Ground Floor (2013–2015): Season 1, Episode 1 - Pilot - full transcript

Come on, Brody. Everyone's at
the company party but us. Let's go.

I have work to do.

Dude, Mansfield said that
we could go for 30 minutes,

and... I should've
told you that 20 minutes ago.

Let's go.
It's gonna be beast.

Fine, I will go if you promise
never to say "beast" again.

Let's go!

- (Clink) Cheers, pal.
- Okay.

(Indistinct conversations)

- Mnh! Mnh! Mnh! Ooh! Yeah!
- It's was, like, a late...

- Yeah. Yeah.
- It was a late one.



- It hit late. (Groans)
- Ooh.

You know, this party
is pretty beast.

You just promised
you wouldn't say that.

- One last round?
- Let's do it.

Hey, can I get a...
(Glasses clink)

Hey, buddy,
I just need two...

(Ice cubes rattling)

I have one month to live.
I'd really like a...

Tell me you love the 49ers.

- Oh. I do love the 49ers.
- Louder.

(Loudly) I love the 49ers.

God, I love the Niners.
This is their year.

What can I get you?

I would like to have two shots...
Uh, one Tequila, one lemon drop.



The lemon drop's not for me.
(Mouths word)

I actually think
it's kind of sexy

when a guy's confident enough
to order a girly drink.

Could I have some extra sugar
on that rim

and maybe one of those little
umbrella thingies?

- I'm Brody. I work upstairs.
- I'm Jenny. I work downstairs.

(Laughs) So you're one of those
arrogant upstairs guys

- ...who works, like, 24/7, yeah?
- We don't work that much.

- Ever take time off?
- Yeah. This is it.

I have 15 minutes.

Well, that doesn't sound very fun.
*Don't you waa ditch sometimes?

I don't know. I never found
a good reason to, I guess.

- Bro.
- Mm?

Mansfield sent out a mass e-mail.
He wants us all back at work right now.

- What do you think? One more drink or...
- Oh, gosh.

I don't know, fellas.

Is... is Mansfield
one of those bosses

who doesn't mind
when you ignore him?

Or is he the type of boss

that would move your desk
into the men's room for a month

because you decided getting one
more drink was more important

than the company he built
with the blood of his ancestors?

- He's Mansfield, isn't he?
- He so is.

- Nice meeting you.
- (Laughs) You, too.

Oh, good. You're up.
(Giggles)

Guess what? My mom's in the neighborhood,
and she wants to go to brunch.

You'll come, right? She thinks
you're so cute. (Giggles)

(Whispers) I texted her
a picture of you sleeping.

Ha! (Laughing)
I'm totally kidding, dude.

You should've seen your face.
That was pretty damn funny.

(Laughs) Um, I gotta bounce.

Okay. All right.
Keeping it casual. Love it.

So how do we say good-bye without
this feeling so awkward and weird?

Great work last night?

- Hell, yeah.
- All right!

Open? Closed?

Whatever.
Okay.

♪

Season 1, Episode 1
"Pilot"

Yo, Threepeat.

Keep dropping the ball
on the Danson trust,

and I'm gonna steal
that client.

- Ball tap. (Smack)
- Uhh!

It's the only way to keep these
young guys in check, you know?

I know you think
you're being their mentor,

but really, at the end of the day,
you're just grabbin' nuts.

So, uh, that girl that I hooked up with
is pretty cool.

She works for
the company support staff.

Dude, you hooked up with
a ground floor chick?

Was it on a dare?

You're judging me?

Because you carry a list in your pocket
of stuff you'd like to have sex with.

Oh, and look. You crossed off
"giant stuffed teddybear."

Yeah. Yeah. We were in a toy store.
You gotta check this out.

Fellas, gather 'round.

Oh, this part's boring.
It's mostly just kissing.

Well, this is good.

See, I was worried
that you'd all waste

the five or so minutes before our morning
meeting working on your pitch books.

Instead, I see something that,
honest to God,

I wish I could show
to all our clients.

The fine young men I picked
to manage their money,

gathered together,

watching one of their brethren
pretend to make love

to a toy.

- Mr. Moyer, not participating?
- I'm too sad for the bear, sir.

Well, he's a build-a-bear, son.
We'll be able to fix him.

(Exhales)

Still, I was speaking
of Friday night.

You never came back to work.
Young Kyle here tattled on you.

And I know, Kyle. I promised
I wouldn't tell who told me.

But, son,
I lie sometimes.

Mr. Moyer, join me for one minute
out on the balcony, won't you, please?

Let's, uh, let's spark up
some guy talk. What do you say?

I'll lead off.
Please, have a seat.

How 'bout those Niners?
Do you like working here?

I'm sorry that I skipped out
on Friday night.

I just...
There was this girl...

Ah, yes.

The start of
every tragic story.

She works
on the ground floor...

(whistles)

There's something you need to understand
about ground floor people.

You see, they came here
right out of high school,

and they're sitting behind
the same desk

that they'll be sitting behind
for the rest of their lives.

The only way out

is to find a meal ticket
like you, Mr. Moyer.

Oh, well, she didn't seem like
that kind of...

I'll give you a signal
when I'm done talking, son.

Now...

I refuse to lose my most
promising young money manager

to a sea
of personal problems.

You go down, tell her it's over.
Be nice, but be clear.

I assume you're grinning
like an idiot right now

because I said
"most promising" earlier?

I am.

Stand up.

Please don't celebrate
till you've left my balcony.

(Claps hands)

I can't believe you slept with one
of those soulless upstairs guys.

My one-night stand alarm
went off, okay?

I only let myself do those
biannually.

I was in a weird mood. My mom
sold the house I grew up in.

- Where was it?
- Everywhere.

Oh. (Laughs)
It's an RV. Yeah.

It was cool. Sometimes I used to
drive my house to high school.

How about you, Derrick?
You hook up at the party?

Oh, man, I got me
a little Cuban chick.

Slammin' bod. I mean, she had
some fiesta titties, man!

Sweet. What's her name?

- I didn't meet nobody.
- Ah!

I thought you were gonna try
to stop lying all the time.

Yeah, man, I can't stop the first lie.
That's just who I am.

Jenny's making me work
on coming clean

if somebody asks
a follow-up question, though.

So please,
no follow-up questions.

So I take it your brother's
not getting us playoff tickets?

No, dude, he's definitely gonna
get the tickets.

- Is he really getting the tickets?
- Hell, no, man!

Brody! Hi.

Hey. I didn't even know there were
offices down here. Wow, it's hot.

Oh, yeah, that's 'cause all the building's
electrical equipment's back there.

(Laughs) I'm pretty sure
none of us can have babies.

Look, I wanted to explain
something about the other night.

Don't sweat it, okay?
Everybody's got weird sex stuff.

I like eye contact, and you like
to yell "Yahtzee!" when you finish.

What? I can't help it. I say
"Yahtzee" when I get turned on.

Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late.

Whoo! Last night I was
out dancin' with my gays till...

Well, now.

Changing to
my work clothes.

Is this the upstairs guy?

You look like a tool.

- Be nice.
- Okay.

You look like a tool!

All better.

Ooh, that was awesome.

I'm sorry. I should've said
I was in there. That's my bad.

Whatever, man. I'm just glad
I'm finally at work.

Gotta get some sleep.

Anyway, I just wanted
to ta...

(telephone rings)

Building support.

Hey. Come on. Let's step
outside, chat for a second.

- No thanks, man.
- Aw, come on.

(Singsongy) I'll give you
the scoop on Jenny.

Oh, he liked that.

(Exhales) Hoo!

Hey, fellas.
Uh, anybody want a cigar?

That's disgusting.

Are you sure?
They are falling from the sky.

Oh! Still lit.

(Chuckles)
That means it's fresh.

Now here is the scoop
on Jenny.

(Chuckles) (Chuckles)

Stay away from her.

She loves me.

We're just in that magical time
in a relationship

before she knows
she's in one.

Hmm.

What other imaginary things do
you and Jenny do together, huh?

You go on long walks
by the ocean?

Go to one of those
build-your-own-yogurt places,

and then she puts
a cherry on her nose?

You bite it off, right?
But now you're too cold.

Now you guys go to
that coffee hut.

You get your soy latte on,
right?

Because she can't
digest dairy.

And then you say,
"I love you, honey."

And she looks
right back at you.

And then what happens?

Calm down, Harvard.

Hey! Whoa.

How'd you know that I went
to Harvard?

Uh, he was talking to me,
fancy pants.

We call him "Harvard"
'cause he went to college.

A very competitive
community college.

It's a 24-month program,
and I actually finished it in 22.

Hey. So what'd you need
to talk about?

I was actually hoping to do this
a little more privately.

(Whines, nasal voice)
"Do this more privately."

Friday night was great, and
you're a really sweet girl, but...

Do you wear colored contacts?

(Laughs) No.

They're so blue.

The hell with it.
We both had a great time.

We should go out again.

Um... no, thanks.
But thank you for asking.

Did you seriously
just turn me down?

Yeah, she did, and we all
heard it. So... good-bye!

I would never date
an upstairs guy.

My boss told me it was like your
dream to date a guy like me.

So you and your boss sit around
and talk about who we want to date?

I told you they don't actually
do anything up there.

"Buy! Buy! Sell! Sell!
Hey, how's your new horse?"

- We don't all have horses, man.
- Prove it.

I don't know how to prove
I don't have a horse.

(Clears throat)

Look, Brody, it's really not
about you, okay?

It just seems like
you upstairs guys

are just kind of, um...

Sad.

- Sad?! What?!
- Mm-hmm.

How are we sad?

Maybe you're sad
'cause you're so loud.

It just seems like you never
have any fun, you know?

I mean, we work hard,
but down here, it's just...

It's not as uptight,
you know?

Like,
if a great song comes on...

♪ We're gonna have a
dance break, you know?

- ♪ (Derrick) Unh!
- ♪ Brody, do you know?

♪ Do you know? You know?
Brody, do you know? ♪

That's very unpleasant. Okay.
(Shouts indistinctly)

Yahtzee. (Chuckles)

(Laughs)

Sorry. Did you get mad because
all the people seemed happy?

(Laughs)

You're a cute little nerd.

I'm gonna go back to work, okay?

- Yeah, why don't you ride your horse back?
- Hey, I will kill you!

Dance break, man!

- You want in on this?
- (Laughs) No.

- No?
- No.

♪ Threepeat, Threepeat,
on the street ♪

♪ Threepeat, peat, peat,
on the repeat, peat, peat ♪

(Singing indistinctly)

Oh! Oh!

♪ Threepeat,
Three, Three, Threepeat ♪

That's my name.

- Okay.
- Okay! Okay, stop!

This is a place of business,
man.

Oh, come on, man!
Fun Brody up in this beast!

- Let's ditch work and get outta here.
- And go where, Mr. Moyer?

Uh, to that room where
it's easier to work.

The special workroom.

My office, please.

(Button clicks, door buzzes)

Ooh. Automatic door remote.
That's very beast, sir.

Thank you.

You have one hour
to come up with a new word.

Understood.

I'm really sorry. I just...

See all these words that
I've posted around the office?

Do you ever wonder why I picked
those particular words?

Because they're all qualities
that you would like us to have?

No.

It's because they're all words
I use to describe myself.

And I find that...

Impressive

Come.

Sir, that girl downstairs
messed with my head.

Talking to her is like
drinking Tequila.

One second, you think
you're totally in control.

And then the next thing you know,
you wake up naked in the yard,

and your mom keeps saying
that you've ruined Christmas.

This girl's got me questioning
my whole life.

Ooh.

You got yourself
a life-unraveler, don't you?

That's a girl who says things
that makes you look at your life

in a whole new
and mostly negative way.

Yes. She made me feel
like my life is empty,

that all I do is work.

I don't know.
Maybe she's right.

Maybe I'm not having
any fun.

You think I have fun,
Mr. Moyer?

Well, you got drunk
at the 4th of July barbeque,

and you and your wife had sex
in the bouncy castle.

I love America, Mr. Moyer.

Son, I am crazy rich.
I work three days a week.

I haven't missed my daughter's
volleyball game in five years.

And I take my family on vacation
whenever I want to.

And do you know why I have
all of those things?

Because I literally
busted my ass until I was 40.

And sure, some of these ground
floor people have fun now,

but where are they gonna be
in ten years?

Nowhere. Struggling to make rent
with no future.

And I'm telling you
right now,

that's not as much fun
as a beach house.

Or a horse.

I can't believe I let that girl
twist me up. But no more.

You know what you are, sir?

You're a life-raveler.

Yes, I am.

And that's damn sure
going up on the wall.

(Chuckles)

Sir, in regards to finding
a replacement word for "beast,"

what are your thoughts
on "fandango?"

I like that a great deal.

I would like
to let you all know

that I will not be
coming back here anymore.

Ha ha.

I feel like at this point you're
down here more than we are.

Hey, sad upstairs dude.

You know what?
I am not sad, okay.

You know whose lives
are sad? Yours.

You all keep pretending
you're happy,

and I'm gonna go upstairs
and build my future

and get my beach house, because
apparently they're very fun.

Well, well, well, well,
well, well, well. (Chuckles)

Mr. Wishes-he-had-my-beard
thinks he's better than all of us.

I could put a suit on
and do your job tomorrow.

I could do it today,

but I would need to borrow
a suit from my dad first.

Okay, and on that final
insane note,

I will now say good-bye
and good riddance.

What is that look? Why are you
giving me that look?

I'm just really worried that you're gonna
feel bad about the stuff you just said,

and I want you to know
that I forgive you.

(Under breath) Stop asking her questions,
Brody!

You talk to yourself a lot.

(Under breath) Ignore her.

(Lasers firing)
(Knock on door)

(Pauses video game)

(Exhales deeply)

Hey. I know it's... (Chuckles)
Weird, me coming here this late...

No, Jenny, it's not weird at all.
I can't stop thinking about you either.

I just came
'cause I left my scarf.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on.
Come on in.

Sure, sure, sure.

- Oh, good. You found it.
- (Chuckles) Yeah. See ya.

Aw, not if I don't see you first, girl.

- What?
- What?

- Okay.
- Sure.

Yeah, peace!

(Door closes)

(Chuckles) And I said,

"The only way
I'm flying commercial is if

they're shooting a commercial
about flying privately."

(All laugh)

This guy gets it.
(Laughs)

Hey, who's the new guy?

He just started here.
Came over from Goldman.

Let's try to be the best version
of ourselves out there today.

All right, fellas? I mean, after all,
it's not just money we're playing with.

It's also people's lives.

(All laugh)

Wait. That's a joke. I didn't
realize how cynical you all are.

(All laugh)

You're horrible.
You're actually horrible people.

Hey, new guy.

Can I actually talk to you
out in the hallway, please?

Ohh. What's the problem, chief?
Do you feel...

Threatened by me?

I get it.

It's a lot of pressure having to
be the best all the time.

You've got Asian parents.
You know what I'm talking about.

Hey, uh, when were you
at Goldman?

I was there for two years.
I don't remember you.

You know what? Sorry.
We actually need to talk right now.

Okay. Guess he wants to
show me his horse. (Chuckles)

(All laugh)

He's right about the pressure,
you know.

My parents still make me take
violin lessons.

When will I ever
be good enough for them?

- Ball tap.
- Uhh!

(Pushes button)
They totally bought it.

(Bell dings, door closes)
God, I feel alive.

I think I have an erection.

Yes, I do.

Do you even realize
how dumb that was?

The second Mansfield came in,
your ass would've been fired.

Well, it's not as dumb
as kissing a girl

who just stands there
and doesn't even kiss you back.

Jenny didn't just stand there.
She kissed me back.

Wait.

She kissed me back.

Well, it's gone now.

(Bell dings)

Hi. You kissed me back.

What?

Your lips moved
just as much as mine,

and your tongue was
everywhere.

My tongue was just hiding
from your tongue.

Really? It was hiding
in my mouth?

That's a bad hiding spot because
my tongue found it right away.

Will you just admit
that you kissed me back?

Of course I kissed you back,
Brody. I'm not rude.

If somebody kisses me,
I always kiss back.

(Spits)

Jenny, can I talk to you
in the closet for a second?

You can't admit it, can you,
that we connected?

I just wanted my scarf back.

What did you want with a scarf
at 11:00 at night?

(Stammers) What are you,
the scarf police?

You know what I think?

I think you like me.

I think you like
that I'm successful.

I think you like
that I'm honest.

But I'm not the guy that you
think you're supposed to like,

and that's got you
all twisted up.

And that's the truth,
and we both know it.

Hey. Um...

Are you doing anything fun
for your birthday tonight?

How'd you know
it was my birthday?

Um, the first night that we got together,
I looked through your wallet.

Taking some cash. I do that.

I couldn't remember your name,
so I looked at your license.

"Carol" is
a rough middle name, bro.

Well, on your birthday,

Mansfield takes you out
for steak and scotch.

Cool. Is that fun?

Well,
it's kind of mandatory.

It's like going to the dentist
once a year.

You go to the dentist. We get it.
You know, quit bragging.

Well, when was the last time you did
something fun for your birthday?

Well...

On my 18th birthday,

right before
my dad passed away,

he took me to
this piano bar.

He snuck me in.
He let me have a few beers.

And, uh, he played Elton John
songs all night on the piano.

I actually sang one of them,
and, uh, everyone joined in.

It was really awesome.

Sounds really awesome.

We go to that dive bar
up the street after work.

You should come with us.

- Yeah, come with us. Have some fun.
- Yeah.

- Come on, man.
- Get on out.

Or don't, you know,
if you're busy.

I can't.
Uh, it's not really my choice.

If you change your mind,
we leave here at 6:00.

Hey, Brody. Wait.

That, uh, that thing about
your dad...

- Yeah.
- Um...

Don't come tonight.

Oh, birthday steaks
and scotch tonight.

Who's ready, boys?

We're just gonna finish this client
brief on interest rate projections...

(Imitates explosion)
And then we will head out, sir.

Going late
to his own birthday party.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Brody Moyer is back on track.

And do you know why?

Life-Raveler

You're welcome.

There's, like, three chairs
missing from this table.

(Singsongy) These chairs are
fantastic!

It's like you're about to fall,
and then you don't.

Like, oh, my God!
Oh, I'm fine.

All right, it's 20 after.

That means it's time to go
because he's not coming.

I just... I wanna wait
a little bit longer.

Look, if we wait too long,

the bartender
who thinks I'm cute

and trades me drinks for hugs
is gonna be gone,

and then the girl bartender's
gonna be there.

Okay, fine. We can go.

(Types) (Chuckles)

What's the big deal about
this guy anyways?

He's just another
soulless, upstairs tool.

No. He's got a soul, man.
He rescued you.

All those other guys would've let you
get fired and then laughed at you.

Well, maybe. Maybe he has
a little bit of soul.

Yo, Derrick, let's go!
Tori's already gone.

What? Really?!

(All) ♪ Happy Birthday to you

♪ Happy Birthday to you

Who are they singing to?

♪ Happy Birthday, dear Brody

♪ Happy Birthday to you

They don't even know
I'm not there.

I'm sorry, man. Don't be sad.
I'll play it for you later on my violin.

I'll grab some beers.

No, thanks. I'm good.

You know, if I had a son,
he'd probably be just like that.

Excuse me, sir?

Nothing. Nothing.
It's just interesting.

Sometimes a young man can
ignore your wishes,

and you end up
respecting him more. Mm.

Okay. All right.

All right. Save a little
for next time.

(Tori) No way! He came!

- Ohh! Happy Birthday, Brody!
- (Harvard) Hey, Carol!

Thank you.

- I knew you would come.
- No, you didn't.

If I didn't know, why did I have
them bring the old piano out?

You remember? The last time
you had fun on your birthday.

Yeah, but that piano's here
all the time though, isn't it?

Have you ever
been here before?

- No.
- Then no, it's not.

(All laugh)

You're up, Derrick. Let's go.

- Here'e go. Oh! Oh!
- Ohh!

Ohh! Ohh!

Wait. Hold on a second.
You can play piano?

No. But, you know, I can do
a little somethin' somethin'.

(Playing Elton John's
"Your Song")

Oh. That's Elton John,
isn't it?

- Yes.
- So you should sing.

- No, no. That's ridiculous.
- Yes!

- Come on! Get up there!
- You've gotta. Yes.

No. Guys, I really don't like
being the center of...

♪ And you can tell everybody

♪ This is your song

♪ It may be quite simple,
but... ♪

♪ Now that it's done

♪ I hope you don't mind
(Mouths word)

♪ I hope you don't mind

♪ That I put down in words

(all) ♪ How wonderful

♪ Life is

♪ Now you're in the world

(Whispers) He's horrible.