Hart of Dixie (2011–2015): Season 3, Episode 5 - How Do You Like Me Now? - full transcript

Zoe, I love you, but I don't
even know if I can write here.

You're gonna fall in
love with BlueBell.

I don't have any interest
in being part of an organization

that would ask me to remove
gum from the sidewalk.

There is this girl, Zoe.
Zoe Hart? I love her.

I called off my wedding for her.

Then I found out I was too late,
'cause she slept with Wade.

Luckily, the solution is simple.
Write a song about your pain.

I'm Lemon Breeland.
I go by Peter.

Aren't you gonna miss your flight?
It can wait a couple more hours.

We are not going to get together.
Lavon would break my kneecaps.



- George?
- I need a doctor, and it can't be Brick.

George! Hey!

Just the guy
I'm looking for.

I have something for you.

Nope. No, thank you.

Well, try it. It's whitefish
salad from Russ & Daughters!

No! No, thank you.

You know, was a gesture, just to say
that we have put everything behind us,

and that we're friends now.

No, we are not friends.

Incorrect. We are friends.

Remember the other week,
when I fixed your hand,

I sewed you up,
and we chatted?

There was bonding, repair,
bridges once crumbled, rebuilt.



I called you out of desperation.

Fine.

Next time you get an appendage
stuck in some girl's zipper,

have Brick deal with it.

He will not be as gentle as I.

Wade, my old pal, as you may
surmise, I will have my usual.

Meat Lover's Omelet...
hold the meat, hold the yolks,

hold the potatoes,
don't butter the toast.

Got it.

Doc, can I get you anything?

I'm on my way to the office.
Just a coffee to go.

Will do.

What are we smiling at?

Just, I've never had a usual.
I really like it.

I'm settling
into a nice routine here.

You know, I-I write
in the morning, I have lunch,

take a taxi over
to Gulf Shores

to get my double
caramel Macchiato.

Maybe it's time to
learn how to drive.

No way. I'm the only person keeping
Yellow Cab Company in business.

Well, you and BlueBell
seem to be hitting it off.

I'd say
our future is very promising.

Oh, now, my dear, go save lives.

I have a book to write.

My short story takes place
in London.

This helps set the mood.

Is he gonna camp out there all day
hogging the only outlet?

- 'Cause Frank's gonna have a cow.
- Shut up!

Joel... he's doing good.
You know, he has

a place to write,
he has friends.

And it's all thanks
to my acclimation program.

Hey, ladies,
some good gossip?

Oh, it's nothing.

Just Dash's weekly poll.

You know, should we get a
traffic light? Who wore it best?

Oh, turns out it was Delma
at Bingo night.

58% thinks we should do
Oklahoma as the town musical,

42% think that the Rammer Jammer
should have soft serve,

and 13% thinks Joel is the right guy
for Zoe Hart.

Hey, 13%!
Ain't half bad.

You! Are you somehow
behind this?

Dash's blog poll? Yeah,
caught me red-handed.

See, I took a computer class, learned
hacking and I made it into the mainframe.

It was pretty tough,
but I did it.

No, I did not.

Matter of fact, I voted yes.

Well, I don't get it.

You know, how could they not
think that he's right for me?

Don't they like him?
What's not to like?

Season 3, Episode 05
"How Do You Like Me Now?"

Something I can help you with,
ladies?

Not a thing.
Just discussing Belle business.

- With an actual Belle.
- Mm.

And how you stood up Tanner
Hughes at the Halloween Masquerade.

And the possibility that
you just may be mentally ill.

Okay, well, thank you
for your concern,

but I ended my date with Tanner early
because I met someone better.

His name is Peter,
and he's a news producer.

So, where is he?

Well, he had to leave the next
day on an extended assignment

to Scotland, and then
he's off to Vancouver.

Oh, Lemon, dear,

you literally have a figurative
boyfriend in Canada.

Well, he's not my boyfriend,
and I assure you,

he is very charming,
very handsome and very real.

This is my in.

Lemon's making up
fake boyfriends.

If she's desperate enough to do that,
she's desperate enough to take me back!

I thought you said
you were done with her.

As long as she's so pretty
and I'm so... me,

"done" is a four-letter word.

- Morning, Lemon.
- Ah.

Ladies, fortifying ourselves
for the big day, I see.

Our gazebo made the Gazebos of
Alabama Calendar for the first time.

We're February.

Congratulations, Lavon.
Competition for that is fierce.

Yeah. Well, I'm not content
with just February.

You know, shortest month of the year.
I want the cover.

Well, don't you worry, Lavon.
The Belles will not let you down.

We are off to make that gazebo
look like St. Valentine himself.

If he were made of
4,000 pink roses.

Are you crazy, Lavon?

Putting Crickett in charge of a
major public relations project?

Well-well, the gazebo falls
under Belle jurisdiction.

Wait, look, I-I know

you left them ladies behind, but
you think you might help out?

Just this once?

Nope. I'm sorry, Lavon.

Good luck to you.

Are you aware that 87%
of people in this town

don't think Joel and I
should belong together?

- What?
- Have you not read Dash's poll?

Well, I-I read
about the soft serve.

It was right after
the soft serve!

Yeah, I'm a single-issue
voter, so...

Come on. You know, it's obvious.
They don't like Joel.

You didn't either,
until a few days ago.

- Well, that is true.
- My God, it's all my fault.

You know, I've been so busy
selling Joel on BlueBell,

that I've neglected
to sell BlueBell on Joel!

Why do you care so much?

Because these are my people,
you know?

I want them to root for us!

Oh, give it time, Zoe.
Joel is an acquired taste.

Just like you.

Yeah, and it stunk
when I didn't fit in.

We need to make him popular,
pronto.

- You know what would help?
- Mm.

An endorsement
from an esteemed public figure.

You want me to issue a mayoral decree
that all people like your boyfriend?

Yes.

Come on, you're supposed
to be my best friend.

Yeah, and I forgot
how exhausting it could be.

Fine. I will take care
of this myself.

No, no, no, no...

Thank you so much, Mrs. Gorey.
Good to see you.

Good morning, George.

Lynly? You're... you're back?

- Came in last night.
- Great.

That is... that is great, and now
you're in my... you're in my office.

Uh, please tell me you have
something on under that coat.

I totally deserve that.

- How's your finger?
- Uh, it... It is better.

It's back to normal, actually. It can
point to the exit. You see that?

I took a practice LSAT
while I was in Texas.

Did pretty well.

So, despite the fact that I was
mainly trying to seduce you,

guess some of the stuff
you were teaching me sunk in.

So, I got you this.

That's-that's not gonna explode
or anything?

No.

It's a biography of
Thurgood Marshall.

Please consider it

a very small token
of my very humongous apology.

Thank you.

And don't worry.

I'll stay out of your way
from now on.

Good-bye, George Tucker.

I don't want to learn
how to drive a car.

As an environmentalist,
I'm worried about emissions.

As a New Yorker, I'm worried
about driving a car.

Everyone in BlueBell drives.

How else are you going to get
to your movies in Mobile?

Or the fishing hole in Daphne?

I saw every movie in
Mobile three years ago.

- And I don't fish.
- Well...

no better time
than now to start.

I bet you're gonna love it.

Also, I got you this

to keep your eyes out of the sun
while you're doing it.

I... wh...

What is going on with you?

I want us to be more integral
to our community, you know?

And... and if,
in doing so, we are

embraced by an acceptable
66% of it, great.

You know? Ten and two,
start the car.

No, I... no.

Zoe. Zoe, turn this car off.

- Just put your foot on the gas.
- I'm not putting my foot on the gas.

- Push down on the gas.
- I am not...

Push down on the gas!

- I'm not putting my foot down!
- Push it!

Good heavens! Did you all
not see me right here?

- Oh, I see stars.
- Oh, my God, Reverend.

So sorry. Aah.
Are you okay?

Breaking news, BlueBell.

Zoe's new beau just rear-ended
our revered Reverend.

This man just can't
catch a break.

Or seem to find one.

Reverend Mayfair, don't blame
Joel... it's all my fault.

I don't know if you saw
the Blawker's weekly poll,

but only 13% of the people think
that I should be with him.

And I'm sure the number's even
less after hitting you.

I was just trying
to help him out.

Zoe, please...
accidents happen.

I don't blame Joel.
He's new; he's learning.

He seems like an
outstanding fella.

I'm glad you met him.

He is!

You know... if only the whole
town could see that, too.

Hey, you know what?

You have the entire
town's ears every Sunday.

I have a great idea.

What if this Sunday, you preach
a "Love Thy Neighbor"?

Thy new neighbor?

Zoe, uh, I am not the
all-request DJ at WWJD.

I already have my
sermon all set to go.

My in-laws are in town,
the wife is on edge

because we are
sleep-training the twins.

I barely have time to eat my dinner,
much less rewrite my sermon.

I know what you need.
Some R & R.

Doctor's orders.

And then wake up
in the morning,

write your new sermon
with fresh eyes.

Lovely as that sounds,
Beverly's parents are here

because I have the Tween
Adventure Camp tomorrow.

24 hours of zip-lining, hiking

and communing with nature
slash the Lord.

Well, what if Joel and I
led the camping trip?

I am a great zip-liner.

- Mmm...
- No, I am.

I have zip-lined at Club Meds
on three continents!

And Joel?

Half of his book takes
place in the wilderness.

He'll be great.

Well, it would be lovely
to get away

just for a night, alone,

me and the missus, no kids.

All right. I'm in.

- Mazel tov.
- Hallelujah.

Hey, Lemon.
What's up?

These are for you.

Meatball, we've
been through this.

Right. Of course.

You'd rather be with an imaginary
guy from Canada than me.

Peter...?

Even the name's
not realistic.

Elodie and I checked the guest list
for the masquerade party last week.

No sign of any Peter.

That is because he used
his boss's invitation.

I'm sure he did, dear.

First you told people you were
dating Wade, then Peter.

Who's next, Santa Claus?

Okay, you know, I don't know
if you ladies know this,

but that lovely vine you planted

back there is kudzu.
By tomorrow morning,

it will have strangled
your entire garden.

So... good luck to you.

Kudzu? Kudzu?!

This never would've happened
under Lemon's reign.

Right, ladies?

Well... we'll just
clear it out then.

Clear it out.

Yeah. Just clear it out!

Dig! Dig, dig,
dig, dig, dig!

Faster!

All right, folks, tonight's
pub quiz is a close one.

Shula and Cody are in the lead.
George and Tom, one point behind.

Our next question.

How long...
did the Hundred Year War last?

- 116 years.
- Correct!

Boom!

In your face,

- Shula!
- Oh...

Tom, sweetie, Lemon said
I could leave early.

But George and I are
about to take the lead.

Yes, but it's Friday night.

I have to go.
It's Friday night.

That's-that's fine.
That's fine. I can go home.

No, no, no... Team Long/Tucker
is tied for first.

Dang it. Wait.
It's...

Tom, really, it's no big deal.

You don't have to...
What are you doing?

Here? Wally, I am invoking rule
number 24, replacement teammate.

I saw her mouthing answers
over there. She's real good.

Uh... I can go.

Hey, you don't have
to stay if you don't...

Our next question is
for you oceanography buffs.

What is the deepest part
of the ocean?

You know it? Go ahead.

- The Mariana Trench.
- Correct!

And now George and his new
partner Lynly take the lead.

- Oh, man! I knew that one.
- Sure you did, dummy.

You keep answering questions
like that, you can stick around.

- Really?
- Yeah. Just...

Stay on your side of the barrel.
Okay?

Hi, Lavon. What are
you doing here?

Well, I'm here to ask you...
uh, to beg you, really...

would you please reconsider
helping out with the gazebo?

I mean, Crickett has completely
cracked under pressure.

And I need this, uh, we
need this to go well.

For BlueBell's dignity.

Okay.

Yes, I'm in.

- You are?
- Yes.

But...

In return, I need you
to help me prove

that the man that I met at the
masquerade party the other day exists.

His name's Peter.

Yeah, o-okay.
Uh, what's his last name?

That's the thing...

I don't know.

Wow, okay, well,
not a lot to work with.

Uh, but don't worry, Lemon,
we will find your man.

- Deal?
- Deal.

All right.

Correct!

And our winners tonight are
George Tucker and Lynly Hayes.

- Give 'em a hand, y'all!
- Yes!

- We trounced the competition.
- More like destroyed.

Demolished. Obliterated.

- Extirpated.
- Extirpated?

To pull up from the roots.
To destroy completely.

I get in trivia mode, and...
the mind starts going, okay?

Okay. No, I get it completely.

This is why my parents
sent me here.

Oh, really? To play, uh, pub games
with your former one-night stand?

To have good clean fun.

Yeah, well...
this was fun.

And nobody got
any body parts zipped up

into somebody else's clothing,
so there's that.

You are not gonna let me live
that down, are you?

No, I am not.

You want to do it again sometime?
I mean, not the zipper thing.

The-the good clean,
unbloody fun.

- I'd love that.
- Yeah? Uh, I think they got a...

Darts tournament here tomorrow
afternoon, if you're into it.

Then I guess I'll see you
tomorrow, George.

Okay. Yes, you will. Go, team.

All right.

Ooh! Hi.

- Something's different.
- I've been shopping.

Getting all sorts of ready.

Sleeping bag, tent,
chest harness.

Did we join the Israeli army?

Oh, no. Literally the opposite.

Me, you, a Christian
youth group zip-lining!

Yeah, no, we're not doing that.

Oh, no... yes, we are.
It's gonna be great!

This may surprise you, but I am
tragically, deathly afraid of heights.

- No, you're not.
- Oh, yes, I assure you, I am.

But an entire section of your novel
takes place on top of a mountain.

Yes, but I didn't write it on top
of a mountain. I wrote it in a duplex.

I can't even go on the High Line
without taking a Valium.

I-I promised Reverend Mayfair.

Oh, no.
Is this because of the accident?

Yeah, I already sent him
a fruit basket, you know,

an expensive one... like, not one
of those where there's, like,

one star fruit on top
of a ton of cantaloupe.

- It's more than the accident.
- No, I can't go.

- You don't understand...
- I do have a phobia...

- ...which I definitely do...
- Please don't make me tell you...

- I don't like the outdoors!
- I really don't want to tell you.

- I have allergies, my neck hurts If
- I say it, I'm going to regret it.

- ...if I don't use my memory foam...
- We have to go because only 13%

of the people in this town think
you're the right guy for me.

I'm sorry. What?

There was this poll.

But it doesn't matter
'cause we can fix it.

With Reverend Mayfair's
endorsement,

people will see how
great you are.

Then they'll see
how great we are.

Come on. We have to go camping.

I'm not going camping.

Wait. Yes, you are.

No. No, I'm not. You know,

if the people of BlueBell don't
like me, that's their problem.

No, Joel, it's our problem.

You won't be happy
here unless you fit in.

And I want you to be happy!

Well, you know what would make
me happy is not zip-lining!

Fine! Don't go!

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to figure out a way

to tell Reverend Mayfair that
he's not getting lucky tomorrow!

What?

And now we are teething.

But, thanks to
your little plan,

tonight it is Bertie
and Marge's problem.

Oh, you're a saint,
Zoe Hart.

Right. About that.
Um, some bad news.

It turns out Joel has a medical
condition... acrophobia... fear of heights.

So it would be really unsafe
for him to go

on any sort of trip
where the main activity

involves flying through trees
on a wire.

I'm sorry, but are you writing

your boyfriend a doctor's note?
Here, sweetheart.

Uh, may I remind you that
I also have a medical condition?

Whiplash.

Yes, which I feel
really bad about.

- But...
- No, no, no.

I'm sorry, but you cannot
back out of this.

Now... I have bought champagne.

Beverly has bought
some lingerie.

We need this. And, if I remember
correctly, you need a sermon.

What if I found someone
to take Joel's place?

Well, that would be fine.

I mean, as long as it's someone
that was reliable

and has basic outdoor experience

and had no criminal record,
that would be kosher with me.

I know just the guy.

No way, no how.

But it's an all-expense
paid vacation!

It'll give us a chance,
you know, to get over all this.

- Bond and such.
- It is chaperoning.

And I don't want to bond
because I don't like you.

- When are we gonna get over that?
- When are you gonna go back to New York?

See, that is the kind of thing
that we need to get over.

Uncalled for, Tucker!

Hey, Wanda.

How would you like
a free night

at a rustic outdoor resort
with zip-lining?

I'm sorry, Zoe,
but I have to work.

And also, I went to
Tween Adventure Camp

and those girls are mean.

Hey! Jemmaline, Cody! What do you say?
I'm desperate.

I'll do it.

Not that desperate.

I'll go.

I like the woods.
Nice and quiet.

Oh, thanks, but this trip involves
a dozen loud 13-year-old girls.

I'll turn off my hearing aid.

Better than nothing.

Hey, Susie, do you think that you could
fit me in for a haircut this afternoon?

- Sure, sugar. 3:00?
- 3:00. It's a date.

Haircut, huh?

I wonder which pretty brunette
that could be for.

Hmm. Maybe it's the one
who asked me how

to play darts this morning
in Lavon's kitchen.

Okay. Okay. Lynly and I are hanging out.
It's no big deal.

No big deal. Just make sure
you marry her.

Excuse me?

Well, you and Lavon,
you're buds now.

You know, he probably thinks
you're a stand-up guy.

But when you hurt
his little Lynly?

That man will pull out
your toes,

one by one, and he will
stick them up your nose.

And I'd have to lend a hand
'cause I don't pay rent

and he expects me to help out
with that kind of thing.

Okay, Elodie,
let's remove

a few of those swans.
There's no need to be gaudy.

Wow. We may
actually make it.

Oh, we'll make it.
This ain't my first rodeo.

Crickett, let me see
those dahlias.

You guys need a hand?

Oh, yeah, that would be great.

Um, these begonias
need planting.

Actually, I really need
to keep my nails dirt-free,

because I kind of might have
a date later.

A date? With who?

Something came up,
not going to make it tonight.

With you!

To watch one of those...
bug war shows. Yay!

- Now hand me a digger thingy.
- Oh. Yeah.

Oh, uh, I'll be right back.

Did you hire Frank
to find Peter?

He's the town P.I.
I support local business.

Plus, he-he ain't that bad.

Not bad?
I'm excellent!

You know how difficult
this task has been?

Peter is the third most
common name in the world!

Well, I mean, I knew it
was gonna be a long shot.

But, since I also knew
he was a news producer

and stayed at the Sandy Breeze,
it helped narrow things down.

- So you did find him?
- Well, let a man tell a story!

Okay, can you just tell...
Did you find him or not?

I narrowed it down to one man.

Peter Galecki.

News producer for WZVR.

Peter Galecki?

Zip-line! Zip-line! Zip-line...!

Zip-line! Zip-line...!

Zoe?!

Hey, Rev. Wait...
can I call you Rev?

Because I feel like we're good enough
friends where I can call you Rev.

No! No, no, no, no, no.

- What? No Rev?
- No! Sergeant, how are you?

Good, good.

No. Sergeant Jeffries is completely
unacceptable as a co-counselor.

You two are apt to set a forest
fire out there. You know what?

- Just forget it. I'm going.
- Really, dear? Really?

All right, on second thought...

Do not move this bus
for ten minutes.

I'll be right back.

Huh. He is surprisingly agile
for a man of the cloth.

I can't believe you're really
going through with this.

Look, Joel,
this town has few perks,

but the one that has kept me
here is the feeling,

for the first time in my life,
that I belong to a community.

And I wanted you
to feel that, too.

So I'm doing it for us.

A popular thought is to always keep
your weight on the top of your feet.

That's ridiculous! The weight should
be on the bottom of your feet.

George! Mr. Outdoors!
How you doing?

Any big plans tonight?

- Uh, actually, I had a date, but...
- Oh, great.

'Cause this guy
needs a favor.

And, uh,
that guy does, too.

- Sergeant Jeffries?
- Yeah.

Glad I found you. Um, Delma
said that she needs you

to step in and run bingo night
over at the community center.

- All right.
- And don't worry. I got all this.

All right, but, uh, be careful of
the one with the pink hair, though.

I think she's a wiccan.

Noted. Noted.

Um, this does not
mean we're friends.

Good morning, girls.
You ready to go?!

Wow. People, uh... people
really like that guy.

Oh, yeah, George Tucker
is the best.

Of course, you must be
pretty great yourself,

or our Dr. Hart wouldn't
have volunteered

to swing through the woods
with a bunch of gossipy tweens

just to make me
make you feel welcome.

I'll see you Sunday, compadre.

I'm setting up my tent.

Can you show me
how to set up my tent?

Why, exactly, are you leading
a church camping trip again?

It's a long story.

Well, I'm sure that's not gonna
keep you from wanting to tell it.

There was a poll.
People don't like Joel.

- Shocker.
- I think it might be his lamp.

You know, writers are
a unique breed.

Nope, that's not it.

Okay.

11-year-old girl,
thanks for your input.

Name is Maisie, and
I didn't vote for Joel,

my parents didn't
vote for Joel,

none of the girls
here voted for Joel,

because we think you
should be with him.

- What?
- Wait.

- Him?! Wait.
- No, that's...

Seriously, that's what
the poll's about?

- Ridiculous!
- Sure.

The day George left Lemon
at the altar

because he secretly loved Zoe was, like,
the most dramatic day in BlueBell history.

- It so was.
- Totally!

It was in the newspapers
and everything.

Oh, my God, oh, my God,
it was in magazines...

Okay, girls. Yeah, you know what?
Let's just...

Let's settle down... let's all
just settle down a little bit.

Okay, first off, that
was a long time ago.

- Yeah.
- And secondly, nothing, and I mean

nothing ever happened
between Dr. Hart and I, so...

- No.
- But, what about the song?

- What...?
- Hmm? What song?

♪ If she never came to town

♪ Then she never
would have found me ♪

♪ Driving on the side
of the road ♪

♪ When I gave her a ride
and she sat down inside ♪

♪ I didn't know things
were about to explode. ♪

Not a word.

What's up, buddy?
Can I get you a beer?

Actually, whiskey.

And make it a double.
And then, double that.

Quadruple whiskey,
coming right up.

13 percent.

It's not like I'm the
House of Representatives.

Hey, why don't
people like me?

Is it the whole
North-South thing?

Because I thought we, as a
country, had moved past that.

Don't let it bother you,
all right?

I don't care what people say about me.
Seems to have gotten me this far.

Tween girls were cheering

for George in the street today,
like he was a British boy band.

So, I mean, even Zoe told me that
she had a thing for him, right?

Look, there's one thing
I know, it's that

you can't worry about how you
measure up to George Tucker.

'Cause nobody does.

You're right.
No one does.

How you holding up over
there, Lonely Hearts Club?

George is great at everything,
except for relationships.

What do you think happened
to make him so messed up?

You mean,
you don't know?

It all started
when handsome lawyer

George Tucker found beautiful
city doctor Zoe Hart

along the side
of the road.

Everything ready to go?

Gazebo looks great.

Are you okay?

I mean, is this
about the address?

You know, the thing is, Lavon,
what if Peter is imaginary?

What-what do you mean?
You-you got the address.

I know, but... we had
a magical night, but what if...

that's all
it was supposed to be

is just a wonderful memory?

Meatball!

If you want to get
Lemon's attention,

I think I know how you can.

♪ The cutest guy,
the cutest guy... ♪

- You wrote a song about me?
- Yes, about how much I hate you.

I don't know why
everyone finds that so romantic.

Okay, so, you wrote it right after
you found me with Wade in May.

Then you went on tour.

Then, I found you in the motel
all bearded and broken-hearted.

I was broken-hearted about
Tansy, you egomaniac!

And you know
why she rejected me?

Because she heard that song,

and she also found it
to be weirdly romantic.

- Oy.
- Yeah.

And the worst part is,
now everyone in BlueBell...

they know exactly
how messed up I am.

Can't go on a date
without everyone thinking

I'm gonna break
some poor girl's heart!

- Well, you have had a bad run of it.
- No.

You know what the worst part is?

I don't even know if I want
to go on dates anymore.

'Cause I can't really afford
to have my heart broken anymore.

I realize that
that could partly be my fault.

Yeah, I wish that I would not have
gone to see you that morning,

I definitely wish I wouldn't
have written that song, and

I wish I would have never picked
you up on the side of the road.

Yeah. No, I can see why.

'Cause if you never met me,

you'd probably be happily
married to Lemon right now.

Okay, that's not fair, Zoe.

Look, George,
I get it, okay?

I get that I came here,
and I complicated things.

And I get that you don't want
to be my friend.

But I just... I wish
that you could figure out

that everything that's gone
wrong isn't entirely my fault.

I just...

You were the first person
to accept me here.

And I miss you.

And the rest is history.

Ooh, I'm late for bingo.

I got to get there early, before
the ladies get all the hot cards.

You want to know why this town
isn't rooting for you and Zoe?

It's the same reason
George won't date me.

Because he and
everyone else

are still waiting for Zoe
and George to get together.

I should have known.
I'm a writer!

You know,
she met George in Act One,

and they all think that I'm just
the Act Two complication,

but, I'm not! I'm not!

I am going to rewrite this
love story so that when

she walks off into the sunset,
it's with me.

- What are you gonna do?
- I'm going to the woods.

- I don't think that's a good idea.
- Why not?!

You know, I-I'm a...
I'm a man of action!

I can tap into my inner... my
inner Hemingway, and, uh, and

my, um...
my "Morman Nailer."

Whoa! Wait there, pal.
You, uh... you need a hand?

No! No.

Yes!

Where-where are the woods?

Well, I'll tell you what...

I'll drive you there myself.

- Ha!
- Yes, I will.

- Yeah!
- Yeah, buddy.

No, thank you.

Yeah! All right!

Huh. That was awesome.

I am going again.

George is so cool.

I think tonight, you should
sneak into his tent.

- We won't tell anyone.
- You girls got it all wrong.

I have met the love of my life.

We share the same morals,
humor, background...

somebody you all
should look up to.

Zoe Hart!

I love you.

And I'm going to show the world
that I am a "fitter-inner."

Joel, what are you doing here?
Wade, what's he doing here?

Don't look at me...
I'm just the designated driver.

'Cause I was
too drunk to drive.

And I... and I...
I don't know how to drive.

Have you been drinking whiskey?
Remember, whiskey makes you stupid.

- I karate-chopped a street lamp.
- The street lamp won.

- How could you bring him here like this?
- Man heard the call of nature.

Where is he?
Where is he?

- Who?
- George Tucker, of course!

What? Why?

Yeah, baby!

- Yeah!
- Whoa.

Oh, man! This is awesome!

Of course... of course
it would come to this.

The hero must face
his greatest fear.

Wh... uh, Joel, w-what are
you... what are you doing?

Joel, come down from there.
Come down from there right now.

Attention, BlueBellites!

You have it all wrong!

George Tucker is not
the hero of the Zoe story.

I am!

Oh, my God!

And I'm gonna prove it.

In the manner of literature's
greatest protagonists...

by zip-lining!

What? No, Joel!
No! Joel!

See, I think
that you'll find

that the landscaping reflects the
timeless elegance of the South.

Are you a
gazebo aficionado?

I just kind of...
got the assignment.

Oh, abort, abort, abort.

- What?
- We have a... situation...

Over at the gazebo.
We need more time.

Perhaps Lavon could give you a quick
tour of the town before we do the shoot.

For context, of course.

Uh, you know,
that's a great idea.

Uh, we'll be back.

Lemon Breeland,

I love you!

Oh, good Lord.

- Joel, you have to wear a harness!
- Harness is for pansies!

What... No... Do not jump!

Do not do it! It's dangerous.
You'll kill yourself!

You'll kill yourself!

- What?
- No, no, no, no.

Hey. I have got this
well in hand!

What the hell
is Joel doing here?

Actually, he's trying to fit in.

- He's gonna hurt himself.
- No kidding.

I got him.

Oh, no, no. No, no.
You are not saving me!

You are not saving me,
Mr. Golden Boy!

No.

Joel! You could
kill yourself!

Viva Joel!

It's too bad.

Guy's so worried
about George Tucker.

I know. It's insane.

Course it is. Everybody's
got it all wrong.

'Cause you and I
both know damn well...

you're still
in love with me.

Looking good, buddy!

Help.

A little help?

Never seen
that one before.

But I got to tell you,
boy's got chutzpa.

I can't believe you did that.

- That was crazy. You are crazy.
- Yes, I am.

It was kind hot, right?

I'm just gonna...
I'm gonna take a nap.

Sleep it off, babe.
Sleep it off.

Is, uh...

- Is he alive?
- Yeah.

Super-duper drunk, but alive.

Good. Good to hear that. Um...
listen, Zoe, I just...

I just wanted to say that I...

do not completely regret it.

Picking you up
on the side of the road.

- I don't.
- You don't?

No.

And the disaster
that is my life...

It is not...
entirely your fault.

Really?

Yeah, just, like,
almost 90% of it is.

Oh.

As moderately satisfying
as it is

for me to blame you for...
everything,

well, I-I realize now
that it's time for me to...

stop dwelling.

So... does this mean
that we are friends again?

Mm. We-we can be
acquaintances to start.

Yeah. I'll take it.

OMG,
Zoe, you were right.

Joel was so brave.
Is he gonna be okay?

- I am totally gonna read his book.
- I'm gonna read his book, too!

I'm gonna get his autograph!
I'm gonna get his picture!

I'm gonna
get everything!

I can't believe
he did that!

- Meatball, you have to go now!
- Listen to this song.

♪ My love is like a zombie
coming back from the dead ♪

♪ You make me weak

♪ In my knees and in my head

♪ You may like your Crickett,
Elodie or AB ♪

♪ But Lemon Breeland
is the one for me. ♪

Well, that was, um...

Unique.

And despite being a
little off-key, it was...

It was very sweet.

- You are very sweet.
- So you'll take me back?

Meatball... you were
there for me in a...

moment in time
where I really needed someone.

But some moments in time
are just meant to be that,

just a... a fleeting memory
for us to cling to.

- But I don't want anybody else.
- Of course you do.

You want someone that's crazy about
your-your songs and your wardrobe and...

Your unique odor and...

Doctor Who.

You didn't like Doctor Who?

So...

Are you ready
to unchain yourself?

On one condition.

I want a good-bye kiss.
With tongue.

Fine.

One kiss.

No tongue.

This is new...

You knocking on my door.

Yeah. Yeah.

- Want to come in?
- Uh... sure. Um...

Look, Lynly,
I-I just wanted to...

I just wanted to come by
and to say

I'm sorry for cancelling
our date yesterday.

Had an interesting afternoon.

Dash filled me in
on your whole dramatic past.

Oh. Yeah, like I said, damaged goods.

I see.

But I really want you to know
that this isn't about you.

You know, I mean, besides
the manipulation and the... nakedness

and the... just
the general kookiness,

you... you are really...
pretty great.

It's just that...

The timing's not right.

Okay.

Okay.

- I accept that.
- You do?

Course not, George Tucker.

I've got my eyes on you.

And I am gonna wear you down.

Damaged goods and all.
You'll see.

I...

Whew. Quite a sermon today.

- Mmm.
- Yeah.

The reverend was
in a great mood.

He really was, right?

So, uh, what'd you decide
to do about Peter?

Nothing.

Uh, I decided
that it was perfect...

as it was, the moonlight walk
and the easy conversation,

and I just think if I try and
recreate it again or get it back...

- It won't be the same.
- Exactly.

Well, if-if you do
see him again,

you can brag
about your instrumental role

in landing our gazebo
on the cover

of the Gazebos of Alabama
Calendar.

No way!

Shut up! Is it amazing?
Let me see.

How do the dahlias look?

Uh, good.

But, um...

Well, you should see
for yourself.

- Of course.
- Yeah.

But it is a great shot,
is it not?

It is.

Hey, Reverend, great sermon.
Thank you.

I'll second that.
It was the...

First sermon I've ever heard,
but it was very well composed.

Well, any time, son.

And thank you two
for covering at the camp.

Uh, a night away was just
what the missus and I needed.

- Wasn't it, honey?
- Absolutely.

We're just
gonna go... now.

Guys, have you seen
Dash's new poll?

You're up. Way up.

Oh, 35% think Joel
is the right guy for Zoe.

Well, it's not soft-serve
territory yet but it's progress.

Joel, I'd really like it if you'd come
do a reading at my book club this week.

Sure, I'd love to.

And I have a weekly poker
game I'd love for you to join.

Poker...
see, I can do poker. Thanks.

Seriously? I've never been
invited to poker night.

Well, I'm a man
of the people.

Joel, tell us more
about zip-lining.

Was it...
was it terrifying?

Did you puke? Oh, oh,

Did the firemen
have a Dalmatian?

Oh, hey! I'll have you know

Joel's numbers have doubled
since last night.

Well, just remember,
there's a...

pretty big margin of
error on those things.

...and I was totally unaware.

I didn't know where I was
or what I was doing.

And somewhere in the middle,
I looked down

and I'm, like,
"Oh, my God! I'm in the air!"