Hit-Monkey (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - Episode #1.7 - full transcript

Good morning!

Who wants breakfast?

Hi. Hi!

Oh, who's hungry?

Hi, hi.

Morning, troops!
Breakfast ti...

Ah!

Look,
the list is absurd, okay.

It started with a, um,
a psychotic Fish Lady

and just got crazier
from there, right? Okay?

You know, we had the, um,
there was the Marlon Brando wannabe



in the bottom
of the prison, right?

And uh, uh, yeah, the General,
the Fish Lady's kids,

the weird rockabillies.

Oh-oh, hey, come on,
what about the Poacher?

And oh, let's not forget
about The Rooster, right?

And his 50 goddamn doubles.

Look. Point is, you said

if we "ripped the seeds
of evil from the ground,"

I get to ascend. Alright?

That's your words!

Well, all is ripped
and yet here I am, man,

still stuck in monkey purgatory!

Will you please stop snacking?

Oh, for shit's sake,
will you say something?



Come.

Oh yay. A garden tour.

Hey, look, there's a hedge.
Ooh, ooh, and another hedge.

Oh my god,
there are some rocks.

Oh-ho, wow.
I mean, so round.

You know,
I love looking at rocks

and not getting answers
to my questio...

Oof!

What the hell?

Hey. Hey, guys.
Guys, I think the garden is broken.

Ow! What the shit?

Salt.

Shinto use it
to ward off demons.

Uh, I-I'm sorry, what is this,
some sorta weird test?

Ah, shit!

Oh, that's not a test!

That's right.

Demons are talkative,
arrogant, and entitled.

But in his case,
he may just be American.

Hard to tell.

- Hey! Damn it!
Hey, Monkey, come on,

lend me a... a paw!

Actually, hold on. Uh, hold...
Hold that thought...

Either way,
he is beholden to you,

not the other way around.

Yes. It is you
who must lead the way.

But be wary, for you travel
the same path

yet risk walking alone.

Now here, have a cracker.

Augh, Okay, good.

Oh wow. Peaks and valleys.

Chopsticks, nails, toothpicks.

Looks like our suspect has a thing
for everyday household items.

Took his time
with each one, too.

Poor bastards.

You think it's connected
to our Monkey?

Hmm. Hard to see how it
couldn't be.

Oh, gross. Ew.

What you got there?

- It's...
- Persimmons.

They used to take one bite,
then toss the rest.

It used
to drive me crazy.

Haruka,

what is it?

I've seen this before.

Hey, never trust a man
in a robe, alright?

Oh god.

Oh, I hope
I don't need those.

No...

What are you...
What are you looking at? What...

Oh.

A target with two rings.

I-I know that calling card.

Hey, Monkey, we gotta go.

I'll explain on the way.
Come on.

We gotta go get
our guns, now!

Yeah, Let's make sure
we canvass Sanchomé

and get 50 more posters printed.

Now, the tag should read,

"In Shinji We Trust."

Not "In Shinji We Thrust."

No, no, it said "Thrust."

Just make it right.

Gentlemen?

Hello?

Guys?

I'm sorry.
Did you say "fired"?

Donors are threatening
to pull funding if I don't do this.

- I can fix this.
- We're down six points.

That's just a temporary...

And Ozu is up ten
on trustworthiness.

Accusing Ozu of Ken's death
is one thing,

but defending
some murderous monkey?

Did you even think
about how that would make us look?

At Ken's funeral,
that monkey saved my life,

and yours.

How can you be so sure?

He was carrying a gun,
wasn't he?

How do you know he wasn't there
to kill someone?

Another hit
on his damn list.

Uncle, please.

I'm sorry, Akiko.

It's already done.

Okay, so look,
there were only two things

that scared me in this world
when I was alive.

One: Ghosts, which is
pretty damn ironic right now.

The other one:
Lady Bullseye. Alright?

Dude, you have no idea, alright?

I-I mean, this isn't
the Poacher, okay.

Lady Bullseye is
on a different level.

She's, uh, Hannibal Lecter
and Rambo in super tight pants.

And she's gonna come after you,
and she's going to come after Akiko,

after this stupid cat.

I mean, she'll kill
the whole neighborhood, you know.

Just because she's in a bad mood.
I mean, or a good mood.

Doesn't matter.

Holy shit!

Shoot! Shoot! Shoot her!

Shoot her! That's her!

Oh my god!

What the hell is this?

- Monkey!
- Dude, we do not have time for this.

Explain.

Hey, she doesn't
speak Monkey, Monkey.

Oh my god, I don't know
what you're saying.

See what I mean?

It's guns like these
that killed Ken Takahara!

Actually it was a, uh,
modified Barrett M95,

but hey, who cares
about details, I'll be over here.

No worries.

I, I don't... I...

What?

Just stop!

I can't deal
with this right now.

Augh... I need you
to leave.

Hey, uh, Monkey, bud,
we got company.

Haruka, slow down.

We need a game plan.

A game plan?

If the monkey is there,
we arrest it.

I'm not so sure
that's the play here.

Oh my god,
you always want to wait!

Why can't we just go
in there and...

- Oh shit.
- Huh?

Hey there.

Oh, we are so screwed.

Bye-bye.

Get down!

Monkey!

Monkey! Monkey!

Hey, don't just lie there!
Let's go! Run!

Come on, man, get up!

Run!

Not towards the danger!

Hey-hey, listen, if we keep
that psychopath here,

anything that isn't dead yet
will be.

So if you want
to save Akiko,

you gotta get
the hell outta here!

Monkey!

Is this really
what my career has come to?

Killing circus animals?

But that's why I gotta remind myself
why I got into this business.

Because I genuinely love
to torture.

Freeze!

On the ground.

Now.

Aw, aren't you cute?

Bye now.

Ha!

Haruka!

No!

No, no, no! Ito-san!

Oh my, such heroic passion,

such futility.

Great, okay,
you got her attention.

Can we run now, please?

If you stop now,

I'll make it quick
and painless,

I promise!

- Nope. Don't believe her!
She's lying!

Well, sometimes you misunderstand
people's intentions!

- Okay, hang right! Hang right here!
Right, right, right, no.

I said right!

Ah!

Are you kidding me?

Oh-ho sick! I mean,
I taught you that, right?

Dumb question!
Of course I did!

Ohh! That was
way too close, okay.

Hey, hey, listen, listen, I know
it was hard leaving Akiko back there,

but you did the right thing.

Alright? This psychopath is after you.

And-and when you have
something to lose,

people will always target that.

Trust me.

Also, what is with you today?

'Cause I am missing that, uh,
the rhythm we usually have.

You know? Like where I give you orders
and you follow them?

I mean, 'cause, you know, right now
it-it-it's like you're doing

the exact opposite
of everything I say.

And it's starting
to hurt my feelings,

if I'm being honest.

Hey!

You didn't think
this was over, did you?

Normally, I respect perseverance,

but this is just
downright stalkerish.

Holy shit!

Okay, okay, go for the wires!

No, not that way!

Don't jump into her line of sight!
Are you kidding me?

Argh!

Hey, congrats!

A hundred and fifty years
of bad luck, ya dipshit!

Manzo. Where the hell are you?

Those balloons were supposed
to be delivered two hours ago.

You're ruining their birthday!

Yes, sir!

I appreciate you giving me
this chance to start my life over.

I don't care!

Don't make me regret
hiring you.

Yes, sir!

- Don't you worry, sir!
You can always trust Ma...

Argh!

Ha ha! Ooh, oh shit!

Son of a...

Phew, I thought we lost you there.

Please God, let me die.

Not today, my friend.

Not today.

Hey, over here!

I found another one!

Oh my god.

Do not touch me.

No, no, no. Shh.

Don't try to talk, Ito-san.

It's okay. It's okay.

I'm right here.

Hurry!

- Come on, buddy.
Come on. Get up.

Get up.

Hey, you gotta fight it, okay.

Look, I-I know I told you
I saw a light

at the end of the tunnel
but the truth is,

it was pitch black.

Okay? Like I was, um,

like I was floating
in nothingness. Okay?

Then I saw your face,

and so I reached out to you.

And if you're there now,
you gotta fight it.

Okay? Just come back.

Look, I-I know
I've been hard on you, man,

but-but the truth is,

you're the only real friend
I've ever had,

so if you can...

You just can't leave me here alone.

Okay? Please. Please.

Oh, thank God.

Are you okay?

Akiko?

You...

Did you not hear what I...

Uh, yeah, no, she's fine.

But I... I'm sure of it.

No, There were sirens...

Hey, hey, hey. Hey. Hey.
Where you going, bud?

You're, like, half drowned.

You wanna just take
a breather for a second?

Authorities are investigating
the monkey's involvement

in the explosion earlier today

at the home
of Councilor Yokohama's niece,

Akiko Yokohama.

Police have issued
a warning urging citizens

to avoid contact
with the monkey

and if sighted,
to call them immediately.

Oh God.

The last time I was
in this hospital

was to say goodbye
to your parents.

I promised them
I would protect you,

and now...

I'm so sorry.

Just tell me
how to fix this.

Please.

You can re-hire me.

Akiko.

You're alright!

Seriously,

you barely know
how to use your phone.

You'd have to take a pay cut.

I was getting paid?

Excuse me, sir,
you are needed.

I know he might have seemed
like a slouch,

but he was a good cop.

Rest easy, old partner.

Partner?

Oh.

He told you.

Detective.

Where are you going?

Of course.

Hey, buddy, um,

look, I don't want to cut this short,
but you're all over the news right now.

You know?
We, uh, we just can't stay here.

You know, if I had, uh,

known that killing Takahara
would lead to all this, uh... death,

I-I... Well, I probably
wouldn't have taken the job.

Anyway, um...
man, I hate hospitals.

You know? Like, I mean,
what is that smell?

You know? It's like,
is somebody burning eggs or something?

Like, even the lighting is nauseating.

You know, anyway, like I said, I, um,

I wouldn't have taken the job.

I mean, I'm-I'm dead because of it,

so, you know, really in many ways
I've suffered the most.

It's, uh...

So, hey,

what you think, huh?

You hungry?

I don't know about you, bud,
but I think we've earned ourselves

a little R&R, huh?

What should we do?
Where do we wanna go? Huh?

Hey, you know, I know a beach
in Thailand where anything goes.

Yeah?

You know? Or Macau.

We could go to Macau.
Though I am banned from the Lisboa.

That's a long story.
Fun story, but a long one.

Oh! Hey! Goa's, you know, pretty fun
this time of year, too.

Ain't nothing can't be cured
by margaritas, sunshine,

and a few more margaritas!

You know?

\What do you think, huh?
Are you a salt-on-the-rim kinda monkey?

This is absurd!

We've completely lost
all rule of law!

You mean the rule of law
that only benefits the wealthy?

Oh, come on!

I'm talking about a monkey
going on a killing spree!

Yeah, a monkey
that's cleaning up the corruption

our government has sanctioned
for far too long!

Oh my god,
you can't be serious right now.

I-I am serious!

I'm not afraid
to tell the truth.

Wow. Really? Okay.

We survived this whole ordeal
and you want to risk your life again

with a meal here?

Oh, Akiko house-broke you, huh?

Glad I missed that part.

Oh man. I love these things.

You're in for a real treat, buddy.

Your butthole's gonna get
a workout: See this button...

What the... Dude?

Wha... A demon?

No, no, no, no,
I'm not a demon!

What the hell are you
talking about?

I'm sorry, ruined your life?

No. No, no, no, no.

You think I asked to be turned into
some dumb-ass monkey's ghost pet?

Okay, I didn't mean that!
I didn't mean it.

Okay, hey, come on, man.
Look how far we've come!

I can fix this!

Wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait!

Come back!

Monkey, I'm sorry!

Monkey!