Gravity Falls (2012–2016): Season 2, Episode 10 - Northwest Mansion Mystery - full transcript

2x10 - "Northwest Mansion Noir"

Preston, I must say,

the guest list for this year's party
has so much diversity.

Yes, a nice mix of
millionaires and billionaires.

Put the oyster fork at an angle!
We're not animals, man.

Now where the devil is...
Pacifica!

What did I tell you about that dress?

The theme is "sea foam green,"
not lake foam green.

- Go change!
- But I-I kind of like it.

- Mind your mother, Pacifica.
- But... [bell clangs]

Yes, Father.



[loud rumbling]

[gasping]

Oh, no, it's...
happening.

Yes, you are my possessions!
Obey me! [yells]

This is a disaster.
The party's in just 24 hours.

Surely there's someone who could
handle this sort of nonsense.

And I think I know
just the person.

[title music]

You asked for it, you got it.

An entire 48-hour
marathon of Ghost Harassers.

on the Used To Be About
History Channel.

Be strong, bladder.
We're not gonna move till sunset.

We interrupt this program
to bring you breaking news.

- Oh, what?
- It's starting!



- Turn it up!
- Make room for Grenda. [all grunt]

Well tonight's the night, but
I've been out here for days.

The Northwest family's annual

high-society shindig
ball soiree is here.

And even though common
folk aren't let in,

that won't stop us from camping out
for a peek at the fanciness.

[all] Ooh!

Okay, can someone please explain
why people care about this?

Um, it's pretty much the
best party of all time.

Rich food, richer boys.

They say each gift basket
has a live quail inside.

Give me your life, Pacifica.

Guys, in case you've already forgotten,
Pacifica Northwest is the worst.

[knocking on door]

And that's not just jealousy talking.

I'd say that to her face.

- I need your help.
- You're the worst.

[all gasping]

See?
[knocking]

Look, you think it's
easy for me to come here?

I don't wanna be seen in this hovel.

But there's something
haunting Northwest Manor.

If you don't help me,
the party could be ruined.

And why should I trust you?

All you've ever done is try
to humiliate me and Mabel.

Just name your price, okay?

I'll give you anything.

Hi, Pacifica. Excuse us.

Dipper, don't you see what this means?

If you help Pacifica,
you could get us invites

to the greatest party of all time.

What? Mabel, this is
Pacifica we're talking about.

But it's Candy and Grenda's dream.

[both] Dream!

[sighs]
Fine. I'll bust your ghost.

But, in exchange, I'll need
three tickets to the party.

[growls]
You're just lucky I'm desperate.

[all] Whoo!
Desperate, desperate, desperate!

Grenda, get the glue gun.
We're making dresses.

Welcome to Northwest Manor, dorks.

Try not to touch anything.

[all exclaiming]

Everything's so fancy.
Fancy floors, fancy plants.

- [gasps] Fancy man.
- Yes. Very good, miss.

The rumors were true.

Ah, if it isn't the man of the hour.

Hopefully, you can help us
with our little... situation

- before the guests arrive in an hour.
- I'll do my best.

Splendid. Pacifica, take our
guests to the problem room,

and, uh... he's not
wearing that, is he?

[teeth squeaking]

I'm on it.

Ugh. It's like this
collar is strangling me.

Who do you guys think you're
impressing with this stuff?

Um, everyone.
You wouldn't understand.

High standards are what make
the Northwest family great.

Funny, I thought it was
lying about founding the town.

Don't touch that.

Oh, wow, guys, it's the guest list.

Whoa!

- Check out this hottie.
- Marius von Fundshauser.

He's a baron from Austria.

Forget the quail. I'm putting
him in my guest basket.

Hold up, ladies. I can't
believe I'm gonna say this,

but I think this boy
is out of our league.

Grenda's right.
He's a white whale.

Hunting him will destroy us.

There are tons of cute boys coming.

Let's swear a sisters' truce
not to waste time on Marius.

Deal.

- Deal.
- Deal.

[all laughing]

Whoa.

[Pacifica] This is the main
room where it's been happening.

Yep, this looks like the
kind of room that would be

haunted, all right. I
wouldn't be worried, though.

Ghosts fall under a ten-category scale.

Falling plates sound
like a category one.

So what? Are you going to bore
him back into the afterlife

- by reading from this book?
- Just gotta splash this sucker

with some anointed water,
and he should be

out of your
probably-fake blonde hair.

What was that about my hair?

Sh. I'm picking something up.

Come on, stupid thing.
There we go.

Uh, Pacifica?
[screams]

Ancient sins.
Ancient sins.

Ancient sins. Ancient sins.

[chanting continues]

- Dipper, what is this?
- It's a category ten.

[both screaming]

Ancient blood and blackened skies.

The forest dark shall once more rise.

What do we do, what do we do?

Don't worry. It can't
get worse than this.

[gasping]

I smell a Northwest.

Come out.

Come out, wherever you are.

Hurry. Read through
your dumb book already.

I'm looking,
and it's not dumb, okay?

This book is gonna save our lives.

All right, here we go. Advice.

_

Oh, seriously?

You shouldn't have come here.

This way. Hurry!

Welcome, dukes and duchesses.

- Sultans and sportsmen.
- Yo, what up, Presto?

And reclusive 102-year-old
mayor of Gravity Falls,

Mayor Befufftlefumpter.

[birds cawing]

It's okay. They're with me.

Tonight, we will enjoy
only the finest of tastes

and only the snootiest of laughter.

[fawning laughter]

- That's the ticket.
- Cheese, chocolate.

- Cheese, chocolate.
- Candy, listen to me carefully.

You're caught in a sweet-savory loop.
Put the fondue fork down.

I want to, but I can't.
[tapping sound]

Introducing Baron
Marius von Fundshauser.

[fanfare plays]

- Guten tag.
- Guten take me now!

- Mabel, we had a truce.
- Yes, yes, yes, a truce.

Grenda, can you go fetch
us some fancy napkins?

Wow. Okay.

Listen, Mabel, I don't know
if I can follow this truce.

- He is too adorable.
- Oh. Me, too, Candy.

But what do we do?
He's unattainable.

What if we flirt with him as a team?

With our cuteness combined,
one of us might have a chance.

It is the perfect plan.
But what about Grenda?

I love Grenda, Mabel,
but these boys are fancy.

Her aggressive flirting
style might scare them away.

Hey, what's on your shirt?

Ha!
Gullible! Loser!

Hurry. Through the garden.

Watch out for peacocks.

Come on, come on. I got it.

A haunted painting can only
be trapped in a silver mirror.

Look, there's a silver
mirror right there.

Wait! Don't go in there!

This room has my parents'
favorite carpet pattern.

They'll lose it if
we track mud in there.

What? Are you serious?

We'll find another way.
[ghost wailing]

Pacifica, we don't have time
for this. Let me through!

- No. My parents will kill me.
- Why are you so afraid of your parents?

You wouldn't understand.

[ghost laughing]

- What is this place?
- That's weird.

I don't even
know where this room is.

- Hopefully, the ghost doesn't either.
- Yeah. Maybe we're safe.

Pacifica! Watch out!
[shrieks]

Your fate is sealed!

A silver mirror.

[ghost growling]

Prepare to die, Northwest!

[grunting]

Did you get him?

Oh, free me!

[both] Yes!

We did it!

[clears throat]

Can I pay you to pretend
that never happened?

Well, Pacifica, you really
found the right man for the job.

We can't thank you enough.

- That's enough.
- He-hey, just holdin' up my end of the deal.

Wait. Leaving already?
You're at the world's best party, dummy.

[chuckles]
I'd love to stay,

but I've got a category
ten ghost to dispose of.

Ugh.
[chuckles] Category ten.

[both laughing]

Call me crazy, but maybe
she's not that bad after all.

[ghost laughing]

What are you laughing
about, man? I defeated you.

You've been had, boy.

- You remind me of me 150 years ago.
- What do you mean?

One hundred and fifty
years ago this day,

the Northwests asked us lumber folk
to build them a mansion atop the hill.

We were told it would be
a service to the town,

that once a year, they would throw

a grand party, and all
would share in the bounty.

It took years of back-breaking
labor and sacrifice,

but when it was time
for the grand party

they promised the
common folk of the town,

they refused to let us in.
[laughing]

You promised, Northwest!

With the trees gone,
the mudslides began.

While they partied and laughed,

I was swept away by the storm.

And so I said with final breath,

150 years I'll return from death.

And if the gate still closed to town,

wealthy blood will stain the ground.

A curse passed down until this day.

So wait a minute.

The Northwests knew
this haunting was coming,

and they tricked me into helping them

to avoid ghostly justice?
I'll be right back.

Thank you so much for coming, mayor.

As a sign of our respect,
please take this chimp servant.

- Okay.
- Keep him away from bright lights.

He gets grabby.

[Dipper] Northwests!

You've got some explaining to do.

Dipper, you came back.

You lied to me!
All of you did.

All you had to do was let
the townsfolk into the party,

and you could've broken the curse.

But you made me do
your dirty work instead.

Look at who you're talking to, boy.

I'm hosting a party for the most
powerful people in the world.

You think they'd come here
if they had to rub elbows

- with your kind?
- My kind?

I was right about you all along.

You're just as bad as your parents.

- Another link in the world's worst chain.
- I'm sorry. They made me.

I should've told you, but...
[bell clangs]

Enjoy the party. It's the
last time you and your kind

will ever come.
[chittering]

No, no!
Those aren't for him.

Stupid Northwests.

Making me do their exorcism for them.

Exodus demonus, spookus scarus,

- aintafraidus noghostus.
- Dipper.

Dipper, please let me get my
vengeance on the Northwests.

You hate them as much as I.

Hey, I feel you.
It's just, my sister's in there,

and you seem a little unstable, man.

Very well, boy.
Then before you banish my soul,

may these tired old lumber eyes

gaze upon the trees one final time?

Uh... I guess.

Go nuts, man.

[evil laughter]

What? [screams]

Yes! Vengeance!

Oh, no. Mabel!

Hi. I'm Mabel.
So, Australia, huh?

Do you guys eat
kangaroo meat over there,

- or are they strictly pets?
- I am from Austria.

- [nervous laughter] Tag, tag.
- I am Candy.

I love the tiny hats you
wear on your shoulders.

Hi! If you were a boat,
do you know what kind you'd be?

A dreamboat. That's what kind.

- You're tagged out.
- Tagged back in.

- You can't do that.
- I can tag myself. It's allowed.

[arguing]

[Grenda] Ahem!

What exactly was all that?

You were flirting
with Marius without me.

We're sorry, Grenda. It's just...

Your flirting style can
come off as a bit... intense.

Oh, I see.
You think I shouldn't be myself

just because I'm in this
stupid mansion.

I thought you liked my style.

We do, but these boys might not.

Oh. Then I guess they
wouldn't like this either.

- Hey, Marius.
- Yeah?

You've got something...
on your shirt.

[both gasping]

[all huffing]

Thank you all for coming.

I think we can all say
this party was a rousing success.

I guess you could say it
was a slam dunk, Preston.

Yes, yes, I guess, sure.

A toast... to our family name.

[ghost laughing]
What?!

Generations locked away.

My revenge shall have its day.

Oh, the Grim Reaper.

I've been wondering
when you would arrive.

[ferocious growling]
[screaming]

- Preston, what are we going to do?
- Prepare the panic room.

[screaming]

Please... help me.

Whoa!
That is messed up!

[laughs]
Just one way to change your fates.

A Northwest must open the party gates.

A Northwest?
Pacifica!

Pacifica. There you are.

The ghost is turning everyone to wood,

and he just started
rhyming for some reason.

I need your help!

Pacifica?

You wanna know why
this room was locked up?

This is what I found in here.

A painted record of every horrible
thing that my family's ever done.

Lying, cheating, and then, there's me.

I lied to you just because
I'm too scared to talk back

to my stupid parents.
You were right about me.

I am just another link in
the world's worst chain.

[sighs] Pacifica, I'm sorry
about what I said earlier,

but just because you're
your parents' daughter

doesn't mean
you have to be like them.

It's not too late.

- [ghost] It's too late!
- Oh, no!

You are all wood!
[screaming]

Dipper, wait!

All right, ghost.
Prepare to get...

No, wait!

No, no, no, no!

No, someone help.
Someone he... !

[gasps]

A forest of death, a lesson learned.

And now, the Northwest manor will burn!

Hey, ugly.
Over here.

You want me to let in the townsfolk?

'Cause I'll do it.
Just change everyone back.

You wish to prove yourself?

Pull that lever and open
the grand gate to the town.

Fulfill your ancestors' promise.

Pacifica Elise Northwest,
stop this instant!

We can't let the town
see us like this.

We have a reputation to uphold.
Now come into the panic room.

There's enough mini
sandwiches and oxygen

to last you, me, and
a butler for a week.

[whispers] We'll eat the butler.

You dare disobey us?
[bell clangs]

Dingly, dingly.
Is this bell broken?

Our family name is broken,
and I'm gonna fix it. [gasps]

Get it, get it.

[crowd clamoring]

Yes, yes, it's happening.

My heart, once as hard as oak,

now grows soft like more
of a birch or something.

[gasps]

Pacifica, you are not like
the other Northwests.

I feel lumber justice.

Oh, yes! Yeah!

Good Lord, the riff-raff.
They're everywhere!

Ooh. Ha ha!

That's not how the
fork should be placed.

- Ugh, man, what happened?
- Ahem!

Grenda, we are so sorry.

- We shouldn't have left you behind.
- It's okay.

Maybe I do need to work on my flirting.

Come on, let's go dunk our
heads into cheese and chocolate.

- Friends.
- Friends.

Wait! Don't go.

Grenda, was it?
I must speak with you.

There's something about you.
I can't get you out of my head.

You're so bold and confident.

I know you're probably out of my league,

but might I give you
mein phone number?

I don't have a phone!
Write it on my face!

Whoa! Go, Grenda.

I guess we shouldn't
have sold her short.

- I call bridesmaid.
- What? I call co-bridesmaids.

Man, if your family hates you for this,
they're idiots. This is great.

Enjoy it while it lasts.

Next year, I'm sure they're just
gonna lock everyone out again.

Hey, guess what we're standing on.

[gasps]

[laughs]
Take that!

But seriously, I'd better go
find someone to clean this up.

Whoo! Scoobiddy doo!
Hornswaggle my goat knees!

Well, ho-ho,
what's up, McGucket?

Dipper, I been lookin' for you.
I fixed the laptop.

I've been doin' calculations,
and I think something

terrible is comin'.
The apocalypse. The end times!

[sighs]
You know what, McGucket.

How about we talk about
this stuff tomorrow?

It's a party.
Let's have some fun for once, huh?

Oh, this is bad!

Somethin's comin'.
Somethin' big.

- Quick, in here, my darling.
- A moment alone at last.

You can drop the act, Trigger.

They're seeing activity on the machine.

- It's go time.
- Roger that.

- Where's my phone?
- I don't have it.

Yes, you do. It was in your purse.

[chuckles] So I'm just supposed
to hold on everything for you?

I asked you and we were in the car!

Why do we always have
to fight at parties?

Not even gonna ask.