Gossip Girl (2007–2012): Season 2, Episode 7 - Chuck in Real Life - full transcript
Vanessa begins her own slide on a dark path when she tries to blackmail Blair into being a nicer person, with the photos she took of Catherine and Marcus. Blair then seeks revenge by ...
Gossip Girl here,
your one and only source...
...into the scandalous lives...
...of Manhattan's elite.
- Gossip Girl was right. I'm gay.
Every time Mom brought home
someone they'd end up married.
I'm not ashamed. I may have concealed
things in the past, but not anymore.
The bad news is Catherine is a lying
whore who's sleeping with her stepson.
The good news is
I got them to leave.
Why do you care for Humphrey?
He's nothing.
I think he's pretty cool.
The only person with fewer friends
than you is Dan Humphrey.
Because he's something
you'll never be, a human being.
Where has she been?
And who am I?
That's one secret I'll never tell.
You know you love me. XOXO...
...Gossip Girl.
There's nothing quite like
autumn in New York.
But it's not only the leaves
that change.
Something in the air brings out
the true colors in everyone.
Why are you all so quiet?
Good morning.
Bart. You're back early.
My meeting wrapped up sooner
than expected.
Rushing home to the family.
How long is this layover?
Didn't Lily tell you?
I'm here for the long haul.
Just in time for our housewarming
party tomorrow night.
I've been meaning to ask you,
can we bring friends?
Of course, dear. Oh, did you get the
little suit that I laid out for you, Serena?
That was for me? I thought
the housekeepers got new uniforms.
It's conservative,
yes, but classic.
Bart brought it from Paris.
It had its own seat on his plane.
- Bart bought me a suit?
- New watch.
Cash. Direct deposit into
one of my offshore accounts.
Now that we are all here...
...Lily and I have something
we wanna discuss.
As tomorrow's party
marks our debut as a family...
...we've been talking about
what that actually means.
Less money for me when you die?
We were thinking
along the lines of guidelines.
Guidelines? For what?
For life together. I mean,
now that we're all here...
...having rules would be nice.
- Like what?
- Like, every Friday we dine as a family.
- Don't you think Monday would be...
- A weekend curfew of 1:00 a.m.
- Is that Eastern or Pacific?
- No going out on school nights.
- Are you serious?
- All right.
- Where is this coming from?
Bart and me, we made the decision.
We are in complete agreement on this.
Yeah, I'm sure.
Medicine cabinet, bedside table,
underwear drawer?
- Borderline solicitation, V, and creepy.
- It wouldn't be if you read the flyer.
Saving Dutch Schultz's
favorite speakeasy?
The owner died, didn't he?
Which is why the building
is up for auction.
If we don't stop the sale,
it won't be long...
...before a developer turns
it into a Le Pain Quotidien...
Oh, I like Le Pain...
We're doing a petition
for landmark status.
Which you signed, and Dad signed,
and Mom signed...
...and... And Eleanor Waldorf.
How about I hand out flyers
to the guilty rich?
I don't think there's any at my school.
Maybe one of their mommies or daddies
is looking for their next cause.
Who's bag is that?
That's a soccer ball.
Yeah, half the soccer team at St. Jude's
got mono from Lauren Goldenberg.
So I guess their only other option
was to ask me to try out.
Wait, they asked you?
Yeah, well, Nate did.
I'm now an alternate.
I'm also really, really late.
- You with me?
- Yeah.
Well, good luck with the guiltless rich.
What's next, no TV
until after your homework?
It's just a few rules, Serena. Who
watches TV on a TV anymore anyway?
It's not about the rules,
Eric. It's about Mom.
When it's the three of us it's fine,
but she gets a guy...
...she Stepford's out and
lets him make decisions.
- I don't think that's...
- We had to move to Chamonix...
...because German Klaus
wanted to ski all year-round.
- That wasn't so bad.
- What about Paolo...
...the raw-food diet family colonics?
Or Sameer? I know I enjoyed
our conversion to Islam.
- I see what you mean.
- Look.
Mom can let these guys
choose her life...
...but they shouldn't choose ours.
- It seems different this time.
She seems serious about making
the family thing work with Bart.
- We could at least try, right?
- Fine.
But the second he calls the shots,
gloves come off and the nails come out.
- I just mixed metaphors, didn't I?
- Yeah, but it kind of worked.
- Coach was impressed with your tryouts.
- Really?
Yeah. Thanks for subbing in.
Save your thanks until after
you've seen me. It's gonna be...
- Humphrey, never a pleasure.
- Good, we agree on something.
Archibald, isn't it about time
you ended this bromance?
- What happens at Yale stays at Yale.
- Hey, man, let's go.
Poor Chuck. What is life
without a friend to share it?
Oh, looks like you just lost yours
to Dan Humphrey.
Who cares?
I'd rather talk about
who you lost yours to anyway.
Uh-uh. Been there, done that.
Been decontaminated.
We both know you'll do it again.
It's a question of when.
- The answer is never.
- We're inevitable, Waldorf.
Despite whatever vestigial attraction
my body may feel for you...
...my brain knows better,
and yours should too.
I gotta go. I got a disciplinary hearing.
Well, I knew you were trouble,
but a hearing? Impressive.
Oh, it's not for me.
Kelsey, Kelsey, Kelsey,
how many times must we tell you?
As one of the girls of the steps,
you represent Constance royalty.
It should come as no surprise that many
girls before you have gotten the ax...
...when their choices
reflected poorly on us.
- I didn't realize.
- That tights are not pants?
- Honestly.
- Blair, you got a minute?
Sixty seconds, clock it.
What are you doing here with those?
- Shouldn't you be at Whole Foods?
- As much as I hate these words...
...I could really use your help with this.
- Oh, saving a teardown.
Charity is for diseases
and endangered species.
Real estate is not on the list,
at least not in New York.
- I can make you help me, you know.
- Oh, makes jokes too.
Everyone knows that you and Marcus
broke up, but no one knows why.
Even you wouldn't stoop that low.
Blackmail seems to work so well
for you, so maybe I'm missing out.
Now that we've established that
I own you, you have six hours...
...to get a thousand signatures,
and make sure they're legible.
Have fun.
Well, well, look who's playing
by the rules...
...and it's not even a school night.
- Eric convinced me. What about you?
I'm on my way out to a house call.
Gross. Well, as long as
you're home by 1:00.
Naive Serena.
Don't you know
Bart and Lil's list of rules...
...doesn't apply to me?
- What are you talking about?
According to my sources, the real
reason my father flew back early...
...is to court some executives
in town from the Midwest.
The problem is
they won't do business...
...with anyone who doesn't
share their family values.
So Bart is making sure we do.
- Or appear to.
- Wait, all this so he can close a deal?
I do my best work off the radar.
But while you're on Page Six
with the Poppy Liftons...
...you're the bigger threat
to Bart's business.
Good night, sis.
I hope your book is captivating.
Hi, Bart. We missed you
at family dinner. Maybe next time.
Where do you think you're going?
And in that dress?
Oh, the girls and I thought
we'd hit up 1 Oak...
...then maybe Bijoux, and I don't know,
anywhere we can find some paparazzi.
I'm in the mood for
a little show tonight.
Oh, I forgot to put on underwear.
- Waving a white flag, are we?
- Not exactly.
I have a proposition for you.
I'll say yes.
That little troll Vanessa
is working my last nerve.
- Not what I expected.
- And then I realized...
...this could benefit both of us.
- You had me until "troll."
Dan stole your best friend.
Now, you can steal his.
- Seduce and destroy.
- What's in it for me?
The thrill of the impossible.
The only person Vanessa
loathes more than me, is you.
It would be one for the ages.
Maybe you're not up for it.
If memory serves, you've had
some mechanical problems.
I'll just imagine she's you.
This just in: Blair Waldorf
and Chuck Bass...
...placing a wager on
the takedown of Lonely Boy's BFF.
We think we've heard
this story before...
...and we're pretty sure
it ended up with everyone dead.
What did Lily have to say
about last night's curfew flaunting?
I snuck out
before she could corner me.
Let them discipline the sibling
that deserves it.
You mean Chuck?
- What?
- You smiled.
No, I didn't. I hate Chuck.
Don't make me lose my appetite.
Oh, hey, is that Eric?
- Hey, Larissa said you'd be here.
- Hey.
And we are. Who's this?
Jonathan, this is my sister, Serena,
and her friend Blair Waldorf.
- This is Jonathan, my boyfriend.
- It's nice to meet you both.
- Nice work, E.
- Oh, my gosh.
Hi, so nice to meet you.
Sit down, both of you.
I invited him to tonight.
I thought you should meet.
- Yeah, I met Chuck the other day.
- Chuck? Hear that, Blair?
- Chuck?
- Ignore her. She's dehydrated.
- Did I miss something?
- No, but we did.
The story of how you two met.
We wanna know.
So then the ball came to me,
so I kicked it to this guy...
...and he kicked it to a guy,
and he kicked it to a guy...
...and then that guy scored...
...so it's basically an assist.
- Wow.
Yeah, it was awesome.
It was pretty amazing.
It's so weird you're on a team now.
Soon you're gonna have guy friends.
What are you talking about,
I have guy friends.
Dan, I know that
you're Mr. Soccer now...
...but you and I both know
you prefer to hang out with girls.
Vanessa. Serena, once upon a time.
- It's nothing to be ashamed of.
- It's untrue.
Dad, will you please tell Jenny
that I have guy friends?
- Of course he does. I'm his...
- No, not including you.
- Cedric?
- Not including dolls.
Okay, watch and learn.
Nate. Hey, man, it's Humphrey. Dan.
Good, good. Hey, listen, you wanna
hook up for some soccer later?
You're by the park, right? Noon, yeah.
Sweet, bro. All right, love it. Bye.
Apparently,
we're gonna play soccer later.
- No big.
- Is Cedric invited?
Jenny. Come on.
- Thank you, Dad.
- You know Cedric would get dirty.
Then Dan would have to bathe him.
All right, I'll see you two later.
I got my boy waiting for me.
Great turnout, V. I got a good feeling.
Let's hope so, Horace.
Here come the sharks.
- What the hell are you doing?
- You have to ask?
I'm here because of you.
Thank you for introducing me to
this unique business opportunity.
No, you are not buying this place
to turn it into a yuppie fusion bar.
For your information,
since I bought Victrola...
...Bass Industries has expanded
into vintage entertainment.
- We're willing to work with you.
- We're petitioning for landmark status.
Why don't you have a bake sale?
In the real world, we are your only hope.
Endorse our bid, and we promise to
return this place to its sweet sordidness.
It sounds perfect.
Just one problem, I know you.
- Or do you only think you do?
- Get out of here, rich boy.
I didn't think that suit could
get any worse. I was wrong.
Oh, Serena, wait a minute.
Would you excuse us, please?
Thank you.
- So, what's my punishment?
- Don't be childish.
You're treating me like one.
Isn't that who curfews are for?
You're living up to our expectations.
According to Bart, you went out...
...Iooking like a stripper.
If you have a problem...
...then just say so.
But to simply defy us...
- Not you. Him.
- Bart and I are husband and wife.
But he's not our father.
Come on, Mom.
Things were so good last year.
We were almost like a real family.
Why change that?
Serena, you're making this much
more complicated than it really is.
And going by your actions last night...
...I think that you could benefit
from a little structure.
If I thought this was you talking,
I might listen.
If this is how you're acting now, I should
have insisted on structure years ago.
You mean, like, three husbands ago?
That was unkind.
I'm not really in the family mood.
I think I'm gonna pass
on tonight's little soiree.
Nate?
Hey, man.
Oh, right, yeah,
we're meeting at the park. Yeah.
No, no, no, I just... I got tied up.
Yeah, I'll see you in 10.
Okay.
Whoever said you can't have it all...
...must have known the Archibalds.
Looks like poor little Nate
is, yuck... poor.
Mr. Chuck to see you, Miss Blair.
Dorota, who?
- Excuse me, don't you...
- Deal's off.
- What? What are you talking about?
- I'm out.
Don't know what I was thinking.
Pretending to buy some
broken-down bar.
But you promised to seduce Vanessa.
She needs to be destroyed.
Humphrey doesn't warrant this.
The great Chuck Bass
is just gonna give up?
No, no. There's no shame
if the prize isn't worth it.
You can do your own dirty work.
There's not enough in it for me.
- Well, what if I made it worth it?
- What are you talking about?
- I think you know.
- You're not serious?
My, my, that girl has
gotten under your skin.
The question is, Bass, will you?
Aren't you the least bit worried
I'll succeed?
Do we have an agreement?
Careful, B. One thing
about making a deal with the devil...
Oh, we have a deal.
...he always comes to collect.
After you left, your lawyer came
and showed us your proposal...
...which did indeed include
keeping everything as is...
...and lobbying for landmark status.
I was telling the truth.
I'm sure you've done something
to deserve getting beaned by a beverage.
Isn't it possible there are parts of me
you don't know?
- Possible, just extremely unlikely.
- Did you have a reason for coming here?
Because if it was to insult me,
there's a website you can go to.
The manager
wants to meet you.
If he signs off, you have our support,
but it still doesn't mean I trust you.
Of course not.
Now...
...I'd best go put on
something special.
I don't know how she
expects me to take this seriously.
- Her record stands at 16 months.
- Which husband was that?
- Klaus.
- The one who wore the wooden shoes?
- Zip.
- No, that was Danish Claus, with a C.
This is German Klaus, with a K.
- I forget, did she marry both?
- No, just German Klaus.
- But she did date Danish Claus longer.
- Your mother.
Remember how she used to just jet off
to Mustique or Ibiza without warning...
...while you were still in school?
Eleanor always knew when we
showed up with our bags.
Lily had a new boyfriend.
We alternated you and the Archibalds
so you never knew how bad it was.
We knew.
But Bart is the worst.
He's controlling and a hypocrite.
He acts like he's family friendly when
he's dated half the models in Manhattan.
B, you look gorgeous.
Where'd you get that dress?
Oh, this? Just Chuck.
- When did Chuck give you a dress?
- When we were going to Europe.
And you're wearing it tonight?
It's just that it would be a shame
to waste it, that's all.
You gotta teach me
that bouncing off the knees thing.
I tried it once
and broke my dad's Gibson.
It's very scarring
to see your father cry.
I actually wouldn't know.
My father, not big on showing emotion.
So I'm guessing you're not going to
the housewarming.
No, especially since this is the
first I'm hearing of it.
So you and Serena like...
Well, to say things ended badly
would be an understatement.
You going?
No, think I'm just gonna stay at home,
chill out, watch a movie, you know?
Sounds good.
I'd invite you over,
but the house is a mess.
- Oh, yeah. No.
- Housekeeper has the week off, so...
Is your mom there?
Not that she cleans things.
You know, I don't know.
All that stuff with your dad...
It's... My mom's staying
out in the Hamptons.
So I told her I was staying at Chuck's...
...just so she doesn't worry
about stuff, you know?
- I'm gonna get a drink. Want something?
- Sure, thanks.
Cool.
- What is it?
- Nothing.
- I like it.
- This our guy?
- Horace Rogers, Chuck Bass.
- Pleasure.
Man, come here.
Look at that outfit.
Didn't know it could be worse
than the one this morning.
Kidding. I know Savile Row
when I see it.
- Joe Kennedy taught me.
- You knew Joe Kennedy?
Used to come here all the time.
Had a girl up the street.
I was 9 years old,
selling papers out front.
Rumor has it he kept this place in
booze during Prohibition.
- You like old Joe?
- Rum-runner, womanizer, millionaire.
He was my kind of guy.
They all used to come here back in
the day. Gangsters, fighters, musicians.
Dangerous folks, no doubt,
but they had style.
Something tells me you'd fit right in.
That's possibly the nicest thing
anyone's ever said to me.
- Are you're sure he's living there?
- Squatting, I think, would be correct.
There's just a sleeping bag
and a bunch of shirts.
- Why isn't he staying with Chuck?
- Obviously, Dan, he's embarrassed.
Look, invite him for dinner tonight.
Dad's making chili.
Then once he's here,
we can convince him to stay.
Okay, but don't mention anything
to Dad.
He'll probably handcuff him to the couch
or say something stupid.
I'll see you.
That was Jenny, and it turns out
my dad's making his once-a-year chili.
Attendance is mandatory for me
and whoever I'm with.
- Deeply sorry, but this year, that's you.
- Well, guess I don't have a choice then.
You don't.
Scattergories will be involved.
- Scattergories. Been a while.
- Be prepared.
Hey, Jonathan. You visiting Eric?
He's not here.
I was just dropping off some books.
- Have fun.
- Not coming?
No, Eric talked to your stepfather,
and apparently it's family-only.
- Bart said that?
- It's no big deal.
I'll see you later.
Well, you won Horace over.
He trusts me.
You're really serious, aren't you?
You're gonna save this place.
Yeah, guess I am.
I knew it would take a miracle,
but I never thought it'd be Chuck Bass.
- I was wrong about you, and I'm sorry.
- Thanks. Means a lot.
Vanessa, there's something...
At the conclusion of a deal,
I like to celebrate.
My parents are having a housewarming
tonight. I'd like you to come.
- Yeah, okay.
- Good. I'll send the car at 8.
Richard Phillips, this is Ariel Foxman
and Honor Brodie, from InStyle.
Everything here that you see is thanks to
them, except for this gorgeous painting.
Which Richard did.
- Will you just excuse us for one...?
- I'll take care of it, Lily.
Excuse me.
Serena.
The suit looks lovely. Glad you
changed your mind, decided to join us.
- Can I introduce you to some people?
- No, I'm waiting on some friends.
- We are allowed to bring friends, right?
- Sure.
Bart, just curious, does Mom know you
told Eric he couldn't bring his boyfriend?
I told Eric no such thing.
We discussed it,
and the decision was his.
Really?
The 15-year-old and the billionaire?
Sounds like a discussion between equals.
I hope over time you'll see
I want what's best for this family.
In the meantime, I suggest
you talk with your brother.
- Good evening, Chuck.
- Blair.
Do I get a progress report?
Does Vanessa still think you're buying
that beer hall?
- I am buying it. It's a good investment.
- You're kidding.
Fine, but you're still
gonna crush her, right?
- We made a deal, remember?
- Yes. Excuse me.
Some housewarming.
Good thing I didn't bring a casserole.
- Can I get you a drink?
- Chuck, I'd like to speak with you. Now.
I'll be back in a moment.
Jenny, I still can't believe you
dropped out to become a designer.
I know. It's incredible how supportive
my dad's been.
- She means difficult to believe.
- What about you, Nate?
- How's everything? It's been tough.
- Yeah, it has, but we're getting by.
Just you and your mom now?
I've seen Nate do that
knee-bounce thing with the soccer ball.
And it's amazing.
My mom's at our Hamptons house, but I
still have school, so I gotta stick around.
- By yourself? Isn't that kind of Ionely?
- I guess, but I mean, I grew up there.
You know, it's where
all the memories are.
- Do you know what this is about?
- Show me Lily's Poliform kitchen?
I love what it does with the doors.
Did you think I wasn't gonna find out
my company was buying a bar?
It wasn't a secret.
I just wanted to make sure
I had everything in place.
- Did you read the proposal?
- Why would I do that?
Because. The tax break will be huge.
Saving a landmark
buys us amazing PR...
...engenders goodwill in the community
paving the way for future investment.
Plus it's a great place.
Let me take you there, show you around.
I'll make you a believer, I promise.
I believe that you've betrayed
my trust and wasted my time.
This is a good move for Bass Industries.
I stand behind it.
Really? Chuck Bass stands behind it?
What's that worth?
I gave people my word.
They're counting on me.
Well, luckily, letting people down
is your forte.
Oh, man, this has been great,
but look, I should go. I'm tired, so...
What about Scattergories?
Can't believe I used Scattergories
as an enticement.
Next time.
You sure you just
don't wanna crash on the couch?
- No, it's cool.
- Look...
...I know about how you're living.
- At home.
- Excuse me? What?
It was a mistake. Thought we were
supposed to meet at your place.
I saw the notice.
So you broke into my home?
I mean, there wasn't really
much to break into.
- You know, Jenny and I wanna help you.
- Jenny knows too?
Suddenly, I'm the Humphrey family's
favorite charity?
- It's not like that.
- Tell your dad thank you...
...and that I had to leave.
Dan, we hang out at Yale.
We played soccer once. So what?
Just stay out of it.
Hey. I overheard the end
of that conversation...
...and I'm sorry.
I don't know your dad, but from what
I saw today, you deserve better.
You say that,
but you don't really know me.
My father, on the other hand,
has a lifetime of experience.
The man makes some good points.
Stay.
Please.
Bart told me I could bring Jonathan...
...but he told me
there would be press here...
...and did I really wanna come out
in a national magazine?
- He's worried about his own image.
- I don't think so.
I think he's trying to protect me.
Why are you so against him?
- I don't know.
- Excuse me, Serena, Eric?
Would you mind if our reporter
asked a few questions?
- Honestly?
- Sure.
So your mom told me
how close-knit your family is.
Is there a particular memory
that stands out?
- A birthday or Christmas?
- She said what?
Excuse me. I just need
to borrow Serena.
- You said we were close-knit?
- I'll bring her back.
And I'll tell you all about the time
that we had in Mustique.
- It was such fun.
- You mean you and Constantine?
Or did you forget the way you forgot to
say goodbye to me every time you left?
Serena, don't do this.
If you have issues with Bart, fine,
but don't sabotage this.
What? I'm not doing anything.
We were just sharing memories
of what a close family we are.
I remember this one time,
when I was 11...
...Eric and I wanted a white Christmas.
Luckily, Mom's husband...
...was a raging cokehead,
so he left blow everywhere.
- Oh, my God.
- It wasn't everywhere.
Just on the smooth, shiny surfaces.
Was that German Klaus with a K
or Danish Claus with a C?
I can't ever remember
which ones she married...
...or which she just decided
were more important than her children.
You know, I was wrong.
It's not Bart at all. It's you.
Looks like the Bass
housewarming party just got a little colder.
Serena's walk down memory lane
has her heading out the door.
Bet's off.
- But the game's not over.
- I'm calling it on account of boredom.
Vanessa's not worth playing with.
Maybe she is, maybe she isn't.
- Why the sudden change of heart?
- Like I said, the whole thing is dull.
Pursuing Vanessa is beneath us both.
You think I'm going for the kill.
Worried you're gonna have to
go through with what you promised.
- I'm not worried. About that.
- Well, then what?
Then nothing. Just forget it.
I can't believe Serena did that.
In front of everyone,
that reporter, all of these people.
Eric, my darling,
you are always honest with me.
It isn't true, is it?
I know Serena's timing sucked.
But she did pretty much raise me
all those years.
- You just weren't here, you know?
- I wasn't that bad.
Our ring tone for you
was "Since U Been Gone."
Vanya the doorman used to sign
our permission slips from school.
Well, there was a lot going on
in my life.
And I did the best I could.
Just like I'm doing now.
But now it's like you want us to go
from zero to Brady in 60 seconds.
We're not there yet.
I know, but I just thought...
You don't become a family
just by telling people you are.
You become a family
because you wanna be one.
I think mine's carbonated. Yours?
You're still upset.
Well, like I said,
I tried to help and he bailed.
So, you know, if he doesn't want
my help then that's fine.
Being a friend means
giving someone...
...something they need
even when they can't ask for it. You did.
Right, I did that.
Also not giving up on them
when they say no thank you.
I didn't do that. I'm not doing that.
He wants to be alone.
His choice. Good luck.
Well, from what you told me,
this thing is pretty intense.
I don't know if he has anyone else
in his life looking out for him right now.
You really wanna be a friend,
you need to be that person.
I know I left my bag with my coat.
Could you check again.
No need.
Don't tell me
you took my purse by mistake.
Hardly. But then it wasn't
your bag I was after.
Don't you know never to leave
anything valuable unattended?
Oh, and I took the liberty
of increasing your storage space.
What did you do?
Marcus and Catherine are free to live
their sick little lives in peace, as am I.
Now that you have nothing on me,
you're done here.
Except one more thing.
You may think
you've discovered the hidden Chuck...
...but you should know he has
no real feelings for you whatsoever.
It was all a little bet we made
to see just how gullible you could be.
I don't believe you.
It was simple, really.
Chuck wanted to get Dan,
and I wanted to get you.
Chuck had his dad's company
make an offer...
...on the Brooklyn Inn
in order to get back at Dan?
Isn't that a little convoluted,
even for the two of you?
Real estate was just foreplay.
Seducing and humiliating you
was the ultimate goal.
Chuck didn't hit on me once.
Maybe what's going on is
you can't stand that he might actually...
...be a good person
when not around you.
- I seriously doubt that.
- What are you doing, Blair?
Tying up some loose ends.
Telling Vanessa that she doesn't mean
anything to you.
We were playing chess...
...she was another piece
you needed to knock over...
...on your way to take the queen.
Do you disagree?
Guess I should have known.
- Good boy.
- What the hell was the point of that?
You may not have seduced her,
but she seems pretty humiliated to me.
What are you saying?
I'm saying I lost, you won.
I'll be waiting in my room in one hour.
Come claim your prize.
Poor Chuck Bass.
You made your bet,
now you have to lie in it.
Dan? Is that you?
- Are you talking to me?
- You're the only person here.
Right. But that's never
stopped you before.
- I deserved that.
- I haven't started yet.
Fine. Sit. Pile it on.
My night couldn't get any worse.
Coming to rub my nose in it?
Falling for your line of bull?
Talked to Vanessa already.
I know you have no reason
to trust me.
You ain't gonna be able
to give me one so you might as well go.
Look, I don't care
what you think about me.
I'm not giving up.
I'm gonna save this place.
Try saving yourself first, kid.
I like to think I know people,
but I was wrong about you.
So what are you doing
at Nate's, anyway?
Well, Nate and I are friends.
At least I hope we are.
What about you?
I just had to get out of my house
and talk to someone.
Blair is busy, Chuck is Chuck.
The only person I really wanted to talk to
I can't anymore. So I came here.
Pretend I'm Nate.
What?
Pretend I'm... Well, look,
he pretended to be me so it's only fair.
Really?
Well, my mom hosted this big party.
It was supposed to be
about our new family...
...but turns out, of course,
it was for publicity.
So I blew up at her
in front of everyone.
This whole time I was thinking
that Bart was the problem...
...but I realized it's all her.
You ever think your mom
acts like she's perfect...
...because she's too ashamed
to acknowledge...
...how far from it she's really been?
I thought you were pretending
to be Nate?
Kidding.
I'm sorry.
Do you not think I'm right?
No, I mean, I'm sorry,
about everything.
I am too.
They must have had me chipped
while I was sleeping.
- Hi, Mr. Bass.
- Hello, Daniel.
Eric said you might be here.
- I'd like to take you home, Serena.
- I should probably go.
Test out
some of those theories of yours.
See if they hold up.
I'm really glad you're Nate's friend.
He really needs someone like you
right now.
Hey. Where is everyone?
Well, the party wasn't the same
after you left.
Actually, I think it might've even stopped
while you were still here.
I owe you an apology.
No, I'm the one who said things
I shouldn't have.
No, not about that.
About the 17 years that I wasn't here.
And I did put the men in my life
before you guys.
Well, it wasn't all bad.
There was a brief period
between Clauses.
Don't forget that weekend
with Sarkozy.
He made us go to Euro Disney.
I'm sorry I embarrassed you
in front of a national magazine.
And I'm sorry I acted the way I did.
Apology accepted.
Well, our family is our family.
That's just who we are.
And I shouldn't care
who knows about it. And I don't.
Just like the seasons,
people have the ability to change.
It doesn't happen very often, but
when it does, it's almost always right.
You killed the story, didn't you?
I already put out the hit.
Sometimes it takes what's
broken becoming whole again.
- R.
- What happened?
Sometimes it takes opening
up to new people and letting them in.
Hope you don't mind,
but we've got a lodger.
- I'll make up the sofa?
- I'll get ice cream.
And I'll get the guitar
and the Songs of the '80s fake book.
I'm thinking Wham!
Almost forgot, make yourself at home.
But most times
it takes just one person...
...who is truly afraid
to show what they feel...
...getting an opportunity
they never thought possible.
What took you so long?
If you thought that was long,
you have no idea what you're in for.
Say it.
Say what? I'll say anything.
Say those three words
you wanted me to say.
- Are you kidding?
- Not quite.
Eight letters.
Three syllables.
Say them and I'm yours.
But I'm already yours, and you're
ruining the mood with all this talk.
You can't say it?
- You wanted it from me.
- I'm prepared to settle.
Maybe I'm not.
Chuck Bass.
I...
...will never say those words to you.
Then you will never have me.
Is this because of Vanessa?
It was a game, Chuck. That's it.
Maybe I wanna raise the stakes.
You ready to play that game?
I chased you for long enough.
Now it's time you chased me.
And some things never change.
Let a new game begin.
XOXO, Gossip Girl.
your one and only source...
...into the scandalous lives...
...of Manhattan's elite.
- Gossip Girl was right. I'm gay.
Every time Mom brought home
someone they'd end up married.
I'm not ashamed. I may have concealed
things in the past, but not anymore.
The bad news is Catherine is a lying
whore who's sleeping with her stepson.
The good news is
I got them to leave.
Why do you care for Humphrey?
He's nothing.
I think he's pretty cool.
The only person with fewer friends
than you is Dan Humphrey.
Because he's something
you'll never be, a human being.
Where has she been?
And who am I?
That's one secret I'll never tell.
You know you love me. XOXO...
...Gossip Girl.
There's nothing quite like
autumn in New York.
But it's not only the leaves
that change.
Something in the air brings out
the true colors in everyone.
Why are you all so quiet?
Good morning.
Bart. You're back early.
My meeting wrapped up sooner
than expected.
Rushing home to the family.
How long is this layover?
Didn't Lily tell you?
I'm here for the long haul.
Just in time for our housewarming
party tomorrow night.
I've been meaning to ask you,
can we bring friends?
Of course, dear. Oh, did you get the
little suit that I laid out for you, Serena?
That was for me? I thought
the housekeepers got new uniforms.
It's conservative,
yes, but classic.
Bart brought it from Paris.
It had its own seat on his plane.
- Bart bought me a suit?
- New watch.
Cash. Direct deposit into
one of my offshore accounts.
Now that we are all here...
...Lily and I have something
we wanna discuss.
As tomorrow's party
marks our debut as a family...
...we've been talking about
what that actually means.
Less money for me when you die?
We were thinking
along the lines of guidelines.
Guidelines? For what?
For life together. I mean,
now that we're all here...
...having rules would be nice.
- Like what?
- Like, every Friday we dine as a family.
- Don't you think Monday would be...
- A weekend curfew of 1:00 a.m.
- Is that Eastern or Pacific?
- No going out on school nights.
- Are you serious?
- All right.
- Where is this coming from?
Bart and me, we made the decision.
We are in complete agreement on this.
Yeah, I'm sure.
Medicine cabinet, bedside table,
underwear drawer?
- Borderline solicitation, V, and creepy.
- It wouldn't be if you read the flyer.
Saving Dutch Schultz's
favorite speakeasy?
The owner died, didn't he?
Which is why the building
is up for auction.
If we don't stop the sale,
it won't be long...
...before a developer turns
it into a Le Pain Quotidien...
Oh, I like Le Pain...
We're doing a petition
for landmark status.
Which you signed, and Dad signed,
and Mom signed...
...and... And Eleanor Waldorf.
How about I hand out flyers
to the guilty rich?
I don't think there's any at my school.
Maybe one of their mommies or daddies
is looking for their next cause.
Who's bag is that?
That's a soccer ball.
Yeah, half the soccer team at St. Jude's
got mono from Lauren Goldenberg.
So I guess their only other option
was to ask me to try out.
Wait, they asked you?
Yeah, well, Nate did.
I'm now an alternate.
I'm also really, really late.
- You with me?
- Yeah.
Well, good luck with the guiltless rich.
What's next, no TV
until after your homework?
It's just a few rules, Serena. Who
watches TV on a TV anymore anyway?
It's not about the rules,
Eric. It's about Mom.
When it's the three of us it's fine,
but she gets a guy...
...she Stepford's out and
lets him make decisions.
- I don't think that's...
- We had to move to Chamonix...
...because German Klaus
wanted to ski all year-round.
- That wasn't so bad.
- What about Paolo...
...the raw-food diet family colonics?
Or Sameer? I know I enjoyed
our conversion to Islam.
- I see what you mean.
- Look.
Mom can let these guys
choose her life...
...but they shouldn't choose ours.
- It seems different this time.
She seems serious about making
the family thing work with Bart.
- We could at least try, right?
- Fine.
But the second he calls the shots,
gloves come off and the nails come out.
- I just mixed metaphors, didn't I?
- Yeah, but it kind of worked.
- Coach was impressed with your tryouts.
- Really?
Yeah. Thanks for subbing in.
Save your thanks until after
you've seen me. It's gonna be...
- Humphrey, never a pleasure.
- Good, we agree on something.
Archibald, isn't it about time
you ended this bromance?
- What happens at Yale stays at Yale.
- Hey, man, let's go.
Poor Chuck. What is life
without a friend to share it?
Oh, looks like you just lost yours
to Dan Humphrey.
Who cares?
I'd rather talk about
who you lost yours to anyway.
Uh-uh. Been there, done that.
Been decontaminated.
We both know you'll do it again.
It's a question of when.
- The answer is never.
- We're inevitable, Waldorf.
Despite whatever vestigial attraction
my body may feel for you...
...my brain knows better,
and yours should too.
I gotta go. I got a disciplinary hearing.
Well, I knew you were trouble,
but a hearing? Impressive.
Oh, it's not for me.
Kelsey, Kelsey, Kelsey,
how many times must we tell you?
As one of the girls of the steps,
you represent Constance royalty.
It should come as no surprise that many
girls before you have gotten the ax...
...when their choices
reflected poorly on us.
- I didn't realize.
- That tights are not pants?
- Honestly.
- Blair, you got a minute?
Sixty seconds, clock it.
What are you doing here with those?
- Shouldn't you be at Whole Foods?
- As much as I hate these words...
...I could really use your help with this.
- Oh, saving a teardown.
Charity is for diseases
and endangered species.
Real estate is not on the list,
at least not in New York.
- I can make you help me, you know.
- Oh, makes jokes too.
Everyone knows that you and Marcus
broke up, but no one knows why.
Even you wouldn't stoop that low.
Blackmail seems to work so well
for you, so maybe I'm missing out.
Now that we've established that
I own you, you have six hours...
...to get a thousand signatures,
and make sure they're legible.
Have fun.
Well, well, look who's playing
by the rules...
...and it's not even a school night.
- Eric convinced me. What about you?
I'm on my way out to a house call.
Gross. Well, as long as
you're home by 1:00.
Naive Serena.
Don't you know
Bart and Lil's list of rules...
...doesn't apply to me?
- What are you talking about?
According to my sources, the real
reason my father flew back early...
...is to court some executives
in town from the Midwest.
The problem is
they won't do business...
...with anyone who doesn't
share their family values.
So Bart is making sure we do.
- Or appear to.
- Wait, all this so he can close a deal?
I do my best work off the radar.
But while you're on Page Six
with the Poppy Liftons...
...you're the bigger threat
to Bart's business.
Good night, sis.
I hope your book is captivating.
Hi, Bart. We missed you
at family dinner. Maybe next time.
Where do you think you're going?
And in that dress?
Oh, the girls and I thought
we'd hit up 1 Oak...
...then maybe Bijoux, and I don't know,
anywhere we can find some paparazzi.
I'm in the mood for
a little show tonight.
Oh, I forgot to put on underwear.
- Waving a white flag, are we?
- Not exactly.
I have a proposition for you.
I'll say yes.
That little troll Vanessa
is working my last nerve.
- Not what I expected.
- And then I realized...
...this could benefit both of us.
- You had me until "troll."
Dan stole your best friend.
Now, you can steal his.
- Seduce and destroy.
- What's in it for me?
The thrill of the impossible.
The only person Vanessa
loathes more than me, is you.
It would be one for the ages.
Maybe you're not up for it.
If memory serves, you've had
some mechanical problems.
I'll just imagine she's you.
This just in: Blair Waldorf
and Chuck Bass...
...placing a wager on
the takedown of Lonely Boy's BFF.
We think we've heard
this story before...
...and we're pretty sure
it ended up with everyone dead.
What did Lily have to say
about last night's curfew flaunting?
I snuck out
before she could corner me.
Let them discipline the sibling
that deserves it.
You mean Chuck?
- What?
- You smiled.
No, I didn't. I hate Chuck.
Don't make me lose my appetite.
Oh, hey, is that Eric?
- Hey, Larissa said you'd be here.
- Hey.
And we are. Who's this?
Jonathan, this is my sister, Serena,
and her friend Blair Waldorf.
- This is Jonathan, my boyfriend.
- It's nice to meet you both.
- Nice work, E.
- Oh, my gosh.
Hi, so nice to meet you.
Sit down, both of you.
I invited him to tonight.
I thought you should meet.
- Yeah, I met Chuck the other day.
- Chuck? Hear that, Blair?
- Chuck?
- Ignore her. She's dehydrated.
- Did I miss something?
- No, but we did.
The story of how you two met.
We wanna know.
So then the ball came to me,
so I kicked it to this guy...
...and he kicked it to a guy,
and he kicked it to a guy...
...and then that guy scored...
...so it's basically an assist.
- Wow.
Yeah, it was awesome.
It was pretty amazing.
It's so weird you're on a team now.
Soon you're gonna have guy friends.
What are you talking about,
I have guy friends.
Dan, I know that
you're Mr. Soccer now...
...but you and I both know
you prefer to hang out with girls.
Vanessa. Serena, once upon a time.
- It's nothing to be ashamed of.
- It's untrue.
Dad, will you please tell Jenny
that I have guy friends?
- Of course he does. I'm his...
- No, not including you.
- Cedric?
- Not including dolls.
Okay, watch and learn.
Nate. Hey, man, it's Humphrey. Dan.
Good, good. Hey, listen, you wanna
hook up for some soccer later?
You're by the park, right? Noon, yeah.
Sweet, bro. All right, love it. Bye.
Apparently,
we're gonna play soccer later.
- No big.
- Is Cedric invited?
Jenny. Come on.
- Thank you, Dad.
- You know Cedric would get dirty.
Then Dan would have to bathe him.
All right, I'll see you two later.
I got my boy waiting for me.
Great turnout, V. I got a good feeling.
Let's hope so, Horace.
Here come the sharks.
- What the hell are you doing?
- You have to ask?
I'm here because of you.
Thank you for introducing me to
this unique business opportunity.
No, you are not buying this place
to turn it into a yuppie fusion bar.
For your information,
since I bought Victrola...
...Bass Industries has expanded
into vintage entertainment.
- We're willing to work with you.
- We're petitioning for landmark status.
Why don't you have a bake sale?
In the real world, we are your only hope.
Endorse our bid, and we promise to
return this place to its sweet sordidness.
It sounds perfect.
Just one problem, I know you.
- Or do you only think you do?
- Get out of here, rich boy.
I didn't think that suit could
get any worse. I was wrong.
Oh, Serena, wait a minute.
Would you excuse us, please?
Thank you.
- So, what's my punishment?
- Don't be childish.
You're treating me like one.
Isn't that who curfews are for?
You're living up to our expectations.
According to Bart, you went out...
...Iooking like a stripper.
If you have a problem...
...then just say so.
But to simply defy us...
- Not you. Him.
- Bart and I are husband and wife.
But he's not our father.
Come on, Mom.
Things were so good last year.
We were almost like a real family.
Why change that?
Serena, you're making this much
more complicated than it really is.
And going by your actions last night...
...I think that you could benefit
from a little structure.
If I thought this was you talking,
I might listen.
If this is how you're acting now, I should
have insisted on structure years ago.
You mean, like, three husbands ago?
That was unkind.
I'm not really in the family mood.
I think I'm gonna pass
on tonight's little soiree.
Nate?
Hey, man.
Oh, right, yeah,
we're meeting at the park. Yeah.
No, no, no, I just... I got tied up.
Yeah, I'll see you in 10.
Okay.
Whoever said you can't have it all...
...must have known the Archibalds.
Looks like poor little Nate
is, yuck... poor.
Mr. Chuck to see you, Miss Blair.
Dorota, who?
- Excuse me, don't you...
- Deal's off.
- What? What are you talking about?
- I'm out.
Don't know what I was thinking.
Pretending to buy some
broken-down bar.
But you promised to seduce Vanessa.
She needs to be destroyed.
Humphrey doesn't warrant this.
The great Chuck Bass
is just gonna give up?
No, no. There's no shame
if the prize isn't worth it.
You can do your own dirty work.
There's not enough in it for me.
- Well, what if I made it worth it?
- What are you talking about?
- I think you know.
- You're not serious?
My, my, that girl has
gotten under your skin.
The question is, Bass, will you?
Aren't you the least bit worried
I'll succeed?
Do we have an agreement?
Careful, B. One thing
about making a deal with the devil...
Oh, we have a deal.
...he always comes to collect.
After you left, your lawyer came
and showed us your proposal...
...which did indeed include
keeping everything as is...
...and lobbying for landmark status.
I was telling the truth.
I'm sure you've done something
to deserve getting beaned by a beverage.
Isn't it possible there are parts of me
you don't know?
- Possible, just extremely unlikely.
- Did you have a reason for coming here?
Because if it was to insult me,
there's a website you can go to.
The manager
wants to meet you.
If he signs off, you have our support,
but it still doesn't mean I trust you.
Of course not.
Now...
...I'd best go put on
something special.
I don't know how she
expects me to take this seriously.
- Her record stands at 16 months.
- Which husband was that?
- Klaus.
- The one who wore the wooden shoes?
- Zip.
- No, that was Danish Claus, with a C.
This is German Klaus, with a K.
- I forget, did she marry both?
- No, just German Klaus.
- But she did date Danish Claus longer.
- Your mother.
Remember how she used to just jet off
to Mustique or Ibiza without warning...
...while you were still in school?
Eleanor always knew when we
showed up with our bags.
Lily had a new boyfriend.
We alternated you and the Archibalds
so you never knew how bad it was.
We knew.
But Bart is the worst.
He's controlling and a hypocrite.
He acts like he's family friendly when
he's dated half the models in Manhattan.
B, you look gorgeous.
Where'd you get that dress?
Oh, this? Just Chuck.
- When did Chuck give you a dress?
- When we were going to Europe.
And you're wearing it tonight?
It's just that it would be a shame
to waste it, that's all.
You gotta teach me
that bouncing off the knees thing.
I tried it once
and broke my dad's Gibson.
It's very scarring
to see your father cry.
I actually wouldn't know.
My father, not big on showing emotion.
So I'm guessing you're not going to
the housewarming.
No, especially since this is the
first I'm hearing of it.
So you and Serena like...
Well, to say things ended badly
would be an understatement.
You going?
No, think I'm just gonna stay at home,
chill out, watch a movie, you know?
Sounds good.
I'd invite you over,
but the house is a mess.
- Oh, yeah. No.
- Housekeeper has the week off, so...
Is your mom there?
Not that she cleans things.
You know, I don't know.
All that stuff with your dad...
It's... My mom's staying
out in the Hamptons.
So I told her I was staying at Chuck's...
...just so she doesn't worry
about stuff, you know?
- I'm gonna get a drink. Want something?
- Sure, thanks.
Cool.
- What is it?
- Nothing.
- I like it.
- This our guy?
- Horace Rogers, Chuck Bass.
- Pleasure.
Man, come here.
Look at that outfit.
Didn't know it could be worse
than the one this morning.
Kidding. I know Savile Row
when I see it.
- Joe Kennedy taught me.
- You knew Joe Kennedy?
Used to come here all the time.
Had a girl up the street.
I was 9 years old,
selling papers out front.
Rumor has it he kept this place in
booze during Prohibition.
- You like old Joe?
- Rum-runner, womanizer, millionaire.
He was my kind of guy.
They all used to come here back in
the day. Gangsters, fighters, musicians.
Dangerous folks, no doubt,
but they had style.
Something tells me you'd fit right in.
That's possibly the nicest thing
anyone's ever said to me.
- Are you're sure he's living there?
- Squatting, I think, would be correct.
There's just a sleeping bag
and a bunch of shirts.
- Why isn't he staying with Chuck?
- Obviously, Dan, he's embarrassed.
Look, invite him for dinner tonight.
Dad's making chili.
Then once he's here,
we can convince him to stay.
Okay, but don't mention anything
to Dad.
He'll probably handcuff him to the couch
or say something stupid.
I'll see you.
That was Jenny, and it turns out
my dad's making his once-a-year chili.
Attendance is mandatory for me
and whoever I'm with.
- Deeply sorry, but this year, that's you.
- Well, guess I don't have a choice then.
You don't.
Scattergories will be involved.
- Scattergories. Been a while.
- Be prepared.
Hey, Jonathan. You visiting Eric?
He's not here.
I was just dropping off some books.
- Have fun.
- Not coming?
No, Eric talked to your stepfather,
and apparently it's family-only.
- Bart said that?
- It's no big deal.
I'll see you later.
Well, you won Horace over.
He trusts me.
You're really serious, aren't you?
You're gonna save this place.
Yeah, guess I am.
I knew it would take a miracle,
but I never thought it'd be Chuck Bass.
- I was wrong about you, and I'm sorry.
- Thanks. Means a lot.
Vanessa, there's something...
At the conclusion of a deal,
I like to celebrate.
My parents are having a housewarming
tonight. I'd like you to come.
- Yeah, okay.
- Good. I'll send the car at 8.
Richard Phillips, this is Ariel Foxman
and Honor Brodie, from InStyle.
Everything here that you see is thanks to
them, except for this gorgeous painting.
Which Richard did.
- Will you just excuse us for one...?
- I'll take care of it, Lily.
Excuse me.
Serena.
The suit looks lovely. Glad you
changed your mind, decided to join us.
- Can I introduce you to some people?
- No, I'm waiting on some friends.
- We are allowed to bring friends, right?
- Sure.
Bart, just curious, does Mom know you
told Eric he couldn't bring his boyfriend?
I told Eric no such thing.
We discussed it,
and the decision was his.
Really?
The 15-year-old and the billionaire?
Sounds like a discussion between equals.
I hope over time you'll see
I want what's best for this family.
In the meantime, I suggest
you talk with your brother.
- Good evening, Chuck.
- Blair.
Do I get a progress report?
Does Vanessa still think you're buying
that beer hall?
- I am buying it. It's a good investment.
- You're kidding.
Fine, but you're still
gonna crush her, right?
- We made a deal, remember?
- Yes. Excuse me.
Some housewarming.
Good thing I didn't bring a casserole.
- Can I get you a drink?
- Chuck, I'd like to speak with you. Now.
I'll be back in a moment.
Jenny, I still can't believe you
dropped out to become a designer.
I know. It's incredible how supportive
my dad's been.
- She means difficult to believe.
- What about you, Nate?
- How's everything? It's been tough.
- Yeah, it has, but we're getting by.
Just you and your mom now?
I've seen Nate do that
knee-bounce thing with the soccer ball.
And it's amazing.
My mom's at our Hamptons house, but I
still have school, so I gotta stick around.
- By yourself? Isn't that kind of Ionely?
- I guess, but I mean, I grew up there.
You know, it's where
all the memories are.
- Do you know what this is about?
- Show me Lily's Poliform kitchen?
I love what it does with the doors.
Did you think I wasn't gonna find out
my company was buying a bar?
It wasn't a secret.
I just wanted to make sure
I had everything in place.
- Did you read the proposal?
- Why would I do that?
Because. The tax break will be huge.
Saving a landmark
buys us amazing PR...
...engenders goodwill in the community
paving the way for future investment.
Plus it's a great place.
Let me take you there, show you around.
I'll make you a believer, I promise.
I believe that you've betrayed
my trust and wasted my time.
This is a good move for Bass Industries.
I stand behind it.
Really? Chuck Bass stands behind it?
What's that worth?
I gave people my word.
They're counting on me.
Well, luckily, letting people down
is your forte.
Oh, man, this has been great,
but look, I should go. I'm tired, so...
What about Scattergories?
Can't believe I used Scattergories
as an enticement.
Next time.
You sure you just
don't wanna crash on the couch?
- No, it's cool.
- Look...
...I know about how you're living.
- At home.
- Excuse me? What?
It was a mistake. Thought we were
supposed to meet at your place.
I saw the notice.
So you broke into my home?
I mean, there wasn't really
much to break into.
- You know, Jenny and I wanna help you.
- Jenny knows too?
Suddenly, I'm the Humphrey family's
favorite charity?
- It's not like that.
- Tell your dad thank you...
...and that I had to leave.
Dan, we hang out at Yale.
We played soccer once. So what?
Just stay out of it.
Hey. I overheard the end
of that conversation...
...and I'm sorry.
I don't know your dad, but from what
I saw today, you deserve better.
You say that,
but you don't really know me.
My father, on the other hand,
has a lifetime of experience.
The man makes some good points.
Stay.
Please.
Bart told me I could bring Jonathan...
...but he told me
there would be press here...
...and did I really wanna come out
in a national magazine?
- He's worried about his own image.
- I don't think so.
I think he's trying to protect me.
Why are you so against him?
- I don't know.
- Excuse me, Serena, Eric?
Would you mind if our reporter
asked a few questions?
- Honestly?
- Sure.
So your mom told me
how close-knit your family is.
Is there a particular memory
that stands out?
- A birthday or Christmas?
- She said what?
Excuse me. I just need
to borrow Serena.
- You said we were close-knit?
- I'll bring her back.
And I'll tell you all about the time
that we had in Mustique.
- It was such fun.
- You mean you and Constantine?
Or did you forget the way you forgot to
say goodbye to me every time you left?
Serena, don't do this.
If you have issues with Bart, fine,
but don't sabotage this.
What? I'm not doing anything.
We were just sharing memories
of what a close family we are.
I remember this one time,
when I was 11...
...Eric and I wanted a white Christmas.
Luckily, Mom's husband...
...was a raging cokehead,
so he left blow everywhere.
- Oh, my God.
- It wasn't everywhere.
Just on the smooth, shiny surfaces.
Was that German Klaus with a K
or Danish Claus with a C?
I can't ever remember
which ones she married...
...or which she just decided
were more important than her children.
You know, I was wrong.
It's not Bart at all. It's you.
Looks like the Bass
housewarming party just got a little colder.
Serena's walk down memory lane
has her heading out the door.
Bet's off.
- But the game's not over.
- I'm calling it on account of boredom.
Vanessa's not worth playing with.
Maybe she is, maybe she isn't.
- Why the sudden change of heart?
- Like I said, the whole thing is dull.
Pursuing Vanessa is beneath us both.
You think I'm going for the kill.
Worried you're gonna have to
go through with what you promised.
- I'm not worried. About that.
- Well, then what?
Then nothing. Just forget it.
I can't believe Serena did that.
In front of everyone,
that reporter, all of these people.
Eric, my darling,
you are always honest with me.
It isn't true, is it?
I know Serena's timing sucked.
But she did pretty much raise me
all those years.
- You just weren't here, you know?
- I wasn't that bad.
Our ring tone for you
was "Since U Been Gone."
Vanya the doorman used to sign
our permission slips from school.
Well, there was a lot going on
in my life.
And I did the best I could.
Just like I'm doing now.
But now it's like you want us to go
from zero to Brady in 60 seconds.
We're not there yet.
I know, but I just thought...
You don't become a family
just by telling people you are.
You become a family
because you wanna be one.
I think mine's carbonated. Yours?
You're still upset.
Well, like I said,
I tried to help and he bailed.
So, you know, if he doesn't want
my help then that's fine.
Being a friend means
giving someone...
...something they need
even when they can't ask for it. You did.
Right, I did that.
Also not giving up on them
when they say no thank you.
I didn't do that. I'm not doing that.
He wants to be alone.
His choice. Good luck.
Well, from what you told me,
this thing is pretty intense.
I don't know if he has anyone else
in his life looking out for him right now.
You really wanna be a friend,
you need to be that person.
I know I left my bag with my coat.
Could you check again.
No need.
Don't tell me
you took my purse by mistake.
Hardly. But then it wasn't
your bag I was after.
Don't you know never to leave
anything valuable unattended?
Oh, and I took the liberty
of increasing your storage space.
What did you do?
Marcus and Catherine are free to live
their sick little lives in peace, as am I.
Now that you have nothing on me,
you're done here.
Except one more thing.
You may think
you've discovered the hidden Chuck...
...but you should know he has
no real feelings for you whatsoever.
It was all a little bet we made
to see just how gullible you could be.
I don't believe you.
It was simple, really.
Chuck wanted to get Dan,
and I wanted to get you.
Chuck had his dad's company
make an offer...
...on the Brooklyn Inn
in order to get back at Dan?
Isn't that a little convoluted,
even for the two of you?
Real estate was just foreplay.
Seducing and humiliating you
was the ultimate goal.
Chuck didn't hit on me once.
Maybe what's going on is
you can't stand that he might actually...
...be a good person
when not around you.
- I seriously doubt that.
- What are you doing, Blair?
Tying up some loose ends.
Telling Vanessa that she doesn't mean
anything to you.
We were playing chess...
...she was another piece
you needed to knock over...
...on your way to take the queen.
Do you disagree?
Guess I should have known.
- Good boy.
- What the hell was the point of that?
You may not have seduced her,
but she seems pretty humiliated to me.
What are you saying?
I'm saying I lost, you won.
I'll be waiting in my room in one hour.
Come claim your prize.
Poor Chuck Bass.
You made your bet,
now you have to lie in it.
Dan? Is that you?
- Are you talking to me?
- You're the only person here.
Right. But that's never
stopped you before.
- I deserved that.
- I haven't started yet.
Fine. Sit. Pile it on.
My night couldn't get any worse.
Coming to rub my nose in it?
Falling for your line of bull?
Talked to Vanessa already.
I know you have no reason
to trust me.
You ain't gonna be able
to give me one so you might as well go.
Look, I don't care
what you think about me.
I'm not giving up.
I'm gonna save this place.
Try saving yourself first, kid.
I like to think I know people,
but I was wrong about you.
So what are you doing
at Nate's, anyway?
Well, Nate and I are friends.
At least I hope we are.
What about you?
I just had to get out of my house
and talk to someone.
Blair is busy, Chuck is Chuck.
The only person I really wanted to talk to
I can't anymore. So I came here.
Pretend I'm Nate.
What?
Pretend I'm... Well, look,
he pretended to be me so it's only fair.
Really?
Well, my mom hosted this big party.
It was supposed to be
about our new family...
...but turns out, of course,
it was for publicity.
So I blew up at her
in front of everyone.
This whole time I was thinking
that Bart was the problem...
...but I realized it's all her.
You ever think your mom
acts like she's perfect...
...because she's too ashamed
to acknowledge...
...how far from it she's really been?
I thought you were pretending
to be Nate?
Kidding.
I'm sorry.
Do you not think I'm right?
No, I mean, I'm sorry,
about everything.
I am too.
They must have had me chipped
while I was sleeping.
- Hi, Mr. Bass.
- Hello, Daniel.
Eric said you might be here.
- I'd like to take you home, Serena.
- I should probably go.
Test out
some of those theories of yours.
See if they hold up.
I'm really glad you're Nate's friend.
He really needs someone like you
right now.
Hey. Where is everyone?
Well, the party wasn't the same
after you left.
Actually, I think it might've even stopped
while you were still here.
I owe you an apology.
No, I'm the one who said things
I shouldn't have.
No, not about that.
About the 17 years that I wasn't here.
And I did put the men in my life
before you guys.
Well, it wasn't all bad.
There was a brief period
between Clauses.
Don't forget that weekend
with Sarkozy.
He made us go to Euro Disney.
I'm sorry I embarrassed you
in front of a national magazine.
And I'm sorry I acted the way I did.
Apology accepted.
Well, our family is our family.
That's just who we are.
And I shouldn't care
who knows about it. And I don't.
Just like the seasons,
people have the ability to change.
It doesn't happen very often, but
when it does, it's almost always right.
You killed the story, didn't you?
I already put out the hit.
Sometimes it takes what's
broken becoming whole again.
- R.
- What happened?
Sometimes it takes opening
up to new people and letting them in.
Hope you don't mind,
but we've got a lodger.
- I'll make up the sofa?
- I'll get ice cream.
And I'll get the guitar
and the Songs of the '80s fake book.
I'm thinking Wham!
Almost forgot, make yourself at home.
But most times
it takes just one person...
...who is truly afraid
to show what they feel...
...getting an opportunity
they never thought possible.
What took you so long?
If you thought that was long,
you have no idea what you're in for.
Say it.
Say what? I'll say anything.
Say those three words
you wanted me to say.
- Are you kidding?
- Not quite.
Eight letters.
Three syllables.
Say them and I'm yours.
But I'm already yours, and you're
ruining the mood with all this talk.
You can't say it?
- You wanted it from me.
- I'm prepared to settle.
Maybe I'm not.
Chuck Bass.
I...
...will never say those words to you.
Then you will never have me.
Is this because of Vanessa?
It was a game, Chuck. That's it.
Maybe I wanna raise the stakes.
You ready to play that game?
I chased you for long enough.
Now it's time you chased me.
And some things never change.
Let a new game begin.
XOXO, Gossip Girl.