Gunsmoke (1955–1975): Season 11, Episode 22 - Wishbone - full transcript

Festus has a habit of using the wishbone from a dead chicken for making wishes on. When he comes across the doc, alone and snakebit, he uses that wish to help him, if it can.

(dramatic theme music playing)

(both guns fire)

ANNOUNCER: starring
James Arness as Matt Dillon.

That's all.

That's everything.

Holding out on me, huh?

No, no, honest!
Honest, I didn't!

Honestly... (stammers, grunts)

You know, I always did
like to save the frosting

on the cake till last.


Now, ain't it a sad thing
I only got a little time?

Ain't it a sad thing?


(woman shouts)


- (gasps)
- (chuckles)

- How 'bout me?
- No! No!

(woman screams)

You all right, Spellman?


Let's get out of here.

(grunts in pain)

(gasping, crying hysterically)

(theme music playing)

What I mean is, it's
just like anything else.

There's some folks knows
how better than other folks does.

Pass the taters.

Well, I don't claim...

claim to be any
expert on it, but, to me,

chicken is just chicken.

Oh, no, no, that
just ain't true at all.

Now, you take my
Aunt Tory Heebes.

- Who?
- Why, she could...

Wait a minute. Who?

Aunt Tory in Peosta.

Pass the gravy.

Now, that woman could
cook a chicken so tender

that you could
eat the entire bird,

bones and all.

Feathers, too, I suppose.

Don't be a smart aleck.

Now, I mean when Aunt
Tory cooked a chicken,

there wasn't even a smell left.

They wasn't nothing,

except the wishy bone.

(mutters): The wha...?

The wishy bone?

This here part.

Nobody ever eat that,
saved it for wishing.

- That's for kids.
- What is?

Wishing on a wishbone.

Well, of course
it is, but not just.

Doc, I'm surprised at you.

You mean you ain't never
wished on a wishy bone?

Festus, that's a wishbone,

and I have not wished
on a wishbone of a chicken

since I was ten years old.

Now why don't you hush up and...

And-and you don't
have no store in it, Doc?

Oh, of course
not. It's ridiculous.

Well, for fair, I hope
you don't win then.

Win what?

The big part, so's
you get your wish.

Now go on.

Why don't you put that thing...

You got people
looking at us here.

I don't give a hoot.

I ain't never eat a
chicken in my born days

that I didn't wish
on the wishy bone.

I can understand
that. Certainly.

That's because you're...
you're a little silly.

Well, I ain't silly enough
to pass up seeing

who gets his wish or who don't.

Now go on, take a holt.

For your own good.

Let me tell you something
for your own good.

You don't know
a thing about that.

Now, when we were kids,
we used to let that dry out

for about a week,
till it was just as dry...

All right. Did your wish
ever come to pass?

Oh, of course not. They
never come to pass...

Well, there you are, you see?

Now, go on, take a holt.

Doc, please.

All right.


You're fudging.

Get that thumb down.

DOC: Huh.

All right.

Does that suit you?

(gasping anxiously)

Pull her.

You see, I got the big part.

I get my wish and
you don't get nothin'.

Well, that's just fine with me.
Now, what are you gonna wish?

Well, I can't tell you that.

Oh, excuse me.

You know, I ain't saw
my cousin Bummie

in purty nigh three years.

I could wish that he'd come
right here to Dodge City.

But you can't tell me.

Well, I ain't gonna wish that.


I could wish for Aunt Theodore
to get herself a new well rope.

Well, now you went and told me.

Well, I ain't gonna
wish that neither.

Well, what in thunder
you gonna wish?

I told you I can't
tell you that!

Now, I could wish that you'd
sweeten up a mite, I reckon.

By thunder, I'm
gonna get out of here

before you get violent on me.

All right. Go ahead on.

But don't you forget
I got the big part

and I got me a wish a-comin'.

Don't you forget that.



I'll see you dead
for leaving me.

Doc, the stage was
held up in Topeka.

They killed the driver,
wounded the guard

and I sent 'em on up
to your office just now.

- I'll get over there.
- All right. -THAD: Doc?

- (woman sobbing deeply)
- You-you all right, ma'am?

I don't think she's hurt.
I think she's just scared.

Well, I can understand
that. You're all right now.

Now, Thad, take her over

to the Long Branch to see Kitty.

All right. Come on.

It's all right. It's okay.

WOMAN (crying):
It's awful... just awful...

- Okay, Jim.
- (onlookers murmur, chatter)

Matthew, I heared
about the holdup.

Yeah, I'm going out and try
and track 'em down right now.

- You want me to go with you?
- No, I want you and Thad

to stay here and
keep an eye on town.

Ever what you say.
I'll get your horse.


Who be you?

Name's Matt Dillon, Mr. Tonkin.

What's wrong, Marshal?

Well, I'm hunting some
men that may have passed by

to the west of you here.

It's possible.

They held up a
stage a ways back.

One of 'em was
riding a pinto horse.

Another one was
carrying a big buffalo coat.

And then there was a third one.

Uh, looked to be leg-wounded.

That's right.

They passed by here just
before sunset, headed north.

- Well, much obliged.
- Say, Marshal,

would you care
to stay the night?

You could take
out come first light.

Well, there's still
enough light to track by.

I think I'll keep moving
on till it clouds over.

- Thank you.
- So long.

That was fine.

All except that part about
him staying the night.

Get inside.

Find 'em for me, Marshal.

You find them for me.

(lively piano music playing)

(indistinct chatter
and laughter inside)

- Doc.
- Kitty.

- Doc.
- Thad, how are you?

Well, you look like you
could use a good stiff shot.

You're very perceptive.

How's the guard, Doc?

The guard, Thad, is dead.

That's how he is.

I never saw anybody that
wanted to live any more

or tried harder to; fought.

Right up to the last minute, I
thought he was gonna make it.

Just no rhyme nor reason for it.

I guess you've seen your share.


I thought I was immune to this.

Supposed to be.

Right now, I'm just
up to my neck with it.

(laughing, chattering)

Doc, why don't you
go away for a few days.

No, I can't do that, Kitty.

I'm... I got to go out
to the Miller place.

Pearl's gonna have
that baby any day now,

and I promised her I'd be there.

Well, that'll take a
day or two, won't it?

Oh, my, yeah. That's way
up north there, you know,

in the barranca.

And there's something else now.

Why in thunder would that
stubborn Dutchman Miller,

that she calls her husband,
take a pretty, frail little girl

like Pearl all the way
up so far out of town?

Now, Doc, don't start in on him.

It could be a break for you.

Well, that's a whole
day's trip up there.

Well, you're gonna have to
stay with Pearl for a few days

after the baby's
born, aren't you?

Mmm, I don't know. Maybe, yeah.

Why don't you take
your fishing pole.

By gosh.

Buckner Creek runs
right through Miller's place.

That's right.

Now, why don't you
take Festus and...

Festus, my foot.

I'm going fishing
and I'm going alone.

And don't you tell him
where I went either.

Him and his...

his wishy bones. (chuckles)

Wishy bones?


Morning, Festus.

Oh, howdy, Miss Kitty.

What are you doing
here at this hour?

Oh, I was just studying

about how quiet Dodge
is this time of the morning.

What's the matter with him?

I don't know. He's
been there quite a while.

Just like a cat ready to pounce.

Well! (chuckles)

Morning to you, Doc.

Don't sneak up on me like that.

Fiddle, I didn't mean
to skitter you none.

Sure is a fine
morning, ain't it?

It's not gonna do you any good.

Say, I'd be glad to
buy you a cup of coffee

to kind of start the...

Won't do you any good.
Won't do you any good.

(chuckling): You
are about as obvious

as the ears on a jackass,

and just about as
thickheaded, too.

- Well...
- Now, I'm going fishing!

And I'm going by myself!

Don't think anything could
be any clearer than that.

I just can't hardly believe it.


Why, if a parson hisself was

to walk up to me and tell me

that a good friend of mine was
a-fixin' to turn his back on me,

just downright balk

at a-sharin' his company with me

on a little old fishing
trip, well, I'd say,

"Parson, you may be
a-talkin' about a lot of folks,

"but you ain't a-talkin'
about my good friend,

my special friend, Doc Adams."


Don't try to follow me.

(clicks tongue)





(horse neighing)

DILLON: Hold it right there.

All right, get away
from that horse. Go on.

I need this here animal, mister.


What happened at
that camp of yours?

Well, them two
hide-binders heading north.

They stole my food
and shot my team.

I figured to take after
'em and have it out.

By shooting me and
stealing my horse, huh?

No other way I could see.

And the two you were after...
Was one of them riding a paint?


Well, I'll take
care of 'em for you.

Uh, Marshal,

no offense.

Shooting at you, I mean.

I could have hit you, you know.

You say they were headed north?


Last I see, they was at that
notch up there on the top.

Much obliged.

MAN: Hey, Marshal?

I need my rifle.

Well, it'll be waiting for you
up at that notch near the top.

(chickens clucking)

Get inside.


- Sam.
- Hello, Festus.

Miss Kitty upstairs, is she?

No, she's in the office.

Howdy, Miss Kitty.

Oh, Festus, come on in.


Sure hot enough
early in the day.

Yeah, looks like we're
in for another scorcher.

Yeah, sure does.

Can I buy you a beer?

Oh, much obliged, Miss Kitty.

I don't believe I will.

Yeah, these heat waves
sure hang on, don't they?


Well, this-this
time of year, why,

you can just purty near
count on it a-scorchin' you

or a-bakin' you

or a-boilin' you.

(laughing): Yeah,
that's sure true.

You know, I've been
thinking maybe I might go over

to old Orton
Bossius' springhouse

and just kind of
sprawl out for a spell.

It'd be cool over there.

That's what I was thinking.

It ought to be some
cooler, anyhow.

(Festus sighs)



Why don't you go fishing?

Beg your pardon?

Why don't you go fishing?

- By myself?
- Why not?

Well, Matthew told
me that I don't...

Well, Thad can take
care of things, can't he?

Well, I reckon he could.

Golly Bill, they ain't nothing
to going fishing by yourself.

- There isn't?
- Well, of course not.

Feller can fish by his self,

but you don't go
a-fishin' by yourself.

You don't?

Well, no.

Some folks does,

but I never was a
one to, I'll tell you that.

(Festus sighs)

Well, I'm gonna get on
over to Bossius' house, and...

If you change your mind
about that beer, come on back.

Much obliged, Miss Kitty.

I may see you directly.

Whoa... whoa... whoa!

Whoa, boy. Whoa.

Now, stand there.

You stay right there.


(water splashing)



(horse neighing)


(rattling stops)



Whoa! Whoa!!

Just a minute now.

I... somewhere...

Here. No.


(grunts softly)




If I only had... my bag...


Danged old horse.

Well, I've done it.

Yes, sir, by thunder...

this time...

I've really done it.


Lucky for her that
Doc Adams was willing

to ride all the way out
there just to be with her.

WOMAN 2: Oh, yes.

Oh, why in the world
Toe Miller would want

to take Pearl way out
to that barranca country

is something I'll
never understand.

I hear he has an awful nice
place right on Buckner Creek.

WOMAN 2: Still, it's
a long way from town

when she's having
her first baby.

WOMAN 1: Yes.

Buckner Creek.

Golly Bill, I've took me a mess
of pan-friers out of that place.


It just ain't a-coolin'
off a bit, you know it?

Well, if anything, it's hotter.

Now, I'll tell you something.

It wasn't a whole neat cooler

over at Bossius'
springhouse, neither.

Here, Festus, drink that up.

Oh. Much obliged, Miss Kitty.

Golly bill, don't that
look cooling, though?

- (Kitty laughs softly)
- Mm.

Miss Kitty,

you've got the best beer
here at the Long Branch

that they is in town, by far.

- It is?
- If I'm lyin', I'm dyin'.

Course, it could be the company.

Thank you, Festus.

What I mean is, as a whole,

they's a pretty good bunch
that comes in your place.

- Well, you know, they're...
- Course they is a troublemaker

drifts in, now and then,
but I mean on the whole,

- they're a pretty good bunch.
- Well...

And they's one feller that
used to come in here all the time

and, why, I-I haven't saw
him in a whole heap of time,

and that's old Toe Miller.

Toe Miller.


I kind of miss
that old Dutchman.

You do?

Say, do you know something?

That he moved plumb
out on the Buckner Creek,

way out yonder in the barranca
country, did you know that?

Yeah, I knew it.

You know his wife Pearlie's
fixin' to have a baby?

Do you know that?

Yeah, I know that too.

Who told you?

What, that Doc's attending
Pearl out at Toe Miller's place,

way out yonder in
the barranca country,

on Buckner Creek,
where the fishes...

I don't know, I just
heared it around.

But you got to give old
Doc credit, you know,

going a way out yonder in the
country on a hot day like this.

Well, I'm glad it ain't me.

You are?

Of course I am. Him
a-traipsin' way out yonder

on heat like this. Why, shoot.

Course that's what comes
of his a-bein' a doctor.

- Ow!
- Oh, Sam. What happened?

Oh, I just cut my finger.

Oh, gosh. Let me see it.

- Well, it's nothing, Miss Kitty.
- Ooh.

My foot, it ain't nothin'.

I recollect my cousin
Alvrene cut her little toe

on a plowshare...
Why, they was just...

Oh, it ain't that bad.

Well, maybe it ain't now,

but here's something
you don't know.

Now, this here thing could

just get festered
up something fierce.

Why, that could turn
gangreney 'fore you could say,

"Rat run over the
rooftops with a piece

of raw liver in his mouth."

All right, I'll have
Doc take a look at it.

Oh, no you ain't. I'm
gonna go fetch Doc for you.

Now, Miss Kitty,
you look after Sam.

And Sam, don't you fret a bit.

I'll be right back.

Oh, Miss Kitty, tell Thad

to look after things
for me, will you?

(both laughing)


He's still after us,
but not for long.

You sure you can hit him?

(scoffs) If I can't, I can
sure put a good scare in him.

Not if it's who I think it is.

Matt Dillon bleeds
like any other man.

Bleeds, yeah, so if
you shoot, hit him.

But don't think you're
gonna scare him.

All right.

He's staying with us
like a lockjawed hound.

Then let's split up
and get out of here.

No, we're staying together.

If he does catch up, I want all
the odds I can get on my side.

Well I'm wishing now we'd
have kept Spellman with us.

At least it'd been another gun.

Look, I make it a practice
never to carry dead weight.




(singing a tune)

(resumes singing)




Where in the Sam Hill are...


Come on, Ruth.




Doc, what's ailing you?

- Festus?
- What's happened to you, Doc?

Festus, I'm... I'm snakebit.

- Well, where?
- In my hip.

Right there, in my h... hip.

Well, how long ago, Doc?

I don't know.

- Too long.
- Hold on.

It's been too long.

Swelling clean down
below your knee.

Yeah, it's numb.

Doc, you're gonna
have to hold on.

- I'm gonna cut you.
- Go ahead and cut.

(shouting, grunting)

Grit your teeth, Doc.

(breathing heavily)

I know this hurts, but
it's bleeding good, Doc.

It won't...

It's too late.

It ain't too late.

Don't know...

Get enough out till I
can get you some help.

No help.

What we need's a poultice.

A rabbit or a chicken or...

- Chicken.
- A fresh-killed chicken.

That'd draw that poison right
out of there, wouldn't it, Doc?

- Chicken.
- Wouldn't it?

I know where they is some. I
passed some on my way here.

I'll get you one, Doc.
Now, you just hold on, I'll...

- Get a chicken.
- Hold on, Doc.

I'll be back before
you know I'm gone.



You better hurry.


(chickens clucking)

Hold it right there, mister.

Look, this here ain't
what it looks like it is. I...

Ain't I seen you in
Dodge with the marshal?

Now, I ain't got
time to explain!

You ain't fooling me, and time's

- the least thing you got.
- I got me this friend,

he's been bit by
a snake and I...

You ain't taking me in.


Oh, look what you've
went and did. I...

I wasn't stealing your
chickens, I'd have paid...

What did I do?


Ho. Ho.

Whoa. Stand still.

Come on, now.

Now, git!

Ho! Ha, get up, there.

Ha, whoa. Whoa.



You hung on this long,

now you can hang on a
little longer, do you hear me?

Hang on!

Your head's hot and feverish.

(low groan)


Tell me what to do.

I've did everything
I know how to do.

Tell me something.

You stubborn old scudder.

Why'd you have to be out
here all by yourself, anyhow?

Why'd you do that?

Oh, it's just like you to
lay here and die on me.

You stay in the
buggy, you hear me?

In all my born days...

I ain't never
wished for nothin'...

(crying quietly)

(crickets chirping)

- (coyote howling)
- (door rattling in wind)

(wind whistling)

(coyote howling)

Any sign?


He's out there, though.

He'll be here soon enough.

(crickets chirping)

(coyote howling)

(wind whistling)

(wind whistling)

(horse sputtering)

(horse sputters)


- How'd they get loose?
- Well, I tied 'em.

Get 'em before they wander off!

DILLON: Hold it!
Hold it right there.

All right, just
unbuckle the belt slow.





Get 'em up.

All right, hold your fire.

Where's the other one?

We left him at Benson's Flat.

All right, the gun belt.

I deserve getting caught, tying
in with the likes of them two.

The gun belt. Slow.

That stage driver die?

He died.

Well, that sort of makes
things pretty definite for me.

That's right.

Now take off the gun belt.


Hold it! Hold it!

Whoa. Whoa.



What in thunder are
you trying to do here?!

- Glory be, you got...
- Well, don't "glory be" me.

Untie me!

- Festus, somebody's got...
- I can't untie you, Doc.

You can't? Why can't you?

Because I got to get you
back to Dodge City, Doc.

Dodge? You can't get...

I can't go to
Dodge on this thing.

Unt... You're gonna kill me!

Oh, no, I ain't gonna kill you.

That can't be did.

You're too dang ornery to die.

- You...
- Get me untied here!

Just hush your mouth
and quit your bellerin'

and faunchin' now, 'cause
I ain't gonna let you off

till we get to Dodge City,

and you might as well
make up your mind to that.

DOC: You...

Now, just lay down and be still.

Festus, you let me off of here

or I'll have you
tarred and feathered!

All right, just go on
and bawl and beller

as much as you want to.

Don't you nor nobody
else tell me nothing

about wishy bones.


Oh, it's hot.

Kitty, I'll tell you, it
couldn't get much hotter.

Did you notice?
It's pretty quiet, too.


I haven't been able to figure
out whether that's because

of the heat or because Doc
and Festus aren't in town.

DOC: Festus, get me off of here!

Why, not till I
get to your office

and get you up them
steps and put you to bed!

That's when I'll take you off.

Just quit a-grousin', will you?

Whoa, whoa.

You didn't have to pull
me down through town

in front of these people.

You did it on purpose.

I did not, and you know it.

Just hold your taters
while I get you untied.

You just... don't...
Oh, hi, Matt.

Doc, what happened?

Oh, he went and
got hisself snakebit.


Yes, snakebit.

That wasn't half as bad
as being tied on this thing

and bounced halfway across
the country behind a jackass,

and I don't mean that
one up there either.

You can see he's
feeling a heap better.

- Here, help me.
- Here.

Why don't you folks all go home.

- (onlookers murmuring)
- Easy, now... easy...

Matthew, I got to
talk to you some...

A-fore you go, there's
something I got to get off my chest.

What's that?

Well, I done something awful.

I had to, though.

- It was either that or...
- What was it?

Well, I killed a farmer
over at Benson Flat.

He thought I was
stealing his chickens.

Benson Flat. Well,
that was you, huh?

Well, Festus, let me
tell you something,

you didn't kill any farmer.

- Oh, yeah, I did...
- No, no, you didn't.

I rode by there on my way back,

and I found this man and
I found Mr. Tonkins, too.

- Mr. Tonkins?
- Right. The man you killed

is one of the gang that
held up the stagecoach.

He's wanted in three
states for murder or robbery,

wanted dead or alive.

- Golly Bill, you sure?
- I'm sure.

Come on.

Thanks, Burt.

What could've happened
to that dad-gum thing?

I know I put it in here.

Where did I put it...?

Doc, what are you doing?

Well, I'm looking for that
old medicine bag of mine.

- Medicine bag?!
- Yeah, I-I hid it there,

when I bought my new
one, you know, and I knew...

Doc, you have got
to get into this bed.

- Bed?!
- Yes, bed!

You're lucky to be here at all.

Well, gosh, I know that.
I wouldn't have made it

if it hadn't have been for
Festus, but I am here and...

Where is that bag?
Pearl Miller is out there

having that baby and thinks
I've forgotten all about her.

- Doc, will you listen to me?
- What?

I got something to tell
you about Pearl Miller.


Sure am glad your arm's
gonna be all right, Matthew.

- Yeah, so am I.
- DOC: Matt!

Matt, is what Kitty's
telling me the truth?

Well, what's she
been telling you?

Well, she said
that old Toe Miller

delivered his
wife's baby himself.

Well, I'm afraid
that's right, Doc.

As soon as he got through
taking the bullet out of my arm.

Well, I'll be doggoned.

Here I get myself
half snakebit to death,

going out there to deliver Pearl

to find out that old
Dutchman can do it himself.

By golly, the least he could
have done is told me, I'd think.

Well, Doc...

Next time I go traipsing
around the country,

- Doc. Doc.
- Trying to get someplace...

Well, what is it?

Well, maybe he didn't know he
knowed how till he had to do it.

Doc, will you go to
bed now, please?

Well, of course not. What for?

Because you need
some rest... That's why.

Well, now I suppose you're
gonna start to practice medicine.

I know what I need. I need...

I haven't had anything to
eat. I can't remember when.

- Doc, Festus is right.
- Festus is not right!

I'm a doctor, and I know
what I need and it's food.

And when I say I need
food, that's what I need.

- I'm gonna get some, too.
- KITTY: Doc!

- What?
- You're not going out like that.

Well, I don't know why not.
Everybody in town has seen me.

He saw to that.

Pulling me in a...

Well, wait a minute
and I'll go with you.

Golly Bill, after all
he's went through.

(chuckles) Yeah, he's
quite a man, Festus.

He is, to fair.

You know something, Matthew?

If that old scudder had a
little more hair on his face,

I'd swear he was a Haggen.

(Dillon laughs)