Growing Up Fisher (2014): Season 1, Episode 5 - Work with Me - full transcript

Even though my dad was blind,

he always managed to be two
steps ahead of everybody else.

Those are interesting new boots. I'm
gonna start calling you buckles.

Yeah, like a pirate.

Uh, sure.

What's the occasion?

Oh, no occasion.

He wants to be as tall as Jenny.

No. Girls grow faster.

Dad, we're meeting mom at the coffee shop.

Which is why I'm headed
toward the coffee shop.



I think it's this way.

Do you even know where we are?

Sure. We went past the barking puppies

at the Pets Plus and that handsy guy

at the Sea Scrub Kiosk.

Now I can feel the bass

coming from Abercrombie & Fitch back here.

Oh, there it is. Thanks.

Excuse me. Do you know
where the restrooms are?

Sir, my dad's not an information booth.

Yeah, smells like you might need the one

with the changing station.

You head straight down here
past the toy store

with all the talking Buzz Lightyears.



- Take a quick left.
- Thank you so much.

Dude, do you know where the Apple Store is?

Yeah, make a 180 and go

past the Brookstone on the right.

It's two doors down from there.

And Victoria's Secret?

Victoria's Secret...
Straight down this way.

Like I said, two steps ahead.

Oh, I heard the greeter say
that they're having

a two-for-one sale on shape wear.

- Great. Thanks so much.
- Thank you.

Sorry we're late. Henry was buying heels.

Well, I just got something too...

A job. I just got a job.

- Here?
- No.

You... you can't work here.

I come here.

- People I know come here.
- Fun.

I can learn all of your
friends' favorite drinks.

I could write funny nicknames on the cups.

Honey, you know
I've been looking for a job.

- You have?
- Yes, ever since we separated.

And this one just fell into my lap.

I was killing time tidying up
the sweetener bar,

and I struck up a conversation
with the manager Dustin,

who said I'd be a rock-star barista.

And I couldn't disagree.

So yay. Okay, Joyce.

So I guess I'll see ya tomorrow
at noon for training.

Uh, eh.

My schedule's a little tricky.

I have four classes three times a week

and two kids seven days a week

and hot yoga every morning.

If I don't do that, I'm a monster.

And then the weekends are tough,

'cause that's when i
catch up on my "me" time.

Okay, Joyce, so you're fired.

- W...
- Yeah. Application.

I can't believe you ordered a drink

after I got fired.

Are you really upset about this job?

Yes, I am, Mel. I want
to start making my own money.

And if a coffee shop at the mall

can't accommodate my crazy schedule,

I doubt any place will.

Joyce, you can do anything
you set your mind to.

Let's keep in mind, I went...

To law school blind.

- If I can do that...
- You're right.

You can find me a job.

That's not exactly where I was going,

but sure, I'll help you
get your resume together.

- Thanks, Mel.
- Sure.

Oh, God, these straws are a mess.

See, Dustin, you could've had this.

Mom was already holding
her head up a little higher.

And thanks to my boots, so was I.

Jenny, hey.

Hey. I like your boots.

Really?

I have the same exact pair.

Oh.

Great. We have so much in common.

Uh, I made you this playlist.

Yikes.

I put two gigs of ballet songs
on this bad boy...

Stuff I had, stuff I found.

No big "d".

Uh, thanks.

Well, I'm late for my Monday...

Monday-Wednesday ballet class.

I mean, today's Monday.

And I assume you go twice a week.

Mel Fisher's office.

Thanks, Jerry, we're good on toner.

Janice, I love my birthday card.

You're welcome.

Okay, yeah. Thanks.

Hello, Joyce.

Janice, long time, no see.

It's like a work-wife, home-wife reunion.

Well, technically, ex-home wife.

But, yep, I'm still here.

And I'm swamped,

so what can I do for ya?

Oh, I just popped in to see Mel.

He's gonna help me fix up my resume.

No pop-ins. You're not on my calendar.

- And he's all booked up.
- Oh, come on.

You could squeeze
the old Joycester in, can't you?

- No.
- We could squeeze her in.

See? Squeeze me on in, Janice.

I just got to finish up this call.

Damn it.

Every time.

Take your time, Mel.

I'll just hang out here with my girl.

Ooh, maybe she can take a look
at my resume too.

Oh, no, no, no.
I got a lot of work to do, so...

font-wise, i feel I'm Comic Sans,

but Mel's pure Helvetica,

which pretty much sums up our marriage.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Resume?

Joyce, are you looking for a job?

- Hi, Glen.
- Come work here.

We need a bookkeeper.

Ever since Beverly called in, well, dead,

I've been doing the books.

And it's killing me.

I mean, no wonder she died.

Sorry.

And then I put on this piece of tape,

and, boom, paper rose.

I'm gonna give this to Jenny.

Wow. It's beautiful.

- Can I see it?
- Sure.

Girls don't want a sweet little boy, son.

They want a badass.

Pull a fire alarm,

get some of that blue ink on your hand.

It's as good as a tattoo.

Okay.

I wasn't gonna get involved,
but considering the fact

that you're wearing lady boots...

They might be unisex.

That's your strongest argument?

If you want to get Jenny's attention,

don't give her any of yours.

You mean ignore her?

That's crazy.

It'll work.

And when you're ready to listen,

I'll be up in my room.

Yeah, we'll be up in her room.

Runyen, never come to my room.

I don't think it's a good idea

for me to work with my ex.

I hear you.

Why even run it past Mel?

Just because it's a job
where you can

do it in your sleep

and you already know everybody.

You can name your own salary,

- set your own hours.
- I'm in.

Seriously, Mel, if you
have any reservations

about us working together,
I get it.

I'm gonna stop you right there, Joyce.

- I think it's a great idea.
- Really?

In the history of great ideas,

there's, like, fire,
wheel, this,

then everything bagels.

Oh, my God. This is so exciting.

You will not be sorry, boss,

or significantly taller boss.

Consider your books kept.

Super excited.

Ow!

What the hell is wrong with you?

You offered my ex-wife a job?

I thought you wanted her to have a job.

I do, in a pet store,

in a dentist's office,
or in Miami.

Do you see what I'm getting at?
Anywhere else.

Then why did you say yes?

Because the only thing
worse than her working here

would be me saying no to her working here.

Then I'm the bad guy...

To her, to the kids,
to that poor checkout girl

she always unloads on.

Huh.

Well, i guess you're in quite a pickle.

Yeah. This is gonna be
an absolute disast...

- I forgot my resume.
- Oh.

You're not gonna need
that anymore, co-worker.

So great.

Yeah, we were just saying that.

Morning, Mel.
You know how you said

that Joyce wouldn't be comfortable

having you as her boss,
and then you stabbed me?

- Yeah, I'd do it again.
- Well, day one, Joyce brought

your favorite coffee,
French roast.

She brought orchids
for the office

because they last longer...

Saves the firm money,
and they're beautiful.

Your ex-wife is excellent.

Good morning, Mel.

Careful. I'm down here.

I'm just taping down the carpet
you always trip over.

I heard you mention it yesterday.

I told her it won't work.

I already tried.

That's because you didn't try duct tape.

I told you, Janice.

You don't bring scotch tape
to a duct-tape party.

Okay, all done.

Give it a test-drive, Mel.

Okay.

Go ahead, buddy.

Wow. Pretty good.

That's what I'm here for.

I thought you were here
to do the books at your desk.

I love our workplace banter.

Okay, I'm gonna walk
into my office and not trip.

Janice, would you bring me a cup

of Joyce's fancy coffee to celebrate?

- Hey.
- Oh, what's up?

How terrible was Richard Metzger's

student council speech?

Promising a chocolate fountain
in the cafeteria?

Like, we're not stupid.

Go for Henry.

Sorry. Got to take this.

Yeah, Friday's cool.

Well, i got this other thing,
but i can move it.

Hilarious.

Keep walking. Keep walking.

Don't look back.

And we're walking.

- Bye.
- Don't you dare wave.

You should've seen her face
when i left her at the door.

I didn't see it, but i bet it was awesome.

It's good I'm doing the books.

Did you know Glen
used the term "guesstimate"

in a letter to the I.R.S.?

Yeah, that came up at the audit.

Uh-oh.

Um, where's all the microwave popcorn?

- Oh, i threw all that out.
- What?

Do you know how much corn
Americans eat, Janice?

It's scary. I just
read an article about it.

I think it was corn.

Oh, maybe it was wheat.

Anyway, do you know what's better?

Snow peas.

Hmm? It's nature's chip.

Say "peas," Janice.

Peas out.

I'm gonna think of more.

Nature's chip.

Dad was beginning to realize the problem

wasn't gonna be between him and mom.

It was gonna be between mom and Janice.

Peas... more like peas of crap.

See, i can make lame puns too.

As long as there were
snow peas in the office,

there would be no peace in the office.

Hey, Janice.

- Happy hump day.
- All right.

Oh, i see you're enjoying
some of my homemade brownies.

How could you miss it?
You're so close.

Hey. How nice is this, huh?

Homemade baked goods...
The great uniter.

Hey, i have something else

- for you to chew on, Jan Jan.
- Janice.

How about we freshen up
some of the art around here?

Bring in some color, maybe send a few

of these horses to the old glue factory?

Neigh. I love the horses.

Can't get enough of 'em.

Actually, Janice picked them out.

I love horses.

Oh, I do too.

It's just... It's a lot of horses.

The one in the ladies' room,

his eyes, like, follow you.

I've been peeing downstairs at the bank.

Yeah, it's always fun
to try a new bathroom.

Let's... let's go back to our desks...

- Okay.
- And work at the office.

I figured out your
secret ingredient, Joyce.

- Peanut butter?
- You got me.

Janice, peanuts.

I'm on it.

- Joyce?
- Mm?

You are... you're doing a heck of a job.

But just be careful you're not
stepping on anyone's toes...

You know, for example, Janice.

What are you talking about?

Janice and i are friends.
She's always loved me.

Yeah, but now that you're mama bears

in the same work den,

I'm sensing a little tension?

Tension?

Really? I think you're way
off on this, Mel.

Everything's fine.

Joyce, trust me. Leave her be.

All right.

Mom knew she had to listen to dad.

And after all, he was the boss.

And whatever the boss said...
Ooh, ooh, no.

Janice.

Jan-jan?

Janitalia...
Is not a great nickname.

Listen, i know I'm being overly sensitive,

and i probably shouldn't even ask, but...

Am I bugging you?

What? Oh, no.

See, I knew it.

Mel thought... ah, forget it.

You're right. Everything's great.

So great.

Either Joyce goes, or I do.

Your choice.

Glen?

I just want to thank you for
making me choose between my ex-wife,

who's worked here for three half days,
made countless unnecessary changes,

and whose brownies nearly killed a woman,

and Janice, my angel who's worked here for
seven years, knows my schedule by heart,

and who keeps this office
running like a Swiss watch.

It was a no-brainer, Mel.

Have a great life.

Can't fire the mother of your children.

I hate you.

Hello? Hello?

Hello?

Damn it.

Hi, Mel.

I just bought myself
this cool new briefcase.

I only have a banana in it right now,

but there's plenty of space for files

and free office supplies.

- You okay?
- Yeah.

Mel, where's Janice?

- She quit!
- What? Why?

If mom knew why Janice had really left,

she would've been crushed.

So dad had no choice but to protect her.

She just wasn't happy working for me.

She said i could be a bit of a...

No need to explain, I get it.

You are a handful.

She, however, did not feel the same need

to protect him.

You know, Mel, some people...

They just can't handle you, you know?

It's like milk.

They're Mel-tose intolerant.

But I can stomach you.

You know, just go back into your office.

I got this.

Hello?

Oh, nope.

Hello? Nope.

Hello? Nope.

Hello? Nope.

Can anybody help me?

Who knows a lot about phones?

Mel Fisher's office.

This is why I said, "no open containers

- near the computer."
- I thought you meant beer.

He's working on a pro Bono case right now.

We'll call you back.

Wow. She's good.

That's why I'm making 16 bucks an hour.

16? I'm only making 14.

Yeah, get what you pay for.

Katie, it worked.

She just sent me a text of a kitten,

a flower, and a thumbs-up... Emojis, Katie.

- What should I do next?
- Okay.

So, for your next move,
you're gonna tell her

that you just want to be friends.

That's the opposite of what I want.

Can't I just ask her to the movies?

No, the friends move will work.

Don't ask her to the movies.
Don't bake her anything.

Yeah, and whatever you do,
don't work with her.

Just kidding.

It's a dream come true.

Why is my jacket wet?

- Oh, hey.
- Hi.

Glad I ran into you, dude.

Uh, can i get that flash drive
back at some point?

Oh, I, thought you gave it to me.

Like a present or something?

Yikes. This is awkward.

Wow. I'm sorry if I was giving
off the wrong vibe or something,

like, "here's this flash drive.
I love you so much."

So there's no confusion, I think it's best

if we're just friends.

Um, yeah, okay.

Tell you what... Orange soda on me.

It's my favorite.

I think the machine's broken.

Oh.

Cool. See?

Friends looking out for friends,

this what we do.

I got to roll.

Oh, man.

Oh. What?

My mom can't make it to my ballet recital

this afternoon, 'cause she's stuck at work.

Now I'm not gonna have anyone there.

I wanted to take her in my arms

and tell her she'd have someone
at that recital,

someone who loved her
even more than orange soda.

But instead, I said...

That's tough stuff, bro.

- I have to go.
- You can't.

If no one goes, she's gonna feel terrible.

Yeah, and when she comes home,

she'll need a shoulder to cry on,

and you'll be that shoulder.

Ugh. This is so hard.

I know, but I'm right.

We're right. She's right.

You know what? You are right.

I'm gonna go get an orange soda
from the laundry room.

I'll be right back.

Thanks for all the great advice.

Wow. You're good.

I never could've convinced him not to go.

Yeah, I think he just looks up to me

'cause I have a proven track record

of always being right.

- He went to the recital.
- Yep.

I don't know if the temp office told you,

but this could become a permanent gig.

It's a cup of soup.

Of course you can microwave it.

- Not with a metal spoon in it.
- Ohh!

Will you get a fan or something?

It smells like burnt metal in here.

Not to everyone else.
Your senses are heightened.

It still smells... Aah, you know what?

Your stupid tape doesn't work.

Yes, it does. You drag your feet.

I'll fix it. Ow!

Aah! I can't take this anymore!

You know what? I think I'm just

gonna go work at my dad's pizza place.

Are you sure you want to work with family?

You have to hire somebody else.

No, I'm gonna get Janice back.

She doesn't want to work with you anymore.

I have a feeling I can
convince her to come back.

Face it, Mel... she left
to get away from you.

No, Joyce, she left to get away from you.

You are the reason
she doesn't want to work here!

But you said...

No, I was trying to protect your feelings!

She... she quit because of me?

Yeah.

She gave me a choice... You or her,

and I chose you.

That's so sweet.

Yeah. And then you destroyed my office.

I'll drive you to Janice's.

Wow. Okay.

I'll handle this.

Hi, Janice.

You here to redecorate my apartment?

Look, I know that you don't like me.

And I'm sorry.

Though I don't know why you don't like me.

Everyone likes me.

The word "joy" is in my name.

This... you're so perky
and bubbly and oblivious.

I just can't put up with the plants

and the snow peas and the horse hate.

Well, you're just mean.

You know what word is in your name, Janice?

"Ice."

Well, also "nice," but it shouldn't be,

- because you're not.
- Okay.

Trying to get her to come back.

Wait, Janice.

Look, I'm not gonna try to get you

to agree with Joyce, but you got to admit,

she's better organized than Glen.

- I admit nothing.
- That's so like you.

You don't even know what me is like.

Hey, hey, come on, now.

Can't have my two girls fighting.

Really, Mel?

- "Girls"?
- What?

He says it all the time.

You know what's worse?

Gals.

Yes. Oh, my God.

Okay, let's not make this about me.

Oh, of course not. It's never about you.

It's always my fault.

- It's always my fault too.
- Right?

What is happening here?

Henry, stop.

No, I'm doing this.

Look, I wanted you to do things my way.

But I get that you need to do it your way.

And that's, uh, cool.

But if you're gonna do it your way,

you gotta go big.

Go be you.

Henry, what are you doing here?

Well, I just wanted you to know

that you did have someone
who cared about you

in the audience today.

I thought you were so great.

Oh, my gosh, Henry.

That's so sweet. Thank you.

Jenny.

Slade, you made it.

I mean, my sister told me to go big,

but this guy was huge.

Man, and that's without boots.

Okay, then.

We'll talk later, then.

Bye.

How'd you like it?

It's 'cause he brought real flowers.

Yeah, that's probably why.

"And, Joyce,

remember, no metal spoons
in the microwave."

No, no, "now, Janice, make sure you

"count every package
before you sign for them.

Can't be too careful."

"Can't be too careful."
Yes, he says that all the time.

And yet, he somehow managed
to get me pregnant

on our second date.

Oh, this is fun.

Please come back to the office, Janice.

We need you.

It is chaos without you.

Please.

Pretty please, Janice?

Please, please, please.

Fine, as long as we get rid of the plants

and keep the horse paintings.

We can get more horse pictures, or not.

It's not always easy to put the needs

of someone you care about before your own.

But when you do...

things often have a way of working out,

even when you don't expect them to.