Gunsmoke (1955–1975): Season 16, Episode 24 - Pike: Part 2 - full transcript
Announcer: Gunsmoke...
with Milburn Stone as Doc...
Amanda Blake as Kitty...
Ken Curtis as Festus...
Buck Taylor as Newly...
and starring...
James Arness as Matt Dillon.
♪♪
I shot one of 'em.
Newly, Burke, get your horses.
The rest of you, saddle
up. Let's get after them.
You ain't gonna make it, boy.
He won't last the day.
Move away.
Now, the money. Put
it in the saddle bag.
♪ Oh, potatoes, they
grow small in Kansas ♪
♪ Oh, potatoes, they
grow small in Kansas ♪
♪ Oh, potatoes, they grow
small, and they dig 'em in the fall ♪
♪ And they eat 'em,
eyes and all in Kansas ♪
Whoa!
Hey.
Hey, you, on the ground there.
You drunk... or hurt, or what?
Both, maybe.
Oh. Sore meat.
No, sir, not me.
Lord?
Did you ever see a fool?
Any particular reason?
Fool had a gun hidden there.
Now, let's find Pike.
Macomb, how are
we gonna do that?
We'll scratch every part
of Kansas if we gotta.
One, he's got the money.
Two, the law catches up
with him, he can identify us.
Three, it'll be a pleasure
watching him bleed more than he is.
Hyah!
Well, I got all that lead out.
What's your name, boy?
Pike.
Cyrus Pike.
I suppose it ain't none of my
business how you got them bullets in ya.
It was outlaws.
Well, they done a good
job, I'll say that for 'em.
Miss Kitty.
Uh, couple of you fellers get these
horses on down to the stable, will you?
Matthew get back, did he?
No, haven't heard a word.
Did you have any luck?
No. Just like them gillyhoos
got theirselves swallered up.
We been at it all
day and half the night.
Like I told ya in the first
place, I can't examine ya
unless you take off
part of your clothes.
I knowed it.
You get me up onto here and then
you want to get my clothes off of me.
Well, I ain't gonna do it.
You just have to hide
your disappointment.
Well, you come up here and
you got a pain in your lower back.
How do you expect me to
find it unless I can feel of you?
Nobody's gonna feel of me.
Sally,
you haven't by any chance seen
four men riding out on the prairie
the last couple of
days, have you?
Thanks. Want a sliver?
No, thank you.
No, I seen a couple
of buffalo hunters.
Why?
Well, we were robbed
here Monday night.
I just thought you might have
come across them out there.
Well, no.
Seen them buffalo grizzlies
and some lizards, and...
that's all.
Well, keep your eyes open for
me if you're out there, will ya?
All right, Sally.
Oh! I've got to unhitch you later
and give you something to eat.
But I've got a little
errand of mercy.
Well, it wasn't
easy but we got it.
Where's the boy?
Where's the boy gone?
Oh.
Pike!
Pike!
Sally: Can you tell me
why you tried to run off?
Pike: I...
I don't want to cause
you no more trouble.
Didn't want to cause
me no more trouble?
You did that already.
Laudanum's got to taste
bad or else it don't do no good.
I seen the marshal
today in Dodge.
He told me there'd
been a robbery in town.
What'd you say?
I said I knew it.
Said I knew who the robber
was, had him home in my bed,
that he was shot
up something fearful.
Nah, they'd have been here
by now if you told them that.
Just wanted you to see that
I can lie as good as you can.
I... I... I guess...
I guess I got to own up to it.
I was one of them that...
held up that freight office.
Stupid thing for me to do.
Me, just green from Arkansas.
Fell into bad company.
You believe that, don't ya?
You're telling it.
Them I fell in with just...
they didn't want to share.
Shot and left me to die.
Took all the money, they did.
The rest is like I told ya.
Well?
Well... what do you say to that?
I'll say to that...
that in a day or two you're gonna
be able to hang onto that saddle horn
as good as you can lie,
and I'll be glad rid of you.
Hicks.
Macomb says you can eat now.
Oh, I can't wait.
All right, keep a sharp eye.
Over a week. He could have hit a
stage and been in the Nations by now.
We'll find him.
Cold beans.
Nobody'd see a fire out here.
Not if there ain't none.
You want to strike out
on your own, go ahead.
No, that ain't it.
He might be laying dead out
there in the prairie somewhere.
I hope he ain't.
If he's lying dead on the prairie,
we'll find him covered with sand.
If he ain't dead yet,
I'll cover him up personally.
Well, he was here.
Or somebody was,
bleeding pretty bad, too.
I kind of figured he wouldn't ride
too far with them bullets in him.
Yeah, but he did ride out.
Unless they buried
him around here.
Let's keep looking.
Afternoon.
Where did you get that shirt?
Oh, I found it over in
that trunk over there.
Mine was kind of messed up, so I
washed it out while you was gone.
Goes through folks' stuff
when they's away, do ya?
Raised like trash, was you?
I didn't figure you'd mind.
Do ya?
Hm!
Here, I fixed this up for ya.
I never asked ya to.
Well, I know that. I wanted to.
You got any paint?
Yes, I got paint.
Any particular color you like?
That's her.
You like rabbit stew, do ya?
Too stringy.
You know, I thought we
might eat out by the lake today.
Already fixed up a table.
That suit ya, does it?
Well, here we are,
like a couple of savages
out here with the bugs
and the tree droppings.
That sure ain't civilized.
Well, tell me, old
lady. Was it stringy?
Not as bad as most.
Oh, compliments just don't
come natural to you, do they?
Folks that gush
just want something.
Look at my Worthless.
Well... Well, you've
got most all of it,
that's for certain.
I don't want nothin' I ain't got.
And I don't need anything more.
What are you collecting all
that junk at the house for?
That ain't junk.
That's just good
things that need fixing.
Mm.
Where do you get it all?
The prairie.
Folks movin' west.
They start out with
their wagons piled high
but it don't take long to find
out the wagon bogs down.
Then they got to unload.
It's amazin' what they find they can
do without once the goin' gets rocky.
I kinda think I can make up
stories about them, what they is like.
What they was thinkin'
when they were unsatisfied.
What made 'em want
to go to the far west.
Well, I'll tell you
somethin', old lady,
it don't take much makin' up.
They're goin' out to
get rich. Dig for gold.
Gold ain't no good for nobody.
Oh, is that so?
Tell me, you plan on keeping
all those good things at the house
for yourself, do ya?
I plan on fixing 'em
up and selling them.
Oh. Selling them?
Selling them for what?
For money, and it
ain't the same as gold.
Well, let me tell you
somethin', old lady,
you got money, you got
gold, and everything changes.
I mean you're somebody.
You can live in a big
old house way up on a hill
and look down on everybody.
That's important to you, huh?
Looking down on somebody?
It is to me.
That's why when I'm fit I'm riding
out of here and into the gold fields.
I don't ever want to see
Arkansas or Kansas again.
Oh... being rich.
It's the only way to be.
Your folks, I suppose
they was dirt-poor farmers
who had to scratch
for everything they got.
- Huh?
- Maybe.
Well, half of what they scratched
for went to some gold hoarder
lived up on top of a
hill in a fancy house.
Suppose that's about
right, too, ain't it?
Well, it ain't that I don't
think money's good.
I can spend my share
if I had it, I'll tell you.
Hey, tell me
something, old lady.
You had all the
money in the world,
what would you
buy first off, huh?
Chompers. Crockery. Store teeth.
Well, I never figured that.
Yes, sir.
I'd buy me a set of them fancy,
white, porcelain store teeth
and then I'd get
me a slab of steak
and I'd chew right through her!
Then I'd go down into town
and I'd smile at everybody,
showing off.
You know something?
They wouldn't call
me names no more.
You mean... You
mean they do that to ya?
Oh, kids mostly.
They're just teasing.
I don't care. Gives 'em a chance
to feel better than somebody else.
All of us have to do
that once in a while.
Well, are you gonna clean
up this mess or just sit there?
Yup.
Ah, never mind. Sit there.
You're mending. I'll do it.
Worthless, come on, honey.
Oh, I wish I'd known you when.
Need some help?
Oh, no thanks.
I'm a stickler for
keeping things clean.
What are all these for?
Oh, I sell 'em. A penny a pound.
These are like
money in the bank.
Hey, you get hid.
- Hello, Sally.
- Afternoon, Sally.
Howdy, Marshal, Festus.
You still looking for varmints?
That's right, and that's
a good name for 'em too.
They killed a man over in
Scullyville a couple days ago.
Sally: Is that so?
You haven't seen
anybody since we talked?
Uh, no.
No, I can't say I have.
Matt: Well, I guess we might
as well head back to Dodge
and start lookin'
again tomorrow.
- Thanks, Sally.
- Much obliged, Miss Sally.
Yeah, uh... so long.
Lies come from your
mouth real natural-like, lady.
They said a killin'.
Don't know nothing about that.
Must have been after I let out.
You sure?
Two days ago, he
said. I was right here.
I been here for over
a week, you know that.
What are you gonna do?
Nothing.
Gonna stay for a while?
Stay here a while?
I might as well. I got
me a real fine palace.
And some of the best
company for miles around.
Ah, you're mocking me.
Mocking? I ain't
mocking at all, old woman.
I'm just being grateful.
Fact is, I might just move
in with ya, permanent.
Oh, never mind overdoing it.
You know, I think, uh,
I think I'm gonna do
me a little bit of hunting.
Hunting?
Yeah, I'm a little tired
of that old rabbit stew
with black-eyed peas.
Say, you know, them gold
fields is awful cold and wet.
Oregon, too.
In Colorado they got
ice and snow to boot.
Well, I ain't going to the
gold fields, I'm going hunting.
My horse still
down in the gulley?
Kansas is the country.
Kansas got everything
a fella could ask for.
I ain't going yet.
♪♪
Sally Fergus, you're
off your noodle.
You crazy old fool.
He don't give a spit
in a holler about you.
No. In the first place,
he ain't comin' back.
And in the second place,
the third and the fourth place,
if he did come back, you'd
be better off to be rid of him.
Where's my towel?
Oh, there it is.
And in the fifth place...
Oh yeah, there it is...
If he did come back,
he don't need a mother.
Most of all, he don't
need an old hag like you.
Oh, the...
the rust on them elbows
has set in by a good ten years.
That ain't gonna come
off with pig bristles and lye.
Oh!
Maybe you're right, Worthless.
I never went through
this for nobody,
not when I was 17 years
young, let alone 67 years old.
But it goes to show you what
happens when you go without your hat.
Too much sun
scrambles your brains.
Bah. He ain't gonna
stay on here anyway.
No matter what.
Don't you say one
single solitary thing.
It ain't worth the
pain, I'll tell you that.
♪♪
Hey, lady!
Lady!
You came back! You came back!
Well, look at you, old woman.
Don't look at me,
look at that venison
steak up there,
all ready for the fire.
You think you can chew it?
Oh, I'm gonna chew it. I'll
gum it to death if I got to.
Hey, did you take a bath and
get all gussied up just for me?
Oh, no. No.
No, I took a bath... I took a
bath because it's my birthday.
Your birthday?
Well... Well, what's the date?
I don't... Well, I don't
know the date of my birth.
I just pick a day, uh...
I just pick a day for myself.
But you didn't have
nothing to do with it, no.
I don't usually go to a place if
I don't know where I'm going.
Ah, you'll see it soon
enough, old woman.
I ain't sure Worthless and me
wants to go for a ride with you.
Oh, you're gonna like
it when you get there.
How come you brought your horse?
Oh, might find another deer
than needs killing, dragging back.
Now, you're just
full of talk, ain't ya?
I am when
somebody's got secrets.
Hyah! Giddyup, Worthless!
Don't do that to
her! She don't like it.
What do you mean,
she don't like it?
How do you know what she
likes and what she don't like?
She tell you, does she?
Yes. She talks to
me and I talk to her.
Come on, Worthless, honey.
And if you want to call me
looney, you go ahead, if you want to.
No, I had, uh, I had me
a looney grandma once.
On my pa's side.
You remind me of her some.
Oh, you windbag.
Yup, old Grandma
Tensely was her name.
Gray hair all kinda poking out
from a little bun-like
thing in the back.
Her little eyes just
as sharp as daggers.
And her mouth. Whoo!
Whole mouth would never stop
talking from sunup to sundown.
Oh...
Oh, but I loved that
old woman, I did.
She sure was good to me.
I remind you of her?
Your mouth does,
always going on like hers.
Yeah, you know, she used to...
She used to pick me up
and put me up on her lap.
Tell me all kinds of stories.
She even used to give me a
little dip out of her snuff can
when she thought
nobody was watching.
I could give you a chew.
Oh, no. No thanks.
You do enough
for the both of us.
Yeah, you know, everybody
thought she was crazy but me.
I always wanted to
do something for her.
Give her a little something
better than she had.
I never got a chance.
By the time I had
anything, she died.
She ain't buried
out here, is she?
Hyah! Giddyup, Worthless.
Put a little muscle into it, girl!
We're going to a party. Come on!
Whoa! Whoa.
But this is where I found ya.
Well, are we just gonna
sit here till snow flies?
Tell me something, old woman.
Have you ever, in your whole life,
ever had a real birthday present?
What, you mean something
I didn't get for myself?
Something somebody give me?
Yup. That's what I mean.
No, I can't say that I have.
Why would somebody
want to give me something?
Well, maybe
because they liked ya?
Maybe because you done
something nice for them, huh?
I never did nothing
nice for nobody,
and nobody never did nothing nice
for me and that's the way I want it.
Is it?
Why don't you just say what
you want to say? Blurt it out!
Straight!
All right.
Come on.
Come on.
I'm gonna give you...
the best birthday present
that you ever seen, old woman.
You've been lying
all the time, ain't ya?
I tried to pick the truth
out of what you said.
Hm. Thought I did.
$1,200, Sally Fergus.
For saving my life.
It's stole, ain't it?
What's that got to do with it?
It's money.
Ain't nobody asking
where it come from.
I-I'm offering you a present.
Half of everything I got.
That's more money than
you seen in your whole life.
Well, say something.
It's stole.
It ain't yours to give.
Now, you take this
money, and I ain't fooling.
Buy you some teeth, maybe.
Maybe a dress or two.
Anything you want, you can have.
Who wants it?!
No, sir, I don't want it!
What do you mean
you don't want it?
You're a stupid old
woman, you know that?
Stupid and crazy.
I may be crazy,
but I ain't crazy enough to
get mixed up with robbers
and people that would shoot
ya just as soon as look at ya!
You better take that
money to Matt Dillon.
Oh, sure, yeah,
yeah. And go to jail.
Oh, you really are out of
your head, you know that?
You brung your
horse... to go away.
You was gonna give me the
money and then make a getaway.
Yeah.
Yeah, and by damn,
that's what I'm gonna do.
And leave you here.
Leave you here to pick
up junk till your old shack
looks like a
graveyard for all I care.
My shack may look
like a graveyard,
but when I walk down the street,
I don't have to hang my head.
- Do you hear that?
- I hear ya.
That's the last I'm gonna have
to listen to from you, old woman.
Hyah!
P-Pike!
Hyah, hyah!
Hyah!
I been raspy to ya.
But I wish you'd stay a while.
Come back.
Come back, please.
There we go.
Go on, honey. Get
something to eat.
Just you and me again.
Find something to eat.
Afternoon, ma'am.
What are you doing in my place?
We're just sampling
some of your whiskey, here.
Well, you got the
whiskey, now get out.
Ain't very neighborly of you, turning
strangers away from your door.
We're looking for
a friend of ours.
Maybe you seen
him? Name of Pike.
I haven't seen nobody.
But you better get out of here or
I'll take my musket and I'll blast ya.
Now, ma'am... you
seen him all right.
Lookie there.
And you're gonna tell us
where he's at now, ain't ya.
Huh?
That old woman's really crazy.
Crazier than a bedbug,
that old woman is.
And twice as worrisome.
Stole money.
Well, like anybody cared.
She can just stay back,
then get as fallen down
as that old shack
of hers for all I care.
I'm going to go
to the gold fields.
Get rich like nobody
ever dreamed of.
I don't need her. I don't
need that old woman.
I don't need nobody!
I told ya, I found that
shirt out on the prairie.
If it's yours, take it.
I just kept it 'cause I
was gonna wash it up
and try to sell it and
make a few pennies.
You know, pretty
thing, the three of us,
we got a mean streak that runs
all the way down to the quick.
And, uh, it's just
aching to come out.
Now, you'd be better
off telling us where he is.
I don't know who
you're talking about.
Well, it don't seem
that way to me, now.
You nursed him, didn't you?
Old hag, we'd like to
do things the easy way.
Ah!
Now, before I kick in
the rest of your teeth,
suppose you tell
us where Pike's at.
Hey, listen, lots of
pretty bottles over here.
What do you do with
them? Do you sell them?
How much is, uh,
that one worth, pretty thing?
She probably shot herself
when she realized how
much money she turned down.
You figure that?
Just like her to
miss on the first try.
Ah! Come on.
And that one!
Well, it looks like you
ain't got much left to sell.
That don't mean nothing.
Them's just bottles.
You don't tell us today,
we'll burn your shack down.
Then we'll kill you.
Go ahead!
Me and that old shack have
seen our best days, anyway.
I'll start with that mule.
You kind of like
that old mule, do ya?
No!
Don't you harm my mule!
I'll tell you.
He went to Dodge.
What for?
I don't know.
He didn't tell me nothing.
What about the law
there? Matt Dillon, ain't it?
Yeah, but he isn't there.
He come by here today
on his way to Hays City.
What for?
He said he was
tracking some scum
who robbed the
freight office in Dodge.
Pike's in Dodge,
the law's in Hays.
That makes it kind
of nice, don't it?
Let's get to riding.
Don't.
Please, mister.
Don't... Don't hurt Worthless...
She's all I got!
That's her name, is it?
No!
What happened?
It's all right, it's all right.
- What happened?
- They shot her.
My poor Worthless.
Who never done nobody no harm.
They shot her
'cause of meanness.
- Oh...
- She ain't dead yet.
Who was it?
Three men?
It's all right, honey.
What did you tell them?
Say, you got to get out
of here. They're after you.
I'll take care of my mule.
What did you tell them?
I told 'em... that
you was in Dodge.
They believe ya?
Poor honey...
Oh, my little honey.
I'll put her out of her
pain if you want me to.
Put her out of her pain?
Oh... She's just an old mule!
Listen, you leave her be.
She's the only thing
that... that ever loved me
just because I was me.
I hope you find your gold, Pike.
And your house... on the hill.
Must be out of my crazy head.
There's some laudanum
in the shack... Get it!
We'll try and pour it down her, get
her onto her feet and onto the wagon.
Use my horse to
get her into Dodge.
You mean, we're
gonna take her to Doc?
Yeah, she might make it if we
can tie her down good and snug.
But we can't use your
horse, you got to get away.
Go on! Before I change my
mind and do what's logical.
I know that will do the
work. I made that myself.
It probably tastes...
Now, the main thing is,
just don't let them take
any more than it says there.
'Cause it's pretty...
- Evening, Miss Kitty.
- Hello, Festus.
- How are ya?
- Doc.
Well, looks like you got
yourself a new label in there.
Sure does have
a lot of ingredients.
Yes, oh yes.
New, is it?
There I go again.
Good heavens, that's
that same cough.
Yeah, it's the same cough.
Well, I was just
gonna have me a beer,
but now I reckon I better
have something a little stouter.
You sound terrible.
Oh, Miss Kitty, it's that...
blamed hackety cough.
I just can't get rid of it.
I reckon it's all that
prairie dust, you know.
Uh, well, um...
Say, would you like
to try some of this?
I can't guarantee
how it's gonna taste...
Oh, foot, Miss Kitty.
When a feller's in need,
he don't give a
hoot about the taste.
Yes'm, I'll try some.
Must be something
that's going around.
Sure hope it helps.
It probably will, Miss... Kitty.
Well, I-I thought
you'd... just like to taste it.
You know, you
might not like this.
Oh, Miss Kitty, if you want
me to give her a good sampling,
you might as well
just go ahead on,
fill her on up.
C-Coal oil... Castor oil...
Well, what's the matter,
Festus, don't you like that?
You ornery old skutter, you,
that's the very same stuff
you tried to palm off on me.
I never tried to palm
anything off on you!
This ought to cure you
from mooching drinks!
I want to... I'm just
gonna tell you...
- Doc?
- Yeah.
Sally Fergus is down at the
livery, wants to see you right away.
- What about?
- Well, her mule's in a bad way.
Good heavens, I got more to
do than take care of sick mules.
If it wasn't for doctoring mules,
you wouldn't have no business at all.
Oh, shut up.
Blamed old sneaky scamp.
We better get on outta here. That
old woman's gonna have us in jail.
Settle down a minute.
Festus, I'm partially
to blame for this.
I'm sorry. Here.
Chase it down with some of this.
- It's on the house.
- Much obliged, Miss Kitty.
Oh.
Yeah. That there's more like it.
That there's more like it.
Now move out real casual.
Her wagon.
The saddlebags.
Pike: How is she, Doc?
She's not feeling any pain.
How much laudanum
did you give her, Sally?
More than half a bottle.
We didn't know if it was the
same for a mule as a human.
It just might have
saved her life.
Kept her from shock.
I'll take the bullet out
and she'll be all right.
I'll get my horse unhitched.
She's better.
Pike!
- Hold on...
- Marshal, stop 'em!
They're the men
you been looking for!
Drop it! Drop it right there.
Get back.
All right, turn around.
Well...
Never figured I'd get
to spend it, anyway.
Morning, Festus.
Morning, Miss Sally.
Morning, Marshal.
I'd like to see Pike.
Well... go right
in, Miss Fergus.
Matthew, did you see that?
Let's go and take
a breather outside.
Well, did you bring
me a file, old lady?
Nope,
but if you want to gnaw your
way out of here, I can help you.
Doc says you paid for 'em.
Sure hope the
money wasn't stole.
No.
I had me some
money I worked for.
Like 'em?
I think you look
fine, Sally Fergus.
Just fine.
Doc says that I'll
get used to 'em,
but I still feel like I got
a mouth full of marbles.
I whistle and clack a
lot but it's sure worth it.
Say, uh... got a little business
I want to talk over with you.
When you get out of prison, are you
still figurin' on goin' to them goldfields?
Figured I might.
Well, my place ain't much...
but it's mine.
It's all mine.
And I ain't got no family.
And you ain't got no family.
So...
So?
Well... when
you get out of jail,
if you want to come
there and stay a while,
you can.
What makes you
think I need mothering?
Mothering don't get it.
You just need somebody smarter
than you to keep you out of trouble.
Smarter than me? You?
Well, I'm on the other
side of these bars, ain't I?
Well, I... I'll think it over.
Well, don't take too long.
And remember this, there's a lot
of other young bucks in the woods.
Well, now, is that so?
Yeah, that's so.
So, while you're making up your
mind, I'll be over at Delmonico's,
saying howdy to a few of 'em.
And chewing myself
a nice, juicy steak.
Hey! Old woman!
Expect me about September.
September? What
was that there all about?
That there about...
Old Sally Fergus...
just got herself a date.
Good day, gents.
Mister, I want me a steak.
Announcer: Stay tuned for exciting
scenes from our next Gunsmoke.
Subtitled by Post Haste Digital
with Milburn Stone as Doc...
Amanda Blake as Kitty...
Ken Curtis as Festus...
Buck Taylor as Newly...
and starring...
James Arness as Matt Dillon.
♪♪
I shot one of 'em.
Newly, Burke, get your horses.
The rest of you, saddle
up. Let's get after them.
You ain't gonna make it, boy.
He won't last the day.
Move away.
Now, the money. Put
it in the saddle bag.
♪ Oh, potatoes, they
grow small in Kansas ♪
♪ Oh, potatoes, they
grow small in Kansas ♪
♪ Oh, potatoes, they grow
small, and they dig 'em in the fall ♪
♪ And they eat 'em,
eyes and all in Kansas ♪
Whoa!
Hey.
Hey, you, on the ground there.
You drunk... or hurt, or what?
Both, maybe.
Oh. Sore meat.
No, sir, not me.
Lord?
Did you ever see a fool?
Any particular reason?
Fool had a gun hidden there.
Now, let's find Pike.
Macomb, how are
we gonna do that?
We'll scratch every part
of Kansas if we gotta.
One, he's got the money.
Two, the law catches up
with him, he can identify us.
Three, it'll be a pleasure
watching him bleed more than he is.
Hyah!
Well, I got all that lead out.
What's your name, boy?
Pike.
Cyrus Pike.
I suppose it ain't none of my
business how you got them bullets in ya.
It was outlaws.
Well, they done a good
job, I'll say that for 'em.
Miss Kitty.
Uh, couple of you fellers get these
horses on down to the stable, will you?
Matthew get back, did he?
No, haven't heard a word.
Did you have any luck?
No. Just like them gillyhoos
got theirselves swallered up.
We been at it all
day and half the night.
Like I told ya in the first
place, I can't examine ya
unless you take off
part of your clothes.
I knowed it.
You get me up onto here and then
you want to get my clothes off of me.
Well, I ain't gonna do it.
You just have to hide
your disappointment.
Well, you come up here and
you got a pain in your lower back.
How do you expect me to
find it unless I can feel of you?
Nobody's gonna feel of me.
Sally,
you haven't by any chance seen
four men riding out on the prairie
the last couple of
days, have you?
Thanks. Want a sliver?
No, thank you.
No, I seen a couple
of buffalo hunters.
Why?
Well, we were robbed
here Monday night.
I just thought you might have
come across them out there.
Well, no.
Seen them buffalo grizzlies
and some lizards, and...
that's all.
Well, keep your eyes open for
me if you're out there, will ya?
All right, Sally.
Oh! I've got to unhitch you later
and give you something to eat.
But I've got a little
errand of mercy.
Well, it wasn't
easy but we got it.
Where's the boy?
Where's the boy gone?
Oh.
Pike!
Pike!
Sally: Can you tell me
why you tried to run off?
Pike: I...
I don't want to cause
you no more trouble.
Didn't want to cause
me no more trouble?
You did that already.
Laudanum's got to taste
bad or else it don't do no good.
I seen the marshal
today in Dodge.
He told me there'd
been a robbery in town.
What'd you say?
I said I knew it.
Said I knew who the robber
was, had him home in my bed,
that he was shot
up something fearful.
Nah, they'd have been here
by now if you told them that.
Just wanted you to see that
I can lie as good as you can.
I... I... I guess...
I guess I got to own up to it.
I was one of them that...
held up that freight office.
Stupid thing for me to do.
Me, just green from Arkansas.
Fell into bad company.
You believe that, don't ya?
You're telling it.
Them I fell in with just...
they didn't want to share.
Shot and left me to die.
Took all the money, they did.
The rest is like I told ya.
Well?
Well... what do you say to that?
I'll say to that...
that in a day or two you're gonna
be able to hang onto that saddle horn
as good as you can lie,
and I'll be glad rid of you.
Hicks.
Macomb says you can eat now.
Oh, I can't wait.
All right, keep a sharp eye.
Over a week. He could have hit a
stage and been in the Nations by now.
We'll find him.
Cold beans.
Nobody'd see a fire out here.
Not if there ain't none.
You want to strike out
on your own, go ahead.
No, that ain't it.
He might be laying dead out
there in the prairie somewhere.
I hope he ain't.
If he's lying dead on the prairie,
we'll find him covered with sand.
If he ain't dead yet,
I'll cover him up personally.
Well, he was here.
Or somebody was,
bleeding pretty bad, too.
I kind of figured he wouldn't ride
too far with them bullets in him.
Yeah, but he did ride out.
Unless they buried
him around here.
Let's keep looking.
Afternoon.
Where did you get that shirt?
Oh, I found it over in
that trunk over there.
Mine was kind of messed up, so I
washed it out while you was gone.
Goes through folks' stuff
when they's away, do ya?
Raised like trash, was you?
I didn't figure you'd mind.
Do ya?
Hm!
Here, I fixed this up for ya.
I never asked ya to.
Well, I know that. I wanted to.
You got any paint?
Yes, I got paint.
Any particular color you like?
That's her.
You like rabbit stew, do ya?
Too stringy.
You know, I thought we
might eat out by the lake today.
Already fixed up a table.
That suit ya, does it?
Well, here we are,
like a couple of savages
out here with the bugs
and the tree droppings.
That sure ain't civilized.
Well, tell me, old
lady. Was it stringy?
Not as bad as most.
Oh, compliments just don't
come natural to you, do they?
Folks that gush
just want something.
Look at my Worthless.
Well... Well, you've
got most all of it,
that's for certain.
I don't want nothin' I ain't got.
And I don't need anything more.
What are you collecting all
that junk at the house for?
That ain't junk.
That's just good
things that need fixing.
Mm.
Where do you get it all?
The prairie.
Folks movin' west.
They start out with
their wagons piled high
but it don't take long to find
out the wagon bogs down.
Then they got to unload.
It's amazin' what they find they can
do without once the goin' gets rocky.
I kinda think I can make up
stories about them, what they is like.
What they was thinkin'
when they were unsatisfied.
What made 'em want
to go to the far west.
Well, I'll tell you
somethin', old lady,
it don't take much makin' up.
They're goin' out to
get rich. Dig for gold.
Gold ain't no good for nobody.
Oh, is that so?
Tell me, you plan on keeping
all those good things at the house
for yourself, do ya?
I plan on fixing 'em
up and selling them.
Oh. Selling them?
Selling them for what?
For money, and it
ain't the same as gold.
Well, let me tell you
somethin', old lady,
you got money, you got
gold, and everything changes.
I mean you're somebody.
You can live in a big
old house way up on a hill
and look down on everybody.
That's important to you, huh?
Looking down on somebody?
It is to me.
That's why when I'm fit I'm riding
out of here and into the gold fields.
I don't ever want to see
Arkansas or Kansas again.
Oh... being rich.
It's the only way to be.
Your folks, I suppose
they was dirt-poor farmers
who had to scratch
for everything they got.
- Huh?
- Maybe.
Well, half of what they scratched
for went to some gold hoarder
lived up on top of a
hill in a fancy house.
Suppose that's about
right, too, ain't it?
Well, it ain't that I don't
think money's good.
I can spend my share
if I had it, I'll tell you.
Hey, tell me
something, old lady.
You had all the
money in the world,
what would you
buy first off, huh?
Chompers. Crockery. Store teeth.
Well, I never figured that.
Yes, sir.
I'd buy me a set of them fancy,
white, porcelain store teeth
and then I'd get
me a slab of steak
and I'd chew right through her!
Then I'd go down into town
and I'd smile at everybody,
showing off.
You know something?
They wouldn't call
me names no more.
You mean... You
mean they do that to ya?
Oh, kids mostly.
They're just teasing.
I don't care. Gives 'em a chance
to feel better than somebody else.
All of us have to do
that once in a while.
Well, are you gonna clean
up this mess or just sit there?
Yup.
Ah, never mind. Sit there.
You're mending. I'll do it.
Worthless, come on, honey.
Oh, I wish I'd known you when.
Need some help?
Oh, no thanks.
I'm a stickler for
keeping things clean.
What are all these for?
Oh, I sell 'em. A penny a pound.
These are like
money in the bank.
Hey, you get hid.
- Hello, Sally.
- Afternoon, Sally.
Howdy, Marshal, Festus.
You still looking for varmints?
That's right, and that's
a good name for 'em too.
They killed a man over in
Scullyville a couple days ago.
Sally: Is that so?
You haven't seen
anybody since we talked?
Uh, no.
No, I can't say I have.
Matt: Well, I guess we might
as well head back to Dodge
and start lookin'
again tomorrow.
- Thanks, Sally.
- Much obliged, Miss Sally.
Yeah, uh... so long.
Lies come from your
mouth real natural-like, lady.
They said a killin'.
Don't know nothing about that.
Must have been after I let out.
You sure?
Two days ago, he
said. I was right here.
I been here for over
a week, you know that.
What are you gonna do?
Nothing.
Gonna stay for a while?
Stay here a while?
I might as well. I got
me a real fine palace.
And some of the best
company for miles around.
Ah, you're mocking me.
Mocking? I ain't
mocking at all, old woman.
I'm just being grateful.
Fact is, I might just move
in with ya, permanent.
Oh, never mind overdoing it.
You know, I think, uh,
I think I'm gonna do
me a little bit of hunting.
Hunting?
Yeah, I'm a little tired
of that old rabbit stew
with black-eyed peas.
Say, you know, them gold
fields is awful cold and wet.
Oregon, too.
In Colorado they got
ice and snow to boot.
Well, I ain't going to the
gold fields, I'm going hunting.
My horse still
down in the gulley?
Kansas is the country.
Kansas got everything
a fella could ask for.
I ain't going yet.
♪♪
Sally Fergus, you're
off your noodle.
You crazy old fool.
He don't give a spit
in a holler about you.
No. In the first place,
he ain't comin' back.
And in the second place,
the third and the fourth place,
if he did come back, you'd
be better off to be rid of him.
Where's my towel?
Oh, there it is.
And in the fifth place...
Oh yeah, there it is...
If he did come back,
he don't need a mother.
Most of all, he don't
need an old hag like you.
Oh, the...
the rust on them elbows
has set in by a good ten years.
That ain't gonna come
off with pig bristles and lye.
Oh!
Maybe you're right, Worthless.
I never went through
this for nobody,
not when I was 17 years
young, let alone 67 years old.
But it goes to show you what
happens when you go without your hat.
Too much sun
scrambles your brains.
Bah. He ain't gonna
stay on here anyway.
No matter what.
Don't you say one
single solitary thing.
It ain't worth the
pain, I'll tell you that.
♪♪
Hey, lady!
Lady!
You came back! You came back!
Well, look at you, old woman.
Don't look at me,
look at that venison
steak up there,
all ready for the fire.
You think you can chew it?
Oh, I'm gonna chew it. I'll
gum it to death if I got to.
Hey, did you take a bath and
get all gussied up just for me?
Oh, no. No.
No, I took a bath... I took a
bath because it's my birthday.
Your birthday?
Well... Well, what's the date?
I don't... Well, I don't
know the date of my birth.
I just pick a day, uh...
I just pick a day for myself.
But you didn't have
nothing to do with it, no.
I don't usually go to a place if
I don't know where I'm going.
Ah, you'll see it soon
enough, old woman.
I ain't sure Worthless and me
wants to go for a ride with you.
Oh, you're gonna like
it when you get there.
How come you brought your horse?
Oh, might find another deer
than needs killing, dragging back.
Now, you're just
full of talk, ain't ya?
I am when
somebody's got secrets.
Hyah! Giddyup, Worthless!
Don't do that to
her! She don't like it.
What do you mean,
she don't like it?
How do you know what she
likes and what she don't like?
She tell you, does she?
Yes. She talks to
me and I talk to her.
Come on, Worthless, honey.
And if you want to call me
looney, you go ahead, if you want to.
No, I had, uh, I had me
a looney grandma once.
On my pa's side.
You remind me of her some.
Oh, you windbag.
Yup, old Grandma
Tensely was her name.
Gray hair all kinda poking out
from a little bun-like
thing in the back.
Her little eyes just
as sharp as daggers.
And her mouth. Whoo!
Whole mouth would never stop
talking from sunup to sundown.
Oh...
Oh, but I loved that
old woman, I did.
She sure was good to me.
I remind you of her?
Your mouth does,
always going on like hers.
Yeah, you know, she used to...
She used to pick me up
and put me up on her lap.
Tell me all kinds of stories.
She even used to give me a
little dip out of her snuff can
when she thought
nobody was watching.
I could give you a chew.
Oh, no. No thanks.
You do enough
for the both of us.
Yeah, you know, everybody
thought she was crazy but me.
I always wanted to
do something for her.
Give her a little something
better than she had.
I never got a chance.
By the time I had
anything, she died.
She ain't buried
out here, is she?
Hyah! Giddyup, Worthless.
Put a little muscle into it, girl!
We're going to a party. Come on!
Whoa! Whoa.
But this is where I found ya.
Well, are we just gonna
sit here till snow flies?
Tell me something, old woman.
Have you ever, in your whole life,
ever had a real birthday present?
What, you mean something
I didn't get for myself?
Something somebody give me?
Yup. That's what I mean.
No, I can't say that I have.
Why would somebody
want to give me something?
Well, maybe
because they liked ya?
Maybe because you done
something nice for them, huh?
I never did nothing
nice for nobody,
and nobody never did nothing nice
for me and that's the way I want it.
Is it?
Why don't you just say what
you want to say? Blurt it out!
Straight!
All right.
Come on.
Come on.
I'm gonna give you...
the best birthday present
that you ever seen, old woman.
You've been lying
all the time, ain't ya?
I tried to pick the truth
out of what you said.
Hm. Thought I did.
$1,200, Sally Fergus.
For saving my life.
It's stole, ain't it?
What's that got to do with it?
It's money.
Ain't nobody asking
where it come from.
I-I'm offering you a present.
Half of everything I got.
That's more money than
you seen in your whole life.
Well, say something.
It's stole.
It ain't yours to give.
Now, you take this
money, and I ain't fooling.
Buy you some teeth, maybe.
Maybe a dress or two.
Anything you want, you can have.
Who wants it?!
No, sir, I don't want it!
What do you mean
you don't want it?
You're a stupid old
woman, you know that?
Stupid and crazy.
I may be crazy,
but I ain't crazy enough to
get mixed up with robbers
and people that would shoot
ya just as soon as look at ya!
You better take that
money to Matt Dillon.
Oh, sure, yeah,
yeah. And go to jail.
Oh, you really are out of
your head, you know that?
You brung your
horse... to go away.
You was gonna give me the
money and then make a getaway.
Yeah.
Yeah, and by damn,
that's what I'm gonna do.
And leave you here.
Leave you here to pick
up junk till your old shack
looks like a
graveyard for all I care.
My shack may look
like a graveyard,
but when I walk down the street,
I don't have to hang my head.
- Do you hear that?
- I hear ya.
That's the last I'm gonna have
to listen to from you, old woman.
Hyah!
P-Pike!
Hyah, hyah!
Hyah!
I been raspy to ya.
But I wish you'd stay a while.
Come back.
Come back, please.
There we go.
Go on, honey. Get
something to eat.
Just you and me again.
Find something to eat.
Afternoon, ma'am.
What are you doing in my place?
We're just sampling
some of your whiskey, here.
Well, you got the
whiskey, now get out.
Ain't very neighborly of you, turning
strangers away from your door.
We're looking for
a friend of ours.
Maybe you seen
him? Name of Pike.
I haven't seen nobody.
But you better get out of here or
I'll take my musket and I'll blast ya.
Now, ma'am... you
seen him all right.
Lookie there.
And you're gonna tell us
where he's at now, ain't ya.
Huh?
That old woman's really crazy.
Crazier than a bedbug,
that old woman is.
And twice as worrisome.
Stole money.
Well, like anybody cared.
She can just stay back,
then get as fallen down
as that old shack
of hers for all I care.
I'm going to go
to the gold fields.
Get rich like nobody
ever dreamed of.
I don't need her. I don't
need that old woman.
I don't need nobody!
I told ya, I found that
shirt out on the prairie.
If it's yours, take it.
I just kept it 'cause I
was gonna wash it up
and try to sell it and
make a few pennies.
You know, pretty
thing, the three of us,
we got a mean streak that runs
all the way down to the quick.
And, uh, it's just
aching to come out.
Now, you'd be better
off telling us where he is.
I don't know who
you're talking about.
Well, it don't seem
that way to me, now.
You nursed him, didn't you?
Old hag, we'd like to
do things the easy way.
Ah!
Now, before I kick in
the rest of your teeth,
suppose you tell
us where Pike's at.
Hey, listen, lots of
pretty bottles over here.
What do you do with
them? Do you sell them?
How much is, uh,
that one worth, pretty thing?
She probably shot herself
when she realized how
much money she turned down.
You figure that?
Just like her to
miss on the first try.
Ah! Come on.
And that one!
Well, it looks like you
ain't got much left to sell.
That don't mean nothing.
Them's just bottles.
You don't tell us today,
we'll burn your shack down.
Then we'll kill you.
Go ahead!
Me and that old shack have
seen our best days, anyway.
I'll start with that mule.
You kind of like
that old mule, do ya?
No!
Don't you harm my mule!
I'll tell you.
He went to Dodge.
What for?
I don't know.
He didn't tell me nothing.
What about the law
there? Matt Dillon, ain't it?
Yeah, but he isn't there.
He come by here today
on his way to Hays City.
What for?
He said he was
tracking some scum
who robbed the
freight office in Dodge.
Pike's in Dodge,
the law's in Hays.
That makes it kind
of nice, don't it?
Let's get to riding.
Don't.
Please, mister.
Don't... Don't hurt Worthless...
She's all I got!
That's her name, is it?
No!
What happened?
It's all right, it's all right.
- What happened?
- They shot her.
My poor Worthless.
Who never done nobody no harm.
They shot her
'cause of meanness.
- Oh...
- She ain't dead yet.
Who was it?
Three men?
It's all right, honey.
What did you tell them?
Say, you got to get out
of here. They're after you.
I'll take care of my mule.
What did you tell them?
I told 'em... that
you was in Dodge.
They believe ya?
Poor honey...
Oh, my little honey.
I'll put her out of her
pain if you want me to.
Put her out of her pain?
Oh... She's just an old mule!
Listen, you leave her be.
She's the only thing
that... that ever loved me
just because I was me.
I hope you find your gold, Pike.
And your house... on the hill.
Must be out of my crazy head.
There's some laudanum
in the shack... Get it!
We'll try and pour it down her, get
her onto her feet and onto the wagon.
Use my horse to
get her into Dodge.
You mean, we're
gonna take her to Doc?
Yeah, she might make it if we
can tie her down good and snug.
But we can't use your
horse, you got to get away.
Go on! Before I change my
mind and do what's logical.
I know that will do the
work. I made that myself.
It probably tastes...
Now, the main thing is,
just don't let them take
any more than it says there.
'Cause it's pretty...
- Evening, Miss Kitty.
- Hello, Festus.
- How are ya?
- Doc.
Well, looks like you got
yourself a new label in there.
Sure does have
a lot of ingredients.
Yes, oh yes.
New, is it?
There I go again.
Good heavens, that's
that same cough.
Yeah, it's the same cough.
Well, I was just
gonna have me a beer,
but now I reckon I better
have something a little stouter.
You sound terrible.
Oh, Miss Kitty, it's that...
blamed hackety cough.
I just can't get rid of it.
I reckon it's all that
prairie dust, you know.
Uh, well, um...
Say, would you like
to try some of this?
I can't guarantee
how it's gonna taste...
Oh, foot, Miss Kitty.
When a feller's in need,
he don't give a
hoot about the taste.
Yes'm, I'll try some.
Must be something
that's going around.
Sure hope it helps.
It probably will, Miss... Kitty.
Well, I-I thought
you'd... just like to taste it.
You know, you
might not like this.
Oh, Miss Kitty, if you want
me to give her a good sampling,
you might as well
just go ahead on,
fill her on up.
C-Coal oil... Castor oil...
Well, what's the matter,
Festus, don't you like that?
You ornery old skutter, you,
that's the very same stuff
you tried to palm off on me.
I never tried to palm
anything off on you!
This ought to cure you
from mooching drinks!
I want to... I'm just
gonna tell you...
- Doc?
- Yeah.
Sally Fergus is down at the
livery, wants to see you right away.
- What about?
- Well, her mule's in a bad way.
Good heavens, I got more to
do than take care of sick mules.
If it wasn't for doctoring mules,
you wouldn't have no business at all.
Oh, shut up.
Blamed old sneaky scamp.
We better get on outta here. That
old woman's gonna have us in jail.
Settle down a minute.
Festus, I'm partially
to blame for this.
I'm sorry. Here.
Chase it down with some of this.
- It's on the house.
- Much obliged, Miss Kitty.
Oh.
Yeah. That there's more like it.
That there's more like it.
Now move out real casual.
Her wagon.
The saddlebags.
Pike: How is she, Doc?
She's not feeling any pain.
How much laudanum
did you give her, Sally?
More than half a bottle.
We didn't know if it was the
same for a mule as a human.
It just might have
saved her life.
Kept her from shock.
I'll take the bullet out
and she'll be all right.
I'll get my horse unhitched.
She's better.
Pike!
- Hold on...
- Marshal, stop 'em!
They're the men
you been looking for!
Drop it! Drop it right there.
Get back.
All right, turn around.
Well...
Never figured I'd get
to spend it, anyway.
Morning, Festus.
Morning, Miss Sally.
Morning, Marshal.
I'd like to see Pike.
Well... go right
in, Miss Fergus.
Matthew, did you see that?
Let's go and take
a breather outside.
Well, did you bring
me a file, old lady?
Nope,
but if you want to gnaw your
way out of here, I can help you.
Doc says you paid for 'em.
Sure hope the
money wasn't stole.
No.
I had me some
money I worked for.
Like 'em?
I think you look
fine, Sally Fergus.
Just fine.
Doc says that I'll
get used to 'em,
but I still feel like I got
a mouth full of marbles.
I whistle and clack a
lot but it's sure worth it.
Say, uh... got a little business
I want to talk over with you.
When you get out of prison, are you
still figurin' on goin' to them goldfields?
Figured I might.
Well, my place ain't much...
but it's mine.
It's all mine.
And I ain't got no family.
And you ain't got no family.
So...
So?
Well... when
you get out of jail,
if you want to come
there and stay a while,
you can.
What makes you
think I need mothering?
Mothering don't get it.
You just need somebody smarter
than you to keep you out of trouble.
Smarter than me? You?
Well, I'm on the other
side of these bars, ain't I?
Well, I... I'll think it over.
Well, don't take too long.
And remember this, there's a lot
of other young bucks in the woods.
Well, now, is that so?
Yeah, that's so.
So, while you're making up your
mind, I'll be over at Delmonico's,
saying howdy to a few of 'em.
And chewing myself
a nice, juicy steak.
Hey! Old woman!
Expect me about September.
September? What
was that there all about?
That there about...
Old Sally Fergus...
just got herself a date.
Good day, gents.
Mister, I want me a steak.
Announcer: Stay tuned for exciting
scenes from our next Gunsmoke.
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