Greek (2007–2011): Season 2, Episode 5 - Pledge Allegiance - full transcript

- Previously...
- This is my money, my freedom.

- I'll be able to do whatever I want.
- It's an incentive trust.

My girlfriend's dead. She discovered
this tiny lump on her neck.

Still tough.

And I guess that's why I haven't really
gone out with anyone

- since she died.
- It's my credit card bill!

- Thirteen hundred?
- Dollars?

I have to get a job.

You can start your first
exciting campus tour next week.

We're sisters forever, Frannie.
Just no longer friends.

Casey has a warped sense
of sibling relationships.



I've done nothing but support her,
advise her constantly,

- this is the thanks I get.
- Maybe you should stop being so nice.

- Just get back in the game.
- Well, maybe you're right.

Welcome to the majestic
and historic Cyprus-Rhodes University.

To our right you'll notice Dressel Hall,
which was named for Daniel Dressel,

the scientist celebrated
for inventing...

- For inventing...
- I can't stand the suspense.

Our campus is huge!

And historical. It sucks.

I have two days to memorize
this entire book before my first tour.

- An entire book!
- Just relax.

And think about how,
one day soon, you'll be able to...

shop again.

If I'll still remember how.



I know this building.

Coming up on our left
is the Cutler Planetarium,

the site
of Casey Cartwright's first kiss

with Max,

Somebody,
the celebrated polymer science major.

Our first date's tonight.

I'm nervous.
I haven't dated somebody so...

Tragic?
Tragic is hot.

Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind.

You can be all Jennifer Connelly
and save him from the brink.

We're keeping tonight low-key.
No psychotic breaks, just dinner.

- A Beautiful Meal.
- And maybe Dobler's after.

You really like him.
You can't stop smiling.

It's like your face is broken.

Max and I haven't even gone
on an official date.

But the other night
was so cosmically incredible.

Like Cappie or Evan incredible?

Kind of. Except with Evan
it was all about the Greek system

and with Cappie it was all about...

pie.

Max is smart.
And soulful and wounded.

He's swimming in the deep end of life
while I've been in the kiddy pool.

I think I'm ready to join him.

After all, there's more to life
than the Greek system and pie, right?

Pie!

Gotcha.

And on our right you'll notice Frannie
has parked in your presidential spot.

Look who's back from the Vineyard.

He never took me there. Jerk.

Someone peed in your kiddy pool.

It's a beautiful day.
We'll park down the street.

You can practice walking backwards.

Have fun in the deep end.
You know I can't swim!

Horseshoes are a real backbreaker.

He couldn't bear
to have them cleaned here?

- You're welcome.
- Wade, I have your rocks.

Pack 'em how I like it.

And what does he need
with the fireworks, anyway?

Fourth of July's four months away.

Real question is, why are we
the only ones doing this crap?

Nachos!

Thanks, Spitter.
You're the breast.

I mean, best.
Good one, Beav.

I know Pickle screens his calls
to avoid chores.

He only answers if I call
from an unknown number.

And Gonzo, that guy's lazier
than Paris Hilton's left eye.

I haven't seen him at the house.

If I pick up their slack one more time
I'm gonna go postal on their asses.

What are you trying to do to me here?
That's cilantro on my'chos.

- Are you allergic or something?
- I don't like vegetables.

Cilantro's an herb.

Which doesn't belong on nachos.

Go get new ones. Quickly.

Sans herbs.

I say before tonight's pledge meeting,

give everybody a kick in the ass.
Kind of redistribute the load.

It's mail call.

My pledge brothers are
about to receive my package.

Greek 2x05
Pledges Allegiance

?Akazab?, Benj!, Kasius.

- So, this is Dobler's.
- What was that?

I guess it's pretty loud in here.
What did you think of the restaurant?

It was good, it was good.

I've never had Korean barbeque before.

It really should be cheaper,
since we cooked the food ourselves.

Never mind.

- Are you not having fun?
- I was gonna say, it...

I haven't been on a date
since Sarah died.

Didn't realize it would be weird. Sorry.

It's fine, Max.

Do you want to talk about her?

I don't know.

A first date conversation about my dead
girlfriend might be a little heavy.

Heavy? I love heavy.

- She grew up in Illinois.
- Just like me.

- What was her major?
- Philosophy.

That's so interesting.

It's not like she wanted
to be a philosopher.

She always knew
she wanted to help people.

By studying how various cultures
fundamentally differed in how they live

then she'd be able to interact
more efficiently with them.

She wanted to join the Peace Corps
and just travel the world

doing whatever she could
to make it a better place.

She was kind of a Buddhist that way.

That's great.

- That felt pretty good.
- See? Not too heavy at all.

Light.

If Sarah were here, she'd say, " Stop
talking about me, talk to your date."

Tell me, Casey, what's...
What's on your mind?

Well, actually, this girl, Frannie,
she stole my parking spot at the house.

She and I have this whole...

You know what? Never mind.
It's so not important.

Should we get drinks or something?
Are you thirsty?

Because I am dying!

I meant to say I'm dying of thirst.

Got it.

I'll get us a couple of beers.

This is the nicest restaurant in town.

- Evan's treating. He insisted.
- Really? Why?

We haven't talked
since he sold his soul.

- I'm assuming they pay well.
- Hi. Chambers?

Couldn't we have had dinner
someplace normal?

Maybe for Evan this is normal.

I was beginning to think you guys
ditched us for a better offer.

Well, we were meeting Donatella
in Barcelona for tapas,

but she had a case of the vapors.

It's my fault. I'm desperately trying
to finish my dissertation.

I just have to dot some I's
and cross some T's

and then I'm officially overeducated
and underemployed.

Is it too early to toast
to your accomplishment?

It's never too early to toast.
You want to do the honors?

So, Frannie, how was Martha's Vineyard?

Gorgeous.

The house was indescribable

and the staff were so warm
and welcoming.

- So, Michael, after the dissertation?
- The job hunt begins.

Just getting an interview
for a professorship is impossible.

- It'll be tough.
- Who's tougher than you?

Evan said the B-minus you gave him
was the lowest grade he's ever gotten.

And O'Toole's failing your class
for the third time.

Tough's got nothing to do
with actually getting the job.

- A lot of it's who you know.
- Have you decided on a wine?

Just pick something reasonable.

You, the French expert, what's the wine
you'd order if money was no object?

The'92 Montrachet.

Excellent choice, sir.

I'm really excited about this wine.

I first heard about it when I was
in France my freshman year.

It's supposed to be amazing.

Before Wade and Cappie join us
for our weekly pledge meeting...

Wait a second.
Where's Gonzo?

He had a thing, or something.

And this is my point.

I feel

a few of us pledges are being a tad lazy
when it comes to our pledge duty.

Easy, champ, I don't think I like
where this is going.

No, he's right.

Today, for instance, we had to get lunch
for Beaver, rocks for Wade,

- fireworks for Heath...
- Judas.

- Who said that?
- What martyrs.

I had to clean under Ferret's bed.

Want to know
what's on all those tissues? No.

I had to wash Jeremy's hair
with scented oils on Tuesday.

Smell my hands.

- We've all had to do that!
- Judas!

Who keeps saying Judas?

- What's all the racket down here?
- Ben and Rusty are all like,

"Hey, we do more pledge work
than you do."

Everybody else is like, "No way,
man, we totally do more pledge work."

I had to mulch the entire front yard.

You're coming at us with mulch?

- We've all did that.
- You look at me like...

- Quiet!
- I do this for fun.

We hear your concerns.

Pledge responsibilities are taking
their toll.

You all work very hard

and maybe it's time for us
to celebrate that.

Are you thinking Old Folks Home
weekend, Cap?

- I am, indeed, Wade.
- Wait. Philanthropy?

No, not philanthropy.

- Old Folks Home is a classic.
- Classic.

Every spring, usually about this time,

the KT men lock themselves
inside the house

and engage in a 24 hour period
of drinking,

- TV, card playing.
- Love cards.

Fine meals.

- And other fratelicious fun.
- Wouldn't it be better with girls?

I admire your libido, but while
all other KT parties are about girls...

Old Folks Home is
about pledge/active bonding.

- Bonding.
- And giving you all a sneak peek

of what it will be like
when you become actives and move in.

So, all you pre-actives,

be here with your sleeping bag
and party stamina tomorrow afternoon.

Campout.

- Who got dumped?
- Frannie bought a ton of marshmallows,

chocolate and graham crackers.
We're making s'mores in the oven.

- Tell Casey your great idea.
- What great idea?

Well, I know how busy you are
as the interim president,

and how hard it must be to also function
as the pledge educator.

Here, let me.

And I'm just afraid that you, or we,
may be losing sight may be losing sight

of one of ZB's most valuable resources,

the pledges.

- Here. Let me.
- We smell chocolate!

Girls, have some please.

Anyway, I thought
I could do my sisterly duty

and offer to relieve
your responsibilities.

After all, I served as the pledge
educator before I was elected president.

- We think it makes sense.
- You have sort of slacked off

- with the pledges this semester.
- Don't you think it would be hard

on the pledges, to change leadership
midstream like that?

- I'll survive.
- Couldn't care less.

And a good leader delegates.

Thank you.

I'd love for you to take
the pledge educator reins.

- That'd be great.
- Thanks, Case.

We'll have so much fun.

Built in 1927, the Katherine
Anne Findley Memorial Library

houses over 1.5 million volumes of books

and is outfitted
with nearly 50 miles of shelving.

- Doesn't that sound kind of braggy?
- No, it's fascinating.

So, my first date with Max
was a bit of a mess.

His girlfriend wanted to right
the wrongs of the world,

the only injustice I could talk about
was Frannie stealing my parking spot.

Plus, she's pledge educator now?

I'm not gonna let
that little stuff get to me.

If some pledge class participation
makes her happy, then

who am I to deprive my mortal enemy
of that small pleasure in life?

I just want to focus on swimming
in the deep end with Max.

- As long as you're being yourself.
- You know better than that.

You can't truly be yourself
until date nine. It's like this tour.

You lead with bragging
before you reveal

that every Saturday night some
drunk couple has sex in that fountain.

I'd rather know that stuff up front.

- So, when's your next date?
- Tonight.

But I thought we'd do something
more meaningful than Dobler's

so I suggested that we go to the drama
club's Shakespeare in the park.

- How romantic.
- Let's hope so.

Wait.
Where are we?

This can't be good.

Pre-active.

I do like the sound of that.

Whippersnappers, time to get to work.
Pickle, whip up some Jell-O salad.

Woodchuck, take this cane and beat
the filth out of the couch cushions.

- Pickle, you're on keg pumping duty.
- Wait, guys.

Do I make the Jell-O salad
before I work the keg?

This is a torch.
Find Jeremy for further instructions.

- After the keg? During?
- Pickle, figure it out.

Arrowhead,

take these kneepads
and go see Beaver.

Disperse!

I thought we were getting a preview
of living in the house like an active.

So it is.

Over the next 24 hours
you and your pledge brothers

will watch us be actives,

so you know what you have to look
forward to when you're made active.

{\Right now,}You're still pledges and pledges
need to know their place.

As my very own big brother,
Egyptian Joe,

said to me
at our Old Folks Home event,

"If you want to live in a democracy,

"don't buy store-bought
Rice Krispie treats."

What {\the hell}does that mean?

I was a pledge.
It wasn't my place to ask.

These are for you.

Human remote,

find blood sport on TV.

I want to see dudes fight.

Beav, I've been through every channel
four times already. It's not on.

Do you have to use the megaphone?

Hey, watch your Van Damme mouth,
human remote.

Now change the channel!

Leave it on
the Spanish channel for now!

- I've got an idea.
- Chesty Spanish beauties. OK.

Human remote,
how you holding up?

I'm exhausted.

And my eyes are killing me from
standing so close to the television.

That's the spirit.

Hey, could you make me
a Chicago-style hot dog?

Listen, Spitter,

I know you're tired.
I know you're worn down.

But there's one thing
that you shouldn't forget.

The celery salt
on the Chicago hot dog.

That's what makes it delicious.

Pickle, mush.

Spitty, can you bring back
a couple of dogs for me and Waderito?

Spitty? Two.

Hey, Ben, can you help me
with the hot dogs?

It's hot dogs, Cartwright.

I've got a delicate cr?me brul?e
situation here.

Not burning myself and the plastic
is damn near impossible.

No, Ben, come help me
with the hot dogs!

Hot dogs. Right. Got it.

God, enough.

I'm taking it.

Last night didn't bother you at all?

I thought the escargot
were a little chewy.

- Is that what you mean?
- The French food, fancy wine.

I didn't even know
Evan liked that kind of stuff.

- How much was that wine, anyway?
- Four hundred a bottle.

You guys drank three bottles.

I don't even have a hangover.
It was like, magic wine.

Yeah, for 1,200 bucks, it should drive
you home and tuck you into bed.

I don't care if you have
Oprah money, that's crazy.

Look, if you're concerned
about Evan, don't judge him.

Just be there for him
if or when he needs a friend.

Can I judge Frannie?

If it makes you feel better.

Cal, to a person like Evan, 1,200 bucks
is like me taking you to the movies.

I just wish I was the one
who could lavish you

with expensive dinners.

I don't mind that you're poor.

I just prefer you to not use
the word "lavish" again.

- It's weird.
- Judging.

Sorry.

Oh, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!

You leaving, Case?

This is my spot, Frannie.

I {\just}need to unload
some stuff for tonight.

What's tonight?

A lock-in with the pledges.

- Oh, I didn't know about that.
- Why would you need to?

Presidential approval
isn't required for a lock-in.

Yeah, true.

What's all the stuff?

Oh, nothing.

Arts and crafts, gift bags.

{\Gift bags?}What kind of gift bags?

Oh, picture frames, t- shirts,

little pads. I'm kind of running late,
Casey, so if you're going...

I'm not leaving. I mean,
I'm leaving to go on a date,

but my car's staying here.

In my spot.

I was just getting a CD
out of my car.

Then why were you pulling out?

The stereo only ejects Cds
if the car's in reverse.

It's better for the environment
that way, I guess. It's a hybrid.

Regardless, the car is staying here.

Not me.

See? I got it.

Hajume!

That means, begin.

I don't want
to fight you, Rusty.

I wanted to yesterday when you
were being such a pain in the ass

about pledge duties,

but not like this,

not for them.

It'll all be fine, all right?

Just give Ben Bennett
enough time to get the...

Hey, Cap.

Rub this grease all over your body.

It'll make it impossible for Woodchuck
to get you in a choke hold.

Where's Ben Bennett?
He needs to grease up too.

I got five big ones
on him against Stork.

Cap!
I cannot fight Woodchuck.

He's too much man. It's scary.

Dude, the grease will work.

Fire! Everybody out!
We gotta go!

Fire?

Quick, go!

Everybody, quick! Go!

Go, go, go!

Oh, man, that was close.

Thank god we had {\those}the fire alarms.

The pledges!

Wait, we don't have fire alarms.

They're locked inside.

They'll be burned alive!

Drop and roll!

Beav, there's no fire.

Seems we've fallen victim
to a pledge prank.

All that alcohol might've impaired
our judgment. I've read it can do that{\to you}.

- They just mooned us.
- Except for Rusty.

He just showed his underpants.

A pledge insurgency.

- I didn't think they had it in them.
- What do we do now, Cap?

Well, now...

we get back inside that house.

To think that Caesar bears
such rebel blood

that will be thaw'd
from the true quality...

... with that which melteth fools.

So in the world,'tis furnish'd

well with men,
and men are flesh and blood...

You're late.
And wet.

I'm so sorry.
I walked.

So, you're... sweaty?

Huh? Oh, no.

I cut through the dean's estate
right as his sprinklers turned on.

I wanted to call,
but my phone got water on it.

It's broken.

Let me see it.

Maybe it's not broken-broken.

If you need to make a call,
check with Brutus.

He's wearing a Bluetooth headset
for some reason.

- Great Caesar!
- Doth not, Brutus,

bootless kneel?

Speak, hands, for me!

And Caesar is a blonde chick?

Sorry, Max, this isn't really
the evening I had planned.

It's OK.

I'm glad you're here now.

Et tu, Brute?

That bitch.

Caesar?
I don't think it was her fault.

Max, I really have to go.

- Is everything OK?
- Yeah, I just... I have to go.

Hopefully, I'll get a chance
to explain it all to you

on our ninth date.

I'll call you.

OK, bye.

Make sure the basement windows
are locked.

We've got to barricade
these doors!

Upstairs windows secure.
Just in time.

Hedgehog was shimmying up
the gutter pipe.

He's a little bit ninja.

Let us in!

Ben Bennett, Pickle,
help me push this bookshelf.

Good. Kitchen?

Wait, wait, wait.

Is the siege over?

No way.

They're out there, scheming.

I can feel it in my bones.

Dude, chill, chill, chill.

They're retreating.

They're heading toward town.
Maybe they're going to Dobler's.

Yeah, drink off their anger.

When they get a nice little buzz
they'll think we're awesome

for pulling such a cool prank.

What do we do now?

Let's dance it out, man.
Come on.

Hey, shouldn't you
be out with Max?

And what's with the wetness?

I know what she's doing.

- Who?
- Frannie McBrutus.

The pledge lock-in,
the gift bags, friggin' s'mores.

I should've known. She's solidifying
her power base among the freshmen.

Frannie can't run
for president again.

It's against national rules.
She was officially removed.

But that doesn't mean she can't
find someone to run against me.

She did invite all the officers
over for the lock-in tonight.

You see? She's Karl Rove
with hair extensions.

She'll talk someone
into running

then use the pledges
to get them elected president,

then she'll be pulling all the strings,
unraveling the sweater that is my life.

OK, did Max see you like this,
'cause you kind of got crazy eyes.

I can't talk to him
about this stuff.

It'll just sound ridiculous.

Once I win the presidency,

then I can dive back into
the deep end with Max.

But right now
I need to borrow your phone

so I can deal
with this hot Frannie mess.

I was just meeting
with my Econ professor.

Thought I'd stop by.
I hope I'm not interrupting.

You are, thank god.

I'm grading exams.

Now I can give you
this thank you note in person.

You didn't have to do that.

I'm a compulsive Miss Manners
freak, so I kinda did.

It was my pleasure.
In fact,

when we left the
restaurant, I started thinking.

My mom is on the alumni board
at Princeton,

so she could make a call

if you think that might help you.

Really? She would do that?
She doesn't even know me.

Well, she knows me
and I know you.

And like you said,
it's all about who you know, right?

That would be
unbelievably generous.

Happy to help.

Maybe you can help me with O'Toole.

It's obvious
he's gonna fail French yet again.

So I was hoping
you could intervene?

- You mean tutor him?
- Yeah, no, he's tried tutors.

He's tried practice tests.

We even force fed him
a wheel of brie.

The guy is just allergic to French.

Why do you care
if he passes my class?

Well, he's a brother in need.

And I like helping needy people.
Call me a philanthropist.

{\Come on,}It's not like he needs an A.

He's taking it pass/fail,
so just pass him.

What's the harm?

I don't change grades, Evan.

Well, no harm in asking, right?

And just remember,
if you change your mind

it could change your life.

My mother is
a very persuasive woman.

People say I take after her.

Frannie, can I steal you for a sec?

Date over already?
Don't get discouraged.

- There are more fish in the sea.
- I left my date early.

- I couldn't stop thinking about us.
- Oh, Case,

some girls may want to experiment
in college, but I don't.

Oh, Frannie. I can always
count on you to make me laugh.

Which is why I'd like
to clarify that whole

"we're sisters, not friends"
thing I said after Greek Week.

Sisters fight.

They say things they don't mean.

- Really?
- They also make up.

I guess what I'm trying to say is,

I'm sorry.

And I'm grateful that you're
taking over as pledge educator.

Casey, I'm really glad
that you said that.

It must've taken
an awful lot of courage.

So, truce?

Friends close, enemies closer?

That's Politics 101, poodle,
and I believe I was your professor.

You're gonna have to do
a lot better than that.

Pledges and officers,
time to start the lock-in.

Tonight's agenda will be as follows:

First we will make collages
expressing our hopes

and dreams and then
we will have a share circle.

And then after that we...

I'll get it. Before we
start Frannie's way fun collages,

I thought I'd treat the pledges to

delicious gelato,
courtesy of Gianni's Gelato.

Gelato's way better than collages.

Officers first, sluts.
Hi, there.

The gelato could have been from both
of us, but I guess we're not friends.

I learned that from you, too.
Always have a Plan B.

FYI, I'm part poodle, part pit bull.

You should be a professional
prank planner, Spitter.

I mean, first the farm animals
at the O-Chi house, now this.

I do seem to have a knack for it,
but it was Ben Bennett's

genius idea
of using Heath's smoke bombs.

Nice.

Everybody grab one.
Dinner is served.

Actually, it took all of us
pledge brothers to pull this one off.

You know what?
I like to use the term "pre-actives."

OK, everybody take a deep breath,

- count to ten.
- 2, 4, 6, 8, 9, 10.

The power's probably out because
somebody didn't pay the bill.

The power company's against us too, man?

Man, they're out there
with the actives, man.

And they got money and electricity, man.

Arrowhead, calm down.
Even if it is the actives,

they can't do anything
to us from out there.

They're gonna ram us.
They're gonna do us like Waco.

Game over. Game over!

They're having a dance party?

It's psychological warfare.

We go outside they kill us.
We stay inside we go insane.

It's like,
20 times in a row with this song!

The cops ain't coming. They probably
just think it's an Omega Chi party.

I say we go out and throw
ourselves at their mercy.

That's a great idea, Woodchuck.

Maybe if you talk to them real nice

they'll let you stay on as pledge till
you're ready for the old folks'home.

Stop it.
The enemy is not us, it's them.

If we keep fighting, they win.

- So what are you suggesting?
- Amnesty.

Negotiate a settlement

without additional punishment. Why would
they do that? They have all the power.

- We pissed them off.
- They need our dues.

If they lose the entire pledge class,

they won't have enough
money to keep this house open.

And if they lose the class,

it'll be harder for them
to get pledges in the fall.

Exactly.

Pledge problems.

Yep.

Good luck with that.

Vanilla? I thought you'd
have more adventurous tastes.

I've had enough adventures recently.

I don't need to relive
them through my gelato.

Listen,
I'm sorry to hear about you and Cap.

OK!
Way to kill my sugar high.

I just wanted you to know
I'm here for you.

You deserve a Daytime Emmy,
Susan Lucci.

- What do you mean?
- I know campaigning when I see it.

That's not what I was doing.

You and Frannie are
battling over the pledges.

She's trying to start
an anti-Cartwright faction.

You rallied admirably
with the gelato gambit.

Thank you.

Look, if the pledges are a swing state,
then you're their popular governor.

- I want your endorsement.
- We'll see.

I'm keeping my options open for now.

But for the record,

I appreciate how you stood up to Tegan.

Thanks.

And for the record,
I know how hard it is to get over him.

Well, you and el presidente
are looking mighty cozy.

I never mix personal with politics.

On the personal front,

Casey and I are OK.

On the political front,

it's open season.

You're smiley.

The polls are tracking in my favor.

Girls, put down your ice
butter and give me your attention.

My boyfriend, Evan Chambers,

he wanted to make sure this was the most
memorable lock-in ever,

so he sent us these four masseurs
to give us some deep tissue treats,

so go grab your robes and get
down here for some Swedish satisfaction.

Hey, Ash, get...!

You know I'm on your side.

But my chakras are a mess.

Hey, Casey, maybe you should go first.
You're looking a little tense.

So, we're in agreement?

No matter what happens,
we stick together.

I love you guys.

Break!

Where are they?

I don't know.

We're all gonna die!

Guys? Guys?
Ben?

Guys!

Guys!

Beav, we called a truce.

I feel all loosey-goosey.

I just wish I hadn't inhaled
all that gelato beforehand.

I need to stop eating
like a 500 pound man.

Hey, you guys, I have a great idea.

What if we play a game of I Never?

- Come on.
- OK.

How original.

- Are we gonna play?
- We have to.

What's a better way to learn about your
fellow sisters than by sharing secrets?

- Everyone circle up.
- Great. Very good.

How do you play?

Were you homeschooled?

Each girl says something
they've never done.

If another girl in the circle
has done that thing,

she steps into the middle of the circle.

Once they step out,
the game starts anew. I'll go first.

I never
have taken public transportation.

I never

ran up a 1,500 dollar
credit card bill in two weeks.

I see how it is.

I never

stalked an entire
a capella singing group.

Was that... Was that you?

I never had sex with Evan Chambers.

I never

served as ZBZ president
without being officially elected.

I never lost my presidency after
being forced to resign in scandal.

I never lost my virginity to Cappie
and wrote some stupid poem about it.

- Come on, Case, get in the center.
- Don't you ever touch me again!

- Or what?
- Or this!

I fixed your phone.

Want some water?

So now you know, I'm a girl who...

I like to throw drinks
in other girl's faces.

Is this a compulsive thing,
like Tourette's?

No, it was totally optional,
and you know what?

I enjoyed it!

But I can't do it anymore, Max!

I can't compete with Sarah.

She was

a world-saving Buddhist philosopher
who died tragically young from cancer.

Last week

I got visibly upset someone dribbled
coffee on myEntertainment Weekly.

- Nobody likes stains.
- I've been trying to be

someone I'm not for you.

And...

it's tiring.
And it just doesn't work.

No matter how great the guy is...

You think I'm a great guy?

Yeah.

I think you're great, too.

And look, Sarah was not a saint.

She smoked weed.

Bags and bags of weed.

She had severe bouts
of serious road rage.

I once saw her litter.

My point is,

I like you.

I don't want you to be someone else.

You're so...

so alive.

You like me because I'm alive?

Pretty broad criteria.

You don't do anything halfway.

When you needed to learn how
to count cards you hired an advisor.

You bought me a vintage tux.
I still owe you money for that.

And I love the way you told me about

your ran over cat and then you
felt crazy for telling me.

I love that you just threw
a drink in that girl's face.

You're just...
you're the first thing

that's made me want to come
out of my room since Sarah died.

I'm so happy when I'm around you.

And I'm happy when I'm around you, too.

Should we go finish
that girl off in there now?

She can wait.

I'd rather finish my date with you.

Everybody out but the
pledges and Pledgemaster Wade.

Thanks for sitting on them.

Can I please stay and
watch you crush their spirit?

No, Beav.

Tonight's transgression
was a major letdown.

Because it took you so long to do it.

- What are you talking about?
- You passed the test.

No KT would put up with being
a maid all day this far into pledging.

We wanted you to bond
together and revolt.

Prove that you've got KT
blood coursing through your veins.

So, you're not gonna punish us?

Dude, you're a genius.

You got us to do
exactly what you wanted.

Does free will even exist?

- A question for another day, Arrowhead.
- That's impressive.

You know what?

You guys are impressive.

All right, everybody upstairs
for drinks and a Steven Seagal marathon.

Hard to Kill, followed by
another showing ofHard to Kill.

Come on, big guy.

Get up there, have fun.

So we wanted them to rebel?

It's elementary, my dear Wadeson.

If our intent wasn't
for the pledges to revolt,

then the pledges got one over
on the actives.

The pledges are in control, then
the lunatics have taken over the asylum.

Black is white, up is down,
left is right,

boobs are bad,
cuddling is good etcetera,

etcetera, etcetera, so on and so forth,

until we're back to being cavemen.

I guess you're right.

Do you rember when we were pledges

and we...

we handcuffed Egyptian Joe
to that truck stop urinal?

Yeah.

He said it was genius.

- Then he hazed the crap out of us.
- That's right.

Their guard's down now, which
is exactly where we want them to be.

For Hell Week.
Hell, yeah.

I look forward to meeting you,
too, Dr. Hanson.

Merci.

You look like you're about to faint.
Who was that?

That was Princeton on the phone.

They want to meet.
Evan mom made the introduction.

That's awesome.

He didn't even mention anything to me.
I guess he is using his power for good,

keeping it a secret,
like a superhero.

Why don't you look like someone
who's about to meet with Princeton?

I'm just a little nervous, I guess.

- Leaping into the unknown.
- Here's something to calm your nerves.

- What's this?
- A gift.

It's the bottle of wine
you ordered at dinner last night.

A case and thought it would be

Nice to give you a bottle to thank
you for introducing him to it.

Nice guy?

Yeah.

All right, so let's go back
to your apartment and celebrate.

Why not?

And we're walking,
and we're walking and we're walking.

Over there is the Michael
Grant Fitness Center.

Built in 2003 with
a 20 million dollar endowment by

Michael Grant, CRU's firs
ever professional baseball player.

Inside you will find state
of the art exercise equipment,

and lots of toned, sexy people.

Moving on, to our right,

that there tree is known as Shady Lady.

And lounging beneath her awesome boughs

are my best friend, Casey,
and her new boyfriend, Max.

They are CRU's cutest
and newest couple on campus.

Finding a quality mate is just

one of the many advantages
to attending Cyprus-Rhodes.

And we're walking and we're walking...