Gossip Girl (2007–2012): Season 5, Episode 20 - Salon of the Dead - full transcript

Gossip Girl here,
your one and only source...

... into the scandalous lives
of Manhattan's elite.

Time to pass the Gossip Girl baton.

Welcome to your future as
Gossip Girl 3.0.

The power is now in your hands.

I told Chuck he doesn't have my heart.
It belongs to someone else.

As for the rest of my estate,
I leave to you, Ivy Dickens.

- It'd be best if you left.
- I was gonna say the same thing.

- This is my apartment now.
- I heard from Ivy's lawyer.

She got a call from the bank
saying there was a check for her.

- A ruse to get her out of the apartment.
- You didn'tjust lie to her, you lied to me.



I will go back down
and get Mr. Humphrey's bags.

Well, um, actually, this is it for now.

I'm ready to move on and I can't with
Gossip Girl tracking my every move.

Find a new Serena. Use your influence
to anoint her the new "it" girl.

We have an offer
that'll keep The Spectator afloat.

Yes, I do know Diana Payne.

The Spectator is yours. I'm just here
in a support capacity. Deal?

- Deal.
- They needed a family member...

...for a blood transfusion.

- And I gave the doctors Jack's number.
- Jack.

You're covering
for who gave me the blood.

- Elizabeth.
- She didn't want you to know.

Elizabeth is not your mother.

Keep looking. Someone donated
that blood. I wanna know who.



Where has she been?

And who am I?

That's one secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me. XOXO...

... Gossip Girl.

Even on the Upper
East Side, the laws of physics dictate...

... that what goes up, must come down.

Even when it feels as if our feet
are a million miles off the ground.

But when we've hit rock bottom...

... we hope that some way, somehow,
our fortunes will change.

That a great force
will reverse the trend.

- Hey.
- Sorry. Did I wake you? It's after 9.

Ugh, yeah, that's dawn on
the Upper East Side. What's going on?

Remember how I called
Page Six and Perez Hilton:

"Trash-filled rags
for small minded individuals"?

Yeah, I think I recall
something along those lines.

Well, I take it back. Sort of.
I still think gossip sites are demonic.

But even I have to admit
this whole "it" girl thing has its perks.

Oh, really? Like what?

Like Lars von Trier
requesting me for an audition.

He's doing a staging
of Dancer in the Dark.

No big whoop, I mean,
he's only a bona fide film god.

That's fantastic.
When are we gonna celebrate?

I mean, I'm free right now.

How about after my audition?

It's today and so I need
every waking moment to prepare.

Which includes tracking Serena, getting
her advice on what to wear for my debut.

She's been kind of distant lately,
I can't figure out why.

Just because you're cousins doesn't
mean you have to be best friends.

- My cousin tried to kill me.
- Heh.

Okay, I gotta go. Talk soon.

We have a very busy day ahead of us,
so try to look alive.

- We begin with...
- Just how Lonely Boy like.

Over easy with croissant on side, jam
with four fruits, not plain strawberry.

- Thank you, Dorota. You know me well.
- As I was saying...

...or attempting to say before you two
started chatting about condiments...

...we'll be walking the red carpet
at End of the Rainbow.

Our first public outing as a couple.
I'm scheduled for a photo facial at 10...

...then Tracy Anderson will be
twisting my body into positions at 11.

In the meantime, why
don't you go home and shower?

Or not shower and just use deodorant
as people from Brooklyn are wont to do.

We'll grab cocktails before curtain,
7 p.m., where the red carpet, paparazzi...

...and at least one stirring tale of
alcoholism and financial ruin await us.

- God, it's good to be back in the saddle.
- Sounds perfect.

Of course it is. I came up with it.
So be on time.

- Are you're sure it's okay if I borrow it?
- Yeah, of course.

You have to wear the perfect thing.

For the audition, for the people that
will be writing about you going to it.

Uh, heh.

It's funny, the only person who seems to
not be writing about you is Gossip Girl.

- Mm, that doesn't bother me.
- Really?

She is the crown jewel
of the New York gossip blogs.

Maybe when you were in high school,
but now it seems like she's irrelevant.

Oh, be careful what you say.
She might be able to hear you, ha, ha.

This is the biggest audition of my life.

Last thing I'm worried about is some
blogger tethered to her computer.

- So are you nervous?
- Petrified. Heh.

Von Trier's a genius, but he's got a
reputation for being tough on actresses.

Personally, I think directors
wield a bit too much power.

So even if he's tough, no tears for me.

Well, you seem so confident today
that nothing could make you cry.

Even if it should. Heh.

Uh, thank you so much for this dress.
I really appreciate it.

- Of course. Break a leg.
- Thanks.

- Hmm, what's with the tie?
- Oh, it's a Blair thing.

I find it's best to pick my battles.
What's with the tool belt?

- Oh, it's a handyman thing.
- I can see that.

As happy as I am to have
a chair that rolls, uh...

...don't you think it's time
for you to head home?

I am home.

I mean your other home.
The one with your wife in it.

You two are the king and queen
of reconciliation.

Shouldn't you be forgiving each other
right now?

I know. I don't know how
I let things get so out of hand.

- Fix them, like the chair.
- It's not that simple.

I feels as though Lily and I have stopped
being honest with each other.

- So tell her the truth.
- Well, that's the thing. I, uh...

I'm not sure that I haven't
been lying this whole time.

To myself as much as to her.

When Lily and I first got married,
I threw myself into her world.

I became a plus one
for galas and in life.

But in the process I lost myself...

...and what's important to me.

We never managed to build a life
together that included both of us.

And I'm tired of it.

But now you're living separately,
stuck at a stalemate.

That isn't exactly the ideal alternative.

Yeah, but at least
I'm regaining my identity.

I know you're happy with Blair and...

...maybe in time you'll learn to love
wearing this tie.

But don't lose sight of yourself.

Good morning.

Late because of Lola, I presume?

- I wish.
- Trouble in paradise? I hope it isn't me.

- It isn't.
- Good, because that was a lie.

- I hope it is me, heh.
- Heh.

I got a smile. Watch out. I may take it
the wrong way. Could be trouble.

Oh, yeah, yeah.
Go ahead and pile it on.

There's just a lot going on right now.

My girlfriend is caught up
in her new life.

Serena and I are not on good terms,
I haven't seen Dan in forever...

...my best friend's on a mission
that is gonna get him hurt.

- Chuck's on a mission?
- He's looking for a missing relative.

If you have to look that hard,
it's never the answer you wanna find.

Ah.

I'd better run.
I'm gonna be late for my 11:00, heh.

Jack, it's me.

I just heard from Nate
that Chuck's still on the hunt.

We have to stop him snooping around
or he's gonna find out the truth.

Hang on.

Serena is holding my site
hostage. If you don't get it back for me...

... I'll tell everyone the secret that made
you afraid of me in the first place.

Hello. I'm Lola Rhodes.
I'm here to read for the part of...

Your audition has been canceled.

What? No, I got a call yesterday. There
must be some mistake. I don't understand.

Oh, maybe this Gossip Girl blast
will help clarify it for you.

Lola is a diva.

Wannabe actress Lola Rhodes
was overheard bragging:

"Everyone knows the star's the thing.
Real actors don't take direction...

... some are just better
at pretending they do."

You can go.

Rufus?

It seems I've made too much salad.

Heh.

Fine. I, uh, had it delivered.

But it's a generous serving,
enough for two.

I happened to find myself
in this neighborhood...

...I thought you might like
some leftovers.

You just happened to find yourself
in this neighborhood?

I may have ordered a car
with no other destination than this one.

Please, take it.

I will eat your roughage, but we both
know that's not why you're here.

Why can't you just admit
you wanted to see me?

Okay, fine, I missed you.

I said it.

Ah, Rufus, the Upper East Side
holds all the comforts I desire.

Clean sidewalks, Bergdorf Goodman
and people whose job it is to open doors.

But there is no you.

And you're the only comfort
I really need.

And the apartmentjust doesn't
seem like home without you in it.

And in my abundance
of time alone this week...

...I had a chance to think.

What would you say
to me selling the apartment...

...and us finding our own place?
One that fits us both.

Really? You'd do that?
You love that apartment.

I like that apartment a lot.

But I love you and I want us to work.

Me too.

- So? Were you a hit?
- Hardly.

A nasty Gossip Girl blast
landed before I did.

I didn't even get a chance to read.

I really don't get it, she's radio-silent
and then decides to go after me...

...on the most important day of my life?
- Yeah, pfft, I don't know.

Gossip Girl works in mysterious ways.

I guess she isn't so irrelevant
after all, huh?

Hey, you didn't happen to mention
anything about our conversation...

...about von Trier, did you?
Not that I said anything bad, but...

No, not a word.

Okay. Well, I guess I'll just
act like I'm not totally mortified...

...and get on with my life. Hopefully,
this is the last I'm hearing from her.

Yeah. Hopefully.

I'll talk to you later.

Isn't it exciting?

Finally meeting the infamous
Gossip Girl in the flesh.

- Hi, how many?
- Hi. Two, please. Thank you.

- Oh, why did we come here for lunch?
- I was hoping we could go next door...

...to the tree-planting event. My friend
is covering it for McSweeney's.

She wanted to grab a photo
of us going green.

What? Uh, no.

Just because a tree grows in Brooklyn,
does not mean I have to plant it.

- I'm not going green. I'm going home.
- Wait.

Look, we can't be photographed.

We are coming out as a couple
at the theater.

We can come out now in Brooklyn, then
uptown later. The best of both worlds.

Dan, a couple only has one chance to
make a first impression.

I'm not doing it knee-deep in fertilizer
looking like Vanessa.

Look, I'm not trying to be difficult...

...but I don't wanna melt into your world
and lose myself. We need a balance.

I spent the last year of my life playing
Marie Antoinette to Prince Possessive.

I'm not going from Hapsburg
to Williamsburg. I wanna be me.

- And I wanna be me.
- I'm sorry.

We didn't mean to eavesdrop,
but we couldn't help but overhear.

We've had the same fight
over a million times.

- I'm die-hard Upper East Side.
- I'm as Queens as acrylic nails.

We know
about settling our differences.

Wait, heh, it's you. You're Julian Tepper
and you're Jenna Gribbon.

You're like the Brangelina
of the five boroughs.

- How you doing?
- Hi, I'm Blair Waldorf.

- Jenna.
- Dan.

How did you find a solution?
What was your compromise?

Well, that's a long story.

Well, we have time. Lunch?

I'm sorry about your audition.

I know how badly you wanted the part.
You'll get the next one.

Have you ever wondered who
Gossip Girl is? Tried to find her?

Yeah, of course, but she keeps
her identity pretty well hidden.

I have a theory. Serena.

- Serena, what?
- Serena is Gossip Girl.

There's no use denying it. I know
you're the acting queen of cyberspace.

I also know that the real Gossip Girl has
been badgering you to return her site.

I should warn you she's prepared to go
to great lengths to get what she wants.

But this doesn't matter, because I want
to help you stay on as Gossip Girl.

I want to protect your identity
and help you keep the site.

Lola, that's ludicrous. Serena's hated
Gossip Girl since in high school.

You can read all the negative posts
about her.

Gossip Girl has to slam Serena.
It would be pretty obvious if she didn't.

- Why would you wanna help me?
- Maybe I'll be helping myself too.

If you remember,
I have a history with Gossip Girl.

A history with Gossip Girl
means you have something to hide.

I'm a woman who has lived,
I have plenty to hide.

If you continue your reign
as Gossip Girl, we both win.

Well, so far you've only
told me how you do.

I know you're an actress...

...and there's a certain amount
of quirkiness, but this is too much.

Stop letting your imagination run wild.
Come on, we have a reservation at Masa.

I don't think I can go.
I have to fix my audition.

I have a great deal
of influence in New York media.

I'll make sure your version of
Gossip Girl is the most popular in town.

I'm sorry, Nate.

So are you gonna call the director?

Spend the afternoon obsessing
about conspiracy theories?

Seriously, Lola, it needs to stop.

- I'll have to think about it.
- Don't take too long.

Serena's Gossip Girl.
Just wait, I'm gonna prove it to you.

I'll be at The Spectator after lunch,
you can give me your answer then.

Happy blogging.

And that is the story of how I got Julian
and his Prada loafers to Astoria.

And now I love pork buns. Who knew?

Well, thank you.
You've really given us hope.

Well, meals are easier to negotiate,
but what about your social life?

Actually, every month
we host a salon.

Good food, good wine,
intellectual discussion.

Not to brag, but people fight for invites.
You should come.

Agyness Deyn and Sarah Sophie Flicker
came to the last one.

And Mario Carbone and Rich Torrisi
did the menu.

And then we screened
My Man Godfrey.

Carole Lombard is my spirit animal.
We'll absolutely be at the next one.

Guys, this has been fun,
but we've gotta go.

- Nice meeting you.
- It was very nice to meet you.

Yeah.

- I thought they were cute.
- I wonder if it'll last.

To be transported back
to the vicious circle, it's so romantic...

...so au courant, so...
- The perfect combination of you and me.

It's as if the Angelika
was on 75th street.

Let's forget the garden
and the theater...

...and host a salon
for our official coming out.

Its only fault is that
I didn't think of it myself.

Come on. We have planning to do.

Yeah, I like that one. Just tell them
to put it in color, please. Thanks.

- Hey, have you seen Diana?
- Uh, yeah, she's downstairs, in her office.

Hey, so are we still in a fight?

Uh, well, you did fire me, heh.

But, um, it actually turned out
for the best.

I don't know about you,
but I'd like to put it behind us.

Yeah, me too.

So, what's new in your life?

Oh, I've had my hands full
with your long-lost cousin.

- What do you mean?
- Since Lola hit the "it" girl radar...

...she's been completely MIA.

I didn't think she was the type
to get caught up in it...

...but today there's this Gossip Girl
blast about her and she lost it.

All worked up,
theories about who Gossip Girl is.

- Well, who does she think it is?
- You actually.

What, heh? That's insane.
What have I ever done to her?

I know. It's crazy.
She's just upset about her audition...

- looking for somebody to blame.
- Tell her not to look at me.

I really hope this ride doesn't change
her, she was such a sweet girl.

It was, um, good to talk to you.
I'm gonna go find Diana.

Yeah, you too.

Good news, Jack.
I'm about to make a deal with Serena.

As long as she controls Gossip Girl,
no one will find out what I did for Chuck.

- Uh-oh, Diana.
- Bye.

Looks like mischief
is written into your DNA.

Okay, now that takes care of the flowers.
What glasses should we use?

Mason jars.

There is something to be said
for that whole farm-to-table phenom.

- Uh, uh, wine?
- French.

- Theme?
- Well...

...I have a thing for du Maurier
and you hanker for T.S. Eliot.

We both love Radiohead.

London Calling, an ode to the Brits.
It's perfect.

April Bloomfield will cater. I do secretly
love pub food when it's made with foie.

Who to invite? Serena?

I want us to have a chance
of being successful.

If she's there, we'll both be on edge.

I think we should just wait
till we have our footing.

- Nate?
- At a salon?

Not gonna dignify that
with a response.

Since we're breaking new ground,
why don't we bring new people?

Like, uh, how about
our new couple friends?

Well, they do qualify
as influencers. Approved.

And what about Diana Payne?
She's British and she's press.

If she writes about tonight, our new
world would be the hottest destination.

Oh, okay, Vanya. I see you tonight.
Big kisses to you and Ana and Leo.

Hey, Dorota. I'm looking for Serena.
Have you seen her?

Oh, Miss Serena hiding in room all day
long like blond Unabomber.

You know, the best part of this
guest list? No Gossip Girl moles.

Imagine a night without having to worry
about photos or snarky e-blasts.

Since we're gonna be surrounded
by New York Glitterati...

...and Brooklyn's Literati...

...it's the perfect opportunity
to announce your second book.

- You think that's a good idea?
- Heh.

We'll be making our debut as a couple.

You can reclaim your place
as the important young writer...

...in New York City.
Of course I think it's a good idea.

Mr. Humphrey will be back shortly
and he'll have some bags with him.

If you could help him.

I will be so happy to have
Mr. Humphrey back.

I haven't heard any great guitar riffs...

...through the wall lately.
- Ha, ha. Oh, here.

Thank you.

Hello?

Rufus Humphrey, please.

Oh, I'm sorry, uh,
my husband's not here at the moment.

He should be home in an hour or so.

This is the front desk
at the Soho Grand.

I'm just calling to verify
his credit card information.

Oh, I can do that.
What is he paying for?

The stay of a hotel guest. Ivy Dickens?

Oh, I'm sorry,
I absolutely cannot verify that card.

Certainly not to pay for Ivy Dickens.

Okay. Uh, thank you for your time.

Thank you.

Excuse me, weren't you working
the night that Chuck Bass...

...was brought into the hospital?
- Yes. I remember that night well.

Do you happen
to recognize this woman?

Yes. She arrived at the hospital
the night of the accident.

She donated blood and left quickly,
before Mr. Bass regained consciousness.

Thank you so much.
You've been a huge help.

Sure.

Hi, This is Serena van der Woodsen
calling for Ms. Payne.

She's not available.

Would you like to leave a message?

Oh, do you know where I might find her?
I need to speak with her.

I have a lead on a story I know she'll
wanna break before the Daily News.

Okay. Uh, just a second.

She'll be attending a salon
at Daniel Humphrey's.

- It's located at...
- Yeah, okay, I got it. Thank you. Heh.

You're mad, but meet me at Dan's.
I have proof Serena is Gossip Girl.

Fine, but only on the condition that
if your proof comes up short...

...you'll agree to drop this.

Yes, absolutely. Thank you.
Thank you so much. You won't regret it.

All right, see you soon.

Any interest in, uh, taking a little
field trip out to the 718?

Sure. I haven't been slumming
in a while.

Seems New York's newest intellectuals...

... are about to get dumbed down.

Welcome, everybody.

Tonight is about wit and wisdom
and discussion.

Our theme of the evening,
as you know, is all things British.

And our menu,
prepared by Chef April Bloomfield...

...takes its inspiration
from that theme.

As each new dish is served, a new
topic of discussion will be introduced.

Food will begin momentarily. Until then,
Dan and I are pleased to be hosting you.

- Cheerio.
- Here, here. Sorry I'm late.

Late?
Heh, how can you be late to an event...

...you didn't even know
was happening?

What are you doing here?

In the madness of planning,
you must've forgotten to invite me.

But don't stop on account of me.
I'll just make myself at home.

Oh, the first course
is a lovely combination of...

Look, it's Lola.

- I'm wearing the Lola.
- You invited her?

- Yes.
- No.

Talk amongst yourselves. Dan and I
will be back in a London minute.

I am trying to maintain
a stiff British upper lip...

...but how can I keep calm
with those two here?

Uh, Serena will spend the nightjudging us
and Lola is probably trying to squeeze...

...free press out of the night so she
can move on from community theater.

Blair, our salon can easily handle
a few party crashers.

And you should be a little flattered...

...they both made it to Brooklyn
to check it out.

Look, tonight is gonna be great.

Deal?

Deal.

England,
after all, gave us Downton Abbey.

Isn't this exciting?

Dan making his big
book announcement tonight?

Hey. Wasn't it Gossip Girl who first
broke the news about Inside?

I think so.

Do you think she'll break the news
or will someone else beat her?

I mean, there are a lot
of media types here.

Maybe Gossip Girl is here too,
in which case, she doesn't have to worry.

Gossip Girl doesn't need to travel to get
news, she's got sources everywhere.

Really? Even at a party like this?
I mean, look around.

Who would be sending Gossip Girl tips?
Heh.

All I'm saying is that
this book party is a pretty big deal.

Gossip Girl would have
to post about it to stay relevant.

I understand Gossip Girl's
probably pretty fascinating...

...to a newcomer like you,
but to me she's just not.

If you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go rejoin the other guests.

- What are you doing here?
- Nate invited me. What are we doing?

- Lola invited us.
- Hi, hi, hi.

Where do you get off
inviting people to my salon?

- Explain yourself.
- I think an explanation's in order.

- Nate, listen to me.
- Blair, leave it.

I know you think I've lost it, but I'm
about to prove Serena is Gossip Girl.

- What if you're wrong?
- I'm not.

Serena crashed because she heard Dan
was gonna announce his book.

I promise you 30 seconds later,
it's gonna be all over Gossip Girl.

That doesn't prove anything. Anyone
here could send in a tip. Including Dan.

- Fine. I have a better idea.
- Lola.

No. I'll show you. Trust me.

Mr. Humphrey, how you like
new Magnetic Fields?

Oh, I love it. Hey, Lil.

Can you just leave these here?
Thank you.

Have you secretly been putting
Ivy Dickens up in a hotel?

Yes, I have.

You left her penniless.
I convinced her to move out.

I felt responsible.
Couldn't let her live on the street.

Why not? She's a thief.
That's exactly where she belongs.

She's a young girl, she has nothing.
She has no family, no friends, no money.

I could care less about Ivy,
which you well know.

- How could you help this girl...?
- Lily, you...

- After what she did to our family?
- I did what I thought was right.

With my money.

I used my own personal credit card.

At least now I know how you really feel.
This is clearly a much bigger issue.

Entrees are almost ready,
but I've ran out of ice...

...and I need ice to finish off my dessert
and my special cocktail.

I think Meryl is
a perfect Margaret Thatcher.

In the world of the novel,
London has become the big city.

I need to speak with you.

Excuse me. Graham Greene,
Martin Amis. Discuss.

Okay, since everybody's crashing...

...April's running short on ice.
Dinner's gonna be delayed.

How long? No, you know what?
We can handle this.

WWDPD?
What would Dorothy Parker do?

Uh, get them drunk until we get back.

Of course. A liquid diet of booze...

...and great intellectual discussion
should suffice.

- Can I top off anyone's wine?
- Gets conversation flowing.

Why are we discussing
British literary figures...

...when we have New York's
celebrated author in our midst?

An author
with an announcement perhaps?

Good evening, everyone.
Sorry I'm late.

Oh, Diana. Just the person
I was hoping to see.

- Do you have a moment to speak?
- Sure.

And we're off to get the ice.

So I'm assuming
you have an answer for me.

What do you say?

Me and my resources plus Gossip Girl
is a powerful combination.

Well, I don't know.
When I enter a partnership...

...I like to know everything about them.
I think they call that vetting?

- Vet away, darling.
- I just have a couple questions.

Like where were you the night
of Chuck's accident, November 18th?

I was... I was here in New York.

And do you happen to know
where he was treated for his injuries?

Or his blood type?

Do you know the date he was born
or where you were on that day?

I know what you're getting at.

Well, if you know what I'm getting at,
then why don't you answer for me?

Or would you like me to do that?

What do you want me to say?

The nurse recognized you. You saved
Chuck's life, and you did that because?

I'm Chuck's mother.

If you want my advice,
it's, "run, Lola, run."

Because you just let out
the mother of all secrets.

Is it true?

- Yes, Charles, it is.
- Don't.

Just don't come here.
Stay right there.

You have been in New York
for months.

Inviting me to parties.
Hiring my friends.

Hanging out in my apartment
in your underwear.

Banging my best friend.
Did it not occur to you to mention this?

That you were my mother?

- Please, Chuck, I can explain.
- I can't do this right now.

Or ever. I can't.

Well, this is the most dramatic salon
I've ever been to.

Very un-British, if you ask me.

I hope you're pleased with yourself.

I was right all along. You're actually her.
You're Gossip Girl.

Even if I am, it doesn't matter. Do you
realize the damage you've just done?

You had no right to do that.

Who wants another Pimms Cup?

Wait, what happened here?
Where's everyone going?

That was more soap opera than salon.

This never would've happened
at The Oracle Club.

This was supposed to be
our coming-out party.

It was supposed to capture
who we are as a couple...

...but it wasn't smart or interesting.
It wasn't uptown or downtown.

- It was a bloody mess.
- Blair, it was just a party.

No, it wasn't.
We tried to create a new world...

...for our relationship to exist in,
but we failed miserably.

You don't wanna live in my world and
I certainly don't want to live in yours.

So where does that leave us?

I don't know.

I'm genuinely sorry
that I hurt Chuck today.

I'm not sorry I hurt you.

Here's your coat, sir.

Please, whatever you do,
just don't tell anyone what you know.

Nate, wait. Where are you going?

I need to find Chuck,
make sure he's all right.

- I'm sorry. This is all my fault.
- I told you to leave things alone.

It's one thing to accuse Serena
of being Gossip Girl.

But sending in that video about Chuck?
I can't forgive that.

I mean, do you have anything
to say for yourself?

No.

Thank you.

The Brits say, "God save the Queen."

But it looks like Lola
is the one in need of a royal SOS.

Nate, I need to speak with you,
and Chuck.

We don't have anything to say to you.

You need to go. Now.

It's okay.

I may be angry,
but I need to know the truth.

Are you running away?

No.

Joining the army?

Auditioning for one of those
America's Got Idol Talent Factor shows?

I was hoping
I could have a sleepover with you.

You do realize that means
you'd be entering my world.

I do.

Our relationship isn't about
choosing one world.

Our relationship is our world.

Well, then tonight our relationship
was a worldwide disaster.

It's probably not gonna be our last.
We have to face these disasters together.

We're a team.

So maybe we can be a team
at the Met Ball?

Absolutely.
And, uh, at a beet pickling festival.

I wouldn't be caught dead
at a pickling festival.

I'm just messing with you.

I met your father
when he was still with Elizabeth.

I was very young.
I couldn't resist him.

He was charming, handsome.

It felt as if he had the whole world
at his feet.

I knew he was involved
with someone else.

You mean married?

Yeah. We had an affair.

And it only ended
when I got pregnant.

But you kept the baby.
You must've wanted me.

I mean, why did you give me up?

I was a mess.

Mixed up in the wrong things
with the wrong people.

Unfit to raise a child.

And then Elizabeth,
she couldn't get pregnant.

It seemed like a way
to solve all our problems.

So you made a deal.

After it was over, I left town alone...

...and ashamed.

But a few years later,
when I heard that Elizabeth had died...

...although I now know
that wasn't the case, I came back.

But Elizabeth couldn't do it.

She couldn't stick
to her end of the bargain.

Raise someone else's child
as her own.

I wanted to see you desperately.

But Bart thought it would be
too confusing for you.

So you just stayed away
until eight months ago?

When I came back to the city last fall,
I was hoping to watch over you.

- From afar.
- Nate's bed is not that far.

Well, I didn't intend for things to get
as serious as they did with Nate.

And then I thought
if you never find out the truth...

...what's the harm?

So, what does it all mean,
now that I know?

That's for you to decide.

You know where to find me.

Haven't you stirred up
enough trouble for one night?

I came to return this.

Why didn't you tell Nate
when you had the chance?

I knew it would hurt him
if he found out.

You're one of his best friends. Even
when you guys are mad, he still cares.

I couldn't ruin Chuck's life
and Nate's in the same night. Heh.

Can I just ask why?
Why do you do it?

I only became Gossip Girl recently.

And right now
it's the only thing I have.

I mean, it's the only thing in my life
that I can hold on to.

You know, because a lot of times
my life is just really out of control.

I get that, but you're doing
exactly what was done to you...

...and to everyone else.
- Yeah, heh, I mean I was hurt, sure...

...but I survived.

A little adversity
can actually be good for you.

You'll see how things work
around here.

No, I won't, actually. I'm officially
resigning from the Upper East Side.

I have a whole life at Juilliard where
the drama is reserved for the stage.

I think I belong back there.

So if you want
the Upper East Side back, it's all yours.

You're the only "it" girl
that matters anyway.

You see to that yourself, heh.

The Upper East Side
is filled with high rollers.

I'm sorry sir,
but your debit card was declined.

Are you sure about that?

Why don't you try running it again?

I did. Four times, to be precise.

Sorry about that.

Here you go. I don't need change.

Some people choose
to bet on themselves.

While others are happy
to bet on someone else.

I'm sorry, but if you insist
that Damien Hirst's work...

...is anything but simple-minded,
sensationalist and fatuous...

...I'm not sure I'll be able
to lay my head next to yours tonight.

But you can't deny his influence
on the art market today is massive.

But luck is a funny thing.

It's easy to accept it
when it goes your way.

But when it doesn't.

Call it injustice, call it treachery.

Hey, Mom. You were right.
The Upper East Side is toxic.

I never should've stepped foot in it,
just like you warned me.

But, um, you don't have to worry
because I'm done with it. Heh.

There's nothing else tying me to the
van der Woodsens or their world, so...

I have to say, it's a huge relief.

Talk to you soon.

But remember,
the most important rule in gambling...

... is that the house always wins.

You know you love me,
XOXO, Gossip Girl.