Hit-Monkey (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Episode #1.6 - full transcript

Oh my god.

The war between the Yokahama
and Ozu campaigns continues,

with the Yokahama camp
now openly accusing Counselor Ozu

of being connected
to the assassination of Ken Takahara.

Hey.

I was watching that.

You know, I can't remember
the last day I had off.

Jesus.

How'd we go from killing people
to being in a yogurt commercial?

It's gross seeing you
get this soft.

Now let's make sure
you don't get dirty!



Exactly.

Who the hell is this?

We need to talk.

Sorry to show up uninvited,

but your uncle's a tough man
to schedule time with.

I tried to give you a call,

but we've apprehended the prime suspect
in Ken Takahara's murder.

Wait, you've arrested
Counselor Ozu?

What? Ozu?

N-no.

He's a Yakuza boss
who goes by the name "The Rooster."

He's the only person with direct ties
to every other suspect.

Hey! He's talking
about our guy!

We booked him, but we have
no way to hold him.



What do you mean
you can't hold him?

Because he's connected.

No judge is gonna
take the case.

No prosecutor is going
to risk their career going after him.

The Rooster has blackmail
on every politician in Tokyo.

We can't even
hold him for 24 hours.

They're releasing him
this morning.

- This morning?
This is outrageous.

Amazing what a few hundred
well-placed Polaroids can do for you.

So that's it? You got the guy,
but he can't be prosecuted?

How convenient.

Has anybody even looked
into whether he's connected to Ozu?

I wouldn't put it past him
to hire Yakuza to do his dirty work.

I'm sorry, Miss Yokohama,

but there's no evidence
to prove that.

According to who?

Well, uh,
according to our sources

and police work.

Guess that's-that's
a joke, right?

The bottom line is that
we're just as frustrated as you are.

They're releasing him?

Oh, bud,
this could be good for us!

Hey! Get out of here, cat!

Shoo! Shoo! Scram!

Well, that explains
my allergies.

- Bradley! Come on.
Get away from there!

Aww, what a sweet cat.

I wasn't able to bring mine
when I moved to Tokyo.

Uh, he doesn't like
getting picked up!

Oh, uh, okay.

Sor... I'm sorry, I'm...

But I'm gonna have
to ask you to leave.

I have a very busy day
and I just...

Okay?

- Absolutely, Miss Yokohama.
- What?

We realize
the stress you're under

and want to let you know
the Tokyo PD

Is doing the best it can.

You know, it's a shame
the police have become so ineffective.

You almost wish there was somebody
who could clean things up in this town.

Have a nice day, ma'am.

Monkey?

She's hiding something. I know it.

She's a politician.

They're all hiding something.

You're just jealous of her house
and that fat-ass cat.

That's a cute cat.

And Akiko is
an entitled princess

pretending to be
some champion of the people.

And you let her just
push us around.

Haruka, you don't want
her kind of trouble. Trust me.

Come on. You really think
she's connected to The Rooster?

To all of this?

I'm sorry, how could you
be confused by this?

It's like criminal chain
of command 101.

The Rooster hired
the Accountant,

who paid the Old Fish Lady,

who got her tacky-ass twins
to leverage the army guy to,

and-and this is the important part
that I really want to,

you know,
just make sure you hear:

Send a bunch of assholes
to kill me.

Yeah, no, and kill
your entire family too.

So why don't we stop tanning
our assholes up here

and go kill the only guy
on this chart

who isn't already dead.

Uh... right, no. As soon as
the cops let him go.

Then we'll kill him.

Okay, so we've been following
The Rooster for weeks now,

and we know
he's the top, right?

That cop just confirmed it.

And the priest said
once we kill the top of the chain,

then I ascend.

Or evolve. Or, uh, turn into a big ball
of light or some shit.

I don't know, whatever.

Look, anyway,
what I'm trying to say is,

I-I think this might be
my last day on Earth.

Ooh. You know, I gotta admit,

I might actually miss this.

And yeah, at first I...
Well, I definitely hated you.

Well, I mean, I don't even like dogs,

so this was
a real challenge.

But, you know what,

it's been a heck
of a ride, man.

I guess what I'm trying
to say is, uh,

I'm happy I met you.
You know?

Though watching you
around women is truly nauseating.

I mean, you do not
play it cool, man.

You're as smooth
as sandpaper.

Oh hell, look at this guy.

He looks like if Roy Orbison had sex
with a bag of salt.

And yeah, no, I know
that's a reference

you'll never appreciate.

But do you understand
how frustrating it is

to waste all this gold
on someone who just learned

what a goddamn fork is?

I'm just saying that
if you plan on hanging out

with other humans
after I'm gone,

some basic knowledge
of pop culture is gonna help.

I mean,
killing people is dope

but so is knowing
who Tom Petty is.

Who's Tom Petty?

I mean, he's like if, uh...
if weed was a person. You know?

Wa-wait. I forget. Have we
talked about weed yet?

Come on, faster, old man.

I'm in a hurry.

I cannot.

Otherwise,
you might get nicked.

Oh, goddammit!

Oh wow.

See, now, this is why I always tell them
to use the clippers.

Alright. Off I go.

Up, up, and away.

Should be
any minute now.

Uh...

Maybe it takes an hour?

I-I mean, logistically
that makes sense, right?

It's a really, really far way
to go, so...

It should take a while.

I-I think it'd be crazy
actually if it didn't.

You know what, maybe it's like
the DMV up there.

They gotta be backed up.

So. Wait, maybe they give you
this time to reflect and shit.

You know? What if
this is like confession?

What are you look...
Holy shit!

Is that a ghost?
Can he hear me? Can he...

Hello!

That prick had a double!

Of course!

I knew
it was too easy!

This is the guy
we're supposed to kill!

Sneaky shit!

Okay, maybe this time,
go for the head, huh?

Okay, shit. Shit. There's, uh,
so much more to say.

I'll make it quick.
Alright: Take care of yourself, man.

Make a good life, okay.

Okay, now take a shot!

There we go.

Bullseye!

Dude, you've really gotten
good at this.

Ah, shit! What else, what else.

Um, you know, you're gonna wanna
eat your vegetables, say your prayers.

Uh, let's see,
uh, drink more water!

Somebody told me that.
I-I can't remember who,

it was probably bullshit,
but it might not be.

You know?
It probably can't hurt!

Um. Okay, finish him off.

I am this close
to retirement!

Run! Brothers. Run away!

- Run away!
- Oh god!

Nothing's ever simple.

When I found out
who was driving that van,

I made sure the person was held
accountable for their actions.

Even though it had nothing
to do with me!

And yet, here we have
my opponent

refusing to fire his niece

after the wild accusations
she made against me.

But what else would you expect

from the same people
who support a cop killer!

I'm turning this garbage off.

I told you something like this
was going to happen.

We've given him ammunition,

of course he's going
to use it against us.

I'm not letting that crook control
the narrative of this campaign!

I got this.

Come on. Monkey, we gotta make sure
we get all of them!

If we miss even one,
I could be here forever.

And-and I don't think
you want that, do you?

I mean, just shoot
the slow one at least.

They don't pay us enough
for this crap!

Ohh! Ooh!

Oh my god.

Okay, alright,
bye for real this time.

And, uh,
say a prayer for me.

I mean, I'm not religious,
but might as well hedge my bets, right?

Should be coming to get me
any second now.

Goddammit!

Did that not count
'cause it wasn't us?

I better not get stuck here
on a technicality.

We probably should've asked
that damn priest more questions

about how
this whole thing works.

Wonder if we can Google it.

Oh god, the monkey!

Run!

Run!

Okay, here we go!

I got a good feeling
about this one.

Never thought I'd be enlightened
in a public bathroom,

but here we are.

Aw, come on, man,
just shoot all the stalls!

You know?
Boom, boom, boom.

Spend the bullets,
save the time, right?

Oh man, I wish
I had more time.

You know,
I used to draw a lot.

It was my passion as a kid.
I was pretty decent, too.

I once drew a bowl of fruit
you could have eaten out of.

You know, sometimes I wonder
how many people would still be alive

if I'd chosen
to draw fruit instead.

No, no, no, Monkey.

Wa-wa-wait, wait.
I've seen the news.

You only kill killers.

I'm no killer.
Look at me.

I'm an actor.

Oh boy, oh boy.

You're looking
for the short one.

The short one is
the real Rooster.

I have children.

Please. Let me go.

Wait.

Okay. Here we go.

This has got
to be the last one.

Before you do anything,

know that you'd be making
a big mistake killing me.

You see this?

I have information
on everybody!

The answer you're looking for
is in this box.

What the hell?

Was that you?

See! I told you this was
the real dude. They're all after him!

I never said anything,
asshole!

- I don't care!
The boss wants you dead!

Shit! Aw, shit, shit, shit!

Don't let them get the kill!
The last bullet wins!

Oh, son of a bitch, maybe I need
to confess to ascend.

Uh, okay, what am I leaving out?

Oh, okay! I was in love
with a man once!

I never told him how I felt!

Not a month goes by
that I don't think of him.

Okay, point is,
never leave things unsaid!

You can still see me,
can't you?

Aw, shit!

What about now?

Like, am I starting
to disappear?

You know, maybe I'm down
at 90 percent?

Shit!

Alright, let's go.

Well, that's three less scumbags
we have to worry about.

At least this monkey takes out
the bad guys.

I'll give him that.

Jesus.

Leave it to you to blur the lines
between what's right

and what's wrong.

You know, you've been busting
my balls all morning.

If you have something to accuse me of,
just come out and say it.

Okay.

Your idea of police work
and mine are pretty different.

You steal evidence,

you root for a vigilante,

and you still haven't explained
about your past.

If I can't trust my partner,

then I can't do my job.

That's just how I'm built.

You want the truth?

Fine.

Let's finish this up
and go get a coffee.

Haruka, what you
don't understand is that

Tokyo was even more corrupt
back then.

Everybody, I mean everybody,
was on the take.

It was the only way
you could get anything done.

Hell, probably the same now,
but just not so overt.

Anyway, new mayor,
young DA,

they decided
to make an example.

My first partner and I
got caught up in a sting

for doing nothing different
than anyone else.

But they threw
the book at us.

My partner had a young child,
was newly married,

and I was single.

So I took the rap
for both of us.

They gave me suspension.
Demoted me.

Marked my record forever.

What about your partner?

- He's doing fine.
- But who was it?

It's not important.

He was a shitty partner.

Unlike Hiroshi.

Unlike you.

Masta, another whiskey.

Make that two whiskeys.

- You feel tired?
Tell me about it.

I'm so raw right now,
I'm a nub.

Now you wanna go
to the bank?

Why?
That's off-mission.

That guy was going to say anything
to get you not to shoot him.

"Ooh, Monkey, the secret
to everything is in this box."

What the hell
does that even mean?

Do you have any idea
how emotionally taxing

this day has been for me?

So no, I don't want to go
on your little scavenger hunt, okay.

It's a fool's errand.

Besides, how would we
even get in there?

You killed every double
that could possibly walk us into the...

How far do you think he got?

- Oh, come on.
I thought we were good!

Yeah, well,
we lied, dipshit.

Hey! W-What's this? A key?

I've never seen it before.

This day is never going to end.

Fine, fine!

Can I at least finish
my noodles?

Play it cool, play it cool.

Security guards are cool.

Everybody's cool.

I'm cool.

You know, Monkey, I actually have
something I want to say real quick, okay.

I feel like I've done a lot
of personal growth today,

and you've given me zero.

So I am done
opening up to you.

You're clearly
not mature enough.

Nothing?

You don't have anything
you wanna say to me?

And your silence
has spoken volumes.

I read you loud
and clear, pal.

Okay, fine! Then I guess
we're just doing a bank heist!

God forbid we make
a human connection here.

I think
that went pretty smoothly! Don't you?

Whoopsie-daisy.

- Oh, Jesus.
Look at this guy.

He can't even hold on to the key
with those greasy little sausages

he calls fingers.

I congratulate you, Monkey.

You have managed to accomplish
what the police,

the Yakuza, and all
the most powerful people in Japan

failed to.

Unfortunately, this key
is worthless.

You think I would trust
one of those morons

with something so valuable.

I believe

you're looking
for this one.

Wait.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on here!

Did you actually believe

you could outsmart
someone like me?

Holy shit!

Toilet Rooster is
the real Rooster!

Buddy, you were right
about the box!

I'm really getting
out of here!

You stupid animal!

- Uh, okay, okay, okay.
This is it.

Oh shit,
uh, my last moments on Earth,

or whatever this is.

There's so much
I need you to do...

Okay, I've got a daughter!

You've got to find her!

And you gotta make her understand

that I loved her!

Alright?
And-and-and,

and don't let her marry someone
like me, 'cause that happens!

And I don't even wanna think
about what kind

of daddy issues she's dealing with! So...

Okay, uh, listen, there's some money
in a bank that I want you to give her!

I-I... you gotta hire
a lawyer, too,

'cause I never got around
to doing a will,

so you're going to have
to be the executor.

I don't... I-I-I don't want her
to spend it all when she's 21!

Make her go to college!

I-I never had a son.

But if I did, I'd want him
to be just like you!

Also, I love you!

- Damn it.
- I really do.

Would you just
die already!

Okay. Goodbye forever,
my furry little friend!

Augh, this isn't happening, is it?

Oh, I don't deserve peace.

I'm just gonna eat shit
for the rest of eternity.

Nothing ever comes easy for me.
Never has.

Why would death be any different?
I mean, the whole day was pointless.

And still the Monkey
says nothing.

No, fine. Of course.

No, no, no, no. Work-work-work
with you. That's all it is.

Well, I guess the only good thing
to come out this godforsaken day

is that we've now killed everyone
that's a threat

in the entire city of Tokyo.

So we can just stroll back
to your girlfriend's house

and eat persimmons.

For eternity!

Hey. It's me.

The Rooster is dead.

This has gone on too long.

You could not cauterize
the wound,

and now this monkey
has the box.

Since it's evident none of you
can handle the task at hand,

I've called someone
who can.

A fixer.

A precise instrument.

Who do you think he called?

Attention, all crew and passengers,

please prepare for landing.

Thank you.

I'm so sorry, ma'am,

but we're going to need you
to put your tray table up for landing.

I can help you with those bottles
if you like.

I am so sorry, ma'am,

but it looks like your room
won't be ready for another hour.

Please feel free to have
a complimentary drink at the bar.

Wow.

You must really like tomatoes.

Hah. Let me guess.

Long day?

Let me buy you another.