Grace and Frankie (2015–…): Season 7, Episode 2 - The Arraignment - full transcript

The seals
alert each other when...

What's happening?
I don't know. Don't look.

Just keep watching the
orcas eat the baby seal.

I'm sorry I doubted
you, Mrs. Skolka.

Please. I'm sorry you
came out here for nothing.

Nothing? What about all the
stuff they found for me?

I'm going to pretend we
didn't find any of that.

No one at headquarters will
believe that much marijuana

is for one woman's personal use.

You're right. Best not to brag.
Thank you again for your cooperation.

I hope we won't have to come
by and bother you again.



Goodbye, Mr. Hanson.
Mr. Bergstein.

Oh.
Are you leaving? We hadn't noticed,

as we'd been riveted by these
delightful sea creatures.

All our coral reefs are dying.

Alrighty.

Thank God. I thought
they'd never leave.

I know. Take a hint, Rushmore.
Ask me out or get off the pot.

Glad you find this
all so amusing.

Perhaps I would too if I
hadn't had your contraband

down my pants for the last
two hours like Papillon.

I can't believe you blackmailed
us into being co-conspirators.

Don't be so dramatic. At most, the
two of you were duped accomplices.

Well, now we're out of the gang.

And we want the rest of
that money out of our house.



We can't bring it here. You heard
Karin. They could come back.

Find some place else to put it.

Our contractor is
inspecting the house today.

I won't have another innocent bystander
get mixed up with your dirty money.

Hey, we don't know
that money's dirty.

Could have been in the
couch when Nick bought it.

Or maybe a gift for a
rainy day from his pappy.

Oh, sure.

The money you found in the couch

that I just hid in my
pants is definitely clean.

Fine. I'll get the money.

- What?
- You've decided not to go to that thing?

We're not gonna talk about that thing.
Especially in front of these two things.

What's the thing?

It's a private thing that Grace has to
do, but she doesn't wanna talk about it.

I don't know that Grace
has to do that thing.

But isn't today's thing
a really big thing?

Oh, for heaven's sakes, will
you just tell us already?

You know in half a second this one is
gonna forget what all the things are.

I still have my wits
about me, Richard.

Will you just tell us
what the damn thing is?

No, I'm pumped.

Okay, we're both pumped.

Thanks, Taneth. Love you.

Shit. Bye.

That was Taneth.

Really? And how's the
inside of her butt today?

I'm going to ignore your negativity,
as I have for most of my life,

because I have to...

No, I get to plan her big
visit down here next week.

Oh, no. She's already
coming to check up on you?

Yikes.

Not "yikes."

She's just excited to see all the
great changes I'm making around here.

What changes?

For starters, I'm replacing all the junk
food in our kitchen with healthy snacks.

Why would you do that?

Junk food and my cleavage
are all these sad sacks have.

You think I wanna flaunt this
bod? I do it for the people.

The people will love this once
they see their lower cholesterol.

Have you met Randy in marketing? He
isn't going to eat your kale chips.

He has a small jar of
mayonnaise on his keychain.

We're making fun changes too.

There'll be a yoga retreat
and plant-based Taco Tuesdays,

and I'm turning the supply
closet into a meditation room.

No one wants to meditate
next to the men's bathroom,

particularly on Tuesdays
after your bean tacos.

I'm sorry you hate
everything I'm doing here.

But there's a new sheriff in town. You
have to get used to being her deputy.

Or I could tell
Taneth her new sheriff

- doesn't know what the fuck she's doing.
- I know what the fuck I'm doing,

and right now I'm kicking
you out of my office.

The thing you're not going to
is your husband's arraignment?

That is cold.

Ice-cold.

Yeah, I'm sorry. The man
was living a double life.

Sound familiar?

But facing a hearing like that
without any emotional support?

That's a heartbreaker.

In fairness to Grace, she wanted to
break his heart before he got arrested.

You were gonna
break up with Nick?

Have you seen the man's hair?

While I don't share Robert's
obsession with Nick's hair...

Does anybody care about
how I feel about all this?

He also has a very
sensuous mouth.

It does look bad for a wife to
not show up at an arraignment.

If the judge is teetering
on granting bail,

that could push him
or her over the edge.

So when is she supposed
to break up with him?

After he's released from prison?

Grace is old. She
can't wait that long.

So Nick has to face hard time with
a broken heart and a beautiful face?

Will you stop already?

As mad as you are, do you want it on
your conscience if he doesn't get bail?

No.

But if I go, I'm gonna go off on him.
That's not gonna be good for him either.

All you have to do is sit
there and not say anything.

Like we just did for
you with the FBI.

You know, Grace, 90% of life is
showing up and keeping your mouth shut.

- How have you lived this long?
- Hmm?

Okay, you win.

I will go and I will play the
supportive wife. I won't say anything.

And if you're finished
butting into my life,

I'm gonna go change for court.

Oh, shit. All the clothes
I brought are dirty,

and everything else is
sealed off in the penthouse.

Another thing I have to thank
my jailbird husband for.

Don't worry, I'll
lend you some clothes.

I just need to know how much
you wanna showcase that caboose.

Hi. What's all this?

I'm moving in until I figure
out how to bring Mallory down

or that tyrant moves
to San Francisco.

Okay, I hate to quibble
when you're upset,

but Chewbacca probably
shouldn't live next to Greedo,

who tried to shoot Chewbacca's
BFF, Han Solo. Just...

But you know what? Stranger peace
accords have happened in the Empire.

If my fan fiction
is to be believed.

Jesus, Barry, it's
freezing in here.

Glad you noticed.

Not to brag, but because
of a pipe situation,

this is the coldest
office in the building.

We hate the cold. That's why we set
the thermostat to "Saigon in July."

Yeah. I love a swampy heat.

Good, 'cause I'm texting Adam right now
to get some space heaters in here pronto.

- You eating kale chips?
- Yeah. Found them in the kitchen. So good.

Robert and Sol are such squares.

One measly FBI search and now
we can't keep the money here.

Well, you know, there is a way
to hide money without hiding it.

You mean, "lose it"?

I mean, lose it in a
legitimate business.

I do that all the time. The other
day I lost my purse at Whole Foods.

I'm talking money
laundering, dear.

You get some cash and you
put it in a pizza parlor,

or Joan-Margaret's Fluff and Fold,
where we neither fluffed nor folded.

- And that works?
- Sure.

But if it doesn't, just
start an electrical fire

and the rest takes
care of itself.

If you're a cop, you have
to tell me you're a cop.

Mrs. Bergstein?

It's me, Joshie Steinmetz,
Coyote's old friend.

Oh, Joshie!

- Hey.
- Oh!

- What are you doing here?
- I'm Robert and Sol's contractor.

I thought I'd, you know, get here
early, take a look around. Ugh.

What are you doing here?

You know, what people do
in other people's houses.

Oh, this is my
friend Joan-Margaret.

I've known Joshie since
he was in fourth grade.

- Yeah. Frankie was the mom I wish I had.
- She's like a mother to me as well.

- Hmm.
- Look at you. A bigtime contractor.

I guess I'm doing a little better
than the last time you saw me, huh?

I believe you were doing whippits
with Coyote in my kimono.

- Yeah, thanks for being cool about that.

And for letting me
keep the kimono.

It's the least I could do.
You're like family to us.

That's why I'm giving
Sol the family discount.

Well, thank Thanos!

Robert told us the cheap bastards at their
insurance company refused to pay a dime.

This is why you always go
with the electrical fire.

Yeah, but, uh, the insurance
company did offer to pay.

- What? They did?
- Mm-hm.

Why didn't they take the money?

Well, maybe they didn't
want their premium to go up?

Hmm.

I have been blaming the
wrong cheap bastards.

Okay, so then you'll hear the
charges against you and...

Think I should try her again? Or
maybe she'd pick up if you called.

Do you want me to call your
wife or get you out on bail?

The bail thing.

Okay, great. So when the judge asks
for your plea, just say, "Not guilty."

It sounds simple, but you'd be amazed
at how many people screw that part up.

Got it. But I am gonna be
getting bail today, right?

I think so.

Though there is a bit of a backlash
against rich white guys these days.

So unfair.

Our justice system
is a travesty,

and I will work tirelessly
to make it equal for all.

Oh, Grace.

I'm here.

I am so glad to see you.

Hi, I'm Elena Seda. It
is so good you came.

You look beautiful in...

All my clothes are in the
penthouse-slash-crime scene,

and I can't get in.

It was either this or what my friend
calls, "Mardi Gras in a skirt."

I can make some calls to get
you back in the penthouse.

Anything I can do for
a member of Team Nick.

- You have every right to be mad.

This is true.

But you have to know how sorry I am. I
would never, ever willingly hurt you.

And yet...

I'm sure you have a lot you
want to get off your chest.

- Nope, I'm good.
- Please say something. We need to talk.

I can't walk in there not
knowing where we stand.

This should probably be a
post-arraignment chat, Nick.

I'm afraid if we wait till then, we'll
be talking through bulletproof glass.

Please?

Okay.

Let's talk.

You really think the boys would
lie just to save on their premium?

I would but Robert and Sol?

Sure. This way they could guilt us
into free room and board for months.

Well, I'm gonna grift those
grifters out of my house.

You know I love a reverse-grift.

Well, what's the move here?

Oh, man. This place
is riddled with mold.

Joshie.

I need you to do
me a little favor.

- You were gonna leave me?
- No. Well, I don't know.

I wanted to leave the marriage
but not necessarily you.

I was hoping we could find a way
to redefine our relationship.

That sounds like another way
of saying you were leaving me.

Isn't there a way that we could
be together without necessarily

being together in
the same house?

This is so you can
live with Frankie.

That's part of it.

So in this scenario, what?

We'd go back to dating?

Well, is that so terrible?
We were happier then.

You were happier then.
I like being married.

And strangely, the idea of dating
my wife doesn't work for me.

Yeah, well, I understand
that, but being a wife...

Doesn't work for me.

The judge is ready.

It's showtime, folks.

The floors alone
are gonna take...

What are you still doing here?

I ran into Joshie, we got
to gabbing, and guess what?

Great news.

Turns out the repairs are not
gonna take as long as he thought.

Isn't that great? Right, Joshie?

- Um, I...

If that's the feds, I'm telling you
right now, I'm gonna sing like a canary.

Sorry. Why isn't it
gonna take so long?

Go on, tell them, son.
Remember, I love you.

Uh, yeah.

Uh, I guess that the damage...

The damage to the house
isn't as bad as it seems.

My God, what happened here?

We had a little flooding.

A little?

This is Pompeii
after the volcano.

This is Dresden.

This is the 2011 Oscars.

Please tell us, in the shortest
number of words, what you want.

No need to get snippy just
because your house is awful.

You insisted, as the
theater's biggest benefactor,

you had to be involved
in all crucial decisions.

Today is Crucial Decision Day.

Peter, this isn't a good time.

I can come back.

No, you can't.

I'm more than happy to pick
the next musical out alone.

I'm leaning towards Xanadu.

Oh! Good Lord.

Sol, we paid $20,000 for the
Rob Hanson Concession Stand.

The only way I can justify that
is if I get to play Sky Masterson.

Go. Take it outside.

I'm actually glad you brought
up the concession stand.

Turns out we need money
to buy the concessions

and money to pay someone
to sell the concessions.

Are you seriously asking
for another donation?

I don't know, Sky. Am I?

Why can't you be one of those skeezy
directors with a casting couch?

Oh, I am.

Now, this concession stand,

I'm assuming it's a
cash-based business?

I see you got the space heaters.

It's cozy, right?

You bet.

This way I can crunch the
numbers with a nice sweaty back.

- What the fuck?
- What? What happened?

He's melted.

I was worried about Greedo. I
should've been worried about you.

I am so sorry. I swear I
will buy you another...

I wanna say space dog.

I've had Chewbacca since I
was a kid. He's irreplaceable.

- I know I hurt your toy...
- My toy?

It was an accident.
Why are you so angry?

Because I like my cold office

and I like my weird,
little things.

You can't just barge in here

because you're having some stupid
power struggle with your sister!

Okay, it's not stupid.

What kind of loser
loses to Mallory?

Okay. You wanna know
a little secret, hm?

Here we go. I'm a loser.

That's not a secret.

Sorry, low-hanging fruit.

The secret is I'm a loser
and I'm proud of it.

Yeah. You wanna know why I
let you win every argument,

even when you're
verifiably wrong?

For instance, Bill Pullman
was not in Good Will Hunting.

- He should have been.
- Obviously.

- Thank you.
- See? I go along with you

because people are happy when
they're getting their way.

And when people are happy,
they're easier to be around.

- I do appreciate being pandered to.
- I know.

But I'm not like you.

- I'm a win-or-die bitch.
- I understand. You're probably right.

- You're doing it again, aren't you?
- I am if you think I am.

Okay, I can't be
someone who doesn't win.

But you do win.

By losing.

And what has this winning
by losing gotten you?

I mean, you work for
Mallory, for christ sake.

It got me you.

Wow, your lips are so sweaty.

They're the least
sweaty thing on my body.

Now that you've heard the
charges against you, Mr. Skolka,

it's time for your
plea. How do you plead?

My plea is...

We went over this.

It's just two words.

"Not guilty." It's not hard.

My plea. Is that what
you want? My plea?

I believe
that's why I asked.

Uh...

Your Honor...

I am pleading,

for my wife to give
me another chance.

Oh, my God.

Two damn words.

I was looking more for a plea

regarding the charges of
securities fraud and tax evasion.

Your Honor, this
is more important.

Grace, I know I haven't
always been the best husband,

but I'm standing here, facing the
possibility of years in prison,

and all I can think
about is losing you.

Mr. Skolka, I do appreciate your
commitment to your marriage, but...

She doesn't.

That's not true.

Then why did you break up with
me right before we came in here?

You broke up with him
before an arraignment?

I didn't break up with him.

I told him I wanted to
redefine our relationship.

- Does anyone here know what that means?
- I do.

- I don't.
- I'm asexual.

- I do have one question.
- Yes, Your Honor.

No, not for you.

Is there anything Mr. Skolka
can do to win you back?

I'm confused. You said it would
take months to fix the house.

What about all the mold?

A little mold can be good. That's
how that guy discovered penicillin.

Exactly. Seriously, Sol, we're
trying to save lives here.

What's going on?

Oh, man, I could really go
for a whippit right now.

Tell me the truth, son. Did
Frankie put you up to this?

Remember, I have always
been there for you.

Even when you locked
yourself in the bathroom

because your acne
cream backfired.

But who took you to see all
those scary R-rated movies?

And who stayed up with you all night
after you watched those scary movies?

- And who is...?
- Stop! Stop!

This is like when the social worker
asked me who I wanted to live with.

It's neither of you.

I wanna live with Aunt Carol.

I really don't see
the relevance of that.

Once you've been married, how
can you go back to dating?

Mrs. Skolka, it
doesn't make sense.

Can we please go back to
the whole tax-evasion thing?

Your Honor,
relationships are fluid.

When you're in the orgy
tent at Burning Man,

you see there are many
different ways to love someone.

Whose lawyer are you?

And all I'm saying is, a
marriage is worth fighting for.

Well, just because I'm not fighting
for our marriage doesn't mean

that I'm not fighting
for our relationship.

Why am I suddenly on trial?

Why aren't you asking him why
he isn't willing to change?

Mr. Skolka, why aren't
you willing to change?

I don't know.

But I do know I
don't wanna lose you.

Well, then don't.

I just wanna try another
way for us to be together.

Grace...

I wanna spend the rest
of my life with you.

However you need our life to be.

We can do anything we want.

Neither of us has kids.

I've got a jet.

So okay.

I'm willing to try.

Do you mean that?

I am under oath.

Excuse me, Mr. Skolka.
You have a jet?

- Oh, shit.
- Not guilty, Your Honor.

Ah. Now I get a plea.

Unfortunately, because of the jet,
you are a flight risk. Bail is denied.

How could you do that to Joshie?

Me? You were putting
the squeeze on him too.

You really want us out of
the beach house that badly?

This morning Robert had
your money in his pants.

You lied to us.

No, we lied to the FBI. For you.

On the dune when you
two first showed up,

Robert said that your insurance company
wouldn't pay. That was bullshit.

What Robert said was true,

but he only told
you half the truth.

They wouldn't pay us

unless we let them go
after you and Grace.

We're not taking advantage of you.
We were trying to protect you.

Why didn't you just tell
us that from the beginning?

We didn't want you to feel worse
about the house getting ruined.

And, to be honest,

we thought that the four
of us were at a point

where we have each
other's backs.

Well, okay, now I feel
like absolute shit.

Good.

I'm sorry I doubted
you like that.

I'm sorry if we
overstayed our welcome

by staying that one night.

You're forgiven. You can
stay as long as you need.

Friends?

Family.

For life.

We should call Joshie to
apologize, make sure he's okay.

Sweet kid, but, boy, he
really cracks like a nut.

Good news, theater lovers.
We are doing Guys and Dolls.

Congratulations.

And Joan-Margaret has graciously agreed
to take care of the concession stand.

I love it when a
plan comes together

and you don't have to burn
everything to the ground.

- Did you come to yell at me?
- I wasn't planning on it.

You're the only one.

Turns out everyone
hates my ideas.

Randy has barricaded
himself in his office

and his list of demands
includes a bucket of jerky.

I think I know how to fix this.

Why would you fix it?

Because I want you to win.

No, you don't.

Admit it, you're
enjoying seeing me fail.

Normally, I would...

Okay, I super am.

But I'm trying this Barry thing.

Look, you need to blame this
all on me in front of everyone.

No. No. I should take the blame.

You really don't know
anything about being a boss.

Here, this is what
you need to say.

Mm-hm.

I don't think women should
call other women that word.

Don't be a dumb bitch.

You have to show
them who's in charge.

And... that's you.

I'm gonna go internalize this.

Don't worry, I can
supervise things from here.

I can't believe they're locking
me up over one little jet.

Maybe it won't be so bad. Martha
Stewart made a lot of friends.

Maybe jail can be the start of
us redefining our relationship.

Certainly my relationship
with freedom.

I knew I was gonna win today.

This way, sir.

Let me
get this straight:

You broke up, he's back in
jail, and you two are all good.

I don't know if I'd say "all good," but
it was a pretty romantic arraignment.

This is really what you want?

You know, I have never seen
Nick the way he was today.

He risked everything so I'd
give him another chance.

I think I owe him that chance.

- I don't think you owe him anything.
- Well, maybe I owe it to myself, then.

I have to admit, even though I don't wanna
be married to him, I still love the crook.

I get it.

There are a lot of guys I'm attracted
to that I don't want to be married to.

Mick Jagger, Bill Nye, Deadpool.

Frankie, what is this?

Joan-Margaret found a brilliant
way to launder our money.

Please tell me it has
nothing to do with candy.

I cannot tell you that.

I can't tell you
about that either.