Growing Pains (1985–1992): Season 2, Episode 21 - The Long Goodbye - full transcript

Hi, this is 60 Minutes. But don't
worry, it won't take that long.

Hi. I'm Ben Seaver and
welcome to my class project:

"A Day in the Life
of the Seavers."

And what a day it is.

It's Chore Day and
everybody has a job to do.

Mrs. Seaver and Carol
are gonna clean the drapes.

And Dr. Seaver's
using Carol's computer...

to write some article for
some mental magazine.

Oh, yeah. He's a psychiatrist.

And Mike's gotta paint his room or
Dad's gonna know the reason why.

I don't even care what
grade I get on this.



I just wanna do "a" good
job for you, Mrs. Cutter.

Ben, you were
supposed to mention me.

Okay, okay.

Oh, uh, Jenny Foster, another
one of your fine students...

is helping me by
running the video camera.

Hi, Mrs. Cutter.

Well, one thing you're...

One thing you're gonna notice about
the Seavers is how well we get along.

Come on, Jason.

Maggie, there's a difference
between frugal and cheap.

All right, I take it back.

- You're a frugal-skate.
- Well, I don't see what's wrong...

with going with the old reliable
inexpensive handyman...

we've always used for years.



Honey, a furnace is
not a broken screen

door. It's a complicated
piece of machinery.

Well, I think Jimmy
can handle it.

And did I mention
he works cheap?

Would you hire him to
perform open-heart surgery?

Well, I'd let him
give me an estimate.

Ben, Jenny, not now, please.

Keep rolling. This
could be good.

Honey, you know I love dear sweet
Jimmy as much as you and the kids do.

Of course. So why not
destroy the man's dignity?

Ha!

It may look like they're arguing, but
they're not. They call this discussing.

Ben, I told you
to turn that off.

No, keep rolling, Ben.
This could be great stuff.

Ben, I am not going
to ask you again.

Uh-oh. It looks like I've been
invited to participate in this discussion.

Start rolling. Come on.

I got it, I got it, I got it.

Boner, I told you not to ring...

- Yo, Jimmy.
- Yo, Mike.

- Hey.
- Ha, ha! All right, let me see it.

Oh, right.

Not bad. Now give me
your best punch right here.

- Oh, no. No, I can't.
- Come on.

- No, really, I ca...
- Wimp.

- Hey, come on, Jimmy. I...
- Weenie.

- No, I...
- Come on. Come on, I say. Ooh!

Oh, Jimmy. Jimmy, I'm
sorry. Are you okay? I'm sorry.

- Look, I'm sorry.
- I'm all right. I'm perfectly all right.

- Never been better.
- Jimmy.

Oh, Mrs. Weaver. Pretty as ever.

- Are you all right?
- Yes, I'm great.

Oh, just a minute.

That pretty young
woman there couldn't be...

- Yep, it's me.
- Karen.

- Carol.
- Right you are.

Jimmy, you son of a gun.

Oh, how's my
favorite medicine man?

How's my favorite handyman?

Oh, I've been missing you
folks. I'm glad you called.

Well, it was Maggie's
idea, she insisted.

Well, I understand
you have a sick furnace.

- Well, it goes on, but it won't stay on.
- Oh, well, let me take a look.

Um, Jimmy, the furnace is
in the basement. That way.

Yes, but my tools is
in my truck. That way.

Oh, right.

It looks like the furnace could be
the big story today at the Seavers'.

And, of course, Mrs. Cutter,
you can count on me to be there.

- Did you see how shaky he was?
- No.

He was wheezing. He
couldn't catch his breath.

Oh, that's because I
punched him in the stomach.

Oh, fine. You men
just stick together.

- I believe you have a bedroom to paint?
- I'm way ahead of you.

Okay, you know the rules.
Nobody comes over till it's done.

- Hey, you know me.
- Yes, I sure do.

And in spite of that, I still expect
that room painted by tonight.

Hey, no problem. You got it.

- Hey, Mikey.
- Hey, Bone.

- What's the surprise?
- Shh. I'll tell you upstairs.

- Something great, ain't it?
- Bone, you have no idea.

I never do.

Don't worry. He'll
be down in a second.

Uh-huh.

Oh, you think he's too old,
don't you? Come on, just say it.

Honey, some people just
don't know when to hang it up.

- Like Muhammad Ali.
- Pardon me?

For years, he was The Greatest.
And now he's killing roaches on TV.

I overheard some sports
reporters in the cafeteria.

- Oh.
- There was a day...

when Jimmy could handle
something as complicated as a furnace.

But now, I'm afraid
he's lost his fastball.

Hey, how much time you
spending with these sports guys?

Okay, let's get this
show on the road.

Time is money. My
time, your money.

Oh, sounds like there's
not a moment to lose.

- Think you know what it is?
- Sure.

You've been trying to heat the
house with a washing machine. Ha, ha.

- That's a joke. MAGGIE
& JASON: Ha, ha.

- Okay.
- A little handyman humor.

Hello.

Yeah. Sticky solenoid.

A little lubrication
and she'll be fine.

Perfect. Right, Maggie?

Uh, yes. Thank you, Jimmy.

I'll send you a bill.

Uh, Jimmy, what
about the furnace?

Oh, you having trouble
with that too, are you? Ooh.

The beauty of it is
there's nothing better...

than painting for
building up your chest.

Which, frankly, you could use.

You really think so?

Did you know Arnold
Schwarzenegger...

- started out as a painter?
- Yeah.

You did?

I'm having the time of
my life over here, Bone.

It looks like fun.

If you think I'm gonna let you do it,
you might as well just split right now.

Oh, really?

Yeah, not even if you got down
on your knees and begged me to.

Well, is that a way
to treat your buddy?

Uh, you know, you're
right, Bone. I'm sorry.

- Here, here, you give it a shot.
- Oh, great.

- No, I can't. I can't do it.
- What?

I can't do it knowing how
much it means to you, Mike.

Boner, get out.
Just go, all right?

Come on. Leave. I
got stuff to do here.

Mike, do you want me to
paint your room for you?

Yes, I do.

Why didn't you ask
me in the first place?

Because, Boner, I didn't
think anybody was that gullible.

Well, next time give
me some credit, huh?

But claustrophobia can be a symptom
of another disorder that needs...

You don't have to say a
thing, I can read your mind.

All right, so what if he forgot
why he was in the basement?

He did fix the washer.

All right, so he forgot
a few names. Big deal.

I do that myself sometimes.

Especially the tall
kid, what's-his-name.

All right, I'll keep
an eye on Jimmy.

Thank you, dear.

But this constant
nagging has gotta stop.

Here we are, back in the living room,
where we're gonna see Mrs. Seaver...

and the Seaver girl caught
in the act of being themselves.

If it's okay.

Sure, pumpkin.

- Pumpkin?
- We'll edit that out.

If this makes me look
fat, you can't use it.

Play it safe, Jenny.
Keep her out of the shot.

Ben, I gotta be
straight with you.

I've been on this project since 8:00
this morning and nothing has happened.

- What are you trying to say?
- Two words:

Boring.

Are you calling
my family boring?

- Well...
- If you put my family on TV every week...

I bet millions of
people would watch.

Yeah, Ben. Right.

- Let's go interview Jimmy.
- We already did.

Let's do it again. He
won't remember. Come on.

Ben, that is no way
to talk about Jimmy.

I'm sorry.

Even if it is true.

Of course back then, you
know, this entire neighborhood...

was nothing but apple orchards.

Or was it pears?

Oh, it was fruit, anyway, because
in the fall, I kept stepping on them.

- Why did you become a handyman?
- Well, you see...

I have lived on this
earth many times before.

- Yeah?
- Oh, you betcha.

And in each life, I
was a handyman.

- Really?
- Oh, I remember the time...

when those Chinese fellas hired me to
supervise the building of the Good Wall.

You mean the Great Wall.

- Sure, after I got done with it.
- I don't get it.

Well, maybe you're
a little too young yet.

Some people think I'm
too young to do anything.

Oh, well, you know, some folks
think I'm too old to do anything.

So we've got
something in common.

Yeah. Makes me mad that happens.

- How about you?
- Me too.

But what do you do about it?

I throw a fit and hold
my breath till I turn blue.

Same here.

- Well, at least the drapes are clean.
- Uh-huh.

Mom, who came up with the
idea of Seaver Chore Day?

Your dad, you know that.

Well, don't you
find it interesting...

that the founder of Chore Day
is not doing an actual chore?

Instead, he's writing an article
that he put off until Chore Day?

- You know, you're absolutely right.
- Mm-hm.

So guess where we're
gonna be next Chore Day.

- Where?
- Bloomingdale's.

Ooh.

What did you do?

Jason!

Oh, you heard?

Sorry about that.
Won't happen again.

Jason, it was right of you to
wanna give Jimmy a chance.

But isn't it pretty clear
now that he's not up to it?

All right, first, why don't we
just find out what happened?

What happened?

Three hours of boring
hard work were ruined.

Work that we've
been doing all day...

while some people were
ducking out in their office, huh?

That's it, Mikey.
I'm out of here.

Would you look at me?

I've seen you show up for
school looking dirtier than that.

Mike, what's Boner
doing here on Chore Day?

Carol, would you...?

You know, as usual, that is an excellent
question and I am very glad you asked.

Not now, Mike, we've
got bigger fish to fry.

You know, I'll stay if I can
get in on this fish fry deal.

- Done, my friend.
- All right.

You know, Dad, I
have to agree with Mom.

Jimmy should go.

This is not a matter of friendship.
It's a matter of incompetence.

Carol, I can't believe
you're turning on Jimmy too.

He's our pal.

And another thing. All of this
talk about getting rid of a person...

a human being, just
because they're incompetent.

That could be very
upsetting to Mike.

I know that you're working
under a lot of pressure.

- I certainly don't wanna interfere.
- But what the hell happened just now?

- Yeah.
- Well, I wish I could say, doc.

It was just one of those things
that we handymen call a mistake.

That's what I call it.

What a coinkydink.

Hope it didn't cause
too much mess up there.

- Well, as a matter of fact, Jimmy, we...
- Uh, we'll live, Jimmy. Won't we, honey?

Oh, yes. Yes. Somehow.

Are we any closer to
solving the problem?

Well, you may have a small
pressure leak in your system.

Oh, would you believe it?

I have a gauge in my
truck that'll tell the tale.

Yes.

You heard him, it's just what
handymen call a mistake.

Honey, you know how when we disagree,
then later, we find out that I was right...

- how you always get defensive?
- I'm not defensive.

And I don't think there's one shred
of evidence that he's incompetent.

I believe that's exhibit
A heading your way.

Honey, sooner or later, you are
going to face the facts about Jimmy.

I say a man is entitled to keep his dignity
until he proves he doesn't deserve it.

And I love you for it.

Where are you going?

Oh, I thought I'd just browse through
our homeowner's insurance coverage.

Et tu, Maytag?

Boner, my friend,
welcome to the '80s.

Now, this is gonna make
your life a lot more fun.

Can I take it home with me?

Bones, we're painting.

Oh.

You know, I feel real bad about all
the hard work that you've been doing.

But I'd like to get this room
painted today, all right?

Now watch me, okay, now...

all you do is just point the electric
sprayer at the area to be covered...

you gently squeeze
the trigger...

and voilà. You got it?

- Mike, even a goon can do this.
- That's what I'm counting on.

- Nice.
- Aah!

Which explains why claustrophobia
conventions are so poorly attended.

If you don't want an
argument, don't read my mind.

Poorly attended.
Poorly attended.

Could you leave my shades
for just a few minutes, please?

I've gotta get this done
today. I'm on the very last page.

Oh, no.

Does that mean
you've lost everything?

I don't know. Carol's
the computer expert.

Power is out all over the house.

- Does that mean I've lost all 28 pages?
- No.

Oh. Good.

No, see, you were saving the
pages as you went along, right?

Saving pages?

I hope that didn't take
anybody up there by surprise.

I'll get power back
in a sec. I'm sorry.

- Was that Jimmy?
- It wasn't Shirley MacLaine.

Mikey, all I know is, I heard a voice
say, "I'm sorry," and it sounded like God.

No, no. Jimmy.

You call him Jimmy?

What did you do to this thing?

I don't know. Maybe
the nozzle's clogged.

It's definitely not clogged.

Dad, the TV went off
but it's back on now.

- We know, Ben.
- And I had nothing to do with it.

We know, Ben.

Well, how do you go and tell a
member of the family to get out?

I told you, it wasn't my fault.

They know, Ben.

Honey, if you can't
bear to do this, then I will.

I've got it. We'll sell
the house and move.

I wish it were that simple.

All right, I want some
answers and I want them now.

Yeah, what in the name of
Jimmy is going on around here?

Oh, excuse my language.

What happened to you guys?

I'll ask the questions here.
What is going on in this house?

Well, I'm trying to find a way to break
a dear old man's heart, that's what.

I know how much
this hurts your dad.

Well, he was the only one
who kept believing in Jimmy.

Oh, I still believe in Jimmy.

Boner, please.

Whoa, whoa. Since when did
all of you turn into atheists, huh?

- Hey, Jimmy, we've gotta talk now. See...
- Uh, hey, doc.

If it can wait, I really
have to concentrate here.

Sure.

Uh, no, it can't, Jimmy.
No, uh, I don't think so.

Okay.

What's up?

Well, Jimmy, come on. Ha,
ha. You're a sports fan, right?

- Sure.
- Well, let's talk about Muhammad Ali.

Ah, Cassius Clay? Ha,
ha. He was The Greatest.

Remember when everybody
thought maybe he should hang it up?

- But he didn't listen.
- Exactly.

And so he became the only man to win the
heavyweight championship of the world...

three times.

Well, I was talking about later.

Oh, sure. People gave up on the
man. People who should've known better.

All right. Muhammad
Ali's a bad example here.

Of what?

I don't know.

Give me a minute,
I'll think about it.

Losing your train
of thought, eh?

Well, it happens
as you get older.

Poor Jason. Oh. Poor Jimmy.

Don't worry, when I'm done with
these, they'll be as good as new.

- Mom, I gotta clean Boner's clothes.
- I don't care.

Boner, you're
wearing my bathrobe.

Oh, I don't mind.

Look. Can we throw
these in the washer?

Well, you'll have to wait.
All the rugs are in there.

I think I'll get
some of that fish.

Wait a minute, did you just say you
put all the rugs in the washer at once?

Well, yeah, is that a problem?

Well, sure, the washer would
overload and make horrible noises...

and jump around and shut off.

Sorry.

Maybe the washer
wasn't his fault.

- Whose fault?
- But what about all the soot?

I throw a fit and hold
my breath till I turn blue.

Hey, look at my camerawork.

I gotta get back to work.

- Can I help?
- Oh, sure, sure.

Yeah. Take this hose
and hook it to the vacuum.

Be sure you're on the intake.

Oh, no.

Aah! No, no. The other one.

I didn't know you
taped this part.

Hey, my camera never stops.

Ben, let it play.

Look, Bone, you're just gonna have to
trust me. There is no fish here whatsoever.

- I'm sorry.
- That's all right, Benny.

Ha. I'll cover for you.

Sorry about that.
Won't happen again.

Thanks, Jimmy.

So it wasn't Jimmy. It was you.

Well, I'm gonna
go to my room now.

Sit down, Ben.

You know, that still doesn't
explain the power going off.

I know, Jimmy was here to fix
a gas furnace, not the electricity.

Um, I might be
out of line here...

but in the case of a gas
leak, the first thing you do...

is shut off the power to check on it.
- Oh.

Oh. Oh!

Oh, Jason. Jason, wait.

If there's one thing I
know about, it's gas.

Thank you, Jimmy. God bless you.

- Jimmy, you have to come over to dinner.
- Or lunch.

- Yeah, any day this week.
- Every day this week.

Why don't you just
move in? Ha-ha-ha.

We love you, Jimmy.

I'm gonna go inside now and
break something. Will you fix it?

- Oh, sure, sure. You only have to call me.
- Okay.

- Bye-bye Jimmy. Bye-bye.
- Bye.

- See you later. Bye.
- See you.

Well, Mrs. Cutter, that's a
day in the life of the Seavers...

and I hope you had fun,
because I know I sure did.

And I learned things too, which you're
supposed to when you're doing school junk.

Well, what I learned today was
you should let old people do stuff...

because they know a whole lot.

Like my dad said, it's a good
thing we didn't give up on Jimmy...

because we would've lost a
good handyman and a good friend.

Well, that's it for
me and Jenny.

This video could've been a whole
lot better, but remember, I'm just a kid.

Bye, Mrs. Cutter.

Bye, Mrs. Cutter.

Mike?

Yeah, I'll be through
in one second, Dad.

Hey, Mike...

Dinner.