Hercules (1998–1999): Season 1, Episode 42 - Hercules and the Complex Electra - full transcript
Hercules falls for Electra, and takes on a different personality to get her to like him.
♪ Who put the
"glad" in Gladiator? ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Whose daring deeds
are great theater? ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Is he bold? ♪
♪ No one braver ♪
♪ Is he sweet? ♪
♪ Our favorite
flavor, Hercules ♪
- ♪ What a guy ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ask his friends ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ahh, Hercules ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Come on ♪
- ♪ No one's fool ♪
♪ Now the boy's in school ♪
♪ He's in trainin' ♪
♪ Sun is shinin' ♪
♪ And the nicest guy ♪
♪ No complainin' ♪
♪ He was a no one ♪
♪ Zero, zero, give
him a quick deed ♪
♪ He's our hero ♪
♪ He's the most
likely to succeed ♪
♪ From zero to hero ♪
♪ Herc is a hero ♪
♪ He'll be a hero ♪
Wait and see!
What is that?
I just serve 'em, sonny.
Ew! Looks kind of gross!
Don't you even think it!
What is with everybody today?
It's like cupid
went nuts in here.
He did. You just missed it.
Thank Zeus I had a shield.
Oh, man! I'm always missing out.
Haven't we done this
whole no-girlfriend
pity-party thing before?
Herc, take a tip from Dr. Love.
You can't force the romance.
Physician, heal thyself.
What? Am I sick?
More than you know, but go on.
Right. You can't put
love in a headlock
and just wrestle it down.
You got to let love come to you.
Before you know it,
that special someone
will fall right into your lap.
Oh!
Well, I was thinking
of someone less scaly,
but what counts is
that you two are happy.
Hi.
Hey.
Ugh!
Whoa!
Got you.
Ooh, big man...
Your heroics beat the
sea snake into submission,
but that's how the city-state
maintains the balance
of power, isn't it?
Heroes keep the sea
snakes in line, right?
Uh yeah.
And... a-and I caught you, too.
A word to the wise, hero...
I'm no damsel in distress.
Oh, wow!
She's awesome.
Get her out of your mind.
You're not Electra's type.
Electra? Y-you know her?
Yeah. She's a transfer
student from Macedonia.
Ooh, Macedonia...
Home of grunge poetry and
the pomegranate-juice craze.
Edgy.
Oh, y-you got to
introduce me! Please!
Bad idea. Electra would never
go for a wonder boy like you.
She's not into that.
Well, what is she into?
The pummeled pomegranate...
It's an underground club.
I hang here a lot.
What? I've never been here.
I like to think of it as
my home away from you.
Whoa!
Somebody needs to turn
these frowns upside down!
If I had to call
this song anything,
I think I'd name it
"dirge of a broken lute,"
you know what I mean?
But I don't like
names, you know?
They're just too
limiting, you know?
I don't like fences, you know?
Oh, yeah, this reaches me.
Groove to the scene, man,
but don't bogart the vibe.
Let us all ride it.
I can't understand a
word they're saying.
Aw, Herc, you just
have to know their lingo.
Watch and learn,
baby. Watch and learn.
Argh, Matey!
Me hearties be lookin'
for a spot of bilge water.
Can you be directin' us?
♪ Yargh hargh-a-larg argh... ♪
What's the story with this dork?
♪ Yargh g-g-gaye ♪
Oh sorry. We just, uh... sorry.
Unhand me, you scurvy dog!
♪ Hargh-a-larg argh
G-g-gargh ga-lee gaye ♪
Cassandra, the damsel
of doom. The usual?
Sure.
♪ Hargh-a-larg argh... ♪
What? You have a usual?
Who are the wannabes?
Stoolies here to check
out the Electra scene.
Two more juices for them.
Got it.
Three tall pummeled
pomegranates, hold the seeds.
Um, excuse me, ma'am,
instead of pomegranate juice,
could I please just have
a glass of milk instead?
Pfft! Helps you build
strong bones, right?
Yeah. I'm a hero in
training, you know?
Eh, whatever. Pfft!
Did I say something wrong?
Look... Here heroes are
nerds, squares, dweebs.
Gee! Really?
Thanks for proving my point.
Look, if you want
to make this scene,
you got to tone down the
"power of positive thinking" routine.
Oh, I can do that!
I-I am so grim. I am.
Thar she blows!
It's Electra!
S-should I go over there,
or should I send a pomegranate
juice over to her table?
What do I do?
You kick yourself.
Kick myself? Why?
Because you're too late.
Electra...
It bums me to see
you sitting here alone.
We're all alone.
It's the nature of
this cruel existence.
Well, maybe we could
try being alone together.
Oh, man!
No, see, I like the kind of
alone where I'm actually alone.
Really?
We'll give it another 45
minutes just to make sure.
I don't think she likes him.
Oh, come on, Electra.
Maybe we can find some meaning
in this meaningless universe...
Together.
I happen to like my
universe meaningless.
Now step off.
That guy just doesn't get it.
Ix-nay on the Ero-hay.
Electra doesn't dig the "knight
in shining chiton" routine.
Well, if the universe
has no meaning,
then there's no
meaning in the word "no."
Then try these
words... bail, loser!
Ugh! Wicked storm!
Hey, everybody, fury attack!
Uh, not that I care or anything.
I can't ignore this.
You guys stay
here where it's safe.
Aye, Matey!
Keelhaul the lot of 'em!
Um, he's visiting from Persia.
Furies, as a hero in
training, I order you...
Hey, let me go!
Whoa!
Huh?
Ow! Hey!
Cut it out!
Stop it! Ugh!
That wasn't so hard.
Oh, great.
Ahhh!
Aye, that be a
fruity eye-opener!
♪ Hargh-a-larg argh
G-g-gaye ga-dee gaye... ♪
I'll never show my
face here again.
Psst, Cassandra, Icarus!
What are you doing?
I'm a mess.
Electra can't see me like this.
Come on, come on, we got to go.
Hey, cool threads.
Where'd you get them,
secondhand, twice as nice?
No, I don't buy used clothes!
Remember? She's not
impressed with the impressive stuff.
Go get her, you salty sea dog!
Uh, I mean... Why
shop, uh, secondhand
when you can find, like, so
many good clothes in the garbage?
I'm Hercules.
Yeah. Electra.
Uh, listen, I go to Prometheus.
It's a pretty oppressive
tool of the system... I know...
But maybe I'll see
you there sometime.
Oh, that'd be... Uh,
you know, OK, I guess,
You know, if nothing
else comes up, maybe.
OK, cool, maybe.
Batten down the hatches!
Full speed ahead
for love, Matey!
That was pretty good.
You looked really
tormented there.
I know, I know,
I sensed it, too!
It felt so wrong, it
just had to be right!
Oh, come on, she's as
good as yours, buddy!
All you have to do
is not be yourself.
What do you think, guys?
Huh.
Uh, go like this.
You got a little olive
spread on your chin.
It's not olive spread,
Icarus, it's a goatee!
Facial hair is a
sign of edginess.
Actually, it's a
sign of puberty.
Hercules, I don't need a vision
to tell me this
isn't a good idea.
Hey, wait, here she comes!
Better wipe that
interested look off your face.
Hey, Hercules, right?
I guess.
Help me out here...
I'm doing a show
at the pummeled pomegranate,
and on the off chance
that anyone here is
cool enough to handle it,
I want to put these posters up.
Well, that's against
school rules.
I know. How cool is that?
We'll chip away at the
corrupt school administration
from within their own walls.
Radical, huh?
Uh, yeah, radical.
Miss Electra, Mr. Hercules,
The rules are very clear...
Or at least this one is... No
unapproved signs in the halls
or anywhere else,
for that matter.
Yeah, we know.
Uh, what she said.
Still, I suppose I can allow
some leniency... this time.
Take down the
posters, get a shave,
and I'll overlook the
whole incident... Probably.
Phew!
That was close.
Oppressive tyrant.
Pardon me? Would you care
to repeat that, young lady?
I'd be glad to.
I called you an
oppressive tyrant.
You treat us like we have
no right to free expression.
Well, you don't.
You might've thought
you did, but you don't...
Not on school grounds. Sorry.
Uh, Electra, maybe we
should just let this go, huh?
No, no, the system
uses its rules
to suppress an
artistic voice like mine.
If this is what your
artistic voice has to say,
then it deserves
to be suppressed...
Immediately if not sooner.
Yeah, yeah, just
the answer I'd expect
from the corrupt
establishment's excuse of a man.
Again?
Without rules, this school
would be completely overrun
with common criminals, not
to mention substandard art.
I would think you of all people
would know this, Mr. Hercules.
Um... what I know or don't know
doesn't change what
you know I know, right?
So, like why say what I know?
Exactly. Besides, you know what?
This school could
use a little anarchy.
Do you have any idea
what you're suggesting?
Aaah!
Aaah!
I got to watch for that move.
Oh, I can't believe that!
That is just the kind of
wigged-out statement I'd expect
from a sellout like
you, right, Hercules?
Uh... what I feel or don't feel
doesn't change what
you feel I'm feeling, right?
So... So why say what I feel?
Don't drag him into this.
Hercules is generally
a model student...
Clumsiness not withstanding.
OK, buddy, go on, go
on, tear down our posters!
I don't care, because
you know what?
You will never, ever crush
our spirit, right, Hercules?
I think I might agree with that.
If you want spirit in school,
become a cheerleader...
If you can muster
the cheer, that is.
All I'm asking...
and it's not much...
Is that you act like a
courteous school citizen.
Well, then you know what? I
reject my school citizenship.
Just deport me.
I've had quite enough...
And a little more even then.
You two will spend all
of next week in detention.
That should nip your
extremist notions in the bud.
Whatever.
Well, then good day.
And so ends the great
leniency experiment.
Oh, man! Phil's gonna kill me.
Detention? This is perfect.
We'll be martyrs for the
cause of artistic rights.
It's a badge of honor, Hercules.
You know, you are so cool
for having the courage
to stand up to the man.
Uh, yeah, I stood all right.
You did. Hercules, you did.
So, look, will you be
at my show tonight?
If only hope weren't
a useless emotion,
I'd hope you'd be there.
Yeah... I-I mean, uh, you
know, I might make the scene.
I don't know. We'll see.
Cool. I'll see you
there... maybe.
Herc, what's happening,
my fury-fighting friend?
Only the most unprecedented
event in modern history...
A girl asked me on a date!
Hey, outstanding, my man...
Or as the club kids
might say, "Argh, Matey!"
And all you had to do was
deny everything you're about.
Electra doesn't like you,
she likes what you're
pretending to be.
Oh, pish posh...
Mere technicalities.
All I know is it's working.
Why mess with it?
Yeah? There I go,
making sense again,
Just like every
other time I warn you
that you're doing something
that invariably turns out stupid.
She actually asked me out!
Yes, sir! That's right, baby!
You are a love machine!
There's precious little in
this miserable existence
that doesn't make me sick.
Hercules is one of those things.
This poem is for him.
She likes me!
I am the antihero. I
ask, "Who wouldn't be?"
Their triumphs equal zero.
Their ships get lost at sea.
Jason chased a hopeless
quest, Achilles was a heel.
If Perseus was the best,
then, my friend, we
need a whole new deal.
Uh-oh, we're losing Herc.
The clashing, the
bashing, the thrashing...
And when it's all done,
tell me, who has lost...
And who has truly won?
I'll tell you who
wins... you do.
Heroes put their lives
on the line every day
so you can sit around
sipping your sour juice
and talk like a bunch of freaks.
The least you could
do is be grateful.
Hercules, what are
you talking about?
I'm talking about this
whole scene, Electra.
I guess I just don't get it.
I mean, it's the
middle of the night
and I'm wearing sunglasses!
I wanted you to like me,
but you want some guy
who thinks everything
stinks, not a hero in training.
Hero in training?
You're one of those
muscle-bound Jacksandaled thugs
who struts around on
a pretty white horse?
Well, actually, I fly
around on a white horse.
Look, I'm sorry.
I should have leveled
with you sooner.
That might have been the
thing to do, instead of lying!
I just thought that if
you got to know me...
Yeah? Well, how is
that supposed to happen
when you're acting
like somebody else?
Furies? Again?
I mean, again again?
Avast, ye Matey, it be
time to abandon ship!
Oh, darn it!
There goes another one of
Herc's crushes down the drain!
Oh! Why can't he find
a perfect love like ours?
Just lucky, I guess.
Angst from above! Help!
OK, gang, we are
under a fury attack.
Now, I need everyone
to form a single-file line
in an orderly manner.
Hello? Guys?
Wow, you're really a reassuring
presence to the masses.
Hey, what are you doing?
Let me go, you overbearing
tool of oppression!
Electra, you don't believe
heroes are good guys?
Well, I'm gonna show
you how wrong you are.
No, wait!
I know you think heroes are
a bunch of dumb lunkheads
who never think about
what they're doing,
But that is just not true!
Hercules, put me
down! I don't want to go!
Sorry, Electra. This
is for your own safety.
See? I know what I'm doing.
No, you don't, glory
boy! These are my...
Duck!
Yahoo!
Ha ha! See? Isn't this more fun
than hanging out in
some dark, dank club?
No, it's not, Hercules!
Read my lips... These
furies are... whoa!
They keep coming after me.
Must be because I'm a hero.
Oh, yeah, right, it's
all about you, isn't it?
Now, aren't you glad a
hero like me was around
to save you from
those vicious monsters?
Thrilled.
Look around, hero.
Uh-oh.
Don't worry, Electra, I'll
protect you till my last breath.
Ugh! You just don't get it!
They're not after
me, they're my furies!
They come from me!
My anger creates them!
But the first time
they attacked was...
When that jerk hit on you.
And the next time
was when Mr. Parenthesis
took down your posters.
This is me?
Bingo. This is you.
You're this mad?
Oh, yeah.
So a good thing for me to do
would be maybe
let you calm down?
You know what? You're
not even worth my rage.
Look, um, if you
see me at school,
please act like
you don't know me.
Electra, wait.
You've got a darkness in you.
It's bad, but we can beat
it... You and me, together.
Hello! Ding-dong!
Did it ever occur to you
that I might like my furies?
They give me my edge.
They're what separates me
from sunny little squares like you.
Well, if looking for ways to
make a positive difference
in the world makes me a
square, then... then so be it!
I'm happy being a square!
Good, good! That's great!
I'm real happy
for you, Hercules,
because that's what you are!
Ouch.
Well, fight to get
the girl, get the girl.
Fight to lose the
girl, lose the girl.
Fight the tears
because you lost the girl.
Man, you are one complex hero!
I know.
I guess I should just
keep it simple, be myself,
and someone's bound to like me,
and it's not a total loss.
My home away from
Icarus was destroyed.
In what way is
this not a total loss?
I met some different
kind of people,
Heard some kooky
poetry, fought some furies.
It was fun while it lasted.
You can put a positive
spin on anything, can't you?
What can I say? That's just me.
Or as the club kids might say,
"Yargh, laddie, stay the course
through the furious squalls!"
Yargh!
Yeah, that's just
what they might say.
Mutiny says ye!
To the brig with all you
lily-livered swabbies!
♪ Hargh-a-lee yargh
g-g-gargh ga-lee gay ♪
♪ Hargh-a-lee yargh
g-g-gaye ga-dee gaye ♪
♪ Ho-ga-lee go-ga-lee
gaye ga-dee gay... ♪
"glad" in Gladiator? ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Whose daring deeds
are great theater? ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Is he bold? ♪
♪ No one braver ♪
♪ Is he sweet? ♪
♪ Our favorite
flavor, Hercules ♪
- ♪ What a guy ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ask his friends ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ahh, Hercules ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Come on ♪
- ♪ No one's fool ♪
♪ Now the boy's in school ♪
♪ He's in trainin' ♪
♪ Sun is shinin' ♪
♪ And the nicest guy ♪
♪ No complainin' ♪
♪ He was a no one ♪
♪ Zero, zero, give
him a quick deed ♪
♪ He's our hero ♪
♪ He's the most
likely to succeed ♪
♪ From zero to hero ♪
♪ Herc is a hero ♪
♪ He'll be a hero ♪
Wait and see!
What is that?
I just serve 'em, sonny.
Ew! Looks kind of gross!
Don't you even think it!
What is with everybody today?
It's like cupid
went nuts in here.
He did. You just missed it.
Thank Zeus I had a shield.
Oh, man! I'm always missing out.
Haven't we done this
whole no-girlfriend
pity-party thing before?
Herc, take a tip from Dr. Love.
You can't force the romance.
Physician, heal thyself.
What? Am I sick?
More than you know, but go on.
Right. You can't put
love in a headlock
and just wrestle it down.
You got to let love come to you.
Before you know it,
that special someone
will fall right into your lap.
Oh!
Well, I was thinking
of someone less scaly,
but what counts is
that you two are happy.
Hi.
Hey.
Ugh!
Whoa!
Got you.
Ooh, big man...
Your heroics beat the
sea snake into submission,
but that's how the city-state
maintains the balance
of power, isn't it?
Heroes keep the sea
snakes in line, right?
Uh yeah.
And... a-and I caught you, too.
A word to the wise, hero...
I'm no damsel in distress.
Oh, wow!
She's awesome.
Get her out of your mind.
You're not Electra's type.
Electra? Y-you know her?
Yeah. She's a transfer
student from Macedonia.
Ooh, Macedonia...
Home of grunge poetry and
the pomegranate-juice craze.
Edgy.
Oh, y-you got to
introduce me! Please!
Bad idea. Electra would never
go for a wonder boy like you.
She's not into that.
Well, what is she into?
The pummeled pomegranate...
It's an underground club.
I hang here a lot.
What? I've never been here.
I like to think of it as
my home away from you.
Whoa!
Somebody needs to turn
these frowns upside down!
If I had to call
this song anything,
I think I'd name it
"dirge of a broken lute,"
you know what I mean?
But I don't like
names, you know?
They're just too
limiting, you know?
I don't like fences, you know?
Oh, yeah, this reaches me.
Groove to the scene, man,
but don't bogart the vibe.
Let us all ride it.
I can't understand a
word they're saying.
Aw, Herc, you just
have to know their lingo.
Watch and learn,
baby. Watch and learn.
Argh, Matey!
Me hearties be lookin'
for a spot of bilge water.
Can you be directin' us?
♪ Yargh hargh-a-larg argh... ♪
What's the story with this dork?
♪ Yargh g-g-gaye ♪
Oh sorry. We just, uh... sorry.
Unhand me, you scurvy dog!
♪ Hargh-a-larg argh
G-g-gargh ga-lee gaye ♪
Cassandra, the damsel
of doom. The usual?
Sure.
♪ Hargh-a-larg argh... ♪
What? You have a usual?
Who are the wannabes?
Stoolies here to check
out the Electra scene.
Two more juices for them.
Got it.
Three tall pummeled
pomegranates, hold the seeds.
Um, excuse me, ma'am,
instead of pomegranate juice,
could I please just have
a glass of milk instead?
Pfft! Helps you build
strong bones, right?
Yeah. I'm a hero in
training, you know?
Eh, whatever. Pfft!
Did I say something wrong?
Look... Here heroes are
nerds, squares, dweebs.
Gee! Really?
Thanks for proving my point.
Look, if you want
to make this scene,
you got to tone down the
"power of positive thinking" routine.
Oh, I can do that!
I-I am so grim. I am.
Thar she blows!
It's Electra!
S-should I go over there,
or should I send a pomegranate
juice over to her table?
What do I do?
You kick yourself.
Kick myself? Why?
Because you're too late.
Electra...
It bums me to see
you sitting here alone.
We're all alone.
It's the nature of
this cruel existence.
Well, maybe we could
try being alone together.
Oh, man!
No, see, I like the kind of
alone where I'm actually alone.
Really?
We'll give it another 45
minutes just to make sure.
I don't think she likes him.
Oh, come on, Electra.
Maybe we can find some meaning
in this meaningless universe...
Together.
I happen to like my
universe meaningless.
Now step off.
That guy just doesn't get it.
Ix-nay on the Ero-hay.
Electra doesn't dig the "knight
in shining chiton" routine.
Well, if the universe
has no meaning,
then there's no
meaning in the word "no."
Then try these
words... bail, loser!
Ugh! Wicked storm!
Hey, everybody, fury attack!
Uh, not that I care or anything.
I can't ignore this.
You guys stay
here where it's safe.
Aye, Matey!
Keelhaul the lot of 'em!
Um, he's visiting from Persia.
Furies, as a hero in
training, I order you...
Hey, let me go!
Whoa!
Huh?
Ow! Hey!
Cut it out!
Stop it! Ugh!
That wasn't so hard.
Oh, great.
Ahhh!
Aye, that be a
fruity eye-opener!
♪ Hargh-a-larg argh
G-g-gaye ga-dee gaye... ♪
I'll never show my
face here again.
Psst, Cassandra, Icarus!
What are you doing?
I'm a mess.
Electra can't see me like this.
Come on, come on, we got to go.
Hey, cool threads.
Where'd you get them,
secondhand, twice as nice?
No, I don't buy used clothes!
Remember? She's not
impressed with the impressive stuff.
Go get her, you salty sea dog!
Uh, I mean... Why
shop, uh, secondhand
when you can find, like, so
many good clothes in the garbage?
I'm Hercules.
Yeah. Electra.
Uh, listen, I go to Prometheus.
It's a pretty oppressive
tool of the system... I know...
But maybe I'll see
you there sometime.
Oh, that'd be... Uh,
you know, OK, I guess,
You know, if nothing
else comes up, maybe.
OK, cool, maybe.
Batten down the hatches!
Full speed ahead
for love, Matey!
That was pretty good.
You looked really
tormented there.
I know, I know,
I sensed it, too!
It felt so wrong, it
just had to be right!
Oh, come on, she's as
good as yours, buddy!
All you have to do
is not be yourself.
What do you think, guys?
Huh.
Uh, go like this.
You got a little olive
spread on your chin.
It's not olive spread,
Icarus, it's a goatee!
Facial hair is a
sign of edginess.
Actually, it's a
sign of puberty.
Hercules, I don't need a vision
to tell me this
isn't a good idea.
Hey, wait, here she comes!
Better wipe that
interested look off your face.
Hey, Hercules, right?
I guess.
Help me out here...
I'm doing a show
at the pummeled pomegranate,
and on the off chance
that anyone here is
cool enough to handle it,
I want to put these posters up.
Well, that's against
school rules.
I know. How cool is that?
We'll chip away at the
corrupt school administration
from within their own walls.
Radical, huh?
Uh, yeah, radical.
Miss Electra, Mr. Hercules,
The rules are very clear...
Or at least this one is... No
unapproved signs in the halls
or anywhere else,
for that matter.
Yeah, we know.
Uh, what she said.
Still, I suppose I can allow
some leniency... this time.
Take down the
posters, get a shave,
and I'll overlook the
whole incident... Probably.
Phew!
That was close.
Oppressive tyrant.
Pardon me? Would you care
to repeat that, young lady?
I'd be glad to.
I called you an
oppressive tyrant.
You treat us like we have
no right to free expression.
Well, you don't.
You might've thought
you did, but you don't...
Not on school grounds. Sorry.
Uh, Electra, maybe we
should just let this go, huh?
No, no, the system
uses its rules
to suppress an
artistic voice like mine.
If this is what your
artistic voice has to say,
then it deserves
to be suppressed...
Immediately if not sooner.
Yeah, yeah, just
the answer I'd expect
from the corrupt
establishment's excuse of a man.
Again?
Without rules, this school
would be completely overrun
with common criminals, not
to mention substandard art.
I would think you of all people
would know this, Mr. Hercules.
Um... what I know or don't know
doesn't change what
you know I know, right?
So, like why say what I know?
Exactly. Besides, you know what?
This school could
use a little anarchy.
Do you have any idea
what you're suggesting?
Aaah!
Aaah!
I got to watch for that move.
Oh, I can't believe that!
That is just the kind of
wigged-out statement I'd expect
from a sellout like
you, right, Hercules?
Uh... what I feel or don't feel
doesn't change what
you feel I'm feeling, right?
So... So why say what I feel?
Don't drag him into this.
Hercules is generally
a model student...
Clumsiness not withstanding.
OK, buddy, go on, go
on, tear down our posters!
I don't care, because
you know what?
You will never, ever crush
our spirit, right, Hercules?
I think I might agree with that.
If you want spirit in school,
become a cheerleader...
If you can muster
the cheer, that is.
All I'm asking...
and it's not much...
Is that you act like a
courteous school citizen.
Well, then you know what? I
reject my school citizenship.
Just deport me.
I've had quite enough...
And a little more even then.
You two will spend all
of next week in detention.
That should nip your
extremist notions in the bud.
Whatever.
Well, then good day.
And so ends the great
leniency experiment.
Oh, man! Phil's gonna kill me.
Detention? This is perfect.
We'll be martyrs for the
cause of artistic rights.
It's a badge of honor, Hercules.
You know, you are so cool
for having the courage
to stand up to the man.
Uh, yeah, I stood all right.
You did. Hercules, you did.
So, look, will you be
at my show tonight?
If only hope weren't
a useless emotion,
I'd hope you'd be there.
Yeah... I-I mean, uh, you
know, I might make the scene.
I don't know. We'll see.
Cool. I'll see you
there... maybe.
Herc, what's happening,
my fury-fighting friend?
Only the most unprecedented
event in modern history...
A girl asked me on a date!
Hey, outstanding, my man...
Or as the club kids
might say, "Argh, Matey!"
And all you had to do was
deny everything you're about.
Electra doesn't like you,
she likes what you're
pretending to be.
Oh, pish posh...
Mere technicalities.
All I know is it's working.
Why mess with it?
Yeah? There I go,
making sense again,
Just like every
other time I warn you
that you're doing something
that invariably turns out stupid.
She actually asked me out!
Yes, sir! That's right, baby!
You are a love machine!
There's precious little in
this miserable existence
that doesn't make me sick.
Hercules is one of those things.
This poem is for him.
She likes me!
I am the antihero. I
ask, "Who wouldn't be?"
Their triumphs equal zero.
Their ships get lost at sea.
Jason chased a hopeless
quest, Achilles was a heel.
If Perseus was the best,
then, my friend, we
need a whole new deal.
Uh-oh, we're losing Herc.
The clashing, the
bashing, the thrashing...
And when it's all done,
tell me, who has lost...
And who has truly won?
I'll tell you who
wins... you do.
Heroes put their lives
on the line every day
so you can sit around
sipping your sour juice
and talk like a bunch of freaks.
The least you could
do is be grateful.
Hercules, what are
you talking about?
I'm talking about this
whole scene, Electra.
I guess I just don't get it.
I mean, it's the
middle of the night
and I'm wearing sunglasses!
I wanted you to like me,
but you want some guy
who thinks everything
stinks, not a hero in training.
Hero in training?
You're one of those
muscle-bound Jacksandaled thugs
who struts around on
a pretty white horse?
Well, actually, I fly
around on a white horse.
Look, I'm sorry.
I should have leveled
with you sooner.
That might have been the
thing to do, instead of lying!
I just thought that if
you got to know me...
Yeah? Well, how is
that supposed to happen
when you're acting
like somebody else?
Furies? Again?
I mean, again again?
Avast, ye Matey, it be
time to abandon ship!
Oh, darn it!
There goes another one of
Herc's crushes down the drain!
Oh! Why can't he find
a perfect love like ours?
Just lucky, I guess.
Angst from above! Help!
OK, gang, we are
under a fury attack.
Now, I need everyone
to form a single-file line
in an orderly manner.
Hello? Guys?
Wow, you're really a reassuring
presence to the masses.
Hey, what are you doing?
Let me go, you overbearing
tool of oppression!
Electra, you don't believe
heroes are good guys?
Well, I'm gonna show
you how wrong you are.
No, wait!
I know you think heroes are
a bunch of dumb lunkheads
who never think about
what they're doing,
But that is just not true!
Hercules, put me
down! I don't want to go!
Sorry, Electra. This
is for your own safety.
See? I know what I'm doing.
No, you don't, glory
boy! These are my...
Duck!
Yahoo!
Ha ha! See? Isn't this more fun
than hanging out in
some dark, dank club?
No, it's not, Hercules!
Read my lips... These
furies are... whoa!
They keep coming after me.
Must be because I'm a hero.
Oh, yeah, right, it's
all about you, isn't it?
Now, aren't you glad a
hero like me was around
to save you from
those vicious monsters?
Thrilled.
Look around, hero.
Uh-oh.
Don't worry, Electra, I'll
protect you till my last breath.
Ugh! You just don't get it!
They're not after
me, they're my furies!
They come from me!
My anger creates them!
But the first time
they attacked was...
When that jerk hit on you.
And the next time
was when Mr. Parenthesis
took down your posters.
This is me?
Bingo. This is you.
You're this mad?
Oh, yeah.
So a good thing for me to do
would be maybe
let you calm down?
You know what? You're
not even worth my rage.
Look, um, if you
see me at school,
please act like
you don't know me.
Electra, wait.
You've got a darkness in you.
It's bad, but we can beat
it... You and me, together.
Hello! Ding-dong!
Did it ever occur to you
that I might like my furies?
They give me my edge.
They're what separates me
from sunny little squares like you.
Well, if looking for ways to
make a positive difference
in the world makes me a
square, then... then so be it!
I'm happy being a square!
Good, good! That's great!
I'm real happy
for you, Hercules,
because that's what you are!
Ouch.
Well, fight to get
the girl, get the girl.
Fight to lose the
girl, lose the girl.
Fight the tears
because you lost the girl.
Man, you are one complex hero!
I know.
I guess I should just
keep it simple, be myself,
and someone's bound to like me,
and it's not a total loss.
My home away from
Icarus was destroyed.
In what way is
this not a total loss?
I met some different
kind of people,
Heard some kooky
poetry, fought some furies.
It was fun while it lasted.
You can put a positive
spin on anything, can't you?
What can I say? That's just me.
Or as the club kids might say,
"Yargh, laddie, stay the course
through the furious squalls!"
Yargh!
Yeah, that's just
what they might say.
Mutiny says ye!
To the brig with all you
lily-livered swabbies!
♪ Hargh-a-lee yargh
g-g-gargh ga-lee gay ♪
♪ Hargh-a-lee yargh
g-g-gaye ga-dee gaye ♪
♪ Ho-ga-lee go-ga-lee
gaye ga-dee gay... ♪