Hart to Hart (1979–1984): Season 4, Episode 14 - Chamber of Lost Harts - full transcript

Man: This is my
boss, Jonathan Hart,

a self-made millionaire.

He's quite a guy.

This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.

She's one lady who knows
how to take care of herself.

By the way, my name is Max.

I take care of both of
them, which ain't easy,

'cause when they
met, it was murder.

( steady beeping )

( grunts )

( Tarzan calling )

Don't worry, kid,

nothing's going to
happen to the chimp.

( chattering )

Wait till the poachers see
what's coming their way.

Max, I thought we were
going to limit Freeway's

television watching
until after dinner.

You know how upset he gets.

It's okay, he's seen
this show before.

He knows what's coming next.

I hate to say it Mrs. H.,

but your guest is a little late.

Oh, I forgot to tell
you. Nick called.

The plane had to go
down in San Diego

because there was
some sort of malfunction,

a spoiler malfunction.

Talking about spoilers,

I think my prime rib is
on its way to pot roast.

Well, he said he's looking

for an alternate
means of transportation.

He'll be here soon.

San Diego is two
hours away by car.

Well, there's always
scrambled eggs.

Here are the rest
of the brochures.

I've narrowed it down

to three weeks trekking
in the Himalayas.

Listen to this...

Tibetan monks guide you
to this picturesque abbey

that sits like a fortress
on a mountain peak.

Isn't that breathtaking?

Yeah, that's beautiful.

It's winter in the
Himalayas isn't it?


Well, I mean, at those
altitudes, it's always winter.

Well, I was thinking
of something

that was further south.


There's a fabulous dog-sledding
trip through Antarctica.

- Antarctica?
- Uh-huh.

That's a little too far
south, don't you think?

- ( helicopter approaching )
- What's that?

( barks )

It's a helicopter!

Well, Nick always had
a flair for the dramatic.

( telephone rings )


Nick: You gotta be
Max. How you doing?

- Okay.
- ( barks )

Hey, how you doing?

Sorry if I screwed
up the petunias.

They like a big
breeze once in a while.

Fact is, I usually
put out the bedding

when I figure a
chopper is coming by.

( inhales deeply )

Whatever you're cooking,
just keep up the good work.

I won't bother to announce you.

I think they heard you knock.

Sorry I'm late.

You must be Nick
Moran. I'm Jennifer.

Who else?

Boy, do you live up to
the advanced publicity.

This guy's always got me off

- in some God-forsaken place
- Come on in.

Right, okay, thanks.

- Hey Nick how are you?
- Hey, Jonathan.

Great to see you. I'm
glad that 747 broke down.

I'd hate to think what
would have happened

to the swimming pool if
you could come all the way.

- Would you like a drink?
- Yeah.

I didn't depreciate
the real estate, I hope.

Oh, no, no, I was
just on the phone

with the Bel Air patrol.
They had seven complaints.

They were going to
organize a posse against you,

but I took care of it.

What would you like to have?

I'll take a beer with dinner.

I hate to rush you,

but my flight back
is in two hours.

With or without a plane?

Are you sure you
don't want a glass?


The stuff loses something
in the translation.


Maybe you could bring
me a pair this time, huh?

- Save some steps.
- Okay.

I didn't figure you
came all this way

just to pay us a
social visit, Nick.

Now what is going on down there?

You about the land-scan project?

Yes, Jonathan
told me all about it.

You're looking for minerals?


We launched a
satellite, nothing fancy.

What was it? $20 million.

Yep. I just paid NASA the bill.

Anyway, after we
go the satellite up,

then we set up a receiver
station on the ground.

Signals are bouncing
back and forth just fine.

We thought we'd really
zeroed in on a pot of gold.

- Gold?
- Well, I mean zinc, copper,

some other less
glamorous elements.

Hey, thanks, Max.

Max these are
really good groceries.

I'll tell Julia Child
that you said so.

Everything okay, Mrs. H.?


Maybe you ought to bring
seconds, Max, or thirds.

Max: I'm glad to see
you're not a picky eater.

I just sent out for
another cow as a standby.

You were telling
us about the satellite

and the signals it was
sending back and forth.

Oh, yeah, well, sorry to say,

we had problems at first,
electronic gear disappearing.

That happens.

But last week, Alan Rankin...

You remember him, Jonathan.

You hired him as
our head geologist.


Alan took this in the neck.

How awful.

Was anybody with him, Nick?

An Indian guide.

What happened to him?

Cleaved him with a machete.

You don't think you
stumbled onto sacred ground,

a burial site maybe?

Not according to our guides,

but you can't even tell
when you're out there.

You could be standing
on Atahualpa's tomb

and not even know it.


Wasn't that an ancient
Incan God or a king?

Yeah, a king.

He buried treasure and
gold in a secret tomb.

People have been
looking for it for centuries.

Our man who was killed,
do you think it was done

by somebody who blamed
it onto the local tribes?


Now look, I know it's risky,

but the area's
loaded with minerals.

What's the alternative?

I say we go on the offensive,
send in some reinforcements.

A troubleshooter.

You got anybody in mind?

Not off-hand.

I'll give it some thought.

Look I hate to eat and run,

but think of how the
neighbors will feel.

Anticipating your
hasty departure,

I took the liberty
of brown-bagging

the strawberry shortcake.

Hey, Max, you know, you're okay.

Max: Think nothing of it.

Anything you want
from the jungle, anything,

you just say the word.

Actually I was thinking
of sending you my head

to get it shrunk.

Dr. Halperstein is
costing me a fortune.

( all chuckle )

( Jennifer humming happily )

What are you doing?


Darling, do you want to take
both of your safari jackets?


Both my safari jackets
to the Himalayas?

No, something a
little south of there.

I don't understand.

Darling, why should
we stay up all night

racking our brains over who
we're going to send to Peru?

Oh, no. No, no, no.

That's not fair.

Now you wanted to go
someplace snowy and cold,

at least dry.

I've already made
the reservations.

We're booked on a flight to Lima

with a connection to Cusco.

You better call
Nick in the morning

and tell him to pick
us up. Oh, and please,

tell him no helicopters,
no litter bearers,

nothing exotic.

An ordinary automobile
will be just fine.

You know... you
really are something.

I know.

I'll tell what I'll do.

I'll take you to Shamanay for
two weeks when we get back.


You want to take the
mosquito repellent?

I think that's a good idea.

You remember the last time
when the mosquito netting

leaked when we were in Kenya?

Oh, the mosquito
netting was fine.

Everything would have been
fine if you hadn't exposed yourself

to the great outdoors.

Exposed myself?

Something like that.

Oh, my ears still
haven't popped yet.

Then again, we
are at 10,000 feet.

With or without a parachute?

- Very funny.
- Thanks.

Is Nick's driver going to
be wearing a red carnation?

He'll find us.

I'm sure Nick told him

I'm with one of the most
beautiful woman in the world.

You always say
the nicest things.

Man: Mr. and Mrs. Hart?

- Yes?
- David Ripley?

Believe it or not.

Yeah, well, every job

comes with a different
set of problems.

( speaks Spanish )

Poison darts are pretty exotic.


Oh, this is beautiful.

Ripley, do you think that
this is the work of the Indians?

Well, Nick's got
his own theories,

but all I know is dead is dead.

- Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Hart?
- Yes.

Bienvenidos. I am the manager.

- How do you do?
- Let me show you to your suite.

Thank you.

Well, we'll see you
later then, Ripley.

Yes, see you at the camp.

This way, please.

Hi. Yeah, it's me.

I just dropped them off.

He asked a lot of questions.

Well, I don't know.

From what I heard, Hart's
a pretty persistent guy.

You know, he didn't get
that rich by playing it safe.

Well, it's simple...
If he gets too close,

I'll just have to... (
chuckles ) make my point.


Thanks very much.

Oh, darling, this is beautiful.

On a clear day, you
can see the Himalayas.

Maybe we'll even have some
time to do some sightseeing.

Yeah, why not?

We don't have to
meet Nick until 5:00,

so we could do
a little exploring.

Good. Let's go explore
the police station.

- The police station?
- Mm-hmm.

Darling, you're not going
to want to buy any souvenirs

until you've gotten
to the bottom of this.

Well, we could
spare an hour or so.

We better go then.
Time is a-wasting.

Inspector Correa?

Yes. Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Hart?

Yes, how do you do, inspector?

- Welcome to my country.
- Thank you.

Oh, inspector, what
a beautiful collection.

Oh, gracias.
Wonderful aren't they?

Jennifer: It is.

My treasures.

But, alas... they're imitations.

Those are reproductions?

Mm-hmm. But they are marvelous.

Please, sit down.

Thank you.

You know, many
of these fine artisans

have earned a great deal of
time in prison for their efforts.

Inspector, you're familiar
with our land-scan project.

Oh, of course.

Then you know about
our recent troubles.


I came down here with the
hopes of getting some answers.

And I, señor, hope you
have not come in vain.

Why do you say that?

Because you're
looking for that needle

in a well-known stack.

Or a blow dart in the jungle.

Mmm. Exactly.

I don't understand, inspector.

You give a man a
heavy prison term

for forging an ancient relic,

but you don't seem very
concerned about murder.

No, no, señor, I am
concerned. I do care.

We punish the
guilty few we catch

to discourage the
thousands of others

that we'll never have
the pleasure of knowing.

What about
discouraging one killer?

Ah, well...

I regret that in the
jungle, death is, um...

a way of life.

That's not good enough for me.

What do you suggest I look for?

Perhaps ballistic identification

from a poison dart

or a machete that
matches some incision.

What about a personal theory?

An educated guess.


You're a man who
searches for minerals.

You have much
competition for one mineral

in particular... gold.

I find it is an inspiration for
much of our violence here,

and I believe you will
also find it so, mm, in time.

The desk says that Nick called.

- Ah.
- Shall we sit over here?

- And?
- And he's going
to be a little late.

I wonder how he's
going to be arriving.

Darling, my head still hurts.

Maybe I should have
a very strong drink.

Ah, forgive the intrusion,

but might I suggest
a traveler's delight?

It is quite tasty and
fortified with azucar,

- a native chocolate.
- Thank you.

It infuses the blood with sugar

to compensate for
the lack of oxygen.


Would you like to
try one of those?


What did you say that was?

Traveler's delight.

Bartender, could I have
one traveler's delight,

and I'll have a vodka
martini straight up

with a couple of olives.

Would you like something, sir?

Oh no thank you,
señor, but I have a drink.

Oh, forgive me, I am Dr. Vioc.

I'm Jonathan Hart.
This is my wife, Jennifer.

- How do you do?
- Encantada, señora.

Archaeology, doctor?

Why, yes, does it show?

That book on Machu Picchu.

Ah, the altitude has certainly
not affected your eyesight.

I've always wanted
to visit Machu Picchu.

You should.

That ancient city is one
of the great wonders.

Well, I'm afraid our business

won't allow us that pleasure.

Yes, I am familiar
with your business.

Ah, I know your foreman, Nick.

Well, then you're
familiar with our tragedies.

Yes, terrible, terrible.

I wonder if we
could find a table.

I'd like to talk to you,
doctor. Do you have the time?


I'd be delighted.

The police have suggested

that gold is the
root to our troubles.

Well, señor Hart, I do not
know how discriminating

your probe is, but gold
is certainly a mineral.

Then you think it's possible

we could have made
a gold discovery?

Possible, but unlikely.

Why do you say that?

The gold mines of Peru
are more man-made.

You know of the (
speaks Spanish )?

The grave robbers?

Looting the burial grounds
has been a thriving venture

for many years.

The Incas buried their dead

with gold and silver objects
to use in the next world.

Like the Egyptians.

Gold was so
plentiful in those days,

that even the poorest Incas
were buried with some of it.

Jonathan and Jennifer,
welcome to Peru.


I'm sorry I'm late. Did
you get my message.

- Yes, I did.
- How was the trip?


Ah ha, I see that you have
met the emanate Dr. Vioc.

Yes, he's been filling
us in on the local color.

Uh, Doctor, what about
the legend of Atahualpa?

Ah, the supreme Inca.

Nick told us that there
was a treasure of gold

buried in a secret tomb.

Yes, Pizzaro promised
him his freedom

if he would fill the
room with gold.

But Atahualpa was very
suspicious of Pizzaro.

He sent word
ahead to his caravan,

"Bury the gold.

They're going to
kill me anyway."

The story has gained great
popularity over the centuries.

For 30 years, I have
known many men

who have searched
for the gold of the Incas,

some giving up their
lives to the pursuit.

And some killing for it.


You know, it's a possibility

that the land scan
could have discovered

somebody else's discovery.

But if someone had made
that sort of a discovery,

they certainly wouldn't
want to share it.

That is what is so exciting
about my field, archaeology...

The endless
possibilities. ( chuckles )

Ah, forgive me.

I must forsake your
charming company.

Señor. Señora.

It's a pleasure.

- Take care, doctor.
- Good to see you.

Jonathan, would
you like to take a look

at the itinerary?


Darling... Hmm?

I think I have to go lie down.

Chocolate milk
gone to your head?

( exhales )

And my waistline.


( groans )

Well, maybe I better
take you upstairs for a nap.

I think so.

Nick, we'll go over
the logistics tomorrow

on the way out to the place.

Sure, and I'll pick you up
at 5:00 sharp, Jonathan.

All right.

Good night, Nick.

Good night, Jennifer.

I'd like to know of the treasure
of Atahualpa, wouldn't you?

Jennifer: ( weakly ) Uh-huh.

You really are
knocked out, aren't you?

I'm jet-lagged.



Well... this is your
last chance to get me

before the attack of
the killer mosquitoes.

- Darling...
- Mm-hmm?

Do think that our love life
would be seriously impaired

if we lived above 10,000 feet?

It sure would be one hell of
a drop if you fell out of bed.

Oh, that's just silly.

Are you sleeping?


I'm just resting
before the flight.

Nick: How'd you sleep, Jennifer?

Like a log.

Only right now, I feel like a
log that's ready for the mill.

And this is the good road.

How much farther we got to go?

Miles don't tell the
story out here, Jonathan.

Half-hour if we
don't blow a tire

or bottom out in a mud hole.

Are we anywhere near
where Rankin was killed?

We're going to hit
the base camp first,

then burro and backpack
the rest of the way.

We can make it.

Looks like we got a delay.

I don't suppose there's
an alternate route.

Nope, this is it.

You got any chain?

Yeah, got one in the back.

A little bigger
than a blow dart,

but I get the message.

I was out when you radioed in.

I'm sorry. What happened?

Well, we had a run-in with
an over-sized bowling ball,

and I think our Jeep
took the worst of it.

Are you all right?

Yeah, thanks to Jonathan.
I just twisted it a little.

I could have been
wearing the Jeep.


Thanks, Jennifer.

You know what I think?


I think we were
set up like ten pins.

You mean it wasn't an accident?

Jonathan checked out the ledge

where the rock was launched.

It was natives, right?

In Abercrombie and Fitch boots.


I guess they're not
fooling around anymore.

I didn't think that
they were before.

Listen, you're the
boss, but it seems to me

that this project isn't
worth fighting for anymore.

Well, this is a little
personal to me, Ripley.

I don't like people
getting killed,

especially when
they're working for me.

( horn honks )

Anybody home?

It's Dr. Vioc.

Ah, Señor Ripley.
Buenas dias, eh?

I saw a Jeep on the road, and...

Hey, Señor Hart, Señora Hart.

- Dr. Vioc.
- Doctor.

Were you in that Jeep?

Luckily we weren't in the Jeep.

Well, I hope no one was injured.

Well, Nick got
his leg hurt a bit.

What can we do for you, doctor?

I'm a bit embarrassed.

I think I left without
enough water.

I wonder if I might
borrow some from you.

- Sure.
- Ah, thank you.

Where are you headed, doctor?

To a small excavation
east of Machu Picchu.

Might have been an
outpost to the fortress.

Sounds exciting.

Do you think we could make
it to that other site today?

Well, I'm no good for it, but
Ripley can get you up there.

You still have
plenty of daylight.

Shall we try that, darling?

I'm game.

Rip, gear up the
burros for an overnight.

Will do.

If you're heading
towards San Jupo,

perhaps we can
walk together for a bit.

Wonderful. Take
care of yourself.

Bye-bye, Jennifer.

Jonathan: You know what they
say about the mountains of Peru?

Jennifer: No. What do they say?

Jonathan: It's all
uphill from here.

Well, thank you for
your charming company.

It's not often I take a stroll
with such a lovely lady.

Thank you, doctor,
and good luck to you.

Adios, señora,
gracias. Adios, eh?

Hasta la vista.

Thanks very much, doctor.

How about a drink of water?

Ooh, with a little
twist of lemon please.


It's okay. It's
okay. It's all right.

You have to be very careful.


It's one of the deadliest
snakes around here.

I didn't even see it.

Yeah, well, they
blend in pretty well.

They can leap as
high as a man's waist.

Well, t-thank you.

Fortunately, they're very rare.

Is this what you were after?

What do you say
we make camp here?

( sighs ) I thought
you'd never ask.

Well, we've only got about
an hour of daylight left.

( speaks Spanish )

You know, I was looking
at that ridge line back there,

and I was sure it was
over my right shoulder.

Now it's over my left.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

After a while, you don't
know which end is up out here.

Think I'd rather lose my
gun than my compass.

( speaks Spanish )

Well, one thing's for certain,

we know that the
sun sets in the west.

Dinner will be ready soon.


Oh, well, we're set.

Look at that.

Isn't that a beautiful sunset?

Another shot of Irish?

Oh, no thanks.

No, no, thank you.

It is awfully good, though.

It does seem to taste
better in front of the fire.

Well, what time are
we taking off tomorrow?

Up with the birds.

How much farther is it?

A couple of hours.


Will you call us?

Of course.

Oh, dear.

I don't know about you, darling,

but I think I'm getting a case
of your sleeping sickness.

Me too.

Oh, dear.

Well, Rip, would you
mind if we turned in?

No, no, no, not at all.


Oh... standing
up's not too easy.

Sleep tight.

- Thank you.
- Thank you, good night.

Darling, are you asleep?

I think so.

Could you put out the l...


( grunts )

Come on, it's time for all

good little campfire
girls to rise and shine.

( Jennifer groans ) Oh, my head.

I feel just awful.

I don't understand.

How could they have just
disappeared without us knowing?

The hangovers we got?

Ripley's Irish coffee.

Oh, no wonder I feel so bad.

Not as bad as I feel

knowing that Ripley is it
and we let him hang us.

Hold on a second.

What are you doing?

They took our machete.


That figures.

So now we're lost in the
jungle without any weapons.

Yeah, and not a
dime to call a taxi.

You think we're going to be
able to find our way out of here?

I hope so.

Why don't we just wait?

Nick is bound to
come and look for us.

No, we can't take
a chance on that.

Ripley's already killed
at least two people.

What's two more?

Well, if he was gonna do that,

why didn't he
just do it already?

It seems like he
likes to have nature

do his dirty work for him.

Here, look at that.


They went that way.

But didn't we come from there?

Yes, we did, but they must
be going somewhere else.

Look at that. You see
the edge on that print?


That's the same
print I saw on the ridge

back there where the
boulder came down.

Lets roll up that tent
and take it with us.

We may need it.

Drop it.

I don't want to have to
shorten your blowpipe.

One scratch and you're dead.

I got it.

Be careful.

Look at this.


Jonathan: Our friend again.

Well, look at this.

Pretty well-equipped
hiding place.

( gasps )

Jonathan: Is that
what I think it is?

You're right, and what I think
is we ought to get out of here.

We're better off in here
than we are out there.

I hope so.

( bats squealing )

Oh, no!

It's okay. It's all right.

Take it easy.

Dead end.

Please don't use
that expression.

Wait, hold this.

There's air coming through here.

This could be a
door of some kind.

Jennifer: Darling, what's that?

Jonathan: That could be the key.

Open sesame.

My, my, my.

I can't believe it.

A genuine tomb.

Look at this. Matches.

And not of the period.


What's going on, Nick?

I've been trailing
you since you left.

The leg was a fake?

Nick: I had a gut
feeling about this guy

that I just had to play at.

Ripley: I'm sorry it had to
end like this for you, Mr. Hart.

The other ways I had to stop
you were so much more exotic.

Where is the lovely Mrs. Hart?


So, Ripley, how did you
stumble onto this one?

He didn't, Señor Hart.

Dr. Vioc.

This is my discovery.

I chose to include Señor
Ripley when I realized

that your scan would
expose my, uh, activities.

Now what?

Well, with your unfortunate
disappearance in the jungle

at the hand of Indians,

I think it is certain that
board at Hart Industries

will deem it prudent to
close down land scan 3.

You're not just
going to kill us?

Ah, believe me señora
Hart, it is not easy.

I am not a violent man.

It is what gold does
to the mildest of men.

You know, Vioc,
there's a lot of people

that know that we're down here.

Maybe people disappear
in the jungle, Señor Hart.

Sometimes their
bodies are never found.

Cut the rope.

Well, that should
take care of everything.

Not quite.

No, wait! No, no!

What was that?

That could have been
the end of a partnership.

Can you budge it?

No, I don't think I can.

Nick: Jonathan, take
look at that candle.

It's flickering.

If there's another draft,
there's another opening.

Here hold this.

Hold it right there, doctor.

( chuckles )

You are very
industrious Señor Hart,

but I believe Señor
Ripley told me

he relieved your
weapon of its ammunition.

I guess it's time you find out

whether you believe
in Ripley or not.

Well, darling, I
think we finally found

something authentic for
the inspector's collection.

Try this on, Mrs. H.


This wasn't exactly right.

You know, it was
a little off the mark,

but I like the whipped cream.

That was a very good touch.

Let's see.


Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!

( chuckles )

That's it! Perfect!

I figured.

And I used artificial
chocolate milk.

It saves on the calories.

No, no you're supposed
to use real chocolate.

It's the chocolate
that creates the sugar,

that then pumps all the
oxygen into the blood.

That's the point of the drink.

There's plenty of sugar in
that little number, Mrs. H.

I used a jigger of Jamaican rum,

a shot of Russian
vodka 190 proof,

not to mention a little
overlay of Creme de Cocoa.

I just got off the
phone with Nick.

We struck it big.

They had a signal hit
a big vein of copper.

( laughing )

What's this?

Max just learned how to
make a traveler's delight.

For your Himalayan trip, Mr. H.

She says it works terrific
in the high mountains.

The Himalaya trip
isn't for two months.

She want a lot of extra
Thermos jugs of that stuff.

( laughing )

You have to plan ahead.

I was planning ahead.

- Darling?
- Yes.

Are you asleep?

Oh, no, no, no.
I'm just practicing.

Shh. Shh.


You want a
traveler's delight, too?

No, I don't want a
traveler's delight, too.

How some gin at
a nickel a point?

You got it. I better
turn off the blender.