Hard Quiz (2016–…): Season 7, Episode 20 - Macbeth, Family Guy, Rush, Armageddon - full transcript

ANNOUNCER: Tonight, on Hard Quiz,

Expert subject,
Canadian rock band Rush.

Expert subject,
animated series Family Guy.

Expert subject, Macbeth.

Expert subject,
disaster film Armageddon.

Here's your host, Tom Gleeson.

Yes! Hello.

I need a snack.

Welcome to Hard Quiz.
These contestants are dodgy oysters.

Last one to get thrown up
will be tonight's Hard Quiz champion.

(APPLAUSE)



To be part of the show at home,
go to the ABC TV socials.

Let's say hello.

G'day Takura.
Hey, Tom.

Now the film Armageddon
is your expert subject.

Yes.

Pretty far-fetched.
How do you get through it?

A lot of, uh, whiskey.

Oh.
Yeah.

So, when you watch it you play
a bit of a drinking game, do you?

It is, 'cause it's good to
actually look at all the mistakes

that they've made in the movie, and
that's part of the drinking game.

So every time there's a scientific
inaccuracy, you have a drink?

I do.

How long does it take to get drunk?
Five minutes.



(LAUGHTER)

Should I drink every time
you give a wrong answer, maybe?

You will be very sober.

(LAUGHTER)
Ooh!

Now, you told us
you have a crap tattoo.

I... Oh, God. Yeah.
What happened?

It was my first tattoo,
and it was done by a bikie,

who may have or may not
have been on the marijuana.

And when I got home,

that's when I saw all the mistakes
that were on it.

Did you have a drink
every time HE made a mistake?

No, I didn't. I wish I did.
Yeah.

Because now I look at it in the
mirror and I just think to myself

"What have I done?"

Much like I'll probably do
after this show.

OK.
(LAUGHTER)

Courtney.
Hi, Tom.

Now, you're a regulatory advisor.

What kind of made up job is that?

(LAUGHTER)

I've been working in the energy
sector regulation for a long time,

and I still think electricity
is magic, so, you tell me.

OK. And so what are you dealing with?

Wind? Solar?
Yeah.

And you help regulate that?

No, you advise other people
to regulate that.

So, I've worked private
and public sector,

but I think my role is
making it possible for people.

OK.
That's a great answer.

What do you mean
you 'think' your role is?

I'm worried about that.
Do you have a role?

(LAUGHTER)

After this, I hope so.

(APPLAUSE)

One of the joys of
the opening of the show

is trying to get contestants fired
from their current employment.

(LAUGHTER)

Macbeth is your subject. Why?
Yes.

So, I've always loved Macbeth,

since it was the first
Shakespeare play I read.

And what teenage girl doesn't love

a play about a bunch of witches
manipulating powerful men?

(APPLAUSE)

I feel like I've been put on notice.

Have you performed in the play?

I have performed a scene
from a play,

in a Shakespeare competition,
back in high school.

And it allowed you to say
'sex' in class, you told us.

That's pretty much why I really,
really wanted to be Lady Macbeth.

Oh.
So I could say 'Unsex me here'.

Oh, God.
And get a good grade for it.

You were on
the kid's TV show Wipeout.

I won.

Oh, really?
Yep.

And apparently I set the record
for winning the final game

in the fastest time.

So it's all downhill from there.
(APPLAUSE)

Jagger.
Tom.

Now, you're a TV camera assistant?
Yes.

How does it feel being on
the other end of a camera?

Is it as easy as you thought
it would be, being on this side?

Yes.
(LAUGHTER)

It is.

It's actually really easy.
Your job's hard.

Are you here to win the quiz
or to ask for a job?

A bit of both.
I have ulterior motives, yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

Which shows have you worked on?

Most recently, Fires on the ABC.

I've been working on La Brea.

I did a fair bit on La Brea,
an American production,

and then, recently, a movie called
The Girl At The Window.

I don't even know
if I'm allowed to...

Oh.

That one hasn't...
OK.

Drop that last one, maybe.
Oh, really?

(LAUGHTER)

Are you worried you breached your
terms of your contract?

My NDA. Possibly.
Well, that's alright.

You and Courtney will both be fired.
(LAUGHTER)

Family Guy is your expert subject.
Yes.

Are you into Family Guy because
The Simpsons is a bit too clever?

Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

Now, a lot of our viewers are older.

Can you explain to them why so many
young guys have (BLEEP!)-up haircuts?

(APPLAUSE)

Um, yeah.

I mean, I guess they're in,
at the moment.

But, you know,
I'd still rather have hair.

(LAUGHTER)

Yeah.

Suzanne.
Tom.

The band Rush is
your expert subject. I like Rush.

I figured you would,

'cause you outed yourself
as a Yes fan a few seasons ago.

And if you like Yes,
you're gonna love Rush.

Yes, I really like nerdy bands
that no-one else likes.

They're the best.

Like, I wouldn't put it on at a party
unless I wanted to ruin the party.

Is that fair?

I put it on to clear out parties.
(LAUGHTER)

Have you seen them live?

Absolutely. 14 times.

Now, you got a signed photo
from the band

without having asked for it -
what's the story behind that?

So I did a really stalkerish thing
when I was 18.

And I rang up
their original drummer.

He was still
listed in the phonebook.

Oh, hang on, can you explain
to Jagger what a phonebook is.

(LAUGHTER)

Sorry, you were saying...

Yes, I managed to
create a friendship

with the original drummer
in the band,

and he used to, as a gift,
just send me Rush stuff.

So the photo that you're showing
was an autographed photo.

And you can see on the red signature
is the main band members.

And then there's a signature in blue
in the very corner,

from John Rutsey,
the original drummer.

And when he sent it to me he said

'the four of us have never signed
the same object together.

You're the only person in the world,

the only Rush fan who has this item
that all four recording members...

So there were only three members
at any time,

and you've got all four to sign it?
All four.

Wow.
Who have been on an album.

And have you found anyone else
in the world that cares?

(LAUGHTER)

You just wait until
this show goes viral, Tom.

'Cause I cannot be held liable for
what the online Rush fan community

is going to do to you when they
see you ragging on the band.

(LAUGHTER)

Alright, let's play, hard!

ANNOUNCER: Win or lose five points.

Steal an answer, double points.

I'll ask each of you five questions
on your expert subject.

Right, you get five points,

wrong, I will take five
points from you.

The rest of you can steal
at any time to get double points.

Let's start with Suzanne
and her expert subject Rush.

(APPLAUSE)

Are you excited about
talking about Rush?

Absolutely.
Of course you are.

Formed in Canada in the late '60s,

the band began playing in bars
as teenagers

thanks to what 1971 law change?
Suzanne.

The drinking age
was lowered from 21 to 18.

Correct!
(APPLAUSE)

Did that make a big difference
to their playing?

Absolutely, 'cause they went
from playing high school gigs

to being able to play bars,
working six nights a week.

Despite having their own songs,

Rush's debut single
Not Fade Away was a...

Suzanne.
Buddy Holly.

Correct.

Was a cover of a tune by which
'50s rock'n'roll pioneer?

Buddy Holly is correct.

Have a listen to this.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)

One of the band's signature tunes,
Red Barchetta,

features a man
who gets into a car chase,

having broken a law that
banned certain types of what?

Suzanne.

Automobiles.

Correct.
(APPLAUSE)

For context,
when they first came out,

they were mistaken for Led Zeppelin
a bit, weren't they?

Well, they were very influenced
by Led Zeppelin,

and that first album is almost
a Led Zeppelin rip off.

So you gotta imagine Led Zeppelin,

and then this is like
Canadian Led Zeppelin.

(LAUGHTER)
Much nicer. More polite.

Yeah, like they rock out, and
afterwards they go, "You're welcome."

Yep.

Becoming Rush's main lyricist
after joining the band in 1974,

Neil Peart is considered

one of the greatest players
of which instrument?

Suzanne.
Drums.

Correct.
(APPLAUSE)

I'm presuming Daryl Somers
is right up there too.

(LAUGHTER)

Last question in your set, Suzanne.

Describing the band as
the 'holy triumvirate',

Paul Rudd stars
with Jason Segal as...

Suzanne.
I Love You, Man.

Correct.

As Rush-loving friends
in the film I Love You... what?

I Love You, Man is correct.

Five from five!

(APPLAUSE)

Next set of questions
is for Jagger on Family Guy.

(APPLAUSE)

Do you feel like you want to grab
a cable or something off the ground?

Yeah, just roll it up. Yeah.
Roll it up.

Yeah, yeah.
Plug something in.

Exactly right.

Just weird, standing here
having to perform, isn't it?

Yeah.

You don't feel useful when you're
on camera, you know what I mean?

When you're filming, you actually
feel like you're doing something.

When you're up here just jerking off,
like, what is it?

(LAUGHTER)

I often ask myself
"What am I doing?"

You know what I mean?
What am I doing?

I'm not doing anything.

(LAUGHTER)

Officially premiered in 1999,

after the broadcast of
what major US sporting event?

Jagger.
The Super Bowl.

Correct.
(APPLAUSE)

Known for its pop culture references,

the show made a trilogy
of Star Wars parodies,

with talking baby Stewie
portraying which villain?

Jagger.
Darth Vader.

Correct.
(APPLAUSE)

Is Stewie your favourite character?

Nah, it'd have to be Peter.

You like Peter the most?
Yeah.

You don't like some... bald smartarse?

(LAUGHTER)

The popular meme
"Oh, my God, who the hell cares?"

s based on Peter Griffin's heckle

during a schoolgirl's show-and-tell
presentation of what doll?

Jagger.
A Barbie. Malibu Barbie doll.

Correct.
(APPLAUSE)

"Oh, my God, who the hell cares?"

was also the original title
for Anh's Brush With Fame.

(LAUGHTER)

I'd explain to our ABC viewers
what a meme is but, um...

Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)

Due to her birth certificate
being altered by her father,

Meg's name is actually an
abbreviation for which Transformer?

Jagger.
Megatron.

Correct.
(APPLAUSE)

Speaking of messed-up kid's names -
Jagger Skilbeck.

Were you parents
trying to make up a name

or win (BLEEP!) Scrabble?

(LAUGHTER)

I think they probably had
a little bit of

whatever Takura's tattoo artist
was smoking.

(LAUGHTER)

Last question in your set, Jagger.

The voice of teenager Chris Griffin
is based on Buffalo Bill,

the serial killer from
which Jodie Foster movie?

Suzanne for the steal.

Silence Of The Lambs.
Correct!

(APPLAUSE)
Double points to you.

You knew the answer
to that one, didn't you?

I did, yeah.
I should have got in earlier.

Do you know the story?
Of Silence of the Lambs?

No...
(LAUGHTER)

Supposedly, everyone who auditioned
for Chris did, like, a surfer voice,

and supposedly he got dared,
in his next audition,

to do an impression of Buffalo Bill,
as a bet.

And he did it and he got the part.

(LAUGHTER)

Time now for Courtney and Macbeth.

(APPLAUSE)

OK, you ready, Courtney?
I'm ready.

Macbeth is loosely based on

a real nobleman's
rise to the Scottish throne,

but with characters and events
changed to appeal to

which reigning monarch?

Courtney.

King James 6th of Scotland
and 1st of England.

Correct.
(APPLAUSE)

While casting a spell,

what often misquoted two words
do the witches say

before "toil and trouble"?

Courtney.

The correct words are
"double, double", and the...

Correct.

(APPLAUSE)

People often say
"Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble,"

but it's actually "double, double".

For a charm of powerful trouble,

like a hell broth boil, and bubble.

Double, double toil and trouble,
fire burn and cauldron bubble.

Yeah, we got that footage
from the ABC religious department.

(LAUGHTER)

One of them is Geraldine Doogue.

(LAUGHTER)

After plotting to kill King Duncan,

Macbeth continues
his descent into madness

by hallucinating the appearance
of what weapon?

Courtney.
A dagger.

Correct.
(APPLAUSE)

Yeah, the general gist of the play
is basically

'murdering people to get ahead
is wrong'.

Is that right?

I think that it's 'if you
let your ambition get above you,

'you can fall on your face'.

I don't think that, necessarily,
killing them

was the reason why he went wrong.

OK.
(LAUGHTER)

According to
the Royal Shakespeare Company,

bad luck caused by saying 'Macbeth'
in a theatre

is reversed by
spinning around, swearing,

and what other
demonstration of disgust?

Courtney.

Spinning around, swearing,
and spitting.

Correct.

(APPLAUSE)

How are you supposed to
get the play done?

That's pretty tricky.
You're like "Greetings, Macbeth".

"Oh, no. Shithouse."
You have to leave the theatre too.

(LAUGHTER)

Last question in your set, Courtney.

In 2020, an internet meme
encouraging COVID hygiene

referenced Lady Macbeth
washing what from her hands?

For the steal, it's Suzanne.

Blood.
Correct. Double points to you.

(APPLAUSE)

Last set in the expert round

is Takura and Armageddon.

(APPLAUSE)

Are you ready, Takura?
I'm worried.

Everyone else did really well.

You might get drunk.

Maybe I might win.

The 1998 film sees a group of
blue-collar workers sent into space

to destroy an earth-threatening...

Takura.
Asteroid.

Incorrect. I'll finish the question.

Suzanne!
Meteor.

Incorrect. I'll finish the question.

Earth threatening asteroid
using what device?

Wide open.

Wide open.
(BUZZER)

Time's up!

A nuclear bomb.

(SINGS) # Here we go,
here we go, here we go

# Here we go, here we go,
here we go. #

(LAUGHTER)

Why do they send blue-collar workers
to deal with an asteroid, Takura?

Because apparently it's easier
than training astronauts to do it.

And that's the premise to the film?
That's it.

That's the kicking off point.
That's the point.

So if you don't buy that, you're out.
Yeah.

I was hoping you hadn't watched it.
So, I'm giving you the plot.

Well, I saw it at the cinema,
actually.

Did you?
Yeah. But I don't remember it.

(LAUGHTER)

According to Ben Affleck,

the romance plot between his
character AJ and Liv Tyler's Grace

was reportedly added due to the
success of what James Cameron...

Takura.
Titanic.

Correct! What James Cameron film?
Titanic is correct.

So Michael Bay
was inspired by Titanic

to make his shit film even shitter?

Yeah. But it didn't sink.
Mmm.

(LAUGHTER)

In 2021, NASA's DART spacecraft

blasted off on a mission
to deflect a moving asteroid,

with which Armageddon star
being invited to the launch?

Takura.
Bruce Willis?

Correct.
(APPLAUSE)

Yeah, it was a case of
life imitating shit art.

(LAUGHTER)

So says you.
Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

In keeping with
the film's patriotic tone,

the two shuttles
sent to destroy the asteroid

are named Freedom and...

Takura.
Independence.

Correct.
(APPLAUSE)

Last question in your set, Takura.

The chart-topping song
from the movie

was inspired by a story

from real life couple
Barbra Streisand and James Brolin,

in which said he would miss Streisand
if he did what?

For the steal, it's Courtney!

Go to sleep?

Correct! Double points to you.

(APPLAUSE)

We've peeked through their subjects,
now let's peek through mine.

This week, I've been
really getting into left-handers.

Lefties are the only group
I can still make fun of

without getting cancelled.

(LAUGHTER)

Let's see if
we can change that tonight.

This round is multiple choice.

Select your answers on your screens

then press the buzzer
to lock in the answer.

Linked to a historical perception
that left-handers were evil,

which word is Latin
for 'the left side'?

The answer is

D, Sinister.

(APPLAUSE)
Yes.

Yeah, we also say that

things that are good are 'right',

because lefties are evil bastards.

(LAUGHTER)

Which of these musical instruments

is being played
in a left handed manner?

The answer is

C, Guitar.

The guitarist's a lefty,
but it's a right-handed drum layout.

And for the cello or the sax

it doesn't matter if
you're right-handed or left handed.

In 1907, Australian Norman Brookes
became the first left-hander

to achieve what milestone?

The answer is

B, Win Wimbledon.

In the Simpsons, who opens
a left-handed specialty goods store

called the Leftorium?

The answer is

C, Ned Flanders.

Yeah, Bart's a left-hander too,

so is the Simpsons creator
Matt Groening.

Last question in my round's
worth double points.

Which Australian mammal

was the first to be identified as
predominately left-handed?

The answer is

C, Kangaroo.

Alright, at the end of my round,
Takura you're at the bottom, on 5.

Get over here.

(APPLAUSE)

Are you going to play
the drinking game

when you watch this show at home?

I will, but I'm going to
get out of here.

(LAUGHTER)

I reckon it's going to be
a nice night. Ehhh!

(LAUGHTER)

Out!

(APPLAUSE)

There he goes.

Good one. It's the People's Round!

Rearrange your cutlery,
play along at home.

Your time starts now.

Homemade lemonade comprises
what citrus fruit?

Courtney.

Lemons.
Yes.

Which boxer lent his name
to a popular fat-reducing grill?

Courtney.
George Foreman.

Yes.

To fake being sad is to
display crocodile what?

Suzanne.
Tears.

Yes.

Australia's only 12-sided standard
coin is worth how many cents?

Jagger.
50.

Yes.

In 2021, singer Lorde
released an album

named after what kind
of renewable energy?

Courtney.
Solar.

Yes.

An '07 viral video features a kid
crying out "Charlie bit my..." what?

Jagger.
Finger.

Yes.

Which nut shares its name with the
largest country in South America?

Jagger.
Brazil.

Yes. Time's up!

(APPLAUSE)

Alright, at the end
of the People's Round,

Jagger, Courtney, you're both on 30,

which means it's time for
a bloody Hard Off!

That's right,
only one of you will survive.

I'll ask just one question.

First to buzz in will answer.

If you're right you're staying,
if you're wrong you're dead to me.

You ready? Here we go.

Based on its durometer number,
which skateboard wheel is harder -

the Bones Boo Voodoo
or the Spitfire Bighead?

Jagger.

The Spitfire.

Incorrect.
AUDIENCE: Aw...

It's the Bones Boo Voodoo.

Alright, Jagger, you know what
that means. Get over here.

(APPLAUSE)

Jagger, do you skateboard?

No.
Oh, OK.

(LAUGHTER)

Well, I guess it shows, doesn't it?
Yes.

Out.
(APPLAUSE)

There he goes.

See you later.

Alright. Only two left.

Who's gonna be
the Hard Quiz champion?

Suzanne and Courtney, get over here,
because it's time to play Hard Quiz.

Macbeth versus Rush.

Now, there can only be
one Hard Quiz champion

who gets to take home
the limited-edition big brass mug.

What will you do with
the mug if you win, Courtney?

Realistically, nothing.

I'm going to be really annoyed

as I lug it around when I move house
for the next five years,

and it'll end up in a charity shop.

AUDIENCE: (LAUGHTER) Aw...

Alright, what about you, Suzanne.

I was gonna leave the mug here
and take you home, Tom.

(LAUGHTER)

It's best of five,
penalty shootout style.

Harder questions
on your expert subjects.

So it's Courtney's knowledge
of Macbeth

versus Suzanne's knowledge of Rush.

Let's play, hard!

(APPLAUSE)

Are they dagger earrings
I see before me?

They are.

You wore them for the occasion.
I did.

I had them made for this,

just to remind myself that
if I do need to...

..take care of my competition,
I shouldn't be afraid to.

Right. Viscous.

I'm going to have to refer you to HR.

(LAUGHTER)
You'll know the way.

(LAUGHTER)

Courtney.

In Act 4, the witches
brew a concoction

with ingredients including
'eye of newt',

most commonly believed to be another
name for the seed of what plant?

This is not something
that I have studied.

But if it's going to
look like an eyeball,

maybe some sort of bulb or a flower?

Um, I'm just going to go
with a thistle 'cause it's Scottish.

Incorrect.

The correct answer is mustard.

Might be vegan witches.
Yeah, they're vegan witches.

Suzanne.

At the end of the band's
last ever concert in 2015,

Neil Peart surprised his
bandmates by doing what?

He came out from behind the drum set
to the front of the stage

and took a bow with them,
which he had never ever done before.

Correct.

(APPLAUSE)

Yeah, you're right, in 40 years
he had never crossed what he called

the 'back-line meridian',

staying behind his drums
until that night.

Are you also a fan of sticking
to completely meaningless rules?

No. He just said
that was never his territory.

That was for the guitarist and the
singer to be up there, and not him.

I love sticking to meaningless rules.
That's why I work at the ABC.

(LAUGHTER)

Courtney.

After attending a performance of
Macbeth in the early 18th century,

playwright John Dennis
accused the theatre company

of stealing his idea for a machine

that made what sound effect?

I think that it
might have been the thunder.

So Macbeth opens with thunder,

and by the 18th century

they would have been having some
sort of mechanised way of doing it.

So, a thunder machine.

Correct.

(APPLAUSE)

Yeah, Dennis made the thunder machine
for one of his own plays

and its unpermitted use in Macbeth

inspired the phrase
'to steal someone's thunder'.

ALL: Ooh.

Mmm. You loved that, didn't you?

"Ooh, tasty fact."

(LAUGHTER)

Suzanne, have a listen to this.

(YYZ BY RUSH PLAYS)

The song YYZ was inspired
when Peart and bassist Geddy Lee

heard a morse code identifier

while the band was
flying home to Toronto.

Why wasn't guitarist Alex Lifeson
sitting with them at the time?

He was flying the plane.

Correct.

(APPLAUSE)

What's morse code
for 'noodly wankfest'?

(LAUGHTER)

Would have no clue.

That's OK, I think I've got it.
It sounds like this.

(YYZ PLAYS)

Did you not know that answer
for a second?

I had to think, 'cause at first
I was thinking a commercial flight.

But then I remembered Alex
also has a pilot's license.

Yes.
So an educated guess.

And also their first single
was a cover by Buddy Holly,

so they were preparing for...
(LAUGHTER AND GROANS)

Alright.

Courtney, in the play's final act,

moments before Macbeth
is killed in battle, he says,

"I throw my warlike shield,"

followed by what three words?

So, in the final scene
he is fighting Macduff.

He's been told by the witches that
he won't die of a woman born,

and Macduff tells him that

he was "untimely ripped"
from his mother's womb,

so was NOT of woman born.

So I think that what he said
was about that.

Um...

But the exact quote...

Was it three words?

Not ripped.

Not of woman born.

Incorrect.

The correct answer
is "Lay on, Macduff".

Yeah, it's often misquoted
as "Lead on, Macduff",

which people say to mean like,

"Go, and I will follow",

but, in context, it's more like
a challenge to keep fighting.

Lay it on me.
Yeah.

Suzanne, the cover for
the 2012 album Clockwork Angels

features a clock
with the hands set at which time?

9:12, which is also a reference to
their album 2112.

Correct.

(APPLAUSE)

Courtney, you're in trouble here.
(WHISPERS) Yeah.

Courtney, cited as an example
of the play's curse,

while playing Macbeth in 1953,

Charlton Heston suffered burns
caused by what piece of costume?

Um...

I looked at lots of the incidents

where it was claimed that
the curse had struck.

Um... I don't think
I recall this one.

But I'm going to say that
his tunic was set on fire.

Close.
AUDIENCE: Ooh...

The correct answer is
it was his tights.

Yeah. His pants, yeah. His tights.

Which means, Suzanne,
you are tonight's Hard Quiz champion!

(APPLAUSE)

Good game.

Alright, Courtney,
you know what this means.

Out!

There she goes.

Congratulations, Suzanne,
you are tonight's Hard Quiz champion.

Which means you get the big brass mug

and you get to do the sign off.

Thank you for playing hard!

Yes!

Listen to Rush!
Rush!

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