Hannah Montana (2006–2011): Season 4, Episode 1 - Sweet Home Hannah Montana - full transcript

" Yeah...

"Yeah..."

Well, are my babies ready
to see the new home?

Dad. 'Babies'?
Really? Come on.

Soon to be high school
senior here.

Soon to be college
dropout there.

"Soon to be
college dropout there."

I wasn't talking to you guys.
I was talkin' to these babies.

Wait till you see
your new bathroom.

I got ya a come-plated
wall holster.

Different house,
same dippy dad.



Same dippy dad with...
great hair.

Ta-DA!

Oh, sweet Mama!

Wait, this isn't our furniture.

Honey, no interest for
24 months says it is.

You bought new furniture?
Without consulting me?

And it looks good?

I gotta sit down.

Try out the new sectional.
It's double stuffed.

And, fortunately,
pet-protected.

- What's this do?
- That's a remote.

I know we just met...

...but I think I love you.

You like that one, wait till
you see the one in your bed...



...room.

I'm never moving out!

Didn't think that one
through, did ya, Dad?

Have fun on tour,
Ollie-pop.

I'm gonna be so sad
till you're home again.

This place rocks!

Yeah, my eyes
won't see anything

but the blur of my tears.

And... pizza oven?!

Yeah, I can't talk.
I gotta go. Wow!

- I know!
- How?

- Him. I know!
- Him?

- Whoa!
- Uh-huh.

This is the place everybody's
gonna want to hang out.

I know. I already
thought about that.

I am gonna be the
social hub of senior year!

Me!

We!

I said "we" 'cause I was...
I mean, I was thinking "we."

Just... Daddy,
we love the place.

- See what I did right there?
- You think you love this?

Wait till you see
your new bedroom.

I brought out something
special from Tennessee.

First Blue Jeans, then the house
and now there's even more?

Is he the sweetest daddy
in the world, or what?

I'm gonna have
to go with "or what?"

Whoo!

Here we go, everybody!

* Come on *

* You get the limo
out front *

* Oooh *

* Hottest styles
Every shoe, every color *

* Yeah, when you're famous
it can be kind of fun *

* It's really you
but no one ever discovers *

* Who would have thought
that a girl like me *

* Would double
as a superstar *

Whooo!

* You get the best
of both worlds *

* Chill it out
Take it slow *

* Then you rock out the show *

* You get the best
of both worlds *

* Mix it all together
and you know *

* That it's the best
of both worlds *

Why would your dad think that
wrapping up your old room

and shipping it here
would make you happy?

This room makes me so happy.

Sometimes I wish I could

wrap it all up and
take it out to Malibu.

Who knows what goes through
that hillbilly mind of his?

- Now put down Rainbow Piggy.
- Rainbow Piggy?

Hey, I was six...

He oinked away the bad dreams.

Well can he oink away this one?

Oh, man, I didn't get my
old room from Tennessee.

All I got was a new stereo, new
TV, new memory foam mattress...

Look, you have to do something.

I can't spend senior year
rooming with Daisy Diaper!

- I'm wet.
- Zip it, drippy! No one cares!

OK, I know it's crazy,
but when we were back home

and you said how much
you loved your bedroom

and how you'd like to wrap it
up and bring it out here...

You said that?

Don't interrupt.
It's not polite.

Anyway, I seen
how much you loved it,

and how happy you were.
And then I bought the ranch and got to thinking,

"Well, shoot, Robby Ray,
you're halfway there."

Give the girl her bedroom!

"Make her that happy
all the time."

Thank you so much, Daddy.

Don't know what
I did to deserve this.

I honestly don't.

* Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh
Whoa *

New house, new study habits.

Who am I kidding?

New house, same
gut-wrenching disappointment.

Hey, guys.

Wow, cool house.

I'm TJ. Normally I wouldn't
just barge in like this,

but now that I've
gone through your mail,

I feel like we're old friends.

- Who wants pie?
- You went through our mail?

Hold on, son. I'll handle this.
I'll have a slice!

Dad, focus!
He read our mail!

Just the outside.
I'm not weird or anything.

So how about we grab that
pie and hit the hot tub.

- Uh, look, son... - Or, if you're
embarrassed by those extra pounds,

you could spit out the pie and
we can go straight to the tub.

Did he just call me fat?

Now I'll handle this.
Right this way, please.

I came on too strong, didn't I?

Lil' bit.

Hi, cuz.

TJ, I told you to wait for me.

I'm sorry.
He's really very sweet,

except you know
that thing in your head

that tells you not to say stuff?
Yeah. He doesn't have that.

What are you talking about?
He's just about

the most charming little
rascal I ever did meet.

So my cousin didn't say
anything he shouldn't have?

- Nooo.
- He called me fat!

Well, I mean, let's face it,
you are a little doughy.

We were getting ready to get
in the hot tub. You wanna come?

I'd love to, but I have a bikini
catalogue shoot in an hour.

B-b-b-b-bikini?

- Yeah. I'm a model.
- Of course you are.

- But I can stay!
- Of course you can.

I didn't bring my trunks, but I
don't mind tubbin' in my undies.

- Of course you don't.
- Well, have fun.

OK.

* Have a
good day at school today *

* Have a good day
at school *

I love you.

"Yeah. Move in with me,

we're like sisters,
it'll be fun, y'all."

You're just bitter 'cause
your dresser doesn't love you.

Yeah. That's it.

* Ooh, ooh, hey
Yeah, yeah *

You really didn't have to
loan me these board shorts.

Yes. Yes I did.

Hey, you know what's weird?

Your dad is so tall
and good looking.

What happened to you?

See, I have such an
amazing sense of humor,

and that's why
I can laugh at that.

Maybe you should
tell your cousin that.

Oh. Thanks, Robb-o.

Oh, look at that, you
got your own little door.

If I open this, can I look
forward to more stupid music?

Can I look forward
to more stupid music?

Don't open it.

This is a nightmare.

How are we supposed to be
the social hub of senior year

in a room full of pink piggies
and musical furniture?

Look, OK... We know it's bad.

- But it's not like
anyone from school is ever gonna see it.

Miley, some of your
buddies from school are here!

Oh, come on!

Stewart! This house
is unbelievable!

It's like my dream house except
it doesn't have solar panels,

a rain water
reclamation system,

and it isn't made
out of used tires...

But other than that,
it's perfect!

Yeah, way to bring down
the room, Sarah.

And FYI, a tree never died
to make a breath mint.

- That's organic broccoli!
- You know what? She's right.

This house is an
energy-sucking eyesore!

I'm ashamed for you to see it.
You guys should just leave.

Oh, come on, at least
let us see your bedroom.

Uh...

We would, but Lilly
has gotta get down

to her new job at the pier!

Uh... No, my shift
doesn't start until 5:30...

- You have to go to work!
- I have to go to work!

- Hey, Mom.
- Come on! Fun! The pier!

- Prizes!
- Mile, what's the rush?

You've got time to
show 'em your bedroom.

- She has to go to work!
- I have to go to work!

Oh, man. My stupid
little brother is sick

and now I can't have my "call it a slumber
party and I'll pound your face in"

- sleepover this weekend.
- Too bad.

- What a shame.
- Can't live in the past.

- Let's go to the pier.
- Let's go to the pier!

Hey, I got a good idea. Why
don't you have your party here?

Should've seen that one
coming daddy say what?

- Really, Mr. Stewart?
- Really, Mr. Stewart?

Absolutely. There's no better
way to break in a new house

than a good old-fashioned
sleepover!

Besides that, what a great way
to kick off your senior year!

This is awesome.

You betcha!

* Ooh, aah, aah *

* Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah *

* La, Di, DA, DA *

* La, Di, De, DA, DA, ooh *

Oh, my gosh. Wait until you see
Miley's house, it's amazing!

Well, as amazing
as a house can be

without an
in-kitchen composter.

Yeah, if our parents
weren't dating...

Don't worry. The way
your mom overwaters her lawn,

my dad's walking
any day now.

Thanks, Stewart.
See you Saturday.

Yep! Party starts at eight.

Humiliation and social death
starts promptly at 8:01.

Do you mind?
I am trying to be cheery.

I'm the face of
Al Blaine's Funtopia!

Hi, sweetie,
have you made your choice?

I want the big tiger.

Well, the big tiger
is 50,000 tickets.

You can get the ice cubes, the
eraser or the dragon stickers.

- I want the big tiger.
- You can't have the big tiger.

But if you put those stickers
under your pillow,

when you wake
up in the morning,

that tiger'll be at
the foot of your bed.

- Yay!
- Yay!

Yeah, he'll be disappointed,
but, you know,

at least when he wakes up Sunday
he'll still have friends!

Look, come on...
What do you expect me to do?

I can't just tell
my dad I hate the room.

You saw him.
"Do you like it?

I did it just for you, Bud."

I just wish there was some way he
could see how humiliating it is.

Daddy, you promised you'd say good
night before you went to your concert.

Hold on,
I'm comin', darling!

Marty, I'm not walkin'
out on stage in this shirt.

It's humiliating!
Hold on just a second...

Night, darlin'.

Sweet dreams.

I'm serious, Marty, I look
like a dang motel sign.

- I want that shirt.
- Why?

Let me paint you a picture...

- Father?
- Yes, kitten?

You do so much for me, I want
to do something special for you.

- Surprise!
- Good heavens!

You wore a shirt like this when
I was a mere slip of a girl,

and I'll never forget how
handsome you looked in it.

Ah. That's so sweet of you,
Princess...

..UT it was the past.
I've grown. I've changed.

As have you. Which means...

I've made a horrible mistake
with that bedroom of yours.

- Can you ever forgive me?
- Of course I can.

Will you stop that?
It's creeping me out.

Fine, give me the shirt.

Fine, give me 50,000 tickets.

Where am I gonna get
50,000 tickets?!

What does 50,000 tickets get?

How 'bout a brand-new
20 dollar bill?

How 'bout some
personal space, freak?

OK, fine, a 50.

Forget it. I want
the big tiger.

Everybody wants the big tiger.

No, no! No, you don't!
This is carnival junk!

The stitching is terrible!

It's gonna fall apart
before you take it home.

- Uh... - Cheese and
biscuits, this thing is well made!

Yeah, that's why
it's 50,000 tickets!

Stop it!
You're hurting Hannah!

Hannah, as in Montana?

Yes, weird, as in "doh."

- Keep her here.
- You're going all the way home?

I don't have to. Vacuum-packed
emergency Hannah kit.

After four years of
"I can't, but Hannah can"

- you learn a little something.
- No way.

Yes, way. The guys at the
space shuttle made it for me.

I made 'em a mix CD. Oh!

They also gave me a...
Thanksgiving dinner for eight.

Yeah, right.

Don't worry. I've read that even at 16,
17, you can still have a growth spurt.

- I'm 19.
- You're 19? Wow.

I mean, it wouldn't be so bad

if you didn't have such
an abnormally large head.

Hey! I've got a great idea.

Why don't we go over
to your house

and see if your cousin's
home from modeling

b-b-b-b...

...two piece swim wear.

Doubt it. She's probably
hanging with her dumb boyfriend.

- She has a boyfriend?
- Yeah, he thinks he's all cool

'cause he's a "professional"
football player.

Huh...

You know what I just realized?

- Get out.
- What?

Yeah. Get out of my house!

- Was it something I said?
- It was everything you said!

Starting with "who wants pie"

and ending with
"abnormally large head!"

Hi.

Uh, TJ, I locked myself out of the
house and I need to use your keys.

You're in luck. TJ and
his keys were just leaving.

You've been so sweet to him.

Not like that jerk I just...
broke up with.

- Broke up?
- That's too bad. Let's go.

Whoa, whoa! Where you going,
neighbor cousin buddy?

- Would you just excuse us for one...
? - Yeah, but...

You know that whole...
"Get out" thing?

I was totally kidding!

Test of friendship!
You passed!

- She's a babe, isn't she?
- With a very small window of availability!

I could
really use a hug.

Please don't ruin this for me!

Can I use your hot tub
whenever I want?

Yeah. Just no more
man-made bubbles.

All right.

- Could you still use that hug?
- Yeah.

- C'mon, cuz, let's get
something to eat. - OK.

- Do you want to join us?
- Yes!

I mean... I could eat.

- I want a new room.
- I want the tiger.

- I want a new room.
- I want the tiger! Ha!

Stupid NASA wishbones!

Give me my stinkin' tiger!

- OK, but before I do...

Oh my gosh,
it's Hannah Montana!

- Where?!
- Hello, Malibu Pier!

Good to see ya.

This one's for you, kid!

* Put on your coolest dress and
your hottest pair of shoes *

* C'mon let's go *

* Oh Let's go *

* Get in my car
Turn the radio on up high *

* I said high *

* At the red light
boys trying to get the digits *

* But we say bye *

* B-b-bye *

* 'Cause we're heading
to the club *

* Nothing's gonna stop us now
Let's go *

* Let's go, let's go
Oh *

* Are you ready, are you ready?
Are you ready? Let's go! *

* Are you ready, are you ready?
Are you ready? Let's go! *

* Are you ready, are you *

Yeah!

- Do more!
- I'll sing whatever you want!

For 50,000 tickets.

* Hey, eh
Yeah, yey, yeah *

I don't know what to say.

If you don't like it,
you can tell me.

- I will understand.
- Don't like it? I love it!

You what?

Yep! If this shirt brings back
special memories to you,

- then I'm proud to wear it.
- Uh... I mean, Dad.

Because if you don't like it,

you could tell me.
I'd totally be OK with that.

- She would. Totally OK.
- That's how you raised me.

Raised her right, you did.

You taught me that, you know,
uh... sometimes people do things

out of the kindness of their heart
that some people don't really want...

May not want at all!

Nope, I love it.

Great! Then, let's go celebrate
at a crowded restaurant

where everybody knows ya.
Let's go.

- Uh, right now?
- Yep. Right now.

Unless, for some reason,
you don't wanna wear it.

- Because you hate it.
- No, I don't.

- Yeah, you do.
- No, I don't.

Yeah, you do!
Come on.

If you don't tell me
you hate it right now,

we're gonna walk out
that door, mister!

All right, I hate the shirt.

- And now you realize that...
- I really hate the shirt?

No!
Miley hates her bedroom!

When she said she wanted to wrap
it up and ship it out here,

she didn't mean it literally.
We're girls, we say things we don't mean.

Get a clue!

Oh, that was the hardest
thing I've ever had to say...

Mile, why didn't you just tell
me you didn't like your bedroom?

'Cause I didn't want
to hurt your feelings.

You know you can
tell me anything.

I'll always understand, as
long as it's said with love...

- ...and sensitivity.
- Sorry.

I didn't want to
come off ungrateful

because you do so much for me.

And I get the feeling
I'm getting ready to do

- just a little more.
- Please!

So a complete bedroom makeover?

Why not? We can
design it together.

Or... I will design it and
you'll write the check.

Even better.

Ow, that's hot!

Sorry, Joannie. I really
wanted to have your slumber...

- Sleepover!
- ...Sleepover at my house,

but it's gonna
have to wait a couple weeks.

I've never seen Lilly so sick.

Oh, no, Lilly! All over our
amazingly cool bedroom!

Gotta go, Joannie, bye!

You know, you
take out the bunk beds,

you move some things around and you
throw a different color on the walls...

- Ew! - We'd still be
living next to that.

What other choice do we have?

Unless you wanna
go sleep out in the barn.

Well, it smells better than
Jackson's meatball burp,

- but not by much.
- Are you kidding?

After we're done with this
place, it's gonna be rad.

OK, well, I just have one rule.

He's gotta turn around ***

Don't worry, I'll move him
into the other barn.

Because you're a horse,
you live in a barn.

We've been over this.