Horace and Pete (2016): Season 1, Episode 9 - Episode #1.9 - full transcript

Okay, so you worked at, I'm sorry,
what is it?

Black & Tan.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

In the East Village.
Mostly NYU students.

- And how was that, working there?

- I hated it.

Underage drinkers.

Lots of puking,
passing out.

- You didn't card the students?

Well,
the owner told us not to.

The place was packed every night.



So, uh,
why'd you leave there?

- I didn't leave.

They got shut down after some girl died
in the place.

Uh, okay, so where'd
you bartend before that?

- In Catskill, the Horseshoe Bar.

- That upstate?
- Yeah.

It's the only place for miles
that isn't a gay bar,

so pretty much every night,
it was jammed to the rafters.

That was hard.

I was there two years.

Do you mind if I ask why you smile
like that?

- Just trying to be easy.

- Just trying to be easy?

- Trying to be easy.



- Okay.

Okay, uh...
The Horseshoe Bar.

Okay, before that?

- Prison.
- Oh.

Yikes, okay.

Well, I'm not gonna
pretend that's...

Um,
what were you in prison for?

- Manslaughter.
- Okay, yikes.

Wow.
That's...

That's not my favorite thing
about you.

- I was 16, I was on drugs.

I did it.

I served the time.

I'm clean
and sober.

Clean record
for 20 years.

There you have it, ma'am.

Make your choice.

Either way,
I get it.

I think maybe that smile is 'cause
you're nervous, maybe?

- Yeah.

I get nervous
for every job interview,

'cause I know at some point
I have to drop that news.

Takes me like 50 interviews
to get a job.

It's what I live with.
It's my fault.

But I would like to know,
you know, your inclination,

so I can move on if I have to.

Well, look, Jerold,
thank you for your honesty.

But the truth is, we're interviewing
here now

because of a little drama of our own,

and I'm not sure I want to invite more
drama into the place, you know?

- Okay, but I would argue that I'm...

I'm sort of pre-drama'd.

And I'm on lifelong parole.

I mean, most human beings have
potential to bring trouble and trauma,

but I'm a rare case
where I can't make another mistake.

I literally have my own personal
law professional.

Make sure that I'm cool
and I stay in between the lines.

Most people you get in here, you don't
know what they might do.

That...
doing anything for you?

- Yeah, I'm sorry, Jerold.

I can't...
You know, I can't get past it.

But, um, I wish you luck.

- It's okay.
- Okay.

You want to leave your number,
in case I hear of something or?

Yeah?
- Sure, yeah.

- Here.

- I don't even like it anymore.
- Yeah, well, it's work.

- Yeah, but, like, I...

I was so psyched
when I got hired.

I always wanted to work there.

I...
I screamed when I got the job, like...

like it was "American Idol"
or something.

- Yeah, but...

It's work.

- Why do you keep saying that?

- Because it's work!

My dad dreamed
of walking on the moon

and then he walked on the moon
and he got sick of it.

It's work.
- Yeah, but, like, I...

I knew that I wanted to work there
since I was 18.

I, uh, I was like,
I'm gonna get into an Ivy League school

and I'm gonna write for the school paper
and build my portfolio.

Then I'll intern at any magazine

and then I'll get the first real job
that opens up there.

And then I will take my resume
over to the New Yorker

and get hired,
and I did every step.

And, boom,
dream realized,

and two years later, I am totally...
sick of it.

Yeah, that's...
That's like my dad.

He knew he wanted to go to the moon
since he was, like, five,

and it was his total focus...

So disappointing, because, like,
if this isn't satisfying, what is?

I mean, why does
anybody want to do anything?

What am I supposed to do,
you know?

Try for my second-favorite thing
and hope that's better?

- Yeah.

That's what I'm saying.

My dad said that getting
to the moon was, like,

the most depressing thing that ever
happened to him, because now what?

You know?

Do you even know
what I'm saying, though?

Like, achieving your goals,
and you achieve them,

and then it turns out
that they're just more shit.

- Are you even listening to me?

Am I even here?

- What?

Do you give a shit
what anyone says to you?

Wh...
What is your problem?

I'm telling you this thing
about my father,

and it's totally pertaining
to your whole thing,

but you don't even register it.

Wow, you're like...
You're being hostile.

And by the way,
my father walked on the fucking moon.

- Uh, oh...

I told you that, like,
ten times, and zero reaction!

Well, what do you want me to say?
Whoop-dee-doo?

- No, but at least acknowledge it.

At least, like...

If someone tells you that their dad
walked on the moon,

you don't just say
the next thing about you.

- Oh, God...

- Just, like, "Oh, wow, really?"

Something!
- Oh, my God.

- But you're so fucking self-absorbed.
- Jesus, okay.

God.
What is your problem?

My problem is,
you're not a very nice person.

Oh.
Well, you're not a very nice person.

- You're not nice!

- You're not nice!
- You're not nice!

- Fuck you!
- Fuck you!

Fuck you, dude!

- You okay?

- Yeah.

- Was that, like, an online date?

- Yes.
- Yeah.

See, that... that shit doesn't work.

- That guy was a jerk.

- Well, how do you know that?

I mean, they just might not be
compatible, you know?

- You don't talk to a lady like that.

Oh, why?
'Cause some antiquated bullshit?

It's called equality, okay?

I heard them both yelling
at each other.

- It doesn't matter.

So she can yell at him,
but he can't yell at her?

- That's correct.

- How do you figure?
- I don't have to figure.

It's just what's right.

You don't talk to a lady
like that, ever.

- Why?

Because
ladies are pretty.

They're like angels, all of them.

- Hey, he's right, though.

Online dating
does not work.

Yeah.
That's the worst.

Yeah, well, the problem is
they match you up

based on, like, shared background and
common interests, you know,

so you're like, oh, it's great, we have
so many common interests,

and it turns out, people don't really
connect based on common interest.

- Exactly.
- And what does?

- Chemistry.
- Yep.

Yeah, the problem, these sites
all do the same thing.

It's, like, superficial bullshit
they match you up on, okay?

And then it creates, like,
an illusion of compatibility, right?

Then you just rush into a relationship
and then, duh!

Turns out
we don't like each other.

Like, when the people finally meet
each other, they hate each other.

- 'Cause opposites attract.
- Yes.

'Cause, like, how many couples
do you know, right, and they're...

They're doing so great
and one of them is like,

"Well, I never thought I would be
with somebody like this."

Or, like, "I never thought
I would date a Republican."

Whatever.

- So what do I... What do I do?

Just find somebody
with opposite interests?

- No, that doesn't work either.

Well,
what do you do, then?

I mean, how do you...
How do you find love?

- You know, you'll be in the store,

maybe you're, like, checking the price
of onions or something,

and you just look up
and there he is,

and then your eyes meet
and it just works,

'cause it's just how it works.

- Yeah, that's it.

Okay, well, how am I supposed
to make that happen?

man:
- You can't.

Not by looking for it.

That's why they call it
falling in love.

You can't fall on purpose.

See, I used to be an actor

and I took a class in falling,
trying to make it look like I fell.

Well, I was still trying and I...

I must have fallen over
about a thousand times trying to...

trying to make it look like it was
an accident and I couldn't do it.

So, um...

I... I quit being an actor.

- Well, that's not any help.

I mean, what...

What is a person supposed to do?

- Well, you just accept...

Just accept the fact that love is rare

and it probably
won't happen to you, ever.

Is that what... Is that what you do?
You just accept it?

No.
No, I...

I walk around brokenhearted.

And I get... I get drunk and...

I mean,
I hate being alone.

And...

And someday it'll kill me.

- Hey, Horace.
- Yeah?

- Where's Pete?

- What?

- Where is Pete?

I don't know,
Leo.

- You don't know?

- No, he's...

I don't know, he's been missing for,
like, a week.

- Oh.

Why is he missing?

Because
I haven't seen him.

Wait, you haven't seen him
or he's missing?

- He's missing, okay?

So why aren't you out looking
for him?

Because I don't know where to look for
him because I don't know where he is.

Of course you don't know where he is
if he's missing.

So find out, that's what I mean
by go looking for him.

Find out where he is.

- It's complicated, okay?

No, it isn't.
He's your family.

Uncle Pete is dead and now he's Pete,
and you're Horace.

Isn't that how it works?

- Look, Pete is out there somewhere,

and he's...

He's going through something,
I don't know what it is, and I...

- Thank you.

- Horace, what is...

What is in that bottle, that special
bottle of Leon's, what is in there?

- Apple juice.
- What? Why?

He likes to sit at a bar
and have a drink,

and now he's sober,
so we give him that.

- How did that get started?

- I don't remember.
- All right.

Horace, we...
We have to find a bartender.

- We gotta find Pete.
- Is that what you're going to do now?

- No, I'm gonna take a nap.
- Oh, that's terrific.

- Well, Sylvia...

Well, you want me here or
you don't want me here?

We gotta find a bartender.
I can't stay back here all day.

Okay, okay.

Horace & Pete's.

Yes, it is.

Excuse me?

- Hi.

- Horace.
- Tricia.

Hi.

You okay?
I mean, sorry.

- Pete.

Oh, Horace.

Cock and...
fucking balls in my mouth.

- Okay.

Tricia, tell me what happened, because
the police don't know what happened,

they just found you, and I don't...

He was so upset,
I wanted to help him.

He didn't know what to do about his
medication running out,

and I think he thought we would
just spend the time we had together

until the pills ran out,
and that would be it.

- "It"?
- Yeah.

I didn't think he was going
to kill himself.

- Oh, God.

- Well, Horace.

Nigger balls and ham on Sunday.

- It's Saturday, hon'.

- I am so sorry.
- It's okay.

My husband yells
worse things in his sleep.

- So what happened?

Did he do this to you?

We rented a car
and went upstate.

It was real nice.

Just the two of us.

But...

One night I woke up
and he was upset.

He was sitting up in bed.

He was...

I think it all
came crashing down on him,

because we were
so happy.

And he was thinking
about when the pills are gone.

And I had this stupid idea.

I said, "What if you stop taking them,
now, while there are still some left?

And we'll be together and I'll help you"

And we can just..."

I don't know, eat organic...

and meditate
and try to manage it.

I thought it was possible.

You know?

I don't think anyone
ever loved Pete before.

He was like a little boy.

He was all new.

And...
It felt like enough.

So I said, "Let's try,"
and he said, "Okay."

And we went home.

He stayed
at my place and...

Kind of locked ourselves in
with the groceries and...

he went off the Probitol.

And after a few days,
well...

You know what it's like.

He started
getting the shakes.

He started seeing things,
getting scared.

Getting mad.

But I thought,
we can do this.

There's a way.

We love each other.

And it got worse.

He flushed the rest of the Probitol
down the toilet.

I got a little scared and then...

Last night,
I got him to sleep...

somehow,

and I slept beside him,
holding him.

And I woke up
in the middle of the night

and he was screaming and throwing
everything in the apartment.

- He did this to you?

He did it to everything,
Horace, he didn't see me.

I wasn't there anymore, he wasn't there
anymore, he just...

went wild
and he tore at everything

and he only hurt me because
I was trying to stop him.

I was trying to hug him...

Cunt potato!

I was trying to hold him.

That's what I had said we'd do,
I'd help him through it.

Dirty Jews
in Fucktown, Alaska!

But he tore at everything
and he pushes me away.

He was so strong, and I...

I fought him.

I thought if we could just get through
this one night of...

Piss-drinking jalopy!

that we could make it.

And then...

You know, he knocked me out and
at that point, I wasn't even that hurt.

I woke up all like this.

And he was gone.

Jesus,
fill my mouth with buttery cum.

I'm really sorry, Tricia.

He never hurt anybody before.

Never.

Can't say that anymore.

I'm so sorry.

Wow, Hulk Hogan got awarded
$121 million for that sex tape thing.

- Mm-hmm.

That'd buy a lot
of prison vitamins, huh?

Yeah, but they're gonna
appeal it.

- Who, Nick Denton?
- Yeah, for sure.

They're not just gonna
give him $121 million.

Kurt:
- Oh, I fucking hate that guy so much,

that square-head bitch.

That smug face
he has.

So delighted
to invade people's privacy.

Can't wait to moralize when
that shit happens to a woman,

but the second it's a powerful man,

then it's okay to just drag his name
through the mud.

What a scumbag.

So what's he getting charged, uh,
if you break it down, for that tape?

Like a million dollars a second?

Oh, it's beautiful.
I love justice.

It's not justice.
It's a disgusting man.

- Nick Denton?
- No, fuck it... Hulk Hogan!

What a vile human being.
- Why?

That's the guy
whose rights we gotta protect?

Really? $120 million?
- Yeah.

That's enough to educate
every fucking kid in Africa.

Well, they gotta work for it.
You just can't throw money at them.

120-fucking-million dollars
to a wrestler, right?

- Yes.

So he can fuck his friend's wife
and her husband can film it

and they gotta be able
to do that in privacy, really?

- Yes.
- For fuck's sake.

- Of course.
- That's the...

The world has to give $120 million, that
kind of resource to that fucking pig?

Really?

Oh, yeah, no, no, it's not
a woman's thing, okay?

It's about privacy.
- This is not about privacy!

It's about giving $120 million
to a man in yellow panties

so he can fuck
his friend's wife!

That's what's happening!

Well, and what about the woman
who was in the tape?

What about her?

Shouldn't she at least
get $100 million, too?

No, that's true.
This is true. This is true.

I mean, this is, like, the highest
payout in sex tape history, right?

And she's the one who actually
got fucked, so...

She got to get fucked by the Hulkster,
which was her lifelong dream!

- Wow, that sucks.
- Really.

The world has to award that kind of
money to that fucking guy, really?

That guy?

- It's not...
- Come on.

I can't even.

It's not just his rights,
it's your rights, too.

This affects everyone.

It's a good thing.

This is the end of these scumbag blogs
destroying people's lives.

How could you be against this?

You know, I feel bad for black people,
because...

This is not about them, but somehow,
they got dragged into this shit, too.

Well, 'cause he was mad
his daughter's dating a black guy.

- Right.
- I feel bad for that, too,

because he was really a hero
to everyone, you know?

Black kids...

As much as I loved him,
so did black kids,

and then you get to be an adult
and you have that shattered,

that dream that, you know,
that your hero likes you

and lets you fuck his daughter?

That's just shitty.

But that still doesn't excuse
Nick Denton, okay?

And by the way, where else are you
supposed to say the N-word

if not at home
after banging your friend's wife?

- I don't know where he is!

Leon.

I don't know where he is.

Okay?

Pete's my brother.

He's my brother, Sylvie.

He's not my cousin,
he's my brother!

And he's missing.

And I don't know
what's wrong with him

and I don't know where he is!

Hey, Horace,
uh, where's Pete?

- Oh! Fuck! Oh, fuck!
- Horace!

- All right, whoa!
- Jesus Christ, whoa!

Hey, man!
Take it down a notch!

- Shut your fucking mouth!

I'm just trying
to break the tension, dude!

God damn, this family's
aggressive.

Fuck.

Boy, that was fucking quick.
- What the hell's that?

- Hey, what's going on in here?

- Hey, hi, Ricky.
- Hi, Sylvia.

Where's Pete?

Oh, don't ask that,
they punch you in the face here.

- Shut up, Kurt!
- Fuck you, man.

Hey, what the...
Hey, hey, what is going on in here?

- It's lively in here.

So what happened?
Did... What...

Did somebody call you guys?

- No.

We just...

Oh.

- Hi, there.

- Oh, shit, you're the mayor!

I... Excuse me...
You're the fucking mayor!

That's how my constituents
know me, yeah.

- The fucking mayor.

- What's your name?
- Kurt.

- Good to meet you, Kurt.

How's it going?

Yeah,
you're big as shit.

Yeah, hey, Horace, um, Pete asked me
to bring the mayor in to see the place.

We were
in the neighborhood.

- Hey, can I ask you a question?
- Yeah, sure.

Is it true that the NYPD is as large
as the standing army of France?

- No, that's not true.
- Mr. Mayor...

That's good, because, I was gonna say,
how do you justify that?

Maintaining a national army
against your own citizens?

- Your premise is wrong.

We don't have an army,
we have a...

- Mr. Mayor, Mr. Mayor.
- How you doing?

- May I ask you a question?
- Sure, man.

- What time is it?
- What time is it?

It's, like, 3:00.
Something like that.

- May I quote you on that?

Wait, so you're saying if France
invaded tomorrow, okay?

Your NYPD...

Wait, wait.
It's your NYPD.

It's all our NYPD.
- Yeah, whatever, man.

You're telling me France would kick
the NYPD...

- Hey, fuck that!

- Hey, hey, pull your ears in, Dom.
- Calm down, calm down.

We don't have a problem with France,
it's okay.

- Where's Pete?

Pete is...
Pete is missing.

Missing?
For how long?

About a week.
He went off his meds.

- Oh, man.
- Just disappeared.

- Why didn't you guys tell me?
- We didn't know you guys were close.

All right, uh, let me help you
try and find him.

I'll get some guys working on it.

- All right.

So Ricky,
what the hell's going on here?

- Okay, well...

Pete apparently was applying for
landmark status for this place.

He was?
He never said anything about that.

It's 'cause he thinks you're trying
to close the place down.

Yeah, so he asked me
to bring the mayor in.

So this is
the famous Horace & Pete's.

What a great place, a real
Brooklyn landmark.

- Mr. Mayor, meet Horace.

Horace,
good to meet you, man.

- Hey, Mr. Mayor.
- Good to meet you.

So, where's Pete?

Can I at least get a beer?

- Yeah, sure.
- Okay.

- All right.

- Hey.

Where the fuck are you?

- What do you mean?

I mean
what the hell is this?

- What, I'm here.
- No, you're not.

You're not here.
- Hey.

Leave me alone.

- I'm not gonna leave you alone.

You tell me what the hell you think
you're doing here.

Hey,
you're the one who's not here.

You fucking died,
so get lost.

Fucking ghost.

I may be a ghost,
but what are you?

A ghost can haunt people.

You can't haunt people
while you're alive, stupid.

- Please, leave me alone.

Where are you
this time, huh?

Where are you now?
Right now?

What, are you on a park bench
someplace, rocking back and forth?

You're...

You under an overpass on the BQE?

What is it
this time, Pete?

'Cause you sure as hell ain't here.

I'm here!
I'm right here!

- Oh, yeah?

What?

You think you can yell at me
and make me leave?

You can't bully me.

You never could.

Fucking loser.

- Please, leave me alone.

Fucking guy.

What a goddamn shame,
the way you've turned out.

You had a real chance at life,
before you went into the basket.

You came out of the gate of life like...

Good looking kid.

You could talk to anyone.

Everybody liked you,
everybody listened to you.

You were handsome.

You could dance.

And what you had,
that thing you had?

Courage.

You had it in fucking spades.

You were such a good ballplayer,
but you wanted to try hockey.

You couldn't skate for shit.

So we all said, "Hey, Pete,
stick with the baseball."

"Hockey's not your thing."

But you said,
"Fuck that, I want to try it."

And the coach
of the baseball team, you know,

he was afraid you were gonna injure
yourself.

He said, "You go out for hockey,
you're fucking off the team,"

'cause he thought
you'd back down, you know?

But not you.

You went out,
and you go out on the ice,

and you fall down
and you fall down.

You never made the team, but you...

You never regretted it.

You remember that,
Pete?

Remember...

Remember when you...
when you went out for hockey?

- Yeah, yeah, I remember that.

No, you don't.
'Cause it never happened.

What? No.
I remember it.

- No, you just crazied that up.

That never happened
any more

than you were chased by that
fucking snake in the Port Authority,

that first time when
they put you in the hospital.

- What?

Or any more
than any of this is real here.

- All right, get out!

Will you just...
get out of here and leave me alone!

- Then make me.

Make me.

You're the one who put me here
in the first place, you dumb idiot.

- You can't do that.

You can't make me...

I may be crazy and, yeah,
maybe I see things.

But...

There are things
in my life that are real.

They really happened.

And they're in my head.

They're in my memory
and they're in my heart

and you can't take
that away from me, Pete.

You can't, Pete!

I played hockey.

I sucked at it,
but I loved it.

The guys in hockey were cooler
than the guys in baseball.

The baseball guys,
they were just always uptight.

And baseball is too clean.
Hockey was messy.

And yeah,
we were all a bunch of losers,

but the tryouts were so much fun
and when I got cut, I didn't care.

And I told you that,
and you said, "Yeah, okay.

Fuck 'em, do what you want."

That happened!

- Did it?

I don't know.

Who knows with you?

- Horace.

Horace, you remember,
just tell him.

Horace!

Look at you,
yelling at him like some fag.

You're a fag.
- You're a fag!

- I'm not a fag.

- Would you please leave?

I'm asking you nice.

You can make me leave anytime
you want, you know?

This is all you.

You conjured me up.

You put yourself
here.

Why can't you just...

Just fix your messed-up mind and get
back to your normal life?

I mean, this is just you fighting you.

What's... What is it?

What's so fucking complicated
about this?

Just fix it.

Why can't you do that?

- 'Cause I...

I just can't,
'cause I'm sick.

And there ain't no cure.

Can't you see?
There's no figuring it out.

There's no going back to what I was.

Not even the guy
that I was here.

Well, what are you gonna do?
You gonna just give up?

- I wish you'd let me.

Why do you think
you're here?

I mean,
you know you're not here, right?

- I know.

I know.
I'm...

I'm probably freezing
to death somewhere

or I'm waving a tire iron in a deli
somewhere.

That's why I'm in here, I'm...

At least in here, it's...

Look, Pete,
I got no options, all right?

There's no good story
for me down the road.

I'm just unlucky.

That's all.

I got a bad straw.

But that's why I like being here.

I know it's not gonna last,
I...

Either some cop
is gonna knock me out

or I'm gonna get shot full
of some shit in the hospital.

Or I'll die.

But can you just
let me have this right now?

Would you please?

Just let me have it.

Just a little piece.

- Okay, son.

You go ahead and have it.

And you sure did
play hockey.

I was just fucking with you.

Huh?

- Dad?

Paul Simon:
- Hell no

I can't complain
about my problems

I'm okay the way things are

I pull my stool up
to the bar

At Horace and Pete's

Sometimes
I wonder

Why do we tear ourselves
to pieces?

I just need some time to think

Or maybe I just need
a drink

At Horace and Pete's

Horace and Pete