Hart of Dixie (2011–2015): Season 3, Episode 21 - Stuck - full transcript

The famous restaurant blogger,
Walter Wallen. If you'll

excuse me, I'm gonna go
convince him to review Fancie's.

Whoa. This guy can do so much for
restaurants, maybe I want him

reviewing the Rammer Jammer.

I never do

two reviews in one town,

but there's a first time
for everything.

Double Five Fork review.

Oh, Davis, how come
you are so wonderful?

And you forgot
handsome and charming.

Didn't realize y'all were so serious.
We are.



Wade, I know that you feel
like I let you down, but

no matter what either one of
us did, Charles and Vivian...

Look, Zoe, I get you were
only trying to help,

but it's probably better
that I don't interact with you.

Knock, knock, knock.

And hello!
Brando!

Hey, what-what are you
doing here, and so early?

I had to come see you

because you are responsible

for the very best
thing in my world.

I'm getting married!

Sylvie Stephens said yes!

Oh, my God, that's amazing!

Never forget, you are the reason
this happened.



You, Zoe Hart, are a love maker.

I am. I should put that
on a business card.

Know what else

you should put on a
business card? Your address.

And then you should memorize it

so I don't keep getting your
crap delivered to my house.

Wade, I was coming
to see you next.

I just heard
the good news, Brando.

Congrats. She's
a lucky lady.

Uh, that is not my crap, okay?

My name isn't even on the box.

You are the only
person in this state

who orders quilts by the box.

When the seasons change.

And I already have my duvet
for this season.

I-I'm gonna go.

The wedding will be
in the next month or so.

Oh, also, Sylvie would love it

if the two of you would give
a reading together.

There's a Shel Silverstein poem...
Yeah, that's not gonna happen.

Absolutely not. I'm hearing you
say you'll think about it.

I can't tell you

how happy I am to share this.

Oh, wow.

What can I say?

Sylvie turned me into a hugger.

Oh, nice.

So long.
Okay.

Look what I made happen. Hmm.

Hey! You know,
that's not mine.

I'm not returning
your stupid box, Wade!

Hmm. Zoe Hart,

Love Maker.

Nice.

Well, I've got nothing
before 9:00.

Well, I'm sorry.

Blame Walter Wallen.

But I promise,
it'll be worth it.

You're welcome!

I say you're welcome
because you're gonna thank me

as soon as you hang up.

Hang up.

Grandma, what are
you doing here?

I did it.

I pulled every string,

and I booked you on the Belles
and Bachelors Cruise.

Oh, no.

The S.S. Desperation?

That's what we used to call it.

When you were younger
and had all your options.

Now you'd better call it
your last best chance

to find your perfect
Southern fiancé.

So, you want
to put me out to sea

for a month with a bunch
of Titanic-worshipping losers?

It is a luxury liner

with a very exclusive
passenger list,

most of whom disembark engaged.

It's Noah's Ark in reverse.

You leave in four days.

Uh, no, I don't.

If you want to go get norovirus
on the Love Boat, you go.

I'm very busy here.

I have a very popular
restaurant to run.

Well, there isn't anybody here.

That's because
we're not open yet!

Hmm.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have a meeting
with Melanie LaRue,

Southern Alabama's
most influential socialite,

and she just might want to be
throwing her wedding here.

Well... why don't you ask her
where she met her fiancé?

I've got an Andrew Jackson
says she met him on the boat.

Oh!

Magnolia?
It's your grandmother.

I need your help,
and I'm willing to pay.

No, no,

and no, I am not interested
in having some unqualified

16-year-old mentee
following me around.

Unqualified? I will
have you know,

I have seen every episode of
House, most of them twice.

And many, many
times I figured out

what was wrong with those
people before House did.

Hey. What's going on?

I, Rose Hattenbarger,
have decided

I might want to be a doctor,
so I want to shadow one

for a few days.

No way! That is so cool!
Shadow me!

Yes, do that!

No!

Well, no offense,
but you're not tough

and curmudgeonly
enough to be a mentor.

I need Dr. Breeland to be
the short-tempered Meryl Streep

to my wide-eyed Anne Hathaway,
so that

I will eventually
win his respect.

Your respect's
not that hard to win.

Ouch. I think.
Oh.

Crazy Earl's waiting for you.

Earl? Is he lost?

Says he's here for a physical.

- That's a first.
- No!

- The answer is still...
- Bertram?

I am taking you to lunch.

We must talk about Lemon.

Oh, Mother, uh, well,
you know I would love to,

but, uh, actually,
I am spending the entire day

being a mentor

to the next generation
of physicians.

Yes. The most
important work there is.

Well, then, later
at family dinner.

Amazing!

Let the healing begin.

And the healing begins
with you making coffee.

Uh, sure, Burt Reynolds
ate the pool table.

But where most men see
a problem, I saw an opportunity.

A Ping-Pong table.

Why not?

So, when you
called me this morning,

said, "Hey, why don't you
come over for breakfast...?"

Oh, we're gonna have breakfast.

After we set up your toy.

Oh! It's not a toy.

This is a piece of professional
athletic equipment.

Well, then, maybe you should
have hired some professionals

to put it together for you
instead of trying

to trick your friend
into doing it for free.

I'm paying you in pancakes.

Uh-huh.

Code Red, Mayor Hayes!

Our perimeter
has been compromised!

Frank, is that the freeway sign?

It's a crime wave.

I say, we find the little
bastards that did this

and string 'em up
by their painty red hands.

Know what I'm
looking at, George?

A cautionary tale
on vigilante justice?

Another opportunity.

Look, look, here's what I
always hated about this sign.

They put BlueBell last, man.

That's right.

That is primo, Grade-A BS.

Yeah, and the state's gonna have
to make the new sign, anyway.

Let's get the comptroller to
put our name first this time.

That's a great idea.

You want me to give 'em a call,
set up a meeting?

Oh, better.

No, invite him
to dinner tonight, my place.

Yeah.
Yeah, you know them city

officials-- they
never get out.

That's right.
That's a great idea.

We'll bring him out,
schmooze him a little bit,

show him a couple of

Super Bowl rings,
and, boom, new sign.

I will call him right now.
All right.

What should I do?

Oh, help me put together
this Ping-Pong table.

I'll get you some pancakes.

Oh!

And breathe out.

Lungs sound good.

Feel good, too.

None of that raspiness,

no more coughing.

Oh, yeah?
What changed?

I want to live my life
with more intention.

You know, be present.
Mm-hmm.

Also, I quit drinking.
What?!

I'm sorry. Did you just say...?

Yup. Four weeks, two days
without a drop.

Earl, that is great.

What inspired this?
Oh.

What inspires anyone
to do anything, really?

I just wanted to be my best self

in case my best self
was called for.

Oh, my God.

Earl, you're in love.

Damn,
Doc, you're good.

Well, turns out-- and I was
reminded of that this morning--

it's kind of my specialty.

I'm so happy for you.

Well, don't be too happy.

I'm pretty sure Mae Ellen
doesn't even know I exist.

Mae Ellen Waterloo, the health inspector?
Yeah.

Doc, I'm feeling things I didn't
think I'd ever feel again.

And, no, this time,
it's not gas.

That is... so romantic.

Have you told her?

I haven't spoken to her yet.

I'm working up to it,

getting in shape.

One day I will.

I tell myself...
anything is possible.

Earl... you are right.

And I'm glad you came to me,
'cause I know how to help you.

Because, yes,

anything is possible.

Ms. LaRue, you already know how
Mr. Wallen feels about our food.

Our room may not be the biggest
that you are looking at,

but, I assure you,
you will find an intimacy here

that you will not
find elsewhere.

Well, there are going to be
a lot of eyes on this wedding.

Do you think Fancie's is ready
to play on that stage?

Melanie's

worried about you
more than herself.

She wants to make sure you're
ready to swim in the deep end.

Oh, I assure you, we are ready.

Well, I admit, I'm intrigued.

Now, I went to your Web site

hoping to see photos
of weddings you've held here,

but I couldn't find
your Web site.

Melanie's concerned

that your lack of Web presence
might indicate a certain

professional naiveté.

Well, about that...

There was a candy store
called Fancie's.

And also, what looked to be
an upscale escort service.

Well, honestly,

after the review, all of that
traffic just crashed our site.

But it will be back
up within the week.

Well, I presume
there will be photos

of weddings you've held here?

You know it.

Melanie just wants
to ensure that your...

I get it.

There will be photos.

Lots and lots of photos.

Mm.

You know, by law,

I'm allowed
to kick you out of this bar.

Well, did you even
hear what I said?!

Yeah, Earl quit drinking.

Happens five times
a week. Good-bye.

No. This is different, Wade.
He is in love.

He even cleaned himself up

for a woman
he hasn't even talked to yet.

Why are you telling me?

Isn't there something called
doctor-patient confidentiality

or, as I like to call it,
leaving me the hell alone?

Because however
you are feeling about me,

he's your dad, and he needs
our help-- both of us.

As we saw this morning,

I have a gift
for putting people together.

And as Alabama's foremost

ladies' man,
you can give him some pointers.

Zoe, if you think any
of this is gonna happen,

you've clearly been drinking.

The last thing Earl needs
is a date.

Well, how can you say that?

Decades of research.

Last time Earl asked a girl out,
it was a five-alarm disaster.

He showed up drunk,
in his underwear...

in the wrong town.

The humiliation sent him into a
lost weekend that lasted a week.

He is ready to be in love.

Okay, he wants this so badly,

and you and me--
we can help him.

See, that's the thing, Zoe.

You and me--
we don't do things together.

You know,
you're an even crappier son

than you are a neighbor.
Mm-hmm.

Fine. If you won't help him,
I will. You want to know why?

I'm sure you're gonna tell me.

Because anything is possible,
Wade. Anything.

Yeah, see,
that's where I disagree.

Not anything.

Oh.

A.B., A.B.,
hey, hey, hey.

Wake up. What's going
on with you? Hey.

Sorry. Tired.
Up all night.

Yes, I get it, new
boyfriend, amazing sex.

Blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah,

No, that's not it, it's....

Nope, I take it back,
that's exactly it.

How did I get so lucky to wind
up with an A-plus boyfriend?

You know, a lesser-evolved
friend might just

punch you right now.

You don't think
he's too good to be true?

No. I think that
your imagination

could be better spent
helping me get photographs

of a wedding in Fancie's

up on a Web site by this
weekend so I can convince

Melanie LaRue to have
her wedding there.

What about staging a wedding?

We, at this table,
do have experience

in the dark arts
of relationship fakery.

No, that won't work.

Melanie LaRue will see
right through that

and it'll blow up in my face.

I need photographs that
capture authentic emotions.

Problem is-is, I don't know
anyone that's getting married.

What about, uh, Brando Wilkes
marrying Joel's grandma?

What... Seriously?

When?

I don't know.
Sometime next month.

Wade.

Sweetheart.

Former business partner and

once-upon-a-time fake boyfriend?

Will you please do me a favor and...
Convince

two people I barely know
to move their wedding

to four days from now in a town
where neither of them lives

so you can get photos
for your restaurant?

Yes.
Yeah, I think I'll pass.

Excuse me, can you
point me towards the owner?

A Wade Kinsella?

Well, take one step this way,
you're looking right at him.

Robin Gilmartin.

I read about you online and
I have a proposition for you.

Is there a time we could talk?
Well, I'd be crazy to turn down

a proposition from a
pretty lady in a red dress.

Ladies. This way.

So. Brando Wilkes.
Mm-hmm.

Now pinch the peel,

apply just enough pressure
to get the needle through,

and push.

Like that?

Boom. There's one orange
that's not

gonna be getting
the flu this season.

That is so cool.

I can't wait to
try it on a person.

Well, we...

Guess who's home.

Magnolia?

What a nice surprise.
Uh-oh. Now,

I didn't miss a call
from the dean, did I?

Grandma invited me home for the weekend.
Oh.

Something about wanting us
to be together as a family.

Hi, Magnolia.

We all...
miss you.

Oh, is your little
pretend orange friend sick?

No. I'm shadowing your father

because I want to be a doctor.

Wow.

Awesome. That doesn't sound
like a loser thing to do at all.

Dad, you have to
see pictures of my new dorm.

It's totally retro. The whole
ceiling is Spice Girls.

Sweetie, I want to hear
about all that at dinner.

But I'm right in the middle
here. I promised Rose

I'd show her some X rays.

Seriously?

Sergeant Jeffries'
kidney stones.

A-And, technically, they are
called calcium deposits.

And these are as big as marbles.

You-You got to see 'em.
Take a look at this, come here.

Wow. Gosh.

Okay. Lamb chops
are on the grill,

dessert is in the oven

and what kind of Scotch
are you serving?

Oh. Say hello
to my little friend.

The Glencallan 62 single malt.
Yeah.

Only 12 bottles
of this ever made.

Yup, or as I like
to call it, the, uh,

"Sure, I'll change the sign if I
can have another glass" Scotch.

All right.

Comptroller Riley.

Oh, you remember
town attorney George Tucker.

Hi.
I-I'm so glad

you could make it
on such short notice.

Oh, oh, I-I hope you don't mind,
I brought a plus one.

Uh, the more the merrier.

Gainey?
Yeah, I brought you a giant cheese wheel.

It stinks.
Oh, it does, a little.

Uh, turns out, Mayor Gainey

also called to discuss
exit signage tonight.

It's a rare occasion I find
a babysitter for my kids, so I

figured I'd kill
two birds with one meal.

I... I hope
it's not a problem?

Yeah, I'd hate
to be an inconvenience.

Uh, is that the Glencallan

single malt, right there?
Purely decorative.

Not for you.

I don't understand

why all this is necessary. I am
who I am.

Of course you are. There's just
a little too much of you

on the back of your neck,
your sideburns,

coming out of your ears.

I...

You know, I have heard that Mae,

while not a picky person,
prefers a close cut.

More hygienic.

All right, then.

Let 'er rip.

Ooh.

Blue would bring out your eyes,

but white would
highlight your smile.

Your pick.

In addition to dancing,

she is also interested
in climate change

and Jennifer Weiner novels.

And, as luck would have it...

Her new book comes out today,
and Mae is in there right now.

So, we're doing this, huh?
Start with your name, firm handshake,

and invite her to dinner.

Well, what if she says no?

Earl. Are you having dinner
with her at the moment?

Right.

Nothing to lose.
Uh-uh.

I'm Earl Kinsella
and I've got a lot to offer.

Well, of course I love Fancie's.

I mean, both times
I've been there,

I didn't have to send anything back.

Waiter, I'll have
what she's having.

Harry Met Sally. Huh?

Ah.

Great, well, then it's settled.

What? No. No, nothing's settled.

I can offer you a 70%
friends and family discount

if you get married this weekend.

We-We just got engaged.

You want me to tell Sylvie we're
getting married in four days?

No offense, but you're
not getting any younger.

Think about it.

Something you need?
A glass

of champagne, barkeep.
I'm celebrating.

What am I celebrating,
you might ask?

No, I most certainly won't.

The fact that I stuck
to my guns and helped

another lonely person find love.

Oh.
Yep, as we speak,

your father
is sitting down to dinner

with the lovely
Mae Ellen Waterloo.

That Mae Ellen Waterloo?

Sorry to interrupt,

but you haven't
heard from your father,

have you?
He was supposed to

pick me up
an hour ago and, well,

I can't seem to track him down.

You don't say.
Oh, come on.

Hey, did you still want that
glass of champagne, Doc?

Brando? Lemon Breeland.
Not trying to pressure you,

but let Sylvie know I have a
great chuppa guy and...

Holy homegrown tomatoes.

Davis Polk.

- Lemon? - AnnaBeth said that you
were too good to be true

and she was right. I can't
believe that you're...

Buying a ring?

Thi-This is Eliza,

my jewelry broker.

Oh, my God.

You're proposing?

I'm so, so, so, so sorry. I
really like the one on the left.

I am so, so sorry.

It's okay, this actually happens
more often than you'd think.

Gi-Give us just a minute.

Um...

A-AnnaBeth's not
with you, is she?

She's supposed to be
at book club.

No, Davis, you are
crafty.

I-I know this seems quick,

but I also know I'm in love,

and if AnnaBeth
feels the same, then...

Carpe diem.

Oh. That is so romantic.

Well, how are you gonna do it?

I'm gonna make
a special dessert,

and bake the ring
into the cake and, um...

What?
Ew.

No, no, no, no, no. No-no ring
in the cake. Cliché. So boring.

A.B. is my best friend, okay?
She deserves something

magical, something befitting
of your relationship.

Well, like what?

Well... You know, just
off the top of my head,

what if we were to turn
the dining room at Fancie's

into the romantic backdrop
of A.B.'s dreams?

And you know what?

For no charge whatsoever, I'll
even take pictures.

You know, maybe I should
check the Butterstick in case

Earl got confused.
He was a little nervous.

Zoe. Even Mae went
home. All right?

You're the only person
who doesn't understand

he ain't coming.

No, of course he is.
Look, I can get Mae back.

Will you just try calling him again?
I already did, all right?

He didn't answer.

I just don't get it.
Really?

Because I'm pretty sure
I explained it to you.

Couple of times.

Well, he was serious about this.

Look, he's changed.
You didn't see him today.

He was so excited.
I'm sure he was.

But excited turns to nervous,
nervous turns to drunk.

It's the Earl Kinsella
circle of life. Now,

if somebody hadn't gotten
him excited about something

in the first place...

You are not suggesting that I...
Can't

help hijacking people's lives?

He came to me.
And asked for advice.

I am a love maker.

Maybe you should say it
a little bit louder,

'cause I'm not sure if
the people on table five

have actually fully lost
their appetites yet.

Look, aren't you
just a little worried

that something
may have happened?

Like what? Abducted by aliens?

Eaten by an
alligator? Zoe,

he's sleeping it off
on a park bench.

If you want, I'll give you a
list of his top ten favorites.

You're wrong.
And I'm going to find him.

Knock yourself out.

Seriously, you're not coming?

I got a business to run.

Good luck, Sparky.

Now, this will be Lemon's seat.

But that's where I sit.

Not tonight.

I want Lemon's back
against the wall.

Now, you remember
your part, right?

I'm to elegantly find
a way to remind Lemon

of the Disney movies
that we used to love

where the princess got married

and the witch was
a lonely old lady

who never settled down
because she refused

to go on the debutante
cruise and she

got uglier until she died alone.

Mm-hmm.
I expect to be paid in cash.

They should be here by now.

Your sister's trying to duck me.

And Daddy texted
he's working late.

When I'm home for the weekend.
Unbelievable.

I want you to go down to
Fancie's and collect Lemon.

'Cause I'm gonna confront her

with the cold, hard truth
of her spinsterhood.

Fine, but I'm making
one stop first. Hmm.

The sign should go BlueBell, Hayes,
what you're suggesting makes absolutely

no sense whatsoever. Fairhope, Fillmore.
It's called alphabetical order.

Oh, the alphabetical order card.

The hobgoblin of small minds.

It's a fact! "B" comes
before "F." Always has,

always will.

Can we be practical?

Who's getting off the freeway
for BlueBell anyway?

Y'all having another one
of them Hug Festivals?

A come-see-
the-town-

that-didn't-get-
the-county-fair-palooza?

Okay.

Comptroller Riley...

what are your thoughts here?

I never did care
for nuts in my salad.

But-but this dressing,
what is it?

Herb vinaigrette.

Oh.

What about the sign?

BlueBell deserves top billing.

We are an historical landmark...

Because of a commode.
Blah, blah,

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I think what
Comptroller Riley

is trying to say here is
that he's heard enough.

We're gonna settle this the same
way I settle disputes at home.

A little competition.

What kind of competition?

Frankly, I'd like
to see you two duel it out

with pistols at dawn.

Okay, well, how about

something from this century?

With a little less guns
and death.

I did see a Ping-Pong table
in the other room.

Best of five?

Winner gets top billing
on the sign.

Done.
Game on.

Someone crack
that bottle of Scotch

and point me towards a couch.

Hey, Robin, uh,
Wade Kinsella here.

Listen, I read your proposal--

a couple times,
actually-- and, uh,

I am most definitely interested.

Call me back.

What?

A bunch of us have
bets on who she is.

This mystery girl who
spun your head earlier.

Sal says mail-order bride,

Frank says undercover cop
trying to pull you into a sting,

and I'm going with
either foreign diplomat

or Pilates guru. So?

So y'all need
to get some hobbies.

Howdy, everyone.

How y'all doing tonight?

You're letting
Lily Anne sing here?

She promised
she wasn't gonna sing about me.

I'm gonna open up
with a dedication

to a very special guy,
a man that I am just...

crazy about.

Did you get that in writing?

♪ We met in BlueBell ♪

♪ You sang like a dove ♪

♪ I fell under your spell ♪

♪ And now we're in love ♪

♪ You're smart
and you're sweet ♪

♪ Charming and hunky ♪

♪ That's why
you will always be ♪

♪ My love monkey ♪

♪ My ♪

♪ Love monkey. ♪

Thank you, darlin'.

Stand up, my little love monkey.

I am her love monkey.

Her primate of passion.

This is Meatball, and...

we're getting married, y'all.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Meatball and Lily Anne?

Anything's possible, right?

Why do people keep saying that?

'Cause it's true, dummy. Look.

Ew.

Earl!

Where are you?

Oh,

Earl.

Can anyone hear me?!

Anyone!

I'm out here!

Earl?

Zoe?!

Back here!
I'm stuck!

Where?

My booby trap!

Your what?

Just follow my voice!

What?

Where? Where are you talking...

Holy crap.

Earl, what the hell?

Did I miss my date?

How did this happen?

Well, a couple years ago, I went
through a survivalist phase

and I bought a manual
and built a booby trap.

No, how did you wind up in it?

Same way you did.

Were you drinking?

Almost.

Truth is, after Mae agreed
to have dinner with me,

all this pressure hit me
like a tsunami.

I could barely breathe.

So I picked up a bottle,

brought it home.
But before

I took a drink,
I remembered what you said.

How I have a lot to offer.

How I didn't want
to mess that up.

Well, good for you.

So I poured it out,

took a walk to clear my head

and, bam, fell down a hole,

stone-cold sober.

That's a first.

I don't have a signal.

You know, maybe
if-if you give me a boost,

I can pull myself out of here.

Uh, I wish I could.

I think I sprained my
ankle on the way down.

I'm having trouble standing up.

What? When I asked you,
you said you were okay.

I thought you meant emotionally.

Let me see your foot.

I must say, I've
never been so disappointed

by something so predictable.

I thought you had a business to run.
Well,

you had me convinced
that he wasn't drunk

and lying in a ditch,
so I had to see for myself.

You would call this

a ditch, right?

It's a booby trap.

Also,

not drunk.

How does it feel to be wrong?

How do you still manage
to sound high on your horse

when you're stuck
in a damn hole?

Are you gonna
get us out of here?

There's a
ladder in the shed.

Of course there is.

'Cause you're prepared
for moments like these.

He really can be a jackass
sometimes, can't he?

Sometimes?

Come on.
Let's get that shoe off.

Wait, what do you mean that you
booked Crickett and Stanley

in Fancie's?
Oh, it turns out

they want to renew their vows.
A big photogenic event.

It just seemed perfect, considering
that's what you needed...

Yeah, well, it would've been had
I not convinced Brando Wilkes

to have his wedding at Fancie's
this weekend.

Well, that seemed like such a long shot.
Uh,

my powers of persuasion
have not yet begun to fade.

There's one teeny-tiny
other thing.

Meatball?

That's the teeny-tiny
other thing.

Hello.

Lemon. Meatball.
I'm getting married!

A.B. told me
Hello.

about your friends
and family discount.

I'm assuming former lovers
qualify.

Booyah!

It helps if your paddle actually
makes contact with the ball,

Hayes.
Going with the old Belarusian backspin, are you?

Uh-huh.

That's how you want to play?

No better way to neutralize

your Jorgen Persson push.

Okay, don't let him get
in your head, Lavon.

I'm pretty sure
he made that last term up.

You know the worst thing
about being comptroller?

No one knows
how to pronounce it.

Is it comptroller?
Controller?

And the jokes.

"Try to comptrol yourself."

That never gets old.

Scotch me.

Not bad.

A bit too relaxed for someone down two points.
Uh-huh.

Maybe 'cause I know something
you don't.

I ain't left-handed.
Hey,

what do you know.
Hate to break it to you,

but the same goes for me,
only the opposite.

With the other hand.

What?

I, too, have been playing
with a hand

that is not my left.

Or my right.

I mean,
the one I'm not as good with.

What are you talking about, man?

Quit confusing me
with your words.

All
right, Single White Female,

what have you done with my dad?

Hmm, let me guess.
He's planning

your college tour?
Buying you a new car?

A nice convertible?

Um, no. He's in the basement,
getting X rays from storage.

He's gonna show me
the difference between pneumonia

and pulmonary edema.

Seriously?

He hasn't

shown me any of those.

I love Pulmonary Edema.

I watched them perform live
at Coachella.

No. O-Okay.

Pulmonary edema
is a lung disease.

And I imagine
Dr. Breeland

never showed them to you because
you've never shown an interest

in respiratory ailments.

Oh, really?
Well, here's a thought.

Why don't we have
Dr. Breeland show you

how to remove a pencil
from your ear,

because if you keep talking
to me in that tone,

there's a 90% chance
that that's gonna happen.

Earl, your foot's
really swollen.

What's going on here?

Hey, so if it turns out
I only have the strength

to save one of y'all,

you gonna flip a coin or what?

Save Zoe first. Then maybe
she'll start liking you again.

Hmm.
Though I don't know why she would.

Aah!
Oh, crap.

What is it?
What's the matter with him?

Stay with me, Earl.

It's a dislocated
spiral fracture above his ankle.

There's no circulation.
Is he okay?

Call 911 and then get down here
and help me

or he's gonna lose his foot.

He's still out.
Well, his vitals are still strong.

It's the best thing for him.

It's a bad break. The angle

is pinching an artery and it's
stopping blood flow to his foot.

We're gonna need
opposing traction.

Smaller words, Doc.

Okay. But you're not gonna
like 'em.

We need to hold opposite ends
of his leg and pull.

Like tug-of-war.

And if we're lucky, the bone
will pop back into place.

It's field medicine.

It's as grisly as
it sounds. Here.

Give me your hand.
Pull here. Okay?

He picked a hell of a
day to stop drinking.

We can do this,
but we have to do it right now.

Got you.
Wade,

you're stronger than me...
Why, thank you.

It's not a compliment.
You're stronger than me,

so you can't pull harder than me
or we could cause more damage.

Ready?
On three. One,

two, three.

I'm sorry!

I'm sorry. What now?
That's great! You did great!

Okay, uh, hand me that
newspaper. I'm gonna splint it.

You go up to the street
and find the ambulance.

It's gonna be okay.
Wade, go.

He's gonna be okay. I promise.

Be back.

You'd better be okay.
I promised him.

I stopped to pick up
some dinner. Hope you like...

Unbelievable.

What is going on here?

Where's...
Your brand-new

perfect daughter?

The one
that you replaced me with?

Oh, Magnolia,
you haven't been replaced.

What would you call it, Dad?

You banish me to live
with that grand-monster,

then boarding
school, blowing off

family dinner
cause you finally found

the daughter of your dreams.

Someone who wants to
be a doctor, who...

likes books and has no interest
in hair products.

Yay for you, Dad.

Now, come on. That is not
what is going on here.

A-And, yes, it was nice
that someone paid some interest

in my life's work, but...

You know what?
Your life's work is stupid.

Hey.
You could find

better medical care
on the Internet.

Good-bye.

N... Magnolia...

Is she gone?

I'm sorry. I...

You know Magnolia.

She's always thinking she got
the short end of the stick.

True, but on the other hand,

she is only home for a night,

and her dad is still at work
looking at old X rays, rather

than having dinner with her,
so maybe this time...

Wow! The room
looks perfect.

Well, everything was designed

to be the most memorable moment
of A.B.'s life.

Well, anything else
I need to know?

Nope. Just be on time,
act natural,

and don't look at the camera.

I need
to capture authentic emotions.

All right, we'll see
you in a half hour.

I just had a brainstorm about my
wedding, and I had to share it.

You know what
the main course has to be?

Uh, meatballs?

Meatballs!
Exactly!

Wow. It's like
you are in my brain.

Wedding of the century, Lemon.

Later!

Aah!

Are we not answering
our phone these days?

Sorry, Grandma. I'm busy.

Where's your sister?

Magnolia's in town?

Oh, we have almost no time

to get your hair done,
pick out a wardrobe,

and tone your arms if you expect
to get on that ship

in four days.

Well, in four days,

these flabby arms
and untamed hair will be hosting

three wedding-type events
right here,

and that's not including
AnnaBeth's surprise engagement.

So...
AnnaBeth?

Well, doesn't it
give you pause to know

that AnnaBeth, your good friend,

is embarking
on her second marriage

when your first
isn't even in sight?

No pause, Grandma.
No pause at all!

Oh! And did I hear right?

Meatball, your very,
very secret shame,

is also marrying?

Still no pause!

Oh, Lemon,
what is wrong with you?

Why can't you get
out of your own way?

Don't you want a relationship?

Sugar, there's a big hole
in your life,

and you can try to fill it up

with busywork
and this restaurant

and all the candles
in this state...

Give me back that candle!

Aah!

I'm not going on that cruise,

and I am not saying it again.

Oh!

All right, two games all.

97-96 in the fifth.

Match point.
I know

it's match point.

There's been, like,
60 match points.

You don't have
to say match point

every time it's match point.

Now, do I say match point
whenever it's my match point?

Got to win by two.

I know!

I feel like we've
been here for a week.

I'm gonna need to sell a kidney
just to pay the babysitter.

Oh!
Game!

No, no!
Set.

No!
Match!

Yeah.

Ooh. Looks like
we have our answer.

Oh, it's gonna be
one hell of a sign.

Oh, Lavon.

Look, I don't like it, but
he won fair and square.

Good game, Gainey.

Yeah. Good game, Gainey.

I feel like
I should shake your hand, too.

Well, nice to know
y'all can be such gracious...

Uh, what's that word?

Oh, yeah. Losers.

Hey, mind
if I have my hand back?

Not quite yet.

Am I seeing things, gentlemen,

or is there red paint under

Mayor Gainey's fingernails here?

Paint that happens to match

the red paint up on his wrist.

Virtually identical

to the red spray paint
that was used

to deface the highway sign
this very morning.

Yeah, well, I tell you.

I don't know what...
what you're implying here.

I don't think
I was being particularly subtle.

I think he's implying

that you yourself
graffitied up that sign

just so you'd have an excuse

to get a new one and
put Fillmore on top.

What? These outrageous
accusations!

Well,

I mean, we could just

subpoena
the security cam footage

from the rest area
across the street,

you know, just to be sure.

Mayor Gainey!

I just love my town so much.

I, for one,

am outraged!

Which is kind of
a new feeling for me.

Uh, Mayor Hayes,
you have top billing.

Mayor Gainey, drive me home.

Security camera
in the rest area?

Ah, there's not
even a rest area.

They say you're
gonna be all right.

We got to it in time.

You hear that, Dad?

You get to keep your foot,

thanks to this one.

You did okay, too.

You know, it's kind of a shame.

I had a nice peg leg
picked out for you, too.

I'm sorry I dragged
y'all out here.

I'm an idiot.

What's the point
of getting sober

when you just fall
in your own booby trap?

You really go four weeks
without a drink... for a girl?

Yeah, you don't have to tell me.

I'm too old to be making a fool
out of myself for love.

Not at all. Zoe's right.

Anything's possible.

All right, forward
just a few more steps.

Davis, where are we?

Just a little bit more.
Okay. Oh.

Right there.
Oh!

All right, now,
sit back real slow.

Oh, I don't like this game.
Okay.

Oh, my Lord. Oh.

AnnaBeth Nass...

Oh, my God.
...girl of my dreams...

Never the bride.
Grandma, hush.

...will you make me the happiest
man in the world and marry me?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

I know.
I'm excited, too.

It's an inferno!

Oh!

My restaurant.

- My hair!
- AnnaBeth?

Yes?
What do you say?

I say...

Let's get out of this rain.

Oh, shoot!

How's your daughter, the doctor?

Magnolia.

I'm sorry I'm not
into medical things, okay?

You don't have to be sorry.

Good, because I'm not.

You were right.

I was enjoying showing
Rose what I do.

We have things in common,
and-and she was...

She was easier
to talk to than me.

No. No.

Maybe not as loud, but...

You know, I just...

I think you're loud sometimes

because I wasn't
listening hard enough.

It happens, I guess.

Well, it doesn't
have to, which is why

we are taking a two-week
vacation, an adventure.

Just us. No cell phones,

no computers, no mobile devices...
What? No.

Yeah, and you can
pick the destination.

Now I'm interested.

Can we go to Las Vegas?

No.
Amsterdam?

Uh...

Uh, yeah. Lemon.
Lemon, is everything...?

What? A fire?

At Fancie's?

It wasn't me.
I was here all night.

Was supposed to have three
events here in the next week.

Now it's not gonna be dry enough
to have a pool party.

I told you your life
was going up in flames.

Seems like
I had the right principle,

but the wrong natural disaster.

Lemon, are you okay?
Daddy.

No.

Oh, baby, it's gonna be okay.

Don't sugarcoat it
for her, Bertram.

It is not!

Mother, I know all of
these firemen by name,

and I can have them remove
you from the premises.

You still owe me 50 bucks.

Oh!

Hey.

Hey. How's everything?

Oh, I just got back
from the hospital.

He's stable, already
complaining about the food.

But, uh,

they're going
to let him out in a day or two.

That's great.
I am so relieved.

Listen, I...

I just wanted to thank you.

You were right about...
pretty much everything.

He's okay because of you.

Well, I also got him
into this mess.

Zoe.

Okay, fine.
We can stick with I was right.

I mean, I'm okay with that.
I can live with that.

But...

Hey, so... Brando
and Sylvie's wedding.

Oh, my God.
No, if you want to--

and no pressure at all--

I would be willing
to do that reading with you,

only because
it is so important to them.

No, no, you're right.

Oh, my God, it's still such a bad idea.
No.

It's not.

I would like to do that reading.

If I was going to the wedding,
but, uh, I'm not.

Because Vivian might be there?

No. Uh... it's work,

actually.

It's kind of a crazy thing
happened this morning.

This-this investor lady came in,

and, uh, she read
about the Rammer Jammer.

She wants to franchise it.

Open up another location,
maybe more.

Are you kidding?

Wade, that's amazing!

Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty cool.

Listen, I was gonna...

I was gonna tell you,
but then Earl and...

Oh, yeah.
Anyway, uh,

I'm not gonna be at the wedding,

'cause I'm gonna be
down in Atlanta.

That's where the next
Rammer Jammer's going to be.

So... you're moving?

For how long?

I don't know.

I am so happy for you.

Congratulations.

Good night, Doc.

Good night.