Hooten & the Lady (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - Cambodia - full transcript

Alex and Hooten attempt to track down the priceless Cintamani jewel in Cambodia, which can manifest whatever one wishes for, but they soon attract the attentions of a ruthless Vietnamese drug gang.

It was him, wasn't it?

He killed them both.

He found us.

I wasn't careful enough.

It's the 51st Fabergé Egg.

The Broken Heart.

Hooten! No!

Why did you just do that?

If you take it,

then the person that wants it
will come after you too.

All right, you're up, kid!

How the hell
did you get ahead of me?


This is the place!



Getting weird.

What does it say?

Beware, the crazy American,

he thinks stone walls can talk.

I can feel a breeze.

We need to push here.

Or do you want to ask these guys first?

I have a machete, you know.

You should remember that.

Alright, stay close, Jian.

Watch out for traps.

What died in here?

Okay, no one freak out, just relax.

Nice and slow.

Kinda stole my move there.

I'll let you do the next one.

What next one? Where?

The shankha!

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

He's still in here for a reason.

Watch and learn, kid.

I don't think
that's meant to happen.

No kidding!

One... Ya!

Nice landing!

Just run!

Hello, I can't get to the phone
right now, but if you leave

- your name and number...
- Hooten, I know it's you.

Just talk to me, for God's sake.

There's nothing to talk about.
I told you, I'm out.

No more tombs...

No more British Museum...

I've got a job in Canada now,

I'm working on a fracking facility.

Money is good. Beer's cheap.

So, go get married,
knock out a couple of baby Farquhars,

and stop bothering me.

You didn't say "please".

So what's the hold-up?
You have the chakra, right?

Yes, and no. It's been
sent to our restorer, for cleaning.

But I can download you
a picture of it from our archive.

No, I need a three dimensional
image, and I need it now.

It would help to know why.

And, more particularly, why
I'm not supposed to tell Alex.

I need to handle this one by myself.

It's for her own good.

Trust me.

Promise me you didn't tell her.

I can promise you...

that I will not tell her again.

Hello everyone!

Isn't this a lovely surprise? Hello.

Jian, meet Alex, former associate,

and all-time pain in my ass.

You said she'd been grounded.

Yes, she has, and it's your fault.

So, you two better work things out,

before Clive hears about this.


You see, this is why
I don't work with her anymore.

She doesn't know
when to mind her own business.

- Pot kettle!
- Combine with the utter inability

to let anyone else have the last word.

- He's describing himself, really.
- Go home, Alex! I don't need you.

You're looking for Shambhala,
aren't you?

And the Cintamani jewel.

And I do get the last word after all.

I'm worried about you, Hooten.

I mean, really, genuinely concerned.

Is this a guilt trip about
leaving me stranded in Russia?

I though that meant we were done.

That was just a spat.
It doesn't mean you have to disappear

of the face of the planet.

You're still pissed about the Egg.

I got a bit... paranoid, I admit.

Your friend was murdered.

And now you're hiding
out here in Cambodia.

What? Can't a guy have a vacation?

Shutting me out,
lying about where you are,

and now, chasing something
that doesn't even exist!

A jewel that bestows immortality.

You're right.
I've lost it.

Then why are you doing it?

I know the legend.

Find the four lots implements
of the Hindu God Vishnu,

which was stolen
from his statue in Angkor Wat.

We've two of them already.

Um, um.

No, we don't!
Go buy yourself some candy!

The kid is easily confused.

Not playing with a full deck.
That's why the monks took him in.


Look. The shankha and padma.

And I know where the gada is too.

- We're going there now.
- No, we're going to the gift shop now.

They're fakes. We're gonna make
copies and sell them to the tourists.

This is why you want the chakra.

Its decorations match these
almost exactly.

Pure coincidences. There's like
a gazillion chakras in the world.

Yes, but the one
in the British Museum

was found in this exact
region of Cambodia.

It's one of the four, isn't it?

- It's actually real!
- Don't do that. Be strong.

You know, stick to your original
conviction. This is a legend!

Wait, it says that the symbol
on these will direct you to Shambhala.

Where we'll find the Cintamani jewel.

How can they?
There's no such place.

But he knows someone
who pay us a fortune to find out.

You're getting even
more irritating than she is.

So, who is this buyer then?

If he's in anyway reputable, he'll know
what you're promising him is a fantasy.

I keep telling you the same thing

and here you are,
still following me around.

If I had Clive's number,
you'd be so fired right now.

- Not if we find the jewel first.
- Back up.

There's no "we". Just me and Jian.

He's the one who knows
where they're hidden.

Yes, and I'm curious as to how?

People've been searching
for these four artefacts for centuries.

And suddenly, a twelve year
old boy knows their exact location.

The elders in my wat have
an ancient Hindu manuscript.

Which reveal where they were hidden.

Hey, can you stop offering
information we don't have to?

The temple is close by. Wait here!

- You stole that sacred manuscript.
- No!

Jian sneaked to look at it
one day. That's all.

And not because I said.
He came to me, said he needed my help.

How very lucrative for you.

Don't do the moral thing.

Not when you're trying to jump
on this bandwagon with me.

That's so not why I'm here.

We've got a problem.

- Who are they?
- The PMC.

They've set up a cauldron
in the temple.


It means, gangsters.

Drug dealers. They need the oil
from those roots to make ecstasy.

They'll be here all night.

So come back tomorrow.

That isn't the problem. Look!


They found the gada.

Look, we've got three
of the artefacts, maybe that's enough.

No, we need all four
to crack the code.

Believe me, I've tried.
We need to rig some traps.

Excuse me, Rambo,
they've got guns!

- What is wrong with you?
- So do I.

We're government funded,
we can't shoot people.

We have got to call the police.

You kidding? This is Cambodia.

They probably drove them here.

- Tell her, Jian.
- No police!

What we need is to wait
until it's dark, and they're drunk.

Looks like you're outvoted.

Go home, Alex.
You're getting married in two weeks.

So you did get my invitation.
The one that says "RSVP" on it.

Edward needs you, I don't.

Alright, have fun, Hooten.

Hope you don't get shot.

You keep him here,
I'm gonna go get help.

It's a blessing.
She's bad news, kid.

Always whining, and being British...

I think our luck just
changed for the better.


Not the kid! Let him go.

I payed him to take me here
for that, it's worth money.

Mucho dang.

As in "dollars," yeah.

He... he wants to know
why it's worth some much.

Tell him the truth, kid.

It'll save our lives.

Where is she gone?

Shambhala goda guia.

You tell him about the jewel.

How it grants your deepest desire.

Holy shit! Go Alex!

Untie them.

Okay, what do I do?
What do I do now?

You point it at them.
You're doing great.

My God, I'm gonna be sick.

Do they speak english?

- No, why?
- I think I run out of bullets.

The gada, now.


Where is the fourth guy?

He's knocked out in there.
How do you think I have his gun?

You let him go or I shoot you.

Tell him, Jian.

That's it, kid. Run!

No, no, no, stay back!
I'll shoot! I'll shoot!

We need to find Jian.

- Hooten, wait, slow down!
- Keep moving the road's

- somewhere close. I'm sure of it.
- You said that

ten minutes ago.
We're lost, aren't we?

I think it's this way.

- Are you sure?
- You have a better idea?

Maybe it's Jian?
He might be looking for us.

We gotta run for it.

Make that road and we're safe.

I can catch a ride
back in a town.


One bullet?

They'll see us.

Then run fast.

- That was your last bullet.
- They don't know that.

God. Now what?

I'm open to suggestions.
Anything at all.

Just blue sky
at left field out of a box.

- I can't think while you're talking.
- I'm sorry.

It's just they're gonna realise why I'm
not shooting at them any second now.

Let's back off slowly.

Brilliant! I don't know
how I survived without you.

Okay, one of us can stay put
while the other one escapes.

- And by one of us, you mean me.
- You're the one with the gun.

I'm getting married soon.
That could be your wedding present.

- Wouldn't you rather have a toaster?
- It's not on the list.

What about a mine field?

Is that on your list?

We're at the nest.

Looks like the birds have flown.

Are you sure?

They can't have gotten far.

Keep looking for them.

Where is Hooten?

The Khmer Rouge would have...
laid these land mines...

what, the late... seventies?

They were pretty low tech.

A mobile phone wouldn't...

trigger them, surely.

Try and see.

I don't have any signal anyway.

Okay, we're gonna have to...

get out of here by ourselves.

We can't retrace our steps
because we were running,

so we're gonna have to go forwards.

Give me your... give me your knife.
I'm gonna, poke at the ground.

Every few inches will take
about an hour to clear, so...

we'll probably make it
to that road by Christmas.

When did you say
you were getting married?

Yes, thank you, Mr Glass-half-empty.

Would you suggest
we need the Cintamani jewel,

bestow a little bit
of immortality upon of us,

so we could just walk out of here!

I'm sorry, Alex, I tried
to keep you out of this.

Out of what, Hooten?!

You have to talk to me.
If I'm gonna get...

blown up by a bloody landmine,

you know, I deserve that much at least.
What the hell is going on here?

Who is the buyer?
What does he... Who is he?

His name is Kane.

And he wants the jewel. Even more
than he wanted that Fabergé Egg.

And if I can find it first,
then I can flush him out

and get what I want in return.

What for?

Killing my family.

My wife and my son.

That's why you have a gun.

- Next time I say "Stop bothering me"...
- Yeah.

I'll stop, I promise I won't...

Next time.

You're gonna tell me
not to kill him, aren't you?

Will it bring them back?

No, what are you doing? Hooten!

- It's called absolution.
- It's called suicide.

Hooten, stop moving, please!

I have to save someone, Alex.
It might as well be you.

Just watch where I walk.

If I don't make it...

take a different path.

God, he couldn't...

Sorry, Ed.

I'm coming back. I am not...

dying... here.


Hooten, slow down,
I'm losing track!

I said, stop!


It's a sign.

We're meant to live. You...
just get to me, and you're safe.

This is the edge
of the mine field.


It's a sign. Get it?

Yeah, yeah.

It's a sign, but it's also a sign.

Okay, yes, yes, yes,
I get it. You don't have to

explain the jokes. Don't
get funny, Hooten.


He's a psychopath.

And how is it your fault?

He must have been
motivated somehow.

And how did you even
meet him in the first place?

We shared a prison cell
once in Calcutta.

If you didn't have someone to watch
your back, you didn't survive.

So you were friends.

What changed?

It's complicated.

Then talk slowly.

You left prison, and then what?

Hooten, my life
is in danger too now.

Okay? I deserve to know why.

We got out, became...

business partners.

- Anything legal?
- Ish.

Tomb raiding mainly.

So you were stealing artefacts,
and selling on the black market.

Okay, do you wanna preach,
or do you wanna listen?

It was a different time then,
alright? Different rules.

Yes, we made a ton
of compromised money, which...

Kane used

in ways I didn't appreciate.

So I left.

- What else?
- Nothing, that's it.

Hooten, there is something else.

You don't murder
someone's entire family...

Kane does, okay? He did.

It's why I didn't want you involved.

You should have just...
listened to Clive and stayed grounded.

Hey, man, can we get a lift?

Oba balawa.

I think... I think she's in trouble.

You know, she promised
to call me, but hasn't.

And... well,
you've heard nothing either?

Ed, no, not for a while.
But you know, it is Cambodia.

And the connection's sporadic.
Look, you're gonna have to go.

Because if Clive sees you here, he's
gonna start asking awkward questions.

Number one being,
"Should I fire you?"

As well as Alex.

- Jian!
- I left you, sorry.

No, no, no, you got away.

You're safe.
You did the right thing.

And you kept the gada.

Alright, we need Ella to send us
a copie of the chakra,

so we can start analysing the symbols
and find the route to Shambhala.

No, look, I'm sorry,
but you have to forget this.

Don't give up on me now,
Alex, we're so close.

Hooten, I'm not, that's
why I don't want her to send it.

You brought it with you.

You should have said
you've got the copy.

No. Don't open that.
Hooten, that is personnal property!

I'm sorry, Alex, I had no choice.
Clive found out where you where.

How? Who told him?

I was worried about you.

I've got him to agree
not to fire you.

But, only if you achieve
something that justifies it.

the Shambhala myth is reality,

would be an excellent start.

So go and find the Cintamani jewel.

I did tell you it was a myth.

This really sucks.

Escaping that mine field
gave me faith.

I thought it meant something.

What? That planning
to kill someone is okay?

Which god are you praying to?


it was meant to frighten you,
into making peace with it.

What, what do you mean?
Are you hiding what you learned,

so I don't get my revenge?

- No.
- No?!

No, I'm not!
We've checked everything.

It's an eclectic set of images

with no discernable
connection apart from...

What? Apart from what?

A possible link to the Nakshatras.

Astronomy, there are 27 symbols
on the artefact,

which could, possibly,

represent the 27 Nakshatras.

- You mean the stars.
- Comets,

celestial bodies,
basically the entire night...

- ... in the sky.
- OK, and you neglected to tell me this?

Because it's meaningless.
It's like saying the entire world,

this... nothing specific
to pinpoint

- to a particular location.
- I know, feel it.

The raised dots.

- Feel them.
- Okay.

Random patterns.
They're in all the artefacts.

- Um, um.
- All of them. I made a drawing

of the patterns...

Jian connected them, he was bored,
having fun. But look at this.

What if those dots were stars?

What if these shapes...

were all constellations?

You see, look at this.


it's right there.

Would that be enough
to pinpoint a location?

If we join this up, we have a route.

A line in the sky from Angkor Wat

- where the Vishnu statue was...
- To Shambhala, baby.

And the Cintamani jewel.

Should I ask
why we don't have a pilot?

He's probably busy
calling the police.

I would if someone
stole my balloon.

Of course you did.

I'm assuming you know
how to land this thing?

It's gonna be fun finding out.

This was the last Nakshatra, right?

Yes, it was the final image

- on the implement, so...
- It has to be here.

Agreed. But this is a vast area.

- And with no other directions to...
- You've got to help me out here, OK?

What is the symbol of this Nakshatra?

Its deity is a Nâga.

It's usually a seven headed cobra,

- but it can have other incarna...
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Need to look
for a snake-shaped object.

- Yeah, I'm looking at one, right now.
- Funny.

Jian thinks you're gonna
find this jewel, and sell it,

and that his half of the fortune
will secure his future.

I'm giving him my half too.

So you're gonna make sure
we get payed, and then start

your killing spree. Nice.


Even in a balloon, I'm not
above of the moral high-ground.

It's why you brought me.
To help talk you out of it.

Because you know
deep down this is wrong.

No, it's because
we haven't found the jewel yet.

And there might be more crap
to figure out before we do.

Well if there is I'm not helping you,
so you won't find it.

I'll just have to ask
the seven-headed Nâga then.

Let him show me the way.

Jian, check this out.

Who are they?


That's him, isn't it?

How the hell did he find us?

No flashlights,
it will tell him where to shoot.

We need to find the jewel first,
or he'll kill us all.

- Hooten?
- Alright, flashlights on.

No, no, stay back!

Welcome to Shangri-La.

I thought paradise
would have less snakes.

They'll be here any second.

We need to hurry.

Alright, it's done. Who's first?

You're the heaviest,
if it can hold you, we'll be fine.

You'd better leave us your gun, though.
Just in case,

you do... fall in.

Loving the positive vibes, here.

Nice knowing you, kid.

Alright, piece of cake.
Jian, you're next!

Careful, it's a long way down.

Jian, what are you doing?

What I was told.

I've got his gun.
They're unarmed!

Come, quickly!




Yet another woman
who'll risk her life to be with you.


- Why is that?
- Pull her up.

She has nothing to do with this.
Come on, please!

When you find the jewel, yes.


She is not your concern.
Pleasing me is your concern.

For your parents' sake
if nothing else.

Help her up!

Better hurry.


I see it. Pull her up!

I've got the jewel!

Without the machete.

Is this what you want?

End me.

Let Alex go.

You just leave her alone.

Like you left my wife alone?

You ran off with his wife?

That's a significant detail
to leave out.

He murdered her for it.
And our son.

You knew what would happen.

What I do to those who betray me.

It was a six years old boy.
He didn't betray anybody.

He just loved his parents.

I trusted you like a brother.

She didn't love you.

She was scared of you.

So you condemned her.

To a lifetime in hiding.


"How long will we have?"

- And for what?
- It was still the better life.

Is that what you tell yourself?

Would your son...

feel the same way?

Now, finally it's time
to put an end to your misery.

If you're gonna kill me, just do it.
Don't talk me to death.


Nobody kills him but me.

You'll loose, Kane.

You had his family killed because
you were scared and you're a coward.

Not helping.

You're the one
who's been hiding all of his life.

You're a pathetic little bully.

And too cared to face
the truth about himself,

that your wife chose
the better man!

- Just shut up!
- He'll always have beaten you,

and you know it. And that's
what make you so inadequate.

Just shut up!



The jewel is down there
with those snakes.

You'll be our guest.

We couldn't catch a lift
in your helicopter, could we?


He said he would
kill my parents.

It's over.

You can go home now.


Playing poker and the guy looks
at his cards again, that means...

He's going to fold or bluff.

'Cos he's got nothing.


This is my half of the finders fee.

Buy your dad a better boat.

Take care, kid.

The jewel and the Vishnu artifacts
await the Cambodian authorities.

I think it's gonna be
a very fruitful collaboration.

What about Clive? Is he happy
for me to keep chasing myths?

Now that I've given him the Egg.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're officially ungrounded.

Are you sure it's alright?

I thought you said
it might be dangerous.

No, it's fine. They're all good.

Well, get yourself on a plane.

Because you've got
a wedding to attend.

Yeah, I can't wait.

- I love you.
- I love you too.


Back on board?

Clive's number one girl again?

No, that'll always be Ella.

But we have license to roam.

So, good.

Was it worth it?

Have you ever heard the saying,
"When you set up for revenge,

dig two graves?"

Yes, Confucious.

The man knew what he
was talking about.

Actually the...
correct quotation is,

"Before you embark
on the journey of revenge..."

Sorry, I don't know why I do that.

Never give a sword
to a man who can't dance.

That's another one of his.

Word for word this time.

I'll bear it in mind.

I still owe you a
wedding present.

If that cauldron
is still bubbling,

I can always cook you
up some ecstasy.

Nothing chemical, thank you.

Silver spoons from the hotel?

All stolen?

What about found?

Because I just had
the greatest idea ever.

Of course it involves
a little detour home.

To a lake, in Russia.


We can find the Egg now!

I'm pretty sure
I remember where I threw it.

Let me buy you a beer.

I think you're going to need it.

- You've got it, haven't you?
- Got what?

The dias half of the map.

Aren't you supposed
to be getting married?

I don't know why
you put out with Edward.

Put your foot down.

I gave it to your partner.

- She's not my partner!
- Edward, this is Hooten.

I've heard a lot about you, Mr. Hooten.

Funny, she's never mentioned you.

- Are you crazy?
- Crazy enough to burn down your bar.

You do realise
I'm supposed to be getting married?

Good luck, Lady Alexandra.

Now go and marry
your knight in shining armor.

What the hell are you doing here?

- This isn't fair.
- I've got this.

Still we're all in one piece,
it could be worse.

It could also be better.