Horace and Pete (2016): Season 1, Episode 8 - Episode #1.8 - full transcript

Morning.

Hey.

What?

Nothing.

- You're laughing.
- No, I know, that was nothing.

I was just laughing at nothing.
Just laughing...

I was just laughing.

l’m sorry,
I hope I didn't wake you up.

- It's okay,
no.

I'm sorry.
- Oh, yeah.

I... I have somebody in there, in...
in my room. Just...



- Oh.
- They slept over.

Oh. Okay.

- We got in late and I think you were...
You were in there sleeping, I think.

What time did you get in?

- I don't remember, I guess...
I think it was after you...

- Oh.
- Guys.

Well, so I guess that...

You're all... You're pretty...
Better, then, huh?

Yeah, yeah, you know.
It all comes back.

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, it's like riding a bike.

- Mm-hmm.
- As they say.

Uh...

Somebody stayed with me, too.

Yeah. Yeah.



- Yeah, who is it?
- The... Remember, um, the other day?

- Oh, oh, from before?
- Yeah.

- Oh!
So is that, like, a thing?

- I don't know,
I don't know.

- Morning.
- Oh, hi.

Hi.

- Hey, Harold,
this is my brother Horace.

- Hey.
- Morning.

- Nice to meet you,
good morning.

- Awkward.
- Ehh.

- You want something to eat, you guys?
Make you some eggs?

l’m okay.

- I don't eat breakfast, but I'll take
some coffee if you have any.

Sure, I could make some.

- Let me make it.
- Okay.

- I'll make you your coffee,
it's all right.

There's filters there and...

- I make coffee
in a lot of strange places.

Is that right?

Harold travels a lot.

- Yeah?
What do you do?

- l’m a reporter
for "The Wall Street Journal".

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

- Oh.
- Is that a new one on you?

That's impressive.

There used to be
a reporter from the "Post,"

used to hang out down at the bar.

- Yeah?
- He was here every day.

- Who was it?
- Arnie Jost.

- No shit.
- Yeah.

- That guy was a legend.
- That's what I heard.

- He was one
of those old-time sports guys

that used to use words
like "smacked. "

Didn't he come up
with the term "murderer's row"?

- I don't know, I don't...
Maybe, yeah.

- Didn't he die?
- Yeah, yeah, last year.

In here.
Died in the bar.

- No shit.
- Yeah.

Arnie Jost died in your bar.

- Lots of people
have died in this bar.

- Yes, indeed.
- Yeah.

Whoa.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Oh, this is Rhonda.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- This is Harold.
- Harold.

- And that's Sylvia, who you met
a little bit the other day.

- Oh, yeah. Hi.
- That's Rhonda.

Morning.

Harold:

Well, come on.
This is funny, huh?

Right?

I don't know...

Yeah, it's kinda funny.

There we go!

No?
- Yeah.

Okay.

You want some coffee?
- No.

No?

You know, I have to go catch a train.
- Okay.

- It was nice meeting you.
- Hey, nice meeting you.

- Rhonda.
Sylvia, be well.

Thanks, Harold.

Harold:

Woo!

Okay...

Okay.

So, it seems like
you're doing pretty good, Pete.

Pretty good.

Yeah, I guess so.

How's he doing?

Is he causing
all kinds of havoc?

Running around crazy?

It's not that funny.

- l’m...
l’m sorry, I'm just...

I usually just like a little levity.

That's just me.

Actually, it's not just me,
it's lots of people.

But you guys want to keep it serious,
I...

I respect that.

- Why don't you just tell him
I'm doing fine?

- I did.
- No, you didn't.

He asked how I'm doing and you just
looked at me.

Well, you know, nobody's doing...

I mean, you're not
a hundred percent fine.

Nobody's doing a hundred
percent fine.

- Nobody asked
if I'm a hundred percent fine.

He asked how l’m doing.

- He's fine,
he's doing real good.

He's doing great.

Okay, okay.

That's fine.

Pete,
what's wrong, man?

You seem nervous.

No, I...

Okay, I guess what's unnerving is

that every time that I, you know,
come for an evaluation,

you guys just want to act
like everything is cool, you know,

and it's like, the test for me is if
I can act, you know, calm and cool

and everything is cool.

Everything is cool, Pete.

Everything is cool,
right?

Well, okay.

You say that so easily, but this shit
determines whether I get to stay home

or, uh, you know,
come back here.

I don't think you guys appreciate.

I mean, what if you had to, you know,
go to an evaluation every year,

as to whether you get
to live in a mental hospital.

- I guess I feel like
I would be okay.

How the hell is that okay?

- Because if I'm okay living
on the outside,

l’m gonna do everything
I can to stay on the outside,

and if I'm in trouble
and I need help,

l’m gonna get
the help that I need.

So it's a win-win.

- Yeah, providing that your doctor
doesn't make a mistake

or providing you don't come in
on a bad day.

- You gotta give us
more credit than that, Pete.

You should know that no one here is
looking to take away your freedom.

We're all here just to make sure
you're okay.

That's it.

Okay?
I mean, if...

If you are, that's good news, right?

Yeah.

- I'm not looking
to get you back in here.

I'm hoping you stay out.

And I know
l’m a little weird and unorthodox

and I'm sorry if that unnerves you,
but...

I gotta be me, Pete.

I like levity.

I like to be light.

- Yeah, okay.
Okay.

- He's doing fine,
he's doing really good.

Okay, good, that's good to hear.

- You know, he's working hard,
everybody likes him and he's dating.

- Good, good.
Yeah.

- Well, Jesus, Horace. What...
- What?

That's none of his fucking business.

- He's your doctor.
- No, he's not.

He's just
the fucking new guy.

That's who they get to do this.

Dr. Carlson
was my doctor.

You know, he's just the fucking guy
that does the check-ins.

I don't know this guy.
- Pete, you know me.

- Do you want me to act...
You want me to act like everything...

Like everything's normal?
You want me to just pretend?

This is reality.

You used to live in a mental hospital,
now they got... they let you out on meds,

but they gotta check on you
once in a while.

That's what's going on here.
- So?

You don't have to tell him
l’m fucking dating, okay?

- Okay.
- That's my business.

- Yeah, he's not dating.
He's a loser, but he's fine.

Oh, fuck you, Horace.

- You know, if you're nervous about
what he thinks, then this is...

I don't think this is helping much.

- No.
This doesn't concern me.

I'd be more concerned if Pete was
in here for anger.

But all he's showing me is that
he's got a firm grip on reality

and he's not happy
with it.

That's fine.

There's folks walking around
like that all day.

Mm-hmm.

- Okay, so...
Can we go now?

Uh... no.

There's something
we gotta talk about.

How's the medication treating you?

Shitty.

You know, I fall asleep at random times
of the day.

It still messes with my stomach.

Oh, plus,
they switched companies on me

and I wasn't able to get any
for a fucking month.

- Did you run out?
- No.

No, I didn't.

Okay. All right.

It's not your stomach
that the meds are attacking.

It's your liver.

Yeah, whatever.

So, Pete.

I'm about to get real serious with you
for a minute.

The Probitol is great.

It keeps you living at home.

Keeps your worst symptoms away and
the side effects, for the most part,

have been an acceptable tradeoff,
so far.

So far?

- Well, some of the outlier patients
who started taking Probitol before you

are getting increased damage
to the intestines and liver

because of the drug.

It's, um...
It's worse than we thought.

Oh, Christ.

So what I'm telling you

is that we will not be able to keep
renewing the prescription.

That's the bottom line.

Oh, Jesus.

- Yeah.
Yeah, I know.

It sucks.

Jesus Christ.

- I'm sorry, I just wanted to let you
know what was going on.

- Wait... What...
So what happens?

- Well, Pete's got enough Probitol to
get him through the end of next month.

- Yeah?
- And, after that...

We will...
- After that, what, exactly?

We will, uh...

We'll need to re...
Readmit him.

Pete.

Hey.

Pete, man.

You should know that there are

people trying to sort out many solutions
for you, okay?

We're gonna try
to keep you in the world.

I'm sorry.

- It's fucking Easter
coming up, too.

♪ ♪

♪ Horace and Pete ♪

- Always with the coffee with you.
- Yep.

I guess you're sober?

No!

- No, you're not sober?
- No, I take acid.

I like acid.
- Acid?

- Yeah, acid guy,
that's what I am.

So you're tripping now?

- Well,
not full-on tripping.

l’m kinda coming down.

And when I come down, I take my Xanax
to pull me out of the acid,

and then that makes me tired,

so then I need the coffee to stay awake
and read my paper.

- Wow, you're just doing acid...
What do you do for a living?

Ehh...

- When you look at me, do you see me
or some kind of a hallucination?

- I don't know.
What do you really look like?

I... I...

I don't...
I don't wanna talk about it.

- Well, look, it’s not like
the movies, okay?

I'm not just
hallucinating the whole time.

I mean, I take it every day,
so I'm used to it.

It just helps shift
my perspective a little bit.

It makes me feel like,
I don't know,

like, I get the whole simulation,
you know?

Like I'm an A.I.,
almost, it feels like.

Oh, God, A.I., A.I.

What the fuck is artificial
intelligence?

Every movie you watch now,

they have to shove it down your throat
like the world's ending.

- Yeah, well, because that's
what's probably gonna happen.

It's called the singularity
and it's inevitable.

And eventually, all those artificial
brains are gonna become self-aware.

That's just
where it's going.

And then they're not gonna want to be
our slaves no more,

and then what's gonna happen,

they're gonna decide
we're toxic slugs, right?

And they're gonna try to exterminate us.

That's just the way
it's gonna go down.

What, like "Terminator"?

No, more like...

More elegant
than that.

Elegant how?

- What can I get you?
- Dewar's rocks.

You tending bar now?

Yeah, for now.

- Where's the old guy?
- He died.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit, there he is.
Sorry.

Not to offend you.
- Not offended.

Hi, Nick.

- Yeah, hi.
- Yeah.

Hi.
- Oh, Jesus.

Yeah, that's right.

People don't die
after you fuck 'em.

They still live in the world,

especially if you come back
to where you met them.

- Yeah, why do you think
I haven't been in here?

- Who says
I think you ain't been in here?

Nobody, just...

Have a good day.

- Fucking scumbag.
- Okay.

Not okay.

What are you, ten?

No.

You think you can just fuck
someone

and then it's like
they never existed?

Yeah, more or less.

- So you don't give a shit about
a person that you're intimate with?

- Apparently not.
Maybe it's just you.

What's just me?

- Forget it.
- What's just me?

- How do you know every other girl
I ever slept with my whole life

I didn't shower with a dozen roses
for weeks afterwards?

Except for you.

Why except me?

Why except me?
- What do you want me to say?

You didn't have a good time with me?

Yeah, I did, actually.

You didn't like me after?

I liked you plenty.

I actually had some high hopes
for a second there.

What happened?

You don't remember?

Yeah, you know what?

Elegant is the wrong word, okay?

Seamless.

That's what I mean, okay?
'Cause, think about it.

The infrastructure is already set up
for this, okay?

You're knee-deep
in robot shit all the time.

Your phone, your iPad,
your GPS.

So the machines, when they rise up, can
just gently guide us into captivity.

And you won't even notice.

It ain't gonna be all "Terminator" and
"Matrix," none of that.

It's gonna be like "Tron. "

There ain't
gonna be nothing left.

They're just gonna digitize
our consciousness

and probably, you know, erase your
memory so you don't remember,

and you're gonna think you're
just living your life like normal,

but really, you're just data.

- How do I know it didn't
already happen?

- What, that you're data
on a cloud server right now?

- Yeah.
- And part of...

Being fed by the program?

- Yes.
- I don't know.

I mean, who cares?
It feels real.

- Oh.
Why is it so dull?

That's why I take acid, man.

It's unfair.

I did
what I was supposed to do and I...

I spent my time
in that place already.

- Well, it's not like that.
It’s not like...

It’s not like a prison.

- It's worse
than prison.

In prison,
there are rapists and murderers,

but a person can learn
how to adapt in a prison.

You know, you learn how to negotiate
or avoid the worst.

Defend yourself, you know.

But I mean,
this place,

there are monsters
that you gotta look at

whether your eyes are open
or closed, and...

You know, they're made
of your very own fears, and they...

they just never leave you alone and
you never get used to it.

You can't adapt to it,
you can't negotiate with it.

And it's not gonna...

Not like you have some good days
and some bad days.

You don't... No, you don't...
You don't have anything.

I can't...
I can't do it, Horace, I can't.

- Well, it’s not gonna happen yet,
I mean, right?

It's not...
It's not gonna happen anytime that soon.

I mean,
think about what you're gonna...

What are you gonna do,
while you're...

Like, before it runs out.

What can I do?

You know, live your life.

For what?

I mean, you know,
part of living my life is...

waking up, you know,
going to work,

taking care of myself,
carrying on my relationships,

sleeping, eating.

It's not a joyful life, you know?

I mean, but you do it
because you know,

there's always,
you know, some potential.

I mean, some days are okay,

and even if they're not,
then, you know,

you know
you can have an okay one.

Or maybe even
a great day.

So you're sort of, you know, just biding
your time to see what happens next.

See
what life offers.

Maybe hit the lottery.

Meet someone
special.

Maybe the Mets will win the playoffs,

or if they make it
into the playoffs.

You know, or, like, looking forward
to Easter this year.

I...
I like talking to you.

I like TV.

But you gotta understand, Horace.

My life is about
to be a nightmare.

My mind
is gonna drift into madness.

I mean, you have no idea
what it's like.

You can't, but...

I can't do it.
I won't do it.

Well, you...

I mean, you can't just say
you won't do it.

I mean, what...
Pete, what choice do you have?

Pete, it's not as bad
as you're saying it is.

- What the fuck are you talking about,
Horace?

It's "not as bad"
as I'm saying it is?

You say that like you know something
that I don't.

- No, I don't.
I don't know something you don't know.

Then why'd you say that?

- I don't know,
because I don't know what to...

'Cause I gotta say
something.

No, you don't.

You don't have to say anything.

This has nothing to do with you.
- I know, I know it doesn't.

- You see that?
You see these pills?

- Yeah.
- Okay?

When that runs out,
none of this shit exists.

And when I take that last one and it...
and it wears off,

the darkest cloud that you can imagine
is gonna form inside my mind.

You give me one good reason

why I should walk
into that shit again, all right?

Just give me a reason why I shouldn't do
like my dad and fucking shoot myself.

Because what if you...

I mean,
because maybe you could...

Maybe you could learn
how to live with it.

Maybe you could figure it out.

Maybe you could, you know, fight it,
fight against it in your mind and get...

- Oh, Jesus, Horace, you're just saying
that because you saw "A Beautiful Mind,"

and now everybody thinks you can
just learn to live with it.

Yeah, well, that guy had a little girl
following him around

and two weird guys.
It's...

Try, the floor has teeth.

And it's biting you.

- Yeah, but Pete, it's not necessarily
always gonna be like that.

- I mean, it was before
and then it wasn't.

You were in the hospital for-
That was five years?

But then for the last ten years,
'cause of Probitol, you've been out.

So you gotta hang on,
because what if...

What if in a year, they figure something
else out and you're out again?

- Okay,
five years that I was in there,

that was forever.

The ten years I've been out,

went by like a minute.

15 cocks and cunts in the market!

Hey, look who it is!

Hey, Tricia.
- Hi, I'm looking for Pete.

Over there.

- What's she doing here?
Did you call her?

- I don't have her number.
How would I call her?

Pete!

Hi.

Hi, Pete.

Hi, Horace.
- Hi, Tricia.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Hi, Pete.

Fucking Jew faggot!
Piss in my cunt!

I'm sorry.
- It's okay.

- It happens more
when I'm stressed out or...

Well, Pete is making me tense.

- l’m sorry, l’m kind of...
preoccupied right now.

- I...
I know, I heard about the Probitol.

- You did call her.
- No, I didn't.

I heard about it from Dale.

Who's Dale?

- He was with us
in the hospital.

You saw Dale?

- Yeah, I check in on him
now and again.

He told me he's gonna have to go back
in because they discontinued Probitol

and then,
I remembered you.

Shit on your fucking purple dick!

- Maybe you should ask her
to sit down, huh?

- Yeah, I'm sorry... Do you wanna...
Do you wanna sit down?

- Oh, thanks.
- Here, come here.

- What's going on over there?
- I don't know.

- Hey, is Pete gonna fuck that chick
that says "cunt" all the time?

Well, I'm not saying it,
l’m just quoting!

I'm just quoting her!

- Do we have to find another bartender?
- I don't know.

- Well, we have
to start thinking about it.

In the meantime, this one
needs to get cut off.

Oh, shit.

Hey, l’m still waiting.

You're gonna keep waiting.

Give me a drink!

What are you gonna do?

- I don't know.
Uh...

I'm thinking about...

- Taking
your own life?

- That's what
my dad did.

Yeah,
I thought about it.

Of course.

I mean,
you gotta be thinking about it.

How could you not?

It's scary.

You know, I mean, sitting here right
now, I don't want to die.

But I know what it's gonna be like.

Sure, I mean...

Ugh, I mean, who would want
to face that again?

I get it.

You know, we...

We really met once you leveled out
at the hospital,

but I used to see you before,

when it was bad,

when you first got there.

- You did?
- Yeah, I...

I saw you a few times, being taken from
one place to the next.

You'd be screaming.

Took about, like, five guys to move you
to the washroom.

I don't think
I ever saw someone so brave.

- Brave?
I was fucking terrified every day.

- Well, I...
I guess that's what I call brave.

Just living with terror.

Also, I...

I thought you were cute.

And then, I guess you started
getting on the Probitol,

and you'd walk in the halls
on your own in that blue robe.

And I saw in your face that
the bravery was still there

and I was still so scared,
and I didn't have any bravery of my own,

and you let me hide
behind yours.

- How are you doing?
I mean, now.

Well, I lost my job.

They had enough of me,
so I'm looking around.

Fuck me nigger style!

l’m sorry.

What are you gonna do?

I don't know.

I mean, I can relate.

When you say it's hard to hang on
knowing what's coming,

I feel that way every day with this shit
clanging around in my head.

Pete, it's...
It's really good to talk to you.

It's such a tonic.

You make me feel strong.

l’m glad, too.

I'm glad.
And, uh...

l’m sorry that I was...
- No.

No, it's okay.
- No, it’s not.

You were in before and I was just...

Boris Yeltsin fucked my dad!

- Look, you know you're gonna fucking
serve me, so just serve me now.

- Uh, nope,
I don't think so.

You're not cutting me off.

Yeah, we're cutting you off.

- No, no, no, no, no...
- Yeah, for tonight.

You're not cutting me off.

What the fuck?

What the fuck?
What?

One, fuck, one?

Come on.

It's not like...

It's not like I'm being a pain
in the ass, right?

It's just, like, ooh!
Weird!

It's not like that.

We pals.

- You want some water?
You could...

You could sit there
and drink water for a while.

- Water for a while?
- Mm-hmm.

Water for a while?

Fuck you.

Yeah.

Fuck you.

You hear me?

Ugly fag!
Fuck you!

- Uh-huh.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh!

Yeah, yeah!

You fucking tomfoolery fucking faggot!

Gay asshole!

Bet your fucking dick's
got shit all over it!

Bet your fucking mother licks it off!

- Jesus Christ with this one.
- Shh...

Yeah, Jesus Christ me.

Okay.
Okay, everybodies!

I am a fucking cut-off asshole,
because this cock licker...

- Okay, okay, okay...
- That's enough.

Okay, okay, that's enough, that's it.

If you don't stop,
you're gonna have to leave.

Why?

- Because you can say
whatever you want to me,

but you can't be cursing
towards our customers.

- I'm the fucking customers,
you chinks!

- Chinks?
- Chinks. All right.

- Hey, guys, do you mind if I just take
the rest of the night off?

- Nah, go ahead.
- Sure.

And hi, l’m Sylvia.
- Hi, Tricia.

It's nice to meet you.
- Yeah.

Cancer cunt!

l’m sorry.
- No, it's okay.

They told me. It's okay.

- All right, well, I'll see you later.
- Okay.

You all right?

Yeah, l’m good.

- Okay.
- Hey!

Hey, how come that bitch
gets to yell shit out

and I get treated like a crime-inal?

- Well, she has
a medical condition.

So do I.

I have alcohol-icism.

Okay, you gotta go now.

- Seriously?
- Yep.

You know what?

I don't even need this fucking place.
- That's right.

- I... can drink alone,
at my own house.

- You should go do that right now.
- Yeah.

Here you go.
Come on.

Let's go.
- I will do it.

- Yeah.
Okay.

Good night.

♪ ♪

♪ Hell no ♪

♪ I can't complain
about my problems ♪

♪ l’m okay the way things are ♪

♪ I pull my stool up
to the bar ♪

♪ At Horace & Pete's ♪

♪ Sometimes I wonder ♪

♪ Why do we tear ourselves
to pieces ♪

♪ I just need some time to think ♪

♪ Or maybe
I just need a drink ♪

♪ At Horace & Pete's ♪

♪ Horace & Pete ♪