Gravity Falls (2012–2016): Season 2, Episode 9 - The Love God - full transcript
After seeing Robbie's sadness over his and Wendy's breakup, Mabel steals a love potion from a Love God.
MABEL: Whoa!
That cloud looks
like a chipmunk.
WENDY:
Barfing an airplane.
( all laughing )
DIPPER: It does.
THOMPSON: Uh, that cloud
looks like...uh, a cloud.
LEE: Boo!
WENDY: Thompson, stop being
the worst at everything.
( chuckles )
Sorry, guys.
( all laughing )
Look at the clouds.
Ooh! That cloud looks like
a big heart-shaped balloon.
Clouds don't come in colors.
That is a balloon.
Oh, dude,
it's the Woodstick festival.
Wait.
The Wood what?
It's this annual
outdoor concert
featuring Oregon's
up-and-coming indie bands.
Hey.
They're all coming.
Scarves Indoors, Wood grain
on Everything, Love God.
You've probably seen
him in that viral video.
Who's ready
for love tonight?
Oh. Ow! Ow!
I hope nobody's
filming this.
Whoa, like
a real concert concert?
I've-- I've never actually
been to one of those before.
That's because you've never
had an awesome crew
to roll with before.
Come on, Thompson.
ALL: Lick that sponge.
Lick that sponge.
Oh!
I can't believe
he's doing it.
What is he doing?
When you're with us,
you're in.
( man moaning )
Ghosty sounds.
Cemetery ghosty sounds!
It's coming
from that open grave.
( moaning continues )
You look.
No. You look.
Thompson, go look.
Heh. Nice use of Thompson.
Gaze upon death.
ALL: Gaze upon death.
Gaze upon death.
Gaze upon death.
Gaze upon death.
( screaming )
Ugh! It's even creepier
than I expected.
( Robbie groans )
Why did she leave me?
Robbie?
Wendy! Oh. Uh.
( nervous chuckle )
Hey, what's up?
Just hanging out
in this grave, you know.
Regular.
Regular day for me.
Whoa, dude, we haven't seen
you in, like, a million years.
You're not still mourning
our break-up, are you?
What? No way.
Robbie, we split up
forever ago.
It's really sweet you'd throw
yourself into a grave for me,
but, man, time to move on.
What?
I've totally moved on.
( cell phone rings )
♪ Wendy, I miss you so much
♪ I'll never move on
♪ Never ever
That was a different Wendy.
Unrelated Wendy.
Dude, this is getting
really awkward.
Yeah, the cemetery
used to be fun.
Now it's just depressing.
( sighs )
Wait.
You guys, he's in pain.
We can't just
ditch him here.
Come on, Mabel.
It's Robbie.
But he's suffering.
How can I be happy if I know
someone else is sad?
It totally throws off
my Happiness Chart.
If there's one thing
I've learned this summer,
it's not to get mixed up
in needless romantic drama.
Besides, we're finally
in with Wendy's friends.
With Robbie gone,
there's a good social balance.
Maybe we should just let
a good thing be, you know?
Just eat me already, man.
Aaah!
I was just being dramatic.
Quit it. Ow! Ow!
My face.
Vulture!
Oh, man.
I'm sorry you guys
had to see that.
You know,
what Robbie needs?
A new girl.
Romance is like gum.
Once it's lost its flavor,
you just cram another one in.
It is if you're the world's
greatest matchmaker.
I've never had
an unhappy customer.
Like Soos and Melody.
Watch this.
Walking down
some actual stairs.
( giggles )
Did it look cool?
The coolest.
Match made!
And then, of course,
there's Waddles and Gompers.
( bleating )
Match made.
That might work
for a goat and a pig,
but Robbie's
a hopeless case.
Hopeless case, e-e-e-e-eh...?
♪ Putting a rainbow wig
on a big white gorilla ♪
What the...?
Oh, no.
Hot air balloons.
Fixed gear bikes.
♪ Singing
'bout the open road ♪
♪ My sandals
are so open-toed ♪
Folk music!
It's the Woodstick Festival!
Soos!
Lock down the Shack
and hide my shirts
before anyone
tie-dyes them!
They're slow.
I can probably
take a few down.
Wait, Mr. Pines!
( bird cawing )
I've been thinking.
Every year
this festival comes by
and every year you shun what
could be potential customers.
You really think I can
make money off of these
free-loading, kale-munching
freak shows?
You just got to figure out
what appeals to them.
Hmm.
How do I appeal
to young people?
So young people are into
hot air balloons, e-e-e-e-eh?
All right, Mabel.
Robbie's a broken teacup,
and you're going to
piece him back together.
( doorbell plays
spooky music )
Okay, this could get intense.
( gasps )
Howdy doo!
Happy day!
It iintense!
You're Robbie's parents?
raised by sad wolves
or something.
Oh, well, he doesn't
like to talk about us.
He always says we're too
cheerful for funeral directors.
( both laughing )
Come in.
Come in.
Cracker platter?
Oh, no time for crackers.
Sorry.
I'm here
to cheer Robbie up.
Cannot have a dry cracker
mouth for that.
Robbie Stacey Valentino!
There's little a girl
here to see you.
You go on up.
And could you bring
him his lunch?
Lady, I like your style.
( Mabel giggles )
You know who would look good
in a sweater like that?
Mrs. Grabelson's remains!
Oh, absolutely!
Robbie, it's Mabel!
Who?
Remember me?
I'm like Girl Dipper.
Ugh, go away.
I heard a "come in."
Ahh! Hey!
Listen, kid, nobody
in the Pines family
is welcome here.
In case you forgot,
your stupid brother
is the one
who ruined my life!
And Mabel's the one
who's gonna fix it.
Listen, Robbie, I always used
to see you as a creepy jerk.
Like the human version
of rat poison.
Uh, go on.
But when I saw you
in the cemetery today,
I realized,
Robbie's not a bad guy.
He's just
a heartbroken soul
who needs love--
and gloves with fingers.
Hey, fingerless gloves
look awesome.
No, they don't.
Robbie, you just need
a good matchmaker.
I guarantee
I'll find you true love,
or twice your sadness back.
If I say yes,
will you leave my room?
I guarantee it.
( knuckles crack )
Okay, Gravity Falls, who wants
to go out with Robbie?
Okay.
Lazy Susan, too old.
Grenda, too young.
Multi-Bear?
I'm putting you
in the "maybe" pile.
Who could it be?
Who could it be?
( bleating )
( squealing )
What's that, Gompers?
Someone we already know?
But who could possibly
be superficial
and gothy enough for--
( squeals )
Of course, that's it!
You two really are America's
favorite power couple.
More snacks!
More snacks!
More snacks!
I'm just happy to be included.
Ha!
This is brilliant.
The perfect way to sneak cheap
snacks into the concert.
And it was all
Dipper's idea.
Whoo!
Nice.
Well done.
Ideas!
Kid, I sense greatness in you.
( chuckles )
Oh, well, I don't
know about--
Greatness!
All right, now,
everyone go home
and finish getting
ready for the concert.
Hey, don't wait up, Tambers.
Don't call me Tambers.
Ha-ha!
Classic Tambers.
"Tambry.
You. Me. Date.
"Bring that sweet,
sweet bod.
Your secret admirer."
Love is about to happen,
Lazy Susan.
Watch and learn.
Ugh!
Robbie?
You're my secret admirer?
Tambry?
Ugh!
This is just what I get
for trusting a toddler.
Listen, I don't think
this is gonna work out.
Dating somebody
I already know?
It's kind of like
admitting defeat.
Um, way to assume
I'm even interested.
If I wanted to date you,
I would have done it already.
I'm just a little
out of your league.
Don't want to waste
that bad boy.
Status update.
On blind date
with sociopath.
Oh, sure.
Bring out the phone.
Classic Tambers.
Hey, can I get
some chili fries?
To go.
What?
How is this possible?
I'm supposed to be
the best matchmaker ever.
Did you hear that?
Did you hear that?
Let's go.
Let's go.
Whoo-hoo!
Who's ready to fall
in love tonight?
ALL: Love God!
( all cheering )
That's what they call me.
We're rewriting
history tonight,
and it starts
with you and you.
Love is real
and it's in your face!
( chuckles )
What's your name,
you little angel?
( chuckles )
Meredith.
Meredith, Meredith,
we got a problem.
That cutie right there
is your soulmate
and you're living
without him.
Oh, no.
Get it, girl.
You know what you love.
Pow!
Match made!
Ha-ha!
I must know how this works!
Hi.
Love God?
Mabel here.
Big fan.
Can I just say, that was some
of the finest matchmaking
I've ever seen?
Can you please, please,
please tell me your secret?
Well, between you and me,
let's just say,
my name's not exactly
a coincidence.
Oh. My. Love God.
Are you an actual Love God?
Call me a cherub.
The Internet pretty much does
my job for me nowadays,
so I've taken some time
to focus on my rock career.
Boom.
Cassette.
Boom.
For you.
Oh!
That's...great.
So anyway, can you make
anything fall in love?
Like that snake
and that badger?
( hissing and growling )
Hmm.
Ah, gee, I don't know.
That might be
kind of hard to--
Ka-boom!
Match made!
They're gonna
make a snadger.
How you doing that?
Love potion, yo.
I got it all.
Summer love,
young love, anti-love.
You just got to put a little
on your fingers and pow!
I need that potion.
How much would it cost?
Um, would you accept
squirrels as payment?
Whoa-oh-oh!
You might think you know
what's best for people,
but this stuff can have
major social consequences.
That's why it can only be
used by a serious expert.
Love God!
Sign my face.
Only if you sign mine, baby.
Let's get weird!
( squeaks )
Mind if I add a little
something to these fries?
I don't see why not.
Whoa!
Did your whole thing suddenly
get a lot more likeable?
You don't seem as needy
as I used to think you were.
Hey, you wouldn't want to
maybe get out of here and,
I don't know, go kiss
in public a lot?
For some reason, I do.
Status update.
You know what?
Forget it.
Maybe I should stare
at something
other than my phone
for a while.
Match made!
All right, who's ready
for the best
and most overpriced
day of our summer?
Whoo-hoo!
Yay!
All right!
I brought a baggie
of trail mix
and safety whistles
in case we get separated.
( clears throat )
Lee.
This kid is a champion.
We're just waiting on Tambry.
Can't leave without Tambry.
Sorry, guys, but Tambry's
a little busy at the moment.
Wink. Wink.
What does that mean?
Why are you winking?
Let's just say she and Robbie
took a trip to Smoochville.
Now everyone's happy!
Wait. Wait.
Robbie and Tambry?
This can't be happening.
How's that?
He knew I liked her.
How could he do this?
Whoa, hold it.
You like Tambry?
And you told Robbie
but not me?
You always make
fun of my crushes, man.
That's what we do,
genius.
Oh. Oh.
This is so like Tambry
to do this.
Date my ex behind my back.
I'm gonna tear her
highlights out.
Guys! Guys! Calm down.
We're gonna be late
for the concert.
Uh, news flash, kid.
I'm not going to the concert.
Not with him.
Hey, that won't be a problem
'cause I'm out.
Me, too.
Wait! Wait!
This group is all I have!
Don't make me go back
to having no friends!
Guys!
Match...made?
Wait, guys. Don't go.
Not my mailbox!
( grunts ) Ow!
( growls )
What did you just do?!
I've let these guys
pick on me for years
to keep this group together.
And now they've
totally fallen apart.
But we were all starting
to finally hang out together.
Well, unless you can break up
Robbie and Tambry immediately,
there is no gang.
I have no more friends.
And neither do you.
I'm gonna eat this.
Mabel, what did I tell you
about staying out
of Robbie's personal life?
I know. I know!
I just wanted to be
a good matchmaker.
I never should have gotten
love potion from the Love God.
Wait, love potion?
If you did a spell,
then can't you, like, undo it?
( gasps )
That's it!
If I undo the spell,
then everyone
will be friends again.
But I'm gonna
need your help.
Also, you are not
pulling off that V-neck.
I know.
Burn it!
Oho! Ha! Ha!
Balloon faster, Soos!
We need this thing
up in the air
before the festival ends.
Are you sure that
that open flame should be
that close to that dangling
cloth and rope?
I'm sure about everything.
Now lube up those engine gears
with some kerosene.
More kerosene!
Unh! Come back, guys!
Come on.
The tickets were 100 bucks.
I sold my watch.
You got to come
to the concert.
Ew, and have
to look at that?
No, thanks.
Ugh, they're doing
that couple hug-walk.
Guys, you're in public.
People can see you.
Dipper.
Come on.
Love God.
Sound check for Love God.
Ow!
Let's make some
miracles happen.
Groupies, bed-head me.
( chuckles )
Love God's about
to get crazy.
Whoa.
Hey, all right.
Now's our chance.
Here we go.
Let's see.
Puppy love, inter-species love,
love of country music.
Ew.
Oh!
Anti-love.
To reverse the effects
of love potion,
simply spray on your victim
and watch their heart die
on the inside.
Sounds good to me.
Hey!
You're the one who's
been stealing my stuff.
I am not loving this.
I'm sorry.
But I made a mistake
and I have to fix it.
Kid, I tried to tell you.
This stuff is way
too dangerous.
On my oath as a God,
I cannot let you--
Oh, hey,
where did you just go?
I'm sorry, Love God!
But it's for the good
of my friends!
Come back here!
( panting )
Dipper, catch!
( audience cheers )
♪
Get those kids!
ALL: Halt!
We mustache you to move!
Good one.
( crowd cheering )
Ooh!
Thank you.
Aagh!
No, no, no, everyone's
touching everything!
Give me back the potion!
Oh, hey, what's up?
Here, have a cassette.
Dang it.
Fly, tiny wings.
Get up there.
Oh!
I haven't had to use
these in a long time.
Dipper. Look.
( camera clicks )
Just one clean shot
to the back of their heads
and everything's fixed.
Sorry, kids, but you've
left me no choice.
Visions of heartbreak past!
We're back, Mabel.
We like you now.
Yes. Definitely. Absolutely.
Ha! You really think
we'd fall for that?
( Mabel giggles )
Sure you can all marry me!
Oh! Guy from the $10 bill.
I forgot
I had a crush on you.
Dang it, Mabel.
They're not real.
Just give us
the bottle, Mabel.
Mabel, don't!
It's finally done.
When these idiots
see this balloon,
they'll understand
that I love young people.
"I heart kids."
All right, let 'er rip.
Oh. Oh, no!
A letter rip!
What the H?!
( chatter, laughter )
( screaming )
I eat kids?
But we're kids!
It's heaven's
punishment
for our terrible
taste in everything!
Mommy, is the floating
head going to eat us?
Yes, Charlie!
Yes, he will.
Mabel, it's a trick!
Don't give him the...
Gotcha!
Oh!
Curse my oversized heart.
Sorry, kids,
but that's what happens
Only a greater being
from the heavens themselves
could possibly stop--
( people screaming )
It's coming down!
Whoooooa!
Oh, no.
I hope someone didn't die.
Yes,
that would be awful.
( both laughing )
What's everybody
crying about?
In my day, zeppelins fell
from the sky like raindrops.
It's him!
The horrible old man
from the sky!
( people shrieking )
You know what?
Being loved
by the youth is overrated.
Being feared?
Now that's priceless.
Love God, are you okay?
Please be immortal.
Please be immortal.
( gasps )
Dude.
I am so over this!
ANNOUNCER:
Love God to the stage.
Love God to the stage.
Aagh!
Look, kid, take it, okay?
Spray everyone
for all I care.
You want to mess
with people's lives?
You want to play God?
Do it.
'Cause I'm sick of it.
Medic, I need--
I need onion rings!
( band playing )
Okay, Mabel,
now's our chance.
They break up and the whole
friend group gets back together.
Mabel!
Mabel, I just wanted
to thank you.
I've been so miserable
since Wendy broke up with me
that I thought
my life was over.
But you were right.
I just needed to move on.
I'm...happy?
Weird, huh?
TAMBRY: Robbie, people are
commenting on our pictures.
Dipper, maybe
we shouldn't do this.
I mean, every time we've
played with people's fates,
it's only made
things worse.
They are kind of perfect
for each other,
in a gross kind of way.
But what about
our friend group?
Well, maybe it'll
sort itself out.
I mean, there's
got to be something
that could bring everyone
back together.
Guys, I made
a friendship cake.
So let's all get
over this, okay?
My cake!
Hey!
Food from the outside!
Ohhhh!
Get him!
Who!
Hey, look.
Is that Thompson?
( whistle blowing )
( all laughing )
Oh, man.
Yeah, fight the machine,
Thompson!
Throw snacks at 'em.
Use jerky as a weapon.
Thompson!
ALL: Thompson!
Thompson!
Thompson!
Thompson!
Thompson!
Thompson!
Thompson!
Thompson!
Thompson!
Thompson!
Thompson!
Thompson!
Thompson!
Thompson...
I think everything
just might be all right.
Maybe someone up there really
is a genius matchmaker.
All according to plan.
Ahh!
♪ A goat and a pig
♪ Whoooo
♪ A couple of livestock
♪ Living the life,
stuck together in harmony ♪
♪ A pig and a goat,
who in the world thought ♪
♪ A pig and a goat
could be family? ♪
♪ Love so strong,
love so big ♪
♪ Such a beautiful
goat and a pig ♪
♪ Bound in matrimony now
and forever ♪
♪ Shopping for groceries
and buying a condo ♪
♪ And filing
their taxes together ♪
♪ Goat and a pig,
goat and a pig ♪
That cloud looks
like a chipmunk.
WENDY:
Barfing an airplane.
( all laughing )
DIPPER: It does.
THOMPSON: Uh, that cloud
looks like...uh, a cloud.
LEE: Boo!
WENDY: Thompson, stop being
the worst at everything.
( chuckles )
Sorry, guys.
( all laughing )
Look at the clouds.
Ooh! That cloud looks like
a big heart-shaped balloon.
Clouds don't come in colors.
That is a balloon.
Oh, dude,
it's the Woodstick festival.
Wait.
The Wood what?
It's this annual
outdoor concert
featuring Oregon's
up-and-coming indie bands.
Hey.
They're all coming.
Scarves Indoors, Wood grain
on Everything, Love God.
You've probably seen
him in that viral video.
Who's ready
for love tonight?
Oh. Ow! Ow!
I hope nobody's
filming this.
Whoa, like
a real concert concert?
I've-- I've never actually
been to one of those before.
That's because you've never
had an awesome crew
to roll with before.
Come on, Thompson.
ALL: Lick that sponge.
Lick that sponge.
Oh!
I can't believe
he's doing it.
What is he doing?
When you're with us,
you're in.
( man moaning )
Ghosty sounds.
Cemetery ghosty sounds!
It's coming
from that open grave.
( moaning continues )
You look.
No. You look.
Thompson, go look.
Heh. Nice use of Thompson.
Gaze upon death.
ALL: Gaze upon death.
Gaze upon death.
Gaze upon death.
Gaze upon death.
( screaming )
Ugh! It's even creepier
than I expected.
( Robbie groans )
Why did she leave me?
Robbie?
Wendy! Oh. Uh.
( nervous chuckle )
Hey, what's up?
Just hanging out
in this grave, you know.
Regular.
Regular day for me.
Whoa, dude, we haven't seen
you in, like, a million years.
You're not still mourning
our break-up, are you?
What? No way.
Robbie, we split up
forever ago.
It's really sweet you'd throw
yourself into a grave for me,
but, man, time to move on.
What?
I've totally moved on.
( cell phone rings )
♪ Wendy, I miss you so much
♪ I'll never move on
♪ Never ever
That was a different Wendy.
Unrelated Wendy.
Dude, this is getting
really awkward.
Yeah, the cemetery
used to be fun.
Now it's just depressing.
( sighs )
Wait.
You guys, he's in pain.
We can't just
ditch him here.
Come on, Mabel.
It's Robbie.
But he's suffering.
How can I be happy if I know
someone else is sad?
It totally throws off
my Happiness Chart.
If there's one thing
I've learned this summer,
it's not to get mixed up
in needless romantic drama.
Besides, we're finally
in with Wendy's friends.
With Robbie gone,
there's a good social balance.
Maybe we should just let
a good thing be, you know?
Just eat me already, man.
Aaah!
I was just being dramatic.
Quit it. Ow! Ow!
My face.
Vulture!
Oh, man.
I'm sorry you guys
had to see that.
You know,
what Robbie needs?
A new girl.
Romance is like gum.
Once it's lost its flavor,
you just cram another one in.
It is if you're the world's
greatest matchmaker.
I've never had
an unhappy customer.
Like Soos and Melody.
Watch this.
Walking down
some actual stairs.
( giggles )
Did it look cool?
The coolest.
Match made!
And then, of course,
there's Waddles and Gompers.
( bleating )
Match made.
That might work
for a goat and a pig,
but Robbie's
a hopeless case.
Hopeless case, e-e-e-e-eh...?
♪ Putting a rainbow wig
on a big white gorilla ♪
What the...?
Oh, no.
Hot air balloons.
Fixed gear bikes.
♪ Singing
'bout the open road ♪
♪ My sandals
are so open-toed ♪
Folk music!
It's the Woodstick Festival!
Soos!
Lock down the Shack
and hide my shirts
before anyone
tie-dyes them!
They're slow.
I can probably
take a few down.
Wait, Mr. Pines!
( bird cawing )
I've been thinking.
Every year
this festival comes by
and every year you shun what
could be potential customers.
You really think I can
make money off of these
free-loading, kale-munching
freak shows?
You just got to figure out
what appeals to them.
Hmm.
How do I appeal
to young people?
So young people are into
hot air balloons, e-e-e-e-eh?
All right, Mabel.
Robbie's a broken teacup,
and you're going to
piece him back together.
( doorbell plays
spooky music )
Okay, this could get intense.
( gasps )
Howdy doo!
Happy day!
It iintense!
You're Robbie's parents?
raised by sad wolves
or something.
Oh, well, he doesn't
like to talk about us.
He always says we're too
cheerful for funeral directors.
( both laughing )
Come in.
Come in.
Cracker platter?
Oh, no time for crackers.
Sorry.
I'm here
to cheer Robbie up.
Cannot have a dry cracker
mouth for that.
Robbie Stacey Valentino!
There's little a girl
here to see you.
You go on up.
And could you bring
him his lunch?
Lady, I like your style.
( Mabel giggles )
You know who would look good
in a sweater like that?
Mrs. Grabelson's remains!
Oh, absolutely!
Robbie, it's Mabel!
Who?
Remember me?
I'm like Girl Dipper.
Ugh, go away.
I heard a "come in."
Ahh! Hey!
Listen, kid, nobody
in the Pines family
is welcome here.
In case you forgot,
your stupid brother
is the one
who ruined my life!
And Mabel's the one
who's gonna fix it.
Listen, Robbie, I always used
to see you as a creepy jerk.
Like the human version
of rat poison.
Uh, go on.
But when I saw you
in the cemetery today,
I realized,
Robbie's not a bad guy.
He's just
a heartbroken soul
who needs love--
and gloves with fingers.
Hey, fingerless gloves
look awesome.
No, they don't.
Robbie, you just need
a good matchmaker.
I guarantee
I'll find you true love,
or twice your sadness back.
If I say yes,
will you leave my room?
I guarantee it.
( knuckles crack )
Okay, Gravity Falls, who wants
to go out with Robbie?
Okay.
Lazy Susan, too old.
Grenda, too young.
Multi-Bear?
I'm putting you
in the "maybe" pile.
Who could it be?
Who could it be?
( bleating )
( squealing )
What's that, Gompers?
Someone we already know?
But who could possibly
be superficial
and gothy enough for--
( squeals )
Of course, that's it!
You two really are America's
favorite power couple.
More snacks!
More snacks!
More snacks!
I'm just happy to be included.
Ha!
This is brilliant.
The perfect way to sneak cheap
snacks into the concert.
And it was all
Dipper's idea.
Whoo!
Nice.
Well done.
Ideas!
Kid, I sense greatness in you.
( chuckles )
Oh, well, I don't
know about--
Greatness!
All right, now,
everyone go home
and finish getting
ready for the concert.
Hey, don't wait up, Tambers.
Don't call me Tambers.
Ha-ha!
Classic Tambers.
"Tambry.
You. Me. Date.
"Bring that sweet,
sweet bod.
Your secret admirer."
Love is about to happen,
Lazy Susan.
Watch and learn.
Ugh!
Robbie?
You're my secret admirer?
Tambry?
Ugh!
This is just what I get
for trusting a toddler.
Listen, I don't think
this is gonna work out.
Dating somebody
I already know?
It's kind of like
admitting defeat.
Um, way to assume
I'm even interested.
If I wanted to date you,
I would have done it already.
I'm just a little
out of your league.
Don't want to waste
that bad boy.
Status update.
On blind date
with sociopath.
Oh, sure.
Bring out the phone.
Classic Tambers.
Hey, can I get
some chili fries?
To go.
What?
How is this possible?
I'm supposed to be
the best matchmaker ever.
Did you hear that?
Did you hear that?
Let's go.
Let's go.
Whoo-hoo!
Who's ready to fall
in love tonight?
ALL: Love God!
( all cheering )
That's what they call me.
We're rewriting
history tonight,
and it starts
with you and you.
Love is real
and it's in your face!
( chuckles )
What's your name,
you little angel?
( chuckles )
Meredith.
Meredith, Meredith,
we got a problem.
That cutie right there
is your soulmate
and you're living
without him.
Oh, no.
Get it, girl.
You know what you love.
Pow!
Match made!
Ha-ha!
I must know how this works!
Hi.
Love God?
Mabel here.
Big fan.
Can I just say, that was some
of the finest matchmaking
I've ever seen?
Can you please, please,
please tell me your secret?
Well, between you and me,
let's just say,
my name's not exactly
a coincidence.
Oh. My. Love God.
Are you an actual Love God?
Call me a cherub.
The Internet pretty much does
my job for me nowadays,
so I've taken some time
to focus on my rock career.
Boom.
Cassette.
Boom.
For you.
Oh!
That's...great.
So anyway, can you make
anything fall in love?
Like that snake
and that badger?
( hissing and growling )
Hmm.
Ah, gee, I don't know.
That might be
kind of hard to--
Ka-boom!
Match made!
They're gonna
make a snadger.
How you doing that?
Love potion, yo.
I got it all.
Summer love,
young love, anti-love.
You just got to put a little
on your fingers and pow!
I need that potion.
How much would it cost?
Um, would you accept
squirrels as payment?
Whoa-oh-oh!
You might think you know
what's best for people,
but this stuff can have
major social consequences.
That's why it can only be
used by a serious expert.
Love God!
Sign my face.
Only if you sign mine, baby.
Let's get weird!
( squeaks )
Mind if I add a little
something to these fries?
I don't see why not.
Whoa!
Did your whole thing suddenly
get a lot more likeable?
You don't seem as needy
as I used to think you were.
Hey, you wouldn't want to
maybe get out of here and,
I don't know, go kiss
in public a lot?
For some reason, I do.
Status update.
You know what?
Forget it.
Maybe I should stare
at something
other than my phone
for a while.
Match made!
All right, who's ready
for the best
and most overpriced
day of our summer?
Whoo-hoo!
Yay!
All right!
I brought a baggie
of trail mix
and safety whistles
in case we get separated.
( clears throat )
Lee.
This kid is a champion.
We're just waiting on Tambry.
Can't leave without Tambry.
Sorry, guys, but Tambry's
a little busy at the moment.
Wink. Wink.
What does that mean?
Why are you winking?
Let's just say she and Robbie
took a trip to Smoochville.
Now everyone's happy!
Wait. Wait.
Robbie and Tambry?
This can't be happening.
How's that?
He knew I liked her.
How could he do this?
Whoa, hold it.
You like Tambry?
And you told Robbie
but not me?
You always make
fun of my crushes, man.
That's what we do,
genius.
Oh. Oh.
This is so like Tambry
to do this.
Date my ex behind my back.
I'm gonna tear her
highlights out.
Guys! Guys! Calm down.
We're gonna be late
for the concert.
Uh, news flash, kid.
I'm not going to the concert.
Not with him.
Hey, that won't be a problem
'cause I'm out.
Me, too.
Wait! Wait!
This group is all I have!
Don't make me go back
to having no friends!
Guys!
Match...made?
Wait, guys. Don't go.
Not my mailbox!
( grunts ) Ow!
( growls )
What did you just do?!
I've let these guys
pick on me for years
to keep this group together.
And now they've
totally fallen apart.
But we were all starting
to finally hang out together.
Well, unless you can break up
Robbie and Tambry immediately,
there is no gang.
I have no more friends.
And neither do you.
I'm gonna eat this.
Mabel, what did I tell you
about staying out
of Robbie's personal life?
I know. I know!
I just wanted to be
a good matchmaker.
I never should have gotten
love potion from the Love God.
Wait, love potion?
If you did a spell,
then can't you, like, undo it?
( gasps )
That's it!
If I undo the spell,
then everyone
will be friends again.
But I'm gonna
need your help.
Also, you are not
pulling off that V-neck.
I know.
Burn it!
Oho! Ha! Ha!
Balloon faster, Soos!
We need this thing
up in the air
before the festival ends.
Are you sure that
that open flame should be
that close to that dangling
cloth and rope?
I'm sure about everything.
Now lube up those engine gears
with some kerosene.
More kerosene!
Unh! Come back, guys!
Come on.
The tickets were 100 bucks.
I sold my watch.
You got to come
to the concert.
Ew, and have
to look at that?
No, thanks.
Ugh, they're doing
that couple hug-walk.
Guys, you're in public.
People can see you.
Dipper.
Come on.
Love God.
Sound check for Love God.
Ow!
Let's make some
miracles happen.
Groupies, bed-head me.
( chuckles )
Love God's about
to get crazy.
Whoa.
Hey, all right.
Now's our chance.
Here we go.
Let's see.
Puppy love, inter-species love,
love of country music.
Ew.
Oh!
Anti-love.
To reverse the effects
of love potion,
simply spray on your victim
and watch their heart die
on the inside.
Sounds good to me.
Hey!
You're the one who's
been stealing my stuff.
I am not loving this.
I'm sorry.
But I made a mistake
and I have to fix it.
Kid, I tried to tell you.
This stuff is way
too dangerous.
On my oath as a God,
I cannot let you--
Oh, hey,
where did you just go?
I'm sorry, Love God!
But it's for the good
of my friends!
Come back here!
( panting )
Dipper, catch!
( audience cheers )
♪
Get those kids!
ALL: Halt!
We mustache you to move!
Good one.
( crowd cheering )
Ooh!
Thank you.
Aagh!
No, no, no, everyone's
touching everything!
Give me back the potion!
Oh, hey, what's up?
Here, have a cassette.
Dang it.
Fly, tiny wings.
Get up there.
Oh!
I haven't had to use
these in a long time.
Dipper. Look.
( camera clicks )
Just one clean shot
to the back of their heads
and everything's fixed.
Sorry, kids, but you've
left me no choice.
Visions of heartbreak past!
We're back, Mabel.
We like you now.
Yes. Definitely. Absolutely.
Ha! You really think
we'd fall for that?
( Mabel giggles )
Sure you can all marry me!
Oh! Guy from the $10 bill.
I forgot
I had a crush on you.
Dang it, Mabel.
They're not real.
Just give us
the bottle, Mabel.
Mabel, don't!
It's finally done.
When these idiots
see this balloon,
they'll understand
that I love young people.
"I heart kids."
All right, let 'er rip.
Oh. Oh, no!
A letter rip!
What the H?!
( chatter, laughter )
( screaming )
I eat kids?
But we're kids!
It's heaven's
punishment
for our terrible
taste in everything!
Mommy, is the floating
head going to eat us?
Yes, Charlie!
Yes, he will.
Mabel, it's a trick!
Don't give him the...
Gotcha!
Oh!
Curse my oversized heart.
Sorry, kids,
but that's what happens
Only a greater being
from the heavens themselves
could possibly stop--
( people screaming )
It's coming down!
Whoooooa!
Oh, no.
I hope someone didn't die.
Yes,
that would be awful.
( both laughing )
What's everybody
crying about?
In my day, zeppelins fell
from the sky like raindrops.
It's him!
The horrible old man
from the sky!
( people shrieking )
You know what?
Being loved
by the youth is overrated.
Being feared?
Now that's priceless.
Love God, are you okay?
Please be immortal.
Please be immortal.
( gasps )
Dude.
I am so over this!
ANNOUNCER:
Love God to the stage.
Love God to the stage.
Aagh!
Look, kid, take it, okay?
Spray everyone
for all I care.
You want to mess
with people's lives?
You want to play God?
Do it.
'Cause I'm sick of it.
Medic, I need--
I need onion rings!
( band playing )
Okay, Mabel,
now's our chance.
They break up and the whole
friend group gets back together.
Mabel!
Mabel, I just wanted
to thank you.
I've been so miserable
since Wendy broke up with me
that I thought
my life was over.
But you were right.
I just needed to move on.
I'm...happy?
Weird, huh?
TAMBRY: Robbie, people are
commenting on our pictures.
Dipper, maybe
we shouldn't do this.
I mean, every time we've
played with people's fates,
it's only made
things worse.
They are kind of perfect
for each other,
in a gross kind of way.
But what about
our friend group?
Well, maybe it'll
sort itself out.
I mean, there's
got to be something
that could bring everyone
back together.
Guys, I made
a friendship cake.
So let's all get
over this, okay?
My cake!
Hey!
Food from the outside!
Ohhhh!
Get him!
Who!
Hey, look.
Is that Thompson?
( whistle blowing )
( all laughing )
Oh, man.
Yeah, fight the machine,
Thompson!
Throw snacks at 'em.
Use jerky as a weapon.
Thompson!
ALL: Thompson!
Thompson!
Thompson!
Thompson!
Thompson!
Thompson!
Thompson!
Thompson!
Thompson!
Thompson!
Thompson!
Thompson!
Thompson!
Thompson...
I think everything
just might be all right.
Maybe someone up there really
is a genius matchmaker.
All according to plan.
Ahh!
♪ A goat and a pig
♪ Whoooo
♪ A couple of livestock
♪ Living the life,
stuck together in harmony ♪
♪ A pig and a goat,
who in the world thought ♪
♪ A pig and a goat
could be family? ♪
♪ Love so strong,
love so big ♪
♪ Such a beautiful
goat and a pig ♪
♪ Bound in matrimony now
and forever ♪
♪ Shopping for groceries
and buying a condo ♪
♪ And filing
their taxes together ♪
♪ Goat and a pig,
goat and a pig ♪