Halfway Across the Galaxy and Turn Left (1993–…): Season 1, Episode 16 - The Root of All Evil - full transcript
The electricity got whirring.
It was never like that before they came.
I need you to find me a place to hide.
Dovis had some idiotic idea about becoming a "ballet dancer".
The rubot was now completely unruly.
I thought the boss wanted to re-clone it so Dad would dump it.
The dance teacher called Dovis's dancing style exotic. Yeah, you could say that.
What was worse, she wanted to tell David everything.
One good thing: No one saw Lox land.
Look, it's Lox!
Father couldn't welcome Lox.
He got rid of the rubot.
I shouldn't be doing this. If X finds out, we'll both go in the river.
They don't understand that if anyone finds out we're from space, it's the end.
Father is the most irresponsible.
One mistake, and the Froggatts strike immediately.
-Hey, are you all right?
-Look what we have today.
-Bargain, ten bucks a dozen.
-So buy lemons now.
Lemons? Lemons?
-Yes... lemons.
-May I try?
Sharp!
Who are you?
What's up with the broom?
-I'm Lox. This is my space suit.
-Space suit?
-You weren't allowed to open.
-I know.
Charlotte Jackson, who's that guy?
Lox is a family friend from Peru.
-Something you wanted?
-Selling lemons.
I could use some atrus.
-How much are they?
-Ten crowns a dozen.
I seem to be a little short of cash.
I like the hard bits best.
Sounds like that fool in the silver suit.
-He said "space suit".
-Space?
He ate lemon with the seeds.
-Are you sure?
-Froggatt's honor!
They're broke. Couldn't even afford ten bucks worth of lemons.
-We don't want neighbours like that.
-I agree.
Be on your guard. Whatever they do, they'll soon make a mistake.
The Association will act.
Colin, this is Lox.
A friend from Zyrgon.
-Greetings.
-Hey, nice suit.
Did you hear that, X?
-Let's go work out, then.
-Can't.
Lox is gonna be enough trouble while I'm here.
-Colin's not busy.
-What?
-Cool, Colin.
-What's cool?
Lox, get yourself some earthly clothes before someone else sees you.
Nothing suspicious, nothing weird!
Watch out, he's worse than the rubot.
-Father, where did you put the rubot?
-Where we decided.
-Where was it?
-In the river.
Well, that's one less thing to worry about.
Maybe I misjudged him.
He seems to have ruined the rubot.
I mustn't be so suspicious from now on.
If X hears you, we'll both end up in the water. Shut up, you!
You're so alive! You shouldn't be alive at all.
Calm down, here you go.
Please, calm down.
-What about this one?
-It doesn't sparkle.
-This one?
-Where are the sequins?
-Mr. Jackson?
-My name is George.
I'm George. Have you heard of the Nearly Disappeared Letter Division?
That's where badly addressed letters go.
Look at the address on this...
"The Jackson family. The Blue Planet." It doesn't get any worse than that!
Here it is...
As soon as you pay the 2.50 postage.
Two and fifty?
-Is that from Zyrgon?
-Yes, it is.
I have to go. The mail has to go out.
"Dear Housekeeper... Greenhouse marketing...Exciting catalogue"
No, no, no, no! I just spent my life savings on advertising!
Typical, traveling halfway across the galaxy, fooling the government and the boss...
but you can't get away from advertising.
A free sample is actually included: "Free copy of our latest hit."
"The Eternal Money Tree"
Have you seen it? A money tree.
A money tree!
Lemon eaters in silver suits.
They should leave honest people alone.
Father, if you'd just calm down.
You're all your own.
We can't afford indifference.
Not with bohemians for neighbors.
You're so neurotic.
Do you feel the same way about strategic flying?
What?
The 8-52 plan said: "The price of freedom is vigilance."
Linear timer system... Right.
Leak-free irrigation... clear.
All functions...on!
We have a greenhouse!
Let's see. "Fertilize with desired currency".
Okay, the plant.
Do your thing.
Now it's starting to look like something!
Who's that? What's he doing?
He's a cowboy.
Haven't you ever seen one of those?
Can I dress like that?
Of course you can't.
But they're from this planet?
Yes, but not this time.
They haven't been around for a hundred years.
But they're in the movie thingy here, right?
Yes, but it's not reality.
It's fake.
So this is real?
Yeah, it's real.
-But it's not as cool?
-But... Lox!
Mother, I have...
-I know what I want to wear.
-That's funny.
I want to look like him.
Nothing suspicious, nothing strange...
It's David. I'm not home.
I want to see Astrella.
Is she here?
She doesn't want to see you on any terms.
I shouldn't have kissed her, she's avoiding me now.
-What do you want me to do?
-She just needs some time.
She's upset, but she really likes you.
Come back tomorrow, when she's calmed down and...
...if the moment is right, she'll probably give in.
What's the right time?
Yeah, just stay out of her way first.
Then when she calms down...
you'll totally surprise her!
Yes!
A thousand wonderful, tax-free crowns.
George, you're the first one here with your own subatomic resonator.
For my sake, I hope you're the last.
Qwrk, where did that come from?
How could you afford it?
-Well, I...
-Did you steal it?
Not at all, I...
Did you use solar power?
Or credit cards?
-No, X! Calm down, man.
-How did this happen?
I want an explanation.
-I've been saving.
-You did?
What did you think?
Money doesn't grow on trees.
What's going on?
All these deliveries.
Weren't they broke?
-Panka, I said.
-Let me see!
They have money to spend now.
They must be from March!
-Good idea, but it's about crime.
-What?
They pretend to be from outer space, but they're criminals.
-We have to do something.
-Yeah, what's in the packages?
What packages? Let's see.
No, no, no, no. What's the deal?
Do you remember the flying honor?
"Information is the mainstay of any plan."
If we have that, we know what to expect.
Good luck, Michelle.
I'm going there.
Mr. Fraggatt, what an unexpected visit.
Yes, I thought it was high time to welcome you to Bellwood. Here.
Thank you.
"Froggatt's Coke Surprise"
Neighborly relations are important.
"Use before August 1989."
It's just a technicality.
How do you like it here?
It's fantastic, a wonderful planet...
I mean... suburbia.
Is that guy in the silver clothes a relative?
Lox? No, an old friend from Peru.
Hecla, the one Michelle met in an old fur coat.
-She went to Peru?
-Yes, she has.
They have funny taste there.
I guess it's the Incan influence.
Do you have any other visitors?
-No, no, no, no.
-Astrella, is this a bad time?
-We have to sort this out.
-David, don't touch me!
-We have to talk.
-No.
You're not kissing me! Daddy! Daddy!
I'm just gonna...
Hold it right there, partner!
A fox in the henhouse, indeed!
They have guns!
And someone trapped in the closet.
Sure, I know what they're up to!
Clive, you're neurotic.
They're crooks. Look!
"Penga courier missing in Bellwood".
Don't you get it? One: Money courier disappears, Jacksons get rich.
Two: Guys with guns show up.
Three: Person in closet.
Don't you understand what's happened?
The money comes from the courier who's being held hostage. We have to act.
Clive, there's an explanation.
A silver-clad, lemon-eating cowboy?
You can't just run over there with those iron clubs and arrest them.
-You could be wrong.
-I could be right.
Then you'll get shot. That's typical.
You're going to run off with some idiotic idea and leave me a widow?
You're only thinking of yourself.
When law and order is at stake, it's my duty...
-Where's Michelle?
-She said something about flying honor.
She's right there. I'm calling the police!
No, let me do it.
Yeah, an oscilloscope with a cathode ray...
No, take two with a high-voltage toroidal transformer.
Yes, when is it coming?
Holy cow!
Astrella, I have to talk to you!
Don't run away. Don't move.
No, I'm only going once.
We are mature poets and we must speak.
As a poet, you should understand.
I'm trying.
I know that kiss was wrong...
I said I'm sorry, and it won't happen again.
From now on, our relationship is entirely poetic.
You don't seem to understand that I don't want to see you anymore. End of story.
Keep him away.
All I see are two lips chasing me
What a delivery, George.
What's in them? Cement?
Wait, there's four more.
Everything I need in my own subatomic acceleration lab.
And 100 litres of ice cream...
...to get you through the day.
That's 70,395.50...
Plus postage and shipping...
Shall we say 74,000?
No problem. I'll be right back.
No, don't die on me! Plant!
-Froggat. What are you doing here?
-Walking.
Wait a minute. What are you doing?
-What am I doing? You're the one with the money tree.
-Money tree?
-Like you didn't know?
-Did you say money tree?
Nice try. I'm out of here.
Money tree... Money!
-George, are you in trouble?
-No, I'm not in trouble.
Don't move. This is a raid.
Froggatt, I'll ask the questions here.
Now, hold still. This is a raid.
We've been informed that you have stolen a large amount of money...
and that you are holding the courier hostage.
-Check the closet.
-What?
What closet?
-What's going on here?
-There's trouble here.
There! That pounding sound.
If that closet contains what I think it does, you'll be in there a long time.
That's nice. Where is it?
-Who are you?
-Her boyfriend.
No, he's lying.
-Wait, what's your name and what do you do?
-David Carruthers, poet.
-Do you have proof?
-A volume of sonnets...
-Of who you are!
-He's David Carruthers.
-He's David Carruthers.
-You can't go wrong with the lips.
I apologize for the inconvenience.
Our information was incorrect.
Froggatt, have you bothered the police enough for one day?
Do us all a favor and get out of here before I get really mad.
Arrest those aliens!
They have a money tree in the house.
I saw it.
Here's a hundred bucks to prove it.
Shut up. Come on!
Dad, I have proof.
Michelle, this is your fault.
Just wait till we get home...
Excuse me... I think it's the potatoes.
Be good.
There's 90 more gallons melting.
I don't know how you can afford it.
I can't afford it.
I'll send it all back.
But the ice cream is different.
I'm going to hand out magazines.
When did you pay off the debt?
In four months, three and a half days, not including the Christmas bonus.
And that's okay?
It'll be tough, but I don't want to be rich.
It was never like that before they came.
I need you to find me a place to hide.
Dovis had some idiotic idea about becoming a "ballet dancer".
The rubot was now completely unruly.
I thought the boss wanted to re-clone it so Dad would dump it.
The dance teacher called Dovis's dancing style exotic. Yeah, you could say that.
What was worse, she wanted to tell David everything.
One good thing: No one saw Lox land.
Look, it's Lox!
Father couldn't welcome Lox.
He got rid of the rubot.
I shouldn't be doing this. If X finds out, we'll both go in the river.
They don't understand that if anyone finds out we're from space, it's the end.
Father is the most irresponsible.
One mistake, and the Froggatts strike immediately.
-Hey, are you all right?
-Look what we have today.
-Bargain, ten bucks a dozen.
-So buy lemons now.
Lemons? Lemons?
-Yes... lemons.
-May I try?
Sharp!
Who are you?
What's up with the broom?
-I'm Lox. This is my space suit.
-Space suit?
-You weren't allowed to open.
-I know.
Charlotte Jackson, who's that guy?
Lox is a family friend from Peru.
-Something you wanted?
-Selling lemons.
I could use some atrus.
-How much are they?
-Ten crowns a dozen.
I seem to be a little short of cash.
I like the hard bits best.
Sounds like that fool in the silver suit.
-He said "space suit".
-Space?
He ate lemon with the seeds.
-Are you sure?
-Froggatt's honor!
They're broke. Couldn't even afford ten bucks worth of lemons.
-We don't want neighbours like that.
-I agree.
Be on your guard. Whatever they do, they'll soon make a mistake.
The Association will act.
Colin, this is Lox.
A friend from Zyrgon.
-Greetings.
-Hey, nice suit.
Did you hear that, X?
-Let's go work out, then.
-Can't.
Lox is gonna be enough trouble while I'm here.
-Colin's not busy.
-What?
-Cool, Colin.
-What's cool?
Lox, get yourself some earthly clothes before someone else sees you.
Nothing suspicious, nothing weird!
Watch out, he's worse than the rubot.
-Father, where did you put the rubot?
-Where we decided.
-Where was it?
-In the river.
Well, that's one less thing to worry about.
Maybe I misjudged him.
He seems to have ruined the rubot.
I mustn't be so suspicious from now on.
If X hears you, we'll both end up in the water. Shut up, you!
You're so alive! You shouldn't be alive at all.
Calm down, here you go.
Please, calm down.
-What about this one?
-It doesn't sparkle.
-This one?
-Where are the sequins?
-Mr. Jackson?
-My name is George.
I'm George. Have you heard of the Nearly Disappeared Letter Division?
That's where badly addressed letters go.
Look at the address on this...
"The Jackson family. The Blue Planet." It doesn't get any worse than that!
Here it is...
As soon as you pay the 2.50 postage.
Two and fifty?
-Is that from Zyrgon?
-Yes, it is.
I have to go. The mail has to go out.
"Dear Housekeeper... Greenhouse marketing...Exciting catalogue"
No, no, no, no! I just spent my life savings on advertising!
Typical, traveling halfway across the galaxy, fooling the government and the boss...
but you can't get away from advertising.
A free sample is actually included: "Free copy of our latest hit."
"The Eternal Money Tree"
Have you seen it? A money tree.
A money tree!
Lemon eaters in silver suits.
They should leave honest people alone.
Father, if you'd just calm down.
You're all your own.
We can't afford indifference.
Not with bohemians for neighbors.
You're so neurotic.
Do you feel the same way about strategic flying?
What?
The 8-52 plan said: "The price of freedom is vigilance."
Linear timer system... Right.
Leak-free irrigation... clear.
All functions...on!
We have a greenhouse!
Let's see. "Fertilize with desired currency".
Okay, the plant.
Do your thing.
Now it's starting to look like something!
Who's that? What's he doing?
He's a cowboy.
Haven't you ever seen one of those?
Can I dress like that?
Of course you can't.
But they're from this planet?
Yes, but not this time.
They haven't been around for a hundred years.
But they're in the movie thingy here, right?
Yes, but it's not reality.
It's fake.
So this is real?
Yeah, it's real.
-But it's not as cool?
-But... Lox!
Mother, I have...
-I know what I want to wear.
-That's funny.
I want to look like him.
Nothing suspicious, nothing strange...
It's David. I'm not home.
I want to see Astrella.
Is she here?
She doesn't want to see you on any terms.
I shouldn't have kissed her, she's avoiding me now.
-What do you want me to do?
-She just needs some time.
She's upset, but she really likes you.
Come back tomorrow, when she's calmed down and...
...if the moment is right, she'll probably give in.
What's the right time?
Yeah, just stay out of her way first.
Then when she calms down...
you'll totally surprise her!
Yes!
A thousand wonderful, tax-free crowns.
George, you're the first one here with your own subatomic resonator.
For my sake, I hope you're the last.
Qwrk, where did that come from?
How could you afford it?
-Well, I...
-Did you steal it?
Not at all, I...
Did you use solar power?
Or credit cards?
-No, X! Calm down, man.
-How did this happen?
I want an explanation.
-I've been saving.
-You did?
What did you think?
Money doesn't grow on trees.
What's going on?
All these deliveries.
Weren't they broke?
-Panka, I said.
-Let me see!
They have money to spend now.
They must be from March!
-Good idea, but it's about crime.
-What?
They pretend to be from outer space, but they're criminals.
-We have to do something.
-Yeah, what's in the packages?
What packages? Let's see.
No, no, no, no. What's the deal?
Do you remember the flying honor?
"Information is the mainstay of any plan."
If we have that, we know what to expect.
Good luck, Michelle.
I'm going there.
Mr. Fraggatt, what an unexpected visit.
Yes, I thought it was high time to welcome you to Bellwood. Here.
Thank you.
"Froggatt's Coke Surprise"
Neighborly relations are important.
"Use before August 1989."
It's just a technicality.
How do you like it here?
It's fantastic, a wonderful planet...
I mean... suburbia.
Is that guy in the silver clothes a relative?
Lox? No, an old friend from Peru.
Hecla, the one Michelle met in an old fur coat.
-She went to Peru?
-Yes, she has.
They have funny taste there.
I guess it's the Incan influence.
Do you have any other visitors?
-No, no, no, no.
-Astrella, is this a bad time?
-We have to sort this out.
-David, don't touch me!
-We have to talk.
-No.
You're not kissing me! Daddy! Daddy!
I'm just gonna...
Hold it right there, partner!
A fox in the henhouse, indeed!
They have guns!
And someone trapped in the closet.
Sure, I know what they're up to!
Clive, you're neurotic.
They're crooks. Look!
"Penga courier missing in Bellwood".
Don't you get it? One: Money courier disappears, Jacksons get rich.
Two: Guys with guns show up.
Three: Person in closet.
Don't you understand what's happened?
The money comes from the courier who's being held hostage. We have to act.
Clive, there's an explanation.
A silver-clad, lemon-eating cowboy?
You can't just run over there with those iron clubs and arrest them.
-You could be wrong.
-I could be right.
Then you'll get shot. That's typical.
You're going to run off with some idiotic idea and leave me a widow?
You're only thinking of yourself.
When law and order is at stake, it's my duty...
-Where's Michelle?
-She said something about flying honor.
She's right there. I'm calling the police!
No, let me do it.
Yeah, an oscilloscope with a cathode ray...
No, take two with a high-voltage toroidal transformer.
Yes, when is it coming?
Holy cow!
Astrella, I have to talk to you!
Don't run away. Don't move.
No, I'm only going once.
We are mature poets and we must speak.
As a poet, you should understand.
I'm trying.
I know that kiss was wrong...
I said I'm sorry, and it won't happen again.
From now on, our relationship is entirely poetic.
You don't seem to understand that I don't want to see you anymore. End of story.
Keep him away.
All I see are two lips chasing me
What a delivery, George.
What's in them? Cement?
Wait, there's four more.
Everything I need in my own subatomic acceleration lab.
And 100 litres of ice cream...
...to get you through the day.
That's 70,395.50...
Plus postage and shipping...
Shall we say 74,000?
No problem. I'll be right back.
No, don't die on me! Plant!
-Froggat. What are you doing here?
-Walking.
Wait a minute. What are you doing?
-What am I doing? You're the one with the money tree.
-Money tree?
-Like you didn't know?
-Did you say money tree?
Nice try. I'm out of here.
Money tree... Money!
-George, are you in trouble?
-No, I'm not in trouble.
Don't move. This is a raid.
Froggatt, I'll ask the questions here.
Now, hold still. This is a raid.
We've been informed that you have stolen a large amount of money...
and that you are holding the courier hostage.
-Check the closet.
-What?
What closet?
-What's going on here?
-There's trouble here.
There! That pounding sound.
If that closet contains what I think it does, you'll be in there a long time.
That's nice. Where is it?
-Who are you?
-Her boyfriend.
No, he's lying.
-Wait, what's your name and what do you do?
-David Carruthers, poet.
-Do you have proof?
-A volume of sonnets...
-Of who you are!
-He's David Carruthers.
-He's David Carruthers.
-You can't go wrong with the lips.
I apologize for the inconvenience.
Our information was incorrect.
Froggatt, have you bothered the police enough for one day?
Do us all a favor and get out of here before I get really mad.
Arrest those aliens!
They have a money tree in the house.
I saw it.
Here's a hundred bucks to prove it.
Shut up. Come on!
Dad, I have proof.
Michelle, this is your fault.
Just wait till we get home...
Excuse me... I think it's the potatoes.
Be good.
There's 90 more gallons melting.
I don't know how you can afford it.
I can't afford it.
I'll send it all back.
But the ice cream is different.
I'm going to hand out magazines.
When did you pay off the debt?
In four months, three and a half days, not including the Christmas bonus.
And that's okay?
It'll be tough, but I don't want to be rich.