Hercules: The Legendary Journeys (1995–1999): Season 1, Episode 13 - Unchained Heart - full transcript
Darphus, Xena's renegade, even crueler mercenaries captain, deliberately raids the innocent village Elysia and sends one man away to challenge Hercules, after showing him the scar left by his divine resurrection from death, then starts throwing human sacrifices to Graegus, the monster Ares gave him to defeat the half-god they both hate. When Salmoneus presents the picnic carpet and offers to catch some quail, provided Hercules cooks it for them and Xena, he gets caught himself by Iolaus, who still thought Xena was the problem, but happily joins the fight against Ares' stooge Darphus, although reluctant to believe Xena's turn for the good. Xena finds and defeats one of Darphus' plundering parties; she lets Quintus go to tell their approach to Darphus, who throws the man to Graegus 'for fleeing from his post'. Darphus' ravine trap succeeds in burying Hercules' party under a rock avalanche, but alive, so his celebration drink on the nearly full-grown Graegus, now unhindered, can help them establish Ares' worldwide rule of terror, is premature. Hercules gets everyone out, just in time, even Salmoneus who froze in fear. They successfully fight off Darphus' attack on a diamond mine, but Salmoneus goes missing, taking a cart-ride from an old peddler who accidentally heads for Elysia, where both are seized. Xena becomes Hercules' lover again. Iolaus sees Salmoneus dining with Darphus -actually just fattened to be eaten himself as last sacrifice- and notices Ares' nasty pet Graegus. The trio mounts the final attack on the mercenaries, Hercules handles the mighty monster...
A good harvest this year.
Our fields have flourished.
- Ah, greetings.
- Hello.
Bathsheeba!
Bathsheeba!
You're not getting any dinner
if you don't move!
Right now! Move!
- Move!
- Instead of, uh, all that vinegar,
why don't you try
a little honey?
And, uh, if you don't have
any honey,
well, a carrot
usually does the trick.
Works every time, my friend.
Take them to Illysia.
Except that one.
No!
No, please don't kill me!
Only if you obey my commands.
Now, find Hercules.
Tell him
that Darphus rides again.
And if he doesn't believe you,
say you saw this.
The scar that the traitorous bitch,
Xena, left me with.
What are you waiting for?
Go!
It'll be the first celebrity
biography in history.
And it'll be about you...,
Hercules!
Come on,
the public's begging for it.
Sorry, I don't think of myself
as a... celebrity.
Trust me, we'll get rich.
We...
Of course.
Salmoneus has to do the writing.
All you have to do is take the risks.
I'll make you the same 60/40 deal
when I write your bio.
So..., 60/40, sound good?
Hercules!
Excuse me,
we're conducting business here.
- Hercules, you gotta go to Illysia.
- What's wrong?
Invaders..., led
by a warrior called Darphus!
Darphus?
- Can't be, he's dead.
- By your hand, if you're Xena.
- He showed me his scar.
- What scar?
A huge, gaping hole
right in the middle of his chest!
- He should've been dead!
- Only the gods
have the power to bring Darphus
back from the dead.
- I can bet which one it is.
- That means nothing to me.
I'm still going to Illysia
to stop Darphus.
I won't fail this time.
No.
We're going to stop him.
And I'm gonna come watch...,
for strictly literary reasons.
You gonna come join us?
Absolutely not.
You don't know
what you're up against.
Hey! No problem.
Is there?
It's Darphus! He's back!
- Darphus returns!
- Another victory!
Lock the others up.
Take that one to the temple.
Why are you taking me
to the temple?
I want you to get religion.
You know nothing of religion!
You're gonna sacrifice me!
Don't jump to conclusions.
Throw him in.
Oh! Oh, please!
Ooh! No!
Enjoy yourself.
Get in there!
Come and get it, Hercules.
This is the history
of a time long ago,
a time of myth and legend,
when the ancient gods
were petty and cruel
and they plagued mankind
with suffering.
Only one man dared
to challenge their power:
Hercules.
Hercules possessed a strength
the world had never seen,
a strength surpassed only
by the power of his heart.
He journeyed the Earth
battling the minions
of his wicked stepmother, Hera,
the all-powerful queen of the gods.
But wherever there was evil,
wherever an innocent would suffer,
there would be... Hercules!
HERCULES: THE LEGENDARY JOURNEYS
Hey! Wait for me!
Wait, wait. Hold it!
This ground is a little tricky.
Hold on! Hold on.
Well...,
doesn't really have an outdoorsy motif,
huh, but it'll do.
I was afraid
these had got broken.
Salmoneus, can I ask you
a couple of questions?
- At your service.
- Number one:
- do you think we're on a picnic?
- A picnic? No.
But I don't think one should deny
oneself creature comforts
- just 'cause you're in the...
- And number two:
what do you think
you're gonna put on those plates?
Roast quail?
If you want quail,
you'll have to catch it yourself.
Fine. I'll do it.
You will?
Yeah! I happen come from a family
of fine quail catchers.
But somebody else is gonna have
to cook it. Great hunters don't cook.
Don't look at me.
Fine. I'll... do the cooking.
Guess that leaves
the scouting to me.
No, wait. I... think...
I should do the scouting.
Oh, no. You're cooking.
Cooking...
Oh, you made a big mistake,
buster!
I happen to be
Hercules' best friend!
And if you don't get...
What's so funny?
You.
I'm a lot funnier... if you stop
using my back as a couch!
Now get off me,
or I'm gonna call Hercules! Come on!
Oh, like you actually
know him?
Know him? I-I happen to be
his official biographer!
Well, that's funny..., because
I don't think of Hercules
as the kind of hero
who wants to sound his own horn.
I-I happen to think I know him
a little better than you.
In fact,
he's right back there.
If you get off me,
I'll take you to him!
Sure. Why not?
Right. Now, when you meet him,
whatever you do,
don't say "you're Hercules?!",
like it's a big surprise,
'cause frankly, he's not
that much different than other men.
He's bigger,
and he's got more muscles.
- Yeah.
- But, otherwise,
he's about just the same,
all right?
You'll see. All right. Right.
Now..., there he is.
- You're Hercules?
- I can't believe you said that!
I told you not to!
Yes, I am.
And you are...?
They call me... Iolaus.
- You're Iolaus.
- Yeah.
Last time I checked.
That's good enough for me.
- I don't believe this!
- Iolaus is my best friend.
You never mentioned him
to me!
Oh, holding out
on your official biographer, huh?
It's a... long story.
What brings you
to these parts?
Xena.
She's on the loose again.
Xena?! No, actually, she...
Don't you have quail to catch?
It's not... Xena we have
to worry about.
Our real problem is
with a... warrior named Darphus.
He's slaughtering everyone in sight
for the greater good of Ares.
Why don't we get 'em both?
It's good to be with you again,
Hercules.
Yeah. It is, isn't it?
Uh...
I hear tummies rumbling.
I better catch some Xena...
Uh... Quail.
Who is that guy?
My... biographer.
Oh.
Tear down that house!
- Look at this bracelet.
- That'll be worth a few dinars.
Vultures.
Nothing under here!
It's Xena!
Tell Darphus...
I'm coming for him!
Your message
pleases me so much...
that I may spare your life,
Quintus.
Why would you think of killing me?
You abandoned your comrades
when they were fighting Xena.
I had no choice. You needed
to know that Xena was near.
Yes. Probably Hercules as well.
But there is still
the matter of loyalty.
I was always loyal to you,
Darphus, you know that.
All I know is that
you ran once in battle;
you could run again.
- Feed him to Graegus.
- Yeah!
No! You can't do this!
You know..., Salmoneus,
to look at you...,
you'd never think
you were a quail hunter.
Life's full of surprises...,
isn't it?
Yeah. It is. Hmm.
You know, there's something
I've been meaning to tell you.
Ah, no.
We've gotta play "Rock,
Parchment, Dagger" for the last quail.
Uh... No. It's, uh...
It's about...
- It's about...
- What?
It's about Xena.
- What about her?
- Well...
Hello, Iolaus.
- Wait, hold on. Hold on.
- What's she doing here?
We're on the same side.
Look..., Darphus knows
we're coming.
I ran into a band of his warriors,
but one of 'em got away.
Are you crazy?
She tried to kill us!
- No, you don't understand.
- Oh yeah, I understand all right.
You're falling into the same trap
that I fell into.
And I will burn in Hades
before I stick around here
to see you do it.
Iolaus, would you...?
Great.
Iolaus, wait!
Would you wait?!
Just let me get out of here,
Hercules.
Not before I tell you
how Xena has changed.
Come on, listen to yourself!
You're talking about a woman
who wanted to make history
by trying to kill you!
That part of her life is over!
Oh yeah.
Is that what she'd tell you
when the both of you were
rolling around in bed together?
I do not rolling around in bed
with her!
Now, would you just hear me out?!
Darphus used to be
Xena's chief lieutenant.
She wouldn't let him murder
women and children.
She even saved a baby,
and for that he tried to kill her.
- So you took pity on her, huh?
- Xena doesn't accept pity.
She's a warrior
in the truest sense of the word.
That's why she's going
after Darphus again.
Look, I'm going too.
And I want you with us.
Nothing I say is gonna make you
change your mind, is it?
No.
It's the right thing to do.
Okay.
Count me in.
But let me tell you something,
Hercules.
Both of us better
watch our backs.
To get a message to Iolaus
you need a carrier pigeon.
It's not me, is it?
It can't be you.
All I smell on you
is hyacinth and cinnamon.
Are you a biographer
or a bad comedian?
Or... have you dreamed up
some other get-rich-quick scheme?
How about "love-slave"?
I'm versatile.
- You're deluded.
- Hmm.
Hold on.
Is something wrong?
Let's... wait for Iolaus
to catch up.
Well, I didn't tell him
to stay back there.
What's the problem?
The canyon up ahead looks like
a perfect place for an ambush.
So let's stay close together
and... keep quiet.
Why are you looking at me?!
I can keep quiet.
I know when it's time
to stop talking.
I know discretion's
the better part of valor.
Hey. Shush.
Look out! Get down!
Get down!
Can you go... any faster?
What's the matter?
Aren't you enjoying yourself?
Well..., my back
hurts a little bit.
- Iolaus, you're head is bleeding.
- Yeah.
Salmoneus..., you coming along?
Salmoneus...,
give them a hand.
Come on,
it'll take your mind off things.
Salmoneus!
Drink deeply...,
drink well.
Hercules is dead!
Do you hear that?
Soon he'll be too big
to stop.
And we will join with him to fulfill
the mighty Ares' destiny.
The god of war
will rule the world!
To Ares!
To Ares!
This... isn't getting
any lighter.
We're almost through.
Hang on, Salmoneus.
How much longer?!
- We're there!
- Get out of here!
- What about you?
- Just go!
Okay.
Come on.
We're going.
Go, Salmoneus!
Go! Go!
Take it easy.
You'll be all right.
- Iolaus, give him some water.
- Sure.
That was the most courageous thing
I've ever seen.
Everybody helped.
Everybody except me.
All I did is prove
what a coward I am.
You are nothing of the sort,
Salmoneus.
I remember
how you stuck by me
when I had to battle the centaurs
without my sight.
Save your breath.
Why should I believe you?
No.
Let him go.
He'll be all right.
What about you?
Want me to bandage that head?
No.
Should be a lot of laughs
around the campfire tonight.
I'm gonna check the perimeter...,
see if everything's all right.
Every time Iolaus looks at me,
I feel his hate.
He acts as if I'm trying to drive
a wedge between you again.
When the time comes,
the only thing he'll worry about
is Darphus.
And what about you?
Could you go back to hating me?
To thinking of me as the enemy?
No.
I don't think that's possible.
I have done terrible things.
I've killed so many men
that I'll never wash their blood
from my hands.
You've already started.
You saved that baby.
But when you help people,
you honor the wife and children
that Hera stole from you.
There is nothing in my whole life
that moves me that way.
You're wrong.
There's the goodness
in your heart.
The diamond mine is waiting
to be pillaged.
We'll use the stones
to pay tribute to Ares...
and we'll feed the bodies
of the miners to Graegus.
When Graegus is finished,
he'll be at full size,
an enormity to guarantee
that Ares' will is fulfilled.
Death to all
who stand before us!
Who do you think you are, walking
in here, telling us we gotta leave?
- He's Hercules.
- Hmm.
That's a fancy name
you're throwing around.
But you still can't make me
forget the diamonds
we're digging out of the land,
so save your breath.
Maybe I ought to pound
some sense
- into that thick skull of yours!
- Take it easy, Iolaus.
If Darphus' name
doesn't scare you,
- maybe Ares' will.
- Ares? Huh.
There's not one man
in this camp
that hasn't paid tribute to him
by fighting in a war
somewhere along the line.
He bears us no ill will.
- You were saying...?
- Look, Hercules. It is Darphus.
Thanks, Herc...
Don't you know
you can't kill me?
Ares is on my side.
Retreat!
Retreat!
We're coming after you,
Darphus!
I'll be waiting for you.
If a knife in the heart
won't kill Darphus, what will?
We'll find something.
- Is everyone all right?
- Yeah.
But there's a problem.
Salmoneus is missing.
"As warriors, Hercules and Xena
have always been a perfect match.
I find myself wondering
about them falling in love,
getting married,
having children,
hiring me
to handle their finances."
My friend...,
I hope your imagination
is the only thing
that ran away with you.
There you go.
That should do it.
Anyone else?
I think everybody who didn't die
has already been taken care of.
Good.
So we should get going.
I hope Hercules finds
Salmoneus soon.
You know..., the only person...
who's ever saved my life before...
was Hercules.
Why did you do it?
We're on the same side.
That's it?
According to the code
I live by, it is.
Because it wasn't so long ago...
that you wanted to kill me
to get to Hercules.
I'll go to my grave
regretting that.
I was all too set up
by hate.
Probably the same feeling...
you have towards me.
Not anymore.
Thank you.
Now, there's...
an encouraging sign. Hmm.
Did you find Salmoneus?
Afraid not.
- Nothing?
- Well, just...
just some... footprints
that might have been his.
Where were they headed?
To Illysia.
The rage you hear in Graegus...
is a measure of how badly
you have failed Ares.
Graegus needs
flesh and blood
that my twelve best warriors
didn't get him...
because they ran from Hercules
and Xena like craven cowards!
But you fled with us.
I never flee, I only live
to fight another day.
Feed him to Graegus.
The rest of you, prepare
for the arrival of Hercules and Xena.
Kill them,
and you regain your honor.
Fail, and Graegus
awaits you.
The only people around here
with wagons are peddlers.
They're everywhere.
Well, whoever made these tracks
is heading for big trouble.
The wagon was going west
towards the ocean,
and then it veered
towards the north.
To Illysia.
Maybe Darphus is bringing in
weapons or reinforcements.
Either that...
[or] somebody made
a terrible mistake.
Ow! Ow!
I'm glad
I don't have hemorrhoids.
Don't be so sensitive,
sonny-boy!
Cut that out.
Yeah! You need ocean air.
That's what you need,
improve your sense of humor!
Xenos, there's no ocean
around here.
Whoa.
T-There's not?
Of course there is!
You can't see
past your reins, can you?
I knew it!
I'm being driven
straight to Hades.
Oh, don't be
such a worry-wart!
My eyes may not be
so hot,
but my animal's eyes
are just fine.
That's the price I pay
for my cowardice, isn't it?
Or maybe
you're not cut out...
for hitchhiking
in the middle of nowhere.
Giddyup!
Very perceptive.
Not much farther now.
I'll go scout ahead.
No, I think it's my turn.
Wait a minute,
I know this territory.
Come on, I'm full
of old hunters' tricks.
- That's not all you're full of.
- Hey.
Flattery will get you
nowhere.
Make a camp, and, uh..., keep
a light burning in the window.
You heard the man.
I'll go get some wood,
but I'm still
not going to cook.
Whoa.
Oh, smell that ocean.
That'll cure your blues for ya.
Since when does the ocean
smell of goats?
Goats? What goats?!
There are no goats here.
Fish!
That's what you have
in a fishing village!
This isn't a fishing village.
- It's Illysia!
- Is not.
- Is.
- Is not.
- Is.
- Is not!
Sorry, old man..., it is.
Darphus'll be happy
to see you.
You know, I've been in a hundred
other battles...,
and the only thing that's ever
come over me before them,
is a cold rage.
But now...
Is this what it feels like
to be you, Hercules?
Hmm.
I think you're just finding out
how good it feels
to challenge the forces of evil.
I wouldn't be doing it
if you hadn't given me the chance.
No. Whatever I did
doesn't count.
You made the decision
on your own.
There's another decision
I've made.
What's that?
To let you know how I feel
about you...,
in case I die
fighting Darphus.
Eat up.
Go on.
Try some of these steaks;
they're delicious.
Here's what you want.
Eat up!
Have some more.
Yes, thank you.
Yeah, thanks. [...]
- Traitor.
- [...] Delicious.
My compliments.
Oh, no.
Now we've really got trouble.
Hello, Iolaus.
Did I get back too soon?
I mean, uh...
I, uh..., didn't think
I'd get back so soon.
What did you find?
Salmoneus.
But it's not what you think.
He and Darphus
were eating together.
It seemed like they were
having a great time.
Salmoneus is
a lot of things, but...
I have a hard time believing
that a traitor is one of them.
Hercules.
Graegus is there.
- Who's Graegus?
- Ares' pet.
He'll feed
on Darphus' victims
until he's the biggest creature
that ever walked.
And if that happens...,
Ares will rule the world.
So what are we gonna do
to stop them?
Sometimes...,
you can only defeat evil...
with evil.
You've lost weight
since we last met.
Huh?
Come on, open up. Eat.
Mm-mm.
How many times
do I have to tell you
I want you nice and plump
so Graegus will have lots
to chew on.
- Mm-mm.
- Eat!
Please!
Don't make me kill you before
I feed you to Graegus.
I want you kicking and screaming
so Hercules and Xena can watch.
It'd be better if we attacked
from the front.
No, if we attack from the front...
Stop right there!
Uh-oh.
The mighty Hercules.
How does it feel to be fi...?
How does it feel
to be unconscious?
Look out!
Show off.
Any closer and my ear
would've been stuck to his chest.
Well, you didn't give me
a very good angle.
- I knew you could handle it.
- Come on, we need to move fast.
Iolaus..., you know what to do.
Yeah, burning wagon
coming up.
It's time to teach you
some manners.
No! Do-Don't get me wrong!
You're food is great.
If you get me a nice sorbet,
I could work through
six or seven more courses.
Graegus is hungry.
There's plenty of roast left!
Let me get him some!
After he's finished with you,
he'll be big enough
to obliterate anyone
who stands in Ares' path!
He smells your fear.
Take him inside.
That's not fear, it's gas!
Please, don't!
I've got land... Ow!
...in Macedonia. Ow!
You could be landowners.
I got... Ah!
...southern exposure.
You could... get away
from the hub-bub.
Please, don't do this to me!
My ankles swell.
Come on!
Stop! No! No! No! Please!
Don't leave me! Hey!
Don't leave me!
So the son of Zeus
has finally arrived.
Get him!
I thought the wagon
was supposed to be on fire!
Old hunters' tricks
don't always work.
Stay.
That was great!
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
- We're not out of this yet.
- Thank you!
I wonder if he knows
how to play fetch.
I'll make sure you stay dead
this time, Darphus!
It's you who dies
this time!
Come on.
Don't you ever get full?
Nice cut!
Salmoneus!
Get outta here!
Come on, get out!
Go! Run!
- Thanks.
- My pleasure!
Xena!
Let's put evil
in its place.
Now!
I've never seen
anything like that.
What happened?
Bad diet.
But Darphus had Ares
on his side.
Didn't matter.
Evil defeated itself.
Boom!
You should've seen those soldiers
fall when I conked them.
I dropped those turkeys
like a bad habit.
I'd write about it if...
if only I had my...
You looking for this?
You found it!
Thank you!
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
You know, that is the thing
about Salmoneus.
Is you never can tell how he feels
about anything.
Yeah, he'll have to work
on that.
Yeah. Go ahead and laugh.
You two are gonna miss me.
Where are you going?
I'm going to Athens...,
to work
on your celebrity biography.
And if it doesn't work out,
I can always sell
obedience training for dogs.
Goodbye, my friends.
Take care, Salmoneus.
Well..., guess
I'm on the way home.
Wanna come along?
There's someone
I need to talk to first.
You're leaving?
You're going to make this tougher
on me than it already is, aren't you?
It doesn't have to be that way.
Please, don't.
You're gonna make me cry.
I haven't done that
since I was a child.
Xena...
Let me go.
There's so much in my life
I have to make amends for.
I've got to get started.
I wish you'd let me help.
You already have.
You unchained my heart.
Goodbye, Hercules.
You all right?
Yeah.
I think so.
At least...
the good guys won.
Hmm.
Subtitles: @marlonrock1986 (^^V^^)
Our fields have flourished.
- Ah, greetings.
- Hello.
Bathsheeba!
Bathsheeba!
You're not getting any dinner
if you don't move!
Right now! Move!
- Move!
- Instead of, uh, all that vinegar,
why don't you try
a little honey?
And, uh, if you don't have
any honey,
well, a carrot
usually does the trick.
Works every time, my friend.
Take them to Illysia.
Except that one.
No!
No, please don't kill me!
Only if you obey my commands.
Now, find Hercules.
Tell him
that Darphus rides again.
And if he doesn't believe you,
say you saw this.
The scar that the traitorous bitch,
Xena, left me with.
What are you waiting for?
Go!
It'll be the first celebrity
biography in history.
And it'll be about you...,
Hercules!
Come on,
the public's begging for it.
Sorry, I don't think of myself
as a... celebrity.
Trust me, we'll get rich.
We...
Of course.
Salmoneus has to do the writing.
All you have to do is take the risks.
I'll make you the same 60/40 deal
when I write your bio.
So..., 60/40, sound good?
Hercules!
Excuse me,
we're conducting business here.
- Hercules, you gotta go to Illysia.
- What's wrong?
Invaders..., led
by a warrior called Darphus!
Darphus?
- Can't be, he's dead.
- By your hand, if you're Xena.
- He showed me his scar.
- What scar?
A huge, gaping hole
right in the middle of his chest!
- He should've been dead!
- Only the gods
have the power to bring Darphus
back from the dead.
- I can bet which one it is.
- That means nothing to me.
I'm still going to Illysia
to stop Darphus.
I won't fail this time.
No.
We're going to stop him.
And I'm gonna come watch...,
for strictly literary reasons.
You gonna come join us?
Absolutely not.
You don't know
what you're up against.
Hey! No problem.
Is there?
It's Darphus! He's back!
- Darphus returns!
- Another victory!
Lock the others up.
Take that one to the temple.
Why are you taking me
to the temple?
I want you to get religion.
You know nothing of religion!
You're gonna sacrifice me!
Don't jump to conclusions.
Throw him in.
Oh! Oh, please!
Ooh! No!
Enjoy yourself.
Get in there!
Come and get it, Hercules.
This is the history
of a time long ago,
a time of myth and legend,
when the ancient gods
were petty and cruel
and they plagued mankind
with suffering.
Only one man dared
to challenge their power:
Hercules.
Hercules possessed a strength
the world had never seen,
a strength surpassed only
by the power of his heart.
He journeyed the Earth
battling the minions
of his wicked stepmother, Hera,
the all-powerful queen of the gods.
But wherever there was evil,
wherever an innocent would suffer,
there would be... Hercules!
HERCULES: THE LEGENDARY JOURNEYS
Hey! Wait for me!
Wait, wait. Hold it!
This ground is a little tricky.
Hold on! Hold on.
Well...,
doesn't really have an outdoorsy motif,
huh, but it'll do.
I was afraid
these had got broken.
Salmoneus, can I ask you
a couple of questions?
- At your service.
- Number one:
- do you think we're on a picnic?
- A picnic? No.
But I don't think one should deny
oneself creature comforts
- just 'cause you're in the...
- And number two:
what do you think
you're gonna put on those plates?
Roast quail?
If you want quail,
you'll have to catch it yourself.
Fine. I'll do it.
You will?
Yeah! I happen come from a family
of fine quail catchers.
But somebody else is gonna have
to cook it. Great hunters don't cook.
Don't look at me.
Fine. I'll... do the cooking.
Guess that leaves
the scouting to me.
No, wait. I... think...
I should do the scouting.
Oh, no. You're cooking.
Cooking...
Oh, you made a big mistake,
buster!
I happen to be
Hercules' best friend!
And if you don't get...
What's so funny?
You.
I'm a lot funnier... if you stop
using my back as a couch!
Now get off me,
or I'm gonna call Hercules! Come on!
Oh, like you actually
know him?
Know him? I-I happen to be
his official biographer!
Well, that's funny..., because
I don't think of Hercules
as the kind of hero
who wants to sound his own horn.
I-I happen to think I know him
a little better than you.
In fact,
he's right back there.
If you get off me,
I'll take you to him!
Sure. Why not?
Right. Now, when you meet him,
whatever you do,
don't say "you're Hercules?!",
like it's a big surprise,
'cause frankly, he's not
that much different than other men.
He's bigger,
and he's got more muscles.
- Yeah.
- But, otherwise,
he's about just the same,
all right?
You'll see. All right. Right.
Now..., there he is.
- You're Hercules?
- I can't believe you said that!
I told you not to!
Yes, I am.
And you are...?
They call me... Iolaus.
- You're Iolaus.
- Yeah.
Last time I checked.
That's good enough for me.
- I don't believe this!
- Iolaus is my best friend.
You never mentioned him
to me!
Oh, holding out
on your official biographer, huh?
It's a... long story.
What brings you
to these parts?
Xena.
She's on the loose again.
Xena?! No, actually, she...
Don't you have quail to catch?
It's not... Xena we have
to worry about.
Our real problem is
with a... warrior named Darphus.
He's slaughtering everyone in sight
for the greater good of Ares.
Why don't we get 'em both?
It's good to be with you again,
Hercules.
Yeah. It is, isn't it?
Uh...
I hear tummies rumbling.
I better catch some Xena...
Uh... Quail.
Who is that guy?
My... biographer.
Oh.
Tear down that house!
- Look at this bracelet.
- That'll be worth a few dinars.
Vultures.
Nothing under here!
It's Xena!
Tell Darphus...
I'm coming for him!
Your message
pleases me so much...
that I may spare your life,
Quintus.
Why would you think of killing me?
You abandoned your comrades
when they were fighting Xena.
I had no choice. You needed
to know that Xena was near.
Yes. Probably Hercules as well.
But there is still
the matter of loyalty.
I was always loyal to you,
Darphus, you know that.
All I know is that
you ran once in battle;
you could run again.
- Feed him to Graegus.
- Yeah!
No! You can't do this!
You know..., Salmoneus,
to look at you...,
you'd never think
you were a quail hunter.
Life's full of surprises...,
isn't it?
Yeah. It is. Hmm.
You know, there's something
I've been meaning to tell you.
Ah, no.
We've gotta play "Rock,
Parchment, Dagger" for the last quail.
Uh... No. It's, uh...
It's about...
- It's about...
- What?
It's about Xena.
- What about her?
- Well...
Hello, Iolaus.
- Wait, hold on. Hold on.
- What's she doing here?
We're on the same side.
Look..., Darphus knows
we're coming.
I ran into a band of his warriors,
but one of 'em got away.
Are you crazy?
She tried to kill us!
- No, you don't understand.
- Oh yeah, I understand all right.
You're falling into the same trap
that I fell into.
And I will burn in Hades
before I stick around here
to see you do it.
Iolaus, would you...?
Great.
Iolaus, wait!
Would you wait?!
Just let me get out of here,
Hercules.
Not before I tell you
how Xena has changed.
Come on, listen to yourself!
You're talking about a woman
who wanted to make history
by trying to kill you!
That part of her life is over!
Oh yeah.
Is that what she'd tell you
when the both of you were
rolling around in bed together?
I do not rolling around in bed
with her!
Now, would you just hear me out?!
Darphus used to be
Xena's chief lieutenant.
She wouldn't let him murder
women and children.
She even saved a baby,
and for that he tried to kill her.
- So you took pity on her, huh?
- Xena doesn't accept pity.
She's a warrior
in the truest sense of the word.
That's why she's going
after Darphus again.
Look, I'm going too.
And I want you with us.
Nothing I say is gonna make you
change your mind, is it?
No.
It's the right thing to do.
Okay.
Count me in.
But let me tell you something,
Hercules.
Both of us better
watch our backs.
To get a message to Iolaus
you need a carrier pigeon.
It's not me, is it?
It can't be you.
All I smell on you
is hyacinth and cinnamon.
Are you a biographer
or a bad comedian?
Or... have you dreamed up
some other get-rich-quick scheme?
How about "love-slave"?
I'm versatile.
- You're deluded.
- Hmm.
Hold on.
Is something wrong?
Let's... wait for Iolaus
to catch up.
Well, I didn't tell him
to stay back there.
What's the problem?
The canyon up ahead looks like
a perfect place for an ambush.
So let's stay close together
and... keep quiet.
Why are you looking at me?!
I can keep quiet.
I know when it's time
to stop talking.
I know discretion's
the better part of valor.
Hey. Shush.
Look out! Get down!
Get down!
Can you go... any faster?
What's the matter?
Aren't you enjoying yourself?
Well..., my back
hurts a little bit.
- Iolaus, you're head is bleeding.
- Yeah.
Salmoneus..., you coming along?
Salmoneus...,
give them a hand.
Come on,
it'll take your mind off things.
Salmoneus!
Drink deeply...,
drink well.
Hercules is dead!
Do you hear that?
Soon he'll be too big
to stop.
And we will join with him to fulfill
the mighty Ares' destiny.
The god of war
will rule the world!
To Ares!
To Ares!
This... isn't getting
any lighter.
We're almost through.
Hang on, Salmoneus.
How much longer?!
- We're there!
- Get out of here!
- What about you?
- Just go!
Okay.
Come on.
We're going.
Go, Salmoneus!
Go! Go!
Take it easy.
You'll be all right.
- Iolaus, give him some water.
- Sure.
That was the most courageous thing
I've ever seen.
Everybody helped.
Everybody except me.
All I did is prove
what a coward I am.
You are nothing of the sort,
Salmoneus.
I remember
how you stuck by me
when I had to battle the centaurs
without my sight.
Save your breath.
Why should I believe you?
No.
Let him go.
He'll be all right.
What about you?
Want me to bandage that head?
No.
Should be a lot of laughs
around the campfire tonight.
I'm gonna check the perimeter...,
see if everything's all right.
Every time Iolaus looks at me,
I feel his hate.
He acts as if I'm trying to drive
a wedge between you again.
When the time comes,
the only thing he'll worry about
is Darphus.
And what about you?
Could you go back to hating me?
To thinking of me as the enemy?
No.
I don't think that's possible.
I have done terrible things.
I've killed so many men
that I'll never wash their blood
from my hands.
You've already started.
You saved that baby.
But when you help people,
you honor the wife and children
that Hera stole from you.
There is nothing in my whole life
that moves me that way.
You're wrong.
There's the goodness
in your heart.
The diamond mine is waiting
to be pillaged.
We'll use the stones
to pay tribute to Ares...
and we'll feed the bodies
of the miners to Graegus.
When Graegus is finished,
he'll be at full size,
an enormity to guarantee
that Ares' will is fulfilled.
Death to all
who stand before us!
Who do you think you are, walking
in here, telling us we gotta leave?
- He's Hercules.
- Hmm.
That's a fancy name
you're throwing around.
But you still can't make me
forget the diamonds
we're digging out of the land,
so save your breath.
Maybe I ought to pound
some sense
- into that thick skull of yours!
- Take it easy, Iolaus.
If Darphus' name
doesn't scare you,
- maybe Ares' will.
- Ares? Huh.
There's not one man
in this camp
that hasn't paid tribute to him
by fighting in a war
somewhere along the line.
He bears us no ill will.
- You were saying...?
- Look, Hercules. It is Darphus.
Thanks, Herc...
Don't you know
you can't kill me?
Ares is on my side.
Retreat!
Retreat!
We're coming after you,
Darphus!
I'll be waiting for you.
If a knife in the heart
won't kill Darphus, what will?
We'll find something.
- Is everyone all right?
- Yeah.
But there's a problem.
Salmoneus is missing.
"As warriors, Hercules and Xena
have always been a perfect match.
I find myself wondering
about them falling in love,
getting married,
having children,
hiring me
to handle their finances."
My friend...,
I hope your imagination
is the only thing
that ran away with you.
There you go.
That should do it.
Anyone else?
I think everybody who didn't die
has already been taken care of.
Good.
So we should get going.
I hope Hercules finds
Salmoneus soon.
You know..., the only person...
who's ever saved my life before...
was Hercules.
Why did you do it?
We're on the same side.
That's it?
According to the code
I live by, it is.
Because it wasn't so long ago...
that you wanted to kill me
to get to Hercules.
I'll go to my grave
regretting that.
I was all too set up
by hate.
Probably the same feeling...
you have towards me.
Not anymore.
Thank you.
Now, there's...
an encouraging sign. Hmm.
Did you find Salmoneus?
Afraid not.
- Nothing?
- Well, just...
just some... footprints
that might have been his.
Where were they headed?
To Illysia.
The rage you hear in Graegus...
is a measure of how badly
you have failed Ares.
Graegus needs
flesh and blood
that my twelve best warriors
didn't get him...
because they ran from Hercules
and Xena like craven cowards!
But you fled with us.
I never flee, I only live
to fight another day.
Feed him to Graegus.
The rest of you, prepare
for the arrival of Hercules and Xena.
Kill them,
and you regain your honor.
Fail, and Graegus
awaits you.
The only people around here
with wagons are peddlers.
They're everywhere.
Well, whoever made these tracks
is heading for big trouble.
The wagon was going west
towards the ocean,
and then it veered
towards the north.
To Illysia.
Maybe Darphus is bringing in
weapons or reinforcements.
Either that...
[or] somebody made
a terrible mistake.
Ow! Ow!
I'm glad
I don't have hemorrhoids.
Don't be so sensitive,
sonny-boy!
Cut that out.
Yeah! You need ocean air.
That's what you need,
improve your sense of humor!
Xenos, there's no ocean
around here.
Whoa.
T-There's not?
Of course there is!
You can't see
past your reins, can you?
I knew it!
I'm being driven
straight to Hades.
Oh, don't be
such a worry-wart!
My eyes may not be
so hot,
but my animal's eyes
are just fine.
That's the price I pay
for my cowardice, isn't it?
Or maybe
you're not cut out...
for hitchhiking
in the middle of nowhere.
Giddyup!
Very perceptive.
Not much farther now.
I'll go scout ahead.
No, I think it's my turn.
Wait a minute,
I know this territory.
Come on, I'm full
of old hunters' tricks.
- That's not all you're full of.
- Hey.
Flattery will get you
nowhere.
Make a camp, and, uh..., keep
a light burning in the window.
You heard the man.
I'll go get some wood,
but I'm still
not going to cook.
Whoa.
Oh, smell that ocean.
That'll cure your blues for ya.
Since when does the ocean
smell of goats?
Goats? What goats?!
There are no goats here.
Fish!
That's what you have
in a fishing village!
This isn't a fishing village.
- It's Illysia!
- Is not.
- Is.
- Is not.
- Is.
- Is not!
Sorry, old man..., it is.
Darphus'll be happy
to see you.
You know, I've been in a hundred
other battles...,
and the only thing that's ever
come over me before them,
is a cold rage.
But now...
Is this what it feels like
to be you, Hercules?
Hmm.
I think you're just finding out
how good it feels
to challenge the forces of evil.
I wouldn't be doing it
if you hadn't given me the chance.
No. Whatever I did
doesn't count.
You made the decision
on your own.
There's another decision
I've made.
What's that?
To let you know how I feel
about you...,
in case I die
fighting Darphus.
Eat up.
Go on.
Try some of these steaks;
they're delicious.
Here's what you want.
Eat up!
Have some more.
Yes, thank you.
Yeah, thanks. [...]
- Traitor.
- [...] Delicious.
My compliments.
Oh, no.
Now we've really got trouble.
Hello, Iolaus.
Did I get back too soon?
I mean, uh...
I, uh..., didn't think
I'd get back so soon.
What did you find?
Salmoneus.
But it's not what you think.
He and Darphus
were eating together.
It seemed like they were
having a great time.
Salmoneus is
a lot of things, but...
I have a hard time believing
that a traitor is one of them.
Hercules.
Graegus is there.
- Who's Graegus?
- Ares' pet.
He'll feed
on Darphus' victims
until he's the biggest creature
that ever walked.
And if that happens...,
Ares will rule the world.
So what are we gonna do
to stop them?
Sometimes...,
you can only defeat evil...
with evil.
You've lost weight
since we last met.
Huh?
Come on, open up. Eat.
Mm-mm.
How many times
do I have to tell you
I want you nice and plump
so Graegus will have lots
to chew on.
- Mm-mm.
- Eat!
Please!
Don't make me kill you before
I feed you to Graegus.
I want you kicking and screaming
so Hercules and Xena can watch.
It'd be better if we attacked
from the front.
No, if we attack from the front...
Stop right there!
Uh-oh.
The mighty Hercules.
How does it feel to be fi...?
How does it feel
to be unconscious?
Look out!
Show off.
Any closer and my ear
would've been stuck to his chest.
Well, you didn't give me
a very good angle.
- I knew you could handle it.
- Come on, we need to move fast.
Iolaus..., you know what to do.
Yeah, burning wagon
coming up.
It's time to teach you
some manners.
No! Do-Don't get me wrong!
You're food is great.
If you get me a nice sorbet,
I could work through
six or seven more courses.
Graegus is hungry.
There's plenty of roast left!
Let me get him some!
After he's finished with you,
he'll be big enough
to obliterate anyone
who stands in Ares' path!
He smells your fear.
Take him inside.
That's not fear, it's gas!
Please, don't!
I've got land... Ow!
...in Macedonia. Ow!
You could be landowners.
I got... Ah!
...southern exposure.
You could... get away
from the hub-bub.
Please, don't do this to me!
My ankles swell.
Come on!
Stop! No! No! No! Please!
Don't leave me! Hey!
Don't leave me!
So the son of Zeus
has finally arrived.
Get him!
I thought the wagon
was supposed to be on fire!
Old hunters' tricks
don't always work.
Stay.
That was great!
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
- We're not out of this yet.
- Thank you!
I wonder if he knows
how to play fetch.
I'll make sure you stay dead
this time, Darphus!
It's you who dies
this time!
Come on.
Don't you ever get full?
Nice cut!
Salmoneus!
Get outta here!
Come on, get out!
Go! Run!
- Thanks.
- My pleasure!
Xena!
Let's put evil
in its place.
Now!
I've never seen
anything like that.
What happened?
Bad diet.
But Darphus had Ares
on his side.
Didn't matter.
Evil defeated itself.
Boom!
You should've seen those soldiers
fall when I conked them.
I dropped those turkeys
like a bad habit.
I'd write about it if...
if only I had my...
You looking for this?
You found it!
Thank you!
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
You know, that is the thing
about Salmoneus.
Is you never can tell how he feels
about anything.
Yeah, he'll have to work
on that.
Yeah. Go ahead and laugh.
You two are gonna miss me.
Where are you going?
I'm going to Athens...,
to work
on your celebrity biography.
And if it doesn't work out,
I can always sell
obedience training for dogs.
Goodbye, my friends.
Take care, Salmoneus.
Well..., guess
I'm on the way home.
Wanna come along?
There's someone
I need to talk to first.
You're leaving?
You're going to make this tougher
on me than it already is, aren't you?
It doesn't have to be that way.
Please, don't.
You're gonna make me cry.
I haven't done that
since I was a child.
Xena...
Let me go.
There's so much in my life
I have to make amends for.
I've got to get started.
I wish you'd let me help.
You already have.
You unchained my heart.
Goodbye, Hercules.
You all right?
Yeah.
I think so.
At least...
the good guys won.
Hmm.
Subtitles: @marlonrock1986 (^^V^^)