Hannah Montana (2006–2011): Season 4, Episode 3 - California Screamin' - full transcript

Come on Miley, the sooner
we get to Traci's party,

the sooner we can, you know,
leave Traci's party.

If you hate her so much,
why are you going?

[beeps]

Because her food is
fantastic and I lined
my purse with plastic.

That is so tacky.

And get me anything
wrapped in bacon.

Ow! There's glitter in my eye,
glitter in my eye!

Well, at least this time
your wig isn't itching.

You had to go there!

Well, now you're not thinking
about the glitter in your eye.



Ah!

[groaning]

- [crash]
- Ow!

Hey, Dad, we're off to Traci's.
See you in a little bit.

- Hey, bring me back...
- Anything wrapped in bacon.

Got it.

So this is pretty much
your Saturday night?

Heck no. After this,

I'm gonna write the
account numbers on the rolls.

Edgar down at the bank
appreciates my thoroughness.

Good for you.

Come on! I wanna get there
before Lady Gaga

turns the dessert table
into a hat.

Come on now,
you gotta get in there.



[high-pitched] No, no,
the other quarters hate me
'cause I'm shiny.

We have got to get
my dad a girlfriend.

[Miley] Whoo!

Here we go, everybody!

♪ Come on ♪

♪ You get the limo
out front ♪

♪ Oooh ♪

♪ Hottest styles
Every shoe, every color ♪

♪ Yeah, when you're famous
it can be kind of fun ♪

♪ It's really you
but no one ever discovers ♪

♪ Who would have thought
that a girl like me ♪

♪ Would double
as a superstar ♪

Whooo!

♪ You get the best
of both worlds ♪

♪ Chill it out
Take it slow ♪

♪ Then you rock out the show ♪

♪ You get the best
of both worlds ♪

♪ Mix it all together
and you know ♪

♪ That it's the best
of both worlds ♪

Stupid dumb party. Big empty
purse, wasted use of plastic.

Oh, will you stop muttering?

You drag me
to Traci's dumb party,

and then make me leave before
I can load up on cream puffs.

Huh? Empty. Empty.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I think you meant to say,

"Gee, Miley, I'm really
worried about your dad, too.

Maybe we should go
home and hang out

with the sweet and
desperately lonely man

that gives me
my food and shelter."

Or something like that.

Yeah, OK.

But I'm a lot more compassionate
after a cream puff!

Lilly!

- Uh, Dad?
- Shh! For goodness sakes,
this is important!

[woman on TV] And my
last rose goes to...

Pick Michael,
pick Michael, pick Michael!

- [woman] Michael.
- Whoo-hoo! Yeah!

Tell you what.
I didn't like him at first,

but after he read
that kitty cat poem,

I was Team Michael all the way.

Dad, you can't live like this.

When was the last time
you had a date?

Oh, for Pete's sake, darlin'.

You don't have to worry
about my love life.

Translation: a long time ago.

I'll tell you what. Ol' Robby
Ray will date somebody

when he meets somebody
he wants to date.

That's the way
Robby Ray rolls.

Well, unless her name
is Day Old Pizza,

I don't see it happening.

- [sighs]
- What are you getting
so freaked out about?

You heard the guy. He'll date
someone when he's ready.

Yeah, but what
if he never is?

Dangflammit!

Hold still, you little
son of a pepperoni!

- Miley?
- Sorry.

I'm not gonna
let my dad end up alone.

[sighs] When you say "I,"
you mean "we," don't you?

Share the bedroom,
share the life.

♪ Whoa, oh, oh ♪

Hey, Mamaw, just called
to see how you're doing.

You broke your leg skiing?

I'm sorry.

You know who doesn't
have a broken leg?

The supermodel I'm dating.

That's right,
I'm dating a supermodel!

- [doorbell rings]
- Gotta go.
Hope your arm's feeling better.

Yeah, yeah, leg, whatever.

OK, I want an answer
and I want it right now!

How can a girl like... this

be with a guy like... this?

That's not fair.
Anybody can look stupid

if you catch
them at the wrong time.

Well...

It was a really cheesy pizza!

It was a really muggy day!

That is not me!

Now, I can see her
going out with you once.

She lost a bet, pity date

or the whole "I'm trying
to punish my parents" thing.

But three weeks?!

It makes no sense.

You're not good-looking,
you're not smart

and you pick your nose
behind the menu.

I do not!

I don't need
to see the pictures!

So, what are you, the world's
greatest kisser or something?

Well, yeah, that's me.

Mr. World's
Greatest Kisser... Guy.

Well, OK.
Thanks for coming by.

We should do this again
real soon. Bye-bye.

You haven't kissed her yet!

[scoffs] Yes, I have.

No, you haven't! That's why
she hasn't broken up with you.

This is a girl who's kissed
football players, rock stars,

Australians!
You know, real men.

And once she kisses you,

you can kiss her goodbye!

Finally, my world
makes sense again.

No, no, no!

Hi, there.
Are those for the bake sale?

Those look delish. My single
daddy would love those.

- What's your recipe?
- Wedding ring.

Move along.

Hi.

Those for the bake sale?
They look delicious.

- Dating anyone special?
- Why, yes, I am.

- My husband.
- Would it kill you
to wear a ring?

Are there no divorced
mothers in this school?

It's California,
for cryin' out loud.

Come on. We'll find somebody.
Stop wigging out.

And the phantom
wig itch returns.

Are there no good single men
left in this city?

He had no manners,
wasn't into music,

and when I complimented him
on his hair,

he took it off to show me
where he bought it.

I'll never get that sound of
ripping Velcro out of my head.

[imitates ripping] Ew!

Well, Daddy did say
bring him back

something from the bake sale.

No, Mother, I will not
go out with your butcher

so you can get free meat.

Fifty percent off king crab?

No, Mom, no. I'm not gonna
do it. I have my pride.

Mom, you know what?
I gotta go.

There's a sick kid in my office.
Listen. [fake coughing]

Hear that, Mom?
Oh, so sorry. Gotta go. Bye.

- Is this a bad time?
- [groans] No.

- My mom's just wiggin' out.
- Again with that word.

I need to talk to you about
something a little awkward

- and potentially embarrassing.
- Miley, relax.

I'm a nurse.
I've seen it all.

Uh, not that kind of awkward
and embarrassing.

Miley, it's OK. You're not the
first senior to get head lice.

- Um, I don't have head lice.
- Let's hope not.
Just sit still.

- But...
- Miley!

Fine.

Well, I sure hope
I don't have head lice,

because then my single
and very attractive daddy

would have to come pick me up.

I'm pretty sure you'd be able
to drive yourself home.

Yeah, you're right.

Besides, I bet he's really
busy working on his music

and brushing his incredibly
beautiful and real hair

or, you know, perhaps
practicing opening doors

for a future girlfriend
he hopes to have one day.

All right. Miley.
What's going on?

Well, I kinda heard
your conversation
in the cafeteria,

- and my dad's single...
- Oh! Whoa, whoa.

Hold it right there.
That's very sweet of you,

but I'm through with fix-ups.
From now on,

I will date someone when
I meet someone I wanna date.

That's exactly what my dad
said! You have got to meet him!

She won't meet him.

Well, I guess there is
just nothing else we can do,

- she said hopefully.
- She was wrong.

I know they'd like each other
if I could just get them
in the same room.

All right, but don't
drag me into it.

- Fine.
- [dials phone]

Hey, Dad, you gotta get down
to the nurse's office.

Lilly's got the cold sweats
and shakes.

What're you talking about?
[gasps] No!

Sorry, involuntary
muscle spasm.

Don't wanna have lunch with me, You know?

No, this one does not sound
better than Velcro Head.

Mother, I'm not
playing hard to get.
First, he's 73.

And second, he's 73.
I gotta go

- OK... Let's see.
- [coughing]

Well, no fever
and your sweats are gone.

Are you sure there's
nothing else making you sick?

Maybe like your mother?

Maybe it was
something I ate. Ooh!

Um, you know, I can feel
those shakes coming back.

[stammering] Can I please
get a blanket?

Hm... OK.

[gasping]

Here's your blanket.

Hm...

And your sweats
are back, too.

And they smell
like mango iced tea.

Must be one of those,
uh, tropical viruses.

The nurse is busy.
It's a stomachache. Man up!

- [retching]
- Oh, no!
Watch the boots, buddy!

- How's Lilly doing?
- Not very good.

You should go
talk to the nurse.

Wait, wait, wait.

Go talk to her.

Hi, I'm here for, uh...

- Uh...
- Lilly Truscott.

Right, her.

Right, her.

Look at that. I'm just
feeling so much...

See you later.

- Hi, I'm Lori.
- I'm, uh...

- Robby!
- Robby. That guy.

- [laughing] Hi.
- Robby.

Prepare to be kissed

as you've never
been kissed before.

I bet an Australian never
kissed you like that before.

Blech! Yuck! Seriously?! Ugh!

No, wait, I can do better!

I'm... I'm...

Begging the piggy
for a second chance?

[laughing hysterically]

[grunting]

[doorbell rings]

Siena! Hey!

Hey, hey. Um...

What are you doing here?

Well, it's just,
we had such a good time
the other night,

and you haven't
called, so...

- Is everything OK?
- OK? Everything's great.

In fact, I was
just getting ready to call you.

So maybe you should go home,
and I'll call you right now.

- [laughs]- Better hurry, os
just gonna be a message.

Uh...

So who wants to watch TV?

I'm gonna make some popcorn.

You like popcorn, I like
popcorn. I'll make some popcorn.

It's gonna give us something
to do with our mouths.

It's not really my
first choice, but OK.

Ooh!

Who's this? My competition?

[laughs] Who's
the funny one now?

[music plays on TV]

I can't wait to see this.
I've heard it's so romantic.

Well, alrighty then.

Well, alrighty then.

[laughs]

Ooh! I'm kinda chilly,
aren't you?

- Now that you mention it, I am.
- Yeah?

Thanks.

Ah! It's toasty.

Well, righty then.

Wow! The bass sounds
great down here.

I feel so stupid.
You just wan be friends,

and I'm throwing myself at you.

This is so embarrassing!

Siena, wait!

No, wait!

Wait, I do. I wanna...

I wanna be

more than just friends.

Then why
won't you kiss me?

'Cause I'm not like the guys
you usually go out with.

They're all...

[growls]

And I'm... eh...

They're all... Ho, ho!

And I'm... hey...

You're right.

You're not like the guys I date.

You are...

...way better.

- Whoa!
- [crashing]

♪ La-di-da-da-da ♪

Again, you don't have
enough for the big tiger, OK?

It's the dragon stickers,
the eraser or the ice cube
with the fly in it.

Thank you!

Oh, hey.

I thought you'd be spying
on your dad and his date.

It's not like
I'm 12 anymore.

Like I'm gonna follow
them to some restaurant,

hide behind a potted plant,
then get underneath
a dessert cart

when I can't
hear them anymore. Please!

- Did you get me a cream puff?e
brûlée and a chocolate mousse.

- Yeah!
- The good thing is

they're having an awesome time
and they didn't see me.

Yeah.

- Well, they're
gonna see you now.
- Yoinks!

- Whoo!
- Hey, guys!

What are ya'll doing here?
Oh, that's right.

You two kids are on a date.

I completely forgot,
slipped my mind.

Yeah, we went to that
really nice fish place
down at the end of the pier.

You know the one. The one
with the dessert carts

big enough for a girl
to hide under.

Except her feet
kind of poke out the back.

Nope, doesn't ring a bell.

Well, then, maybe this
might jog your memory.

You owe me for a crème brûlée,

a chocolate mousse
and a cream puff.

- Cream puff? You said...
- I was hungry!

Miley, relax,
we're having a good time.

- A great time.
- A great time.

See, the old man's still
got a little giddy-up
in his git along.

I cannot believe you
lied about the cream puff.

- Who cares about
the cream puff?
- Me!

Look, they're having
a great time.

Do I have a gift of knowing
when people are right
for each other or what?

You never thought me and Oliver
were right for each other.

- The jury's still out
on that one.
- I'm sorry, what?

Fine.

I give you permission
to say one bad thing about Jake.

He looks like Ellen DeGeneres.

That is so...
freakishly true.

Get that out of
your head, Miley.
Get that out of your head!

Think about your dad
and how happy he is.

He's laughing,
they're holding hands
in line for a roller coaster!

Oh, my gosh!

- Why am I saying,
"Oh, my gosh?"
- Two years ago, Fourth of July.

Remember?

- I don't see it. Oh.
- Right here.

[all] Whoo!

Oh, Lord! Ah!

[shouting]

Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh!

If she hears that
crazy coaster cackle,

she's gonna dump him
quicker than I dump Jake

if I can't get that dang Ellen
DeGeneres thing out of my head,
thank you so much!

♪ Oh, oh
Hey, yeah ♪

You know what I hate? People
who scream on roller coasters.

I mean, it's not like you
don't know what's gonna happen.
You're up, down,

you're around, you're done.
That's it.

So let's just
not scream, OK? Sh!

I thought you said Miley
was your normal kid.

- Sadly, that's true.
- [laughs]

OK, here we go! Remember,
it's cool to be quiet.

- Let's all try it.
- Let's.

[screaming]

Get off, Mile!

Sorry, Dad! Giving
you a hug from behind!

- Love you!
- [muffled scream]

[screaming]

- Oh, Lord!
- I changed my mind!
Let's all scream!

[all screaming]

Whoo! That was so much fun!
You know what?

That is the kind of fun
you cannot duplicate,
so let's make a pact right now

that we will not get on
that roller coaster ever again

because that would only cheapen
the fun we've shared.

Who's with me?

Put your hands in!

I can't hear anything you say,
but I wanna ride it again!

Me, too!
And without you this time.

- And without her this time!
- No, no, no. You can't.
Excuse us.

Why don't you
save us a spot in line?

I'll go save us a spot in line!

Mile, what in the Sam Hill
is going on with you, girl?

- I just don't want
you to blow it.
- What?

I've been trying hard
to get your quarter rollin'
rump out of the house,

and now your crazy coaster
cackle is gonna blow it!

- Crazy coaster what?
- Oh, Lord! Oh, Lord!

- [grunting]
- Stop that.
People are lookin' at you

like you're one apple
shy of a fritter.

And that's exactly how
Lori's gonna look at you

if you go
on that coaster again.

I just don't want you
to die alone, Dad!

Do you know
something I don't?

Daddy, before you know it,

Jackson and I are gonna
be out of the house

- and you're gonna be...
- Just fine.

Mile, one of the hardest
things a parent has to do

is watch their child go off
on their own and trust
that they'll be OK.

You're just gonna have to trust
that I'll be OK, too.

- I know, Dad, but...
- Hey, honey.

If your mama could accept me,
cackle and all,

somebody else will, too.

Maybe it's Lori,
maybe it's not.

I'm gonna have to get on
that coaster and go find out.

And you're just gonna
have to let me.

Go get 'em, cowboy.

Oh, wait.

Wait.

OK, go.

They grow up so fast.

I'll see you girls later.

Lori and I are
gonna go catch a movie.

Don't wait up.
[clicks tongue]

Who would've thought
Lori'd get over your
dad's coaster cackle?

Yeah, and who thought
Siena'd get over Jackson's...

Well, everything.

Hey, we have the
house to ourselves.

You're right, no dad,
no annoying brother.

We can do anything.

Pick Stiven,
pick Stiven, pick Stiven!

Synced By max_pain89