Gossip Girl (2007–2012): Season 5, Episode 14 - The Backup Dan - full transcript

Gossip Girl here,
your one and only source...

... into the scandalous lives
of Manhattan's elite.

I love you, Dan Humphrey.

- Serena.
- I really hope we can talk later.

Charlie. I'm sorry,
I thought you were Charlotte Rhodes.

I am, yeah. People call me Lola.
And you are?

Looking for a different
Charlotte Rhodes.

If they ever found out the truth...

...about the real Charlotte Rhodes,
they would never forgive me.

- I'm, uh...
- Nate Archibald, yeah.

I worked your office Christmas party,
remember?



A true American princess? The next Diana?

If this is supposed to be
her happiest day...

...then I can't wait
to rain all over her parade.

Why'd you need this?

What's the point of doing something
scandalous if you don't record it?

Of course I love you, Chuck.
I've always loved you.

I love you more every day, if it's even
possible to love someone that much.

From this moment forward, there is
nothing between us but a contract.

Our marriage is all for show.

And you're going to put on
the best show anyone ever has.

- This was the only car with keys in it.
- It's fine, just go.

You know you love me.

- XOXO.
- XOXO, Gossip Girl.

Where has she been?



And who am I?

That's one secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me. XOXO...

... Gossip Girl.

Everyone wants their wedding to be perfect.

I made it through the wilderness

But on the Upper East Side,
perfect isn't good enough.

Didn't know how lost I was

Although, some disasters can't be avoided.

Excuse me, have you seen the bride?

- No.
- Sorry.

Rufus, Mom.
Hey, do you know where Blair is?

No. I have not seen her since
the newlyweds' last dance.

And where have you been?

Your mother and I have been
showing off our moves.

And you and Dan should join us.

Oh, that sounds great,
except I have to find Blair.

All right, suit yourself.

Hey. Do you know where Blair is?
I haven't been able to track her down.

Oh, I'm sure she and Louis are off
having a private moment...

...to let it all soak in
before making their grand exit.

- Okay.
- Serena?

Blair seems happy, doesn't she?
With Louis.

Of course. I mean, she loves Louis,
and she's a princess now.

- Mm.
- So, you know...

...as soon as that soaks in,
I'm sure she'll be beyond happy.

I hope so.

That's all I want, is for her to be happy.
I hope she knows that.

I'm sure she does.

Enjoy.

Thank you for coming.
I'll tell Blair you said goodbye.

Oh, I was worried you left already.
Please tell me you know where Blair is.

I, uh, believe she went to the powder room
to freshen up.

Okay. I won't keep her long.
I know you have to leave soon.

Okay.

No matter how
you might plan for perfection...

... there's always a hitch.

Blair confessing her love for Chuck...

...is the best thing to happen
to Gossip Girl in years.

So this is the big scandal you wanted.

Not quite. Blair still married the twerp.

But she left the reception early.
Something's wrong.

I just have to figure out what it is.

Right now?

Aren't you exhausted?

On the contrary,
I've never felt more invigorated.

I can't find Blair.
I checked every stall in the building.

- You check her room?
- Three times.

- I even had security look at the roof.
- Why would she be on the roof?

Maybe I've seen The Hangover
too many times.

Itjust doesn't make sense.

Why isn't she dancing with her dads?
Or saying "good nights" with Louis?

Ugh, I can't believe she had me
keep her phone for her.

Security at the Empire. Hello?

What?

No, it's fine. I'll be right there.

It appears our question
has been answered.

Blair's at my place.

You must be desperate to flirt with me
by doing manual labor.

What? This isn't flirting.

I've always wanted
to load a catering van.

One more thing to cross off
my bucket list, right?

Nate? What are you doing down here?

Oh, I'm leading a hand.
These things are heavier than you think.

Pretty desperate, Nathaniel.
Although, it looks worth it.

Blair left without telling anyone
and fled to the Empire.

We're headed over there
to find out what happened.

Arthur should be here. I told him to pull
around back so nobody would see us.

Oh, you could be waiting a while.
The bride and groom are leaving soon.

There are photographers everywhere.
Traffic is a mess.

Luckily, this lets out to a side street.

So I can take the van out that way
and avoid the mess.

Looks like we might need your van.

Or maybe we can ask nicely
for her to give us a ride?

Please, it's for the bride.

She's run away from her own wedding
without telling anyone...

...and we need to make sure
she's okay.

- I know that you don't know us...
- Wait.

The princess is a runaway bride?
And you guys are going to look for her?

Yeah, I'm so in. I'll drive.

Great. Thank you so much.

What? I'm worried about Blair too.

Thank you for coming.

Mother.

Keep smiling.
Pretend that everything is fine.

Why? What's going on?

People wish to bid
farewell to the happy couple...

...and I'm hearing that your bride
is nowhere to be found.

Maybe you should tell me
what is going on.

I was so angry I couldn't wait.

What did you tell her?

Everything we discussed.

That after humiliating me,
she will be my wife in name only.

What were you thinking? The press
is outside awaiting your departure...

...and there are hundreds of guests here.
This is why I told you to wait.

Blair needs to be by your side
this instant.

I fear she may have left.

The reception is winding down.

I will tell the press that
the happy couple have slipped out back.

In the meantime, I'll find out
if Eleanor knows where her daughter is.

Prince Louis
may not have been left at the altar...

... but the honeymoon appears to be over
before it begins.

Blair.

Hey, guys.

- Beautiful wedding, huh?
- What have you done with Blair?

Nothing, except tell the dumbest member
of your security team that I was her.

I'm sorry,
I had to get your attention somehow.

This is Georgina Sparks.

She's the worst person you'll ever meet,
just avoid eye contact at all times.

Georgina, what are you up to?

Why do you always assume
my motives are nefarious?

Well, ugh...

Look, I felt bad for filming the video
and I'm trying to make it right.

So when I saw Blair hightail it
without her frog prince...

...I knew I had to help.

- Cross my heart and hope to die.
- Here's hoping.

You saw Blair leave?
Where was she going?

I don't know, but if you want to find her,
I was the last person to lay eyes on her...

...so you're going to need my help.

Looks like everyone wants to
know where the royal bride ran to.

But will they find her in time?

I don't understand.
The Dominican Republic?

Louis may not agree to a divorce
here in the States...

...but I think I can get one there
without his consent.

Was researching divorce law
part of your wedding prep?

Because that should've been
your first sign.

Elizabeth Taylor
got her fourth divorce there.

There's some weird loophole in the law
where you don't need the groom.

Or maybe they just take bribes. Either
way, I'll figure it out when I get there.

Is this all because of Chuck?

I mean, I can't believe
he sent that video in to Gossip Girl.

No.

I don't know. Maybe.

The second that video came out...

...Louis transformed
into a totally different person.

So the sooner I can free myself of him,
the sooner I can get on with my life.

So you wanna go
to the Dominican Republic right now?

Do you know a better way out of this?

The white zone...

You sure about this?

All right, then. Let's get you
on the next flight to Santo Domingo.

You can run
and you can hide, but Princess B, beware...

... Gossip Girl has eyes everywhere.

We may have an open seat
on a connecting flight through Orlando.

- Let me just get my supervisor.
- Thank you.

What is the hold up, Humphrey?
People are starting to stare.

All the direct flights are booked,
but she's working on it.

Whatever gets me out of here.
If someone were to recognize me...

...and Louis figured out where I was,
he would stop me.

I think dragging you out of here
kicking and screaming...

...is the kind of embarrassment
they're trying to avoid.

No. I mean he would stop me
from getting a divorce.

The Grimaldis have a great deal
of international influence.

One call to a diplomat and I can kiss
my one shot at freedom goodbye.

Oh, my God, that's Blair Waldorf.

Great. It is going to be Bieber fever
in here in about one minute.

I mean, everyone is staring.

Rela... They're staring at you because
you're wearing a wedding dress.

Yeah. Right. You have a point.

Hey, hey. Yes. You.

You seem to have
reasonably good taste.

What do you think about trading me this
gorgeous, one-of-a-kind Vera Wang...

...for the least offensive thing
in your suitcase?

Tell me you know who Vera Wang is
or keep walking.

Wait a minute. Are you her?
Are you the princess of Monaco?

Oh, my God. Are you
on your honeymoon? Oh, my God.

- The prince must be here. Where is he?
- Uh, no. I'm not her.

They just bear an uncanny resemblance
to one another. In every way.

Yeah. We... We are decoys. A distraction
so that the real royal couple...

...doesn't get mobbed
by tabloid-obsessed losers like yourself.

No offense.

Now that I get a better look, you're not
nearly as pretty as Blair Waldorf.

And he's terrible.

Tsk, you think I'd be insulted by someone
with a Samsonite?

I just need to change, so lend me
your credit card so I can go shopping.

They do give credit to people
from Brooklyn, right?

Oh, hey, Serena. What's up?

Hey, sorry I disappeared
from the reception.

I spilled red wine all over my dress,
if you can believe it.

I went home to change and with traffic,
it's just taking longer than I expected.

Yeah, no worries.
I mean, I didn't even realize you'd left.

Oh, um...

Do you know where Blair is?
I need to talk to her but I have her phone.

I'm sure she's around somewhere,
right?

Blair... Um, you know what?
You just missed her.

She left. She left with Louis.

Oh, they left together?

Yeah. I mean,
isn't that what they do at weddings?

Anyway, they're gone.

They're, uh, probably
on their honeymoon now.

You really shouldn't come back
because it's kind of done here.

You sound weird, heh.

No, I don't.

Uh, is this about what I said
to you earlier?

No, no, no. Not at all. It's...
I'm just tired from all the dancing.

I should've given it a rest
after "Funky Cold Medina."

Look, I know that I said
you don't have to say anything...

...but don't you have
anything to say, heh?

I do. I do, but I just...
I gotta go to the bathroom.

I'm walking into the men's room
right now.

I'm gonna call you later, all right?

Dan says Blair left with Louis.
Maybe we're overreacting.

You're not. Dan's lying.
He's gotten pretty good at it too.

- Heh, you think you stand out less in that?
- Anything "I heart New York" is perfect.

A New Yorker
wouldn't be caught dead in it.

She wouldn't give me your ticket
without you here.

- I got you a seat on the next flight, 36E.
- Coach?

Which is also the perfect camouflage.

It cost me a fortune
since it's so last minute.

Okay then, I just need your passport.

Oh, my God. Her passport.

Once again, Humphrey,
I am one step ahead of you.

Now, I know it's unorthodox...

...but this is an emergency
and I don't have my passport...

...so I'm hoping that you will allow me
to prove my identity with this.

Don't believe her. She's a decoy.
She told me so herself.

- And check out how bad the prince is.
- Okay, once was enough.

Look, I am Blair Waldorf. See?

Okay, this is, heh, probably not the best
way to go unnoticed.

Great. Now I need a passport
to prove I'm me?

If that video had never come out,
none of this would've happened.

I'll get Dorota to bring it to me.
Give me your phone.

There's no way
I'm believing Georgina over Dan.

And Dan said
that Blair left with Louis.

Why do you assume
that I'm the one lying?

If your opinion mattered to me,
I'd be insulted.

Why are you here?
Don't you have a hole to crawl into?

I want to help.
Let's think of the possibilities.

Ideas? Anyone?

- Who are you calling?
- Security.

You overstayed your welcome
when you showed up.

It's me. Can you send someone
up to the penthouse?

Yeah, I have a situation.

No need for security. The jig is up.

Ah, you caught me. I have been lying.

Um, I don't know what to say.
I'm bored and my DVR is empty?

I can normally keep this up for hours,
but I have a kid...

...and his Mommy and Me group
is more fun to mess with than you. Bye.

Wow. Seriously, what is her problem?

Hey, I'm sorry Blair wasn't here.

I know you were hoping
she would run to you.

I should've known it wasn't her.

I need to make peace with the fact
that it's over.

Whoever released that video
killed whatever chance I had with her.

- Your phone's ringing.
- No, no, it's Blair's.

It's a text from Louis.
That's weird if they're together.

"Where the hell are you?
Get back here this instant."

Thank you so much for continuing
the night with me.

I have so much adrenaline,
I can't possibly sleep.

It's too bad that the men in our lives
are such bores.

Hey, I'm still here. And I'm fairly certain
that Lily and I weren't boring...

...when we closed out the dance floor
to "Moves Like Jagger."

Even Jagger couldn't move like Jagger
in these heels.

I hope you don't mind
if I go change into flats.

- Go right ahead.
- Shall I open a bottle?

Hmm.

- It was a wonderful reception.
- Yes.

I only wish that Blair and Louis had not
snuck out without saying goodbye.

I know. Perhaps they were overwhelmed
with well-wishers.

- I have an idea.
- Hmm.

Why don't we invite the newlyweds
to stop by here...

...before they leave
for their honeymoon?

Louis has turned his cell phone off,
but maybe you could reach Blair?

- I doubt we could catch them.
- Well, how will you know until you try?

Honestly,
after the day that they have had...

...I'm sure that they would prefer
to be by themselves.

And you know what? I'm kind of beat.
Perhaps I should go home.

Rufus has just opened a bottle of wine.
It would be rude to leave now.

Just one glass, at least.

And I've opened one of our favorites.
After all, it is a special occasion.

Uh, ladies, please make yourself at home.

Will you excuse me?

- Hello?
- Dad, it's me. Hey.

Uh, don't tell anyone I'm calling
and please don't freak out.

I'm at the airport right now, with Blair.

She's going to the Dominican Republic
to get a divorce.

- What are you talking about?
- You just gotta trust me.

She made a terrible mistake
marrying Louis.

She's gotta flee the country to make sure
he doesn't find out where she is.

- And you're going with her?
- No, no. I'm just helping out.

I need you to help make sure
that Louis and his family...

...don't know that she's trying
to leave the city.

It's only a matter of time
before they think to look here.

I'm with Sophie and Eleanor now.

- Um, they think she's with Louis.
- Oh, good.

- Keep it that way.
- I don't think Blair should be...

...dragging you into this.
- She needs me, Dad.

If you could see how upset she is,
you would understand. Please.

Just stall them.

All right. I trust you're doing
the right thing.

I'll do what I can to help.

Hey. Your battery's about to die.

I know. I just had to use the pay phone
to ask my dad to buy us more time.

You told Rufus? That goody-goody
will squeal the first chance he gets.

- You trust Dorota?
- I pay her to stay loyal.

Rufus is always doing the right thing.
I'm sure he's already told my mother.

Which means everyone will know she
knows because she refuses to get Botox.

- Her face is an emoticon.
- Louis won't find out.

Listen, I don't think
that you fully comprehend...

...the urgency of my situation.

You know what they did to Charlene
Wittstock when she tried to run...

...and she was an Olympian.
These people don't mess around.

I need to resolve this
as quickly as possible.

You'll be fine. Rufus and Dorota
are the only two people who know.

And I guarantee they won't tell a soul.

Going somewhere?

Since Miss Blair gone on honeymoon,
I take small trip myself.

Mm-hm.

With your employer's Vuitton.
I don't think so.

I tell you nothing.

We'll see about that.

You remember when your husband
took me on that small trip to Russia?

It's payback time.

Careful, B.
Loyalty's only worth so much...

... until there's a bigger price
on your head.

Still no word from Blair?

No. I'm sure they're in the air by now.

Champagne toasting at 30,000 feet
as we speak.

Do you honestly expect me
to believe that?

- Excuse me?
- Well, Louis is in a limo downstairs...

...and Blair is nowhere to be found.

Enough with the niceties.

Tell me where she is.

I'm sorry. Where is my daughter?

I will not stand for the humiliation
of my son being left on his wedding day.

If you cannot get Blair to return...

...then you will be required to fulfill
the dowry that we so generously waived.

First of all, I thought my daughter
was with your son.

And as for the dowry, it was waived
because it's antiquated and outrageous.

You cannot force us to pay it.

It's all in the prenuptial agreement.

If she defaults on the marriage,
the dowry can be reinstated.

So it is in everyone's best interests
for Blair to return.

How am I supposed to get Blair to return
if I don't know where she is?

Ah, I'm sorry that took so long.
My new Loeffler Randalls...

...had scuff marks on them,
but they came right off.

So, what did I miss?

I was just about to tell everyone
that the flower arrangements...

...at the reception were so beautiful,
I thought we each should have one.

So I called over to catering
and they're sending some over.

Oh, what a lovely idea.

Well, they should be here any minute.
So while we wait, who wants more wine?

Thank you for your hospitality,
but I'm afraid I must be going.

I was hoping to avoid this,
but if you won't tell me where she is...

...I have other ways of finding out.

Everything okay?

Oh, yeah. My boss wants me
to help with something...

...but I'm off the clock,
so he can find someone else.

Yeah, I'm so glad we're done.
I'm just exhausted...

...after all that work we had to do.

You know, I like a man
who can make a good martini...

...but I could actually go
for a cold beer right now.

- You have one or is that too blue-collar?
- Of course. Hold on.

Hello?

Hi, Mom.

No, that's because I'm at the library
studying for a marketing exam.

No, the snowstorm's not that bad,
I promise. It's, like, not even a foot.

Yeah, can I call you back
when I'm done?

Okay. Bye.

- Who's that?
- Oh, it's my boss again.

Doesn't like to take no for an answer.

Yeah, well, uh...

Hey, listen, I'm really sorry to do this,
but I am exhausted.

After the wedding and Blair missing,
it's just kind of all hitting me right now.

Oh, okay. That's probably for the best.

Maybe I'll do thatjob after all.

It was stupid of me
to turn down extra money.

I'll just put this back.

Did you find anyone for thatjob?

Live on Manhattan's Upper East Side...

... with Prince Louis Grimaldi.

What is it? Is Dorota here?

- No, it's Louis.
- Where?

As most of you know, Blair Waldorf and I
were married in a ceremony earlier today.

He must know I left Manhattan.
I told you Rufus would rat me out.

Blair has now been reported
a missing person.

At this time, we are doing
everything we can to locate her...

... but we need your help.

Blair is an extraordinary woman...

... but after a recent personal tragedy...

... and the stress surrounding
a wedding of this magnitude...

... she has not been herself.

If anyone sees her, please,
contact the authorities immediately.

I can't believe it,
they went to the press.

I thought they wanted
to avoid embarrassment.

No, this way they can spin it
so that I look crazy.

- Why not go to the press yourself?
- No. They still win.

They find me,
they find a way to stop me.

- We should go right now.
- Unh, but where?

We can't go back to the city.

Next flight is tomorrow. I'll find a hotel
and text Dorota to meet us there.

Is there a Four Seasons in Queens?

At least we know
she hasn't fled the country.

Mr. Chuck.

I was only trying them on.
I was so bored locked inside.

Thankfully, Miss Georgina a mother,
she not leave me without snacks.

- Georgina did this to you?
- She want to find Miss Blair...

...but not to worry,
I tell her wrong place.

- You know where Blair is?
- Yes, Miss Blair was at airport.

But now going to hotel,
waiting for me to bring passport.

Something about Elizabeth Taylor.

Oh, my God. Blair wants a divorce.

That is my hope.
Before I was locked in closet...

...Mr. Louis was calling and calling.

He say he want to find Miss Blair
and get her help.

Which, in romance novels,
means locking her forever in tall tower.

I need to get Miss Blair her passport,
so she can get away very fast.

I'll take it from here.

I told you it wouldn't be long.
Follow that car.

Sometimes,
when you want things done right...

... you have to rely on others
to do them for you.

Looks like we succeeded in finding Blair
by using the press.

Photos of her at the airport
are surfacing all over the Internet.

Where is she now?

She was seen leaving the airport
20 minutes ago...

...but that's the last account.

Did Eleanor give you any information?

Either she knows absolutely nothing,
or she's a talented liar.

Either way, I made it quite clear...

...that they will pay
if Blair continues this charade.

So, what do we do now?

- Is it Blair?
- No, it's from...

...Gossip Girl.

I think the hotel clerk recognized me.
Did you notice him staring?

After you lectured him about
their lack of spa amenities?

I can't believe
that in just a few short hours...

...I went from being a princess
with a private jet and a palace...

...to flying coach and hiding out in an
airport hotel room with Dan Humphrey.

What have I done to deserve this?

How about what I've done?

Like, be there for you completely
and without question...

...and you still treat me like crap.

Would it kill you to be
just the tiniest bit appreciative?

I'm not exactly having fun either.
This was supposed to be...

...the best day of my life, and it's a mess.
You don't need to be yelling at me!

I've been helping you the entire time,
and you're the one yelling!

Now I'm yelling too, but you started it.

I hope someone yells at you on your
big day so you know how it feels!

You did. The day my book
came out you blamed me...

...for creating your problems with Louis.
And you never read it.

I read the most important part.
The part that never happened.

All I've ever tried to do
is be your friend...

...but friends don't treat each other
the way you treat me.

So if you think you're better off
without me, then try it out.

Go ahead and leave. I didn't want you
in the car, I don't need you now.

- Fine.
- Fine.

- Goodbye.
- Bye.

That's not a Dorota knock.

She's a stickler for
"Shave and a Haircut."

I'm so sorry, Eleanor,
I'm sure that Blair will turn up soon.

Heh, I thought she'd be on her way
to Bali by now.

I wish she felt that she could've turned
to me if she was having second thoughts.

Not knowing where she is,
or if she's okay...

...that's the hardest part.

Blair is fine, she's with Dan.

How long have you known?

He called earlier.
I'm sorry, I wanted to tell you.

But I promised Dan
I wouldn't say anything.

There are enormous consequences
if she doesn't return.

I have to speak to her immediately.
Where is she?

- Dan?
- What are you guys doing here?

Funny, we were just about to ask you
the same thing. Where's Blair?

I'm right here. How did you find me?
You didn't tell Louis, did you?

Dorota said you needed your passport.
Dominican Republic, really?

- Are you seriously doing this?
- Louis doesn't care about me.

All he wants is to hold me hostage.

So you ran away with Humphrey
and he brought you here?

No, I was just leaving.

Wait, wait. You knew we were looking
for Blair. Why did you lie to us?

- She told me not to tell anyone.
- I didn't know you talked to her.

You do realize she falls under the term
"anyone", right?

I'm not just anyone,
I'm her best friend.

How am I the bad guy here?
She dragged me into this.

I just wanted the car.

Well, now that your real friends are here
to help you, I'm gonna leave.

Oh, oh! Group shot.

- Seriously, Georgina?
- I'm out of here.

Serena, you found my camera.

I thought it and its touching movie
of Blair and Chuck were gone for good.

Well, at the very least...

...this solves who sent in that video to
Gossip Girl and ruined Blair's marriage.

My work here is done.

And documented.

Thank you.

Lily, I wanted to tell you.

Well, no need to apologize to me,
but poor Eleanor. She's probably upset...

...because her daughter doesn't trust her
as much as Dan trusts you.

Let's hope he continues to trust me after
Eleanor shows up to drag Blair home.

Well, telling her was the right thing to do.

Hi, I'm Lola, from the catering company.
Where do you want these?

Charlotte Rhodes?

Uh, my husband and I were looking for my
niece with the same name, remember?

Oh, yeah. Hi.

- Hi.
- Did you ever find her?

- She was with her mother.
- Yeah.

I can't believe you're delivering flowers.

- Did you work the Grimaldi wedding?
- Yeah.

- Hmm, small world.
- It's a part-time gig while I'm in school.

Pays for the dorm.

- Honey, ahem.
- Oh! Yeah. Let me take those for you.

- Okay.
- Thank you.

I'm sorry to drag you here so late.

Oh, no, don't worry about it.
I need the overtime.

Actually, you saved me from something
with this guy I met at the wedding.

Oh, is everything okay?

Yeah. I broke two of my own rules.

No dating party guests, and no dating
guys named Nate, Luke or Troy.

Usually lacrosse players,
always trouble.

You don't mean Nate Archibald?

Oh, yeah. You know him?

Yes, very well.
He's actually a lovely young man.

Maybe so. All I know is
as soon as I showed interest...

...suddenly he lost any he had.
But it's fine. He's a Nate. Heh.

I'm gonna head back
and help the clean-up crew.

- It was nice seeing you again.
- You too.

It was you who sent in that video
to Gossip Girl?

And set me up to take the fall.

Um, yeah.

Yeah, fine, it was, um...

It was me who did it,
but I did it for the two of you.

You ruined my wedding for me?

I know you never believed in my pact,
but this wasn't your choice to make.

I didn't do it to hurt you, Blair.

But you choosing to run away with Dan,
knowing how I feel about him...

...and not telling me any of it,
that hurt too.

I can charter a plane, we can be
in the Dominican Republic by sunrise.

Chuck...

Blair will not be going anywhere
with anyone but my son.

Uh-oh, B. Looks like
you were right about their royal reach.

Hope your plane ticket's refundable.

Not even a day into your marriage,
and already in breach...

...of your prenuptial agreement,
with your illicit lover.

Uh, you don't know
what you're talking about.

How did you find me?
Did Rufus sell me out?

Or is one of the buttons
on my wedding dress a GPS locator?

- I wouldn't put it past you people.
- You are the princess of Monaco.

Privacy is no longer an option.

But you should be used to that by now.

Gossip Girl seems to know more
about you than your own mother.

Gossip Girl told you she was here?

- I'm not going back with you.
- I'm afraid you must.

My son awaits your return in the city.

But if you refuse to join him...

...you and your family will quite literally
pay the consequence.

Or did you forget about the dowry?

A dowry?
What century do you think this is?

If you don't recall,
the price is pretty steep.

I imagine your mother will be forced
to sell her company. So it is up to you.

Do you prefer to spend the next year
as a princess...

...or as a pauper?

I can find somewhere else
to wait for my car.

Serena, hold on.
I only lied to you to help Blair.

She was panicked and running away.
I was trying to protect her from Louis.

If you were really trying to help, you
would've told me. I could've helped too.

But you saw the chance to be her only
savior, her knight in shining armor.

I won't apologize for helping a friend.

Apparently, you're not gonna apologize
for lying to one either.

Are you really mad about Blair
or is this about us?

About what you said at the wedding,
because I haven't given you an answer?

You just did.

I'm sorry I blamed you
for releasing that video.

It's understandable.
Everyone knows I'm the obvious choice.

I'm just glad you know
it wasn't me who did it.

And now we can get out of here
and start over.

Hey. Don't worry.

I'll protect you from Louis and whatever
his mother threatens to do.

- If there's a dowry, I'll pay it.
- I can't let you buy my freedom.

If it means getting rid of them,
it's worth whatever the cost.

I'd do anything for you.

No. Not like this. L...

I made a promise and I need to keep it.

To God?

Please. You broke that promise
when you left Louis.

And look, I'm still standing.

Chuck, I need you to let me
handle this on my own.

What kind of chance do we have
if our fresh start...

...is you buying me from Louis?

When and if we end up together...

...it has to be as equals.

With nothing over our heads.
That's the only shot we have.

I can't stand the thought of you
with anyone else.

I don't care what it costs
or where we have to go.

I just wanna be with you.

Louis won't lay a hand on me,
I promise.

I'm sorry.

This is how it has to be.

If you're looking for Serena,
she's, uh, on her way back to the city.

I was looking for you.

I want to apologize.
Everything you said was right.

I could never have survived
this last month without you.

I also know you wrote those vows.

Well, you know, Louis asked me to.

I just tried to write down what I assumed
he would love about you.

Well, you did a greatjob.

It's pretty obvious you care
way more about me than Louis.

As a friend, of course.

Of course.

And I care about you too.

Even if I have odd ways of showing it,
like bossing you around...

...or making fun of your hair.

Seriously, you should cut it already.

Thank you for helping me.

And I really am sorry
for maxing out your credit card...

...and not reading your book.

Listen, you have much bigger problems
to deal with.

Speaking of, what now?

I know what I have to do.

But I just need to know
that you'll be there for me.

Always.

I was hoping I'd find you back here.

- How did you...?
- Lily called me.

She said I might owe you an explanation
for ending our date.

It wasn't a date. And you don't.

Well, I think I do. Truth is,
I have a history with girls who lie.

And you seemed really honest
and straightforward, which I liked...

...but then I overheard a conversation
with your mom, and, uh...

My mom.

Where to begin?

Well, to start,
she's insanely overprotective.

She never wanted me
to be an actress...

...and said that New York
would destroy my soul.

So I lie and tell her
that I'm at Michigan State.

Poli-sci major.

I love her, but I'm doing it to protect her.
And myself. I don't know.

Family can be tricky.

I know. I went through this huge thing
with my grandfather and cousin...

...and suddenly I'm left
with no family at all, so I can relate.

Although, my cousin did try
and have me killed...

...so maybe our situations
are slightly different.

But I'm sorry,
I should've asked you earlier.

How about a do-over?

Well, if I'm being honest, um...

...it's really fun to hear about your world,
but I don't know if I wanna be in it.

No, I understand.
So, uh, thank you for being honest.

There you are.
I've been looking for your mother.

- She isn't here.
- Well, I'll have to just tell you.

I know where Blair is.

And I have no intention of sharing that
information with any of the Grimaldis.

In fact, when I see her,
I am going to tell her...

...I don't care what I have to sell...

...I want her to stay
as far away from you as possible.

In fact, for future reference,
the Waldorfs do not give in to threats.

Your family can not control mine.

Yes, they can.

Louis...

...I'm ready to go
on our honeymoon now.

My bags are in the car downstairs.

Blair, you do not have to do this.
You do not have to go with him.

Yes, I do.
I heard what you said, Mother.

But I don't believe in saving myself
and ruining our family at the same time.

It's just a year.

It's not that long, right?

Sweetie.

Is everything okay?

Fine.

Thank you for bringing that up.

And for everything else.

Well, I meant what I said.
Whatever you need, I'm here for you.

We need to go.

Princess Blair, over here. Big smile.

Turn around.

Don't look so sad, B.
At least your prison is a palace.

Wait, you're posting
a video of Blair with Louis?

What about the photo
of everyone at the hotel?

Isn't that the scoop
you were looking for?

No. That photo has been rendered
irrelevant due to the fact...

...that Blair and Louis are together
right now leaving for their honeymoon.

But tomorrow's another day.
You forget, I know who sent the video...

...of Blair and Chuck to Gossip Girl
in the first place.

But you can't reveal your source.
Everyone would stop sending tips.

Oh, darling, of course they would, which
is why I have something else planned.

My dear, sweet Philip.

Since Gossip Girl abandoned her post
after Blair's accident...

...it's been my civic duty to step in
and continue her important work.

It's a dirty job,
but someone's gotta do it.

The world needs Gossip Girl.

I'm gonna grab a water.

Why did she choose him?
I would've done anything for her.

I know. You shouldn't have sent
that video to Gossip Girl.

- Don't you mean you shouldn't have?
- Come on, Chuck...

...you can stop pretending now.
I found the camera where you left it...

...in the bridal chamber,
and put it in my purse.

I figured it was worth lying
and saying that I did it...

...if you two could be together again.

I wasn't lying. I didn't do it.

But if you didn't do it and I didn't,
then who did?

Some secrets I'll never tell.

But most secrets make
for excellent blackmail material.

That's how it goes
on the Upper East Side.

XOXO, Gossip Girl.