Have Gun - Will Travel (1957–1963): Season 1, Episode 16 - Helen of Abajinian - full transcript

I rode out here
to bring you back

and that's what I'm going to do.

Don't reach for that weapon.

Guns are my business.

"Dancing Girl Missing.

"Sonoma Valley Armenian's colony

"today sadly canceled
it's annual wine festival.

"Reason: the festival's
principal dancer is reported

"to have eloped with
a passing cowboy.

"Although the girl's
father, Samuel Abajinian,

"has offered $1,000 for
her return, local authorities



"point out that she is of age
and they have no jurisdiction

in the matter."

Thank you, Hey Boy.

Mr. Paladin, you're
going away again already?

Hey Boy, I haven't had any
good shish kebab in years.

Rice pilaf, baklava,
Armenian cooking, Hey Boy,

Armenian people.

Among the world's finest.

I'll be back two weeks from
tonight, and on that night,

I'd like tickets for
the Ballet Russes.

My usual box, and you
may keep the change.

Thank you.

"Samuel Abajinian

Sonoma Valley, California."



( speaking Armenian)

Good vintage here, Samuel.

Come on, Samuel, huh?

You tasting huh?

Come on, you make
opinion for us. Huh?

( muttering softly in Armenian)

Mmm.

Sadness I taste.

Must we mourn forever?

We have other daughters.

Coming to your ear,
woman, is a blow from my fist!

Do I produce daughters
for every passing stranger?

Do I beget children to
populate foreign villages?!

Come! One of the scholars!

Prepare me an answer!

Samuel.

Another one.

Silence.

Silence!

Is wine not being made by sheep?

Is this flock without a leader?

Out!

Do we disregard hospitality?

Do you want to lose
another daughter, woman?

Out!

My name is Paladin.

A name is of no importance.

Like the other one...

on an animal carrying weapons.

A Turk! A leader of Turks!

Hide the young
women in the hills.

Drive the goats
off to the hills!

Bury the...

Paladin?

Well, what is the excitement?

Where is our hospitality?

I have a certificate!

This girl of ours,

even though she dances
to warm men's hearts,

a lamb, a mouse,
an innocent mouse.

They were seen to
kiss the night before.

Next comes my fist to your ear!

If our Helen was
seen to kiss him,

it was a matter of force.

It was not reported so.

Place no faith in reports.

Marriage to a moral man
has shielded you from evil.

I have traveled.

Once in Fresno, I have seen...

Away! You would shake in
fear at the things I have seen.

And how does a moral
man see so much?

Have you ever seen a snake

transfix a mouse with its eye?

This O'Riley is
just such a reptile.

You can overtake him?

It'll be two days hard ride,
and I'll try and persuade her

to come back, but
I expect to be paid

whether I succeed or fail.

Both of them!

There must be a marriage!

A marriage?!

They have been gone
four days and nights!

There is still such
a thing as honor!

Jorgi! Gourken!
We're in agreement!

Now the question of price.

I am a poor man.

I have a few acres,
a few poor, bad vines.

But Abajinian is generous.

You cry you only want
to do this for friendship.

You protest, you-you
wish only to serve justice.

Never.

Although it ruins me
for this simple task,

I will pay you $200.

Well, the price we originally
agreed on was $1,000,

but since you assure me
that this man is dangerous

I must ask you $2,000.

Have no faith in my description.

I am a poor farmer.

No, my friend.
You're a traveled man.

On my knees, each night, I
will send you my prayers...

for the rest of your
days, my gratitude...

and $500. My latest offer.

You have a thousand
acres, vines with rich grapes,

sheep, goats...

but for friendship, $1,500.

Have no faith in
stories of wealth.

I live above my station,
but what can I do?

My own foolishness traps me.

You have the prayers
of an entire colony.

The thanks of a
ruined man, and $800.

Absolutely, I must sell my
whole farm for one dollar more.

What can I do?

Such generosity.

$1,200.

$900 and I die at the
grape leaves for my children.

$1,000.

Done.

My friend, you've
bargained like an Armenian.

( all laughing)

( speaking Armenian)

This one is no Kurdish farmer.

I spent some time in Van.

The old country?

I was fortunate to
have an acre left, eh?

Seal the bargain.

Okay, my friend.
A drink of fire.

Most men one
swallow, perhaps two.

But Abajinian? Watch!

Enough.

( coughs softly)

Please.

All right, enough.

Ah!

( all exclaiming)

Go, my friend, bring
me back my daughter!

There's a man, huh?

Oh, Mr. Paladin. Your hat!

WOMAN: Jimmy! Wait for me.

Why don't you leave me alone?

You do not love me.

You're doggone right I don't.

I been telling you that every
step of the last 200 miles.

Look, ma'am,

people just ain't going to
believe you followed me.

I don't like to be chased.

It makes me nervous.

I'm sorry.

I am so tired.

You help me down, huh?

No tricks.

All right.

Oh!

Whoa! Now, look.
Look. See? You see?

You ought to be ashamed
of yourself. Doggone it.

Ashamed? Yes.

Is it so bad that I love you?

You are so tall, so...

You will not believe this.

When I was a little girl,
I would dream of a man

who would ride to
my father's house.

It was you.

I am a second generation...

An American. I have rights.

Is it so bad to feel love?

To be honest?

To say to the whole
world, I love you?

Well...

look, ma'am.

I-I didn't say you
wasn't a good girl.

It's just that...

Well, I ain't ready
to get married yet.

You let me dance for you?

I change your mind, huh?

You so much as move an elbow,

and I'll pull this hat
down right over my head.

You are afraid of me?

I got feelings. Inside me I...

Look, ma'am. I'm a man.

And there's a tornado inside me.

If it ever gets loose, it
might tear both of us apart.

A tornado? Ha!

Miss Abajinian,
my name is Paladin.

Your father employed
me to bring you back.

Ha! Boy, am I glad to hear that.

Both of you, Mr. O'Riley.

Don't reach for that weapon,
son. Guns are my business.

Well, where I go

and who I go with ain't.

I didn't even see
you move your hand.

I've been riding
hard for two days.

If we're going to talk, I'd
much rather it would be

over food than guns.

( laughs)

Now, you see what
I'm trying to explain?

See, a man likes to feel
comfortable with his woman.

Well, now take this gal...

How old are you Jimmy?

Mister, you can talk
until you're red in the face,

but I ain't going to
go back with you two.

Well, it's probably
just as well.

A really good girl

wouldn't have ridden
trail alone with you.

Now you take that back.

She's just as good
as she can be.

Well, that's quite a reaction.

A poet might suspect love.

You take that back, too.

( laughing): Wait a minute,
Jimmy. I'm not using force.

Well, I am! If I can't
lick you, Mister, okay,

then I'll go back
free and willing.

I'll help you Jimmy.

Jimmy, you're pushing me.

Ooh, if you'd just
stand still a minute...

Now, Miss, this may
make you feel a little better

to know that Jimmy's
coming back with us.

Oh, Jimmy!

I'm going back all right.

But don't get any ideas.

You can lead a horse to water,

but you can't make him drink.

First we get the
marriage out of the way,

then the festival, eh?

Food, drink, dancing...

And such dancing will
delight your heart, my friend.

( chuckles): Drink!

Hey, you could drink, too,
but I'd waste good wine on you.

Oh, you're so
all-fired smart, huh?

Well, maybe you
know wine, mister,

but you sure don't
know ranching.

If you're so all-fired smart,

how come you ain't
got a herd of cattle

bringing you in money
off of land and feed?

You just throw it away.

You tell me, Abajinian,
how to manage land?

A child now advises Abajinian?

This here child was running
a thousand-acre spread

when he was 19, and making
money out of feeding cattle.

Cattle, cattle. Abajinian
is no-no-no cowboy.

You don't have to
be a cowboy to know

that good beef out
here draws... how much?

Eight to ten cents a pound.

Is of no importance.

Hey, Samuel.

$80 in one little animal.

Pay no attention to it.

Where would you
graze the cattle?

All this canyon pasture
is just going to waste.

Pay no attention to it!

How would you
fatten the animals?

Use that grass
you're burning off

and the grape mashings
you're throwing away.

Pay no attention to it!

That's good advice.

What does a nester
know about raising cattle?

( chuckling)

What is a nester?

Well, a nester is... Never mind!

It is an insult.

You would insult a man who
could tear your bleeding heart

from your body
with his bare hands?!

Were it not I need you
alive for the wedding...

Ha! That's a kid's game.

Not the way we play it.

Gourken, attend us.

Explain to the foreigner.

Jimmy, these coals
are kept red-hot.

There's no need for
anyone to be burned.

If one player says enough,

the other releases
him at that point.

You ready?

Go!

This one will
scream like a child.

Yeah, we'll see about that.

I do not wish to burn you, boy.

Say enough.

Go to blazes.

( pained gasping)

Just release his hand, Jimmy.

Game's over. Not
by a darn sight.

So... you asked for it.

Game draw!

Oh, he's strong boy, eh, Samuel?

He accepts pain like a man.

Yeah. Even a talker
has some good points.

( laughs)

Come, it's time to
dress for the wedding.

Mr. Paladin, these
people haven't got any right

to tear off all my clothes
and-and then throw me in here.

Even a barbarian pays
for his own marriage!

And I told you I
was just marrying her

to protect her reputation.

That don't mean I
touched her before

or that I'm gonna
touch her after.

Just remember, you can
take a horse to water...

This is the first time
I ever took a bath

in the middle of the week.

"There's a woman at the
start of all great things,"

or so says the
French poet Lamartine.

Women!

"Heaven's best gift."

"The most delightful
of God's creatures."

Shelley. But...

We are indebted to
women first for life itself,

and then for
making it worth living.

( laughs): There
you are. What's that?

( chuckles): Oil,
boy, for fragrance.

You rub it into your skin.

Very, very pleasant.

I'll do no such thing.

That stuff smells sweet
enough to catch flies.

( laughs): Well,
that's a custom.

Well, ain't I got a right to
a few customs of my own?

( laughs)

"All men who avoid female
society have gross tastes."

Thackeray.

( yells)

( groans)

( stammers) ( laughing)

( singing) ( laughing)

Paladin, we have good time, hah?

Jorgi, thank you.

( chuckling)

O'Riley, look at this.

Dolma, baklava, esmir kebab,

rice pilaf, keskec, shish kebab.

Now, it isn't often you
even see food like that.

You better try some.

No, I... I got to
be moving along.

Well, now, an intelligent man

doesn't ride off into
the night hungry.

I tell you, I ain't
staying here.

Well, nobody's keeping you.

Bye, O'Riley.

Doggone it, I can't leave without
saying good-bye to that girl.

I mean, after all, I just
married her, didn't I?

It's only a formality...
As you yourself said,

you can lead a
horse to water, but...

How come you're so anxious
to get rid of me all of a sudden?

All day you been telling me

what nice folks
these people are.

Well, you obviously have
no affection for that girl,

and under the circumstances,
I think perhaps it's better

if you don't see her dance.

I mean, a young boy like you,

inexperienced.

Well... doggone...

you think a little
thing like that...

Well, she can dance
her fool head off.

I'll be so... so busy
at this food over here,

I won't even... I
won't even notice.

( laughing)

Well, they got some pretty good
cooks here, I got to admit that.

Among the world's finest.

Well, I ain't never
said they wasn't.

I mean, just because they
don't do things like my people,

that don't mean they ain't
real down-to-earth folks, too.

I mean, just 'cause this
Abajinian girl gets me, well...

well... Doggone it!

Women don't chase men.

Now, what I'm
trying to say is, is that

a man don't want a
wife that chases him.

This Helen, man...

well, if I have
to live with her...

I wouldn't know
what she'd try next.

Look, Mr. Paladin...

just watching her
makes me nervous.

I mean, my stomach
starts to do flip-flops,

and-and-and my knees
start banging together.

Well, doggone it, I just
feel downright miserable.

Well, a man wants to feel calm
and comfortable with a woman,

don't he?

Well, there's a
time for that, too.

Well, it's time I was going.

Ancient Armenia was at
the crossroads of the world.

The origin of their
dances is lost in antiquity...

A flavor of Greece, Persia,
perhaps even of Minoa...

But those dances,
O'Riley, are a language...

The most compelling,
understandable,

universal language of mankind.

Well, maybe so, but...

nah, I ain't interested
in dances and...

( applause and whooping)

( music playing, men
cheering and laughing)

( lively percussion joins in)

( music continues)

Three times since the wedding
you moved to your horse.

Three times he moves to leave...

Now I find him still here.

Perhaps he likes the food.

Perhaps.

For a foreigner, perhaps
he makes a good boy.

I'm a liberal man.

If he wants to live
with my daughter...

Is there some difficulty?

Well, it's customary
at this time

to speak of the dowry. ( coughs)

Dowry?! You are
mad if you think...

No dowry, no son-in-law...
Your own custom, Abajinian.

I spit on custom.

You think I would pay so much
as a goat to mix blood with him?

And I reply, you speak
of the Kurdish farmers.

Besides Abajinian,
the Kurds are scholars

wearing silk coats and
speaking seven languages.

You would let your
daughter bring to her marriage

her bedding and her clothing.

Such generosity should
be written on the side

of Mount Ararat for all to see.

Perhaps I could
spare a goat for milk.

And I reply that
besides Abajinian,

the poorest Arab in
a mud hut is a caliph,

dispensing gifts of amber

and silver.

Beside Abajinian,

the serpent becomes an animal

of stature and dignity.

The toad... And
perhaps I could afford

an acre of vines, but no
more... I am a poor man.

The toad assumes a beauty.

An acre of vines?

Come, Jorgi, Gourken!

Let us spread the news
of such generosity, hah?

An acre of vines.

A messenger to the old
country, a runner to the next town.

This man is a poet.

Ah, I wish you had
bargained for my wife.

And the children

will scatter flowers
in Lake Gotchka

in your honor.

Five acres of vines
and two of trees.

Ten and five, with a house.

50 sheep, ten goats,
six carrying milk...

Agreed, agreed.

Stop. You are
ruining a poor old man.

You...

You want to see your own
father-in-law destroyed?

Jimmy.

Oh... she's beautiful.

( chuckling) 15 acres, a house,

50 sheep and ten
goats, six carrying milk,

for a son who sees a
dancer after she's gone.

Attend him... take
him to his bride.

Come on, Texas boy.

( chuckling)

At least he knows cattle.

$80 an animal...
That's good business.

But I have other problems.

I have four daughters.

I hope boys run in his blood.

His parents had five sons.

Mmm.

( chuckles)

A busy day, Mr. Paladin,
but a good one.

Perhaps a mogi for luck...

and for a grandson.

Mr. Abajinian, that
would be a pleasure.

( chuckles)

♪ "Have gun, will travel,"
reads the card of a man ♪

♪ A knight without
armor in a savage land ♪

♪ His fast gun for hire,
heeds the calling wind ♪

♪ A soldier of fortune, is
the man called Pal-a-din ♪

♪ Paladin, Paladin,
where do you roam? ♪