Have Gun - Will Travel (1957–1963): Season 1, Episode 17 - Ella West - full transcript

I promised I'd avoid
a gunfight, if possible,

but it looks as
though it isn't possible.

I have one bullet
left, Mr. Breed.

You may draw when you're ready.

DRIVER: Whoa!

Whoa.

Luggage is up on
top... And the saddle.

( gunshots)

( clattering)

Ha-ha!

Look at that old boy run!



Well, that'll learn him
to jump when I yell frog!

( raucous laughter)

( guffawing)

Ma'am, we don't
allow no gunplay in...

Shut up!

You tend to your trade.

Eee-yow!

Would you look at
them fancy pants?

( raucous laughter)

That one don't need no room,

he needs a cage!

( guffaws)

I bet that stinkin' ol'
bartender's still a-runnin'.

There ain't no bartender nowhere



gonna tell me that
ladies ain't allowed.

Because I ain't no lady.

I can out-ride, out-shoot,
and out-cuss anyone here!

I can out-spit you, out-chew
you and out-drink you!

Morning, Ella.

How about it, Tracey?

She gonna take your spot?

( laughter)

For two cents, I'd run
you out of town, Pony Boy.

( coins clinking)

Don't cut your price for me.

Just say the word.

( crowd murmuring)

All right, folks. Come on, now.

Let's break it up. Come on.

Let's everybody relax here.

Neighbors, the
drinks are on me...

Tomahawk Carter...

The man who offers
travel, education,

and top wages with the
greatest and the biggest

Wild West show
in the whole world.

Yes, sir, we're
traveling to points East,

where society folks applaud
with a shower of gold.

Here, Brave Knife,
show them, will you?

Look at that!

If they'll throw $20 gold
pieces to an Indian...

Listen, I want to talk to you.

( crowd murmuring)

Well, Tracey, what
was it this time?

Well, rack me
up in buffalo hide.

( laughs)

Paladin!

Tomahawk, how are you?

Fine, thanks.

Say, Tracey, come here a minute.

I want to introduce you
to a fellow who knew me

when I was making
an honest living.

Uh, Tracey Calvert, Paladin.

Tracey Calvert... I saw you
ride in Laramie, Wyoming, in '71,

when you won the grand prize.

Had a lucky day.

Oh, Fred, add the
damages to my bill,

and, uh, send some
drinks over there, will you?

We got powwow to make.

That's all, boys.

Oh, this is a real simple job.

All I got to do is to tame
down a little gal of mine.

That one?

Mm-hmm.

Tom, wait a minute...
There's one wild thing

that man will never
civilize... woman.

Now, would you
let me make smoke?

That little gal over there
just happens to be Ella West.

No, thanks.

Well, I've heard of her.

Well, who hasn't?

Why, that little gal's only 24,

and already she's got
more of a reputation

than Calamity Jane,
Cimarron Rose,

and Belle Starr,
all lumped together.

I got her,

and I got damage
bills to prove it.

Ella West is an illusion.

She's a legend.

It's a romantic illusion.

People are going to expect
you to bring that illusion to life,

and instead, you're
going to present reality.

A grimy-faced,
repugnant, loudmouth

little shrew.

Uh... I figure she
ain't as bad as all that.

Oh? How long have you known her?

She and I...

She joined the show last month.

I know when she joined
the show, Mr. Calvert.

I asked you how
long you've known her.

If you don't mind, I'll
look in on the stock.

Well, I thought that if
you could tame a horse,

you could tame that woman.

Both just about as
stubborn, one as the other.

With a horse, the odds
are 12-to-1 against.

With a woman...?

Mm.

I guess I knew it
wouldn't work all the time.

Oh, I could've made
an awful lot of money.

Yeah, I know.

I know, Tom, and that's why I want
ten percent of the entire proceeds

for the season,
if I succeed... ah.

Well, you haven't
changed much, have you?

I hope that's a compliment.

You ain't gonna
learn me nothing!

That's correct.

I'm going to teach you.
You'll do the learning.

I quit.

Paladin...

Pay her off, Tom.
She just resigned.

Now, wait just a
blasted minute now.

If anybody gets runned
off, it's gonna be him!

Thank you, Tom.

Now, Miss West...

wouldn't you like to sit down?

That will be two
deductions from your wages:

one for the cost of the glass,

and the other for
the bullet damage.

You ain't gonna make
no lady out of me!

First, you wouldn't be worth
two cents to the show as a lady,

and second, it would be
impossible in the first place.

( yells)

Now, Miss West, wouldn't
you like to sit down on the sofa?

( groans)

Hmm?

Now, Miss West...

All right, we'll discuss
speaking in the Western manner

without actually cursing.

Now, if a reporter
were to ask you

how you preserved
your femininity

in all these years of traveling

in the company of
men, exclusively,

what would you say to him?

Tell us about your
parents, Miss West.

My old man was a stinkin'
drunk and my old lady was worse.

You're talking to reporters.

Well, then let them make it up,

like they been doin' all along.

Homestead... ha!

It was a stinkin' sow pen!

Ask Tracey.

It was so bad, you
couldn't believe it.

I'm sorry.

And you wouldn't
be so blasted uppity

if you got brought up like that.

You knew Tracey Calvert then?

Yeah... I knew him.

We was kids then.

He used to call me Buck.

I was sort of a tomboy.

( laughs)

Well, girls grow up.

I'm sorry.

I see.

Do you?

( deep sighing)

You're sort of a
strange one yourself.

Whopping me one minute,

spoutin' poetry to me the next.

What I mean is,

we ain't doing so bad, are we?

Ella, I don't know.

Well, I said we ain't,

and don't you forget it.

I can walk off
any time I want to.

I don't need your
blasted learnin'...

'cause I'm Ella West,

twice any man and
six times any woman.

I joined this outfit
just for one reason:

to show that Tracey
coward a thing or two.

He thinks he's something.

Well, he ain't!

And what do you think of that?

I think it takes more
than parlor tricks

to tame a wild animal.

You mean...

you think you can tame me?

Ella, sit down, please.

We've got a long
day ahead of us.

Ah...!

Here's one, ma'am,
that reminds me of you...

All except the hair.

It's by a poet named Keats,

and the poem is called
"La Belle Dame Sans Merci."

"I met a lady in the meads,

"Full beautiful...
A faery's child,

"Her hair was long,
her foot was light,

And her eyes were wild."

Why...

makes a person feel
all tingly inside, don't it?

( laughs)

I couldn't hit a barn
door with a ten-gauge.

( laughs)

I'll send you some
books from San Francisco.

Oh, that's...

real nice of you.

I haven't felt
like this since...

Since Tracey.

It don't mean nothing
now, of course.

Of course.

He was the whole world to me.

Everything I wasn't, he was.

Everything I
didn't have, he did.

And then when...

when I was 16, he was 18,

and they were gonna move away.

Maybe he wasn't growed up,

but I was.

The day before he
left, I went to him.

I didn't ask him to marry me,

just take me with him.

I'd do anything, if he would.

He could cut me
up in little pieces,

just take me with him!

I ain't said the same
thing since, Paladin...

but I'm saying it to you.

I ain't what folks think.

( sobbing)

Oh...

I wouldn't be afraid of you.

And... and... and...

and I wouldn't
cause you no trouble.

I... I could be just
like you, honest.

You see, I don't want
to be printed in a paper.

I want... I want to be me.

I want somebody to
know that I'm alive.

What's the matter?

You're dirty.

Find some man that wants
the smell of the stables.

( sobbing)

( gunshots)

Calvert, you better
get in there in a hurry.

Tracey, get out of here.

Ella, you're carrying your
playacting too far this time.

Playacting?!

I've shot men
for less than that.

That's kid's talk.

You ain't Buck anymore.

Shut up! Don't say that!

You heard the lady, Calvert.

Get out.

I was kind of glad when
you joined the show, Ella.

I thought we had
something to talk over.

I thought there was
still some woman left

inside those man's britches,

but there ain't.

Stop it!

You ain't nothing.

That's got you
all scared, ain't it?

Give him your gun, Ella.

You're going to get two

for the price of one.

Tracey, please.

Can't you leave me something?

Give him your gun!

PALADIN: That
won't be necessary.

You looking for me, Mr. Breed?

Well, now...

the dude's got big
boy's clothes on.

Breed, I changed my mind.

I don't want no killing.

BREED: Uh-uh, honey.

We made a bargain.

You're going to
keep it all the way.

No!

Paladin...

maybe I ain't a real woman.

Tracey.

Bartender, pour five whiskeys.

I promised Tom Carter I'd avoid
a gunfight, if I possibly could.

You ain't got no choice.

Pour!

That's mighty sporting of you.

I could use a drink.

Now, Mr. Breed,
I've got one shot left.

You draw whenever you're ready.

Paladin!

Tom, Mr. Breed just resigned.

I suggest you give
him one week's pay.

He wants to travel a long way.

Suits me fine.

Come on, you.

Paladin...

Lessons continue at 7:00.

Please be on time.

( knocking)

Come in.

I bought myself
some female clothes.

They cost more than
genuine buckskin.

I took a bath, too.

Tracey was right, Paladin.

If I ain't a woman,

I ain't nothing.

I'll go if you want me to.

No.

You look very nice.

You don't have to say that.

I know it.

It happens to be the truth.

You are surprisingly
womanly in a dress.

The store sold me a lot
of cross ropes and lashings

to go underneath.

( laughs)

Uh... I...

They would've cinched
me in like a saddle.

I figured I didn't need it.

Obviously, but it's
not considered polite

to discuss undergarments.

Wouldn't you like to sit down?

( anxious laugh)

Criminy.

A man don't know if he's
getting fooled, does he?

( laughs)

Oh...

Only thing that threw
me was my top notch.

Paladin,

you wouldn't... wouldn't help me

with my hair, would you?

I figured you
seen plenty put up.

And took down.

"Beware her hair,

"touch not her locks,

"For in its magic,
she entwines it

around her lover's neck,
to never set him free."

I... I used to read,
now and then.

I guess it's about as much use

as watering a mesquite bush.

Ella, I saw a mission
garden in California once,

where the padres had
used only desert flowers...

carefully tended.

The mesquite bush
had white blossoms on it.

And it had a fragrance
I'll never forget.

You're just like that
silver thing on your holster.

It's a knight, ain't it?

It's a chess knight.

Knights are real
courteous fellows.

They're got up so pretty
and they talk so fancy

that a girl might think they
really mean what they say.

I figure they're
just being kindly.

You only need kindness
if you have no virtues,

and you have many.

You have courage.

A rare, honest kind of courage

that lets you look in the mirror

and change what you see there.

And you're a woman.

You're a very attractive woman.

Don't say anything
out of pitiness.

Pity is not included
in the course, Ella.

♪ Go tell Aunt Rhody,
go tell Aunt Rhody... ♪

( knocking)

Paladin.

Oh.

I thought you were Paladin.

Oh?

Asked me to meet him here.

Have a seat.

You first.

No, no thank you.

That was nice of
you to offer, though.

That's nothing.

A man's supposed
to do that for a lady.

Do you think I'm a lady, Tracey?

If you was to say so Ella,
I'd never question your word.

Well, that's real nice of you,

considering what
happened between us.

Oh, that was my fault, Ella.

I wasn't grown up then.

You came at me so quick.

Crying, talking about things
I never even thought of.

Guess I was scared.

I was scared, too.

Took me a long time
to figure that out, Ella.

I'm sorry for what I said then.

I was wrong yesterday, too.

I wish we'd...

I mean, too bad
we didn't talk before.

Too late now, I reckon?

I reckon.

Yeah, I reckon.

I'm real glad, though.

Not meant for it to be taken
wrong, but Paladin kind of...

I mean... man, you've changed.

( knocking)

Paladin!

Luggage is to be forwarded.

Put the bedroll on my horse.

Ella, Tracey.

Tracey, that's a nice horse.

Paladin, I'm going with you.

Sorry, Ella.

You've graduated.

You've graduated,
and I've earned my fee.

No gentleman
treats a lady like that.

That so?

What lady?

Tracey! Tracey!

( sobbing)

You fought for me.

He made you fight for me.

I'm not sure I like the way
this turned out, Paladin.

Well, Tom, I think
you'll change your mind.

Hmm. You must
need money awful bad.

Not particularly.

I just like to do a job right.

He says here, he figures
I had first claim on you.

He says I'm a pretty lucky guy.

( gasps)

I guess it's sort of a present.

I reckon that's the
way I look at it, too.

I may never get her
back into buckskin.

I think you will,
with Tracey's help.

Tracey?!

Sure... you're
going to be billing

a double attraction from now on.

And don't forget
my share of the gate.