Hey Arnold! (1996–2004): Season 1, Episode 15 - Olga Comes Home/Sally's Comet - full transcript
When Helga's older sister, Olga, comes home from college and gets all of her parents' attention, Helga plots to sabotage her sister's visit. Arnold and Gerald save up cereal box tops to get a telescope before the arrival of Salley's Comet.
MAN: Here we go.
HELGA: Arnold.
(YOWLING)
(BARKING)
Hey, Arnold!
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(CRASHING)
(SCREAMS)
Hey, Arnold!
Arnold.
Arnold.
(SIREN WAILING)
Arnold.
Arnold.
Move it, football head!
ALL: Hey, Arnold!
(ABNER GRUNTING)
Abner, stop it.
Oh, Abner,
you're such a pig.
(GRUNTING)
Okay. Okay,
I'll get your breakfast.
Okay, it's coming.
What have we got
for you this morning?
Hmm, a little dog food,
some egg shells.
Hmm, a banana peel,
and to top it off
a very special treat.
(GRUNTING)
You know, boy,
you're more fun
than a hundred dogs
put together.
(YAWNS)
Well, I better
get some sleep.
Good night, Abner.
(GRUNTING)
(SNORING)
(SNARLS)
(LOW GROWL)
Here you go, Abner.
In. Out.
In. Out.
Out. Out. Out.
No, Abner, no!
(GRUNTING)
(MEOWING)
Abner?
Must be getting
a drink out of
the toilet again.
Abner?
Abner?
Abner?
Abner?
Abner!
Abner!
Abner!
Abner!
Abner!
Abner!
No!
Grandma, Grandpa,
Abner's gone.
Anyone for bacon?
Come on, you guys,
don't you understand?
He's gone.
He's run away.
Oh now,
don't get yourself
all in a snit.
Abner knows
his way back home.
It's instinct.
I don't know, Gramps,
pigs aren't dogs, you know.
They can't just
figure out how to
get home automatically.
It's like they've got
a big chunk of their brain
missing or something.
(GRUNTS)
Abner!
Abner!
Abner!
Abner!
Abner!
Abner!
What?
What?
Oh, leave me alone.
Well, he's about
this tall,
he's got pink skin
with little hairs
all over his body,
a big flat nose
and his tail is so curly,
when you pull it out,
it goes poing!
Hey!
GERALD: Hey, man,
how's the search going?
Not so good, Gerald.
I have tried everything
I can think of,
but I can't find
Abner anywhere.
Well, did you try
going down to the dump
and yelling, "Sooey!"
Come on, Gerald,
this is serious.
It is a scary world
out there.
I just hope he is okay.
I am sorry, Arnold.
He is probably okay.
I mean, come on,
how much trouble
can a pig get into?
Hey, Morty, we're
one pig skin short
of an order here.
MAN: Hey!
There is a live one!
(ABNER GRUNTING)
Get back here,
you football.
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
Hey there, short-man,
how's it going?
Not so good, Grandpa.
I just keep thinking
about Abner.
Oh yeah, me, too.
I wouldn't sit
on the chair, Grandpa,
it's pretty wobbly.
Oh, nonsense,
it's perfect.
See?
Why did he run away
from me, Grandpa?
He was my friend, my pal.
Why?
Well, boy, you can't force
animals to do what
you want them to do.
People neither
for that matter.
Except your
great Uncle Phil.
Oh, I could get him
to do anything.
Stand on his head,
suck his toes.
Of course,
he ran away, too.
Eventually.
Think Abner hasn't
come back because
he doesn't wanna be
my pet anymore?
No, I think Abner
hasn't come back
because he is...
Well, he is dumb.
He's a dumb pig.
But that is not the point.
The fact is,
he might never
come back.
And if he doesn't,
you gotta remember
all the good times
you had together,
not the bad.
You're right, Grandpa.
I'll always remember
the way he used to
roll around in the mud.
Oh, yeah.
The way he used to
knock over
the garbage cans.
The way he used to
eat egg shells
and coffee grounds...
Yes, I remember.
Hey, wait a minute.
That's it.
Egg shells.
Coffee grounds.
I know how to get
Abner to come back.
Grandpa, you're brilliant.
Brilliant.
(KISSES)
But I didn't...
Uh... Ah, kid's right.
Brilliant does
pretty much
describe me. Yeah.
(GROANS)
(WIND BLOWING)
(ABNER SNIFFING)
(OINKING)
It's not working, Arnold.
It's gotta work.
It's just gotta.
Well, it is not
and it is making me sick.
Hey, look!
(OINKING)
(NEIGHBORS CHEERING)
Abner! Abner!
It kind of brings
a tear to your eye.
No, that's just
the onions.
(BOTH SOBBING)
Abner, you're the best pig
a kid could ever have.
GRANDPA: Hey, Arnold.
Hey, Arnold.
What, Grandpa?
Listen, when you
finish that I need you
to do me a favor.
Okay.
Go down to the jewelry store
and give the man this receipt.
He'ill give you
my gold watch.
Had it cleaned.
Get it back here
in one piece and
you'll be a real hero.
You mean your
Schnitzenbauer Time Master 909
with a Swiss polar align
triple synchronous
movement escapement?
That's the one.
Wait a minute.
You never trust
anybody with
that watch, Grandpa.
Not even Grandma.
Well, short-man,
you're nine.
And as far as
I am concerned,
you are man enough
now to take responsibility
for its safekeeping.
I would go myself,
but you know
I got my stories
this afternoon.
You can count
on me, Grandpa.
That watch is
as good as home.
(BELL RINGS)
(WATCH TICKING)
Want to go down
to the river
and throw rocks?
I can't, Gerald, I gotta
get this watch back to
Grandpa as soon as possible.
Wait a minute.
You mean his
Schnitzenbauer Time Master 909
with a Swiss polar align
triple synchronous
movement escapement?
Yup.
Man, I didn't think
he'd trust anybody
with that thing.
It is my
sacred quest, Gerald.
And nothing is
going to stop me from
giving it back to him.
Nothing.
Hey, what is that
over there?
(EXPLOSION)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Man, that's one deep hole.
I bet it goes
all the way to China.
I bet your mother
dropped you
on your head.
It's like 8000
frequent flyer miles
to China, Pink Boy!
ALL: Wow!
Well, somebody
throw something in.
(SID SCREAMS)
I mean a rock.
(THUDS)
(SPLASHES)
Man, that's deep.
No!
Man, Arnold,
you just lost
your Grandpa's watch.
(LAUGHS)
See ya, Arnold.
HAROLD: Bye, Arnold.
KIDS: Oh brother...
(KIDS LAUGHING
AND CHATTERING)
Hey, what are
you doing, man?
I'm going down, Gerald.
What?
I got it, Gerald.
I told grandpa
I'll bring that watch
back to him.
I gotta go down
and get it.
Are you crazy?
Gerald, what could
possibly go wrong?
(RUMBLING)
(GERALD SCREAMING)
(BOTH SCREAMING)
Are you coming with me?
Okay.
But I am gonna
regret it.
GERALD: Man,
what died in here?
We should have bought
little pine trees
they have in
the taxicabs.
It has got to be
around here somewhere.
Arnold, what do you
say we go back?
I can't go back
without Grandpa's watch.
Hey, what's that?
(SQUEAKING)
Come on.
Oh man, this really stinks.
(GASPS)
(BOTH SCREAMING)
Ah, my lovely,
you've brought me
another trinket
from the world above.
Good rat. Faithful rat.
Now get out of here.
(RATS SQUEAKING)
I am Sam,
king of the sewers,
prince of the pipes,
Duke of the Depths.
Lord of all you see
before you.
I guess you got
last pick for
royal domain, huh?
You must be
weary travelers.
Welcome to my palace.
You shall be
my royal guests.
Arnold, this guy's
a major flake.
Tell me about it.
But look what
he's got
around his neck.
It looks like
your Grandpa's watch.
It is my Grandpa's watch.
Just play along, okay?
Listen, Your Highness,
I'm on this quest, see?
Quest, you say.
Royal quest?
Yeah, I'm looking
for a sacred relic.
It's round and shiny
and it looks
just like that.
What? But
this is a royal icon.
You cannot have
the royal icon.
It's royal
plus it's an icon.
Royal icon.
Uh, listen sewer king,
that actually is
my grandfather's watch
and we really
have to get it
back to him.
There is nothing
you could do
that would make me
want to give you
this watch.
Nothing!
Do you play chess?
(STUTTERS)
Chess. Uh, chess.
Are you kidding?
Oh, it's has been
so long since I've played
with another human.
Oh, sure the rats
will play
once in a while
but you can't
teach them en passant
or the Sicilian Defence.
And do they know
who Boris Spassky is?
No!
Okay. I'll play you
for the watch.
And if you lose?
If I lose,
you can keep the watch.
And you two shall
remain here
in my kingdom
as my subjects
and royal rat groomers.
ARNOLD: Deal.
Checkmate.
Best two out of three.
Checkmate.
SEWER KING:
Three out of five.
ARNOLD: Checkmate.
Eight out of fifteen?
Look, sewer king,
I've beaten you,
give me the watch.
(BOTH GRUNT)
Come on, man,
let's get out of here.
Come back here,
rebellious serfs,
come back!
(EVIL LAUGH)
(BOTH SCREAMING)
(BOTH PANTING)
GERALD: Arnold!
Look, there's a way out.
(BOTH SCREAMING)
GERALD: Let's go!
(STRAINING)
Oh, no! The light!
I can't!
Stop!
Well, I'm back.
Hey, short-man,
get the watch?
Sure did, Grandpa.
And you will be
proud to know that
it's in perfect condition.
Just like when
I picked it up
from the shop.
You did good, Arnold.
Oops!
Oh, criminy.
Sounds like it went
all the way to China.
(SOBBING)
I've lost it all.
I've lost
the royal icon.
The royal rat groomers.
I don't even know
what time it is.
The royal icon.
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
Oh well, always
got to have
a backup, Arnold.
(WATCHES TICKING)
Hey, where you goin'?
To take a long hard
look at my life.
Well, uh,
while you're there,
would you pick up
a quart of milk?
(MUSIC PLAYING)
HELGA: Arnold.
(YOWLING)
(BARKING)
Hey, Arnold!
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(CRASHING)
(SCREAMS)
Hey, Arnold!
Arnold.
Arnold.
(SIREN WAILING)
Arnold.
Arnold.
Move it, football head!
ALL: Hey, Arnold!
(ABNER GRUNTING)
Abner, stop it.
Oh, Abner,
you're such a pig.
(GRUNTING)
Okay. Okay,
I'll get your breakfast.
Okay, it's coming.
What have we got
for you this morning?
Hmm, a little dog food,
some egg shells.
Hmm, a banana peel,
and to top it off
a very special treat.
(GRUNTING)
You know, boy,
you're more fun
than a hundred dogs
put together.
(YAWNS)
Well, I better
get some sleep.
Good night, Abner.
(GRUNTING)
(SNORING)
(SNARLS)
(LOW GROWL)
Here you go, Abner.
In. Out.
In. Out.
Out. Out. Out.
No, Abner, no!
(GRUNTING)
(MEOWING)
Abner?
Must be getting
a drink out of
the toilet again.
Abner?
Abner?
Abner?
Abner?
Abner!
Abner!
Abner!
Abner!
Abner!
Abner!
No!
Grandma, Grandpa,
Abner's gone.
Anyone for bacon?
Come on, you guys,
don't you understand?
He's gone.
He's run away.
Oh now,
don't get yourself
all in a snit.
Abner knows
his way back home.
It's instinct.
I don't know, Gramps,
pigs aren't dogs, you know.
They can't just
figure out how to
get home automatically.
It's like they've got
a big chunk of their brain
missing or something.
(GRUNTS)
Abner!
Abner!
Abner!
Abner!
Abner!
Abner!
What?
What?
Oh, leave me alone.
Well, he's about
this tall,
he's got pink skin
with little hairs
all over his body,
a big flat nose
and his tail is so curly,
when you pull it out,
it goes poing!
Hey!
GERALD: Hey, man,
how's the search going?
Not so good, Gerald.
I have tried everything
I can think of,
but I can't find
Abner anywhere.
Well, did you try
going down to the dump
and yelling, "Sooey!"
Come on, Gerald,
this is serious.
It is a scary world
out there.
I just hope he is okay.
I am sorry, Arnold.
He is probably okay.
I mean, come on,
how much trouble
can a pig get into?
Hey, Morty, we're
one pig skin short
of an order here.
MAN: Hey!
There is a live one!
(ABNER GRUNTING)
Get back here,
you football.
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
Hey there, short-man,
how's it going?
Not so good, Grandpa.
I just keep thinking
about Abner.
Oh yeah, me, too.
I wouldn't sit
on the chair, Grandpa,
it's pretty wobbly.
Oh, nonsense,
it's perfect.
See?
Why did he run away
from me, Grandpa?
He was my friend, my pal.
Why?
Well, boy, you can't force
animals to do what
you want them to do.
People neither
for that matter.
Except your
great Uncle Phil.
Oh, I could get him
to do anything.
Stand on his head,
suck his toes.
Of course,
he ran away, too.
Eventually.
Think Abner hasn't
come back because
he doesn't wanna be
my pet anymore?
No, I think Abner
hasn't come back
because he is...
Well, he is dumb.
He's a dumb pig.
But that is not the point.
The fact is,
he might never
come back.
And if he doesn't,
you gotta remember
all the good times
you had together,
not the bad.
You're right, Grandpa.
I'll always remember
the way he used to
roll around in the mud.
Oh, yeah.
The way he used to
knock over
the garbage cans.
The way he used to
eat egg shells
and coffee grounds...
Yes, I remember.
Hey, wait a minute.
That's it.
Egg shells.
Coffee grounds.
I know how to get
Abner to come back.
Grandpa, you're brilliant.
Brilliant.
(KISSES)
But I didn't...
Uh... Ah, kid's right.
Brilliant does
pretty much
describe me. Yeah.
(GROANS)
(WIND BLOWING)
(ABNER SNIFFING)
(OINKING)
It's not working, Arnold.
It's gotta work.
It's just gotta.
Well, it is not
and it is making me sick.
Hey, look!
(OINKING)
(NEIGHBORS CHEERING)
Abner! Abner!
It kind of brings
a tear to your eye.
No, that's just
the onions.
(BOTH SOBBING)
Abner, you're the best pig
a kid could ever have.
GRANDPA: Hey, Arnold.
Hey, Arnold.
What, Grandpa?
Listen, when you
finish that I need you
to do me a favor.
Okay.
Go down to the jewelry store
and give the man this receipt.
He'ill give you
my gold watch.
Had it cleaned.
Get it back here
in one piece and
you'll be a real hero.
You mean your
Schnitzenbauer Time Master 909
with a Swiss polar align
triple synchronous
movement escapement?
That's the one.
Wait a minute.
You never trust
anybody with
that watch, Grandpa.
Not even Grandma.
Well, short-man,
you're nine.
And as far as
I am concerned,
you are man enough
now to take responsibility
for its safekeeping.
I would go myself,
but you know
I got my stories
this afternoon.
You can count
on me, Grandpa.
That watch is
as good as home.
(BELL RINGS)
(WATCH TICKING)
Want to go down
to the river
and throw rocks?
I can't, Gerald, I gotta
get this watch back to
Grandpa as soon as possible.
Wait a minute.
You mean his
Schnitzenbauer Time Master 909
with a Swiss polar align
triple synchronous
movement escapement?
Yup.
Man, I didn't think
he'd trust anybody
with that thing.
It is my
sacred quest, Gerald.
And nothing is
going to stop me from
giving it back to him.
Nothing.
Hey, what is that
over there?
(EXPLOSION)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Man, that's one deep hole.
I bet it goes
all the way to China.
I bet your mother
dropped you
on your head.
It's like 8000
frequent flyer miles
to China, Pink Boy!
ALL: Wow!
Well, somebody
throw something in.
(SID SCREAMS)
I mean a rock.
(THUDS)
(SPLASHES)
Man, that's deep.
No!
Man, Arnold,
you just lost
your Grandpa's watch.
(LAUGHS)
See ya, Arnold.
HAROLD: Bye, Arnold.
KIDS: Oh brother...
(KIDS LAUGHING
AND CHATTERING)
Hey, what are
you doing, man?
I'm going down, Gerald.
What?
I got it, Gerald.
I told grandpa
I'll bring that watch
back to him.
I gotta go down
and get it.
Are you crazy?
Gerald, what could
possibly go wrong?
(RUMBLING)
(GERALD SCREAMING)
(BOTH SCREAMING)
Are you coming with me?
Okay.
But I am gonna
regret it.
GERALD: Man,
what died in here?
We should have bought
little pine trees
they have in
the taxicabs.
It has got to be
around here somewhere.
Arnold, what do you
say we go back?
I can't go back
without Grandpa's watch.
Hey, what's that?
(SQUEAKING)
Come on.
Oh man, this really stinks.
(GASPS)
(BOTH SCREAMING)
Ah, my lovely,
you've brought me
another trinket
from the world above.
Good rat. Faithful rat.
Now get out of here.
(RATS SQUEAKING)
I am Sam,
king of the sewers,
prince of the pipes,
Duke of the Depths.
Lord of all you see
before you.
I guess you got
last pick for
royal domain, huh?
You must be
weary travelers.
Welcome to my palace.
You shall be
my royal guests.
Arnold, this guy's
a major flake.
Tell me about it.
But look what
he's got
around his neck.
It looks like
your Grandpa's watch.
It is my Grandpa's watch.
Just play along, okay?
Listen, Your Highness,
I'm on this quest, see?
Quest, you say.
Royal quest?
Yeah, I'm looking
for a sacred relic.
It's round and shiny
and it looks
just like that.
What? But
this is a royal icon.
You cannot have
the royal icon.
It's royal
plus it's an icon.
Royal icon.
Uh, listen sewer king,
that actually is
my grandfather's watch
and we really
have to get it
back to him.
There is nothing
you could do
that would make me
want to give you
this watch.
Nothing!
Do you play chess?
(STUTTERS)
Chess. Uh, chess.
Are you kidding?
Oh, it's has been
so long since I've played
with another human.
Oh, sure the rats
will play
once in a while
but you can't
teach them en passant
or the Sicilian Defence.
And do they know
who Boris Spassky is?
No!
Okay. I'll play you
for the watch.
And if you lose?
If I lose,
you can keep the watch.
And you two shall
remain here
in my kingdom
as my subjects
and royal rat groomers.
ARNOLD: Deal.
Checkmate.
Best two out of three.
Checkmate.
SEWER KING:
Three out of five.
ARNOLD: Checkmate.
Eight out of fifteen?
Look, sewer king,
I've beaten you,
give me the watch.
(BOTH GRUNT)
Come on, man,
let's get out of here.
Come back here,
rebellious serfs,
come back!
(EVIL LAUGH)
(BOTH SCREAMING)
(BOTH PANTING)
GERALD: Arnold!
Look, there's a way out.
(BOTH SCREAMING)
GERALD: Let's go!
(STRAINING)
Oh, no! The light!
I can't!
Stop!
Well, I'm back.
Hey, short-man,
get the watch?
Sure did, Grandpa.
And you will be
proud to know that
it's in perfect condition.
Just like when
I picked it up
from the shop.
You did good, Arnold.
Oops!
Oh, criminy.
Sounds like it went
all the way to China.
(SOBBING)
I've lost it all.
I've lost
the royal icon.
The royal rat groomers.
I don't even know
what time it is.
The royal icon.
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
Oh well, always
got to have
a backup, Arnold.
(WATCHES TICKING)
Hey, where you goin'?
To take a long hard
look at my life.
Well, uh,
while you're there,
would you pick up
a quart of milk?
(MUSIC PLAYING)