Gunsmoke (1955–1975): Season 17, Episode 23 - Alias Festus Haggin - full transcript

A case of mistaken identity is no laughing matter for Festus when a U.S. marshal arrests the good-natured deputy as bloodthirsty murderer Frank Eaton. While Festus stands trial, Matt investigates to clear his friend's name.

Announcer: Gunsmoke, starring
James Arness as Matt Dillon.

There's no hurry boarding, folks.
The horses have to be watered.

Well, welcome folks.



Oh! I think we ran
over every mud hole

from here to Cimarron.

I'm glad you could
come, Mr. Rand.

I want to be absolutely
sure about this.

They have him
jailed here in Dodge?

He's working the jail.

Working the jail?

Festus: I don't hear
no folks standin' around

squallin' that they ain't
gettin' proper took care of.

Well, that's 'cause people
can make do, you see,

when they have to.
Now they get sick and...

I want a positive
identification.



Happens along and takes
care of them, but that don't mean

that we don't need a hospital.

Well, wait just a minute now.

Just... I'll tell ya
just what will happen

if we was to get
a hospital in town.

That's him.

Not the slightest
doubt in your mind?

None!

- Always did, see?
- Yes.

Sometimes they're sitting
up with them all night,

- don't you see?
- Yes, I do see,

and that's exactly what
causes these gray hairs of mine.

I'll tell you something...
Wearing a badge.

Easy.

I'll handle it.

Doc: The second my head hits the pillow,
they'll get everything in the world.

Well, there's
what I'm talking...

You're under arrest.
Hands behind your back.

What in tarnation...

I said put your hands
behind your back.

Doc: Hold on.

Stop this. Stop it!

On your feet.

Here, here, quit that.

What do you think you're doing?

Hold on there.

Put the gun down.

I'm a special agent to
the governor, Marshal.

Indian territory.

And I'm placing this
man under arrest.

I have a warrant.

First thing you got
to do with a warrant

is learn how to serve it.

What's the charge?

Three counts of murder

lodged against one
Frank Eaton, for a start.

I ain't no Frank Eaton.

His name's Festus Haggen.

Among many of his other aliases.

No matter what
name he goes by now,

this is the man that I'm after.

Who's identifying him?

Well, I've only seen him
once and that was only briefly,

so I had a corroborating
witness brought in.

That's me, Marshal.

Why I ain't ever
saw you in my life.

You neither.

You're just mistaken.

He lined up the four of
us and started shooting.

I'm just lucky to be
alive, the others weren't.

Now when a man
shoots off your arm

from a distance of ten feet,

you're not apt to forget
his name or his face.

♪♪

Matt, you ever see
this Frank Eaton before?

Not face to face, Judge.

He passed through Kansas
probably eleven, twelve years ago.

I've had posters on him,
but never with a picture.

I came across this one recently
by accident down in Durant.

I wonder if you'd mind
identifying that for us.

Are you going to deny
that that's a picture of you?

No, I ain't denying it,

I'm just trying to
recollect it, that's all.

Well, Festus, could you have
been working on the railroad

down around Durant
about twelve years ago?

Well, I was working up
around there, Matthew,

when they laid that spur.

I reckon it been
about that long ago,

and there was some
feller there a takin' pictures,

but I'd never knowed
he took one of me.

How long did you work on
that railroad, Mr. Haggen?

Just long enough to familiarize himself
with the movement of the Army gold train.

You're not helping
matters, Doyle.

Your Honor, I know of at
least six graves he's filled.

And I can be forgiven for feeling
less than charitable toward this man.

I don't give a hoot about your
feelings, one way or t'other.

- Festus...
- Now let's stick to the issue here,

gentlemen, one
of identification.

Mr. Doyle has stated
that he has evidence

that you were in the following
places at the stated times:

Barlow, South Dakota
in the spring of '66,

working a claim along with two
men named Wheeler and Zimmerman.

That'd be Charlie
Wheeler and ol' Zimmie.

We panned gold all
along them west creeks

pretty n'ar all summer.

Yeah. Both men found
strangled in the creek,

stripped of all
their possessions.

That was after we
done split up, big mouth.

Gentlemen, allow me to continue.

Now the following year you were
riding shotgun for the El Paso stage line.

No, sir.

No, sir. That ain't true.

I never rode no shotgun.

As I recollect,

I got me a stake there
a-trappin' up around the Andres.

That was quite a stake.

The strongbox with more than
$10,000 in government gold

was missing the
day that you left.

Now you just back off, mister.

The point is, what difference
does all this make anyway?

Even if Festus had been at every
one of the places you got named there,

it still doesn't prove
that he's Frank Eaton.

And that's who this
warrant is made out for.

Mm.

Mr. Rand, you state that you were
the clerk in charge of that baggage car

when it was forced open.

Now, memory does play tricks
on a man after twelve years.

No, sir.

It's like it was yesterday.

I saw him and his
men loot that car,

and before he left,

he points a forty-five
and starts firing.

He meant to kill us all
and he thought he had.

That there is the biggest bunch
of hogwash I've ever heard.

Is this hogwash, Eaton?

I told you once: I ain't never
saw you in my whole life.

And my name ain't Eaton.

Your Honor, I have depositions

from more than a score of
people that this is Frank Eaton.

And we'll have six eye-witnesses
to the murders in Rock Creek.

Now I ask that this man be
remanded into my custody

as authorized by that warrant,

and transported to
the Indian territory.

Now wait a minute. Judge...

I'm bound by law, Matt,
to honor this warrant

when the identification of the
man named appears reasonable.

Judge, I've known Festus
Haggen for close to ten years.

There isn't a more
honest man in this territory.

I can also vouch for
that, but consider...

it's also to Mr. Haggen's benefit
to clear up this misunderstanding.

Now isn't it far better for
him to go to Rock Creek

then to live under a
cloud here in Dodge City?

Well, maybe you're right.

But, Judge, I'll
tell you one thing,

if he's going anywhere with
somebody, I'd like to have

Deputy O'Brien here
assigned to go along with him.

That won't be necessary.

How about it, Judge?

I see nothing wrong with
having additional help, Mr. Doyle.

Well, I'll see you later.

I suggest you remove the
prisoner's gun and place him in jail.

Well, Marshal, can I
get anything for you?

No. No, thanks, Sam.

Kitty, maybe you can
give me some information.

That arrest isn't
gonna hold up, is it?

It looks that way.

It's a clear case of
mistaken identity,

but it looks like Festus is going
to be charged with three murders.

And if we can believe
this fellow Doyle,

why, he's got six additional
witnesses against him.

Now, Kitty, do you remember anything
about a man named Joe Guthrie?

Guthrie?

The name's familiar
but I can't place him.

Wasn't he a bartender
at Bull's a few years back?

That's the one.

There was stories that his brother Karl
was riding with Frank Eaton for a while.

But Karl Guthrie died in jail.

Well, I know that.

Can you remember
anything about Joe Guthrie

that might pinpoint
where he'd be now?

I'm afraid not, Marshal.

He had a bad reputation,
but he's a pretty fair bartender.

And that's all I know.

Wait a minute.

Just a minute. Um...

I got a letter

from one of those saloons
on the Old Post Road here,

oh, two or three years back.

Guthrie wanted a job, and he
gave the Long Branch as a reference.

I wrote them back and told
them that he'd never worked here.

Well, do you remember
the name of the saloon?

Well, no, Matt.

I threw the letter away.

Well, there must be at least 20 saloons
still operating on the Old Post Road.

Looks like I got my
work cut out for me.

Well, what about
Festus, Marshal?

Well, he may still
have to stand trial.

And we were gonna celebrate
Festus' birthday tomorrow night.

Oh.

This might not be up
to Haggen standards.

Much obliged, Newly.

I reckon us Haggens

does drink coffee
stouter than most folks,

all right.

Just keep thinking about
what that Doyle said.

Sayin' that he'd saw me and...

and that Rand a-sayin'
that he'd saw me, too.

Oh, I wouldn't worry about it.

There's six other people saying
they know who Frank Eaton is.

They got to know you're not him.

Newly, do me a favor.
Will you saddle my horse?

Yes, you bet.

Festus, I'm going to
be gone for a few days.

I'm going to go through Rock
Creek before any trial takes place,

if it comes to that.

All right, Matthew.

I'm going to be riding
along the old Hays post road.

I'm looking for a
man named Guthrie.

They said that his
brother rode with Eaton.

If I can find him, I
might get myself a lead.

Sure hoping you do, Matthew.

Now as far as
Doyle is concerned,

he's as tough as they come, but
he never forgets he's a lawman.

So the thing to do is just do what he
says and don't cause him any trouble.

Yes, sir.

Matthew?

Don't you reckon you'd
ought to be a-lockin' the door?

♪♪

Newly,

if there's goin' to be a trial,
you'll let us know, won't you?

You bet I will, Doc.

I hear there's some mighty
good fishing in that area.

And I think it's
true that you two

are sure goin' to be
able to find it all right,

no doubt about that.

After a few apologies
have been extended.

Man: They caught Frank Eaton!

They're bringing him in!

They're bringing Frank Eaton in.

They caught Frank Eaton.

They're bringing him in.

They're bringing Frank Eaton in.

Frank Eaton.

Why you bringing this
scum back to town?

I hope they don't
hang you, Eaton.

I want to see you walk
these streets again free.

I want you for myself.

Luke, take the
horses to the stable.

He give ya any trouble?

No.

Who is that crazy man back yonder,
and what's he so riled up about?

You're never going
to carry it off, Eaton.

That's a fair question that
deserves an answer. Who is he?

Josh Walker.

Two of the counts of murder
against Eaton are for killing his sons.

Take him inside and lock him up.

I'll go find Judge Clayborne
and tell him we've arrived.

Sheriff, you got the
makings for some coffee?

Rustle some up in a minute.

All right, sir, you do that,
and I'll lock the prisoner up.

Newly...

I'm gettin' me an awful
bad feelin' about this town.

It sure isn't too much, is it?

That ain't what I mean.

I mean I'm beginnin' to feel

mighty alone all of a sudden.

Your name Guthrie?

Yeah.

Good. I've been looking for
you the better part of three days.

Why? I ain't done nothin'.

All right. If that's the case,

then I guess you won't mind
answering a few questions.

Well, if it ain't anything more

than the time of day and
weather you can keep 'em.

- Hey, look, you got no right...
- I haven't got time to argue with you.

Now, I'm lookin' for information
on a man named Frank Eaton.

Eaton?

I had no truck with him.

No, but your brother did.

He knew him well.
He rode with him.

So?

So I'm lookin' for somebody
who can identify him.

Not me, mister.

I never met him.

You're lying.

I ain't lying, so help me.

I never seen that
man in my whole life.

Yeah, but your brother did.

He and Frank are real close, so
you must have talked about him.

Sure, we talked, but...

All right, I'm looking for somebody
who can identify him positively

in a court of law.

I don't know anybody like that.

Mister, everybody's
got somebody.

Brother, sister, father,
friend. Now come on!

All right, I...

I... I don't know if
this'll do any good,

but Karl thought
Eaton had a woman,

maybe a wife.

He was married?

Well, that's what my
brother and the boys figured.

I mean, if you keep sending the
same woman money while you're riding,

sometimes big money,

well, that figures
to be a wife, don't it?

But she couldn't use the
name "Mrs. Frank Eaton"?

No, no, no.

It was John... John... Johnson!

Johnson! That's it.
That's the name she used.

Yeah. She built a weigh
station with the money she got

down in Indian territory.

Whereabouts in Indian territory?

Well, it's the first weigh
station out of Rock Creek.

Eaton used to
rule the roost there.

Well, that's before he got into
trouble killing a couple of fellas.

Uh-huh.

This happened a long time back.

You got a pretty good
memory all of a sudden.

Heh.

Well, you see, uh,

my brother used
to joke around a lot

about all the letters he had to
write that Frank Eaton sent to her.

Why did your brother
have to write the letters?

Well, Frank Eaton
couldn't read or write.

Miss Kitty.

Hello, Newly.

Ah, thank you.

- Howdy, Newly.
- Doc, good to see you.

Thank you, Newly.

You know, I could hardly believe
my eyes when I read in the telegram

the trial was goin'
to be tomorrow.

Oh, yes, sir. They
selected a jury tonight

and even set up
court in the lobby.

What kind of man is
this Judge Clayborne?

Well, I guess you'd
say he's impatient.

He's got trial dates
set all over the territory

and he don't believe
in wasting a minute.

Festus got a lawyer?

Yes, sir.

Me.

Festus insisted. I keep telling him
that reading law for a few months

doesn't qualify me to defend
a man on trial for his life,

but he says nobody
can speak up for a feller

better than a friend can.

Festus tell you that?

Yes, sir.

He's right.

Is Matt here?

Not yet.

But news of the trial dates
were sent out over the wires

and I just got a
telegram from him.

He said he'd be back
sometime tomorrow.

Doc, I'm worried.

Of all the people that saw
Festus being brought into town,

not one of them come forward to
say there's a mistake being made.

Only about a hundred feet away.

Mr. Walker, I think you
misunderstand the problem here.

No one is denying a
man named Frank Eaton

cold-bloodedly
shot your two sons.

You brought three
witnesses in here...

before me... and you heard 'em.

They all swear

that this man right
here is Frank Eaton!

One of 'em even said
he shot off his arm.

Please calm
yourself, Mr. Walker.

Well, we're not
playing games here.

I buried my two boys...

and they never wore a gun.

Mr. Walker...

They just wouldn't
step off a boardwalk,

that's all.

Liquor is no excuse...
for a mature man...

to shoot down two boys...

that have a perfect right...

to walk the same
side of the street.

Mr. Walker, please be seated.

Yes, sir.

Now...

you will either respond
to the questions

or we'll call the next witness.

Yes, sir.

Proceed, Mr. O'Brien.

Mr. Festus Haggen,
will you please stand up?

Your Honor,

I suggest the defendant
either be addressed as such,

or by his name, Frank Eaton.

Any objections, Mr. O'Brien?

No, sir, except I
have no intention

of addressing the
defendant as Frank Eaton,

because that's not his name.

Man: Oh, come on. Everybody
knows that's Frank Eaton.

Come on, let's get on.
He's guilty! Let's hang him!

Proceed.

Mr. Walker, have you seen
Frank Eaton many times?

No more'n three or four times.

Have you ever heard his voice?

I have.

Speak to the witness, Festus.

He don't have to speak to me.

Your Honor, Mr. Walker has
already identified the defendant

as killing each of his
sons in cold blood.

I have no objection whatever

to counsel seeking to obtain a
reasonable number of reaffirmations.

Speak to the witness.

That there's what I've been
a wanting to do all along.

Mr. Walker, I swear
to the Almighty

I haven't never saw or
been in this here town

in my whole life before,

and I swear to the Almighty

that I never laid eyes on
them young'uns of yours,

let alone go a-shooting at 'em.

Look out!

- Let him hang.
- Let him hang!

You swear to the Almighty

and you speak of my
boys in the same breath.

Judge: Mr. Walker,

you are dismissed
from these proceedings.

Your Honor, we must fully
understand this man's emotions.

Court is in recess until 1:00.

We're here for you, Festus.

Don't worry, Miss Kitty.

Matthew, he'll...

♪♪

Miss Johnson?

Yeah?

My name's Matt Dillon. I'm United
States Marshal from Dodge City.

So?

You alone here?

That's right.

Take care of this whole
place yourself, do you?

Do the cookin'.

Drivers handle the horses.

Well, now that we got that out
of the way, what's your business?

You hear about the trial that's
going on over in Rock Creek today?

Don't hear much out here.

There's a man being tried
over there as Frank Eaton.

No concern of mine.

Mrs. Eaton.

I think this is a
concern of yours.

I'm guessing that
Frank married you.

My husband's name
was Jack Johnson.

And he died more
than five years ago.

Mrs. Eaton, there's a man on trial
for murder up there in Rock Creek.

His life may be at stake.

That's his worry.

You know, Mrs. Eaton, all that
money you received in those days,

that might make you an
accessory to robbery and murder.

Look, I... Well,
he's... He's what?

He's dead.

He died more
than five years ago,

and I didn't know where no
money he sent me came from.

Frank Eaton is dead?

Died in Sonora.

Friends buried him and... And
told me passing up this way.

All right, then that's something
you can testify to in court.

Oh, mister, I don't
like no courts.

I mean, those
people starin' at me.

Well, I'm sorry, Mrs. Eaton, I'm
afraid you don't have much choice.

Well, wait a minute.

I'll change my dress.

Don't talk to me
about common sense.

I haven't heard any here today.

Your opinion of this
court, Doctor Adams,

is not very flattering.

Well, it doesn't
take any legal genius

to ascertain that the
entire atmosphere here

is prejudicial to the defendant.

- Prejudicial?
- Get out of here!

- We know who he is!
- Guilty!

No further questions.

You will please step down.

Mr. O'Brien, do you further
character witnesses to call?

Yes, Judge, I sure do.

Miss Kitty Russell, will
you please take the stand?

I vote that we send Frank
Eaton there back to Dodge City

in exchange for the saloon lady.

There's a terrible
mistake being made here.

Why can't you accept a
man leading a double life?

Being a bumbling Festus
Haggen on the one hand in Dodge,

and a ruthless
killer on the other?

Bumbling?

Look, let me tell you something.

Festus is not an educated man.

But he's one of the
smartest I've ever known.

Man: Smart enough
to fool you, anyway!

I conclude my
cross-examination of this witness.

You may step down, Miss Russell.

Mr. O'Brien?

Will the defendant
please take the stand?

Man: What do you
expect to get from him?

Man: I just want
to watch him sweat!

Man 2: He'll sweat.

Place your left
hand on the Bible.

Raise your right hand.

Do you swear to tell
the truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the
truth, so help you God?

Yes, sir, I sure do.

Sorry to interrupt, Your Honor.

I have a witness here that may
help clear up this whole situation.

This is Mrs. Frank Eaton.

- Man: her don't prove anything!
- Frank!

Frank, I thought you were dead.

They... They told
me you were dead.

Man: You see, it's him!

It's a waste of good lumber.

Old cottonwood just
around the corner.

Doc, this whole thing is
turning into a nightmare.

That woman had
to be lying, Doyle.

There's no other
explanation for it.

Marshal, I don't
doubt your sincerity

in believing that Haggen
is not Frank Eaton.

But he wouldn't be the first
outlaw who would lead a double life.

Marshal, here's
your return wire.

The governor's staying
some place called Ada Springs.

He spends part of
his summer up there.

About fifty miles
due north of here.

Any telegraph there?

No.

The night stage makes
a direct run there.

Pretty fast travelling if you
want to send him a letter.

No, I want to talk to this
governor face to face.

Festus, I'm going to try
and get a stay of execution,

and I'm going to hope to get
a retrial set for a different town.

We ain't got a whole
lot of time, Matthew.

That there judge said

I was gonna hang on Monday.

I'll be back in town
by mid-morning.

That there woman, Matthew,

why do you reckon she'd
want to say I was her husband?

I don't know, Festus.

But that's something I'm going to
find out about, too, when I get back.

Take it easy, huh?

They ain't got
no right to do that.

No right or not,

Sheriff Buckley says
that's what's going to be.

Somethin' sure smells, don't it?

Yeah.

The judge and the
jury, they say hang.

Now all of a sudden
he ain't gonna hang,

he's gonna get
taken to another town.

All them gold trains that
Frank Eaton robbed...

Sure seems funny to me

that he's got all them law men
from Dodge City pullin' for him.

Yeah, ain't that something.

Frank Eaton buying
his way out of it.

Well, there's a whole lot of
people in this town, and me,

that say that he ain't
gonna get away with it.

Man: Let's hang him!

Sounds like they're getting
rope fever out there, Newly.

They must have found out the
marshal's gone to the governor for a stay.

Makes a feller feel mighty
naked all caged in here

and them out there
squalling for a hangin'.

They're going to have
to hang the both of us.

Doyle, bring him out here.

Bring him on out here!

Doyle, do you hear me?
I said bring him out here.

Festus should have been
moved to Sweet Water

as soon as that verdict come in.

I've handled mobs before.

Buckley...

No, sir. Not me.

I got to live in this town.

Doyle!

I said bring him out here.

You bar that door,
then keep me covered.

All right, move on back.

Doyle, is what we've
been hearin' straight?

Depends upon what
you've been hearing.

I'll tell you what
we've been hearin'.

That you're turning
Frank Eaton loose,

after he's been sentenced
to hang by the judge.

No one's freeing him.

Well then what's this about
a new trial in a new town?

That's up to the governor.

Yeah, the talk is that Eaton's lining
somebody's pockets with train gold.

What do you mean by that?

Well, suddenly there's a
lot of people wearin' badges

that got a warm
feeling towards Eaton.

Now is that meanin' plainer?

That's clear enough.

Now all of you, back
to your business.

Our business is right here.

Now we're here to hang
Eaton just like the judge said.

You'd better think over
what it's going to cost you.

And make no mistake,

I'm using both barrels.

Festus...

out the back door,
my horse is tied up.

I ain't gonna leave
you here all by yourself.

Just do what I tell you.

Hide outside town until
Marshal Dillon gets back.

Heave! Come on, heave!

- Get out of here!
- Stop!

Stop it! Stop it!

Will you get him out of here?

Who's going to do that?

Well, now,

I'll be real happy to
fire this other barrel.

This makes a total
of three barrels.

We got any takers?

Anyone still here after
the next twenty seconds

is gonna be runnin'
ahead of buckshot.

♪♪

♪♪

What do you want here?

Well now, is that there any way

for a true, loving wife
to greet her husband?

They let you go?

Let's just say the judge wouldn't
be tickled to see me loose.

Yeah, with you escaping,
you just better git.

Right after we do ourselves
a little dab of jawin'.

Like why did you
lie at that there trial?

I didn't lie, Frank.

You expectin' me to swallow
that there bait, are ya?

It's been a long time.

Could be fifty years a
woman married to a feller

and she ain't gonna be
mistakin' nobody else for him.

Now, you're fixing to tell me
why you lied at that there trial,

and then you're goin' back to
town with me and tell the judge.

I ain't goin' nowhere with you.

Oh, yeah, you'll
go with me, all right,

even if I have to take a hold
to your hair and drag you back.

Man: That would be
poor manners, mister.

When you told me what he
looked like, I didn't believe it.

Without them
mangy chin whiskers,

he'd be the spitting
image of me.

Get his gun.

Well, it ain't no wonder
I got mistook for you.

I ain't exactly flattered.

I ain't exactly
flattered my own self.

Well, that's the way
she goes, brother.

You got to admit, from my point
of view, things couldn't be better.

'Course not.

They hang me and you're
clear for the rest of your life.

That's the way she looks to me.

Of course your busting out of
jail kind of messed things up.

'Course you'd a whole heap
rather I'd get hung, wouldn't you?

That way it'd be all
legal and proper tied up.

How did you get out?

Maybe they let me out.

Did you ever think of that?

Maybe there's some folks

that's kind of figured
out what's going on.

Maybe he's telling
the truth, Frank.

Maybe they know you're here and
they set him free to smoke you out.

All right.

First sign of a posse,
he gets a bullet.

With you standing over him
claiming he come after you

for identifying him in court.

It's the mail stage.

In the bedroom.

Hup!

Hup!

Whoa!

Chance to stretch your
legs, folks, while we water up.

Last leg into Rock Creek.

Ah, good morning, Mrs. Johnson.

Mornin', Scotty.

How'd the trip go?

It's hot out there, you know.

It's not much better here.

Tell me somethin', Eaton,

you ain't been a-hidin' out
right here for all these years?

Living in Mexico.

Just come up to see
Susie once in a while.

You know, I've been hearing
about that trial you've got goin'.

Oh, mind to stretch your legs,
Marshal. We got a couple of minutes.

Mrs. Eaton.

Well, you'll be glad to know I
was able to get a stay of execution

for your husband.

That's... That's real fine.

Also a retrial.

It's gonna be held
in Ada Springs.

Is this here just an accident,

or did you hear about
me being mistook for you

clean to Mexico?

I got big ears.

I don't reckon you'd care none, neither,
if a feller was to hang in your place?

Open your mouth

and I'll drop him
where he stands.

My deputy Newly
O'Brien been around here?

No reason to.

You folks ready? We'll move out.

Well, that's real
good news, Marshal.

About Frank getting a new trial.

Hyah!

It was the Dodge Marshal.
Goin' to be a new trial, he says.

Lucky man.

A bullet's a lot
better than a rope

once that marshal gets
out of hearing range.

They're out of sight.

Is there a Marshal
Dillon aboard?

He was, but he got off
after the weigh station.

- What for?
- He didn't say.

Hold it.

How bad you hit, Festus?

He just creased
my ribs, Matthew.

Well, Newly, she's all over.

Not much to say, is there?

Well, if that ain't the
purdiest thing I've ever saw.

Golly Bill.

I just don't know
what all to say.

Well, don't say anything.

Good heavens, let's get started.

My mouth's been watering
ever since I saw Kitty

putting those strawberries on
the top and all that creamy stuff.

Yeah, and eating half
of them while watching.

How old, Festus?
You gonna tell us?

Well, let me see.

It was about the same
time that Mama's old sow

had that record litter of pigs.

What a remarkable way
to remember a birthday.

Festus, why don't you just make
a wish and blow out the candles?

Oh, yeah.

Let me see here
now, what'll I wish?

Oh, I got me a good
one. I got me a good one.

Well... he's back.

Announcer: Stay tuned for exciting
scenes from our next Gunsmoke.

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