Happy Days (1974–1984): Season 2, Episode 8 - Not with My Sister, You Don't - full transcript

(coin clinks in slot)

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend
comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪



♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪

(saxophone solo plays
over rhythmic handclaps)

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪



♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪

(doo-wop music plays)

RICHIE: A boy asked
Joanie out for a date?

MARION: Our little
girl on her first date.

Well, she's just
not a baby anymore.

Aw, Marion, she's
just going to a movie.

She's not eloping.

Oh, but this is
not a daytime date.

This is her first
nighttime date. (sniffles)

Chopping onions, Mom?

Oh... (sniffles)

I can't believe Joanie
going on a date with a boy.

Well, why not?

Girls date and I'm a girl.

I guess I never
thought of you that way.

Well, Raymond does,
and he's pretty neat.

He's got a paper route and
he's gonna pay for everything.

Did he say that?

No. But he is gonna pay.

Isn't he?

Oh, of course, dear.

The gentleman always
pays for everything.

And I'm sure he's a gentleman.

How did you happen to meet him?

He dropped a water bomb on me.

Well, maybe you'd better
give her a little money, Howard.

POTSIE: Hey,
Wendy, come on over.

(chuckles)

Oh, yeah, I'll have
some of your fries.

Okay. All right.

Cheeseburger, choc
malt, order of fries.

And hurry up, will you,
Wendy? I'm late for dinner.

You guys are a riot.

Marsha, how much is
a chocolate malt again?

Same as I told you before.

I forgot again.

Okay. Let's try this.

See where it says
"chocolate malt"?

Now, we follow the little
dots until we see "25 cents."

Got it? Thanks.

Okay. And if you're good,

tomorrow we'll work
you up to French fries.

Didn't you get a date yet?

I thought you were
doubling with Carol and I.

Don't worry, don't
worry. I'll get a date.

It's not like I'm desperate.

Hey, Marsh...

how about a date
tomorrow night? Huh?

Sorry. I never date a
boy to do a man's job.

(chuckles)

Now I'm desperate.

Can you set me up, Ralph?

Oh, sure. I got a
great girl for you.

Who? Her name's Marlene.

What if she has a date?

Who would date Marlene?

Ralph!

Don't worry.

(rock and roll playing)

Cunningham... c'mere.

Hey, Fonz.

How you doing? Pretty good.

I want to tell you
I think it's... uh...

What?

My kid nephew's
dating your kid sister.

Oh, he's your nephew?

Yeah. I didn't know that.

Yeah, he's got a lot of class.
You're really gonna like him.

I'm gonna let him come around
and hang out for a little while, huh?

His name is Spike. Spike?

Yeah. I thought his
name was Raymond.

We're trying to live that down.

Hey, Uncle Fonz!

Hey, how you doin', Spike?

Spike, this is Richie.
Richie, this is Spike.

This is Joanie's older brother.

Yeah?

Hey... about your
sister's build...

She's only 12.

Yeah, but she's
built like she's 13.

Yeah, well... let's eat, huh?

See ya, Cunningham.

See ya, Cunningham.

Yeah.

Spike?

My little girl's going out
tomorrow night with a Spike?

And he's Fonzie's nephew.

Where do you think we
went wrong, Howard?

Oh, come on now, Marion,

we're probably blowing this
whole thing out of proportion.

So what if he is
Fonzie's nephew?

What's the difference?

Fonzie's not so bad.

He's probably got a good
heart underneath all that leather.

Oh...

Aw, Marion, now there's
nothing to worry about.

Look, we've brought
Joanie up properly.

She knows right from wrong.

Well, I'm not so sure.

What do you mean,
you're not so sure, Marion?

Well, let me put it this way:

Joanie probably thinks
that everything is all right,

because no one has
told her about wrong.

Well now, don't you
think that it's about time

that you had that
little talk with her?

Oh, Howard, why
don't you talk to her?

Me? Oh, no!

Come on now, Marion,
that's your department.

My job is to have that
little talk with Richie.

And when the opportunity
comes up, I will.

You haven't talked
to Richard yet?

My father hasn't
talked to me yet.

You know, in California,

they teach about the birds
and the bees right in school.

That's California.

In Milwaukee, Marion,

the birds and bees are only
here four months out of the year.

(sighs)

I'm going to do it. I
want to get it over with.

Howard?

Hmm?

Do you suppose that there's

anything new that I
should know about?

Now, how would I
know that, Marion?

That's right.

Well, I'm just gonna be honest
and straightforward with her.

Good. I'm just gonna
tell her the facts.

Good. You tell her just exactly
what your mother told you.

That if she kisses a
boy, she'll go blind.

I heard that, dear,
and it's not funny.

♪ Sha-la-la-la... ♪

Wake up, dear.

Mom, what's the matter?
Is the house on fire?!

No, dear. I just...

thought we'd...
we'd have a little talk.

About what?

Well, about your date.

He's here already?

I must have really overslept.

He is not here, and you
just went to bed an hour ago.

Oh.

Joanie... this is a moment...

a moment shared by a
mother and a daughter

that you'll remember
the rest of your life.

Are you gonna
raise my allowance?

No, dear.

Now, you see, the questions
that I had in mind are about

the things that boys
and girls do together.

Oh, like necking.

You... you know about necking?

Sure, it means
kissing and hugging,

like they do in the balcony.

I watch them when
the movie's crummy.

Well, you know, kissing
and hugging is just...

part of it.

You see, nature
gives us a certain urge.

You mean I've got an urge
that no one told me about?

Oh, Joanie, you're
making this very difficult.

I'm telling you about life.

You see, there is a right
way and a wrong way.

Now, the right way is to finish
high school and then you go

to college, you fall in
love with a nice man...

Say a doctor or a lawyer...
And you get married

and you build a home, put
some money in the bank...

and then you have a baby.

You don't have to do all
that just to have a baby.

Linda Shanley's sister Candy
quit high school to have hers.

She did? I thought she
went away to boarding school.

Well, nonetheless... now, you
see, Candy's is the wrong way.

Now, if this Spike tries

to put his arm around
you in the movie theater,

you just tell him that you
are not that kind of a girl.

What kind of a girl?

Uh... well...

the kind of a girl
that you're not.

Oh... (groans)

Hey, this is my sex talk!

Yes!

What's going on with Joanie?

Yesterday all she cared
about was who was gonna pay

for the popcorn and now she's
up there talking about necking.

What did you say to her?

Well, Howard, you
told me to talk to her.

Yes, talk, but not
tell her anything.

(doorbell rings)

If that's Raymond, I'm ready!

You're not ready, dear.

Go back upstairs. Now,
if you want to attract boys,

you're not supposed
to look eager.

We don't want
her to attract boys.

Well, regardless,
there are certain things

a girl has to learn. But Mom...!

Besides, your father would
like a chance to meet him.

(ringing continues)

Oh, Richie, will
you stick around

for a few minutes and
help me meet Spike?

Sure, Dad.

Well, uh, hello, Raymond.

I'm Mr. Cunningham.

My friends call me Spike.

Oh, yes, of course. Spike.

Won't you come in?

Hey, Rich. What's shakin'?

Not much.

Joanie'll be down
in just a minute.

Well, Dad... Uh, can I go now?

Oh, yes, go ahead,
Richard, have fun.

Thanks.

Well, Spike...

tell me something
about yourself, huh?

Well, you know, I get around.

Hmm... Is this
your first date, too?

Yeah, but don't worry.

I got the straight dope.

Straight dope?

From Uncle Fonzie,
before I came over.

He put me straight
on chicks and stuff.

And stuff?

I thought we were going roller
skating with Potsie and his date.

Well, Potsie
couldn't get a date.

Besides I hate to
miss a good movie.

Listen, there's one
thing I need to mention.

My father asked
us to do a little favor.

Richie, do I see two
kids in the back seat?

That's the favor.

We're babysitting?

Oh, not exactly.

My father is giving us 50 cents
an hour to double date with them.

Hey, Carol.

What's shakin'?

Please, Mary Lou, you
can't leave me like this.

It'll never work out.

Is it because... I'm a werewolf?

That's part of it.

Look at me, Mary Lou.

(romantic music plays)

Are these the
lips of a werewolf?

(music swells)

I didn't know people
could kiss that long.

You oughta see
Uncle Fonzie operate.

Joanie can see us.

So?

So, I don't think we
should set a bad example.

(romantic music swelling)

Here. Here you go, Spike.

(softly): What?

Enjoying the movie?

So-so.

Huh?

Thanks for the popcorn.

I hope you didn't salt it.

Joanie.

Joanie!

Carol, where have you been?

I went to the ladies' room.

Why? Why?

Where are the kids?

I don't know. You don't know?

They were just
sitting right here.

I told you to keep an eye on 'em. I
can't keep... Well, I was watching...

They said they were going
to Arnold's or someplace.

We got to find 'em... come on.

I want to stay
and see the movie.

Oh, come on; this is the
third time you've seen it.

But I never saw the ending.

The first two times
were at the drive-in.

No, we've got to go, let's go.

No, this is the best
part. Come on, Carol.

Richie.

Sorry, uh...

Here, why don't
you just keep it?

But you are the
first one I thought of.

Yeah.

Okay, Marlene.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, sure, I understand.

Yeah.

See ya.

She won't go out with me
'cause it's Saturday night.

I mean, what's that mean?

It's the code.

Oh, yeah, the old code.

What code's that?

No girl wants to
look unpopular, right?

So if you want to date
a girl for Saturday night,

you got to ask her
out by Thursday,

unless of course,
you're going steady,

in which case you can ask
her out as late as Friday.

But you can't ask a girl
out for Saturday afternoon

and expect her
to go out with you,

unless you just broke
up with a girl she hates.

And to dare to ask a
girl out on Saturday night

for Saturday night...

(chuckles): Tony
Curtis couldn't get a date

with Janet Leigh
on that short notice.

Do you understand?

That's a dumb code.

Maybe, but it's the
only one we've got.

Joanie!

Joanie!

You're a real fun date, Richie.

Maybe they're inside.

Come on.

Joanie.

Potsie, have you
seen Joanie and Spike?

They were here, but they left.

Do you know where they went?

No, but maybe they
left a trail of French fries.

This is serious, Potsie.

I'm hungry and my feet hurt.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Listen.

Potsie, would you
do me a favor? Sure.

Would you kind of
watch out for Carol?

Here. Here's a dollar.

Get her anything
she wants, okay?

Oh, I'll do it for nothing.

All right. On second thought,

I'm a big tipper.

Okay, thanks. Well?

Potsie's gonna take care of you.

I'll see you later, okay?

I can hardly wait.

Marsha, my little sister
left here with Spike.

Do you know where they went?

Have you checked Kiddieland?

Come on, he's Fonzie's nephew.

Have you checked the motels?

Thanks a lot, Marsha.

Look, why don't you just go home

and tell your parents
that she's lost?

She's not lost.

She's just kind of... misplaced.

Besides, she's
my responsibility.

I can't give up on her.

I got to find her.

Well, there might
be a clue in the fact

that Spike likes to do
what Fonzie likes to do.

Right. Do you know
where Fonzie is?

Inspiration Point.

Inspiration Point?

(horn honks)

Joanie.

Joanie!

Joanie.

Joanie, it's Richie.

What are you, crazy?

Ralph, have you
seen Joanie up here?

How can you ask me a question
like that at a time like this?

Ruby was going to
give me her best kiss.

She's taking out her retainer.

I can't find her anywhere,
and I'm starting to sweat.

Ralph, would you
help me look for her?

You got to be kidding.

She's already got
one rubber band off.

My little sister is alone
with Fonzie's nephew.

Oh, right.

Okay, I'll help you.

Hey, Ruby, check
around while I'm gone.

Make sure there's no poison ivy.

Thanks, Ralph, come on.

She's great; she
was a Girl Scout.

If there was poison
ivy, she'll find it.

Joanie.

Shh, we're not at Arnold's.

I wish we were.

Joanie.

Rich, they're not here.

Let's face it.

Spike doesn't even
have a car to make out in.

You didn't need a car.

Oh, yeah.

Rich, you know, there's
something special

about making out under a tree.

I figure my love
life would double

if they showed drive-in
movies in orchards.

Yeah, you're a real
nature lover, Ralph.

Yeah, and Ruby has the
best nature has to offer.

(romantic music playing in car)

Carol? Potsie?

(chuckles)

Hi, buddy.

What are you doing
up here with my date?

I'm not your date anymore.

Yeah and look, Rich...

I was driving her home,
and we took a wrong turn.

And... What are you doing here?

I'm here with Ralph.

Rich, I know this
really looks bad,

but there's a
simple explanation.

Tell me about it tomorrow.

It'll give you some
time to think of it.

I got to find Joanie.

Come on, Ralph.

You haven't found Joanie yet?

Hey, I'll help you look.

Oh, thanks, Pots.

I don't believe this.

This is an emergency.

He's my best friend.

Joanie.

Squirt.

Come on, Joanie.

Joanie.

Forget it.

I don't know where they are.

Look on the bright side.

They're too young to elope.

Yeah, besides, I don't think
Spike's the marrying kind.

(laughs)

Just trying to cheer you up.

FONZIE: Hey...

would you turkeys take
your party somewhere else?

I can't concentrate.

Fonzie, I'm really
glad to see you.

Yeah.

Spike disappeared with Joanie.

So what is the big sweat?

Well, I'm worried because
Spike's your nephew,

and he's trying to do
everything the way you would.

Yeah!

Yeah.

That's a lot of cool
for a 12-year-old kid.

I mean, I couldn't handle
it myself till I was 13.

Will you help us look for 'em?

Sure, why not?

Oh, great... I think
we should split up.

Ralph, why don't
you go over there?

Uh... Potsie, if you went
over there it'd be good.

Fonzie, I was thinking...
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Why do you turkeys always
take the hard way out, huh?

Can I have your
attention, please?!

All right, now, listen up.

I got an announcement to make.

I'm looking for a
12-year-old girl.

Hey, you told me you were 16.

All right, she's Richie
Cunningham's little kid sister,

and she's with my nephew, Spike,

who's also a kid,
but very, very cool.

Now, if you've seen
'em or heard 'em, honk.

All right, go back to
what you were doing

before your lips get cold.

She ain't around.

Okay? Okay.

Okay? Hey.

Let's get back to
business here, huh?

Did you miss me?

Well, that's that.

Sorry, Rich.

Well, I guess I'll just have
to tell my Dad that I lost 'em.

I got to get back to my tree.

See you, Rich.

Rich, do you mind?

You know, Carol...
Go ahead, Potsie.

Thanks, Rich.

(sighs)

Carol didn't want to baby sit.

Then I take her to a movie that
she's already seen twice before.

Then they were kissing up on
the screen so I had to change seats.

Then when I got back
from getting the popcorn,

the kids were gone.

I handed the popcorn to
the guy sitting next to me.

Then I went to Arnold's,
but they weren't there.

I went to Inspiration Point,
but nobody honked their horn.

I didn't know where
else to look for 'em.

So that's the whole story.

Hmm. That's some story.

What does it mean?

It means that I lost
Joanie and Spike.

Well, you did your
best, Richard, you tried.

Dad, don't you understand?

Joanie is out there
alone with Spike.

Richard, I think maybe you
better come inside with me.

"Get out of jail free."

Hey, I'll save this one
for my Uncle Herbie.

Hi.

Joanie, where were you?

Right here playing Monopoly.

I won ten grand.

You cheated.

Well, I tracked you to Arnold's,
but where'd you go after that?

Here. What'd you think?

I'd take her to Inspiration
Point on my bicycle?

Now, you go right up to bed.

You've had a big night.

Okay. Night, Rich, night, Dad.

Thanks for taking Raymond home.

HOWARD: Okay, sweetheart.

You know, I think
Mom wasted her talk.

He didn't even try
to kiss me good night.

Not even a handshake?

Nope, he just
punched me in the arm

and said, "See ya, Cunningham."

(chuckles)

Actually, he's a
very nice little kid.

I guess your, uh,
date with Carol

didn't work out, huh?

Oh, it worked out fine.

For Potsie.

You know, they're probably
still up at Inspiration Point?

Well, I'm sorry for what
happened, Richard.

I appreciate what
you tried to do.

But you know,
unfortunately sometimes

family responsibilities get
in the way of having fun.

Yeah.

You know, they still
would have been all right

even if I'd left
them alone tonight.

Well, next time
Joanie has a date,

you won't have to go with them.

Oh, thanks, Dad.

I'll follow her myself.

A little trusting,
a little spying...

That's a father's job.

Carol, you have every
reason to be mad at me.

But I like you a lot, and
I'd like to make up with you

and I'll do anything I
can to make it up to you

for what I did last night.

Well, I could give
you another chance.

Aw, great. Richie!

Hey, Ralph.

What're you doing here?

Tonight's the intramural
basketball championship game.

It's been changed to 7:30.

Yeah, but I just told Carol...

Richie, you got to come;
the team needs you.

It's the championship
game. Aw, but Ralph.

You're the only center we have.

They need me.

I'm sorry, but I got to
go... They need me.

Somehow, this
seems very familiar.

(engine starts)

Wait a minute;
what're you doing?

I'll mind Carol for you.

Yeah, but what about the game?

I'm a guard.

We got lots of guards.

Come on, Ralph.

I'll see you later.

See you later.

After the game!

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
You know what your problem is, Richie?

♪ Saturday, what a day
♪ I'd like to know, Fonzie.

♪ Groovin' all week with you! ♪

♪ This day is ours ♪
You're a nice guy.

♪ Won't you be mine?
♪ And nice guys finish last.

♪ This day is ours ♪ Hey,
hey, not necessarily, huh.

♪ Oh, please be mine ♪
You just got to work your tail off

to get up there in the
top three. That's all.

♪ This day is ours ♪

♪ These are such happy days. ♪

♪ Hello, sunshine,
good-bye rain ♪

♪ She's wearing my
school ring on the chain ♪

♪ She's my steady, I'm her man ♪

♪ I'm gonna love her all I can ♪

♪ This day is ours ♪

♪ Won't you be mine? ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ This day is ours ♪

♪ Oh, please be mine ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days. ♪