Growing Pains (1985–1992): Season 2, Episode 22 - Confidentially Yours - full transcript

Maggie's offered a job so she and Jason goes out with the man and his wife. But when his wife arrives, she's shocked to see Jason. It seems she's been seeing Jason and using her maiden name. It seems her husband has ulterior motives for wanting to hire Maggie but because doctor-patient confidentiality Jason can't say anything.

ANNOUNCER: Tonight, some lucky

contestant will walk
out of here with fame...

fortune and the total respect
of the journalism community.

Yes, it's time for...

The Pulitzer Prize!

And here are our contestants,
from the Washington Post...

Woodward and Bernstein.

From his retirement home
in Martha's Vineyard...

you know him, you love him,
and boy, do you trust him...

Walter Cronkite.

And from the Long Island
Daily Herald, Maggie Seaver.



Who?

ANNOUNCER Maggie Seaver?

Jason, what's going on?

What were you thinking, Maggie?
I mean, Woodward and Bernstein?

Walter Cronkite?
You're not in their league.

Just be thankful you have a job.

Jason, why are you
talking to me like this?

Don't ask me,
Maggie, it's your dream.

I mean, look at this.
Would I wear polka dots?

Oh, Maggie.

Oh, Jason! Jason!

- Ah! Ah!
- Maggie, what is it? Maggie.

Jason?

Yes, it's Jason, honey.



Oh, honey, I just had the
weirdest, scariest dream.

I was a chicken...

and I was nominated
for the Pulitzer Prize...

with Walter Cronkite and
Woodward and Bernstein.

But then everybody started laughing
at me and making fun and I felt terrible.

You were a chicken?

Even you were cruel to me.

- Honey, I know what this is.
- Aren't you gonna apologize?

- For what?
- For being so cruel.

It was your dream.

That's exactly what you said
in my dream and I didn't buy it.

Sorry.

That's better.

Honey, your dreams are just little
messages from your subconscious.

You have to think of it as
being sent little telegrams.

So, what's the message?

Well, we went to the journalism
awards dinner last night.

- Yeah.
- And you didn't win anything.

- Yeah.
- So you're afraid that...

well, that means you're
not a good reporter.

Jason, I am certainly not
afraid I'm a good reporter.

I know.

- I mean a bad reporter.
- Yeah.

Doesn't matter to
me one little bit that I

was overlooked for the
second year in a row.

What do I need a silly, little Long
Island journalism award for, huh?

Uh-huh.

Afraid I'm a bad reporter.

What kind of a crack is that?

Oh, yeah...

Mr. Watney, I can't help
you if you don't communicate.

If I tell you things, how do I
know you won't turn around...

and sell it to 60 Minutes?

The patient-doctor
relationship is practically sacred.

I've never violated
it and I never will.

Okay, I'll tell you everything.

I'm sorry, your time is up.

Great.

One of these weeks we're gonna
have to get around to why you're here.

Yeah, right.

Right, right, next
week. I promise.

Hi, honey, it's me.

Call me the second you're
through with your patient.

No, wait. Put down
the phone and listen.

I said listen.

Remember the keynote speaker at
the journalism awards banquet last night?

- Max Drummond.
- Max Drummond, right.

Out of the blue, he calls me...

says he thinks I'm talented
and ready for the big time.

Then he offers me
a job on his paper.

Jason, me, writing for
the New York Clarion.

Isn't that fantastic?

- Well, isn't it?
- Yeah.

I thought so too, but
when I could finally talk...

I told him I needed time to
think it over and to talk to you.

He wanted you and me to have
dinner tonight with him and his wife.

He said he'd like to
get to know us socially.

Isn't this exciting?

Bye, sweetheart.

Well, don't just
sit there, call me.

Come on, Maggie, we're
gonna be in Manhattan by 8.

- What do you think?
- If this guy doesn't hire you, I will.

- Oh, Jason, why wouldn't he hire me?
- Well, I'm sure...

- Why would he hire me?
- He's gotta know...

Maybe there isn't a job. Maybe
this is all the same bad dream.

Honey, relax, if this were a dream,
I'd be wearing more comfortable shoes.

Yeah, you're right, I'm sorry.
I'm just being a big chicken.

That's why I was a
chicken in my dream.

Will you forget that dream?

You're a talented,
experienced reporter...

who just happens to lay eggs.

- You're right.
- I hope not.

I mean, I must
know what I'm doing.

Why would a New York
City editor wanna hire me?

- Right.
- Thank you.

It's about time you tuned in to
what everybody already knows.

- And that is how totally terrific you are.
- Aw.

Dad, get that woman out
of here, Mom's upstairs.

Wait a second. Is that
hot, sexy babe Mom?

Isn't he sweet?

Among other things.

- Carol, Ben, we're leaving.
- All right.

- Good luck.
- Break a leg.

You guys have fun, and don't
worry, we'll keep Carol in line.

Oh, good.

- Bye, guys.
- Bye-bye.

- Bye.
- Good luck.

Ice cream!

Ice cream!

"We'll keep Carol in line"?

Yeah, come on. We know what
a nutty troublemaker you are.

Me? Who's the one who's always
straightening up around here, huh?

Who's the one who tells you to get
your smelly tennis shoes off the couch?

Oh, don't forget
the other one, Carol.

Oh, I won't.

Here, catch.

I didn't do it.

Monsieur and Madame
Drummond should be along shortly.

Bon appétit.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

When they hired
me at the Herald...

all they bought me was
Chicken McNuggets. Ha, ha, ha.

- Maybe that's what my dream was about.
- Look, Maggie.

If you love me, you'll
forget that dream, okay?

Come on, relax, sweetheart.
You're good at what you do.

Oh, honey, you're right,
you know. I do belong here.

Oh, no, no. I don't smoke.

This would be a
good time to start.

Maggie, Maggie, Maggie. Oh.

- Max.
- Don't you look just lovely. Muah.

Thank you.

- This is my husband...
- Jason.

- Yeah.
- We met at the Long Island Press Awards.

- Yeah, I enjoyed your speech.
- Of course.

Sit, sit, sit.

- Monsieur Drummond.
- Ugh.

Excuse me.

Drummond, talk.

Tell the senator we're gonna
go with the story as written.

I run this newspaper.

Yeah, well, we can
play hardball too. Yeah.

Would you mind if I just take
a second to clear my head?

Oh.

Ah.

Well, I promise you that is the last
business interruption for the evening.

Maggie, you have
my undivided attention.

Well, Jason and I were just
saying what a lovely restaurant...

- Maggie...
- Oh, this is...

Let me get right to the
point. I want you, I need you.

And I'm not going to let
you go until you say yes.

Well, Max, you overwhelm me.

Sorry, shiny nose.

This is my lovely wife, Margo.

- This is Maggie and Jason Seaver.
- Oh, my goodness.

You two know each other?

Well, doesn't Jason look
exactly like my brother Bill?

Your brother looks
like Bea Arthur.

A lot of guys look
like Bea Arthur.

Now that we've got
that straightened out...

why don't we just sit down and
relax and enjoy the rest of the evening.

Maggie...

- do you have that answer for me yet?
- I'm thinking.

I think better when I dance.
- Me too.

Yeah.

Okay.

Small world, huh, doctor?

Very.

I used my maiden
name in our sessions...

- because Max is kind of famous.
- Ah.

Max would have a fit
if he knew I told he's

the sleazy two-timing,
skirt-chaser he is.

Well, I may have a fit myself.

Oh, God. I just realized
everything I told you.

You tell your wife,
she could be telling...

No, I can't tell anybody.

What goes on between you and I,
patient-doctor, is strictly confidential.

Good.

No, bad.

If your wife actually believes my
husband wants to hire her for her talent...

he's got her hooked.

Would you like to hear
the catch of the day?

I think I'm married to it.

Say, Ben, wasn't this
Mom's brand-new lamp?

I'm just glad I was in the
kitchen when Carol trashed it.

Would you guys shut up?

You know, you'd figure Carol would know
how to use something called Goofy Glue.

Maybe she needs some nerd glue.

All right, Ben. Ha, ha.

Okay, okay. Here's the deal.

You two are gonna help me
glue this back together again.

- Ha, ha. Yeah, right.
- Sure, Carol.

I'll put it another way.

When Mom and Dad come
home and see this broken lamp...

who do you think
they'll believe did it?

Oh, sure, fine, go
ahead. Blame little Ben.

Hey.

And whenever Ben gets in trouble, who
do they always say is the bad example?

Hey.

Come on, you wouldn't
lie to them, would you?

Oh, I would and I'd enjoy it.

Anything for our little sis.

Okay.

- Was that a yes I heard?
- Heh, heh, heh.

No, not yet, anyway.

Max, what makes you think I'm
ready for the New York Clarion?

Well, I can tell
from your writing.

And what does my writing tell?

Well, your writing tells me...

that you're very talented,
mature, thoroughly self-confident...

with absolutely no doubts about
who you are or where you're headed.

- Am I right?
- Um...

Pretty close. Ha, ha, ha.

Is that enough to
make you puke or what?

Oh, he's subtle, very subtle.

Right about now, he's telling her
how much he admires her work...

and how that reflects
on her as a person.

- My wife is a very smart woman.
- Oh, sorry.

We shouldn't even be discussing
this. This is very awkward for me.

No. You're right, you're right.

I'm sure your wife is
much more together.

I mean, a week after
she's hired, he'll hit on her.

She'll turn him down
and he'll give her the ax.

- I bet that makes you feel a lot better.
- Oh, much.

Maybe I should charge
you for a change. Ha, ha, ha.

I think I'll go to the powder room. I
can only take a little of this at a time.

And I can't warn Maggie.

I can't say a thing.

Oh, perfect.

It isn't bad. Do
you think it'll hold?

What, are you kidding?

On the commercial this stuff holds
five elephants over the Grand Canyon.

Yeah, and they don't put
anything on TV that isn't true.

Well, we're in the clear now.
You two clean up the mess.

Heh, heh. Carol, if I cleaned
up the mess around here...

you'd probably find yourself
standing in a trash can out by the curb.

Come on, Ben, get up.

I can't. I'm stuck.

You're kidding, right?

No, he isn't.

What are you screaming about?

I don't know. I've never
been glued to a table before.

Oh, my God. All right, um...

Put your hands on my neck and when I
pull on you, throw your weight towards me.

- Okay.
- All right, ready?

One, two, three. Ugh!

Oh, no. No, no.

What are we gonna do now?

Did I tell you the number of Pulitzer
Prize winning writers on the Clarion?

Oh, no.

Well, you'll have to wait
till I chat with the chef.

I have a very special
dinner planned.

Yeah, with Maggie as dessert.

Jason, is this the most
fantastic night, or am I dreaming?

Are these the only two choices?

Oh, honey, you cannot believe
how much Max wants me.

Oh, yes, I can.

He says he has a very
exciting position in mind for me.

I wouldn't be doing cute little
stories like I do at the Herald.

I'd finally, for the first
time, get to do hard news.

- Real news, crime, corruption.
- Murder?

If I'm lucky.

Maggie, how can I tell
you without telling you?

What do you think?

Well, honey, I think
you should think.

That's it?

I could get better advice
from a fortune cookie.

Well, I mean, I think
that you've, uh...

You've gotta carefully
weigh all the possibilities here.

Well, I'm trying.
What should I do?

Well, I think there are angles.

Think.

But should I take the job?

Look at my eyes.
It's right there.

I don't think you should
make that decision tonight.

Jason, what's going on?

You suddenly sound like
you work in the White House.

Maggie, the only
help I can give you...

is to tell you to ask yourself
why you really want the job.

And why Max wants you.

I do sound like I work
in the White House.

I feel much better.

You won't when Mom
and Dad get home.

Stand aside, big problems
call for big solutions.

What is that?

It's the answer to our
prayers. The electric sander.

- Good night.
- See you.

Come on, where
are you guys going?

Anywhere but here.

Come on, guys, relax, relax. Now,
this is a foolproof plan, all right?

All we gotta do is we glide the sander
over the tabletop a couple of swoops.

We stain it to a perfect
match, it dries by morning...

and we got it made in the shade.

So, what do you guys think?

- Mike, Mike.
- Guys.

Guys. CAROL: I beg you, Mike.

Guys.

It's either this or we tell Mom and
Dad that we ruined the coffee table.

Now, do you want
to do that, Ben?

Carol?

Good, we agree.

Don't worry, Ben, someday you'll look
back on this as the day you became a man.

You too, Carol.

- Turn it off, turn it off!
- Unplug it, unplug it!

Oh, no.

The lamp, the lamp.

Uh...

Maggie, I hope your silence
means you're thinking.

I sure hope so.

Oh, yes.

Good thoughts, I hope.

You know, I shouldn't have
any problem making this decision.

I mean, after all, I wrote an entire
feature article on career choices.

Well, it wasn't really your
feature writing that caught my eye.

Ha!

Sorry, gas.

Well, what was it then?

It was your hard news.

Hard news.

Oh.

What hard news?

Like my urban crime series?

- Exactly.
- My piece on government corruption?

What piece on
government corruption?

- Best.
- That vigilante murder trial.

Oh, reel him in, Maggie.

I liked what you wrote
better than what we printed.

Well, Max...

this really, really, helps
me make up my mind.

I'm going to have to say no.

Hey, you just spilled
champagne all over Jason here.

I'm used to it.
I'm a psychiatrist.

You slime bucket.

I was truly flattered
by your offer, Max.

But, no.

Well, Maggie, this
is very important.

- You should really be...
- I'm sure.

Neener, neener, neener.

Thank you...

but no thank you.

Neener, neener, neener.

Monsieur Drummond,
dinner is served.

I trust everything will be to
your complete satisfaction.

Not tonight. Ha, ha, ha.

Well, I am starved. Heh, heh.

What do you got
here? What is it?

Good night, Max, Margo. Thank
you for a lovely, lovely evening.

He's got nerve lying to me
about how good my stories were...

when I was lying to
him about writing them.

Honey, I'm sorry, really.

And I was really
excited about this job.

I mean, for a while there I
actually thought I was good.

Well, you are.

Jason, he made this job offer because...
Because he wanted to sleep with me.

Oh, I have to say
something very clever here.

I can't believe that.

That's the only thing
that makes sense to me.

His lies, his compliments,
the way he danced...

the way he ignored his wife.

Well, that's shocking.

Yeah? Well, wait
till you hear this.

From the look on his
wife's face, she knows.

Look at it this way...

you took all those clues
you put them all together...

you came up with the
truth about Max Drummond.

Now, that takes a
very good reporter.

I did do that, didn't I?

Yes, you did.

That's a feather in your cap.

Feather?

Maybe that's why I was
a chicken in my dream.

Shut your beak.

Between all of our allowances we
got money for a new coffee table.

Mom and Dad sleep
late on Saturdays.

First thing tomorrow, me and Benny
will go to Chadwick's and pick one up.

They're home, they're
here, they're coming.

- Cover the hole.
- Ben, sit down.

Okay, now just don't move, okay?

Hi. JASON: Hi, everybody.

How's everything?

Everything's great, Dad.

Ben? BEN: I'm great too.

- I want you in bed in five minutes.
- Okay.

- Mike, you lock up, okay?
- Yeah, sure thing, Dad.

See you guys in the morning.
- See you.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Oh, no. Ah!

So, what did you
guys have for dinner?