well, you're a true friend.
So, what kind of part is it?
One with hair.
And they promised me
it would be juicy.
Oh, well.
If it's half as juicy
as the strawberry I squeezed
into Susan's moisturizer
before I left...
I'm going to be thrilled.
Mel, honey, is there something wrong?
She's still upset
about selling her furniture.
No, no, I've resigned myself
to the furniture.
I just...
now I'm just sorry I sold the house.
Aw, sweetie, it's going to be okay.
It's a good thing.
It's what you wanted.
I know, but when I look out
these windows,
I can still see my kids
playing in the yard.
No other windows can do that for me.
And this door jamb,
this is where I measured
the kids' height.
Look, this is how tall Jenna was
when we made Christmas cookies
for the very first time
and she dropped the bowl.
Right there...
See? There's this little crack
in the...
how am I going to say goodbye
to that crack?
I don't know,
but you better make it quick,
our flight's at noon.
No, no, our flight's
not till 5:00.
Oh, I got a tweet from Kemil.
Robert Redford's leaving
for Salt Lake City,
and I re-booked us
on his flight.
You're going to Kansas?
Utah.
I defy anyone to tell me
the difference.
It's just a
five-hour layover.
Oh, please.
Oh, spare us the dimples.
You have no power over us, old woman.
Oh, I don't care anymore.
I'm so miserable
I just want to go home.
Oh, my gosh!
I just said I want to go home.
Yes, honey, we were here.
No! When I said "home,"
I meant Cleveland.
I know, it's weird, isn't it?
I've been thinking of
Cleveland as home too.
Me too.
Only, I wish we could
get there nonstop.
We are at least flying first class?
One of us is.
I don't know.
You know, I'm single now,
the kids are grown,
and a house really isn't a
home without people in it.
Wherever you guys are...
that's home to me.
Good, then shake a leg.
You know how long security takes,
and I always get profiled.
You guys go ahead.
I just need to do one thing.
Now it's home.