Gunsmoke (1955–1975): Season 16, Episode 23 - Pike: Part 1 - full transcript

Announcer: Gunsmoke.

With Milburn Stone as Doc.

Amanda Blake as Kitty.

Ken Curtis as Festus.

Buck Taylor as Newly.

And starring James
Arness as Matt Dillon.

The deputy's off the street.

You stay with the
horses. Come on.

- Evening, Doc.
- Hello, Festus.

- Just getting in, are you?
- Yeah.

All night patching
up those Crockers.



Them Crockers
scrapping again, are they?

Yet.

Let me give you some
advice... Don't ever get married.

Oh, I wouldn't marry
her. I'll guarantee you that.

Doc: He's certainly no bargain.

I wasn't planning
on him neither.

Doc, you ain't got something for

kind of a sore throat, have you?

Well, certainly. I got just
exactly the thing here.

It's a concoction of my own.

It's mainly molasses, but
then it's got some coal oil in it,

and a little peppermint,
and quite a bit of castor oil.

- I'll give you...
- Oh, I ain't that bad, Doc.

What I got, see, is
kind of a scratchity,



tickledy feeling right
here in my goosler, kind of.

Why in thunder didn't you say
you wanted a shot of whiskey?

But I want you to understand,
though, that according to law,

I am not allowed to
dispense intoxicating liquor.

We'll have to call
this medication.

- Feels better right away, don't it?
- Oh, you betcha.

- I don't give a hoot what you call it.
- Well, you should.

Because my minimum fee for
dispensing medication is 50 cents.

- 50 cents?
- Yeah.

- Where's Matt?
- Well, he rode off

to Scullyville this morning.

Won't be back till
day after tomorrow.

- Doc, about that 50 cents...
- I'm putting it right down here.

Don't you think we could
just kind of call it socializing?

Let's get going. Hyah!

I shot one of 'em.

Newly, Burke, get your horses.

The rest of you, saddle
up. Let's get after them.

Pike, you gonna make it?

- Keep going.
- If you can't, say so.

I'm only grazed.

Don't look that way to me.

Now if you fall behind,

you're not gonna do any
talking just like the rest of us.

Make sure he rides
up ahead of you.

Come on! Come on!

Come on, boy. You can make here.

Go on. Get out there. That's it.

♪♪

Oh!

Oh, he's bad off.

Can he ride?

I don't know.

When the wind quits,
he's gonna have to.

Man: There's better
than 2,000 here.

Ain't good for
much this way, Pike.

Pike.

- Ow!
- Hey, you hear me?

- Where are we?
- Shack we staked out.

But we got to be
riding. Come on.

Yeah.

Okay.

- Mm.
- Oh!

You ain't gonna make it, boy.

I can make it. I can do it.

Got a hole in your side, bad.

Another one in your shoulder.

Can't leave me.

We're gonna be running, boy.

I like you, but...

not that much.

You want I should ease the pain?

He won't last a day.

If it had been either of you, I
would've done the same thing.

Let's get out of here while
the wind's doing us a favor.

Man: I've never known you to carry
more than one gun at a time, Pike.

Where'd you get it?

Move away.

Boy, I guess you're a
lot stronger then I figured.

Loomis, break it up
in four pieces again.

I'll do the telling.

What have you got in mind, boy?

You'll never get away.
We'll get you, sure.

I've got nothing to lose.

Die anyway if you leave me here.

Put your gun on the table.

You know, I never figured

to be looking into the wrong
end of one of your guns.

Figured you'd pitch me aside
like leavings neither, Macomb.

The money, put it
in the saddlebag.

- Easy.
- Hey, uh, listen, Pike.

When did you start that
boot insurance thing, huh?

Four months ago
when I met up with you.

That's good.

Pike: Put it down and move back.

Move back.

Put your hands on that bunk.

Get after him!

Now we got no money
and no horses neither.

Maybe we can run him
up when the wind quits.

When this wind quits, they're gonna
be on the other side of the Rio Grande.

We're gonna start walking.

Do you figure a direction?

The one he took.

Go on. Go on, horse.

Come on. We gotta keep...

♪ Oh, potatoes, they
grow small in Kansas ♪

♪ Oh, potatoes, they
grow small in Kansas ♪

♪ Oh, potatoes, they grow small
and they dig them in the fall ♪

♪ And they eat 'em
eyes and all in Kansas ♪

♪ Oh, they churn the
butter well in Kansas ♪

♪ Oh, they churn the
butter well in Kansas ♪

♪ Oh, they churn
the butter well ♪

♪ And the buttermilk they sell ♪

♪ Oh, they churn the
butter well in Kansas ♪

♪ Oh, drinking is
a sin in Kansas ♪

♪ Oh, drinking is
a sin in Kansas ♪

♪ They say drinking is a sin ♪

♪ So they guzzle all they can ♪

♪ They guzzle all
they can in Kansas ♪

♪ Oh, potatoes, they
grow small in Kansas ♪

Oh-ho-ho!

Worthless.

There looks like
something to me.

Oh... ♪ They... in Kansas ♪

Mm-hmm. Lookie there.

There's a little beauty.

Hmm!

Perfect. Just perfect.

Oh. Oh!

Here's another.

Oh...

Oh, you're a good'n today,

but you're done now.

Now lookie there.

You see, we got our own
for ourselves now, Worthless.

Oh, there you go.

Now, right down in there.

I figure that will give
us about a half a penny.

Half a penny, I think that's
cause for celebration, don't you?

Yes, sir.

Here we come.

Where are you now?

Oh, come here.

Ah!

Good.

Now, the way I
figure it, as of them

things is gonna bring us...

If we fix up that
bedstead back there,

somebody's gonna
give us a dollar for that.

The old basin's a little rusty,

but I think somebody
might pay 40 cents for it.

And with those bottles and
the other things that we found,

I think we've got three dollars.

Are you listening
to me, Worthless?

Three dollars I said.

Oh, that is if you ever get
your shoulder to the wheel,

get us home.

Come on, Worthless. Come on!

Get on there!

Oh, I named you right when
I named you "Worthless."

Come on, honey.

Maybe I'll give you a licorice
whip when we get home.

Come on.

♪ Oh, I got a mule named
Worthless in Kansas ♪

♪ I've got a worthless
mule in Kansas ♪

♪ I've got a worthless mule ♪

♪ And Worthless is the mule ♪

♪ Oh... ♪

Hmm.

Hey.

Hey!

Hey, you on the ground there.

What do you think of that?

You drunk or hurt or what?

Both maybe.

Oh, sore meat. No, sir.

Not me.

You're only a
young'un, ain't ya?

Well, I can't do nothing for ya.

I ain't got no medicine things.

I... Besides, it ain't
no trouble of mine.

It's yours, and you
got yourself into it.

Why look to me to get you out?

I ain't having
none of it, that's all.

Lord, you ever see a fool?

Folks always said I had a
heart bigger than my brain.

I'm afraid they're
right about that.

All right.

Well, are you gonna
help me or not?

Worthless!

Come on, Worthless.
I need you, honey.

Now, come on.

Wait a minute now.

Hold on.

There you go.

Now lean on me.

That's a boy. Oh!

- Miss Kitty.
- Festus.

You fellers get these horses
on down to the stable, will you?

- Matthew get back, did he?
- No, haven't heard a word.

- Did you have any luck?
- Nah.

Just like them yahoos got
themselves swollered up.

We've been at it all
day and half the night.

You men look like
you could use a beer.

On the Long Branch.

- Appreciate it.
- All right.

I could sure use a beer, Miss
Kitty. It is awful dry out there.

Beer, Sam, on the house.

They sure look like
they could use it.

Thank you, Miss Kitty. Festus,
what are we gonna do now?

You said something
about splitting up.

Well, quick as the
horses get rested,

we could maybe
start to taking turns.

I just got a feeling that they got
theirselves hold up someplace.

Well, Festus, they
could've travelled 40 miles

in any direction
without leaving a track.

That's an awful lot
of territory to cover.

Except, Miss Kitty,
they got this one feller

that's been shot
along with them.

Now, if they did
hole themselves up,

and we was to go out every day,

we could just keep
'em edgy enough

to where they jump up
and do something foolish.

Don't you see?

♪♪

Whoa!

Thanks.

Git that there.

Whoa. Get back.

Come on, boy.

Come on You heard me, boy?

You better hear me. You're gonna
die if I don't do something for you.

Come on.

There.

Now let's...

Oh, Lord only knows
what I'm gonna do now.

There you go. All right.

That's a boy.

You're gonna make it.

Just bear down.
That's all right. I got you.

I-I ain't armed,
boys. I ain't armed.

Downright obliging.

I don't want no trouble.
Anything you want, just take.

Well, that's what we was
planning to do anyway.

We lost our horses,
old man. We need yours.

I give 'em to you.
Free and clear.

You got any money buried
around here anyplace?

No, sir.

I got $18 saved for spring seed.

In the house, is it?

Saddle the horses.

Come on.

Come on. Come on.

Uh... put this here.

I ain't never done this before.

So don't... don't expect
no fancy stitch work.

Lord, here goes.

It's up to you.

Let him live or die.

It's out of my hands.

This ain't none of my doing.

You know that.

♪♪

Ah!

I told you I didn't know
nothing about this!

I told you.

Listen, boy,

I got to get that
bullet out of there

or you ain't got
no chance at all.

Here.

You better have
some of this here.

Come on. Take some
more. You're gonna need it.

The good thing about pain, boy,

it don't last forever.

Here.

Just a minute.

Here, hang on to that.

You hang on to that tight.

You hear?

Good and tight.

- Any particular reason?
- That fool had a gun hid in there.

Now let's find Pike.

Macomb, how are
we gonna do that?

We'll scratch every part
of Kansas if we got to.

One... he's got the money.

Two... the law catches up
with him he can identify us.

Three... be a pleasure watching
him bleed more than he is.

Hyah!

♪♪

You awake, boy?

You want a drink of water?

Better take a little more.

Well, I got all that lead out.

But I sure had to go deep.

I think you're gonna
mend up all right.

What's your name, boy?

Pike.

Cyrus Pike.

What'd... what'd you use to
sew me up with, a knitting needle?

Well, that's just what I get.

You're one of them
ungrateful cusses, ain't you?

I know you got a lot of pain.

Well, I ain't got
nothing to ease it.

You went and drunk
up my emergency bottle.

I supposed it ain't
none of my business

how you got them bullets in you.

Better off me not
knowing, I suppose.

It was outlaws.

Well, they've done a good
job. I'll say that for 'em.

I come from Shadroe.

Over in Arkansas.

Had me $400 saved.

Come to Kansas
to buy me a ranch.

Outlaws must've found out.

They robbed me and ambushed me.

Left me to die.

Left your horse to die, too.

All saddled up.

He spooked away.

Come back after they left.

Maybe better get
the law after them.

Get your money back for you.

Outlaws might find out.

Come back after me.

You too, being as you helped me.

I don't believe a
single particle of it.

Well, never mind
stirring yourself.

I ain't one of those
squealers to the law.

If that's what
you're thinking of.

But I'll tell you, boy,
what'll pleasure me.

And that's for you to get strong
enough to get up on your two lyin' feet

and get out of here and
leave me alone for a change.

$400 rancher we got ourselves.

Got himself ambushed and robbed.

And left to die.

You believe that, Sally Fergus,
and you believe anything.

I told you I had to go deep.

Uh...

I swear I'd give you
some laudanum if I had it.

I better get old Doc.

He's in Dodge.

It's a good ten miles from here.

No.

You got the bullets
out. I'll stand it.

I don't know if I can.

My, what I need is a drink.

And I'm gonna get it.

I'm going to town. I'll
be back as soon as I can.

Going for the law?

No.

I got some trading to do.

But, uh, old Worthless,

she's getting
pretty old and slow.

So it's gonna
take quite a while.

But we'll be back.

And you hang on.

You hear me? You hang on.

♪♪

Worthless.

Come on, honey.

That's a good girl.

We're gonna take a little trip.

Matthew, we had us a
robbery. Freight office.

- When did this happen?
- About two days ago.

Four fellers got away
with pretty near $2,800.

Newly, he's out with the
posse now. We're spelling off.

- Did you find anything?
- No, we couldn't track 'em three feet.

There was a wind storm that day

that was blowing dust so thick
you couldn't stir it with a stick.

We're figuring they got
theirselves holed up someplace

seeing as one of them is shot.

Fact is, I think
I hit him twice.

How far did you look?

Well, most to the
north and east.

We figured that's the
way they's headed.

All right, I'll tell
you what we'll do.

I'm gonna grab a bite to eat, and
then we'll go out and look around.

Get a hold of Burke, will ya,
and tell him to put on a badge

and keep an eye on the place?

I'll do 'er, Matthew.

So me and ol' Matthew will
be heading out there directly

and see if we can't pick
up a track or sign or some...

♪ Dirty Sally
smells like a skunk ♪

- ♪ Never takes a bath, lives in a hole ♪
- Go on home!

Them blame
young'uns is at it again.

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

Go on! Go on home, you brats!

♪ Rides a broomstick
through the ditch ♪

Don't you pay no attention,
Worthless. Don't listen to 'em.

♪ If you're not careful
she'll spit on you ♪

Here, here, here! Git on out!

Scat! Scat! Scat! Get
away from her! Go on!

Go ahead, Miss Sally.

Much obliged, Festus.

Get up!

Why don't you take
care of your kids?

All right, all you young'uns, come
here. I want to jaw with you a minute.

Billy Pheeters, Susan Leland.

You all ought to be
ashamed of yourselves.

Oh, Mr. Festus, she's
just dirty old Sally.

When was the last
time you took a bath?

It ain't the same thing.

Well, it appears to me it is.

Youse calling her "dirty
old Sally," wasn't you?

We ain't that dirty.

Yeah, but then you ain't
clean as a parson is neither.

Now how would you like it if he
was to start to calling you "dirty Billy"?

- Well?
- I wouldn't, I guess.

No, of course you wouldn't.

See, all of us is different.

Some folks is good.
Some folks is bad.

Some folks is clean.

Some middlin' clean.

Some just pure old dirty.

So when you start to want
to call somebody a name,

you take a look at yourself
in the looking glass first.

And then you can see
what names that folks

could start calling
you if they wanted to.

You see what I mean?

All right, I got
your word on that?

- Children: Yes, sir.
- That's good.

All right, run on and play now.

Hello, Sally. How are you?

Hello, Marshal. I'm...

I need a chew.

Oh, that's so hard.

Say, could you bite a
hunk of that off for me?

I got no teeth, you know.

Well, here, I'll cut
you off a piece.

If I had teeth like yours,
I'd throw my knife away.

Sally, you haven't
by any chance seen

four men riding out on the
prairie last couple days, have you?

Thanks. Want a sliver?

No, thank you.

No. I've seen a couple
of buffalo hunters.

- Why?
- We were robbed here Monday night.

I just thought you might've
come across 'em out there.

Huh.

Well, no.

Seen them buffalo grizzlies
and some lizards and...

so...

Well, keep your eyes open for
me if you're out there, will you?

All right, Sally.

- Miss Sally.
- Oh!

Well, you know, I couldn't sell
anymore kerosene or vinegar

if it wasn't for you, Sally.

- They're all clean.
- Oh, I can see they are.

Well, I'll just weigh
these up, Sally,

and you help yourself.

Thank you, Mr. Lathrop.

This with the others
is just shy 80 pounds.

So we'll just call
that 80 cents.

Ain't you got no laudanum?

Well, you're gonna have
to get that from the doc.

Oh, no.

Well, how about a few
black eyed peas, Sally?

Maybe some flour
and a little coffee?

No, Mr. Lathrop, I
need some cash.

I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll just give you
that 80 cents.

Oh!

And I'll put the rest
on your bill, all right?

Well... well, thank you,

but my bill must be
pretty tiresome by now.

But I've got the
bottles to pay for it.

I've just gotta get them all
washed up and bring 'em in.

Oh, any time. No hurry.

Maybe if you could give
me five cents more on my bill,

I'll take a couple
of bites of candy.

Oh, you just help yourself.

Ah, maybe you could
make it ten cents

'cause I'm taking a couple
of more peppermints.

Well, whatever you say's
all right with me, Sally.

Thank you.

Oh, it must be wonderful
to be a fine city lady,

and to live in town and be
able to come into the store

and buy anything you see.

Why don't you just
move into town, Sally?

Oh! Oh, no. I
couldn't. I'm too old.

But I thank you very
much, Mr. Lathrop.

You're just more than welcome.

I sure appreciate it.

I got something for you, honey.

Now, I want you to take this.

Chew it slow. Make it last.

That's a girl.

You know what he said?

Says I have to go and see Doc
and ask him for the laudanum.

I ain't looking forward to
fisticuffin' with that old coot.

He'll probably poke
me and probe me.

He'll say that I'm... I
can't even tell you about it.

Absolutely not. Nothing
in this world is free.

You want laudanum,
you've got to pay for it.

Hold a good thought.

Here, get that bag out
of here so I can do this.

Who do you think you're
pushing around, you old fossil?

- What'd you call me?
- An old fossil.

Don't you "old fossil" me or I'll punch
you a lot harder than I have been.

Now, you've got to hold still
so I can tell what I'm doing.

- Oh!
- Is that sore?

Oh!

Just a minute. That hurt there?

Oh! Yes, it hurts.

You think I'm made of stone?

Yeah, well, I can't do anything.

Like I told you in the first
place, I can't examine you

unless you take off
part of your clothing.

I knowed it.

You get me up on here and then
you want to get my clothes off of me.

Well, I ain't gonna do it.

You'll just have to hide
your disappointment.

Well, you come up here and
you got a pain in your lower back.

Now, how do you expect me
to find it unless I can feel of you?

Nobody's gonna feel of me.

Well, then what do you suggest?

I suggest laudanum.

Nope. Laudanum only kills
pain. It don't cure anything.

Well, I can treat myself. I
know what's the matter with me.

It's that bottle picking.
It's getting to me.

I got stoop back.

I've had it since
I was a little girl.

All right, you know
what's wrong?

So there will be no
examination and no laudanum.

Sally, let me tell
you something.

I have no carnal interest
in your body at all.

My interest in your body
is strictly professional.

I'm a doctor.

Well, I don't know
about your carnal,

but I do know that doctors
has desires just like other men.

I won't examine you.

All right.

Now, that's as far
as I'm gonna go.

I ain't no loose lady.

All right.

Now let's just see what we can do,
but you hold still while I examine you.

- Now just hold still.
- For what?

- Well, so I can feel here.
- Hmph.

Now just... quiet.

All right, now tell
me when this hurts.

Hurts!

It's gonna hurt all over
when you get through.

Are you through?

Yes, Sally, I guess
I'm all through.

What did you find?

About what I expect.

You're getting old. Your
joints are getting creaky.

And I need laudanum.

Sally...

you need laudanum.

Well, I'll tell you one thing,

nobody ever pawed
me like that before.

Well, does that
mean we're engaged?

Hmph.

I guess you ain't
heard about me.

I was something in my day.

Yeah, but your day's passed.

- Oh, why don't you...
- Now don't get feisty with me.

Mine's passed, too.
It's the reason I know.

And there's certain things
that we just can't do anymore.

You just have to slow down,
and you remember that.

Well, I can't slow down.

Somebody's gotta swamp
out them wagon trails.

How much do I owe you?

70 cents, but you don't
have to pay me now.

I never take
presents from no men.

All right, Sally, you do exactly
what it says on that bottle.

No more, no less.

And another thing,
if you have any pain,

don't you hesitate to come
and see me, day or night.

Well, if you was
20 years younger...

I might.

Still no strangers,
like I told Festus.

If I'd seen four
outlaws, Marshal,

I'da had them locked
in my store room

listening to my tall tales
before they knew what hit them.

It gets so lonesome
out here that I find myself

talking to prairie
rats and buzzards.

Real folks with real
ears to listen with,

they wouldn't stand no
chance at all against my mouth.

Well, come on in
for some coffee.

Well, no, thanks, Mr. Sutro,
we've got to keep moving.

You don't want to hear
about the gunshots?

What gunshots is that?

Well, it was early. Come
from over Hawkins' way.

Now, I'da saddled up,

but my foot still can't
take no weight in stirrup.

I remember one time I
tried to ride paying no mind

to two broken fingers that
old Doc Adams splinted...

Mr. Sutro, thanks a
lot. We'll check it out.

Festus: Much obliged, Mr. Sutro.

Howdy, Miss Kitty.

Well, howdy there, Sally.

Sam.

Say, pour me one of them
ten cent drinks, will ya?

Just short of the rim.

Sure, Miss Sally.

I have just the right
amount of money.

There you are.

Oh, look at that.

There's a beautiful sight.

That's amber.

That's my favorite color.

Oh...

I'll just let it build up the
suspense for a minute.

Kinda dry out there with the
wind blowing and all, huh?

But you gotta keep
your pipes oiled up.

Sally, you know,
I'm glad you're here.

You can help me
out with something.

Oh, is one of the girls
sick? You want me to fill in?

No, we got a shipment in,

and Sam doesn't
think it's up to standard.

And, uh, well, you know,

it doesn't taste too bad to me.

Do you want my
professional opinion?

I sure would appreciate it.

Have a clean glass, Sam, please?

Sure.

That's enough.

Tasted worse in my time.

Ah, fits right well.

Curls my toes.

For that expert opinion...

why don't you take
that home with you?

Thanks, Miss Kitty.

Say, that's a good idea.

You know, it's not good
for a girl's reputation

going out on the
street with a bottle.

That's right.

Bye.

Now there goes one
independent old girl.

Ah, she's the last of her kind.

Mr. Hawkins?

Hello in there!

Don't appear like
he's at home, Matthew.

Mr. Hawkins, Matt Dillon.

Now, we'll get down there...

Oh, I'm gonna unhitch you later
and give you somethin' to eat.

But I've got a little
errand of mercy.

Well, it wasn't
easy, but we got it...

Where's the boy?

Where's the boy gone?

Oh...

Boy?

Boy!

Boy!

He ain't in the privy.

Honey, he ain't fit to ride
a horse, you know that.

Boy!

Boy!

Can you hear me?!

Pike!

Pike!

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