Haven (2010–2015): Season 5, Episode 5 - The Old Switcheroo: Part 1 - full transcript

- Previously on haven...
- Found your adoption file where you hid it
With cabot's journal.
- I hid it so you wouldn't know that I was from the other side,
So you wouldn't force me to that cave against my will.
[gasping]
- What happened in the cave?
- Something terrible came through that door.
- I'm so sorry, audrey.
- Don't talk to mara. Talk to me.
It's the only way that I can fight her.
- You need to stop talking to mara.
You need to treat her like audrey.
- We're here for you, audrey. - I know you can hear me.
- We need you. - She's been lying.
She can only put them in.
So audrey was rattling around inside of me.
I'm going to kill that bitch right now.
[fork tapping]
- Nope.
Still don't like pancakes.
You know what your big problem with your
"treat me like audrey so audrey returns" strategy is?
Well, besides the fact that I killed her,
Is it requires I get utensils.
You want to have another dance?
- Not at the moment, parker.
- Good idea.
You know what I will take, though?
One of those tacos.
They taste like the bottom of that dock,
But I actually prefer that kind of a flavor.
- I have an idea. - Hmm.
- We could force-feed you your pancakes.
- Get close to my mouth, and I'll bite you too.
[utensil clatters]
- Yeah, that's fine,
'cause we can just feed you through another--
- Duke.
Let's talk outside.
- Sure.
[scoffs] what?
- We can't let her get to us.
Treating mara like audrey is the only thing
That's brought audrey back.
- Yeah, that was before mara knew
That audrey was still in there,
But now mara knows.
Look, nathan...
[sighs]
What if audrey really is gone?
- What if she's not?
- [scoffs] okay, fine.
But I'm telling you, I have gone as far as I can
Treating that...
B-I-t-c-h like audrey.
- We can go further.
Come on.
- Oh, great.
- You're listening to wqdn, 94.7 f.M.--
North carolina's best country music station.
[news theme plays]
- North carolina weather this morning
Will be unseasonably cool.
Surf in the outer banks running two to three feet.
And in other news,
The tar heels continue their winning streak.
Stay tuned.
- Why "croatoan"?
[background chatter]
- Find what you're looking for?
- Uh, oh, not yet.
How long has the historical society doubled as a diner?
- Since as long as I can remember.
- And why is it called the old croatoan cafe?
- Do you know the legend?
- Well, I've, uh, done some research.
Uh...Oh.
In 1587, some colonists were left at their settlement
Here on roanoke island
While their leader went to England for provisions.
But when he returned, the settlement was abandoned--
No clues, no bodies,
Every single settler gone,
Wiped from the earth, except...
- One clue--the word "croatoan" carved in a tree.
- Yes. - People love the story.
I'm the owner, allison doohan.
- Oh.
Good morning. Vince teagues.
- First time in manteo?
- That it is. I'm a reporter from haven, maine.
I'm working on a little human-interest story
About two brothers.
One of them hails from here, and the other from haven.
- What's the local family's name?
- No idea. That's why I'm here.
Hoping to find some answers.
- I'm sorry, but I don't recall ever hearing any stories
About two brothers.
Well, if you'll excuse me,
I better look after some of my other customers.
Let me know if you need anything.
- Oh, you know,
I think I might have a cup of coffee
Before I get started.
- One sec.
- Oh. [chuckles]
- Thanks, vincent.
Be late, make me pay for the coffee.
[background chatter]
And you don't even get us a table.
Buy your own damn coffee when you get here.
Excuse me. Hey, bob...
Free coffee. 'scuse me.
Oh!
For the love of pete.
- What...
What the...
Wha--
No. No.
No!
Vince?
What the hell am I doing in vince's body?
- "dave"?
Dave?
What have you done?
[somber folk music]
¶
- You--you okay?
Do you still want that cup of coffee?
- "croatoan."
Why does it say that?
- The lost roanoke colony.
Remember? - Roanoke colony?
Where the hell am I?
- Manteo, north carolina.
- Oh, excuse me.
[thud] oh. Oh.
- [chuckles awkwardly]
- What did you do, dave?
If I wasn't in here, I'd wring your neck!
- Doing your morning affirmation in the mirror there,
Are we, dave?
- Oh, yeah. I-I mean, no.
- Yeah. So how is the information coming along
From cincinnati? - Cincinnati?
- Yeah, I'm still waiting for it.
- [stammers] - dave.
If you're using that wacky tobacky medically,
Go easy on that stuff.
- Have you noticed anything or anyone acting strange?
- Besides you? No.
But it's haven, and the day's young.
Bye, dave.
Good not talking to you.
Oh, boy.
- Here are your pills, bill.
[background chatter]
- And these are for you. - Give it to me!
- Barry, what are you doing?
- No! - Stop!
I'm okay, jeff. Just go back to your room.
- What are you doing to me? [man choking]
- Barry, stop it!
- What's happening? - Barry!
Stop! - What are you doing to me?
- Can I get some help here!
Barry, stop it. You're killing him.
Barry!
- I can't breathe. - Watch out, step back!
- I can't breathe! - What's happening?
Help him!
Barry! - Everybody stay calm.
- Check his pulse.
- We're done treating you like audrey.
No more food, no more chat. - Good.
'cause you made her fat and boring.
Oh, that's right--
And she's dead.
- Then you're going to help us solve a trouble.
- Uh, 'scuse me.
Nathan, can I just see you over here for a second, please?
Um, okay, so I'm sorry.
I thought we were gonna play it cool
And treat her like audrey. Or did--
- We are. We're taking her on a case.
- Her--who "her"?
Mara? - Yeah.
Mara knows that we're treating her like audrey,
And she's fighting us.
So we need a way to treat her like audrey
Without mara realizing what we're doing.
Getting her on a troubled case is a way to do that.
- 'cause audrey's at her best when she's helping the troubled.
- So we put her in a position to do that again.
If mara doesn't know what we're up to,
Maybe audrey can sneak up on her.
I don't want to cuff her, but we need a way to keep this safe.
- I may have an idea.
- Then all we need is a case.
- Barry was such a pussycat...
Till he choked the life out of this patient.
I can't understand why he would do this.
- Anybody see anything? - Yeah, all of them.
- You'd think a psych ward would do bigger business in haven.
- [laughing] yeah.
Well, we better get these guys to the morgue.
- Gloria, are you okay?
- Chief, are you okay?
- I need a minute. - Okay.
Take as much time as you want.
This place-- it's upsetting.
- Yeah. Sure is.
- [groans]
Uh...
Huh.
Uh...
We need to talk.
- Ya think?
Oh.
- Oh, god.
[police chatter]
- So you're actually dwight?
- Yeah.
I'm not happy about this trouble, nathan.
- I'm not exactly jumping for joy either there, kiddo.
- But you don't know what happened?
How--what caused this?
- No. We were just working the crime scene together.
- I never realized how short I am.
Huh.
By the way,
You are all muscle, big guy.
What do you eat?
- You know, you could pay a visit to the gym, gloria.
- Oh, yeah. I'll get right on that.
- Guys. - Oh...
- Dwight.
Dwight? - Yes.
- I'm bringing mara on this case.
- Arrest him.
- What?
- Fine. Then just punch him in the head till he falls down.
I'll arrest him. - Dwight...
It's safe.
Duke, for once, had a good idea.
Picked up a stun belt from the courthouse.
I hit this button, 50,000 volts of electricity
Goes into her kidneys-- she's down.
- You better know what you're doing, man.
- Audrey parker has helped this town more than anyone,
Helped people with troubles--
Troubles like you...Have.
Just, um, wait here.
- It's actually not funny, nathan.
- Hmm. - Hmm.
- Really?
A jacket.
Oh. And a badge.
I thought you had given up treating me like audrey.
- I have.
But if you're gonna help solve this trouble,
People are gonna ask questions.
- So...
How about I get a gun?
- How about I start hitting the button on this thing?
- Okay, so what? We got two dead bodies and...
Gloria as dwight: Your glutes.
Those two switched?
[laughing]
- Yeah.
- Oh, wow.
- You know how this works? - Well, you plant a seed,
But you never know exactly how the vine's gonna grow.
- Can you help us?
What should we do?
- Run...
That is, if you want to stay alive.
[car alarm chirps]
- Oh.
When he's alone, he rents premium.
What's this doing here?
- Oh, jeez.
What the hell is that?
[groans] [cell phone ringing]
What have you done, dave?
- Me? Me?
What have you done?
- I didn't do anything. You did this!
- Why on earth would I ever do this?
And what is this?
- Some kind of trouble, I'm sure.
But why it's happening to us right now, I have no idea.
- Here's a guess--
Because you're in manteo, north carolina,
With my adoption file researching me, vincent.
- I have a good reason for that.
Our therapist scrawled the word "croatoan" on a pad
After hypnotizing you.
That's from roanoke,
A nearby english colony that was wiped out.
We need to find where you're really from.
It could help with the troubles...
All the troubles...
This trouble.
- I can't believe you took my adoption file.
- Leave the file alone, dave!
Now, I'm coming down there right now.
Don't do anything stupid. [cell phone beeps]
[cell phone beeps]
- There wasn't any animosity
Or even a relationship that I know of
Between barry and hopkins.
- So why would barry choke him to death?
- Hopkins was a monster, but barry?
I can't imagine why he'd attack.
It makes no sense. - I don't get it either.
Maybe barry was just defending himself?
- Not the way I saw it.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I should really go check on the patients.
- [whispers] hopkins was barry.
They switched bodies.
- Parker.
You're alive.
Barely. - Hey.
- Please keep treating me like audrey.
- Okay. - Keep treating me like her.
- I will. How?
Is there anything I can do?
- Everything. Keep doing everything.
- Okay.
Parker, stay with me.
Stay with me. - Don't--don't--
Don't let her know that I was here.
Please don't tell her that I was--
That I was here.
[sighs]
[scoffs]
What idiots.
It says here that schizophrenia is hereditary.
Uh, hello?
Isn't everything hereditary?
[exhales sharply] I'm tired.
And you can tase me if you want to,
But I am going to go and take a nap.
- "270 maywood"...
Well, this is the place.
Woman: Hello. Can I help you?
- Huh? [crack] oh!
- Hard to hold a scalpel with these catcher's mitts.
Lucky I got through the autopsy.
- Audrey confirmed that these two are switched, just like us.
- Audrey? - Yeah. What do you got?
- Bad news. Look at this.
Oh, gosh, I feel like I could punch through ceilings
With these things. - [groans] oh...
- Those glasses--
Looks like my face was taken hostage by the 1980s.
Why didn't anybody tell me?
- Gloria, focus.
- Right. Well, barry, the orderly,
Crushed hopkins' trachea. - Yeah.
- So hopkins couldn't breathe and died of asphyxiation.
And barry died of asphyxiation too.
Only, he shouldn't have. His trachea was fine.
But he asphyxiated.
- Yeah. - Don't you get it?
If one switched person dies, the other dies.
If my body, or should I say, your body, goes kaput--
- Why would it go kaput?
- Because you have a bullet trouble, and I'm not used to it.
So, if I hear shooting...
- If you're close enough to hear a shot,
We're both dead.
- Not the best day, am I right?
- You have no idea.
You were at the cafe.
What are you doing here?
- This is my house, so I basically live here.
What's your excuse?
- Everything okay?
- Mm-hmm. Yeah, I'm fine, hon.
This is skip, my husband.
Mister... - Dave.
Oh, vince teagues.
I was introduced to your low branch,
And your wife was kind enough to help.
- Oh, sorry. I was out back--
You know, never-ending job.
- I have quite a garden back home.
- Oh, yeah? Where's that? - Haven, maine.
- Haven, huh?
Never heard of it.
- Mm-hmm. Mr. Teagues here is writing a story
About two brothers.
- Well, yes.
You see, I'm one of the two brothers.
- You're one of the brothers?
- The ugly one.
My brother dave is from right here--manteo.
Handsome devil.
He was adopted.
I'm from haven.
We recently came across this address
In his adoption file.
- Oh. Well, I'm sorry.
I don't know why it would be in his file.
You see, this property has been in my family for generations,
And I've never heard of any adopted relatives.
- Oh.
Well, then I'd better be letting you get on with your day.
[clears throat] sorry to have bothered you.
- [slurping loudly]
Ohh... Mmm.
- I try to eat healthy, gloria.
- You're like a moose. A milkshake won't hurt.
- Hi, gloria.
- Oh, hi, vickie.
Hi.
- Package came for you earlier.
I promised I'd get your signature.
- What are you waiting for?
- Okay. - Thank you, vickie.
- So, uh, what's in cincinnati?
- None of your business.
- Where are you going?
- To the ladies' room.
Hmm.
- Oh.
- Hello, dave.
- Vince, you scared the tar out of me!
- What did you do to my head?
- Me?
I don't know how you maintain consciousness at this altitude.
- Well, at least I don't have an infection on my leg.
This needs to end.
- Agreed.
- We'll have to operate as each other.
Find out what we can down here.
It must all be connected.
- Operate as each other.
You mean I get to sneak around behind my brother's back?
- Please. You hide from me that you're from another world
For 60 years?
Now, have you discovered anything useful down here?
- There was an address in the adoption file.
The property's been in the same family for decades.
The current owner of record
Also runs the croatoan cafe.
She doesn't know anything.
- Does she not know anything,
Or is she not telling you anything, dave?
- I'm exhausted--
The switching...
All the traveling. - Traveling, yeah.
I'm the one who flew down here twice.
Second time on a discount airline.
And why are you on a no-fly list?
I was in security for half an hour.
- Can you not be a martyr for one minute, vincent?
- Fine. We'll start first thing in the morning.
We'll go back to the croatoan cafe,
See what we can find.
And by the way,
The cut on your leg... Really hurts.
- Well, have you put anything on it?
- A band-aid.
You owe me $3.95.
- [scoffs]
[engine turning over]
- [groaning]
Mm.
- You okay?
- You really should appreciate the fact
That you can't feel anything.
- How long till you need to let out a trouble?
- Well, you know, it's not like I can look it up on webmd.
[sighs, groans]
Okay. So, uh...
[sighs] what's going on here?
- If one of the switched people dies,
Then so does the other switched person?
- Apparently, yeah. - Uh-huh.
And why dwight and gloria?
Was it proximity
Or last person you touched?
- I don't know.
- [scoffs]
Sure could use audrey right now.
- Yeah. - Are you sure
We're doing enough to bring her back?
- I'm doing everything I can.
- Nathan, we're supposed to treat her like audrey,
But you got her chained to a bed.
I'm pretty sure that's not
How you and audrey spent your evenings.
And if it is, please forgive me.
I-I'm impressed.
[groaning]
- You're getting worse.
- Yeah.
- You think if we bring audrey back, she could help you?
- The thought did cross my mind, yeah.
- [whispering] it's secrets.
- Parker.
- You switch with someone you have a big secret with.
Mara thought about that.
- Wait.
Dwight and gloria have a secret?
- Parker...
How are you doing this?
- I don't know.
I think it's easier when mara's sleeping.
- Okay, so we need to-- - nathan,
You can't take me on the case with you tomorrow.
- What?
- Mara's getting suspicious.
I know what she's thinking.
And the harder you try,
The more her defenses go up.
It's just...
[sighs] it's getting worse.
- How am I supposed to treat you like audrey, then?
- Leave me here.
Duke...
Duke, you can do it.
You have to do it, duke.
- Parker. Audrey.
Stay.
- You need to do it.
[country western music playing]
- I'm going to the post office. Back in a bit.
[keys clacking]
- Where's the cop?
- He's out cleaning up one of your little presents.
- Mm.
And you stayed out of it?
Interesting.
- Yeah, I've noticed that you seem to find me
Very interesting, mara.
- Hmm. Any guesses why?
- I have my theories. - Really?
Well, then you should illuminate me.
- Well, you have all of audrey's memories, right?
- Yes.
- So you remember you and nathan.
- Yes.
- You remember...
You and me.
- Yeah.
- Remember the first time we met?
I pulled you out of the drink.
Brought you back to the cape rouge,
Dried your clothes, made you breakfast.
And I remember when you walked away, audrey.
- I looked over my shoulder.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Audrey...
Remember that night in the hotel in colorado?
- Yeah.
- Audrey?
- Duke.
- [whispers] hey...
Okay. - Hi.
Hi. - Relax, relax, relax, relax.
Well, hi.
- [laughs]
- Let me just keep talking to you.
- Okay.
- Come on, let's just--
Let's just keep doing this.
- Okay.
- Mmm. Mmm.
What?
- [sighs]
- Uh, I wouldn't do that, dwight,
Unless you want heartburn all day.
- [sniffs] [click]
Okay, this is the security footage from the freddy.
Notice how barry goes all wobbly
Right before the attack.
There, see how he's about to fall over,
Like he lost his balance?
- That's exactly how I felt when we switched.
- Me too. [screaming on television]
- I don't know who's causing this trouble,
But audrey said that you switch with a person
You're keeping a secret from.
- I'm an open book. - I got nothing.
- What are you doing to me? - Barry, stop!
- Time to visit the freddy again.
- All right, I'll come with you.
- Me too.
- I don't think that's such a good idea.
You're slow.
And you're a danger to the public.
- Fine. We'll just stay here and run names
And backgrounds on patients.
[sighs]
- Ah, ah, ah.
- Oh, god.
Fine. Tell me about chamomile tea, gloria.
- Oh, it's lovely.
But gin's better.
- Dave-- - [thud] ow!
- Watch my head.
- Tell me you found something useful.
Now you're writing on me?
- It'll come off. Look at the area code, you dimwit.
- Haven?
Where'd you get this?
- On a piece of paper on allison's desk.
But I waited for you before dialing.
- Oh, that was thoughtful. Thank you.
- We're brothers, dave.
I don't like keeping things from you.
[phone pad beeping]
- I never intended to hide all this from you,
But I was just...
- What, dave?
- Scared, okay?
Scared of discovering the truth.
- The truth about what? - Me.
- Well, let's see who answers.
Maybe it has something to do with your past.
[line trilling]
- Frederickson's psychiatric facility, nurse's station.
- The freddy in haven, maine?
- Yes. Can I help you?
- Uh, no. [cell phone beeps]
- What is someone from down here in north carolina
Doing calling haven's mental institution?
- Dave, I think it's time we called home.
- You guys switched and didn't tell anybody?
- We didn't even know where it started. Down here...
- Or up there.
- Well, we were both at the freddy when it happened,
But neither of you were.
- We were actually 850 miles away from each other.
- And the phone number on allison's desk
Cannot be a coincidence.
- Well, we'll just recheck the list
Of freddy employees and patients.
Look for a connection between here and manteo.
Keep your phones on.
Man.
- You know, I make a pretty good cop.
- Ah, the jury's still out.
- Hmm.
- After I salvaged your rental car, I sold it.
- [laughs] - and I kept the reward money.
- [laughs] I can't believe you did that.
- [chuckles]
- [sighs] duke.
I want to get out of bed.
I want to be audrey again. - No, wait, wait, wait.
I don't--I don't think that's a good idea.
- But I feel good.
I feel like this is-- this is really working.
- Exactly... - Mm.
- Which is why we should just keep doing it.
- Okay.
Just...
Don't leave.
Okay? Please don't.
- I won't.
- Duke...
Can I ask you a question?
- Anything.
- In colorado...
Why did you stop?
- What do you mean?
- We were kissing.
And you stopped.
- I was just following your lead.
- No.
No.
I pulled away because I knew you wanted to stop.
I sensed it, and I always just--
I never understood why.
- We found one name at the freddy who comes from manteo--
Longtime patient, last name doohan.
- Allison doohan owns the old croatoan cafe.
Her husband is skip.
- This patient's name is jeffrey doohan.
- Skip's brother maybe?
- Allison must have made the call.
- Well, nathan's at the freddy now.
I'll get him to check this jeffrey out.
- Tell him to hurry up. - And be careful.
- Great.
Why is it I feel I always gotta pee?
What's that all about?
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Oh, yes, you do.
- Okay, I'll be right back.
[beep]
- Nurse, jeffrey doohan-- is this his room?
- Uh, yes, but I was just talking to jeffrey.
He's really upset.
He really needs his medication right now.
- Okay, well, I'm still gonna need to talk to him.
- You really shouldn't go in there. Please.
- I'm just gonna ask him a couple questions.
- Jeffrey! - Damn!
- Jeffrey!
- Stay there, man!
- Jeffrey!
Come on, jeffrey! Stop!
[voices fading]
- Duke.
Duke?
Duke, what's wrong?
Hey.
Hey.
- Audrey?
- Yeah.
- I can't feel. Oh, this is not good.
You gotta be kidding me.
- What's wrong?
- Nothing. I just got a little light-headed.
- Okay.
- Should we, um...
- Should we keep talking about colorado?
Sure.
- What about it?
- What about it?
[chuckles]
When we kissed...
We knew we had something. We...
We couldn't deny it.
- No. - No.
Did you ever tell nathan?
- No.
- Yeah.
[alarm blaring]
- Jeffrey!
- [exhales sharply]
- Detective? - Jeffrey!
- Detective.
Detective!
He's gone. Jeffrey's gone.
Aren't you going after him?
- Who? - Jeffrey.
- Yes. Jeffery.
Okay. Thanks.
Thank you.
Thank you.
[cell phone rings]
[ringing]
Come on, nathan, pick up.
Pick up the phone, nathan.
[beep]
- Yeah.
- We switched.
- Yeah. - Be cool...
As cool as you can be,
And step away from her right now.
- Why?
- Because that is not audrey, nathan.
That is mara pretending to be audrey.
Nathan, I'm telling you the truth.
- It's nathan.
I'll be right back.
- Okay.
- Why should I believe you?
- Because it's the truth.
- And what she just told me about colorado?
- [sighs]
- What--what-- what did she tell you?
- That you kissed, that you--
- Okay, yes, the kiss is true,
But everything else is a lie.
That's how I knew that it wasn't audrey.
- What? - Yes.
Audrey and I...
Kissed in colorado,
But I never told you because I knew it--
It didn't mean anything.
I could tell when we were kissing
That it wasn't going anywhere for us,
Probably because of you.
We both knew it, but we never talked about it.
But just now, she just said it was something,
Something that it wasn't.
And that's...
God, nat--
[sighs]
You have to believe me, nathan.
That is not audrey.
- Your kiss...
That was our secret.
That's why we switched. - I guess.
Kind of hoping we'd switch back now that it's out,
But I guess that would be too easy.
- We need to find jeffrey doohan.
His trouble's causing this.
- That makes sense now.
- How long has she been pretending?
- I'm guessing since you took her out of the gull
And on a case.
- Why?
- To get our guard down,
To--to--to get us to keep pushing,
Keep treating her like audrey,
And take the cuffs and the belt off.
She asked me to take them off. Do not unchain her, nathan.
Don't.
Whatever you do, don't unchain her.
- [groans]
I...
You...
Feel terrible.
- You feel...
Strange.
Damn it. That's my, uh--
That's my trouble. It's getting worse.
I need to--
You need let loose a trouble soon.
- I told you already. I checked it out.
- That was before we knew about jeffrey doohan in the freddy.
- In haven.
- [breathing heavily]
I don't feel so well.
- I warned you not to eat that hollandaise sauce.
- I don't know what it is.
[stammering] I'm...
Woozy. - Woozy?
- My ears are ringing.
- Where are you going? - I don't know.
- Oh, no.
This might sound crazy, vincent,
But do you feel like water trickling downhill?
- Y-yes, like water trickling downhill.
- You're walking towards a thinny!
- What?
- How you feel now is how I felt that night in the cave.
- What?
- You are walking toward a thinny...
An open one.
And it wants you back.