Gossip Girl (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Parentsite - full transcript

"HEY LOU" BY LIZ PHAIR
PLAYING...

Greetings, followers.

Gossip Girl here.

Your one and only, period.

♪ What's inside
That heavy head? ♪

There are obvious upsides
to being the children

of the world's most
influential people.

♪ Your eyes look dead... ♪

Maybe just a light coat instead.
It gets chilly in hospitals.

I think I know
my girlfriend, Mom.

Well, of course you do.
It's just a suggestion.



- You okay?
- I'm good.

But the biggest?
The luxury of choice.

♪ Hey, Lou... ♪

While the majority
of the world has little to no say

in what they can
and cannot do...

You know I don't mind helping
with whatever you need, Maxie.

I know, I know.
I want it to come from me.

...the elite
get to choose whatever they want

whenever they want it.

Choice in where they live,
what they eat,

who they speak to.

♪ Spilling all the drinks... ♪

Even choice in who
they deign to spend their time with.

♪ Who is that fool in the den? ♪



♪ I'm not running a zoo here ♪

♪ Tell me now, what can we do? ♪

- ♪ Hey, Lou ♪
- ♪ Hey, Lou... ♪

But there's one
thing not even they get a say in.

♪ Are you feeling all right? ♪

No one
gets to choose their parents.

What the hell?

Lara, who are these people?

She heard you asked Valencia
to stop coming.

I pay Valencia. She just gets to
spend that time with her kids.

Did you ever think she might
prefer time away from her kids?

If I were you, I'd get dressed.

Your mother's gonna be here
in an hour.

What? You said
she was coming Friday.

- And as pour moi?
- Hey...

Consider me
the au pair

you never knew you needed.

You can come cry on my shoulder
in secret any time.

♪ How did that work out
For you? ♪

♪

♪ Oh, Superman ♪

♪ I've done as much as I can ♪

♪ You're not the life
Of the party... ♪

And you'll want to.

Because no matter
where you come from

or who you are,
family is anything but easy,

and no one survives it alone.

♪

- ♪ Hey, Lou ♪
- ♪ Hey, Lou ♪

♪ Are you feeling all right? ♪

- ♪ Hey, Lou ♪
- ♪ What you wanna do? ♪

♪ I can see the daylight ♪

Uh, when were you gonna
tell me about the PSATs?

When I retook them.

You know I always do better
when I know what to expect.

Let's hope so,
because these are...

Abhorrent?
A word I got wrong,

but now just used in a sentence,
so maybe there's hope for me.

Not if you don't pronounce
the "H."

I never went to college,
and I regret it to this day.

Yeah, it really held you back.

That depends on if money
is your measure of success.

I didn't tell you
because I was embarrassed

and I'm going to retake them.

Then maybe actually
prepare next time.

- Education gives you options.
- Options I have.

You mean Instagram?

What sort of retirement plan
do they offer?

A 401k in Etsy flower crowns?

I know her, actually.

She's a self-made
"in-fleur-encer."

And she made
the Forbes 40 under 30 list.

She'll be a billionaire
in ten years.

If there are still flowers,
that is.

You can joke all you want,
but this path that you're on,

it could vanish in a flash.

People move on from things
so quickly now.

Pandemics happen.
Priorities shift.

Schooling gives you something
to fall back on

when whatever this is fails.

- This is a business.
- It hasn't been so far.

It could be. I just haven't
sought out endorsements

because I haven't had to worry
about money, thanks to you.

But it's always been in my plan
to grow my brand.

And your brand is...?

Well, since
you're suddenly so curious,

why don't you let me show you
before you tell me to write it off?

If it means you retaking
the PSATs, you're on.

Sorry, Dad. Didn't mean to break

the "no phones
at the table" rule.

It's a real estate lawyer
from my firm.

We need some advice
on our case against the board.

Is their name also Kate Keller?

I can read your
grandma-sized font from here.

If you wanna be covert,
text with your glasses on.

Here, I'll give you some tips.

I'm good at drafting texts,
I just...

don't send them.

To your sister or Noble O?

You promised you'd stop
reading Gossip Girl.

I know things have been
a little weird

between Obie and me lately,

but when stuff happens
in his life,

shouldn't I, as his girlfriend,

- be his first call?
- Not necessarily.

You can't expect
to be everything to him.

That's not
a healthy relationship.

I don't wanna be everything.
I just... I wanna be something.

And right now,
that's not how it feels.

You wanna know what else
is unhealthy?

Keeping your feelings
to yourself.

Why don't you ask, uh,
the lawyer for what you want?

And I'll do the same.

I don't remember which one you
hate and which one I gave you.

You gave me that one,
and I hate both.

You should've just
grabbed a coat.

Max is bringing breakfast,

and then we're gonna take you
to school.

- No. I'm not going to school.
- You haven't been all week.

As long as she's here,
I'm here.

Her blood pressure is low,
she's dehydrated...

And she's in the care
of very fine doctors

who have it all under control.

- She's gonna be okay.
- Please.

The longer she's here,
the more at risk she is.

That resident with
the daily blowouts

didn't even realize that her
Tegaderm was loose yesterday,

but I did.

If it wasn't for me
micromanaging

her nepotistic lack of skills,
then she would...

But Dr. Death only makes rounds
at night, right?

Right. So Kiki will be fine

while you tackle your AP Lit
this afternoon.

- But I'm not going...
- Stop helicopter daughtering,

and eat.

Then put on
one of those hideous sweaters.

That shirt is a biohazard
at this point.

She's so on edge.

I don't know
what else we can do.

I know.

Just keep trying to help
till she lets us?

You still doing that?

Hmm?

No, no, no.
I, uh, maxed that game out

and I'm not interested
in a replay.

You were right
about him, anyway.

Even in off-the-rack,
tens across the board.

Hey, that was from a nice store.

Can we please
just get this over with?

I spent all night
working on a new system.

Oh, there are props.

Hard copies, color-coded
and watermarked.

The first thing you'll see
is a schedule.

I've got posts weekdays
and nights.

And, uh, you have "Spotteds"
and weekends.

- What if I have plans?
- She knows you don't have plans.

You're in charge of combing
through our DMs

and anything we're tagged in.

I've also been thinking of ways
to expand our playbook,

you know, like
with new recurring features.

The original GG had a sort of
teen Gawker Stalker map

called Spotted,
but I don't like those optics.

So, I'm thinking, uh,
themed posts,

like "W-T-Effed"
for fashion fails of the week.

"Blindspotted" when we wanna
focus on someone new.

Uh, what else? Let's see.

"Flashbackstory,"
where we go deep

on a relation of one
of our targets.

Holding not just these kids...

...accountable for
their actions, but also their...

Does she know
she stopped talking?

I do.

Nick Lott is inviting me
to stay for dinner

after my mentor session tonight.

Say yes. I mean, not only
is he cute and single,

but you can dig for all the dirt
on Zoya and Julien's dead mom

for your "Flashback" post.

"That sounds nice."

You said yes just to get dirt,
right? Not any other reason?

Of course.

I don't like him in that way.

Okay. On page two,
you'll see my ideas

for a new color story,
filters, and fonts...

Love that,

but try arching your back
a little more.

Yes. This harsh light
is perf for a pensive portrait,

but try to squint
like you're on a yacht

and you just took off
your shades,

not like gale-force winds
just blew mystery moist

into your eyes on Canal.

I'm sorry, Lu.

I just keep stressing out
about what my dad said.

And you're about to be
Chanel-show-crashed

- like Gigi Hadid.
- I just...

I shouldn't have left.

I don't... I don't trust
these hospital goons

to call me if something
goes downhill. I...

- I'm so stressed out about this.
- You are the first person

they'll call in an emergency,
I promise.

You needed a break.

Sit. Have an avocado puff.

Breathe.

You wanna impress your dad?
Then stay dedicated.

A dozen stories
and a slideshow per day.

Okay, I'm just gonna check in
one more time, okay?

- Okay. I'm here if you need me.
- Thanks.

Come on.

I'll do the story, I promise.
I just... I need to talk first.

About Audrey?
Girl needs to set an intention

with some crystals, stat.

About how we take all this
to the next level.

I wanna show my dad
that I'm serious.

That my brand can be a real
and lucrative career.

Do you know how long
I've waited for this?

For you to go from content
to creator,

icon to iconoclast?

I don't know about that, but...

The trends you create,
they're now,

but if you want
a lifelong career,

we need to remove you
from the concept of time.

Forget influence,
you need importance,

which takes more than
daily displays of good taste.

A great Rihanna banger
is of its moment.

Fenty is forever.

So I need to launch
my own line?

Oh, God, no. You're barely ready
to launch a zine.

Ultimately, yes, but first,
you need to test the waters.

Prove the depths
you can swim in.

Which means a collab.
I'll make some calls.

- Keep tonight open.
- Okay.

Is one of those for me?

Finally caught you.

If you want me to chase again,
just let me know.

Is that the line you use
on all the boys?

So that's what this is about?

The fact that
I occasionally sleep

with a senior or two?

All this coming
from a 17-year-old

for whom ringside at the Knicks
takes on a whole other meaning?

- That's not the same.
- You're right.

You're different than them.

You aren't a conquest.

You're a fellow conquistador.

Consider me colonized
and move on.

I'm not gonna fuck you again.

And if I see you cozy up
to another student,

I'll make sure
that they don't either.

Yes, and please make sure
to give my mother her drip

before flirting with the EMT
that looks like Oscar Isaac.

She stands no chance.
Do not put me on hold. I...

I swear to God, if you put me
on hold right now...

Hello? Hell...

What? Can I help you?

I just wanted to say I hope
your mom's feeling better.

- And if you need anything...
- It won't be from you. So...

Look, I can't imagine
how you must feel right now,

but, um, sometimes, when
you're feeling overwhelmed,

it helps to take a deep breath
and imagine you're...

Watching your supposed boyfriend
have better chemistry

with your sister?

That calms me down every time.

Hmm. It's working for me too.

Hello?
Are you still there?

Yes, I am still here.

So maybe it's...

the kick in the ass
that I needed to start thinking

about the bigger picture
and not just how I look in it.

I want to invest in my future.

Did you just say "invest"
and "in future"?

When we were dating,
I couldn't even get you

to decide on a restaurant,
like, an hour in advance.

I'm growing.

I've noticed.

So I can do
what I've always done

and just live
and expect people to care,

or I can push myself
outside of my comfort zone

and figure out if there's a way
that I can use my platform

to create something
that people actually need.

I can't believe
what I'm hearing.

- Hey, there you are.
- Here I am. What'd I miss?

Oh, just new Julien's
genius master plan.

Genius? Big word for 8:00 a.m.

It's not. He's just trying
to make me feel better.

I'm sure whatever it is,
it's amazing,

and I can't wait to hear
all about it, but, um,

first, when do I get
to meet your mom?

- Helena's in town?
- Yeah, uh, she is, yeah.

She just got in this morning.

Yeah. Gossip Girl
was all over it.

I don't know.
She didn't even, like,

tell me that she was coming.
She's just...

I don't know. She's here to check up
on the development in the Navy Yard,

and then she's gonna
have dinner with Aki's dad,

and then she's out.

So I don't even think
I'm gonna see her, really.

Well, do you wanna come over
after my mentor session

with, uh, Ms. Keller?

That way, I don't have to watch

my dad's pathetic
flirting attempts alone?

Uh, I would, yeah, but it's...
It's ball tryouts today,

so I'm probably just gonna have
to go home after

and, like, crash.

But maybe we can
hang out tomorrow?

Yeah. Of course.

- Yeah. All right.
- Good luck.

You're upset he didn't tell you
his mom's in town?

Things have just been so off
since the Simon thing.

And we haven't even
discussed that.

We haven't discussed anything.

Well, when it comes to Helena,
that's not personal.

That's about him.
He's her golden boy,

so, as such,
he's totally terrified of her.

Take it from me. The Obie
we know may have no trouble

standing up for
what he believes in,

but when it comes to her,
he just freezes.

When we first started dating,
I had to track her down

and introduce myself
because he was too nervous.

That's not exactly
how I operate.

Yes, it is. You're the most
confrontational person I know.

We got this.

♪

- You seen Audrey?
- Yeah. You just missed her.

Aw, you really are
a great bi-friend.

Some good it does me.

Here, I'll bring it
to her after school.

You can tag in post-tryouts.

Thanks.

And Max, um...

no one knows about me, okay?

- I'm still...
- Oh, yeah. My bad.

Um... look, it's fine.
Your secret's safe.

Kate. I was wondering

if you might grant me
a small favor.

- If I can?
- Your secret project.

You know, I think
I might've been too hasty

when I said it wasn't for me.

I've been seeing all
the great work you've been doing

and wondering if I could
maybe help in some way.

- All good. Thanks.
- Well, I have insider access.

I know where these kids go
when they're not here.

And unlike the rest of you,
I go there too.

Happy to be your spy
on the inside.

I guess you could start small.

Flag and report
any copycat posts and profiles.

- There are hundreds of them.
- Down for anything.

And I personally know a huge tip

that I think you might be
interested in too.

♪

Hi. Do you have
an appointment?

- Uh, are you Maya? Julien told...
- Zoya. Yes.

Your sister promised to feature
my handbag line

in a story for this.

Right this way.

"ARABESQUE NO. 1" BY CLAUDE
DEBUSSY PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS...

Um, Helena?

This is my friend Zoya.
She wanted to meet you.

Hope you don't mind.

Hi. Uh, sorry to ambush you.
I just...

thought Obie would probably
take forever to do this himself,

and I know you're only here
for a couple of days, so...

You know my son?

Yeah.
Pretty well, I'd say. Uh...

I'm his girlfriend, Zoya...

Lott.

Is this some kind of prank?

- Uh...
- My son's girlfriend is Julien Calloway.

Everyone knows that.

Um, they... they broke up.

In September.

I think I would know
if that happened.

Now, if you don't mind...

Oh, my.

He didn't tell me.

- I'm so sorry. I had no idea.
- It's... it's fine. Um...

I shouldn't have come here.
This... this was a mistake.

It isn't.

I feel terrible.

We could have lunch.

I can call Otto.
Or you can join our dinner?

With the Menzies.

I'm sure you know Akeno
and his girlfriend,

if they're still together.

Yeah. We all go
to school together.

I thought your trip
was a surprise.

Germans don't do surprises.

So, tonight?

I... I can't, but thank you.

Um, it's... it was nice
meeting you.

Nice to meet you too, uh...

Zoya.

Poor little Z,

learning the hard lesson
that while some get a blowout,

others simply get blown off.

Looks like Noble O
may not be so noble after all.

I can't believe
he still hasn't told her.

And lied about it. He knew
she was coming for weeks.

You're going
to that dinner, right?

No. I think
I've crashed enough for one day.

And he clearly
doesn't want me there,

or he would have invited me
himself.

She invited you.

And now that GG's exposed
Obie's lie,

just call him and tell him
that you'd like to meet

his mother properly.
He'll say yes. He has to.

And you'll charm
the heels off Helena

and put Obie's fears to rest
before the Riesling runs dry.

What is it
he's even afraid of?

Isn't this just a textbook case
of "he's just not that into me"?

I used to vacation with them, Z.

She had sheets and towels
monogrammed

with my initials
at all their properties.

Leaving me for my sister,
who she probably

didn't even know existed,
no offense,

would be hard for anyone
to explain,

let alone a Mutter's boy
like Otto Bergmann IV.

Oh, it's almost 6:00.
I'm too late.

They're European.

They don't eat till 8:00.

You have plenty of time to get
yourself a seat at that table

and prove
you deserve to be there.

Call him. Call him now.

Why don't I ever get a pep talk?

She doesn't have your Grammys.

Are you ready?

I wasn't aware this was
a bring-your-dad-to-work event.

Well, this is
all about collaboration, right?

That's what he does
for a living,

so I value his opinion.

The L'Oréal, Glossier,
and Goop reps are at the bar

for an exclusive pre-drink.

Then they'll move
to the seating area

- when the rest arrive.
- The rest?

How many reps
did you get in a few hours?

Do you not know how important
your daughter is?

Come on.

Where's our future
Pulitzer winner?

Snuck off to make a call.
It's for the best.

I already got through twice
the material I had planned.

She's a quick one.
I wish I had that.

It would've made law school
way easier.

- She take after her mom there?
- Try carbon copy.

- I don't mean to pry.
- I love talking about Marion.

Keeps me from forgetting.

- How did you two meet?
- We went to school together.

PS '87.

She was so confident.

Completely just comfortable
with herself.

Like you-know-who over there.

College separated us,
but we never really lost touch.

I didn't realize you'd known
each other that long.

Most of my life,
up until the day she died.

Um, you don't have to tell me.

No, I don't mind.

You know, you're really easy
to talk to.

Maybe we can go
to dinner sometime.

Just us. Talk some more.

Not sure that dress
goes with sloppy joes.

Uh, Obie invited me
to go to a fancy dinner

to meet his mom.

Can I go?

Kate and I already covered
a lot of ground.

Yes, you can.

But only if I can get
a picture with you first.

Ugh, Dad.

- Please?
- No.

- Just one.
- Uh-uh.

So...

how's tonight?

Sorry. They had us scrimmage.

- Oh, it's all good.
- Excuse me, nurse.

You're just in time
for this evening's show.

Do you know the temperature
in my mother's room right now?

It is 67 degrees.

That might be
the proper temperature

for bedrooms according to
the National Sleep Foundation,

but for the hospital room
of a woman

with a weakened immune system,
it's downright deplorable.

How are you gonna fix it?
Go. Turn it up.

Go turn it up. Oh, my God.

That's the third nurse
of the night.

Oh, and you...

We were supposed to
have dinner tonight with my dad.

- Maybe we should cancel.
- Yeah.

Whoa.

I appear to be out of the loop
on something.

You still have Gossip Girl
on mute, don't you?

Spotted. A
lone Wolfe dropping by a hospital

to pick up more
than Hope's spirits.

Take a seat, PSATs.

The test students should be
most worried about

is one you can't study for.
HMO, PPO, EPO?

If you've cozied up
to Max Wolfe lately,

I hope you have all your docs
on speed dial.

Is this real?

Rafa's revenge. I expected more.

You can expect a lot less
until you clear this up.

Hooking up is the last thing
on my mind right now.

But I'd better handle it

before I have to
present my medical records

to half of Kings County,
which means...

- This is red dye number five!
- I have to leave her here alone, or miss dinner.

Did you say you're taking
Ms. Hope to dinner?

Uh, yeah. I mean, I would,

but I don't think I'm gonna
get her to leave.

You have to.
We're getting complaints,

and not just the staff,
patients too.

She can come back tomorrow
during visiting hours.

...and you want her to be
assailed by the sight of lilies?

What are you, sadists?

Yeah. I'll take her.

So, this isn't awkward at all?
Me having invited myself?

No. No. I... I'm the one
who should feel awkward.

- I just didn't know how to, uh...
- Hey. Whatever happened,

it worked out
for the both of us.

- I'm happy to be here.
- Yeah, and I'm happy that you're here.

Uh, I already have a phone.

- Thank you.
- No, uh, Aki's dad makes us.

He can wiretap anyone,
but no one can wiretap him?

Right this way,
Mr. Bergmann, Ms. Lott.

It's empty.

Yeah, Roger buys out
wherever he eats

and brings his own staff.

Is he afraid somebody's
gonna poison him

for all the things he's done?

Mama.

Yeah.

Zoya Jane Lott.

Well, I've heard a lot
about you.

Hey, Otto, dear boy. You grew?

I did indeed. Yes, sir.

Zoya, glad to get to know you
in a proper location.

She means it in a nice way.

I'm Jody, Aki's mom.

- What's going on?
- Mom?

I thought you said
they knew I was coming?

This table is for six,
and there's seven of us.

- I'm just gonna...
- Babe, it's fine.

I didn't know Zoya was coming.

Hey, I didn't either
until about an hour ago.

Hmm. Did you go
to the opera first, or...

In Europe, we dress for dinner.

It's a shame
that never caught on here.

Kiki is still
in the hospital, Mama,

so Audrey's come from there.

I was sorry to hear
what happened.

I had no idea that your mother
was struggling so.

Even though your papers reported
in great detail

about the failure
of her company almost daily?

I may own the papers,
but I don't believe in

preventing journalists
from doing their jobs.

However, I'm personally sorry
that it all went so public.

- Me too.
- Hmm.

Well, you needn't have worried,
Ms. Lott.

I know you're new here,

but you'll soon see
that we're all very close.

I mean, Helena and I
have known each other

since before our sons were born.

Jody and I were married
for a decade.

So none of us have got
any secrets here.

The settlement
made sure of that.

Plus all the wiretapping?

We ask you post
at least two tutorials a day

at specific times
based on our analytics,

which we would shoot in advance,

as we're respectful
of your school schedule.

My brand
is all about authenticity.

I don't do pre-shoots.

I upload the moment we post.

An honest and free spirit
like yourself

might benefit more
from our company's philosophy.

We're all about what's natural.

We do some light retouching,
teeth whitening, flyaways,

nothing you wouldn't want.
What are your priorities?

Well, a big one is
I want to partner with a brand

that caters to women of color
as much as it does white women.

- Well, that's why...
- You'd serve your audience best

with a more established brand.

One that already
has a proven track record

in that department.
Like Revlon.

You'd have to be seen using
only our products,

the best in the industry,
so no loss there.

And you're still new.

Someone like us could take you
to the next level.

Our top influencer
has 34 million followers.

If you let Ulta
shake up your image,

we can remake you into
something actually profitable.

Some thing?

You haven't met
until recently?

Oh, no, our dads don't speak.
Or didn't.

- And you were raised...?
- She's from Buffalo.

Hmm. I've never been.
What's it like?

Yes. Please regale us
with the history

of its chief export,
chicken wings.

Actually, Buffalo is a pretty
interesting place, historically.

Home of Grover Cleveland,
Mark Twain,

and F. Scott Fitzgerald.

Yes. They host readings
at his childhood home

every year on his birthday.
I've never missed one.

But if you want to talk
Buffalo pride,

the town really came together
during the BLM protests.

- It was...
- You know, I owned the Bills for one season.

It was the worst investment
I ever had.

Still, it got you and Otto
to make much-needed renovations

at that stadium.

We've done so much
business together.

Who can remember it all?

My dad and I used to go
to that stadium all the...

Tell me, how did
Jakarta Tower hold up

after the last earthquake?

Solid as a rock.

I never thought we'd ever get
that damn thing finished

with Hamish and Jake and Eliza

at each other's throats
the whole time.

My half-siblings. Much older.

- From his early wives.
- I know who they are.

I read about them,
and you, a lot.

And it's all true.

You know, they didn't really
give one whit about me.

All they care about is, uh,

who I'll put in charge
when I die.

Oh, except for my boy here.

This boy, he calls me
on my birthday.

He texts just to say hello.

I never have to worry about
poison in my sherry

- with him around.
- An occupational hazard

when you run
a right-wing propaganda machine

bent on destabilizing
global democracy, am I right?

- Well said.
- I like a girl with an opinion.

You say opinion, but this girl
says kind of factual.

What other opinions
do you have, girl?

Have you given more thought
about relocating the NetCorp

to the Navy Yard?

Come have a tour
while you're here.

There have been protests
at that development all week.

- Zoya...
- Really?

Have there been? Do tell.

- Audrey...
- Zoya's right.

The city has limited land.
Everyone wants a piece.

It's bound to make
some people unhappy.

Unhappy? You're demolishing
a homeless shelter

and increasing
the homeless population,

for what?
Condos with poor doors?

Obie knows more about this
than I do.

He protests all the time.

Obie?

The city condemned the shelter.

It was always going
to be destroyed.

Yeah, sure.
But why not build a new one?

It's nearly 11:00 in Sapporo.

If I don't call your father now,
I'll lose him all day.

Please.

I guess the hospital
hasn't called,

but I'm just gonna check in
really quick, okay?

Yeah.

You told me
about those protests.

You said what she's doing
is wrong.

It is wrong, Zoya,
but we're at dinner.

So when is it gonna be an appropriate
time to tell her what you really think?

Dessert? Or never?

What the fuck?

Yeah. You might wanna
get that checked out.

Oh, you mean fact-checked?

Tell Gossip Girl
that this is a lie.

Um... nah.

You know that
this is harassment, right?

Oh, you mean like stalking me
at a bathhouse?

Following me into the showers
at school?

Showing up
at my house unannounced?

I mean,
who's the victim here, really?

Just stop lying,
or I will destroy you.

Why wait when you can make good
on that promise now?

Get the fuck off of me.

What is with this sudden bout
of morality?

You wanted this.
You made it happen.

I'm just playing along.

You know what? I don't care.

Let everyone think
that I have an STI.

I would rather fuck no one
than fuck you again.

♪

Okay, you've asked me enough.
Now it's my turn.

Teacher at 24.

How does that even happen?

All my teachers
were grandparents.

Yeah, well, a lot's changed
since, um...

Oh, God.
That's not what I meant.

It's true.

Um... No, but you're a writer.
Not just a teacher.

That's what you wanna do, right?

I mainly wanted to be famous.

- Like Cormac McCarthy?
- Like anyone.

Oh, God. I don't think
I've ever said this out loud.

When I was younger,
I had this thing...

where I just wanted
to be the best.

At anything. I was terrified
of being ordinary.

Maybe a Best Actress,
Best Album, a gold in swimming.

No matter what I tried,
though...

Uh, acting? I had eight lines

in the high school
Sound of Music,

and I forgot six.

Singing? I can surprise you
at karaoke,

but you're not gonna follow me
on Spotify.

But with writing,

I'd found it.

The thing that
I was the best at.

I had a point of view, a voice.

People actually wanted
to read me.

I was published
in the school journal at 15.

Column at Barnard. Iowa at 22.

It was all working.
And then I met her.

Who?

An actress acquaintance
of mine once said

that every actor
has their Meryl.

Someone who,
no matter what you do,

you will never be seen
the way they're seen.

You could give
the same performance,

you could give one better,
doesn't matter,

because you're not her.

My Meryl had that thing.

She was part magnet,
part mirror.

You'd feel both, like,
drawn to her

and exposed by her
at the same time.

We would have to...

write a thousand words
on our first time.

Mine was honest, brutal, brave.

Hers, banal.

It didn't matter.

People clapped after mine.
They cried reading hers.

She had it. And...

it wasn't until meeting her
that I realized I didn't.

Sounds like what she had
was a sense of entitlement.

No, that was me.

I... I thought
I deserved success.

I...

thought I could be the best.

I guess some people just...

go by unnoticed.

You still write?

Yes. But the difference is
that now I know I'm not Meryl.

I write for myself.

No expectation
or hope of validation.

And in a small way,
I think that

who I am now
might do more for the world

than I ever could have
being famous.

You mean as a teacher?

Mm-hmm.

Not what you were expecting.

- It's just a lot to think about.
- It shouldn't be.

Julien will get back to everyone
once she's reviewed her options.

Well, first and foremost,

Sephora listens
to our partners' voices.

And we're the only company here
that prioritizes

Black-owned beauty brands.

We value inclusion
and individuality.

And, in fact,
we're always looking for ways

to educate ourselves
and improve.

We're not just about makeup.
We wanna make a difference.

We'd be happy to sign
a nonexclusive two-year deal

where you, and only you, choose
what to put out into the world.

If interested, let us know
in the next 24 hours.

You'd be the youngest influencer
we've ever contracted with.

- I'll see where your cars are.
- Yeah.

Ten texts from Julien
asking how I am,

- but nothing from the hospital.
- I'm sure everything's okay.

Gonna call
the nurses' station again.

Oh, God! What?

- What is it?
- Hmm? Nothing.

Just, uh, a lawsuit
that won't go away.

He'll settle.

Ah, not sure
about this one.

- The press are all over it.
- What is it?

It's none of our business, Zoya.

It's an in-house dispute.

A few years ago,
one of my CCOs asked an employee

to stop discussing
his marital problems

- in the office.
- That's a lawsuit?

Well, it is when the spouse
is a man.

He gets divorced.

We get accused of showing
preferential treatment

to heterosexual staffers,

in a lawsuit that has
the temerity to suggest

that NetCorp cultivates

a pervasive
anti-gay workplace environment.

- Well, do you?
- Zoya, stop.

We made a company-wide request
that any conversation

regarding personal relationships
should stay outside the office.

And if it wasn't discrimination,
why did it take

a gay colleague's actions
to implement the policy?

Oh, you really are
a lawyer's daughter, aren't you?

- Hello?
- Look...

- Do not put me on hold.
- I'm not homophobic.

Neither is my company.

We're one of the first
to give partners healthcare,

to grant paternity leave.
We treat them equally.

Not if you use the term "them."

Well, what am I supposed
to call them now?

- I'll just meet you outside.
- Okay.

Oh, what did I say now?

You know, you can be a little
bit more sensitive, okay?

You never know how someone
at the table identifies.

Oh. Uh, so, you're, um...

I'm not,
but what does that matter?

No. No. Zoya's, uh...
Zoya's my girlfriend.

Are you saying Akeno?

Hello? Oh, hi.
Yeah, she's good? Great.

Um... Sorry, I have to go. Um...
Yep. Mm-hmm. She's great? Great.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

- What... what was that?
- I just...

I just outed my boyfriend
to his parents.

I cannot believe
what I just did.

- I'm a horrible person.
- Wait. Aki's...

It's 2021, Zoya.

He doesn't have to label it.
But yes, he's queer, he's bi.

I don't know.
He hasn't decided yet, okay?

Shit.

You know what? No, it's fine.
This is not my fault. It's not.

He wanted me to come tonight.
I didn't wanna come tonight.

I wanted to stay
at the hospital. I...

- I shouldn't...
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

You're just...
You're just exhausted, okay?

You're dealing with something
very heavy right now.

- He'll understand.
- Okay, so...

So... so what do... what do I do?

How do I... How do I...
What do I do?

You gotta tell him
what happened.

Absolutely not. No.

And don't you dare,
or I swear to God, Zoya,

I'll set a fire
and I'll blame it on you.

Hello? This
is Ms. Smith from the nurse's station.

What's that noise?

Is anyone there?
Hello? Hello?

- Hello?
- Hello?

- Hello?
- Ms. Hope?

Yes. This is... this is...

We have an update
about your mother.

Okay.

I might just get the subway.

- This late?
- It's not even 10:00.

Zoya's still out.

We can go back upstairs,
talk some more,

see if our taxi luck changes.

You know, thanks again
for taking Zoya under your wing.

It really means the world that
she has someone she can trust.

- Next time, I'll cook?
- Next time.

Hi. I'm going to Bushwick and Myrtle.

Spotted.

Hot for teacher
plus hot for a teacher.

Seems Z Daddy may be confusing
PTA with PDA.

Whatever's going on,

it's my kind of
after school special.

Hi.

I ha... I have to go.
It's my mom.

- Is she okay?
- I don't know.

They say she is,
but I don't know.

Look, I may have said something
to your parents, so I'm sorry.

Sixty-ninth and York please.
It's an emergency.

It's okay. Whatever it is,
it'll be okay, all right?

Okay. Okay. Okay.
Come here. I love you.

- Just call me when you get there, all right?
- Okay.

Hey.

- It's often hard to...
- Hey.

- ...get in touch with him but...
- Hey, Obie.

I'll be right there.

Yeah?

You're mad.

Why'd you have to go
so hard at him?

Roger? He said it was fine.

Of course he said
it was fine, Zoya.

- And my mom...
- Your mom what?

Never mind.

Yeah, she doesn't like me.
I get it.

Should she, after
how you behaved in there?

How I behaved?

You know, I'm sure she thinks
that you're fine.

Okay. Look, I know you
didn't want me coming tonight,

but you know something?
I'm glad that I did.

Because now I know that
your mom's not the problem.

It's how you are
when you're around her.

Of course it's not her.
Like it's not Simon.

Like it's not Gossip Girl.

Like it's not any number
of things that you blame.

The problem is me, and the fact that
you don't seem to like me anymore.

Pot, meet the kettle.

Zoya, what are you saying?

Julien said to stand up
for myself tonight,

to not let you pull away,
to... to fight for what I want.

But I guess that only works
for you and your mom

- if it's Julien.
- Wow.

I see how you are
when you're around her.

You'll really grasp at anything,
won't you?

- Except...
- Except what?

Otto...

The car.

Obie, tell her
we're still talking.

I have to go.

You're already gone, aren't you?

Nice to have met you, dear.

Do not go anywhere! Please!

How long were you waiting there,
creeper?

I knew it wasn't
a casual dinner.

Plus, weekends are my shift.

And bullet point six
in your manila manifesto

was to keep up posts on teachers
to avert suspicion.

Doesn't feel good being
a subject, though, does it?

That gossip shoe
is on the other girl's foot,

and that metaphor
didn't work at all,

- so I'm gonna stop.
- I was there

to get more information
on Zoya and Julien's mother,

which I did.

Great. Give it to me.
I'll post it.

I can't. He'll know
it was from me.

So you got information
you can never use?

I can use it at some point,
very strategically.

You lost all objectivity

the second you stepped foot
in that apartment.

You should have said no
to dinner.

You wanna play God?
You have to be above it all.

You can't expose the truth
when you're a part of it.

It's not that simple.

And once you end it with him,
and with Zoya, it will be again.

- What?
- I'm proud of you, that's all.

You said you'd do something
great with your platform,

and you did.

It's the Calloway guarantee,
right?

Is Luna trying to
talk you out of Sephora?

No. I'm waiting on Zoya.

She told me she'd call me
after dinner

and tell me how it went,
but it's 11:00.

And what are you hoping to hear?

That it went well
or that it didn't?

Of course that it went well.

You can tell me you still have
feelings for him.

Maybe I still have feelings
for him, but Obie's with Zoya.

Not right now, he isn't.

Hey.
What are you doing here?

Hey, can you stop, uh,
messing with my life, please?

What? How am I messing
with your life?

Um, ambushing my mom,

telling Zoya to invite herself
to family dinner, and...

encouraging her
to Zoya all over everyone

once she's there.

- I was just trying to help.
- Why?

Why are you trying to help?

What do you mean, "Why?"
She's my sister.

And that's it?

You're not trying to sabotage it
like the birthday party

or the... the fashion show?

I'm not trying
to sabotage anything.

I want you to be happy.

Which one of us?

"BURN YOUR LIFE DOWN"
BY BLEACHERS PLAYING...

Both of you.

♪ Just staring
At the ceiling above... ♪

Well, I'm not.

I used to be.

♪ Such a waste
Of all your time ♪

You should go.

♪ You keep on fighting
To remember ♪

♪ That nothing is lost
In the end ♪

Do you want me to?

You get like this
whenever Helena's here.

Maybe one day, you'll be able
to show her who you really are

instead of taking out the fact
that you can't

on the people who love you.

♪ Then you burn... ♪

People who love me.

♪ Burn your life down ♪

Hmm.

♪ And if I break my heart
Around this ♪

♪ If I break my heart
Around this ♪

♪ If I break my heart
Around this ♪

♪

Housing is a human right!
Housing is a human right!

We're out here at
the Brooklyn Navy Yard protest!

It's all over the news.

It's pretty ballsy,
protesting your parents.

- Do you think it's bad?
- You kidding?

If your mom were here,

she'd be dragging us
down there right now.

So what's stopping you?

Just be sure to check in with me
every couple hours, okay?

Yes.

I saw that.

She speaks.

A little too much, apparently.

- Dinner?
- Not my finest hour,

unless you're a fan
of judgmental grandstanding.

I'm sure it couldn't have been
that bad.

Hey, Dad,

how do you know when to speak up
or... or stay quiet?

As a general rule,

I say speak up
whenever you feel you have to,

if only to make up for the
hundreds of years we couldn't.

But if you hurt someone
with your words,

you have to be able
to live with it,

or learn from it.

And an apology
can go a long way.

Housing is a human right!

Housing is a human right!
Housing is a human right!

Oh, my God. He listened to me.

We're out here at the
Brooklyn Navy Yard protest!

He's taking a stand.

I... I... I gotta go.

Okay.
Stay safe, please.

Yes. Will do.

Turns out
"nothing to worry about"

is hospital code for
"your mom has sepsis."

Her fever is down and they're
running more tests, so...

Jesus, I'll head right over.

It's okay. I'm fine.
I promise.

Have your parents mentioned
anything about you?

About what?

Actually, I should go.
I'll call you with updates.

- Everything okay?
- Yeah. Um...

Kiki's gonna be fine.
Thank God.

And you?

Uh, why wouldn't I be okay?

If you ever wanna talk...

- about anything...
- I'm good.

You and Max Wolfe seem to be

a lot of time together.

Yeah, he's just helping out
with Audrey stuff.

I have a lot of homework to do. Can
you close the door on your way out?

Uh, your father called.

He wants to see you again
before he leaves.

He's touring the new complex
with Helena.

I could go with you.

I know how to get
to the Navy Yard, Mom.

Of course.

Mom? Oh, my God.
They said you're...

- Audrey, I'm so sorry.
- It's okay.

Careful.
You've been in and out, so...

I'm so sorry. I did not mean
to do this to you, honey.

You didn't do anything
to me, Mama.

Okay? I'm just so glad
you're okay.

You must be so mad at me.

They said you've been here
this whole time.

In this depressing place
alone, just...

worrying about me.

I've had Aki and... and Max,

and they haven't left me alone
for a second, so...

That's good.
That's really good.

I'm so sorry
that I didn't talk to you.

I'm sorry that I pushed you away

and that I tried to do
everything by myself. I'm...

You just needed help.

We all do sometimes.

It's okay to ask for it.

I need your help.

- Come here.
- I love you so much.

I love you so much.
Come here to me.

- I'm so glad you're okay.
- You too.

Rafa's not just my teacher.

Hmm. Yeah.

Yeah, I figured that much out.

- Did you...
- No. No, Max. Of course not.

Okay. Good. That's good.

He said he was concerned
about you...

at ten o'clock at night, then...

when I got over there,
he didn't wanna talk about you,

- so I put it together.
- And you just left?

I stayed for a drink,
and that was it.

Has that been it?
With anyone since...

You know, Max, that's really
none of your business.

It is when I have to
listen to Dad

cry himself to sleep
every night.

All right.

Watching Audrey go through
what she's going through,

never leaving her mom's side,

I didn't have to do that
with you,

but you've always
done that for me.

And I always will.

You need to do that with Dad.

Oh God, Maxie.

Rafa's not a good person.

I figured that out.
Stay away from him, okay?

- Of course.
- I know I'm gonna.

♪

It's really good to see you.

Housing is a human right!

Tell me
what's a human right?

Housing is a human right!

Tell me
what's a human right?

Housing is a human right!

Tell me
what's a human right?

Housing is a human right!

Tell me
what's a human right?

Obie!

You're here. Are you kidding?
You never come to these things.

It's important to you,
and I wanted to apologize.

I never should've been
giving you advice...

No. Look, I needed to hear it.

And, honestly, I feel better
than I have in a long time.

Do you have one of those for me?

Yeah. Here. A few.

Say it louder!

Housing is a human right!

Tell me
what's a human right?

Housing is a human right!

Z!

Z, wait.

- Dad.
- Oh, there you are.

Come. It's not safe here.

- Have you seen Otto?
- I think he's over there.

- Housing is a human right!
- Tell me what's a human right?

Why'd you ask me to come down?

Because I've got to get straight
to the airport from here.

Mr. Menzies!
Mr. Menzies! A few questions.

Mr. Menzies,
Gigi Stone Woods, NBC News.

What do you have to say
about reports

that a federal lawsuit
has been filed

claiming NetCorp Media
demonstrates bias

against its LGBTQ members?

Gigi, how could I
or my company be accused

of being homophobic
when my own son Aki here,

who I love very, very much,

is gay himself?

Now, if you'll excuse me.

No, I'm not... I'm not gay.
I'm bisexual.

My dad is very complic...

Housing is a human right!

- Tell me what's a human right?
- Housing is a human right!

♪

Wait, Zoya.

Was this your plan all along?

Be friends with me just so you
could get close to him again?

Of course not. You're my sister.

And you're Julien Calloway.
You always get what you want.

So why do all this?
Why not just take him?

He didn't want me.
He wanted you.

Are you still in love with him?

- That's... that's not...
- Do you still love him?

Yes. Do you?

No beds, no peace!
No beds, no peace!

Zoya!

We have to get out of here.
It's getting too crazy.

I'm not going anywhere.

More cops are on the way.

You called the cops?

Do you see what these people
are doing?

They are going to
break down the doors.

I have to protect
my property, Otto.

No beds, no peace!

Is that what I am,
your property?

You've had your fun,
now come and...

Otto.

Otto, no.

There comes a moment
in every child's life when you realize...

Otto!

...the horrible truth
that's been hid from you all along.

- Your parents are human.
- No beds, no peace!

Just like you.

No beds, no peace!

They make mistakes
and then repeat them.

Hey, Marjorie,
now's not really a good time.

I emailed over the contract
this morning.

Are you at a protest
right now? I saw on Instagram.

Yeah, I am. Why?

If you wanna work
with us, you should probably leave.

You said you wanted my point
of view, what I stand for.

And we do.
We encourage perspective.

But protest is trickier.
If it were to turn violent,

well, we wouldn't wanna
alienate a good portion of our...

My politics are who I am.

And that's great.

Just share them through
your platform,

not through protest.

Goodbye, Marjorie.

You really have changed.

Grown,

which is how I know what things
are actually important.

- It's the right thing to do.
- I know.

But I can wish it wasn't.

They act
in their own self interests

and lie to themselves
to feel better.

They cheat, manipulate,
obfuscate, and evade.

But most of all,
they do not learn.

Hello?

- Hi.
- Hey.

"YOU DON'T KNOW HOW GLAD I AM" BY
NANCY WILSON PLAYING ON SPEAKERS...

- What's going on here?
- Glad you could make it.

What is this?

It is a thank you to my two men.

I do not know
what I would've done

without you two this week.

And all while you were going
through your own things.

Aw. Well, you did not need
to do all this.

Sit. It's my turn to shine.

♪ And I can't stop ♪

♪ Loving you ♪

Wow.

♪ And you don't know... ♪

Hey.

Therapy may help
identify your issues,

but once created,
they're there forever.

It's how you react to them
that can change.

And that is amongst
the hardest things to do.

Oh, wait. It's Wendy.

- Yes?
- Have you seen it?

- Seen what?
- What Max Wolfe just DMed?

Holy shit!

That's...

Better than
my OnlyFans subscriptions.

This could get him fired.
Maybe even arrested.

Wh... why did Max send this in?

Wait. What happened?

"HIEROGLYPHS" BY TRZTN
& KAREN O PLAYING...

Rafa! I gave him access
to the account.

He must have deleted it.

Wait. If Rafa just deleted it,
does he know we saw it?

The plain
and simple truth

is that it feels better
to be bad than do good.

This was lovely. Thank you.

Hey.

You don't have to leave,
you know?

Does he, Ak?

Do you guys not want
your privacy?

What's private from you?

♪

♪ Hier... ♪

♪ Hieroglyphs ♪

♪ Hieroglyphs ♪

♪ In the dust
Of the first eclipse ♪

♪ Reach around
For the perfect script ♪

♪ Perfect script ♪

♪ Hier... ♪

♪ Hier... ♪

♪ Hieroglyphs ♪

♪

'Cause at some point,

if everyone else is being human,
you might as well be human too.

Aki, Dad.

I know you're angry.

But understand that...

Look...
I do support you. Always will.

There's one thing
I forgot to mention.

Just for a little while,
at least, stay away from Julien.

If you call me back,
I'll talk you through it.

♪ Hier... ♪

♪ Hieroglyphs ♪

But don't worry,
you'll pay for it later.

XOXO, Gossip Girl.