Home Economics (2021–…): Season 3, Episode 2 - Melatonin 10 Mg Tablets, $14.99 - full transcript

I'm so tired.

Yeah, being away really makes
you appreciate coming home.

I cannot wait to lay down
in our squeaky little bed.

I call dibs on the shower.

Oh, no.

Oh, what?

Oh, no.

You know, it's raining
in your apartment.

Hi.

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
*HOME ECONOMICS*

Season 03 Episode 02



So the water just came

from our upstairs neighbor,
Mrs. Ainsley.

She turned on the bathtub
and straight-up died...

Her hair blonde and moved.

- Where'd she move?
- Greece.

- Cool.
- Nice save.

Our landlord said
it should take a few weeks

to repair the damages.

Are you sure it's okay
we stay that long?

It's fine.
What's the point

of having a pad like this
if I can't share it?

And I'm leaving
later today anyway

for the annual
Windmount Teachers' Retreat

at resort in Sonoma.



Are we supposed
to feel bad for you?

That sounds awesome.

You know, it sounded bad
in my head,

but you're right.
It's actually pretty sweet.

Well, Kel and Shamiah
and Denise

will be having
an absolute blast

at the Ritz-Connor ton.

If you guys need anything
at all, just let me know.

- Oh, thank you.
- Thanks.

Actually, let... let Lupe know.

- Sure.
- Not me. Don't let me know.

I do feel bad imposing
on Lupe and your brother.

Don't. We do it all the time.

Yeah, but you're usually
here, too, imposing with me.

It's fine.
You're over thinking it.

Okay.

Oh, don't worry, Lupe,
we will be out of your hair.

You won't even notice us here.

We will not make a peep.

We're gonna be the
perfect guests...

Okay, she's already gone.

So, uh, are we on
for date night tonight?

Yes. It's been so long.

- Let's do something fun.
- Yeah.

Did we remember
to hire a babysitter?

- We did not.
- Oh.

Wanna open a bottle of wine
and pretend to watch a movie

- while we scroll on our phones?
- Oh. Hell yeah.

- It's time for your 11:00.
- Mm.

- What's your 11:00?
- You.

To talk about your book launch.

I'll see you in my office
in 30 seconds.

Clock's starting!

Have fun, Tom.

Mr. Hayworth
will see you now.

Okay.

Thanks for coming in, Tom.

What's with the...
What is this?

You like?

Now that I own
your publishing house,

I decided to "publisher up"
my vibe.

I got the glasses,
the cardigan, even the books.

Yeah, I see you organized
them by color.

As supposed to what?
By height?

Now, let's talk
launch strategy.

We got the release coming up.

Yeah. I'm so excited.

I can't believe
it's finally happening.

When should I sit down
with the marketing team?

You are!

I'm sorry, what?

Your old publishing company
wasted so much money

on some super expensive
marketing firm.

Who needs highly paid experts
when you got me?

I do.

I-I-I-I do.

Tom, half of my success
can be attributed

to sales and marketing.

You're looking at the guy

who turned
Rivio Global Holdings

into a household name.

- I've never heard of that.
- Don't worry, all right?

I've done a deep dive
into the book industry.

I've come up with a real plan.

"Home Economics:
Future Best-Seller."

Okay.

I've been poring
over first-week sales

of debut novels.

It's not my debut novel.

- Might as well be.
- Okay.

Now, phase one
of our marketing plan

is just one simple word.

- Buzz.
- Okay.

I was gonna say research.

Look at him go.

Did you animate that
yourself?

No, I paid a lot of money
for that thing.

Right.

Why does the kitchen smell
like a salad?

Well, I cleaned the counters
with vinegar.

It's eco-friendly
and non-toxic.

What a fun tip. Thanks.

You're welcome.
Just trying to help.

And that, Tom,

is what we
in the marketing circles

like to call a meme.

Yes. Thank you.
I know what a meme is.

Have you lined up
any interviews?

Glad you asked.

I got you on
a Buzz Blitz.

We're talking podcasts,
YouTube shows,

then we're gonna distribute
those clips on TikTok,

which is totally disrupting
the literary space right now.

We don't need
to disrupt anything.

I just need to sell books.

- That's what disrupting does.
- Okay.

Um, any TV shows or,
uh, magazine interviews?

Whoa, that's phase two.

Right now, we're tackling
phase one.

Just send out the manuscript.

Let the work speak for itself.

Your 11:30 is here.

Send her in.

Who else are you
meeting with?

My interior designer.

That's me. Hi, honey.

- What?
- Gretchen's been bugging me

about redecorating her room,
so I hired Marina.

It's my first gig.

Don't worry.

We shouldn't be more
than an hour.

But, uh, what about
book signings?

- I'll show you out.
- And PR?

Thank you so much
for asking me to do this.

I really wanna get
my design business going,

and this is gonna be
a huge help.

Yeah, of course.

You sure you have time
with your job at the firm?

Oh, yeah.
I am fully checked out at work.

- Love that.
- Okay.

So today I'm gonna take
a few measurements

and I will do
a few mock-ups.

All I need is your budget.

- For Gretchen?
- Mm-hmm.

Sky is the limit.

Oh, I love that for me.

Hey, you think you could have
this done by next weekend?

As in this coming weekend?

Yeah, she's gonna get back
from her mum's house.

I thought it'd be cool
to surprise her.

Oh,
that's a tight turnaround.

I have faith in you.

- Hmm.
- I will show you out.

So I checked out
those podcasts

Connor has me going on.

One was literally hosted
by a parrot.

Oh, that's great, honey.

- Marina.
- Hmm?

I'm sorry.

I'm just trying to finish
a brief for work

so that I have time
to focus on this redesign.

Why did I ever decide
to pursue my dreams?

Dreams are exhausting.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Did I forget something?

- Date night.
- Date night.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I've just been so busy.

Come on, me too.

I mean, can we just
do it next weekend?

That's what we said
last week.

What if we just do
the end of date night?

Hmm. I'm not really
in the mood for Maddow.

But, you know what?
I can get there.

Oh, the end-end?

Oh, big fan of the end-end.

Oh, let me get... sorry.

Oh, yeah.

Ahh.

Okay.

Sorry, I just took
a melatonin.

Here I go.
I took one too.

We just gotta rally.

Yup. Come on. Go time.

Heya, papi.

Oh.

- Yeah?
- Yes, yes, yes.

How does that feel?

- Marina?
- Hmm?

Tom, wake up.

I'm awake. I'm awake.

Should we lay down to do sex?

Oh, yeah.

Don't worry.

I'm... I'm still...

Awake.

- What happened?
- I'm awake.

Oh.

Oh, it's morning.

Next weekend?

Hells yeah.

Oh, how festive.

I hated the idea
of you doing our laundry,

- so I hand-washed everything.
- Uh-huh.

And then you hung it
from the rafters

like we're in a regional
production of "Annie"?

Oh, don't worry.
It's gonna dry in, like,

eight to ten hours.

Okay. Here's the deal.

I have created
a very careful system

to manage this house.

Oh, I get it.
We have a system at home too.

Oh.

Ours is more like a vibe.

While you are here, you need
to respect the system.

I wash the clothes
in the machine made for washing

and I dry them
in the machine made for drying.

Okay, but I was gonna save
some energy.

Or I could stick
to your system.

Good. Now I'm going
to take these down

before Connor gets tangled up
in your sports bras.

Well, let me do that.
I can throw it into the dryer.

Do you know
where the laundry room is?

Of course I do.

It's... upstairs or downstairs?

Is this downstairs?

Goodbye.

Okay.

I have a few ideas to show you
in my portfolio,

including the portfolio.
It's new.

Ooh, that is quite
a strong folio.

Okay.
Let's talk color palette.

There's too much pink
and purple.

I'm thinking cool neutrals
like this dove gray.

- Hmm.
- Modern with clean lines,

but still playful and inviting.

Hmm.

My overall goal
is to make the room feel fun

and perfect
for the modern pre-teen.

Hmm.

Any additional feedback?

I like it.
I definitely like it.

But do I like it?

Oh. Okay.

Um, well, it's important
that you do like it.

Yeah, you're my client,
and I wanna make you happy.

Perfect.
I love how easy this is.

Yeah.
Let me give it a rethink,

and I'll show you
some new ideas.

- Cool.
- Is there anything

from this first pass
that you would like to keep?

- From this first pass?
- Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

I did say I like the folio,
right?

You did.

And I meant it.

Sour Takes!

What up?
It's your boy, Derek Chen,

and you are watching
"Sour Takes."

Today we're with Tom.

He's the author
of a new novel,

"Home Economics."

Tom, tell us about your book.

Well, it's a story inspired
by my own family

and how we navigate
the three distinct economic...

Tom. Tom.
You gotta do that over again.

You gotta eat the lemon, man.

Right. The... lemon.

Yeah, that's why we sent you
all the food.

It's called "Sour Takes"
for a reason, dude.

Ah.

Whoa. Whoa!

All right.
Um, well, it's a story...

Yeah. Uh-huh.

It's a story that's
inspired... hmm, wow.

Spit it out, Tom.

Aly, I'm so hungover.

I swear I'm sweating mezcal.

Ugh, I woke up
in a downtown loft

in a unitard
and a feather boa.

Sorry, are we recording?

This is our intro.
We just talk about our nights.

- What'd you do?
- Oh, me?

Uh, same, you know?

- Ragin', crashin'.
- Nice.

Yeah, mostly raging.

What the hell?
Is that a baby?

Nope, that's two babies.

We got twins. Twins.

- Whoa.
- Ew.

- Please stop.
- I'm gonna vom.

Yeah, I get that.
I get that.

So at the end of the day,

this book is about
finding common ground...

Common ground.

Between siblings who struggle
with unique challenges.

- Unique challenges.
- Yup.

It's not just about
the siblings, right?

It's about...

Don't... slow down, Tom.
Don't choke.

You were up at 3:00 a.m.?

I was up at 3:00 a.m. too.

- Yeah, major blowout.
- That's kinda cool.

And then 5:00 a.m. again
popping bottles with the twins.

- It was sick.
- So sick.

No, I'm saying
I actually think

they were coming down
with something.

Gross.

Ultimately, each
of the siblings are grappling

with the concept
of what's fair.

Cookie? Cookie.

Cookie, over here. Good.

The parents also play
a pivotal role in the piece.

Whoo!

Tommy, boy,
are you still with us?

I'm good. Yeah.
My tongue's a little numb.

Has anyone ever died from this?

- You wanna take a break?
- Nah, I'm fine.

- What's the next question?
- When does the book come out?

Pass. Pass.

Whoo!

Connor, these interviews
are pointless

and incredibly demeaning.

I know, they've been great.

But we still don't have
anything TikTok worthy.

We need to give you
a blast of buzz.

I don't know
what a blast of buzz is

or, honestly,
what else I could even do.

Well, that's why you have me.

I got you an interview
with Ninja.

- Is that another parrot?
- Tom.

He's the number-one gamer
on Twitch.

- Ah.
- He has 17 million followers.

- This is a huge get.
- No, no, no, no, no. Come on.

- I suck at video games.
- I know.

It's like a weird
nerd blind spot for you.

But don't worry,
I've hired you a consultant.

What's up, Uncle T?

Were you just waiting outside
this whole time?

Uncle Connor wanted
to make it a surprise.

I love a good reveal.

Calvin's gonna help you out

so you don't
completely humiliate yourself.

But I get paid either way,
right?

- Yeah, yeah. For sure.
- Come on.

All right, you guys have fun.

I got an 11:00 a.m.
with your wife.

- What?
- Love you, Tom. Bye.

What time are
you gonna be back?

Okay, first of all...

what is
your energy drink situation?

Oh, boy.

So I wanted to show you
my new ideas

in the space,
and I put away some old things.

That way,
you could really visualize it.

I love these muted greens
and blues together.

Mm, wow.

And I got
this mid-century lamp.

It's one of a kind,

and I think
it's gonna give the room

a touch of sophistication.

Sophistication.

Oh, and for the accent wall,

do you prefer brushed sage
or ancient jade?

I don't like it.

- What?
- Sorry.

I think what I meant to say
was, um...

I hate it. Yeah.

Everything just feels wrong.

And I don't like it.

Okay, you already said that.

Yeah, maybe
this was just a mistake.

I mean, Gretchen's only gone
for a few days.

That's not enough time
for this much change.

- Hmm.
- It's my fault.

I'll still pay you
for your time.

No, please, don't.

I didn't do the job.

Maybe I'm not really cut out
for this, you know?

Marina, that's not true.

No, it's fine.
I get it.

But I am gonna take this lamp

because I love it

- and the lady, she...
- Oh.

She made it very clear
that it's not refundable.

So, Tom, I hear you got
this new book or something?

Yeah, Ninja, it's called
"Home Economics,"

and it's based on my family.

- So...
- It's X.

Sorry, hang on.

- Press X.
- I am pressing X.

Oh, that X.

Yeah, okay. Oh, great. Thanks.

Yeah, the story centers
on the financial differences

between the siblings...

Ah! Oh, my God!

Tom, man, you gonna
be okay there, bud?

No, it's all good.

This game's, like, different
from when I was growing up.

- But, yeah, so three siblings...
- Ha!

Ah! Oh, crap.

I'm sorry, that one,
it just felt like it was

coming right out at me.

Yeah, you know
they're not real, right?

Yes, thank you, Ninja.
I am aware of that.

I'm just a writer...

Ah!

This guy!

So Lupe doesn't want us
messing with her system.

But we can help
within her system.

- Fun.
- Yeah. -

So her schedule today
is packed.

Steam Connor's tank tops.

- Gross.
- Roll Connor's protein balls.

- Also gross.
- And then...

Window cleaning.

We'll do the windows
before Lupe gets in.

Do we get a say in this?

No.

Mum, the windows look worse
than when we started.

We're too deep into it now.

- There's no going back.
- But, Mum, it's everywhere.

Just keep scrubbing.

Maybe it'll look normal
when it dries.

Morning!

Hey, so we saw that today
was window day,

and we wanted to help
with your system,

so we used...

We used window cleaner
and sponges,

and we don't really know
what happened,

and we're very, very sorry.

Who's "we"?

Damn, they're fast.

Window day is the day

the professional
window cleaners

- come and clean the windows.
- Oh.

They use a special solution

since these have
a custom coating.

Of course rich people
have different windows.

What is wrong?
Why can't you let me do my job?

Because I feel bad you have
to clean up after people.

My job doesn't bother me.

But it sounds like
it bothers you.

- Hey, buzzy bee.
- Tom, you're early.

- Look, if I had to be...
- One sec.

Just gimme one second.

I didn't know you were
gonna be here so early.

I think my approach just...
Okay.

- I just... okay.
- Just give me one second.

All right, I'm ready.
Let's talk buzz.

No. No more buzz.

Twitch was a disaster.
Teenagers can be really cruel.

They said
I look like Kerri Strug.

- I see it.
- That's not the point.

Look, Tom, the point is,
it did numbers.

I mean, you're all over TikTok.

Why don't you just trust
that you know what I'm doing?

Oh, well,
I don't because you don't.

I can't believe I agreed
to all these cheap stunts.

This was a stupid plan.

You think the plan is stupid,
or you think I'm stupid?

I don't know, bro.
If the buzz blitz fits.

Go for Connor.

Hi, this is Becca.

I'm a producer with
"Live with Kelly and Ryan,"

calling about one
of your authors, Tom Hayward.

- That's a TV show.
- I know it's a TV show.

Are you calling
from the TV show?

I am.

We'd love Tom to come on
and talk about his book.

Kelly read
the first few chapters

and really took to it.

See? We just had to let
the book speak for itself.

Kelly's son
saw Tom's freakout on Twitch

and told his mum
that he was "cringe

in a funny way."

She only read the book
'cause I got you on Twitch.

Yeah, but come on.

That means nothing
without the writing.

Well, no one's reading
the writing without the buzz.

Um, do you guys think
you're on mute?

- No. No, we don't.
- No.

But if I could just say,
nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

- Hopefully we'll see you in the future.
- And why don't you shoot over the deets,

and we'll take it from there?

- We'll take it from there.
- Sounds good.

- Talk soon...
- Perf.

I'm gonna be
on "Kelly and Ryan"!

"Kelly and Ryan."

I can't believe
your stupid plan worked.

Well,
the stupid plan only worked

'cause you're stupid book's
so good.

Look, man, I appreciate
everything you've done.

I guess working with family
can be complicated.

Tell me about it.

I think I might have crossed
some serious boundaries

with your wife.

Wait, what?

I just gave it to her.

I mean,
I really let her have it.

You're talking
about the redesign, right?

Oh, in my daughter's room,
of all places.

I should go upstairs
and talk to her.

- She's probably still hurting.
- Wait, she's here right now?

Connor,
what the hell is going on?

- Hey.
- Hey.

Thought I would put the room
back the way it was.

Hey, um...

Sorry I was so harsh
the other day.

It's fine.
You were just being honest.

For a while,
Gretchen couldn't choose

between pink and purple
as her favorite.

She insisted that everything
be both colors.

That's cute.

Oh, that's Carrots.

Gretch wouldn't go to preschool
without Carrots.

I guess she doesn't need him
anymore.

Connor,
do you think that maybe

you didn't want
to change Gretchen's room

because it reminds you
she's growing up?

I don't know, I just...

When I saw the room
you designed,

it looked like a room
for someone older.

But she is older.

She told me last week

she doesn't even like
purple anymore.

Yeah, it goes by so fast.

Camilla used to call me Mami,
and then Mum,

and now it's Mother,
which feels like an attack.

Oof.

At least your twins
are still little.

I always imagined
having more kids.

Connor, you know,
Gretchen may be growing up,

but she's still
your little girl.

You know,
now that I think about it,

- I'm feeling the ancient jade.
- What?

For the accent wall.
Still want the job?

I would really like that.

I was just wondering
if I could...

You can keep the lamp.

Thank you.
I love it so much.

Hey, Lupe.

About earlier, I just wanted
to apologize for what I said.

I think I got caught up
in trying to help

because
I just didn't want to...

- exploit you.
- Exploit me?

I'm pretty sure
I make more money than you.

Well, we don't have to get
into numbers.

Yeah, I wouldn't want
to make you feel bad.

Connor even set me up
with a 401k

and a SEP IRA
with matching benefits.

Wow. And those
are two different things?

Look, Denise,
my job is not glamorous,

but I enjoy making
Connor and Gretchen

and the whole family feel
at home.

Thank you, Lupe.

So you'll stop trying
to help?

Yes. For the next few weeks,
I will literally do nothing.

Good.

How about I make you
a cocktail?

Yes... and I will not help
with that.

Hang on a second.

Did you say you're staying
a few weeks?

Yeah, landlord said
up to a month.

I'll make two.

Okay, Lupe, hit record.

I wanna get the big reveal.

You ready?

Wow.

I love it.

The bed and the painting
and the wallpaper.

Oh, my gosh. I love it.

- Thank you so much, Aunt Marina.
- Oh.

Thank you.

Aw, you kept Carrots.

Well, you know, just trying
to keep my clients happy.

I friggin' nailed this!

To your first
satisfied clients.

To your upcoming
TV appearance.

Well, I don't think either
of us have taken any melatonin.

Not a milligram.

Oh, good ambience, honey.

- Did the twins help you do it?
- Shh, you're ruining this.

You're getting me so hot.

Hi!

Uh-oh.
They are not great houseguests.

Subtitles
Synchronized by srjanapala