High Maintenance (2016–…): Season 4, Episode 2 - Trick - full transcript

What?

You know the drill.
It's just gonna take a second.

It's just one second.

Really?

-Hey.
-Hey.

-So sorry I'm late, man.
It's been very nuts. -That's okay.

Oh, do you mind
if I bring my dog?

-She's a sweet potato.
-Uh, yeah, that's fine.

Okay, cool. Thank you.

-It's, uh, shoes off, right?
-Yeah. Thanks.

-Oh, jeez. Sorry! I'm so sorry.
-No, no, no. It's fine.



-Can I use your bathroom?
-Uh, yeah. Do you remember...?

-It's this way, right?
-Just... Yeah, on the left.

-Sorry. I'm a mess today, man.
-It's all right.

-Dealer's choice.
-All right.

That's me. Your choice.

Hey. Fomo, shush.

-Hey, shush.
-Um...

-OG Kush? -Yeah, that...
up, right here.

-Oh. It's all up front.
-Here you go.

I will... that's fine.

Um, yeah, and I'll take
one of these.

-Sativa?
-Mm-hmm.

Okay.

You're good, man.



-Thank you very much.
-Thank you.

Fomo!

Fuck, man.
I'm so sorry.

Oh. You know, um,
it's okay.

No, it's not okay.
Here's a tiny refund.

Fomo, what are you doin'?

This is a shoes-off house.

-Hey.
-Uh, hey.

Um...

-Oh, would you mind taking
your shoes off? -Totally.

Thanks.

You can just
put them right here.

I got it. Uh, so,
where are you comin...

-Could I use your bathroom?
-Sure. It's right down here.

-I'm over on Irving.
-Oh. So that's pretty close.

Oh. Word. Thanks.

Yeah. Uh,
that's for you too.

Thank you.
Cool. Cool. Cool.

Thanks. Right on.

Uh, you want a glass of wine,
or some of this?

Nah, I'm good.

-How old are you?
-I'm 35.

Oh, for real? I'm 33.

-Gah...
-What?

I'm usually going to Manhattan,

and the guys are always old
and married and white.

And you're like
my age and gay.

I'm assuming you're gay.

Yeah. I am.

Cool. Cool. Cool.
It's just buggin' me out a bit.

-Oh. -Do you go out around here?

I feel like I've seen you.

-Yeah. Is that okay?
-Yeah, yeah. Just...

give me a second.

Okay.

You know what?
Maybe I will hit that.

Oh. Here you go.

Where's your room?

Whoa. What's all this?

Uh, it's some protest in Paris.
My roommate's a photographer.

-He's not here, is he?
-No.

Do you...?

Are these, like,
your shades?

Oh, they filter blue light,
from screens.

I'm trying to get better
at falling asleep.

-Do they work?
-Eh...

I mean, I haven't seen
a difference, but, um...

They look better on you.

- Is this... my look?
- It might be.

Do you use
the site a lot?

I'm sorry.
Did you wanna get started?

-Or is it okay if we talk for a minute?
-No, yeah, we can talk.

Cool. Do you use
the... site a lot?

I wouldn't say a lot, but...
yeah, I-I use the site.

And why'd you go for me?
Like what are you looking for?

Nothing too crazy.

You know,
somethin' chill.

I like how you said you do
the whole boyfriend experience.

Do you always hire normal people
or do you ever go...

-the porn star route?
-I've done both.

Cool. Cool.

I'm kind of nervous now,

knowing porn stars
have been in here, like...

- "Get on me good..."
- No. Don't be.

'Cause they'd be...

Did they talk as much as me
or did they like just...

-Look, if you're uncomfortable and you
don't wanna do this... -No, no. Mmm!

-Does my breath... How... Is it okay?
-What?

I feel like
I have hungry breath.

Your place is...
is really clean.

It's, like, really clean.
I'm kind of scared.

No.
I mean, it's my roommate.

-Mm-hmm.
-Like, all this stuff is his.

Yeah.

-And he's not your boyfriend?
-Nah. No.

No, we're just roommates.

Okay.

Uh...

-Can we go to the bed?
-Mm-hmm.

Oh shit.

- Oh, shit.
- Yeah.

What do you want to do?

Kissing is nice. Mmm.

If you suck me,
I'll get hard.

Oh. Okay.

-Want me to fuck you, baby?
-Maybe. I...

Can, um...

Can we just lay here for a bit?

Sure.

Can you put your arm
around me?

-Yeah. Sorry.
-Yeah, that's good.

I'm sorry. Both arms?

Is that a buzz saw?

It sounds like it.

-It's one A.M.
-Mm-hmm.

-Is this okay?
-Mm-hmm.

You're not just
cuddling with me

'cause you don't know
how to kick me out?

No, no, no, no.

This is... This is great.
This is what I wanted.

-Good. I wanna make sure that you...
-Thank you.

...get what you want.

I'm kind of new at this.

Again?

Wow. That's disrespectful.

I didn't know this was
a construction zone.

Should've worn my vest,
and my hard hat...

Okay. Shh... shh...

I sat in paint.

Aw.

-Bye.
-Bye, there.

And you thought I
couldn't carry that precinct.

I'm man enough to
admit that I was wrong.

And I'm
woman enough to win.

Right?

And then I was thinking of saying,
like, everyone's finally gone.

I'm here.
Did you vote for me?

No. Don't tell me.
Is that right?

Great. And then you kiss.
Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.

Great. And where are
your hands going naturally

within the boundaries
that we talked about?

Um,
I was thinking here or here.

Depending on camera,
like that.

-This is, this is good.
-That's right.

-I'm ticklish.
-Okay. Yeah.

And you can keep it
in motion. Right?

-You can start finding
some comfortable... -Can we?

Absolutely you can. That's right.
This is the time.

Mm-hmm.

And we're jus...
That's great.

We're just here for
a couple of beats.

Right? And then how do we
wanna get to this desk?

Um. I was thinking
I could push or, uh...

uh, not push but maybe
guide her over...

Why don't I just pull you?

-Great. I like that.
-Right?

So she's still in control.

That's right. That's right.
This is her office.

Okay. And then there's
more kissing here.

Things are heating up.

The breath is going to change.
That's right.

And the shirt drops here.

-Uh-oh. Shirt drops here.
-Shirt drops here.

Pants are dropping here.

And I am already...
whip-ooh.

Blouse and bra
we're removing here.

'Cause I can do
a funny zipper...

But I don't want... It doesn't need
to be funny, actually, it's very...

-Stuck?
-Yeah.

Well, I don't know
'cause I'll be fully out...

Let's check in with our director
on this one. Okay?

Alan, what were you
envisioning for this moment?

- Mm...
- Any thoughts?

Oh my God, I love you.
I love you so much!

- What?!
- I love you so much!

Cut! That's a cut!

Covering.

Copy. Covering up.

- I know. I wonder what the sandwich
o'clock is today. - Oh yeah.

-Hi.
-Yeah. I saw.

-Chili.
-Chili?

-Mm-hmm. Beef.
-Oh, perfect. Yes.

That's exactly what I want

on a hot day where I'm
shooting a sex scene is chili.

- Mmm.
- Mmm. So good.

How are you feeling?

-Good. A little hot, but good.
-Good. Mm-hmm.

- How you feeling?
- Good. Thank you, Kym.

-Mm-hmm.
-What did we do before Kym?

Ah...

Really?

Hi, this is Kym,
the intimacy coordinator.

Hi, yeah. I just wanted
to check in about tomorrow.

So as you know,
your rider says,

there will be simulated
vaginal intercourse

from behind,
over a radiator...

I hear you, but that character
would never let you get on top.

But when you're on your back,
that high angle, your friend.

-Here you go.
-Oh. Thanks.

I gotcha, girl.

Just shift the body language
a tiny bit, that's right.

And this hand is gonna be
the discovering hand.

That's lovely.

You can lean in.
You close the distance.

Great. And the twist.

-Morning.
-Morning.

-Oh, uh. Wardrobe trailer?
-Right around the corner.

Thank you.

Yeah. No. I spoke
with Cristina.

Yup. And she is okay
to go topless.

Rolling. Quiet on set.

But, I, I... Hiyah!

Stop making a fool of yoursel.

Now, go to the market!

What? No. You already had two.
Put that back.

Oh, chocolate chip.
Looks good.

Good move.

Can't decide?

What?
I'm not even hungry.

I just feel like I'm
in the way anywhere else.

Do you have
high cholesterol?

-What?
-Uh, I...

Oh, um, yeah.
I don't know, um...

My-my mom got me this
for my birthday.

So maybe I do.

- I guess I should ask her.
- Yeah...

I just found out I have
high cholesterol.

-Oh no.
-Yeah. I was shocked.

So, you know. Ten hut!

What are you doin' on this?

Um, I'm doing
sleight of hand

in the background
of the fund-raiser scene.

-Huh!
-Yeah, it makes like no sense.

-Yeah.
-But, you know...

It sometimes doesn't.

-Yeah.
-And yet, here we are.

And Steven!

-You know Steven Universe?
-I love Steven Universe!

Oh my God. I do too.

My nephew got me into it,
and now I just watch it without him.

-Yes! I do too. -I watch it all the time!
It's the best!

My friends are so sick of me
telling them to watch it.

-And then they don't watch it.
-They don't deserve it.

-Thank you.
-You deserve better friends.

I agree.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

I'm Kym.

-Oh. Sorry. Evan. Hi.
-Hi.

Um...
So what-what do you do on this?

I'm the intimacy coordinator.

Wow, inti...

I didn't realize intimacy
could be coordinated.

Intimacy must be coordinated.

So how do you do it?

Boundaries. Boundaries.
Boundaries.

Do you do Seders?

Because my family could use
what you're offering.

Why? What's goin' on?
What's goin' on up in there?

Oh, just-just boundaries.
They don't-they don't have 'em.

And they're-they're, um...

They are angry
and they're sad

and I-I think they don't
respect me much at all.

I'm sorry.

What the hell.
What the hell!

What's not to respect
about you?

You know. I just...

I bounce around
to a lot of jobs,

and I think...
they don't like the magic.

Uh, the magic got you
a film career,

got you started in pictures.

--Did you,
uh, did you tell them that?

I-I think that was a,
maybe a one-time thing, but thank you.

So, what do you do when an actor's
uncomfortable with something?

They don't have to do it.

I get called in
for childbirth scenes,

and miscarriage scenes, um...

anything where an actor... where
they put an actor through it.

You know, because I have
a background in trauma therapy,

and coaching people
through PTSD.

Um... So, if it's
not good for you,

to have your breast touched,
or your butt touched

for whatever reason... for
whatever reason or for no reason...

and you don't have to tell me the
reason, then, uh... Guess what?

You don't have to have your breast
touched or your butt touched.

We will find another way
to tell the story.

Aah, man. I was right up
on that soap box, wasn't I?

-Sorry.
-No. Please, you're, um...

I bet people feel
really at ease with you.

Thank you.

- Whenever you guys are ready.
- Oh...

Uh... -We can...
Let's split it. -Okay.

But I will pay the tip
because I drank.

Oh.

Um, hey, um...

Think of a card.

Oh. All right.

-Yes. Mm-hmm.
-Got it?

-Mm-hmm.
-Now look under your glass.

No, no, no. Really?

I'm very excited.

And is that your card?

-Ah...
-It's not?

-I would like to be honest with you.
-No, it's okay.

-Dang it. It's okay. That's okay.
-It's not my card,

but I wish that
it was my card.

Still pretty cool that I got it under
there without you seeing it, right?

Yes!

Ta-da!

Here you go.

-Hey. Do you wanna keep hanging out?
-Yeah.

-Yeah?
-Yeah!

-Do you smoke weed?
-Yes, I do.

Do you wanna come back
to my place? Is that okay?

-Yeah. Okay. Sure.
-Okay.

-It's just over here.
-Okay.

Oh my God. Oh my God.
It's a nun.

I love a nun in New York.
Be cool.

Be cool.
Hello!

Good evening!

Great. Creeped out a nun.

Okay. Hmm...

Um... Oops, sorry.

-She was beautiful too.
-Yeah.

-But kind of young. Right?
-Mm-hmm.

-I'm just, uh, over here.
-Oh.

Should she have said
hello to me?

Was that a rude nun?

Maybe.

-All right, will you hold on to this?
-Yeah.

-Will you hold on to this?
-Yes.

Give them a tug.
They don't stretch.

-Very fierce.
-I wanted you to see the muscle.

-Solid.
-I was impressed.

-Here. Hold this.
-I may have over tugged.

That's okay. Watch.

Did you show me
this one already?

I don't know, man.
Here we go.

Give 'em a blow.

- Was that little?
- Give 'em a little blow.

More moist than I expected.

-That was, um, a whole cloud system.
-Watch. Here we go.

- Wait a minute.
- Even Steven!

-Holy shit.
-Wait a minute!

-Two.
-Uh-huh.

Three.

Equality.

Bring up the ends.

-Long.
-Jeez.

-Medium...
-Aah!

It defies this realm!

Sorry.

You made me scream.

You made me scream at her.

All right, man, well.
I gotta go home.

Gotta let out the dog.

- Have you always had a dog?
- No, I just got her.

-Oh my God.
-Fomo.

The dog's name is Fomo?

Or are you saying that
you wanna be with her right now?

No. She's... named
after my greatest fear.

You should name all your things
after your greatest fear.

-See you later, Kym.
-Bye!

-Hey. Your friend's cool.
-Oh yeah.

Cool. See ya later.

-Hey.
-What's up?

Aah!

-Watch your ass.
-Bastard.

I think I might
need your help, now.

- I'm calling a friend.
- How may I help you?

-See this area here,
where there's table? -Mm-hmm.

I need the pieces...

-Oh, instead of table. I see.
-Can you find those for me?

-Just give it a... Run it up a flagpole.
-I bet this is part of it.

Thank you. Oh, thank you
so much. Thank you.

Is this...

Is this what you do
with all the girls?

You... bring them
back here to puzzle?

You should know
that I'm asexual.

You are?

I should've told you earlier.

-I take it you're not?
-No. Nope.

Uh, little joke,
but, uh, I am.

How asexual?

-Are you...?
-Completely.

Oh.

-There's a spectrum.
-I know. I know.

I'm sorry. I...
I...

I thought that
we were on a date.

No... Yeah.

We are. I mean... I hope we are.

Yeah.

So you're not aromantic?

-So you know the... Uh-huh.
-Yeah.

Okay.
You know the words.

Um... uh...

No. I am not aromantic.

And I'm not a virgin,

technically,
but I do abstain...

and that's important to me.

- Is that okay?
- Oh, my God, yes.

I know...

Of course it's... Is it...?
Yes, it's okay.

Of course. Thank you.

Thank you... thank you for
sharing who you are with me.

I'm gonna go get another.
Do you want one of these?

Yeah.
That'd be great. Thank you.

-Okay.
-Thanks.

- Want a mint?
- Thank you, Kym.

Need anything? No?

Want a ChapStick?

Need a mint?
Need a ChapStick?

No?

Here you go.

Hi Kym.
Uh, I was just out walking,

doing, uh, my cholesterol
awareness campaign.

And look who I ran into.

Hi! This is Sister Gertrude.
We, uh...

Gertrude?
Will you say hi to Kym?

Hi Kym. Have a nice day.

And here's Sister Anne.

-Will you say hi?
-Hi Kym.

Hi, so that's just
a couple of nuns,

saying hi to you,
and me saying hi to you. Hi.

I Googled this convent
and waited outside it for a long time.

Okay. Bye.

-Hey. I'm sorry that I'm late.
I had to run by the bank. -That's okay.

-I gotta do one thing.
-Yeah.

-Hey.
-Hey.

You waited on us
the other night.

I'm so sorry.
I completely under-tipped you.

I, uh, I just did my math wrong
and I fucked it up.

So, um, this is yours.

Oh my God, thank you.
That is so sweet!

Oh no.
You're sweet. I'm sorry.

Let me buy you a drink.
I'll buy you a drink.

We're gonna wait...
We're gonna wait for a table.

Okay. Baby,
I'll get you then.

Thank you.

-Hi!
-Hi.

-Hi.
-Hi.

I'm so relieved.

I didn't... Ooh, just a little...
a little awkward.

That's okay.
I thought it was nice.

-Can I move this?
-Yeah, yeah.

Here you go.

Ooh.

-How was your day?
-Um...

-Should we?
-Uh, no. Sorry.

- I don't...
- Hi.

I don't...

-I don't know why I did that.
-It's okay.

-I'm sorry.
-It's okay.

-You came back.
-Let's sit down.

-I'm sorry, that...
-It's stupid.

Hey... -That's a line for you.
-Um...

It has been,

in the past, but, um...

Do you hug?

Not... typically.

Uh... but...

I wanna be respectful.

I like you a lot.

-I like you too.
-But I... But...

If you don't want...

Like I-I get it,
you know.

I-I understand if you...

I'm really lonely.

Sex has not been...

We're not gonna
get into this right now.

It's not been a great
part of my life.

But if...

If you can't hug me...

If you can't, um...
hold me or...

hold my hand...

I don't mean that
you have to do it now.

I can be patient.

I don...

Do you think that that's
something that you could do?

Never did that before.

- You okay?
- Yeah.

Mmm...

Well, maybe we should
eat at the bar.

Ah, okay.

This is a really crazy bathroom.