Hercules (1998–1999): Season 1, Episode 20 - Hercules and the Disappearing Heroes - full transcript

♪ Who put the
"glad" in Gladiator? ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Whose daring deeds
are great theater? ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Is he bold? ♪

♪ No one braver ♪

♪ Is he sweet? ♪

♪ Our favorite
flavor, Hercules ♪

- ♪ What a guy ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪

- ♪ Ask his friends ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪



- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ahh, Hercules ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

- ♪ Come on ♪
- ♪ No one's fool ♪

♪ Now the boy's in school ♪

♪ He's in trainin' ♪

♪ Sun is shinin' ♪

♪ And the nicest guy ♪

♪ No complainin' ♪

♪ He was a no one ♪

♪ Zero, zero, give
him a quick deed ♪

♪ He's our hero ♪

♪ He's the most
likely to succeed ♪

♪ From zero to hero ♪

♪ Herc is a hero ♪



♪ He'll be a hero ♪

Wait and see!

All right, bowling
rule number one...

Keep your eye on the pins.

Not a problem when one
is keen of sight as I am.

Stee-rike!

Yes, yes, yes,
yes, yes, yes, whoa!

Lucky roll.

I heard that.

Hey?

OK, Nester's got the
eyes, and Mel has the ears,

but Herc's got the
power! Right, kid?

Doh!

Someone's not clear on the
whole bowling and bonding concept.

Stinkin' scroll worm.

Kid, you're embarrassing me.

Huh? Oh, sorry.

I'm reading the latest
scroll by Odysseus.

Man, is he cunning.

Cunning hero, lousy bowler.

You guys know Odysseus?

Know him? He owes
me 20 drachma, the bum.

Hey, are we going to yak,
or are we going to bowl?

You're up, kid.

OK, concentrate.

Tuck in the chicken wing!

Shh!

Keep the elbow straight and...

Ha, do I get bonus points
for taking the wall down?

Phil, your boy's got to
learn to control himself.

Like me.

Uh-oh. Oh!

Snack run!

Yippee! Yippee!

Herc, there's more to
bowling than strength.

It takes finesse.

Right, right, I got it, Phil.

Mmm.

Hello.

You new here?

Huh?

The regular girl
couldn't make it.

Give me some calamara
olives. They're big and black...

like your eyes, huh?

Speaking of eyes...

- yours are incredible.
- Oh!

And your ears.

Whew!

Yeah, name's Meliager.

I can hear a flea
sneeze at 50 hectares.

And right now, I can
hear the flapping of wings.

Birds?

No.

Insects?

No.

Whatever it is sounds very...

Flying wolves, perhaps?

That's it. How did you know?

They're with me.

Support staff, if you will.

Proud to serve.

Whoa, sounds like there's
somebody who bowls worse than you.

Hey, you're that witch!

Hecate.

Aah!

Hey.

Hey, at least I got
the pins this time.

Let's go home.

- Huh?
- Huh?

It's an honor to present
this golden sundial

to one tough trooper... Mentor.

You think I'm too
old? Think again.

Come on, you scrawny runts.

Who thinks they can take me?

I do.

Ha ha. Me, too.

Is this some kind of joke?

Negative, sir.

Those mangy coyotes look
like they mean business.

Take 'em down, troopers!

Hey!

Block the exits, men.

They got Mentor!

Get 'em! You big fat bums!

Mentor!

Let's see... It's around
here some place.

Forget it. Let's go.

Ha, here it is!

I failed you, sir.

I'm not fit to shine
your sandals.

- Hello?
- Huh?

Uh, city state
trooper Chipacles.

Do you remember me?

Buzz off, punk. I got no time...

Well, well, if it
isn't the goat man.

What did they bring you
in for this time, Mr. Phil?

I don't have to take
that from you, flatfoot!

What... what Phil means to say

is that we're here
to report a crime.

I got no time for your
petty problems, punk!

A heroic peace officer
has been kidnapped.

You see? Let's go.

But we're also here to
report kidnapped heroes.

Hold it!

I want to hear every word of
your story from the beginning.

Oh, please, a hulking creature

crafted of magical marble
and reinforced bronze?

Yeah, what witch hasn't
made one of those, huh?

Mine is special.

He's just needy.

But then, that's
why you're here.

Huh?

I feel terrible.

Huh? Huh? I didn't
hear what you said.

The vision of Nester

and the hearing of Meliager.

Now, these are the
qualities that make a monster!

- Mmm. Mmm!
- What is it, boy?

You hear something?

Mmm!

It's my loyal imp, you say,

and they've got another hero?

Mm-hmm.

Yes, mother knows.

Let me go, hairball!

Well, I'll say one thing for
the old coot, he is tough.

A lengthy career in civil
service will do that to you.

That's right, flea bag!

And I was about to get my golden
sundial for that lengthy career.

You people owe me
one golden sundial.

After all those years...

the best they could
do is a golden sundial?

I can relate.

Years of service in the
cause of immortal evil

and this is all I get!

Poor Hecate.

Yeah, I know who you are,

and I know your sob story.

Why can't I run the underworld?

Huh? Huh? I can't hear
him. What did he say?

He's mocking her
and her life's ambition.

Ooh, he's tough.

Cry me a river Styx, lady.

You want to get ahead
in the underworld?

You gotta get tough!

Can do.

That takes care of toughness.

Boo.

Aah!

D-don't hurt me, please!

I think my creature is
really coming into his own.

Your objective of underworld
takeover is inevitable now.

As if there was
ever really any doubt.

Mentor... Nester... Meliager...

All heroes... All gone.

Question... Who's behind it?

Um, those winged wolves
that got Mentor work for Hecate.

The witch!

You're talking underworld.

And to make a case like
that stick, you need proof.

Isn't that your job?

Don't push me, goat man.

Uh, Phil, you know that
new scroll by Odysseus?

The one you can't keep
your nose out of? Yeah.

Odysseus is in Athens
for a scroll signing tour.

Kid, he's one of
my former students.

If you want an
autograph, I'll get you one,

but let's keep our minds on
the disappearing heroes, OK?

No, Phil, if you were
kidnapping heroes,

would pass up a
chance to get Odysseus?

He could be next.

Let's roll!

Don't panic, people. Take cover!

I'm guessing you're not
here to get an autograph.

Aren't you the clever one?

I prefer cunning.

Either way, you're mine.

Whoa!

Ha ha. How do you
like that, Hecate?

Yeah, yeah, real cunning.

Capture him already!

Oh, yeah, they're
here all right.

I can smell 'em.

Huh!

Magic show's over, witch.

I'm shutting you down.

Oh!

Toodles.

Oh.

Kid, being a hero
is a lot like bowling.

You gotta use more
than just strength.

So, what's your plan?

Who in one is as cunning
as Odysseus which I now am,

one thinks on one's feet.

Tell you what, I'll
break down that door

and then use all my powers
to defeat Hades, huh?

I approve.

Come on, this is the easy part.

"Eyes like an eagle...
Tough as nails."

Wait a minute.

Tear this apart.

How could I have missed it?

It's perfectly understandable.

You've been so busy lately.

My creature needs strength!

And now, Athens'
favorite daytime host...

Merv Griffin.

Hey, thank you, thank you.

Wow, what a terrific group!

You know, Athens' audiences

are the greatest audiences
in the known world.

This idea of yours better work.

Hey, the one thing she
doesn't have is strength,

which happens to be
something Herc's got in spades.

Our first guess is the son of
Zeus, but he was raised by mortals.

Now, we're going to
be talking about that...

Heroism, his amazing
strength, and a lot, lot more.

Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome Hercules.

One super strong
hero... as advertised.

Hercules, you know, suddenly,

all of Athens is talking about
your heroic displays of strength.

But it seems like you came out of
nowhere, like an overnight sensation.

Well, Merv, it's
taken me 16 years

to become an
overnight sensation.

Yeah, but come on now, really,
what's it like to be a demigod?

I mean, half god and half man.

Well, it's not half bad.

That's a good one, Herc.

Wow. Now, let's go to
the audience out here.

Who's got a question
for our guest?

Oh, are you married?

And if not, how do you feel
about dating older women?

Ha, um...

Well, dear, if it
doesn't work out,

I'd be happy to step in.

Though I doubt I
could keep up with you.

Ok, the young
fellow right over here.

Merv, we want to see
some feats of strength.

Ha, no problem.

Ooh! Wow!

Hey, that's strong.

Naw, I mean, like, an extreme
display of freakish strength.

Wow! Well, hey!

You see, the trick is
to lift from the knees.

My friend here wants
to be as strong as you.

Heh... sorry. I
was born this way.

Gee, my friend wasn't
born. I made him.

You think that matters?

That's her! That's
her! Move in, men!

Ugh! Can't... hold
the... building...

Ooh-hoo-hoo!

Ooh, that looked painful.

Well, you seem like a nice young man,
and we wanna thank you for coming.

What a tragedy.

What a show! Hey,
we'll be right back!

Mousaka... again?

I can't take it, man!

I gotta get out of here!

What'd he say? Huh?

Somebody hold me.

Time's running out...

and we're the only ones
who can stop Hecate.

Mr. Odysseus, you
must have a plan.

Hmm... well, we could
politely ask them to let us go.

Oh, who am I kidding?
I haven't got a clue!

Did somebody here
order a bust-out?

Hey, Phil, you found us!

The old-fashioned way...

Through solid
police investigation.

He means we followed you.

Mentor, sir, are you all right?

Stay back! Don't
come any closer.

I want that witch.

Hey, no problem.

You're talking to the greatest
heroes in all of Greece.

Huh? I didn't
catch that last part.

Used to be the greatest.

I'm damaged goods now.

But Hecate only took
one thing from each of us.

So we're still
heroes, right, Phil?

Uh, sure, kid. I mean,
that makes sense on paper.

Er... in combat conditions
against a monster, er...

Let's go!

You sure come down here a
lot for someone who's not dead.

Well, I'm a hero...
Well, in training...

So I go wherever the battle
takes me, even the underworld.

Then may I suggest our
multiple fare discount ticket?

Saves time and money.

No, thanks.

We also have a
frequent-dyer program.

Gaaah! Ohh...

I'm this close to
winning the cruise.

OK, junior, how do you plan on
stopping Hecate and that creature?

We show them that Odysseus isn't
the only one who can be cunning.

Nester, what's the worst
thing about incredible eyesight?

Bright lights. Hate 'em!

Oh, I think I see where
you're going with this.

Where?

Hmm... looks like
Hades is out and about.

Always the same
story... Hurry up and wait.

The wait's over, Hecate!

Well, look who's here...
the former heroes.

Take care of 'em.

But that would be like
wiping out a part of myself.

Oh, well. No big deal.

Hey, big eyes!

Yaah!

Hey, how do you like
the big ears now, huh?

Dee-yaagh!

Gaah! Ooh! Ohh! Yii!

Ha ha! Guess you're not the
only one who's cunning, huh?

Don't get too smug, weakling.
As soon as I get out of this, I'll...

Uhh! Yuhh...

Get up. Come on. Let's
go. Rise and shine. Let's go.

Yo! Marblehead!

Well, that tears it!

I might not be
able to stop Hades,

but I most certainly
can do away with you all!

Whoa! Well! Well, well!

Isn't this an interesting
little tableau?

So, anybody wanna tell me
what's happening here, hmm?

Don't be shy now. Come on...

Speak up. Let's
get it off our chest.

Hecate! Dollface,
babe, what gives?

Come on, talk to
me... Like, now!

Uh, well, there's really
a simple explanation.

Ho, ho, Hecate. She's
just being modest.

Somebody stole our heroic traits

and put them into this
creature so he could defeat you.

As soon as I got
wind of the plan,

I rushed down to stop it.

Hence the wreckage around you.

So, now Hecate's going
to magically transfer

our powers back to us.

Isn't that right, Hecate?

What can I say?
I'm touched. I'm...

This is like another side of
you I'm seeing. I'm touched.

Well, the underworld
is my life... so to speak.

My life! That's a... good one!

Hey, uh, don't go away.

Make us whole again, or
I spill the beans to Hades.

Very cunning. You've got her

between a rock and a, um...

Uh... something.

Nice work, kid.

Hey, there's more to being a
hero than just strength, right?

Just a small token of my
appreciation. Love you. Mean it.

Call me every 10 minutes.

I've got just the place for it.

Fall over right now,

or I'm coming down there to teach
you a lesson you'll never forget!

Now, that's tough.

Uh, listen, goat man,

maybe I had you figured wrong.

You and the kid,
well, you did good.

Ah, you, too. Truce?

Nice strike, sir.

Touch me again, and
I'll pound you so flat,

you'll have to look
up to look down.

Come on, Herc.

The kid's on his way to
becoming a well-rounded hero.

His bowling, on the other
hand, definitely needs work.

Hey, you guys have
been a great audience.

I'm gonna be back tomorrow, and
we've got more excitement for you.

Aries is gonna be here,
and of course, Salome,

with only six of her veils.

We'll find the seventh.

See you all tomorrow. Bye!