Hercules (1998–1999): Season 1, Episode 19 - Hercules and the Hostage Crisis - full transcript
♪ Who put the
"glad" in Gladiator? ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Whose daring deeds
are great theater? ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Is he bold? ♪
♪ No one braver ♪
♪ Is he sweet? ♪
♪ Our favorite
flavor, Hercules ♪
- ♪ What a guy ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ask his friends ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ahh, Hercules ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Come on ♪
- ♪ No one's fool ♪
♪ Now the boy's in school ♪
♪ He's in trainin' ♪
♪ Sun is shinin' ♪
♪ And the nicest guy ♪
♪ No complainin' ♪
♪ He was a no one ♪
♪ Zero, zero, give
him a quick deed ♪
♪ He's our hero ♪
♪ He's the most
likely to succeed ♪
♪ From zero to hero ♪
♪ Herc is a hero ♪
♪ He'll be a hero ♪
Wait and see!
Long, long ago, in
ancient, ancient Greece,
elemental chaos ruled the earth.
It was the dark
age of the Titans.
The mighty Zeus himself stepped
up and stopped the pandemonium.
Safely imprisoned
beneath the deepest sea,
the Titans ruled no more.
Gods and mortals alike rejoiced.
Everyone was happy.
Well, almost everyone.
Comrades! The noble Titans
have been captive too long.
We demand their freedom!
Yes!
Today we bring the usurper Zeus
to his 60-cubit-high knees!
Yes!
Today Zeus shall know and fear
the people's organization
of titanic liberators!
Yes!
For today, we target the
Prometheus Academy,
for it is there
we shall seize the usurper's
own flesh and blood...
Hercules!
Pootl! Pootl!
Oh, wow. Icarus, what
happened in there?
You're crying.
Ohh!
Tears of joy, my friend!
Tears o' joy.
My career-destiny reading.
Read it, and you,
too, shall weep.
It says you're destined for
a career in a Greek chorus?
That's right!
Musical theater, baby!
A Greek chorus line.
Oh, Gods! I hope I get it.
Hercules.
So, Mr. Parenthesis, sir,
how does this career test work?
With great exactitude
and a bucket of oxen guts.
Oxen... Guts.
Minus the kidneys. Too slippery.
For generations, we have used
the oracular reading of oxen guts
to predict our
students' careers...
or lack thereof.
Yeggh.
Couldn't you use some sort
of... aptitude test instead?
We tried that.
The oxen guts were
more accurate by 72%.
- Aha!
- What is it?
These guts clearly
indicate, alpha...
That this ox needed
more roughage,
and, beta... that you are
destined for a career as a liberator.
A liberator?
Oh. You mean someone
who frees people,
does good deeds?
Ha ha! Sounds like a hero to me.
Whoops. Misread the pancreas.
My mistake.
You're not going
to be a liberator.
You're going to be a librarian.
What?
No way.
Librarians hang out
in... Eegh! Libraries.
I'm a hero-in-training.
Hercules, we live in
an age of learning...
Reason, Philosophy...
With the occasional sacrifice.
There is simply no
place in the modern world
for the mindless, sweaty,
hairy-backed
machismo of the hero.
What's all this, then?
Another "Beat Sparta" rally?
No. It couldn't be.
But it is. No, it
isn't. Yes, it is.
It's Pootls! Hide!
Why? They're so cute,
with those poofy little tails.
Not poodles.
Pootls!
The Popular... or
is it the People's...
Organization of
Titanic Liberators.
It's a radical group who
want to return to the dark age
when Titans ruled the earth.
Hah. This is where
you need a hero... ugh!
Tsk tsk tsk. A head is
a terrible thing to waste.
We'll reason our
way out of this,
if I can find the right page.
Uh, uh... Ilcarus,
your flair for the
dance is stunning,
but we are practicing
the joy of javelins today.
Come on, Mr. Phys Oedipus!
Soft sandal, everybody.
Oh! Dance, ten. Brains, three.
Huh.
Well, that doesn't
sound very soft.
Ooh-ooh! Transfer students.
Oh, I see you're ready...
Ready for javelin day. Great!
That'll be a lovely
olive soufflé, Helen.
Does anyone know
why we always, always,
always keep a
soufflé on the fire?
Cassandra?
You just never know
who's going to pop by.
That's right, Cassandra.
That's exactly right.
Like the invading Titanists
outside our classroom.
Oh!
Barbarian!
A gentleman should always
abduct a lady from the left.
Uh, sorry, ma'am.
Full classroom emptiness
99.9% double confirmed
and re-verified, sir!
Where is Hercules?
Uh, well, sir, he's the .1.
Whereabouts currently
negatively known,
uh, sir!
Students of the
Prometheus Academy,
we are the Pootls.
Oh, the poodles,
like the fluffy dog.
No, not like the fluffy dog.
We are the Peoples'
Organization of Titanic Liberators.
And you, boys and
girls, are our hostages.
Ooh! I always wanted
to be a hostage.
It's so edgy. The bewilderment,
the unspeakable
mind-bending terror.
Actually, it's a lot like
hanging out with you.
Cooperate and
everything will be just figgy.
Now, can anyone tell
me the whereabouts
of one of your little friends
by the name of Hercules?
Ha! Poodle boy doesn't know
is that our hero-in-residence
is in Parenthesis' office.
Adonis, I can't stay here.
I have an olive soufflé
in the home grec oven.
It'll just be a disaster.
Fear not, my princess,
I will speak with
this uncouth ruffian.
Excuse me, I believe
you are the lead poodle.
Top dog if you will.
Top dog, ah, me.
Yes, well, look.
Daddums is richer than a
chocolate-covered falafel ball.
Let us go and you can fill
in any amount you'd like.
There is no price tag
on freedom, rich boy.
Now, where is Hercules?
Oh, no. We nobles have
a very strict code of honor.
I could never
betray a classmate.
Very well.
Major Bias, prepare a hot bath
for this honorable young noble.
Oh, that's better. Thank you.
A bath of boiling oil.
He's in Parenthesis' office.
Retrieve him at once.
Adonis, how could you?
Well, what can I say?
We nobles also have a very
strong instinct for self-preservation.
Get ready for
some heroic action.
No, Hercules.
These blue scrolls,
copyright the
Minoan construction
and commode company,
and human reason
are our best weapons.
Aha. Here it is.
Commence non-traditional
entry maneuvers.
Negative herculean presence.
Effect return to
operations center, ASAP.
See there? A perfect example
of the superiority of reason
over impulsive action.
Now, please save us
from that giant aqueduct rat,
man-eating variety, while
I ponder our next step.
Ow!
Capital! This branch of
the aqueduct goes directly
and conveniently to the Athens
police department's men's room.
There. Reason has saved us.
Reason wasn't the one
kicking rat tail back there.
Let's see now, uh,
this way will take
us to the cafeterium.
Whatever reason dictates.
All right, look alive, men.
The Athens P.D.
received an urgent S.O.S.
about rampaging poodles.
We've called in the expert.
The dog catcher.
We are not poodles,
we are Pootls!
The People's Organization
of Titanic Liberators.
Uh, this canine
confusion is a negative, sir.
I know.
We are to be taken seriously.
We have demands!
Sorry to waste your time.
What are your demands?
I demand to speak with Zeus!
Forget it!
Zeus has a strict "No
negotiating with Titanists" policy.
But I'll run it by him.
You see? Brain power, my boy,
has allowed us...
Shh! There's the leader.
Soon Zeus himself will cower.
Be proud, my Pootls!
They're holding
the school hostage.
A classic hero situation.
Heroics and reckless horseplay
are forbidden in the cafeterium.
Hercules, stop!
This means detention.
Hercules.
As a hero-in-training,
I must request
that you release these
innocent students and surrender.
I think not.
Spawn of Zeus!
Aah.
Sorry. Sometimes I don't
know my own strength.
That makes two of us.
Uh-oh.
Ye Gods and minor deities,
the incredibly horrible
giant and half-titan Antaeus.
Aah! Aah!
Feels like... a
whole Titan to me.
Hero to plush
toy, just like that.
Hercules!
And so, sirens blaring,
the Athens P.D. raced
to the temple of Zeus
with the grim news.
This is gonna go over
like a bronze balloon.
You're having trouble with
a bunch of fluffy doggies?
No, sir. The Pootls.
A pack of
Titan-loving extremists.
They want you
to free the Titans.
What? Free the Titans?
Do you have any idea what it was
like in the dark age of the Titans?
Dark?
It was bedlam! Pandemonium!
The unrelenting bleakness
of primordial chaos.
Plus there was this nasty odor.
And they want to
go back to that?
I'll inform the Titanists that you
will not give in to their demand.
Don't bother. Heh, I'll deal
with the Titanists myself.
Hephaestus! Charge
up the bolts, baby!
Herc? Herc-meister?
Come on, come on, buddy.
How many fingers am
I holding up? Come on.
Uh, that's a trick question.
They're toes, all toes.
His sundial's been rung.
Let me see, school taken by
Pootls, students held hostage,
hero-in-training confounded...
This calls for
immediate thought.
Plan alpha... Do
nothing, very tempting.
Plan beta... What of my soufflé?
Uh, can't somebody do something
before we have a culinary disaster.
I can.
Deep in each one of
us is a special ability,
I know it, you know
it, the ox guts know it.
Now, it's time for my
gods given talent to shine.
Icarus...
♪ Hello, my dolma,
hello, my date loaf ♪
♪ Hello, my psychic gal ♪
♪ Yakka-ta-ta, yakka-ta-ta ♪
Ta-da!
Break a leg, Icarus.
Or two, ideally.
You can't keep this kind of
talent from the world, baby.
Now come on, let us go.
Jazz hands, everybody.
Musical theater.
Yeah, isn't it magical?
I hate musical theater.
Oh, even rock opera?
Hey, leave him alone!
Ah, spawn of the usurper.
Still feeling heroic?
No! Think!
That's right, Antaeus.
No more Mr. Thinking guy.
I don't care how big
and rocky you are.
I'm a hero-in-training
and I... Titanist!
Hold that thought, would you?
Zeus has heard your demand.
He'll be here momentarily
to deliver his reply personally.
Excellent. Sorry,
you were saying?
I was saying, I'm
a hero-in-training.
You can keep me, but you'd
better release my friends,
or... or else!
All right. OK, you asked for...
Huh? You'll let them go?
Well, uh, oh, great. Uh, thanks.
It's my pleasure.
Major Bias, release
the other students.
Sir, yes, sir!
Oh, yes!
Sweet freedom.
The 2-step combo
gets them every time.
Zeus is gonna
give these Titanists
a one-way ticket to Hades.
But Hercules is still in there.
Oh, don't worry,
my little ingenue.
Herc has some fancy
footwork of his own.
Heh, I knew a little
action was all we needed.
The hostages are
free. Problem solved.
That, my heroic friend, is
where you are mistaken.
You are the only hostage I need.
I always planned
to let the others go.
Oh, oh... oh.
You heroes are so strong on
action, and so weak on reason.
There.
The perfectly reasoned attack.
You'll never get away
with this. My father will...
Do exactly as I say.
Zeus will not endanger his son,
his demi-godling.
You see, Hercules,
we are much alike, you and I.
Caught between two worlds.
Except I'm good and you're evil.
Now you're splitting hairs.
I'm so sorry, I beg
your pardon, but...
Oops. Recommend
prisoner evacuation
to low or non-risk
location, sir!
Very well, Major.
Hey, where are we going?
Parenthesis!
As you can see,
my, if I may say so,
cleverly reasoned subterfuge
has effected your escape,
which your heroics, brave
as they may be, could not.
Hercules.
Isn't the Colossus
supposed to be in Rhodes?
Well, speaking as a former
Rhodes scholar honorary,
this certainly isn't
that Colossus.
Hello! Enter Zeus.
Sweet Mother Earth!
Lay down your thunderbolt
of oppression, tyrant.
Behold my hostage.
Son?
Uh, hi, Dad.
Hercules.
Sorry, Father.
I got all the other
hostages out, though.
That's good, son, that's good.
- Where are you going?
- To release the Titans.
It's not worth losing
you over, my boy.
Ah, Zeus, I'm so glad you
see things in a reasonable light.
No, Father, wait! I
can't let him do this.
My plan, though I hate to
admit it, seems to have failed.
Uh, do you suppose you
could, uh, smash these rocks?
Ha ha! Now you're talking.
You will not escape.
Ah, says you.
I'm beginning to appreciate
this acting heroic business.
Oh, no.
But on the other hand, I
do hear very good things
about running
away in terror. Aah!
If it's not too much trouble,
where are we going?
The front gate is that way.
Heh, I know. But we're
going to the library.
Aah!
Here. Fight them off.
Really now...
Let's discuss this
reasonably, say tomorrow?
Ooh!
Adrenaline rush!
Or is it my bladder?
Hey, not bad.
Come on!
Lovely soufflé. Olive, I think.
- Yes!
- Great explosion!
Ooh, good thinking, too.
Uh-oh.
We better hit the scrolls, fast.
Poseidon, reveal the Titans.
You heard me, Po-Po.
Ammunition.
"Homer, Hacied, heroic's digest,
how to win frays and
influence monsters."
Hey, this is pretty cool stuff.
Ha! "The complete works
of Pindar unabridged."
This baby will do some damage.
Uh, that's not
what I had in mind.
Oh, here we go, here
we go, now we're talking.
Ooh. What's that?
"Social registry of Gods,
Titans, and other immortals.
Copyright Hyperion
scribes, all rights reserved."
This way!
Uh, "Aeolus,
Amalthea... Antaeus!
Half-titan, rocky son
of Gaia the Earth..."
Son of Gaia! That's it!
Whenever he touches the
Earth Gaia gives him strength.
My secret is out.
I'm crushed.
Not yet.
But you will be.
Whoa!
Down, Pootls, down!
No! Stop it, stop it right now!
Put me down!
I think not!
Aah!
Back off.
Stinkin' Titans.
Aah! Oh!
Antaeus. Ha. Guess your
plan went down the drain.
Usurper!
Poseidon, shut 'em up!
All right, all right.
All Pootls in the
dog catcher's wagon.
And don't try this or any
other skullduggery again.
Bye! It certainly was a
treat having you in class.
Have a great summer... in jail.
Show stopper, baby!
Hey, Pootls, next time
rehearse out of town.
And then I, in
truly royal fashion,
saved my fellow students
from certain doom.
You? All you did was
royally rat out Hercules.
And if I hadn't, he
wouldn't have been there
to rescue us, now would he?
My soufflé?
Uh, I'm sorry.
It didn't make it.
Oh.
Uh, you wanted to see me?
Ah, yes, Hercules.
Come in, come in.
I've decided that our
old scientific method
of career guidance using ox guts
was unsatisfactory,
particularly for the ox.
Aah!
You have proven to me
that there's always
room in the modern world
for a reasoning
hero, such as yourself.
So, perhaps you'd like
to form a heroics club,
extracurricular, of course?
Aw, that's OK. I get plenty
of hero-training with Phil.
But, um, I, uh, was thinking
a hero should exercise
his brawn and his brain.
So I, heh, I was wondering...
could I work in the
library part-time?
Deal. If you'll teach me some of
those totally radical spear tricks.
Ow!
"glad" in Gladiator? ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Whose daring deeds
are great theater? ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Is he bold? ♪
♪ No one braver ♪
♪ Is he sweet? ♪
♪ Our favorite
flavor, Hercules ♪
- ♪ What a guy ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ask his friends ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ahh, Hercules ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Come on ♪
- ♪ No one's fool ♪
♪ Now the boy's in school ♪
♪ He's in trainin' ♪
♪ Sun is shinin' ♪
♪ And the nicest guy ♪
♪ No complainin' ♪
♪ He was a no one ♪
♪ Zero, zero, give
him a quick deed ♪
♪ He's our hero ♪
♪ He's the most
likely to succeed ♪
♪ From zero to hero ♪
♪ Herc is a hero ♪
♪ He'll be a hero ♪
Wait and see!
Long, long ago, in
ancient, ancient Greece,
elemental chaos ruled the earth.
It was the dark
age of the Titans.
The mighty Zeus himself stepped
up and stopped the pandemonium.
Safely imprisoned
beneath the deepest sea,
the Titans ruled no more.
Gods and mortals alike rejoiced.
Everyone was happy.
Well, almost everyone.
Comrades! The noble Titans
have been captive too long.
We demand their freedom!
Yes!
Today we bring the usurper Zeus
to his 60-cubit-high knees!
Yes!
Today Zeus shall know and fear
the people's organization
of titanic liberators!
Yes!
For today, we target the
Prometheus Academy,
for it is there
we shall seize the usurper's
own flesh and blood...
Hercules!
Pootl! Pootl!
Oh, wow. Icarus, what
happened in there?
You're crying.
Ohh!
Tears of joy, my friend!
Tears o' joy.
My career-destiny reading.
Read it, and you,
too, shall weep.
It says you're destined for
a career in a Greek chorus?
That's right!
Musical theater, baby!
A Greek chorus line.
Oh, Gods! I hope I get it.
Hercules.
So, Mr. Parenthesis, sir,
how does this career test work?
With great exactitude
and a bucket of oxen guts.
Oxen... Guts.
Minus the kidneys. Too slippery.
For generations, we have used
the oracular reading of oxen guts
to predict our
students' careers...
or lack thereof.
Yeggh.
Couldn't you use some sort
of... aptitude test instead?
We tried that.
The oxen guts were
more accurate by 72%.
- Aha!
- What is it?
These guts clearly
indicate, alpha...
That this ox needed
more roughage,
and, beta... that you are
destined for a career as a liberator.
A liberator?
Oh. You mean someone
who frees people,
does good deeds?
Ha ha! Sounds like a hero to me.
Whoops. Misread the pancreas.
My mistake.
You're not going
to be a liberator.
You're going to be a librarian.
What?
No way.
Librarians hang out
in... Eegh! Libraries.
I'm a hero-in-training.
Hercules, we live in
an age of learning...
Reason, Philosophy...
With the occasional sacrifice.
There is simply no
place in the modern world
for the mindless, sweaty,
hairy-backed
machismo of the hero.
What's all this, then?
Another "Beat Sparta" rally?
No. It couldn't be.
But it is. No, it
isn't. Yes, it is.
It's Pootls! Hide!
Why? They're so cute,
with those poofy little tails.
Not poodles.
Pootls!
The Popular... or
is it the People's...
Organization of
Titanic Liberators.
It's a radical group who
want to return to the dark age
when Titans ruled the earth.
Hah. This is where
you need a hero... ugh!
Tsk tsk tsk. A head is
a terrible thing to waste.
We'll reason our
way out of this,
if I can find the right page.
Uh, uh... Ilcarus,
your flair for the
dance is stunning,
but we are practicing
the joy of javelins today.
Come on, Mr. Phys Oedipus!
Soft sandal, everybody.
Oh! Dance, ten. Brains, three.
Huh.
Well, that doesn't
sound very soft.
Ooh-ooh! Transfer students.
Oh, I see you're ready...
Ready for javelin day. Great!
That'll be a lovely
olive soufflé, Helen.
Does anyone know
why we always, always,
always keep a
soufflé on the fire?
Cassandra?
You just never know
who's going to pop by.
That's right, Cassandra.
That's exactly right.
Like the invading Titanists
outside our classroom.
Oh!
Barbarian!
A gentleman should always
abduct a lady from the left.
Uh, sorry, ma'am.
Full classroom emptiness
99.9% double confirmed
and re-verified, sir!
Where is Hercules?
Uh, well, sir, he's the .1.
Whereabouts currently
negatively known,
uh, sir!
Students of the
Prometheus Academy,
we are the Pootls.
Oh, the poodles,
like the fluffy dog.
No, not like the fluffy dog.
We are the Peoples'
Organization of Titanic Liberators.
And you, boys and
girls, are our hostages.
Ooh! I always wanted
to be a hostage.
It's so edgy. The bewilderment,
the unspeakable
mind-bending terror.
Actually, it's a lot like
hanging out with you.
Cooperate and
everything will be just figgy.
Now, can anyone tell
me the whereabouts
of one of your little friends
by the name of Hercules?
Ha! Poodle boy doesn't know
is that our hero-in-residence
is in Parenthesis' office.
Adonis, I can't stay here.
I have an olive soufflé
in the home grec oven.
It'll just be a disaster.
Fear not, my princess,
I will speak with
this uncouth ruffian.
Excuse me, I believe
you are the lead poodle.
Top dog if you will.
Top dog, ah, me.
Yes, well, look.
Daddums is richer than a
chocolate-covered falafel ball.
Let us go and you can fill
in any amount you'd like.
There is no price tag
on freedom, rich boy.
Now, where is Hercules?
Oh, no. We nobles have
a very strict code of honor.
I could never
betray a classmate.
Very well.
Major Bias, prepare a hot bath
for this honorable young noble.
Oh, that's better. Thank you.
A bath of boiling oil.
He's in Parenthesis' office.
Retrieve him at once.
Adonis, how could you?
Well, what can I say?
We nobles also have a very
strong instinct for self-preservation.
Get ready for
some heroic action.
No, Hercules.
These blue scrolls,
copyright the
Minoan construction
and commode company,
and human reason
are our best weapons.
Aha. Here it is.
Commence non-traditional
entry maneuvers.
Negative herculean presence.
Effect return to
operations center, ASAP.
See there? A perfect example
of the superiority of reason
over impulsive action.
Now, please save us
from that giant aqueduct rat,
man-eating variety, while
I ponder our next step.
Ow!
Capital! This branch of
the aqueduct goes directly
and conveniently to the Athens
police department's men's room.
There. Reason has saved us.
Reason wasn't the one
kicking rat tail back there.
Let's see now, uh,
this way will take
us to the cafeterium.
Whatever reason dictates.
All right, look alive, men.
The Athens P.D.
received an urgent S.O.S.
about rampaging poodles.
We've called in the expert.
The dog catcher.
We are not poodles,
we are Pootls!
The People's Organization
of Titanic Liberators.
Uh, this canine
confusion is a negative, sir.
I know.
We are to be taken seriously.
We have demands!
Sorry to waste your time.
What are your demands?
I demand to speak with Zeus!
Forget it!
Zeus has a strict "No
negotiating with Titanists" policy.
But I'll run it by him.
You see? Brain power, my boy,
has allowed us...
Shh! There's the leader.
Soon Zeus himself will cower.
Be proud, my Pootls!
They're holding
the school hostage.
A classic hero situation.
Heroics and reckless horseplay
are forbidden in the cafeterium.
Hercules, stop!
This means detention.
Hercules.
As a hero-in-training,
I must request
that you release these
innocent students and surrender.
I think not.
Spawn of Zeus!
Aah.
Sorry. Sometimes I don't
know my own strength.
That makes two of us.
Uh-oh.
Ye Gods and minor deities,
the incredibly horrible
giant and half-titan Antaeus.
Aah! Aah!
Feels like... a
whole Titan to me.
Hero to plush
toy, just like that.
Hercules!
And so, sirens blaring,
the Athens P.D. raced
to the temple of Zeus
with the grim news.
This is gonna go over
like a bronze balloon.
You're having trouble with
a bunch of fluffy doggies?
No, sir. The Pootls.
A pack of
Titan-loving extremists.
They want you
to free the Titans.
What? Free the Titans?
Do you have any idea what it was
like in the dark age of the Titans?
Dark?
It was bedlam! Pandemonium!
The unrelenting bleakness
of primordial chaos.
Plus there was this nasty odor.
And they want to
go back to that?
I'll inform the Titanists that you
will not give in to their demand.
Don't bother. Heh, I'll deal
with the Titanists myself.
Hephaestus! Charge
up the bolts, baby!
Herc? Herc-meister?
Come on, come on, buddy.
How many fingers am
I holding up? Come on.
Uh, that's a trick question.
They're toes, all toes.
His sundial's been rung.
Let me see, school taken by
Pootls, students held hostage,
hero-in-training confounded...
This calls for
immediate thought.
Plan alpha... Do
nothing, very tempting.
Plan beta... What of my soufflé?
Uh, can't somebody do something
before we have a culinary disaster.
I can.
Deep in each one of
us is a special ability,
I know it, you know
it, the ox guts know it.
Now, it's time for my
gods given talent to shine.
Icarus...
♪ Hello, my dolma,
hello, my date loaf ♪
♪ Hello, my psychic gal ♪
♪ Yakka-ta-ta, yakka-ta-ta ♪
Ta-da!
Break a leg, Icarus.
Or two, ideally.
You can't keep this kind of
talent from the world, baby.
Now come on, let us go.
Jazz hands, everybody.
Musical theater.
Yeah, isn't it magical?
I hate musical theater.
Oh, even rock opera?
Hey, leave him alone!
Ah, spawn of the usurper.
Still feeling heroic?
No! Think!
That's right, Antaeus.
No more Mr. Thinking guy.
I don't care how big
and rocky you are.
I'm a hero-in-training
and I... Titanist!
Hold that thought, would you?
Zeus has heard your demand.
He'll be here momentarily
to deliver his reply personally.
Excellent. Sorry,
you were saying?
I was saying, I'm
a hero-in-training.
You can keep me, but you'd
better release my friends,
or... or else!
All right. OK, you asked for...
Huh? You'll let them go?
Well, uh, oh, great. Uh, thanks.
It's my pleasure.
Major Bias, release
the other students.
Sir, yes, sir!
Oh, yes!
Sweet freedom.
The 2-step combo
gets them every time.
Zeus is gonna
give these Titanists
a one-way ticket to Hades.
But Hercules is still in there.
Oh, don't worry,
my little ingenue.
Herc has some fancy
footwork of his own.
Heh, I knew a little
action was all we needed.
The hostages are
free. Problem solved.
That, my heroic friend, is
where you are mistaken.
You are the only hostage I need.
I always planned
to let the others go.
Oh, oh... oh.
You heroes are so strong on
action, and so weak on reason.
There.
The perfectly reasoned attack.
You'll never get away
with this. My father will...
Do exactly as I say.
Zeus will not endanger his son,
his demi-godling.
You see, Hercules,
we are much alike, you and I.
Caught between two worlds.
Except I'm good and you're evil.
Now you're splitting hairs.
I'm so sorry, I beg
your pardon, but...
Oops. Recommend
prisoner evacuation
to low or non-risk
location, sir!
Very well, Major.
Hey, where are we going?
Parenthesis!
As you can see,
my, if I may say so,
cleverly reasoned subterfuge
has effected your escape,
which your heroics, brave
as they may be, could not.
Hercules.
Isn't the Colossus
supposed to be in Rhodes?
Well, speaking as a former
Rhodes scholar honorary,
this certainly isn't
that Colossus.
Hello! Enter Zeus.
Sweet Mother Earth!
Lay down your thunderbolt
of oppression, tyrant.
Behold my hostage.
Son?
Uh, hi, Dad.
Hercules.
Sorry, Father.
I got all the other
hostages out, though.
That's good, son, that's good.
- Where are you going?
- To release the Titans.
It's not worth losing
you over, my boy.
Ah, Zeus, I'm so glad you
see things in a reasonable light.
No, Father, wait! I
can't let him do this.
My plan, though I hate to
admit it, seems to have failed.
Uh, do you suppose you
could, uh, smash these rocks?
Ha ha! Now you're talking.
You will not escape.
Ah, says you.
I'm beginning to appreciate
this acting heroic business.
Oh, no.
But on the other hand, I
do hear very good things
about running
away in terror. Aah!
If it's not too much trouble,
where are we going?
The front gate is that way.
Heh, I know. But we're
going to the library.
Aah!
Here. Fight them off.
Really now...
Let's discuss this
reasonably, say tomorrow?
Ooh!
Adrenaline rush!
Or is it my bladder?
Hey, not bad.
Come on!
Lovely soufflé. Olive, I think.
- Yes!
- Great explosion!
Ooh, good thinking, too.
Uh-oh.
We better hit the scrolls, fast.
Poseidon, reveal the Titans.
You heard me, Po-Po.
Ammunition.
"Homer, Hacied, heroic's digest,
how to win frays and
influence monsters."
Hey, this is pretty cool stuff.
Ha! "The complete works
of Pindar unabridged."
This baby will do some damage.
Uh, that's not
what I had in mind.
Oh, here we go, here
we go, now we're talking.
Ooh. What's that?
"Social registry of Gods,
Titans, and other immortals.
Copyright Hyperion
scribes, all rights reserved."
This way!
Uh, "Aeolus,
Amalthea... Antaeus!
Half-titan, rocky son
of Gaia the Earth..."
Son of Gaia! That's it!
Whenever he touches the
Earth Gaia gives him strength.
My secret is out.
I'm crushed.
Not yet.
But you will be.
Whoa!
Down, Pootls, down!
No! Stop it, stop it right now!
Put me down!
I think not!
Aah!
Back off.
Stinkin' Titans.
Aah! Oh!
Antaeus. Ha. Guess your
plan went down the drain.
Usurper!
Poseidon, shut 'em up!
All right, all right.
All Pootls in the
dog catcher's wagon.
And don't try this or any
other skullduggery again.
Bye! It certainly was a
treat having you in class.
Have a great summer... in jail.
Show stopper, baby!
Hey, Pootls, next time
rehearse out of town.
And then I, in
truly royal fashion,
saved my fellow students
from certain doom.
You? All you did was
royally rat out Hercules.
And if I hadn't, he
wouldn't have been there
to rescue us, now would he?
My soufflé?
Uh, I'm sorry.
It didn't make it.
Oh.
Uh, you wanted to see me?
Ah, yes, Hercules.
Come in, come in.
I've decided that our
old scientific method
of career guidance using ox guts
was unsatisfactory,
particularly for the ox.
Aah!
You have proven to me
that there's always
room in the modern world
for a reasoning
hero, such as yourself.
So, perhaps you'd like
to form a heroics club,
extracurricular, of course?
Aw, that's OK. I get plenty
of hero-training with Phil.
But, um, I, uh, was thinking
a hero should exercise
his brawn and his brain.
So I, heh, I was wondering...
could I work in the
library part-time?
Deal. If you'll teach me some of
those totally radical spear tricks.
Ow!