Guys with Kids (2012–2013): Season 1, Episode 13 - Me Time - full transcript
Marny is in desperate need of "Me Time".
"Guys with Kids" is taped
in front of a live studio audience.
- Mom's home!
- Mom's home!
Ow, hey!
Welcome to my life.
These guys today.
- Hi, sweetheart.
- Take 'em.
Look, and I'm not talking
to this one
for the rest of the night.
- Oh.
- Mom, did you know there's a--
Boys, boys.
Back up, back up.
Come on,
give your mom some space.
- Oh, thank you, Gary.
- Oh, you're welcome, baby.
So how was your day?
What'd you do?
Tell me about it.
Come on, come on, come on.
What did you have for lunch?
Uh, turkey sandwich?
Oh, a turkey sandwich?
All right.
On what type of bread?
Come on,
don't leave me hanging, woman!
Gary, I just got home.
I'm tired.
Baby, I'm tired too.
And I've been trapped
in here all day.
I need to know what's going on
out in the real world.
Give me details.
- You want details?
- Yes.
I spent five hours
in a windowless conference room
debating whether to put
the title
of a PowerPoint presentation
in all caps or initial caps.
Oh, so what did you decide?
Oh, baby, please,
can I just get a minute?
No, baby, I need
adult conversation.
The only thing I talked to today
was this thing.
You're special.
The positive reinforcement
is great,
but the conversation
doesn't go anywhere.
I like you.
Say it less
and mean it more, Teddy bear.
♪ Life is how you live it
♪ ooh ooh ooh
♪ wake up where you wanna be
♪ hey hey
- ♪ you and me
- ♪ Ooh ooh ooh
- ♪ we're happy
- ♪ Ooh ooh ooh
♪ we need our friends
like the sun ♪
♪ why would you walk
when you can run? ♪
♪ everybody sing it loud
♪ why would you walk
when you can run? ♪
So what's
the big news, Chris?
Cagney's is starting
a trivia night.
Apparently all those cards
we stuffed in the suggestion box
paid off.
The system works.
Let's do it.
Finally, some real competition.
I think we should
pull Violet out of school
so she can quiz us
during the day.
There's
the overly competitive guy
who got into a butterfly drawing
competition with my niece.
She thinks she's so good.
- Hi.
- What are you guys doing?
Oh, nobody move.
If we hold perfectly still,
she might not spray us.
Oh, my God.
Your dog can talk.
Hmm.
Sheila, we are forming
a bar trivia team.
Do you wanna join?
Does kamusta
mean "yes" in tagalog?
No, it means "hello."
That was a trick question.
You need me.
Sheila, I know that Emily
just asked you to join our team,
but I am asking you to take
the temperature of the room,
read between the lines,
and pick up on the general vibe
that I am sending out
right now.
Got it...I'm in.
And I've already figured out
our team name.
"Let's Get Quizzical," huh?
It's a pun on the song by Oli--
Olivia Newton-John,
1981, MCA Records.
Bang. Winner.
I beat you.
Nick, you're on
the same team.
Yeah, I know, but I won.
Hold the elevator!
- Whoa. Oh. Oh.
- Hey.
- You two.
- Hey.
Yes, we'll ride
the elevator with you.
Jeez, Marny, you're so needy.
It's nothing personal, guys.
This one-minute elevator ride
is the only alone time
in my day.
I love my kids.
I love my husband.
But sometimes I see someone
in a coma on a medical show,
and I say,
"I could use some of that."
Mm-hmm.
I totally get it.
I totally get it.
The stay-at-home spouses,
they do not understand.
We go straight
from working at work
to working at home.
It's like,
hey, I need some alone time.
But if I ask Gary
for alone time,
it's gonna hurt his feelings.
Yeah, right, but that's why
you don't ask for alone time.
You have to sneak it.
Dirty little secret
about divorce, guys:
Filled with wonderful
alone time.
Like, lots of alone time,
you know?
Sometimes too much alone time.
Now I'm sad.
Nick, I don't think I could
ever deceive Gary that way.
Sure you can.
Do it.
Maybe I'm just over-tired
and blowing things
out of proportion.
Hey, baby,
the suspense is killing me.
Did you go with all caps
or initial caps, huh?
How long have you
been waiting here?
We watched you get off
the subway from the window.
We always watch you.
Welcome to Cagney's
inaugural Trivia Night.
All right, first question.
Who is the current
prime minister of Canada?
Stephen Harper!
Correct.
I'm outside counsel
for a pharmaceutical company
based in Toronto.
I watch hockey.
Oh!
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle?
Incorrect.
That's a point lost for team
"Let's Get Quizzical."
Good guess, Chris.
Good job!
I know.
No, the thing is,
you don't know.
You made a baby with that.
Colors of the German flag?
Oh, uh, uh, I'm not positive,
but I think it's--
- Black, red, and gold!
- Correct.
Final question of the night.
Name the 1990s pop duo
who lip-synched their way
to the top of the charts.
Ding!
Vanilla Ice!
- No!
- How is that a duo?
Milli Vanilli.
- Correct!
- Oh!
Ugh, that's what I
was thinking.
And the winning team:
"No Quizness
Like Show Quizness."
This was so fun.
- We did so well.
- I know.
Oh, hey, let's go buy
the winning team a drink.
- Oh, good idea.
- Right? Yeah.
Their enthusiasm
is sickening.
I never should have married
a camp counselor.
Gary, are you sure
you can't join our team?
I can't do it, man.
Marny's boss has been making her
stay late recently.
She's working hard.
- Yeah, I'm really proud of her.
- Mom!
Yes, son, that's who
we're talking about, your mom.
Now stay out
of adult conversations.
No, Mom's right there.
What is she doing here?
She told me she was working.
She is working.
Working on those calves.
I'm just trying
to lighten the mood.
I can't believe Marny
lied to me about working late,
then went to the gym.
Doesn't sound like Marny.
I wonder where
she'd get an idea like that.
Women's magazines,
obviously.
Hey, baby.
How was, uh, work?
- Oh, brutal.
- Oh?
Oh, I can see
that they're working you hard.
So hard that you have
sweat on your brow.
Oh.
Well, you know, they were really
cranking the heat at work.
Hmm, I bet.
And I wanted
to get home, baby.
But, you know, it's 6:00 here,
and they're just waking up
in Tokyo.
- Mm-hmm.
- Then Kashegawa calls
and start asking for materials
and, you know--
it actually was through
a translator, Terry--
He knows.
And then I stopped
by the gym to get a run in.
Okay, so we're gonna go.
Yeah, okay.
So...
Let me get this straight.
Instead of coming home...
You went to the gym.
Yes.
Yes, I did.
- Huh.
- But I did it because...
You know, because, uh...
Because I want to look good
for my husband.
Huh.
So why didn't you, uh,
tell...
your husband?
- Because...
- Hmm.
I knew that...
You'd want to go
with me.
And I know how much
you hate the gym.
And I don't want to put
that kind of pressure on you.
Because you...
are a beautiful man.
What are you talking about?
I love the gym.
In fact, why don't we get
a sitter?
And we can go together.
- Together?
- Mm-hmm.
But--but you would do
your thing,
and I would do my thing.
Exactly.
Well, great.
Why wouldn't that work?
♪ Rising up
♪ back on my feet
♪ jogging here
next to Marny ♪
Did you tell Chris and Emily
they're off the trivia team?
No, but I did learn
that Chris thinks true love
is one of the seven wonders
of the world.
We're never going to win
with them on the team,
so sack up
and cut 'em loose.
I guess I could tell them
that I'm working late,
and we can't do trivia
this week.
I don't care
how the sausage is made.
Just get it done.
And you said
this would be awkward.
See?
We can hold hands.
Gary, I'm feeling
a little dehydrated.
Can you get me some
of that cucumber water?
- Oh, sure thing, baby.
- Thank you.
♪ Getting cucumber water
♪ it's the thrill
of the fight, hey ♪
♪ there's a climbing wall
over here ♪
Nick.
- Hey, Marny.
- You got me into this.
Now how do I get out?
Gary's with me at the gym,
talking through all
my alone time.
He got on the back
of my treadmill
and acted like he was trying
to catch me.
Okay, you can go
one of two ways with this.
You can divorce Gary.
Nah. It would take too long
to train somebody new.
Or-- ah!
Fake an injury.
Don't you think that's going
a little far?
No. Do it.
Hey, Marny. Marny. Marny.
Marny. Marny!
- Marny! Marny!
- Yes?
We should come here
three times a week.
- Three?
- Mm-hmm.
Oh.
Oh!
Oh! Oh!
Baby, what's going on?
Baby, you all right?
- My hamstring! Oh!
- Oh!
Ow, ow, I think I pulled it.
- Oh, my God.
What--what can I do to help?
Uh, I'm just gonna go
to the women's locker room
and ice it down.
- Oh, okay.
- Quietly.
- Mm-hmm.
- For, like, half an hour.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, baby, that's a good idea.
Come here. I got you.
I got you. Come on.
Oh! Gary, you're not allowed
in there.
The hell I'm not!
Get out of my way!
My wife is hurt!
Oh, wow.
This is way nicer
than the guys' locker room.
Hey, come look at ours.
All right baby,
time to change
your ice pack.
Oh, no, Gary,
it's okay.
I think two hours of icing
is good.
And I really don't need
the walker.
You know what?
You're right.
I'm gonna get you one of those
motorized old person scooters.
Honey, I feel really guilty
taking all of your time
like this.
Baby, nothing is more
important than your health.
All I need to do is go
to physical therapy
twice a week at night.
By myself.
- Okay.
- I'll be fine.
Don't worry about it.
All right?
I got it under control.
You won't even have to leave
the house.
Ah.
Hey, come on in, Doc.
Who is this?
This is Dr. Wallace Yee.
I hired him
to acupuncture you.
This is all your fault.
Oh, we are gonna crush trivia
now that we no longer have
those albatrosses
around our neck.
What poem is that from?
Rime Of The Ancient Mariner.
Oh, we are so ready.
Knowledge.
Hey, Quizzicals.
You guys ready
to lose again?
Ah.
We're not gonna lose
this time.
In fact, let's make it
more interesting.
How about the losing team
can never show their face
in this bar again?
Bup bup bup bup,
bup bup bup,
bup bup bup bup bup--
hey.
Um, maybe not
that interesting.
I come here
all the time.
If you think we're gonna lose
to these guys,
why am I working with you?
Okay. Yes.
You're right. Yes.
Okay, losing team can't show
their face in here anymore.
Deal. Prepare to go down
like the Lusitania.
That's a--
- British ocean liner, yeah.
The sinking of which precipitated
U.S. involvement in World War I.
Duh.
- Hi.
- Oh, hey.
Glad you guys are here.
Thanks for coming
to look after Marny
while I use the bathroom.
Oh.
I'm not really hurt.
This whole
sneaking alone time thing
has just gotten
out of control.
That's what you get
for listening to Nick.
"Oh, don't worry, Chris.
Bears are more afraid of us
than we are of them."
They are not.
I'm worried Gary might be
on to me.
He's being so nice.
I think he's trying to guilt me
into confessing.
- Hmm.
- All right. Okay, Marny.
I'm running your bath,
and it's almost time
for your ibuprofen
and chocolate milk.
Uh--oh.
Hi, Sheila.
Oh.
- Yeah.
- Hey, Nick.
Okay. I'll see you
when you get home.
Love you too.
Nick's stuck at work.
Said he's gonna be
another 35 minutes.
Huh. That was Sheila,
just calling to say
she was gonna be late
to pick up Ernie--
35 minutes late.
Was there music playing
in the background?
Yeah.
Did it sound like they were
at a bar?
Oh, come on!
They're playing trivia
without us!
The team was my idea,
and they got rid of us?
We're like that guy who was
originally in the Beatles
but got kicked out.
- You know who I'm talking about.
- Yeah, uh--
- Uh--
- Uh, what was his name?
Uh, um, something with the word
"fish" in it.
- Yeah, um--
- Pete Best.
God, we're bad at trivia.
You know what, though?
That's no excuse.
Nick still lied
to both of us.
Hey, never lie
to your spouse.
You always get caught.
Isn't that right, Marny?
So you figured it out.
That is why you've been
doting on me.
What are you talking about?
Figured what out?
And what happened
to your limp?
Oh.
It's still here.
Now you're limping
with the other leg!
Ma--Marny, what's going on?
Uh, w- -I, uh--
Now I'm all mixed up.
You've been faking
this whole time?
Why?
Please don't take this
personally.
I just wanted a little time
to myself.
What?
I put handicap bars
in the shower!
Okay, I think we're gonna--
we're gonna take off.
Yep. We gotta yell
at our people too.
Gary, I'm really sorry.
I know that I was wrong.
It's just that I thought
if I asked you
for some alone time,
you would say no.
You're right.
I would've said no.
I work hard here,
and I need you.
But mostly because
the best part of my day
is when you come
through that door.
Gary, it was never
that I didn't want to be
with you, sweetheart.
I love being with you.
I just wanted
a little alone time
to clear my head.
Baby, I want
some alone time too.
And we'll both get it.
When those two jokers
are in college.
September 3, 2029.
I already have it circled
on the calendar.
I'm really sorry.
Mm.
Oh, I don't know why
I let Nick
get in my head like that.
Nick?
Yeah. He's the one
that told me to lie.
Huh. He did, huh?
Yes, he did.
- Hmm.
- It's all his fault!
- Mm-hmm.
- Go get him.
What did I tell you?
There is no way the other team
can catch us.
One more correct answer
and we win.
This is the third largest
mountain range
in Europe.
The Carpathians!
- Incorrect.
- Nick, I got this.
For the victory, it is--
- Spice Girls.
- No!
Hey!
Incorrect.
Next question.
What element--
- Spice Girls!
- No!
- Incorrect. Next question--
- I'm sorry--hey!
Can we just have
a second here, please?
Guys, I'm s--
I see you guys
are all here,
and I understand that you're all
mad at me.
Okay, fine,
but you have to know,
if we don't get
this next question right,
we will lose, and I will not be
able to come here ever again.
Okay?
Okay, which rebellion
was defeated
at the Battle of Sedgemoor
in 1685?
I don't know this one.
I don't know this either.
Neither does anyone else.
- I think we're still good.
- Okay.
- I know the answer.
- Oh!
- History major.
- Oh!
- Quick, what is it?
- Okay!
- Quick, please, tell us!
- Yeah.
Hey. Hey.
Hey, Gary!
Hey, where are you going, man?
Oh, to these nice people
and give them the answer.
Hey, Gary, what--
Oh, my God.
If I lose,
I can never come back here.
You should've never encouraged
my wife to lie to me.
Gary, Gary,
this is very serious.
All right?
Chris, Emily, please?
I'm sorry, honey.
I warned you not to be
so competitive.
Yeah, and you kicked me
out of my own group
like Pete fish.
Gary, I am begging you
right now.
Okay? I love this place.
Please.
I don't know why I do
the things I do, okay?
I'm a flawed person.
I'm working on it.
But I admit it, okay?
Today I lied
to my best friend.
I lied to my wife.
Guys, I'm so, so sorry.
I think there's probably
something wrong with me.
And it's worth looking into.
I will search for it
on WebMD when I get home.
But right now...
Gary, please, can you find it
in your heart
to forgive me?
I'll forgive you.
After I get even with you.
The Monmouth Rebellion.
We have a winner.
Second place,
"Let's Get Quizzical,"
you get a Cagney's shot glass.
And he's banned for life.
And you are banned
from this bar for life.
Okay.
Okay. All right, then.
I guess--I guess I'm leaving.
All right.
But you guys
are gonna miss me.
You're gonna say, "hey,"
"hey, what happened to that guy
Nick Thayer, huh?
"Where's that guy that used to--
that used to order one beer
at the bar and then hang out
with his kid for three hours?"
Oh, right, honey,
that is quite a legacy.
Let's go.
Well, I don't mind
being banned.
I'm tired of having to throw
away all my clothes
after I leave
this place anyway.
Hey.
Oh, hey, baby.
Boys, your mom's home!
Mom, Mom!
Clark didn't change
his underpants today!
I wanted to tell her that.
Baby, how was your day?
- Yeah!
- Oh, long.
Oh? What'd you have
for lunch?
Turkey sandwich.
With a side
of potato chips.
And a pickle spear.
Oh, see?
Baby, that's all I want.
Oh, I took some pictures
of it to show you.
Wow, marble rye.
You gone crazy.
You see...?
Mama went crazy.
in front of a live studio audience.
- Mom's home!
- Mom's home!
Ow, hey!
Welcome to my life.
These guys today.
- Hi, sweetheart.
- Take 'em.
Look, and I'm not talking
to this one
for the rest of the night.
- Oh.
- Mom, did you know there's a--
Boys, boys.
Back up, back up.
Come on,
give your mom some space.
- Oh, thank you, Gary.
- Oh, you're welcome, baby.
So how was your day?
What'd you do?
Tell me about it.
Come on, come on, come on.
What did you have for lunch?
Uh, turkey sandwich?
Oh, a turkey sandwich?
All right.
On what type of bread?
Come on,
don't leave me hanging, woman!
Gary, I just got home.
I'm tired.
Baby, I'm tired too.
And I've been trapped
in here all day.
I need to know what's going on
out in the real world.
Give me details.
- You want details?
- Yes.
I spent five hours
in a windowless conference room
debating whether to put
the title
of a PowerPoint presentation
in all caps or initial caps.
Oh, so what did you decide?
Oh, baby, please,
can I just get a minute?
No, baby, I need
adult conversation.
The only thing I talked to today
was this thing.
You're special.
The positive reinforcement
is great,
but the conversation
doesn't go anywhere.
I like you.
Say it less
and mean it more, Teddy bear.
♪ Life is how you live it
♪ ooh ooh ooh
♪ wake up where you wanna be
♪ hey hey
- ♪ you and me
- ♪ Ooh ooh ooh
- ♪ we're happy
- ♪ Ooh ooh ooh
♪ we need our friends
like the sun ♪
♪ why would you walk
when you can run? ♪
♪ everybody sing it loud
♪ why would you walk
when you can run? ♪
So what's
the big news, Chris?
Cagney's is starting
a trivia night.
Apparently all those cards
we stuffed in the suggestion box
paid off.
The system works.
Let's do it.
Finally, some real competition.
I think we should
pull Violet out of school
so she can quiz us
during the day.
There's
the overly competitive guy
who got into a butterfly drawing
competition with my niece.
She thinks she's so good.
- Hi.
- What are you guys doing?
Oh, nobody move.
If we hold perfectly still,
she might not spray us.
Oh, my God.
Your dog can talk.
Hmm.
Sheila, we are forming
a bar trivia team.
Do you wanna join?
Does kamusta
mean "yes" in tagalog?
No, it means "hello."
That was a trick question.
You need me.
Sheila, I know that Emily
just asked you to join our team,
but I am asking you to take
the temperature of the room,
read between the lines,
and pick up on the general vibe
that I am sending out
right now.
Got it...I'm in.
And I've already figured out
our team name.
"Let's Get Quizzical," huh?
It's a pun on the song by Oli--
Olivia Newton-John,
1981, MCA Records.
Bang. Winner.
I beat you.
Nick, you're on
the same team.
Yeah, I know, but I won.
Hold the elevator!
- Whoa. Oh. Oh.
- Hey.
- You two.
- Hey.
Yes, we'll ride
the elevator with you.
Jeez, Marny, you're so needy.
It's nothing personal, guys.
This one-minute elevator ride
is the only alone time
in my day.
I love my kids.
I love my husband.
But sometimes I see someone
in a coma on a medical show,
and I say,
"I could use some of that."
Mm-hmm.
I totally get it.
I totally get it.
The stay-at-home spouses,
they do not understand.
We go straight
from working at work
to working at home.
It's like,
hey, I need some alone time.
But if I ask Gary
for alone time,
it's gonna hurt his feelings.
Yeah, right, but that's why
you don't ask for alone time.
You have to sneak it.
Dirty little secret
about divorce, guys:
Filled with wonderful
alone time.
Like, lots of alone time,
you know?
Sometimes too much alone time.
Now I'm sad.
Nick, I don't think I could
ever deceive Gary that way.
Sure you can.
Do it.
Maybe I'm just over-tired
and blowing things
out of proportion.
Hey, baby,
the suspense is killing me.
Did you go with all caps
or initial caps, huh?
How long have you
been waiting here?
We watched you get off
the subway from the window.
We always watch you.
Welcome to Cagney's
inaugural Trivia Night.
All right, first question.
Who is the current
prime minister of Canada?
Stephen Harper!
Correct.
I'm outside counsel
for a pharmaceutical company
based in Toronto.
I watch hockey.
Oh!
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle?
Incorrect.
That's a point lost for team
"Let's Get Quizzical."
Good guess, Chris.
Good job!
I know.
No, the thing is,
you don't know.
You made a baby with that.
Colors of the German flag?
Oh, uh, uh, I'm not positive,
but I think it's--
- Black, red, and gold!
- Correct.
Final question of the night.
Name the 1990s pop duo
who lip-synched their way
to the top of the charts.
Ding!
Vanilla Ice!
- No!
- How is that a duo?
Milli Vanilli.
- Correct!
- Oh!
Ugh, that's what I
was thinking.
And the winning team:
"No Quizness
Like Show Quizness."
This was so fun.
- We did so well.
- I know.
Oh, hey, let's go buy
the winning team a drink.
- Oh, good idea.
- Right? Yeah.
Their enthusiasm
is sickening.
I never should have married
a camp counselor.
Gary, are you sure
you can't join our team?
I can't do it, man.
Marny's boss has been making her
stay late recently.
She's working hard.
- Yeah, I'm really proud of her.
- Mom!
Yes, son, that's who
we're talking about, your mom.
Now stay out
of adult conversations.
No, Mom's right there.
What is she doing here?
She told me she was working.
She is working.
Working on those calves.
I'm just trying
to lighten the mood.
I can't believe Marny
lied to me about working late,
then went to the gym.
Doesn't sound like Marny.
I wonder where
she'd get an idea like that.
Women's magazines,
obviously.
Hey, baby.
How was, uh, work?
- Oh, brutal.
- Oh?
Oh, I can see
that they're working you hard.
So hard that you have
sweat on your brow.
Oh.
Well, you know, they were really
cranking the heat at work.
Hmm, I bet.
And I wanted
to get home, baby.
But, you know, it's 6:00 here,
and they're just waking up
in Tokyo.
- Mm-hmm.
- Then Kashegawa calls
and start asking for materials
and, you know--
it actually was through
a translator, Terry--
He knows.
And then I stopped
by the gym to get a run in.
Okay, so we're gonna go.
Yeah, okay.
So...
Let me get this straight.
Instead of coming home...
You went to the gym.
Yes.
Yes, I did.
- Huh.
- But I did it because...
You know, because, uh...
Because I want to look good
for my husband.
Huh.
So why didn't you, uh,
tell...
your husband?
- Because...
- Hmm.
I knew that...
You'd want to go
with me.
And I know how much
you hate the gym.
And I don't want to put
that kind of pressure on you.
Because you...
are a beautiful man.
What are you talking about?
I love the gym.
In fact, why don't we get
a sitter?
And we can go together.
- Together?
- Mm-hmm.
But--but you would do
your thing,
and I would do my thing.
Exactly.
Well, great.
Why wouldn't that work?
♪ Rising up
♪ back on my feet
♪ jogging here
next to Marny ♪
Did you tell Chris and Emily
they're off the trivia team?
No, but I did learn
that Chris thinks true love
is one of the seven wonders
of the world.
We're never going to win
with them on the team,
so sack up
and cut 'em loose.
I guess I could tell them
that I'm working late,
and we can't do trivia
this week.
I don't care
how the sausage is made.
Just get it done.
And you said
this would be awkward.
See?
We can hold hands.
Gary, I'm feeling
a little dehydrated.
Can you get me some
of that cucumber water?
- Oh, sure thing, baby.
- Thank you.
♪ Getting cucumber water
♪ it's the thrill
of the fight, hey ♪
♪ there's a climbing wall
over here ♪
Nick.
- Hey, Marny.
- You got me into this.
Now how do I get out?
Gary's with me at the gym,
talking through all
my alone time.
He got on the back
of my treadmill
and acted like he was trying
to catch me.
Okay, you can go
one of two ways with this.
You can divorce Gary.
Nah. It would take too long
to train somebody new.
Or-- ah!
Fake an injury.
Don't you think that's going
a little far?
No. Do it.
Hey, Marny. Marny. Marny.
Marny. Marny!
- Marny! Marny!
- Yes?
We should come here
three times a week.
- Three?
- Mm-hmm.
Oh.
Oh!
Oh! Oh!
Baby, what's going on?
Baby, you all right?
- My hamstring! Oh!
- Oh!
Ow, ow, I think I pulled it.
- Oh, my God.
What--what can I do to help?
Uh, I'm just gonna go
to the women's locker room
and ice it down.
- Oh, okay.
- Quietly.
- Mm-hmm.
- For, like, half an hour.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, baby, that's a good idea.
Come here. I got you.
I got you. Come on.
Oh! Gary, you're not allowed
in there.
The hell I'm not!
Get out of my way!
My wife is hurt!
Oh, wow.
This is way nicer
than the guys' locker room.
Hey, come look at ours.
All right baby,
time to change
your ice pack.
Oh, no, Gary,
it's okay.
I think two hours of icing
is good.
And I really don't need
the walker.
You know what?
You're right.
I'm gonna get you one of those
motorized old person scooters.
Honey, I feel really guilty
taking all of your time
like this.
Baby, nothing is more
important than your health.
All I need to do is go
to physical therapy
twice a week at night.
By myself.
- Okay.
- I'll be fine.
Don't worry about it.
All right?
I got it under control.
You won't even have to leave
the house.
Ah.
Hey, come on in, Doc.
Who is this?
This is Dr. Wallace Yee.
I hired him
to acupuncture you.
This is all your fault.
Oh, we are gonna crush trivia
now that we no longer have
those albatrosses
around our neck.
What poem is that from?
Rime Of The Ancient Mariner.
Oh, we are so ready.
Knowledge.
Hey, Quizzicals.
You guys ready
to lose again?
Ah.
We're not gonna lose
this time.
In fact, let's make it
more interesting.
How about the losing team
can never show their face
in this bar again?
Bup bup bup bup,
bup bup bup,
bup bup bup bup bup--
hey.
Um, maybe not
that interesting.
I come here
all the time.
If you think we're gonna lose
to these guys,
why am I working with you?
Okay. Yes.
You're right. Yes.
Okay, losing team can't show
their face in here anymore.
Deal. Prepare to go down
like the Lusitania.
That's a--
- British ocean liner, yeah.
The sinking of which precipitated
U.S. involvement in World War I.
Duh.
- Hi.
- Oh, hey.
Glad you guys are here.
Thanks for coming
to look after Marny
while I use the bathroom.
Oh.
I'm not really hurt.
This whole
sneaking alone time thing
has just gotten
out of control.
That's what you get
for listening to Nick.
"Oh, don't worry, Chris.
Bears are more afraid of us
than we are of them."
They are not.
I'm worried Gary might be
on to me.
He's being so nice.
I think he's trying to guilt me
into confessing.
- Hmm.
- All right. Okay, Marny.
I'm running your bath,
and it's almost time
for your ibuprofen
and chocolate milk.
Uh--oh.
Hi, Sheila.
Oh.
- Yeah.
- Hey, Nick.
Okay. I'll see you
when you get home.
Love you too.
Nick's stuck at work.
Said he's gonna be
another 35 minutes.
Huh. That was Sheila,
just calling to say
she was gonna be late
to pick up Ernie--
35 minutes late.
Was there music playing
in the background?
Yeah.
Did it sound like they were
at a bar?
Oh, come on!
They're playing trivia
without us!
The team was my idea,
and they got rid of us?
We're like that guy who was
originally in the Beatles
but got kicked out.
- You know who I'm talking about.
- Yeah, uh--
- Uh--
- Uh, what was his name?
Uh, um, something with the word
"fish" in it.
- Yeah, um--
- Pete Best.
God, we're bad at trivia.
You know what, though?
That's no excuse.
Nick still lied
to both of us.
Hey, never lie
to your spouse.
You always get caught.
Isn't that right, Marny?
So you figured it out.
That is why you've been
doting on me.
What are you talking about?
Figured what out?
And what happened
to your limp?
Oh.
It's still here.
Now you're limping
with the other leg!
Ma--Marny, what's going on?
Uh, w- -I, uh--
Now I'm all mixed up.
You've been faking
this whole time?
Why?
Please don't take this
personally.
I just wanted a little time
to myself.
What?
I put handicap bars
in the shower!
Okay, I think we're gonna--
we're gonna take off.
Yep. We gotta yell
at our people too.
Gary, I'm really sorry.
I know that I was wrong.
It's just that I thought
if I asked you
for some alone time,
you would say no.
You're right.
I would've said no.
I work hard here,
and I need you.
But mostly because
the best part of my day
is when you come
through that door.
Gary, it was never
that I didn't want to be
with you, sweetheart.
I love being with you.
I just wanted
a little alone time
to clear my head.
Baby, I want
some alone time too.
And we'll both get it.
When those two jokers
are in college.
September 3, 2029.
I already have it circled
on the calendar.
I'm really sorry.
Mm.
Oh, I don't know why
I let Nick
get in my head like that.
Nick?
Yeah. He's the one
that told me to lie.
Huh. He did, huh?
Yes, he did.
- Hmm.
- It's all his fault!
- Mm-hmm.
- Go get him.
What did I tell you?
There is no way the other team
can catch us.
One more correct answer
and we win.
This is the third largest
mountain range
in Europe.
The Carpathians!
- Incorrect.
- Nick, I got this.
For the victory, it is--
- Spice Girls.
- No!
Hey!
Incorrect.
Next question.
What element--
- Spice Girls!
- No!
- Incorrect. Next question--
- I'm sorry--hey!
Can we just have
a second here, please?
Guys, I'm s--
I see you guys
are all here,
and I understand that you're all
mad at me.
Okay, fine,
but you have to know,
if we don't get
this next question right,
we will lose, and I will not be
able to come here ever again.
Okay?
Okay, which rebellion
was defeated
at the Battle of Sedgemoor
in 1685?
I don't know this one.
I don't know this either.
Neither does anyone else.
- I think we're still good.
- Okay.
- I know the answer.
- Oh!
- History major.
- Oh!
- Quick, what is it?
- Okay!
- Quick, please, tell us!
- Yeah.
Hey. Hey.
Hey, Gary!
Hey, where are you going, man?
Oh, to these nice people
and give them the answer.
Hey, Gary, what--
Oh, my God.
If I lose,
I can never come back here.
You should've never encouraged
my wife to lie to me.
Gary, Gary,
this is very serious.
All right?
Chris, Emily, please?
I'm sorry, honey.
I warned you not to be
so competitive.
Yeah, and you kicked me
out of my own group
like Pete fish.
Gary, I am begging you
right now.
Okay? I love this place.
Please.
I don't know why I do
the things I do, okay?
I'm a flawed person.
I'm working on it.
But I admit it, okay?
Today I lied
to my best friend.
I lied to my wife.
Guys, I'm so, so sorry.
I think there's probably
something wrong with me.
And it's worth looking into.
I will search for it
on WebMD when I get home.
But right now...
Gary, please, can you find it
in your heart
to forgive me?
I'll forgive you.
After I get even with you.
The Monmouth Rebellion.
We have a winner.
Second place,
"Let's Get Quizzical,"
you get a Cagney's shot glass.
And he's banned for life.
And you are banned
from this bar for life.
Okay.
Okay. All right, then.
I guess--I guess I'm leaving.
All right.
But you guys
are gonna miss me.
You're gonna say, "hey,"
"hey, what happened to that guy
Nick Thayer, huh?
"Where's that guy that used to--
that used to order one beer
at the bar and then hang out
with his kid for three hours?"
Oh, right, honey,
that is quite a legacy.
Let's go.
Well, I don't mind
being banned.
I'm tired of having to throw
away all my clothes
after I leave
this place anyway.
Hey.
Oh, hey, baby.
Boys, your mom's home!
Mom, Mom!
Clark didn't change
his underpants today!
I wanted to tell her that.
Baby, how was your day?
- Yeah!
- Oh, long.
Oh? What'd you have
for lunch?
Turkey sandwich.
With a side
of potato chips.
And a pickle spear.
Oh, see?
Baby, that's all I want.
Oh, I took some pictures
of it to show you.
Wow, marble rye.
You gone crazy.
You see...?
Mama went crazy.