Hamster & Gretel (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 22 - Over the Hill/The Ice Queen Cometh - full transcript
When Gretel and Bailey follow reporter Veronica Hill for career day, they encounter an old foe, Van Dyke, out for revenge; Kevin and Gretel try to beat the heat at the town's newest ice cream parlor.
Ice cream, ice cream,
we're going to get ice cream.
I've come to the conclusion
that ice cream solves
all of life's problems.
Well, I hope so,
because this was
the only thing
keeping me cool.
Ooh, look at this
cool new place.
And it looks popular, too.
Look at all these guys
lining up like cattle
just because they made it look
all trendy and exclusive.
Well, we are going
to our old ice cream shop.
Yeah, and she's
already in line.
Are you cool enough
for Ice Queen Ice cream?
Inga will decide.
Whoa! She's wearing
a jacket in this heat.
She must be cool.
You're in. You're not!
Love your face.
Hate your aglets.
(SIGHS)
You're obviously
just two people
wearing a horse costume.
(CHUCKLES)
A class act!
Go right ahead.
No. No. Definitely not.
Two scoops of chocolate,
please, and uh...
I don't think so,
little girl.
Your look is very cute...
Ooh...
In a bad way!
Come back
when you find some edge.
Next!
But isn't this
an ice cream parlor?
(SIGHS) Ice Queen
Ice cream
is not just
an ice cream parlor,
it's a lifestyle.
(SIGHS) Whatever.
Let's just blow this joint, Gretel.
Using coolness
as a measure of self-worth
is a deeply flawed and totally
subjective concept.
INGA: Wait.
Your hatred of coolness
is intrinsically cool.
You can go in!
BOTH: We can?
Not you, edgeless girl,
only him.
Follow me!
So, uh...
do you want me
to get you something?
Wow.
Not so deeply flawed
and totally subjective
now, huh?
(CELL PHONE VIBRATES)
(SIGHS)
Looks like we've got
bigger problems anyway.
Pendulum Pete is attacking
a digital clock store.
We'll be right back.
I'll get you both
some kind of protected flavor.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(CLOCK BEEPS)
(PETE LAUGHS)
You'll never defeat
Pendulum Pete.
I'm just an innocent
shop owner
sharing my passion
for digital time telling.
Please, stop.
A clock is not a clock
without a pendulum.
Why do you have
such a specific
axe to grind?
Why?
Let me give you a hand.
Ow. Ow!
Clock freak punch!
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(GROANING)
(CLOCK CHIMES)
Oh, he's right.
That is better.
As you can see,
Ice Queen Ice cream
is highly exclusive.
But you, um... Kevin.
...Keveen,
will fit right in.
I will?
Yeah.
Go pose for a photo
buy the mega-cone.
No being funny!
Uh, sorry.
And no smiling!
(CAMERA CLICKS)
Ooh, that's perfect.
Very cool.
Over here
is the flavor showcase.
Oh, cool! Actually...
Oh, no!
That's just for show.
The ice cream is here
to see and be seen,
just like everyone else.
Right. Could I actually
get some ice cream?
I promised my little sister.
I... I'll take your
most pretentious version
of chocolate.
Come with me, Keveen.
For you I've got
a special flavor
in the VIP room.
A VIP?
Never in my wildest dreams.
This is my special
extra cool secret recipe.
Many have thought
that they were cool enough
to handle it,
but they were wrong.
Are you cool enough, Keveen?
Cool is my middle name.
Actually, I don't
have a middle name.
See, my parents thought that
with a hyphenated last name...
Just taste the ice cream!
(SLURPS)
Huh! That is pretty cool.
I feel cooler already.
(CRACKLING) Wait. No!
That's... That's just cold.
What? Oh, no!
(SCREAMS)
Ah!
(KEVIN SCREAMS)
Don't worry, Keveen.
In a moment,
you'll fit right in.
(EVIL LAUGH)
Gretel. Gretel!
Next time, Pete,
I hope you deal
with your bizarre
digital clock issues
in a healthier way.
Like complaining
into the void of the Internet
like a normal person.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
It's Kevin. Did you get
our pretentious ice cream?
KEVIN: Gretel!
The ice cream? It's freezing.
Well, it is...
No, Gretel.
Inga is turning people into...
Hmm. It's weird
that he stopped talking
in the middle of a sentence.
Maybe we should
head back over there.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
GRETEL: Ugh.
That line is too long.
I have an idea.
I thought you were
gonna say,
"Let's just cut the line
'cause we're superheroes."
But, yeah, crawling
through vents is fun, too.
This place is awesome!
(BOTH SCREAM)
INGA: And, Keveen,
you will look great
right here.
KEVIN: Let me out of here.
It's freezing.
(GASPS)
Oh, my curated
Kul Kru is complete.
Out of all the people
in this lousy town,
I have decided that
you're all the coolest.
Now, look cool.
(CAMERA CLICKS)
Perfect.
This will be
my new profile pic.
Psst. Kevin, it's me.
(MUMBLING)
You've got to do something,
she's freezing everyone
with the ice cream.
I can fix that.
Uh-oh, my heat vision
isn't working.
INGA: Who's back there?
We are.
Hamster and Gretel?
And we're going to put a stop
to your evil freezing scheme.
I must insist
you try my ice cream.
You'll love it.
(GASPS)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
Why are you freezing everyone?
(CHUCKLES) I thought
you'd never ask.
Allow me to explain
via techno theme song.
(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh, brother.
Totally my fault,
I asked.
♪ Grew up poor
In Switzerland ♪
♪ On a dairy farm
Learned discipline ♪
♪ Milking cows
Churning butter ♪
♪ Had to escape
One way or another ♪
♪ The cool kids
Always teased and taunted ♪
♪ But all I ever
Really wanted ♪
♪ Was to be one of them
And not one of me ♪
♪ So I vowed to my cows
That one day I would be ♪
♪ The Ice Queen ♪
♪ She's the Ice Queen ♪
♪ I scream, you scream ♪
♪ We all scream
For the Ice Queen ♪
♪ I'm the Ice Queen
I'm the one who chooses ♪
♪ Who stays, who goes
Who wins, who loses ♪
♪ Now I'm the center
Of all the trends ♪
♪ 'Cause I've
Surrounded myself ♪
♪ With frozen friends ♪
♪ Now I'll never
Have to be alone ♪
♪ Chilling like a villain
In the Arctic zone ♪
♪ So come on in
But put on a sweater ♪
♪ 'Cause cool is cold ♪
♪ 'Cause cool is cold
Cool is cold ♪
♪ But frozen is better ♪
♪ Frozen is better ♪
And there you have it.
Now that I have the power
to decide who's cooler,
I can keep them
that way forever.
I think maybe you're
taking this cool thing
a little too literally.
Now open wide.
GRETEL: Wait!
Move, Gretel!
(GROANS)
GRETEL: (SCREAMS)
(SCREAMS)
Ah! Gretel!
Ooh.
(BREATHES RAPIDLY)
Whoa!
KEVIN: I know.
I can't believe
I didn't fall over.
GRETEL: Look at that.
Uh-huh.
A little help here.
What do you think it is?
INGA: I see you found
the source of my coolness.
Eiysze.
Ice?
No, not ice.
Eiysze.
Are we missing something?
(SIGHS) My secret recipe
contains Eiysze,
a special mineral compound
I excavated myself.
It looks like ice,
it freezes like ice,
but, honey, it ain't ice.
It's Eiysze!
And here's the brain
freeze for you.
My Eiysze is now
quantumly entangled
through all my customers.
And as long as it stays
frozen in this vat,
they stay frozen.
That's it! Gretel,
remember, heat wave.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, Ice Queen...
what do you say
we take this fight outside?
(GROANS) Come on,
Mr. Sun, do your thing.
Hamster, help me out.
Nice try, Half Pint.
The Eiysze compound
is specifically formulated
so that nothing on Earth
can melt it.
So, for the last time...
open wide!
Remember, Hamster,
whatever you do,
don't get hit.
I know.
Hamster, no!
It's quite refreshing, really.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(GRUNTS)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
Ow!
That's it.
Now, give up, little girl.
Never!
(STRAINING)
Ha! You missed.
Now, I scream, you scream,
we all scream for ice cream!
(SCREAMS)
Oh, no.
Too bad you threw away
the Eiysze.
Melting that would have been
the only way to save you.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(THUDS)
(POPPING)
What the...
(ALL GASP)
Whoa!
Yeah, baby.
(SCOFFS)
What smells like wet hamster?
(SNIFFS) Oh! Me.
(SIGHS)
How is this possible?
Nice try, lady,
but you said it yourself,
nothing on Earth could melt
your special formula.
Luckily, I remembered
that in space,
there's a big,
flaming hot ball of gas
called the Sun.
Now you've got edge.
Yay. I'm edgy.
And now you've lost it.
INGA: (SCREAMS)
Okay, you've got it back.
Ooh. Ow.
(SIRENS WAILING)
So, can we go in now?
(MUSIC PLAYING)
No!
I am cool. I am...
First that clock freak,
now you. Sheesh.
Well, it's been a weird day,
but thanks for
thawing me out, Little G.
Sure thing.
I'd rather have my Kevin
than a cool Kevin, any day.
(SIGHS) Well, that sweet
backhanded compliment
just earned you
some ice cream.
I'm so over ice cream.
Let's get some
hot soup instead.
Yeah, I can go for a chowder.
I heard there's
a new soup place
somewhere around here.
Are you hot enough
for hot soup?
Helga will decide.
(SIGHS)
This town, man.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
♪ Hamster and Gretel ♪
♪ It's Hamster ♪
♪ Hamster and Gretel ♪
we're going to get ice cream.
I've come to the conclusion
that ice cream solves
all of life's problems.
Well, I hope so,
because this was
the only thing
keeping me cool.
Ooh, look at this
cool new place.
And it looks popular, too.
Look at all these guys
lining up like cattle
just because they made it look
all trendy and exclusive.
Well, we are going
to our old ice cream shop.
Yeah, and she's
already in line.
Are you cool enough
for Ice Queen Ice cream?
Inga will decide.
Whoa! She's wearing
a jacket in this heat.
She must be cool.
You're in. You're not!
Love your face.
Hate your aglets.
(SIGHS)
You're obviously
just two people
wearing a horse costume.
(CHUCKLES)
A class act!
Go right ahead.
No. No. Definitely not.
Two scoops of chocolate,
please, and uh...
I don't think so,
little girl.
Your look is very cute...
Ooh...
In a bad way!
Come back
when you find some edge.
Next!
But isn't this
an ice cream parlor?
(SIGHS) Ice Queen
Ice cream
is not just
an ice cream parlor,
it's a lifestyle.
(SIGHS) Whatever.
Let's just blow this joint, Gretel.
Using coolness
as a measure of self-worth
is a deeply flawed and totally
subjective concept.
INGA: Wait.
Your hatred of coolness
is intrinsically cool.
You can go in!
BOTH: We can?
Not you, edgeless girl,
only him.
Follow me!
So, uh...
do you want me
to get you something?
Wow.
Not so deeply flawed
and totally subjective
now, huh?
(CELL PHONE VIBRATES)
(SIGHS)
Looks like we've got
bigger problems anyway.
Pendulum Pete is attacking
a digital clock store.
We'll be right back.
I'll get you both
some kind of protected flavor.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(CLOCK BEEPS)
(PETE LAUGHS)
You'll never defeat
Pendulum Pete.
I'm just an innocent
shop owner
sharing my passion
for digital time telling.
Please, stop.
A clock is not a clock
without a pendulum.
Why do you have
such a specific
axe to grind?
Why?
Let me give you a hand.
Ow. Ow!
Clock freak punch!
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(GROANING)
(CLOCK CHIMES)
Oh, he's right.
That is better.
As you can see,
Ice Queen Ice cream
is highly exclusive.
But you, um... Kevin.
...Keveen,
will fit right in.
I will?
Yeah.
Go pose for a photo
buy the mega-cone.
No being funny!
Uh, sorry.
And no smiling!
(CAMERA CLICKS)
Ooh, that's perfect.
Very cool.
Over here
is the flavor showcase.
Oh, cool! Actually...
Oh, no!
That's just for show.
The ice cream is here
to see and be seen,
just like everyone else.
Right. Could I actually
get some ice cream?
I promised my little sister.
I... I'll take your
most pretentious version
of chocolate.
Come with me, Keveen.
For you I've got
a special flavor
in the VIP room.
A VIP?
Never in my wildest dreams.
This is my special
extra cool secret recipe.
Many have thought
that they were cool enough
to handle it,
but they were wrong.
Are you cool enough, Keveen?
Cool is my middle name.
Actually, I don't
have a middle name.
See, my parents thought that
with a hyphenated last name...
Just taste the ice cream!
(SLURPS)
Huh! That is pretty cool.
I feel cooler already.
(CRACKLING) Wait. No!
That's... That's just cold.
What? Oh, no!
(SCREAMS)
Ah!
(KEVIN SCREAMS)
Don't worry, Keveen.
In a moment,
you'll fit right in.
(EVIL LAUGH)
Gretel. Gretel!
Next time, Pete,
I hope you deal
with your bizarre
digital clock issues
in a healthier way.
Like complaining
into the void of the Internet
like a normal person.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
It's Kevin. Did you get
our pretentious ice cream?
KEVIN: Gretel!
The ice cream? It's freezing.
Well, it is...
No, Gretel.
Inga is turning people into...
Hmm. It's weird
that he stopped talking
in the middle of a sentence.
Maybe we should
head back over there.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
GRETEL: Ugh.
That line is too long.
I have an idea.
I thought you were
gonna say,
"Let's just cut the line
'cause we're superheroes."
But, yeah, crawling
through vents is fun, too.
This place is awesome!
(BOTH SCREAM)
INGA: And, Keveen,
you will look great
right here.
KEVIN: Let me out of here.
It's freezing.
(GASPS)
Oh, my curated
Kul Kru is complete.
Out of all the people
in this lousy town,
I have decided that
you're all the coolest.
Now, look cool.
(CAMERA CLICKS)
Perfect.
This will be
my new profile pic.
Psst. Kevin, it's me.
(MUMBLING)
You've got to do something,
she's freezing everyone
with the ice cream.
I can fix that.
Uh-oh, my heat vision
isn't working.
INGA: Who's back there?
We are.
Hamster and Gretel?
And we're going to put a stop
to your evil freezing scheme.
I must insist
you try my ice cream.
You'll love it.
(GASPS)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
Why are you freezing everyone?
(CHUCKLES) I thought
you'd never ask.
Allow me to explain
via techno theme song.
(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh, brother.
Totally my fault,
I asked.
♪ Grew up poor
In Switzerland ♪
♪ On a dairy farm
Learned discipline ♪
♪ Milking cows
Churning butter ♪
♪ Had to escape
One way or another ♪
♪ The cool kids
Always teased and taunted ♪
♪ But all I ever
Really wanted ♪
♪ Was to be one of them
And not one of me ♪
♪ So I vowed to my cows
That one day I would be ♪
♪ The Ice Queen ♪
♪ She's the Ice Queen ♪
♪ I scream, you scream ♪
♪ We all scream
For the Ice Queen ♪
♪ I'm the Ice Queen
I'm the one who chooses ♪
♪ Who stays, who goes
Who wins, who loses ♪
♪ Now I'm the center
Of all the trends ♪
♪ 'Cause I've
Surrounded myself ♪
♪ With frozen friends ♪
♪ Now I'll never
Have to be alone ♪
♪ Chilling like a villain
In the Arctic zone ♪
♪ So come on in
But put on a sweater ♪
♪ 'Cause cool is cold ♪
♪ 'Cause cool is cold
Cool is cold ♪
♪ But frozen is better ♪
♪ Frozen is better ♪
And there you have it.
Now that I have the power
to decide who's cooler,
I can keep them
that way forever.
I think maybe you're
taking this cool thing
a little too literally.
Now open wide.
GRETEL: Wait!
Move, Gretel!
(GROANS)
GRETEL: (SCREAMS)
(SCREAMS)
Ah! Gretel!
Ooh.
(BREATHES RAPIDLY)
Whoa!
KEVIN: I know.
I can't believe
I didn't fall over.
GRETEL: Look at that.
Uh-huh.
A little help here.
What do you think it is?
INGA: I see you found
the source of my coolness.
Eiysze.
Ice?
No, not ice.
Eiysze.
Are we missing something?
(SIGHS) My secret recipe
contains Eiysze,
a special mineral compound
I excavated myself.
It looks like ice,
it freezes like ice,
but, honey, it ain't ice.
It's Eiysze!
And here's the brain
freeze for you.
My Eiysze is now
quantumly entangled
through all my customers.
And as long as it stays
frozen in this vat,
they stay frozen.
That's it! Gretel,
remember, heat wave.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, Ice Queen...
what do you say
we take this fight outside?
(GROANS) Come on,
Mr. Sun, do your thing.
Hamster, help me out.
Nice try, Half Pint.
The Eiysze compound
is specifically formulated
so that nothing on Earth
can melt it.
So, for the last time...
open wide!
Remember, Hamster,
whatever you do,
don't get hit.
I know.
Hamster, no!
It's quite refreshing, really.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(GRUNTS)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
Ow!
That's it.
Now, give up, little girl.
Never!
(STRAINING)
Ha! You missed.
Now, I scream, you scream,
we all scream for ice cream!
(SCREAMS)
Oh, no.
Too bad you threw away
the Eiysze.
Melting that would have been
the only way to save you.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(THUDS)
(POPPING)
What the...
(ALL GASP)
Whoa!
Yeah, baby.
(SCOFFS)
What smells like wet hamster?
(SNIFFS) Oh! Me.
(SIGHS)
How is this possible?
Nice try, lady,
but you said it yourself,
nothing on Earth could melt
your special formula.
Luckily, I remembered
that in space,
there's a big,
flaming hot ball of gas
called the Sun.
Now you've got edge.
Yay. I'm edgy.
And now you've lost it.
INGA: (SCREAMS)
Okay, you've got it back.
Ooh. Ow.
(SIRENS WAILING)
So, can we go in now?
(MUSIC PLAYING)
No!
I am cool. I am...
First that clock freak,
now you. Sheesh.
Well, it's been a weird day,
but thanks for
thawing me out, Little G.
Sure thing.
I'd rather have my Kevin
than a cool Kevin, any day.
(SIGHS) Well, that sweet
backhanded compliment
just earned you
some ice cream.
I'm so over ice cream.
Let's get some
hot soup instead.
Yeah, I can go for a chowder.
I heard there's
a new soup place
somewhere around here.
Are you hot enough
for hot soup?
Helga will decide.
(SIGHS)
This town, man.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
♪ Hamster and Gretel ♪
♪ It's Hamster ♪
♪ Hamster and Gretel ♪