Hard Quiz (2016–…): Season 7, Episode 9 - The Harry Potter Movies, George W. Bush, Bricks and Diego Maradona - full transcript

ANNOUNCER: Tonight on Hard Quiz...

..Sarah, banker.
Expert subject, Harry Potter films.

Elliot, investment analyst.
Expert subject, George W Bush.

Darren, construction manager.
Expert subject, bricks.

Rinaldo, retiree. Expert subject,
football star Diego Maradona.

Here's your host, Tom Gleeson.

Yes! Hello!

Bring back Skithouse.

Welcome to Hard Quiz.

These contestants are tulips.

Last one to wilt will be
tonight's Hard Quiz champion!



(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

To be part of the show at home,
go to the ABC TV socials.

Let's say hello.

G'Day, Rinaldo.
G'day, Thomas.

Now, Diego Maradona
is your expert subject.

Why is he your favourite player?

The best player ever in football.
Yeah, I know.

We all know that, but why do you...
Because I come from Naples.

He played for us, right?

So he was a semi-god in Naples
and I was...

..supported that team
since I was born.

So you followed him from
your childhood in Naples.

Absolutely.

Now, you had a night out
with Whitney Houston



and Bobby Brown.

Was that the night before she had
to cancel her concert?

(LAUGHTER)

It was.
Really?

We had a great night at the casino.

Oh, at the casino?
Yeah.

What did you do with
Whitney that night?

I didn't do much with Whitney.

Well, I guess
Diego Maradona's your subject.

I can probably join the dots on
what you were doing with Whitney.

Yeah. Well, there you go.

# Come fly with me,
come fly with me... #

(LAUGHTER)
(LAUGHS)

Here you are
when you were a male model.

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

You look a bit like Tony Danza
in that picture.

Well, hang on a second.

He looks like me,
since he's a year younger, yeah.

Look at that.
What about how he looks now?

I don't know. How does he look now?

Well, let's let the audience decide.
Oh.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

Compared there, you both look
like you've had another night out

with Whitney, to be fair.

(LAUGHTER)

Darren.
Hello, Tom.

Bricks. Discuss.

Some people say I have
a personality like a brick.

So why not?

(LAUGHTER)

Now, you're a construction manager.

Is that where your passion
for bricks comes from?

Yes, it does.
I studied bricks at university.

We had a whole semester
of building materials.

And bricks was one of the topics.

Very exciting stuff.

So have you done much study
for tonight?

I have indeed.

What, you just got a brick
and you stared at it for a week?

(LAUGHTER)
Different angles.

So if someone threw a brick
through your window,

would you be like
"Oh, great, a brick!"?

(LAUGHTER)

Now, you tried to make
your own range of bricks.

What happened?

I was young and foolish
and thought that my backyard

would be a good supply of...
clay for bricks.

Why do you say "clay" like that?

Well, it might be
one of the questions.

Oh, right.
What are bricks made of?

A bit of...clay.

(LAUGHTER)

Yeah, a bit of clay.

I've never heard it called "clay".

I think Rinaldo smuggled
bricks across borders.

(LAUGHTER)

Elliot.
Tom.

George W Bush is your fascination.

I'm...I'm guessing you don't
remember him being in power.

You seem too young.
Yeah, not quite.

So how did you get into him?
YouTube?

I don't know. I just kinda thought
he was an interesting guy.

A funny guy.

Other than the war crimes and stuff.

(LAUGHTER)

He is pretty funny, actually.

When you look back you go,
"Yeah, that's really funny."

And then the war crimes
and you go, "Ohh."

It really takes the shine off it,
doesn't it?

Yeah.
Yeah, it does.

So you're a fan of, what,
his gaffes and stuff?

Yeah, I think I just watched a video
of his Bushisms, as they're called,

and just thought he was
a bit of a funny guy.

But you're not a fan
of his policies?

Don't really know much
about it to be honest.

(LAUGHTER)

It might be a bit early,

but I'm calling you, Elliot,
as a future dud.

(LAUGHTER)
Happily.

I've never called a dud
this early, but you may be it.

You can eat a Happy Meal
in under 30 seconds.

Correct. Yes.

You once ate 43 Weet-Bix
in a single sitting.

Yep.

And you once stole and ate
someone's parmigiana

while they were in the toilet.

(LAUGHTER)

I was on a pub crawl
and someone left

and left a full parmigiana there
and obviously I was a bit hungry,

so I went and had a bit of a feast
on the parmigiana.

And then halfway through, he came
back and said he was on the loo.

So he wasn't too happy
when he returned.

Were you just trying
to get a free dinner?

Yeah, exactly.
How do you eat all that food?

I don't know. It goes somewhere.

You sure your topic
isn't laying bricks?

(LAUGHTER)

Sarah.
Hi, Tom.

Harry Potter films is your subject.
When did you first watch the films?

So, I've been a fan of the films
since I was about 7 years old

when the first film came out.

I've seen every one in theatres,
including midnight screenings.

So tonight, just to be clear,

we're focusing on the films,
not the books.

That's correct.

Now, you won a Harry Potter
lookalike competition.

Yeah.
How?

You don't look like
Daniel Radcliffe.

No.

I was 7 years old at
the premiere of the first film.

I went along with a mate.

We went as Ginny and Seamus,

so didn't go as, like, the...
Ron, Hermione, Harry.

We were the kids. I think they
rigged it in our favour a little.

Do you go to conventions?
I love conventions.

My degree is actually
in conventions.

You've got a degree in conventions?
Yep.

(LAUGHTER)

What does that set you up
for later in life?

Hopefully event management.

I thought it was just a degree
in nerd conventions.

I didn't realise it was
any kind of convention.

Sorry.

I specialise in
the nerd conventions,

but, yeah, any type of convention.

Is that where you met
the Weasley twins?

Yes, I met the Weasley twins
about 9, 10 years ago now.

They don't have red hair!
No.

That's bullshit!

(LAUGHTER)

That's redhead cultural
appropriation.

(LAUGHTER)

Alright, let's play - hard!

ANNOUNCER: Expert round,
expert subject.

Win or lose five points.

Steal an answer, double points.

I'll ask each of you five questions
on your expert subject.

Right, you get five points,

wrong, I will take
five points from you.

The rest of you can steal at any
time to get double points.

Let's start with Sarah
and her expert subject,

Harry Potter films.

Alright, you ready, Sarah?
Ready, Tom.

Do you think I could be a Weasley?

Let's put a wig on you first,
but we'll see.

OK.
(LAUGHTER)

Raised by his aunt and uncle,

Harry discovers he is a wizard
after receiving a flurry of letters

addressed to his room
in what part of their house?

Sarah.
The cupboard under the stairs.

Correct!

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

Yeah, the Harry Potter movies
are known for their use

of real practical effects.

These letters were handwritten
for authenticity

and the effect of the letters coming
through the letterbox

was done mechanically.

Director Chris Columbus
cast the young trio

for their inexperience
and natural charm,

something he previously did
casting Macaulay Culkin

in which film?

Sarah.
Home Alone.

Correct.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

Little Hard Quiz tip for you,
Elliot -

if you bang it harder,
it doesn't happen faster.

(LAUGHTER)

You're just young and full
of vigour, Elliot.

Exactly.

The evil Lord Voldemort implants
parts of his soul

into objects known as horcruxes...

Elliot for the steal.
I was gonna say horcrux.

Sorry.
Incorrect. I'll finish the question.

..including his pet Na...

Sarah.
Snake.

Correct!

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

..including his pet, Nagini,
who is what animal?

Snake is correct.

Did he implant his nose
somewhere too?

Quite possibly.

Yeah, his nose fell off.

He was hanging out with Rinaldo.

(LAUGHTER)

Imagining getting on the gear
with bloody... (LAUGHS)

(LAUGHTER)
..with Voldemort.

He'd just go... (SNORTS)
(LAUGHTER)

"Gimme that." (SNORTS) "Gone."

(LAUGHTER)

In Alfonso Cuaron's
The Prisoner of Azkaban,

the talking portrait of the fat lady
is played by which English...

Sarah.
Uh...

I forgot her name.

Too slow. I'll finish the question.

..by which English comedian?

Great time for a hard bang, Elliot.

(LAUGHTER)

(BUZZ!)
Time's up. Dawn French.

Yep.
It came to me as I'd locked it out.

Last question in your set, Sarah.

Seen in the final films,
the symbol of the Deathly Hallows

represent three legendary objects -

a stone, a cloak, and what?

Sarah.
And a wand.

Correct.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

Yeah, a lot of fans get that symbol
tattooed on them, don't they?

They do indeed.

Do you have any
Harry Potter tattoos?

I don't, but if I win
I've said to my friends

I am going to get the chapter stars
from the books tattooed

as a way to memorialise
my time on the show.

Where are you gonna get the tat?
On my wrist.

'Cause I want a matching wrist
for my grandfather on one wrist

and I'd love to get them
on the other.

Oh, that's quite lovely.
That was weird.

(LAUGHTER)

Next set of questions is for Elliot
on George W. Bush.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

MAN: Yiew!

Oh, we've got an American
in the audience.

(LAUGHTER)

An average student,

Bush attended the Phillips Academy
prep school in Andover,

where he rallied school spirit
as a member of what squad?

Elliot.
Cheerleading.

Correct!

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

Other presidents who were
cheerleaders include George Bush Sr,

Reagan, Eisenhower, and FDR.

In one of the closest presidential
elections in US history in 2000,

Bush got fewer votes than
but defeated which Democratic...

Sarah.
Al Gore.

Correct! Double points to you.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

Which Democratic candidate?
Al Gore is correct.

Yeah, he won the popular vote
by about half a million votes,

but Bush still won
because America is broken.

(LAUGHTER)

In 2009, President Obama
signed an executive order

for the closure of what
controversial facility...

Darren for the steal.

Guantanamo Bay.

Correct! Double points to you.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

..established by Bush
in the wake of 9/11?

Guantanamo Bay is correct.

The prison was opened as part
of Bush's War on Terror

and was notorious for
torturing detainees

who Bush said didn't have
constitutional rights

because it was in Cuba, not America.

Now known as a Bushism,

in 2000, Bush said "One of
the great things about books

"is sometimes there are
some fantastic..." what?

For the steal, it's Darren.

Facts.

Incorrect.

(BUZZ!)
Time's up.

Pictures.

(LAUGHTER)

Yeah, some other notable
Bushisms include

"I know that human being and fish
can co-exist peacefully."

(LAUGHTER)

And "I can't imagine somebody
like Osama Bin Laden

"understanding the joy of Hanukkah."

(LAUGHTER)

Do you know any other Bushisms
that you like?

Not on the top of my head.
I've misunderestimated you.

(LAUGHTER)
That's the one.

Last question in your set, Elliot.
Yep.

In 2003, more than 8 years
before the war in Iraq ended,

Bush delivered a speech on
the USS Abraham Lincoln

beneath a banner with
what two-word phrase?

Wide open.

(BUZZ!)
Time's up.

Mission Accomplished.
(LAUGHS)

Yes, his mission was
"start a needless war

"that won't finish
for another eight years."

So, yeah, mission accomplished.

(LAUGHTER)

Time now for Darren and bricks!

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

Darren, are you ready
to get into some bricks?

I am indeed.

Dating to around 7000 BCE,

the earliest known bricks
were made of mud

and were dried
using what heat source?

Darren.
The sun.

Correct!

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

Is that how you tried
to make your bricks?

Yeah, but it was raining
most of the time, so...

(LAUGHTER)

Were your bricks a bit shithouse?

Pretty much, yeah.

You could build a brick shithouse.
You could!

Common red bricks get their colour
from the presence of Fe2O3...

Darren.
Iron.

Correct!

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

..or what oxide? Iron is correct.

Often containing
the manufacturer's brand,

the indentation
on a house brick shares...

Darren.
Is it called a frog?

Correct.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

..shares a name with what amphibian?
Frog is correct.

What's the frog for?

It's so that the mortar
can go into the brick

and actually bond
the whole wall together.

OK. When you lay bricks,
are you frog up or frog down?

Where do you sit?
'Cause there's a bit of...

Some bricklayers
are divided on this.

In Australia, because we're
down under, it's down,

but in Europe, it's up.

That's not why.

(LAUGHTER)

Did you just make up some facts?
I did, yeah.

Yeah, cool.
(LAUGHTER)

In 2018, South African researchers
developed eco-friendly bricks

created using bacteria
and what bodily fluid?

Darren.

Faeces?

Incorrect. It's wide open.

Rinaldo for the steal!
Urine.

Correct! Double points to you.
Well done.

Yeah, a single brick takes
about 30 litres of wee.

That's a fact.

(LAUGHTER)

Last question in your set, Darren.

One of the most famous
brick structures in film

is what path
followed by Dorothy and...

Elliot for the steal.

Toto?

(LAUGHTER)
Incorrect.

Darren... (LAUGHS) Darren.

Yellow Brick Road.

Correct.
(APPLAUSE)

..by Dorothy to the Emerald City?

The Yellow Brick Road is correct.

Last set in the expert round.
It's Rinaldo and Diego Maradona.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

Alright, you ready, Rinaldo?
Indeed.

A child prodigy, Diego Maradona
played for the Argentinian juniors

while growing up in a slum
in what city?

Rinaldo.
Buenos Aires.

Correct.

Yeah, Maradona was so good
as a child

that his coach asked to see his ID,
not believing how young he was.

Seen by Maradona as revenge
for the Falklands War,

was this handball in a...

Rinaldo.

In the 1986 World Cup
playing against England.

Incorrect.

Elliot for the steal.
Hand of God.

Correct!

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

I'll finish the question.

..in an '86 World Cup match
against England

known as the hand of what?

Hand of God is correct.

It was followed by Maradona's
"goal of the century",

which knocked England
out of the World Cup

that Argentina went on to win.

In 1991, FIFA suspended Maradona
for 15 months

after he tested for positive
for what...

Elliot for the steal.

Cocaine.

Correct. Double points to you.

..for what illicit substance?

Cocaine is correct.
Well done.

Yeah, he would play on a Sunday,
party until Wednesday,

and then cleanse to play
the next Sunday.

That's how you enjoy cocaine
in moderation.

(LAUGHTER)

Maradona was sold to
the underperforming SSC Napoli

after he instigated
a post-match brawl

while competing for which club?

Rinaldo.
Barcelona.

Correct.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

Now, it was a proper
punch up, wasn't it?

They were really tackling really
hard and at the end of the game,

they went to shake hands and he just
didn't want to know about it.

And so they started
to get physical on him.

Sounds like soccer was
entertaining there for a second.

Yeah. It was.
(LAUGHTER)

Last question in your set, Rinaldo.

According to the Guardian,
at a protest in Argentina,

Maradona called which then serving
US President "human trash"?

Darren for the steal.

George W Bush.

Correct! Double points to you.

Nice one.

Yeah, he wore this subtle shirt,

and also this one,
with his pal Hugo Chavez.

AUDIENCE: Ooh.

We've waded through their subjects,
now let's wade through mine.

ANNOUNCER: Tom's Round.
Tom's subject.

Multiple choice.

This week I've been really
getting into the Wild West.

In America, people headed west
to find a better life.

In Australia, people head west
to find a boring life.

This round is multiple choice.

Select your answers on your screens

then press the buzzer
to lock in the answer.

Hello to our Perth viewers.
(LAUGHTER)

Hope you're enjoying the show.

Many cowboy cliches
in classic Western films

were popularised
by the live stage shows

headlined by which real life figure?

The answer is...

..C, Buffalo Bill.

(APPLAUSE)

Yeah, these extravaganzas
were massive hits in their day.

They played Madison Square Garden

and performed for Queen Victoria
on three separate occasions.

Yeah, Queen Victoria loved a bit
of bareback horseplay.

(LAUGHTER)

The song There's No Business
Like Show Business

was written by Irving Berlin for
which Western-themed musical?

Were you just thinking
about bricks for a little bit?

Yeah, 'B' for bricks.

Ah, bricks.

Oh! Bing.

(LAUGHTER)

The answer is B, Annie Get Your Gun.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

Margaret Brown, one of
the Old West's first suffragists,

lived long enough to do what?

The answer is...

..A, survive the sinking
of the Titanic.

Yes, that's how she got the nickname
The Unsinkable Molly Brown.

Born Marion Morrison, which actor
entered the film industry

after a future in professional
football was derailed

by a bodysurfing accident?

The answer is B, John Wayne.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

Last question in my round's
worth double points.

Here's Lil Nas X on his way
to winning two Grammys

for his hit song Old Town Road.

Released on YouTube,

the first music video
for Old Town Road featured footage

from what Western-inspired work?

The answer is...

..C, video game
Red Dead Redemption II.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

Alright, at the end of my round,
Rinaldo, you're at the bottom on 10.

Get over here.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

See ya.
On the last one you got me, hey?

Rinaldo. What happened?

Didn't do enough lines.

(LAUGHTER)

Uh, kids, he meant funny lines.

Absolutely.
Yeah. Out!

Thanks, Tom.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
There he goes.

Chin chin, it's the People's Round!

ANNOUNCER: The People's Round.
Against the clock.

Smell a mothball,
play along at home.

Your time starts now.

What is the common name
of sodium chloride?

Sarah.
Table salt.

Yes.

In cricket, LBW stands for
leg before... Elliot.

Wicket.
Yes.

According to the song Dem Bones,
the toe bone's connected to the...

Sarah.
Foot bone.

Yes.

Which American country singer

partially funded
the Moderna COVID vaccine?

Darren.
Dolly Parton.

Yes.

What is the official language
of Saudi Arabia?

Darren.
Arabic.

Yes.

A typical spider has how many eyes?

Sarah.
Six.

No. Eight.

Coined in the film
Dazed and Confused

is what three-word catchphrase
of Mathew McConaughey?

Elliot.
Alright, alright, alright.

Yes.

Time's up!

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

Alright, at the end
of the People's Round,

Elliot, you're at the bottom
on bottom on 25.

Get over here.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

You banged the buzzer pretty hard,

but it didn't quite get
you there in the end.

Yep. I just misunderestimated
how hard it was going to be.

(LAUGHTER)

Well done. Out!

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

There he goes.

Alright, only two left.

Who's gonna be
the Hard Quiz champion?

Sarah and Darren get over here,
because it's time to play Hard Quiz.

ANNOUNCER: Final round.
Head to head.

Harry Potter films versus bricks.

Hard Quiz.

Now, there can only be one
Hard Quiz champion

who gets to take home
the limited edition big brass mug.

What will you do with the mug
if you win, Sarah?

I think I'm gonna brew a potion
in it, Harry Potter-style.

(LAUGHS) OK.
What about you, Darren?

I don't want it, Tom.
It's a piece of shit.

I'm just here for the glory.
(LAUGHTER)

Oh, almost hurt my feelings.
(LAUGHTER)

It's best of five,
penalty shootout-style.

Harder questions
on your expert subject.

So, it's Sarah's knowledge
of Harry Potter films

versus Darren's knowledge of bricks.

Let's play - hard!

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

You ready, Sarah?
Ready, Tom.

Sarah.

Michael Gambon played
the character of Dumbledore

with a slight Irish accent,

which is said
to be a tribute to whom?

I'm trying to think.

Who's Irish?

Is it Sean Connery?

Incorrect.

The correct answer is..

..Richard Harris.

Oh, of course.

He's the Irish actor that played
Dumbledore in the first two films

before he died.

And then Ian McKellen
was offered the part as well,

but he turned it down

because he knew
Richard Harris disapproved of him.

Darren.

A standard Australian brick
is 230mm long, 110mm wide

and how many millimetres high?

Now, bricks around the world all
vary in sizes, you wouldn't believe.

(LAUGHTER)

Do you want the simple answer,
or...?

76mm.

Thank you.

Correct.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

Yeah, standard bricks are designed

so they're suited to being lifted
with one hand.

Is that right?
'Cause Australians are lazy.

Yep.
Yeah.

Sarah.
Tom.

Having shapeshifted into
his fellow Hogwarts student Goyle,

Harry explains to
the sinister Malfoy

that he is wearing glasses
because he was reading,

which prompted what unscripted
response from actor Tom Felton?

"I didn't know you could read."

That deserves a point.
Correct.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

So it was just a little
ad-libbed moment?

He forgot the line at the time.

He was known for a few different
ad-libbed lines through the films.

I don't remember any others,

but that is quite a memorable one
for Tom Felton.

Yes, very funny moment in that film.

Darren.

Marty!

(LAUGHTER)

You see what you've
made us do, Darren?

(LAUGHTER)
I'm sorry.

Thanks, Marty.

(LAUGHTER)

When you look at that
are you like "Oh, wow"?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm almost fainting.
(LAUGHS)

Darren.

Here's a brick oriented to
a soldier position

as it would appear in a wall.

I want you to orient the brick
into a sailor position.

Ooh.

Good one.

So, soldier position is where
the bricks go vertically up.

A sailor position, there's only
one other way to go,

so I would assume that
it would be like that,

which is also known as a stretcher.

Incorrect.

AUDIENCE: Ooh.

The correct answer is...

Yeah, you were right.

That is another position
you mentioned.

Other bricks positions
include the stretcher,

header, rowlock, and shiner.

But that is the sailor.

Soldier.

(LAUGHTER)

Sailor.

(LAUGHTER)

One more time
for those people at home.

(LAUGHTER)

Soldier.

(APPLAUSE)

Sailor.

Marty, can you get rid of this shit?

(LAUGHTER)

Thanks, Marty.

Sarah.

Apart from extras and the actors
who play characters

under the influence of
polyjuice potion,

Warwick Davis is the only actor
to play two returning characters -

Professor Flitwick and whom?

Griphook the goblin.

Correct.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

Darren.
Tom.

Take a look at this.

What is the make name
of this specialty brick?

That's an extruded brick,
because it's got the holes in it.

But I wouldn't know
what actual make of brick it is.

So I'm just gonna guess
that it's a new brick.

Incorrect.

The correct answer is double cant.

Ah. The type of brick.
Yeah, it's a double cant.

Yeah. I get called that
all the time.

(LAUGHTER)

Sarah.
Tom.

Hired as a physical magic
consultant,

illusionist Paul Kieve designed,
created, and operated

what magical folding prop?

The Marauder's Map.

Correct.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

What's so special about
the Marauder's Map?

It sees where anyone is at any time
in the grounds of Hogwarts.

Oh, so it's a tracking device?
It is indeed.

Darren, you need this.

If you get this wrong,

then Sarah, you are tonight's
Hard Quiz champion.

Darren.
Tom.

Known for its unique
and complicated brick work,

the Dr Chau Chak Wing building
at Sydney's University of Technology

was designed by which
North American architect?

Ooh.

I know that this building is called
the "squashed paper bag" building.

I know that this building
has 320,000 bricks in it.

But I'm afraid I don't know
who the architect is.

American architect, you say?

Um...

It was built in the...oh, 2015,

so it's probably a bit too late
for Frank Lloyd Wright.

Um...

I'll have to go with
Frank Lloyd Wright,

but I know that's wrong.

Close.

The correct answer is...

..Frank Gehry.

Which means Sarah, you are tonight's
Hard Quiz champion!

Well done.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

Alright, Darren.
You know what this means.

Out!

(APPLAUSE)

There he goes.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

(LAUGHTER)

Congratulations, Sarah. You are
tonight's Hard Quiz champion!

Which means you get
the big brass mug...

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

..and you get to do the sign off!

Thanks for playing hard!

Yes!

That was magic!

Captions by Red Bee Media