Hercules: The Legendary Journeys (1995–1999): Season 1, Episode 12 - The Gauntlet - full transcript

The evil Xena and her mercenaries return; after destroying six villages on a single peninsula, she's heading for Parthis. Begging for his life as a cross-dresser, salesman Salmoneus is spared for her amusement. Hercules sets out when his help is enlisted by his adolescent cousin Roran, whose mother lives in Parthis. When Xena learns her lieutenant Darphus chose which village to attack and ordered women and children slaughtered, she resists and saves a baby, for which Salmoneus finds a shepherdess. The men choose Darphus's side, so Xena is exiled and must run the gauntlet by clobbering, which she survives. Spiros, whose family was killed while he was away trying to get help, attacks Hercules's party and wounds the boy with an arrow, thinking they did the killing. Her scout Deros, who was captured and released by Hercules, warns Xena of his approach. Salmoneus has fled and finds Hercules. Xena captures but releases Spiros, hopes to get her men back by bringing Hercules' head in a duel, but looses and runs. Hercules' quartet faces Darphus' band alone; Xena seizes the opportunity to vanquish Darphus in a duel, but Ares has him resurrected and gives him a monster to destroy Hercules. The baby is Spiros's son.

Darphus gave them
your demands.

Just enough crops
to feed our men;

only the buildings needed
to quarter them.

Their answer?

They've decided
to defend themselves.


We'll give them
the night to reconsider.

Give them nothing!

I say we attack now
and wipe them all out!

Let the gods sort out
the women and children.

We are warriors,
not barbarians.

Cretus, you made it clear

that anyone who raises
a sword against us will die?!

They said they'd rather die
defending the fruits of their labor

than give it to renegades.

Then tomorrow
they'll get their wish.


Wonderful, Iphicles.

Absolutely wonderful.

It's a four-star meal
for sure.

Why four stars?

Uh, that's just a manner
of speaking.

It's something I... picked up
from an epicurean friend of mine.

Well, why not five stars?

Or... Or a constellation of stars?


A constellation it is.


- Iloron!
- Hello, cousin.

- It's been too long.
- Ah, it must be five years.

Uh... Come!

Sit down!

- How've you been?
- Good.

Look, we've got big problems
in the Parthian province.

- What sort of problems?
- Marauders.

And they're merciless.

Last week, they attacked
a village near us...,

killed every last man.

Look here.

On my way here, I found out

that six more villages
have been destroyed last month.

Looks like they're intent
on overrunning the whole peninsula.

And Parthus,
my mother's village,

will be right in their path.

Then we don't have any time
to waste.

- No word?
- Their only activity

has been to fortify.

We should've attacked yesterday.

It won't affect the outcome.

Only make it more interesting.

Let's go!


Surrender or die!


No! Have mercy!

There she is!

Kill her!

Destroy the witch!

Destroy her!

This is the history
of a time long ago,

a time of myth and legend,

when the ancient gods
were petty and cruel

and they plagued mankind
with suffering.

Only one man dared
to challenge their power:


Hercules possessed a strength
the world had never seen,

a strength surpassed only
by the power of his heart.

He journeyed the Earth
battling the minions

of his wicked stepmother, Hera,
the all-powerful queen of the gods.

But wherever there was evil,
wherever an innocent would suffer,

there would be... Hercules!


A fine attack!


Long live Xena!

I'm a modest woman.

Please don't touch me there.

Look at what we found
hiding in the feed-bin.



Well, what've we got here?

No, no.

I work in the circus.

Please, don't kill me!
Please! I beg you!

Give me one good reason.

It would be very unpleasant
for me.

We haven't even been introduced!

My mother will cry?!

Take him away.

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
I'm not...

I'm not even supposed to be here!

I'm a travelling salesman!

I can get you a great deal
on some clay dinnerware.

I've got this walnut utensil.

- Kill him!
- Hold it!

You're very quick
with the "kill him"!

Wait a second, please!

I know people in high places.

Uh, I-I-I know Hercules!

What do you know about Hercules?

- He knows nothing!
- I do to!

Well... I...

We... Ooh... Ooh, wee...

I'm his best friend?

We're like this?!

Well, not like that.
Kinda-Kinda' like the...

Kind... It's platonic.

We're like... that!

Come here, little man.

You amuse me.


You like amusing?

A guy goes into a bar
walking a duck.

Owner says:
"Wat'r u doin' wit dat pig?!"


I'll let you know when
I wanna be amused again.

Bring him along.

Leave it.

It becomes you.

Right! Certainly.

You've got excellent taste.

I can't believe it's been
five years since I've seen you.

Why does it have to take bad news
to bring us together?

Well, you're not the easiest
person to get ahold of.

- Yeah, I... guess you're...
- They've destroyed...

- right.
- everything!

Mommy? Where's Daddy?

Who did this?


Did you see their leader?

She was like...

a demon from Hades.

A woman...

Do you know who did this?

I've got an idea.

That meat is for warriors.



There's more than one way
to wage a war.


Tell me about it.


An army such as yours,

with such a beautiful leader
like you...

You need publicity,
public relations.


I prefer my relations
to be private.

No, you need something
to trumpet your victories.

But you don't wanna seem
overbearing or merciless.

You need a theme song.

Wait a second.


coming to your town!


don't you wear a frown

N' don't talk about destruction.

Talk about "collateral damage".

Be like a tax collector.

Tell people you're doing it
for their own good!

You know, for such
a wretched little man,

you are mildly entertaining.

Tell me more.

Okay. Uh...

Can I just...? Yeah.

Always address your troops
from your right side.

It's your best side.

Not that you have a bad side.

You've got beautiful eye,
you've got great cheek structure.

Smile more,
show off your cheeks.

See? Ah.


- Don't stop amusing me now.
- No, Your Highness,

Your Worship, Your... Your...
What is your titular? Uh...

How do y-How do you like to be

Addressed? Hmm?

Any sign of trouble?!

Not that I can see!

But we're making good time.

I can see the hills
of Parthian province.

Also, I...

think we're being followed.

I know.

I saw him by the river.

I say we go here.

The western villages?

Lightly defended.

We wipe them from the map...,

an easy victory.

Easy victories make
for weak soldiers.

As long as the men get
what they want?

I don't want soldiers
following me out of greed.

I demand loyalty.

Loyalty, greed, fear,

what does it matter
as long as they obey orders?

It matters to me.

Maybe one day we'll find out
whose strategy is best...,

yours or mine.

I'll go north
with my scouts.

I'll see for myself.

And when I return,
we attack.

Still no sign of Xena
and the scouts?

The men are ready
for a night attack;

I don't wanna lose
the element of surprise.

I won't wait any longer.

Uh... Excuse me?

Wouldn't Xena be upset...

if you don't... wait?

You know, little man,
you don't amuse me at all.

We go now.

I don't wanna see a living thing
when you're through.

Not a man, woman
or child, understood?!

- Don't you think that Xena...?
- Forget Xena!

I want that village destroyed!

The men can take
what they want.

Yes, sir.


What have you done?!

A message... to those
who defy us.

You killed women and children?

If this doesn't strike fear

into the hearts
of the northern villages,

nothing will.

You're a butcher.

Your disobedience
will not go unpunished!

I expected as much.

- I thought I'd killed them both.
- Kill it!


You kill this baby,
you die next.

Contrary to what some
might think...,

I still lead this army.

Looking for me?

We can do this
the easy way...

or we can go back to that village
you destroyed...,

let the orphans and widows
decide what to do with you.

Women and children
don't scare me.

Don't they?!

Who commands you barbarians?

It's a woman, isn't it?

We're not barbarians,
we're soldiers.


Killing unarmed people,

I guess that qualifies you
as a soldier, doesn't it?

So, where is your leader,

When she finds out I'm missing...,

she'll have you two
for breakfast.

Where... is she?

Doesn't matter.

You're too late, anyway.

Get out of my sight.

I wouldn't.


No one's alive.

Not even a child.

They killed children?

They killed everyone.




I swear by my mother...

this won't happen again.

What are you doing here?

I thought you might need
some help taking care of the baby,

so I found this shepherdess.

I've got no intention
of taking care of this infant.

I merely saved him.

No, of course not.

If you had any maternal
instinct, you wouldn't...

Not that you don't have
maternal instinct,

but with all the fighting,
it gets...

I have some milk for the baby.

Oh, proud warriorress?

Can I talk to you
for a moment?

About what?

It's Darphus.

He scares me.

Everyone scares you.

Very observant.

But in this case, I don't think
he's exactly in your corner, either.

You mean, in his insubordination?

That... and he's been
stirring up the men

about saving the baby.

I've got no reason to doubt
my soldiers' loyalty.

And I'll deal with Darphus.

Yes, I'm sure.
But... Bu-But...

the best course of action...,

given... that you and Darphus
are at odds...

I don't run from my problems.

I confront them.

And I'll deal with Darphus!

Excellent choice.

It was just a thought;
thank you.

You defied me.

You wanted the village destroyed,
we destroyed it.

I didn't order you to burn it,

or to slaughter
every living thing!

I gave you my reasons.

I'm relieving you
of your command!

My men won't allow that.

Yes, my men.

You're the one who's stepping down.

And you'll leave the only way
a warrior can.

The gauntlet?

There's not a man here
who'll raise a hand against me.

Take off her armor.

I'll bury you
and your new leader!

Can she really
make it through that?

No one ever has.


Go, Xena, go!

She's dead.

Xena! She survived.


Kill her!

But she made it through.

Good for her! Now finish it!

She fought by the rules.

I won't cross that line.

Me neither.

Enjoy your exile.

Hercules? How about a break?

- We'll rest when we find 'em.
- We won't be

in any shape to fight
if we don't stop soon.

When we find 'em!

Come on.

You'll be all right.

You stay here.

Who are you?!

Who are you?!
Why are you attacking us?

Go on, kill me.

I have nothing to live for

Who are you?


You killed my wife
and son.

I'm Hercules.

And I didn't kill anyone.


But I saw you looting the bodies
in the village.

We were burying them.

They were already dead
when we got there.

My wife and child
were in that village.

You have my sympathy.

Come on.

Let's see how much damage
you've done to my cousin.

You'll live.


I should never've left.

I should never've left.

Why did you?

No one wanted to leave
their families.

But we knew someone
had to go for help,

so we... drew straws.

I drew the short one.

You shouldn't feel guilty.

You did what you could.

But everyone I loved...,

they're gone now.


I once lost my family too.

Then you'll know
there's nothing you can say

that'll make me feel better.


We will find Xena
and her army.

I promise you.

I can be your scout.

I know this countryside well.


All right.

All right,
you're safe.

You found some armor.

You don't know
where you're going...,

but you're making really good time.

Let's hear it for me!

Hip hip... hooray!

I can take care of myself.

One of your men came here
looking for you today.

I have no men.

He was a scout named Daros.

What did he want?

He said he needed
to warn you...

that Hercules
was on your trail.


Please, somebody help me
if you can hear me!

Help me!

Please, somebody help me!



It's nothing, just... someone
hanging upside-down. Come on.

Hey, you can't leave me
like this!

I know. I know.

You know him?


Does he know me?!

I fought a cyclops
with this guy!

And a lunatic centaur.

And what about the fifty randied
daughters of King Thespius, huh?

Can we reminisce
some other time?

I had to help the big guy out.


I... should know better
than to ask, but...

how did you get up there?

I have no idea.

I was escaping this band
of murderous thugs...,

led by this fierce, beautiful woman
with great...

You were with Xena?

You know her?

Yes, I do.

They humiliated me,

they starved me...,

they took my entire line
of kitchenware.

- Salmoneus...
- I've got this great utensil;

it cracks a walnut
into two smooth halves.

- Salmoneus...
- Protects the nut

- and there are no splinters.
- Salmoneus!

- Yes?
- Just tell me where they are.

They're on their way to Parthus.

And if anything like the last time,

there won't be
any Parthus left!

Let's go.


What about my cookware?!


the great Hercules
is on our trail.

Maybe it's time
to change our plans.

- No.
- But Hercules...

Can be defeated
like any other man!

He doesn't know we know
he's on our track.

That gives us an edge.


Outside Parthus,
where the road splits...

That's where we spring
our trap.

- But suppose he's waiting...
- We'll crush him like a bug!

Can we take a break?
I'm hungry.

I don't know how I get myself
in these messes.

You might try staying away
from killers like Xena.

I wasn't with her by choice!

And I'll tell you something; she's not
as evil as you think she is.

Of course not.

She only kills people
for sport.

Well, at least she allows them
to surrender

before massacring 'em.

She's all heart...

She's got some heart.

She's not into that scorched-Earth
policy like Darphus.

You're serious?

That she's not
a cold-hearted evil bitch?

Believe me.
Compared with Darphus,

she looks like the goddess
of love and light!

Who is Darphus?


Looks like we'll get the chance
to see which one of us is right.

Hello, Xena.

Hello, Hercules!

Looks like you're losing
your touch!

Your scout would never make it
in my army!

You're right.

He's not a baby-killer.

Don't tell me you're gonna spoil it
by bringing your friends into it.

No, Xena.

I think I can handle this one
on my own.

We've been down this road before.

The last time, you almost
cost me a friendship.

This time...

it'll cost you a life!

Xena, why are you doing this?!

If I can bring back
the head of Hercules,

I can get back my army!

So you can murder
more women and children?

That was not my idea!

I never murdered
women and children!

You shouldn't be fighting
each other!

Darphus is the enemy!

You should be on the same side,
fighting him!

On second thought...,

maybe you should work it out
between you!

I've got you now, Hercules!


Come on. Come on.

Let's go.

Go on,

finish it.

Prove you're
the greatest warrior.

Killing... isn't the only way
of proving you're a warrior, Xena.

And I think you know that.

What do you intend to do?

We're going after your army.

Why don't you join us?



You can make war
on a defenseless village,

kill women and children, but you
can't fight a worthy opponent.

Let her go!

She has a fight of her own
to deal with.

Over here!

More tracks.

They tried to cover them up
to this point.

Looks like a larger body
of troops went that way.

Let's go.

Let's wipe 'em out.

Come on,
we can handle them.


That's what they expect us
to do.

That's... their surprise.

An ambush? For us?

So what do we do?

We even the odds.

And we get to Parthus
before they do.

Even the odds?

This way, goat-breath!

We've been ambushed
and our horses are gone.

But how?!
Hercules was never here!

He was here, all right!

- He's long gone now.
- But where?!


Women and children
all evacuated.

And the old men and the boys.

I still say
we should've kept some.

No, they're no match
for that army out there.

Yeah, and we are?
All four of us?

Well, the villagers cooked up
some surprises; that'll help.

Yeah? Well, what happens
when the surprises run out?

Looks like we'll find out
soon enough.

You better get to your post.



I can't believe it,
she's come back.

That bracelet belonged
to my wife!

- Retreat!
- Fight!

- Let's get out of here!
- Fight! Fight!




I'm glad you came back.

I had to.

They weren't true warriors.

They had to be stopped.


Is it over now?

All of it?

Yes, it is.

Well, I'm not making any promises.

What is it?

Salmoneus told me that... Xena
saved a baby boy at my village.

Is that true?

Was he, uh...

Did he have a birthmark
on his left leg?

That's my son.

That's my son...

Oh, gods above, thank you.

I don't know how to...

Suppose I don't wanna
give him up.

What do you mean?

I put my life on the line for him.

Would you?

Yes, and I'll fight you
if I have to.

You'd lose.

Doesn't matter.

He's my blood.


why are you doing this?

You've shown me
all I need to know.

Just raise your son
to be as brave as you.

Salmoneus will take you
to him.

You sure
you don't wanna join us?

You know,
for old times' sake.

I just don't want to fall
into any more traps.

Yeah, I'm not sure
how many people

could stand the sight
of you upside down.


I happen to think
I have nice legs.


Spiros will keep you safe.

Thank you, cousin.

You're welcome.

Let's not wait five years
to see each other again.

Not a chance.

Take care.


What now?

What do you say
we go find out together?



Feeling better?

Who are you?

Call me...

an emissary of Ares.

Ares, the god of war.

What does he want with me?

He wants to give you your revenge
against Xena.

But first...,

you must do something for him.

You must kill Hercules.


He destroyed my army.

You'll need help.

More help than any army
can give you.

This beast...
can give you that help.

Under your control,

it can destroy Hercules

once... and for all.

Subtitles: @marlonrock1986 (^^V^^)