Growing Pains (1985–1992): Season 1, Episode 3 - Jealousy - full transcript

HI, I'M JASON SEAVER.
I'M A PSYCHIATRIST.

I'VE SPENT THE LAST 15 YEARS
HELPING PEOPLE WITH THEIR PROBLEMS.

AND I'M MAGGIE SEAVER.

I'VE SPENT THE LAST 15 YEARS
HELPING OUR KIDS WITH PROBLEMS

EVEN JASON WOULDN'T BELIEVE.

NOW, MAGGIE HAS
GONE BACK TO WORK

AS A REPORTER FOR
THE LOCAL NEWSPAPER.

JASON HAS MOVED HIS PRACTICE

INTO THE HOUSE SO HE
CAN BE THERE FOR THE KIDS.

THEY'RE GREAT KIDS.

MOST OF THE TIME.



AND THE REST OF THE TIME?

WE LOVE THEM ANYWAY.

YEAH.

UNBELIEVABLE.

♪ SHOW ME THAT SMILE AGAIN ♪

♪ DON'T WASTE ANOTHER
MINUTE ON YOUR CRYIN' ♪

♪ WE'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE END ♪

♪ THE BEST IS READY TO BEGIN ♪

♪ AS LONG AS WE GOT EACH OTHER ♪

♪ WE GOT THE WORLD
SPINNIN' RIGHT IN OUR HANDS ♪

♪ BABY YOU AND ME ♪

♪ WE GOTTA BE ♪

♪ THE LUCKIEST DREAMERS
WHO NEVER QUIT DREAMIN' ♪

♪ AS LONG AS WE KEEP ON GIVIN' ♪



♪ WE CAN TAKE ANYTHING
THAT COMES OUR WAY ♪

♪ BABY, RAIN OR SHINE ♪

♪ ALL THE TIME ♪

♪ WE GOT EACH OTHER ♪

♪ SHARIN' THE
LAUGHTER AND LOVE ♪

HERE WE GO. HOW MANY
FOR SCRAMBLED EGGS?

OK, HOW MANY FOR
LAST NIGHT'S LIVER?

NOW HOW MANY FOR SCRAMBLED EGGS?

UH-HUH.

DAD, I'M HAVING SOME TROUBLE
WITH MY SCIENCE PROJECT.

UH-HUH. YOU NEED
SOME HELP WITH IT?

I NEED TO KNOW WHAT IT IS.

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU
STUDYING IN SCIENCE?

SCIENCE STUFF.

OK. THAT'S A GOOD START.

CAROL, WHAT DID YOU DO FOR
YOUR 3RD-GRADE SCIENCE PROJECT?

WELL, I CONSTRUCTED A COMPOUND

OF MONODICHLORIDES
AND POLYDICHLORIDES

THAT WERE CAPABLE OF
WITHSTANDING EXCESSIVE HEAT

AND MECHANICAL STRESS.

MIKE?

I RAN TESTS TO SEE HOW HIGH
A SUPER BALL WOULD BOUNCE.

WELL, AT LEAST WE'VE NOW
DEFINED THE BOUNDARIES OF SCIENCE.

MORNING, EVERYBODY. HI, MOM.

HI, YOU LOOK NICE. THANKS.

WOW. YOU SURE DO.

YOU WANT SOME EGGS? AH, NO TIME.

I'VE GOT THIS 8:30 INTERVIEW
ON THIS TOXIC WASTE STORY.

DO YOU REALIZE
THAT THEY ARE JUST

DUMPING THIS STUFF
ALL OVER LONG ISLAND?

IT MAY VERY WELL BE IN
OUR WATER, EVEN OUR FOOD.

EVEN IN OUR EGGS.

I'M GONNA BE LATE.
BYE, EVERYBODY.

BYE, HON.

BYE-BYE. SEE YOU AT LUNCH.

LUNCH?

YEAH, YOU'RE GONNA MEET
ME BACK HERE FOR LUNCH.

OH, JASON, I'M SORRY.
I COMPLETELY FORGOT.

NO PROBLEM. SO, WE'LL
SEE YOU ABOUT NOON?

WELL, THE PROBLEM IS I DON'T
THINK I'LL HAVE TIME TO COME HOME.

IT'S YOUR COOKING,
DAD. TAKE HER OUT.

GOOD IDEA.

LOOK, WHY DON'T I
JUST COME BY THERE

AND I'LL TAKE YOU OUT FOR LUNCH.

OH, GEE, I'M NOT SURE
WHAT TIME I'LL BE FREE.

JASON, I DON'T WANT YOU
TO HAVE TO WAIT AROUND.

THAT'S NO PROBLEM.
IT'LL BE FUN FOR ME.

I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN
ACTION AT YOUR OFFICE.

WELL, I... UH...

MOM, COME ON. THE
GUY'S BEGGING FOR A DATE.

I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH
MORE OF THIS I CAN WATCH.

OK, OK, OK. ALL
RIGHT. SEE YOU THERE.

SEE YOU LATER. BYE-BYE.

BYE. YES!

NO, MRS. CURWICK, YOU SEE, WE
SUSPECT THAT EASTTOWN IS GIVING YOU

AND YOUR NEIGHBORS A
LOT OF FALSE INFORMATION

ABOUT WHAT'S BEEN
DUMPED IN THAT RESERVOIR.

RIGHT. UH-HUH.

UH-HUH

SEE, THAT'S JUST WHAT I MEAN.

YOU SEE, THERE'S NO SUCH
THING AS "CHUNKY-STYLE" WATER.

FOR THE RECORD? GOOD.

OH, JUST ONE MINUTE, OK?

HOW ABOUT MONDAY?

MIND IF I MAKE A CALL?

SURE, RIGHT OVER THERE.

I WANNA PLACE A CALL,
NOT LAUNCH AN M.X. MISSILE.

HELLO, THIS IS DR. SEAVER.
MR. ANDERSON IN, PLEASE?

OH, NO, I'M SORRY, I MUST'VE
MISDIALED THEN, I WAS...

NO, I DON'T WISH TO
PLACE A CLASSIFIED AD.

NO. OH, I'M SURE THAT'S A
VERY GOOD PER-WORD PRICE

BUT NO, I'M TRYING TO
GET AN OUTSIDE LINE, HERE.

NO, I'M NOT GOING TO BE
PLACING THE AD WITH ANYONE ELSE.

I'M TRYING TO REACH A PATIENT.

MILDLY SCHIZOPHRENIC, DELUSIONS
OF GRANDEUR, OCCASIONAL...

LET'S GO WITH THIS ONE.

OH, YES, YES, I'LL BE RIGHT
WITH YOU, MRS. CURWICK. UH-HUH.

AND THIS ONE.

MAGGIE.

I THINK I JUST LEVELED MOSCOW.

OK, I'M ALL SET HERE.

SO, WHERE DO YOU WANT TO EAT?

HEY, MAGS, WANNA
GRAB SOME LUNCH?

"MAGS"?

FRED, I WANT YOU TO MEET
MY HUSBAND, JASON SEAVER.

OH, JEEZ, I DIDN'T EVEN
SEE YOU DOWN THERE.

JASON, THIS IS FRED MATHIS.

FRED'S THE ONE I'M WORKING
WITH ON THE TOXIC WASTE STORY.

OH. NO, NO, DON'T GET UP.

HEY, IT'S REALLY
NICE TO MEET YOU.

WELL, IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.

MAGS HAS TOLD ME
A LOT ABOUT YOU.

OH, WELL, WHY DIDN'T
YOU TELL ME ABOUT FRED?

WELL, POOR MAGS IS
STUCK WITH ME ALL DAY.

I'M SURE THE LAST
THING SHE WANTS TO DO

WHEN SHE GETS HOME
IS TALK ABOUT ME.

OH, THAT'S NOT TRUE.

I TOLD YOU ABOUT FRED JUST
YESTERDAY. DON'T YOU REMEMBER?

OH, YEAH.

WELL, I THINK I JUST
PICTURED YOU DIFFERENTLY.

BALDER, FATTER.

WELL, THAT'S THE PUBLIC FOR YOU.

THEY THINK WE ALL
LOOK LIKE LOU GRANT.

THANK GOD MAGS
DOESN'T, HUH, JASON?

HMM.

UH, JASON AND I WERE
JUST ABOUT TO GRAB A BITE.

WELL, I WON'T KEEP
YOU. EXCUSE ME.

OH, UH, MAGS, I WILL NEED TO
SEE YOU FOR A COUPLE OF MINUTES

BEFORE THAT MEETING AT 2:00.

AND IT'S, OH, 1:30 NOW.

OH.

WELL, LOOK, FRED, WHY DON'T
YOU JUST JOIN US FOR LUNCH?

I DON'T WANT TO
IMPOSE. NO, NO, I INSIST.

YOU TWO HAVE WORK
TO DO TOGETHER.

THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU, JASON.

MAGS, I DIDN'T TELL YOU, 2 OF THESE...
2 OF THESE GOONS TRIED TO MUSCLE ME

WHEN I WAS OUT AT
THAT EASTTOWN DUMP.

MUST HAVE BEEN SOME BIG GOONS.

COME ON, CAROL, WHY CAN'T YOU
JUST WRITE THIS ESSAY FOR ME?

BECAUSE IT'S YOUR ASSIGNMENT.

YEAH, BUT YOU'D DO A BETTER JOB.

I MEAN, LOOK, YOU'RE
STANDING ON PRINCIPLE

AND THE RESULT IS
THAT THE ESSAY SUFFERS.

NOW, DO YOU REALLY WANT
THAT ON YOUR CONSCIENCE?

THAT'S THE PRIVATE HELL
I CHOOSE TO LIVE WITHIN.

MAGGIE?

I THOUGHT I HEARD
A CAR DOOR SLAM.

NO, YOU KNOW, DAD, NO MATTER
HOW MANY TIMES I ASK THE NEIGHBORS

TO PLEASE CLIMB OUT
THROUGH THEIR WINDOWS,

THEY INSIST ON
USING THOSE DOORS.

DON'T BE A WISE GUY, MIKE.

CAROL, WHAT TIME
DOES YOUR WATCH SAY?

HMM, 10:03.

WHY? IS YOURS BROKEN?

NO, NO, IT SAYS 10:02.

I JUST THOUGHT IT
MIGHT HAVE STOPPED.

APPARENTLY, IT DID, DAD. BUT IT
SOUNDS LIKE YOU'VE NIPPED IT IN THE BUD.

MAGGIE? FRED.

HI. YEAH, NO, I'LL HAVE
HER CALL YOU RIGHT AWAY.

OK. YOU, TOO.

YEAH, BYE.

FRED?

YEAH, FRED'S THE
GUY YOUR MOTHER'S

WORKING ON THAT
TOXIC WASTE STORY WITH.

HE SEEMS LIKE A
NICE GUY. VERY NICE.

DARN NICE.

WILL YOU GUYS ACT YOUR AGE?

HI, EVERYBODY. HEY, MOM.

MAGGIE! I DIDN'T EVEN
HEAR YOUR CAR DOOR SLAM.

WELL, UH, I'LL TRY AND
DO IT LOUDER NEXT TIME.

WELL, GUYS, HOW'S IT GOIN'?
WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY?

WELL, I WENT... NOTHING.
THEY'RE CHILDREN.

THEY HAVE BORING,
UNEVENTFUL LIVES.

HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
TELL US ABOUT THAT STORY.

JASON, I'M SORRY OUR LUNCH
GOT TURNED INTO A WORK SESSION.

OH, NO, ARE YOU KIDDING?
THAT WAS GREAT FOR ME.

IT WAS SHOCKING
FOR ME TO DISCOVER

HOW LITTLE I KNEW ABOUT SLUDGE.

WHAT ABOUT THE EASTTOWN DUMP?

OH, HONEY, I AM REALLY BUSHED.

I'D RATHER NOT EVEN THINK
ABOUT THAT STUFF FOR A WHILE. OK?

OK. SURE.

HEY, DAD, DON'T FORGET TO
TELL HER FRED JUST CALLED.

FRED CALLED? OH, GOOD.
I NEED TO TALK TO HIM.

WE'RE GONNA BREAK
THIS STORY TOMORROW

IF IT MEANS WORKING
TILL MIDNIGHT.

OH, I JUST CAN'T WAIT
TO NAIL THOSE CREEPS.

FRED? HI.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

SO HOW DID EVERYONE
ENJOY MY FIRST FORAY

INTO THE WONDERFUL
WORLD OF PANCAKES?

WELL, IT BEAT THE HECK
OUT OF YOUR FORAY

INTO THE WONDERFUL
WORLD OF LIVER.

DAD, DID THEY HAVE SCIENCE
PROJECTS WHEN YOU WERE IN 3RD GRADE?

BEN, WHEN DAD WAS IN THE 3RD
GRADE, THEY DIDN'T HAVE SCIENCE.

IN FACT, WHEN DAD
WAS IN THE 3RD GRADE,

THEY DIDN'T HAVE THE 3RD GRADE.

OH, MIKE, THEY SAY
THE SENSE OF HUMOR

IS THE FINAL STAGE
OF CHILD DEVELOPMENT.

YOU OUGHT TO FEEL IT
COMING ON ANY TIME NOW.

YES, BEN. I DID A WONDERFUL
PROJECT IN 3RD GRADE.

I GREW MOLD ON BREAD.

ON PURPOSE?

YES, YES, I DETERMINED THAT MOLD
WOULD GROW FASTER ON WHITE BREAD

THAN ON PUMPERNICKEL.

I THINK I SHOULD STRIKE
OUT IN NEW DIRECTIONS.

WELL, WHAT YOU REALLY HAVE TO DO

IS FIND SOMETHING
THAT INTERESTS YOU.

AND THAT WAY THE PROJECT
WILL TEACH YOU THE MOST.

RIDE'S HERE. BYE, MOM.

BYE, SWEETIE. HAVE A GOOD DAY.

NICE TALKING TO YOU, MOM.

YOU LOOK GREAT AGAIN.

THANKS. LOOKING GOOD YOURSELF.

WELL, YEAH. YOU KNOW, BEEN
CUTTING DOWN ON THE BEER.

ME, TOO.

YOU, TOO. HAVE A GOOD DAY.

I'M OUT OF HERE, TOO.

OH, REMEMBER, FRED AND I WILL
PROBABLY BE WORKING LATE AGAIN TONIGHT.

OK, SO WHAT TIME YOU
THINK YOU'LL BE HOME?

WELL, IT'S HARD TO SAY...

ESTIMATE.

OH, I DON'T KNOW BETWEEN
9:00 AND 11:00, I'D SAY.

YOU CALL THAT AN ESTIMATE?

AN ESTIMATE IS 9:05, 9:06.

OK. OK. LET'S SAY
BETWEEN 10:00 AND 10:15.

WELL, WHICH ONE? 10:00 OR 10:15?

I DON'T KNOW, JASON.
IT'S ONLY 15 MINUTES.

"IT'S ONLY 15 MINUTES"?

MAGGIE, A LOT CAN
HAPPEN IN 15 MINUTES.

THE TITANIC SUNK IN 15 MINUTES.

CHARLTON HESTON PICKED UP
10 COMMANDMENTS IN 15 MINUTES.

OUR FIRST CHILD WAS
CONCEIVED IN 15 MINUTES. TOPS!

JASON, ARE YOU JEALOUS?

JEALOUS? OF WHAT? UH-HUH.

WELL, OF ME AND FRED.
YOU KNOW, WORKING LATE.

OH, OF YOU AND... THAT IS A
COMICAL THOUGHT. UH-HUH

JASON, YOU ARE JEALOUS.

NO, I'M NOT.

OH, COME ON. YES, YOU ARE.

NO, I'M NOT JEALOUS, MAGGIE.

I'M A PSYCHIATRIST. I'M ALSO A
MAN WITH A HEIGHTENED DEGREE

OF SELF-AWARENESS, AND
FOR THAT REASON I CAN ADMIT

TO A CERTAIN SENSE OF LOSS OVER
THE FACT THAT YOU NOW SHARE THINGS

WITH A PROFESSIONAL COLLEAGUE
UNTIL 10:00 OR 11:00 AT NIGHT. UH-HUH.

THINGS YOU AND I ARE
UNABLE TO SHARE. UH-HUH.

BUT I HASTEN TO ADD, I WOULD
FEEL EXACTLY THE SAME WAY

IF YOUR COLLEAGUE WERE A WOMAN.

OH. WELL, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.

WELL, THERE'S NO
"PROBABLY" ABOUT IT, MAGGIE!

ANALYZING PEOPLE'S MOTIVATIONS
IS WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING.

I AM NOT SEXUALLY JEALOUS.

I HAVE FAR TOO MUCH FAITH IN
YOU TO EVER BE SEXUALLY JEALOUS.

AND I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF
YOU HAD THE SAME FAITH IN ME.

I'M SORRY, JASON. I
WAS JUST KIDDING.

HMM.

FORGIVE ME? HMM?

WELL, OK.

OK? GOOD, I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

SO, WHAT TIME YOU
THINK YOU'LL BE HOME?

MIKE, CUT IT OUT!

WHAT? I WASN'T DOING ANYTHING.

MIKE, WILL YOU STOP
BOTHERING YOUR SISTER?

DAD, WHAT'S ANOTHER
WORD FOR "ELECTION?"

PLEBISCITE.

I DIDN'T ASK YOU. I ASKED DAD.

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

THE DIFFERENCE IS I DON'T
WANT TO KNOW FROM YOU.

SORRY.

HOW DO YOU SPELL IT?

WHY SHOULD I TELL
YOU HOW TO SPELL IT?

BECAUSE I ASKED YOU.

I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T WANT
TO KNOW THINGS FROM ME.

WHAT ARE YOU? A LAWYER?

I MEAN, I'M TRYING TO
DO YOU A FAVOR HERE

BY FINDING A USE FOR YOUR BRAIN

AND OUT OF NOWHERE, YOU
TURN ON ME LIKE A WILD DOG.

CUT IT OUT!

FEMALE SUBJECT GRABS
WRIST AFTER 3RD CLICK.

YOU DO THAT AGAIN
AND I'LL KILL YOU.

MALE SUBJECT THREATENS
DEATH AFTER FIRST CLICK.

BEN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

IT'S MY SCIENCE PROJECT.

I'M TESTING TO SEE HOW
LONG IT TAKES CERTAIN PEOPLE

TO RESPOND TO CERTAIN STIMULI.

WELL, THAT'S NOT A GOOD
SCIENCE PROJECT, SO STOP IT.

BUT YOU TOLD ME TO DO
SOMETHING THAT INTERESTS ME.

MIKE AND CAROL INTEREST
ME MORE THAN MOLD.

THAT'S A TOUCHING
SENTIMENT, BEN.

NOW CUT IT OUT.

WHAT'S WITH HIM?

HE DOESN'T LIKE
YOU. HE NEVER HAS.

HEY, DAD, WHEN'S
MOM COMING HOME?

DO I LOOK LIKE
JEANE DIXON, MIKE?

YOUR MOTHER'S A WORKING ADULT
AND WHEN SHE'S FINISHED WORKING,

SHE'LL COME HOME.

I WISH SHE'D GET HERE, 'CAUSE SHE
THINKS OF GREAT SCIENCE PROJECTS.

SHE DOES?

LAST YEAR SHE PICKED TADPOLES.

WELL, THAT'S IT, THEN.

I CAN'T DO TADPOLES, AGAIN.

THEY KEEP THESE THINGS ON FILE.

NO, I MEAN YOUR MOTHER.

WE SHOULD BE ASKING
YOUR MOTHER WHAT TO DO.

IN FACT, I THINK I'LL GO DOWN TO THAT
NEWSPAPER OFFICE RIGHT NOW AND ASK HER.

DAD, WHY DON'T
YOU JUST CALL HER?

HA, HA, OBVIOUSLY YOU HAVEN'T SEEN
THE PHONES THEY HAVE DOWN THERE.

BELIEVE ME, IT'S BE A
LOT SIMPLER THIS WAY.

WON'T THAT BE
BOTHERING HER, DAD?

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

NO, NO. YOUR MOTHER WANTS TO
BE INVOLVED IN THESE DECISIONS.

BESIDES, I DON'T LIKE THE IDEA

OF HER BEING DOWN AT THE OFFICE

THIS LATE AT NIGHT,
ALL BY HERSELF.

SHE'S NOT ALL BY
HERSELF. FRED'S WITH HER.

EVEN SO.

FRED, WHO'S THAT?

I DON'T KNOW. THE JANITOR?

NO ONE WHO CLEANS FOR A LIVING

WOULD PRESS HIS
NOSE AGAINST GLASS.

SHH.

MAYBE IT'S ONE OF THOSE GOONS
FROM THE EASTTOWN DUMP SITE.

NO, I'LL... I'LL
CALL THE POLICE.

JASON! JASON?

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? OH, HONEY.

I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T
KNOW IT WAS YOU.

NO, NO, I'M FINE.

COME IN HERE AND SIT DOWN.

FORTUNATELY, MY NOSE STOPPED
THE DOOR BEFORE IT COULD HIT MY FACE.

JASON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WHAT AM I DOING HERE? UH-HUH.

IT'S ABOUT BEN.

JASON, WHAT IS
IT? IS IT SERIOUS?

WELL, OF COURSE IT'S SERIOUS.

I WOULDN'T COME DOWN HERE
IF IT WASN'T SERIOUS, WOULD I?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO
DO WITH THE BOY, MAGGIE.

HE'S GOT A BAD
ATTITUDE ABOUT MOLD.

AND IT'S JUST NOT ETHICAL
FOR HIM TO DO TADPOLES AGAIN.

EXCUSE ME. THIS SOUNDS PERSONAL.

YOU CAME DOWN HERE TO
CHECK UP ON ME, DIDN'T YOU?

OH, WELL, THAT'S GREAT.
THAT'S JUST GREAT.

I COME DOWN TO DISCUSS THE
WELFARE OF OUR YOUNGEST SON.

OUR BABY, IF YOU WILL, AND YOU
TWIST IT INTO SOMETHING SORDID.

I HAVE A GOOD MIND I
SHOULD JUST TURN AROUND

AND WALK OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS. I
MEAN, YOU THOUGHT...

YOU ACTUALLY THOUGHT THERE WAS
SOMETHING GOING ON BETWEEN ME AND FRED?

I CAN'T EVEN DIGNIFY
THAT WITH A RESPONSE.

YOU LIKE HIM BETTER
THAN ME, DON'T YOU?

JASON.

COME ON, MAGGIE, ADMIT
IT, I'M NOT A COMPLETE IDIOT.

"MAGGIE, DO YOU WANT
SOME EGGS?" "NO TIME."

WELL, "MAGGIE, HOW ABOUT
IF WE MEET FOR LUNCH?

"OH, I COMPLETELY FORGOT."

WELL, "MAGGIE, HOW
WAS YOUR DAY TODAY?

"I DON'T WANT TO TALK
ABOUT IT. FRED CALLED?

"OH, I HAVE TIME
TO TALK TO HIM!"

JASON. DON'T "JASON" ME, MAGGIE.

I'VE ALSO BEEN WATCHING THE
WAY YOU'RE DRESSING LATELY.

AND NOW I UNDERSTAND IT.

IT'S BECAUSE WHEN
HE LOOKS AT YOU,

HE LOOKS AT YOU
AS IF YOU WERE...

AS IF YOU WERE A WOMAN!

YEAH, YOU KNOW, AT FIRST I
COULDN'T FIGURE THAT OUT.

AND THEN IT DAWNED
ON ME. I AM A WOMAN.

SO, YOU ADMIT IT.

YOU'RE INTO THIS,
MAGGIE. YOU ENJOY IT.

YEAH, I ENJOY IT.

PEOPLE FIND ME INTERESTING
AND THAT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT IS,

YOU'RE PUTTING YOUR
HUSBAND THROUGH A LIVING HELL.

AND, MAGGIE, I WOULD
NEVER DO THAT TO YOU.

AH!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN "AH"...

"AH" MEANS I SPENT 15 YEARS IN
SWEATPANTS CLEANING TOILETS

WHILE YOU WENT
DOWN TO YOUR OFFICE

IN YOUR SEXY
PSYCHIATRIST'S SWEATER

AND YOUR SEXY
PSYCHIATRIST'S JACKET...

MY JACKETS AREN'T SEXY,
MAGGIE, THEY'RE TWEED.

WOMEN DIE FOR TWEED
AND YOU KNOW IT.

I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THAT.

AND HOW MANY NIGHTS DID I SPEND

WATCHING YOUR BROCCOLI GO LIMP

WHILE I WAITED FOR
YOU TO COME HOME?

I WAS FIGHTING TRAFFIC, MAGGIE.

YEAH, WITH THAT BRILLIANT YOUNG
PSYCHIATRIST IN YOUR CAR POOL.

DR. ROSENBLUM?

DR. JENNIFER ROSENBLUM.

WHO, AS I NOTICED,
ALWAYS MANAGED

TO RIDE IN THE FRONT
SEAT NEXT TO YOU.

MAGGIE, SHE HAD VERY LONG LEGS.

WELL, THAT'S A RELIEF.

I HOPE LEGROOM WASN'T A
PROBLEM WHEN THE 2 OF YOU

JETTED OFF TO CHICAGO FOR
THAT PSYCHIATRIC CONVENTION.

WE WERE WRITING
A PAPER TOGETHER.

YES, I REMEMBER IT.

USE THEM OR LOSE THEM.

MAGGIE, THAT WAS STRICTLY A
PROFESSIONAL RELATIONSHIP.

WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS?

WAS THAT A RHETORICAL QUESTION?

WAITING FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO
COME HOME ALL THE TIME IS HARD, JASON.

BUT YOU GET BETTER AT IT.

I HOPE SO.

SUDDENLY I FEEL VERY SILLY.

WELL, "SILLY" IS A STRONG WORD.

NOT ENTIRELY
INAPPROPRIATE, BUT STRONG.

JASON,

I LOVE YOU. I COULD
NEVER CHEAT ON YOU.

YEAH?

YEAH.

WELL, THANK YOU.

WELL, YOU'RE WELCOME.

CATERPILLARS!

WHAT?

IT'S OBVIOUS. BEN
SHOULD DO CATERPILLARS.

OH, NOW THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.

WELL, THANKS.

IT'S A GOOD THING I CAME
DOWN HERE TONIGHT.

OH, OH.

SO, HOW'S BEN DOING
WITH HIS CATERPILLARS?

SOMEBODY ELSE WAS
ALREADY DOING CATERPILLARS.

BEN HAD TO THINK
OF A NEW PROJECT.

OH.

A NEW PROJECT? PLEASE.

PRETTY GOOD.

HEY, WHERE'S MY MOLD EXPERIMENT?