Gossip Girl (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Hope Sinks - full transcript

*GOSSIP GIRL (2021)*
Season 01 Episode 05

Good afternoon,
followers! Gossip Girl here,

your one and only, etcetera,
amen. Oscar Wilde once said,

"Give a man a mask,
and he will tell you the truth,"

which is why I love Halloween.

Because what was once created
to honor the dead

tends to leave bodies
in its wake.

For when you don your disguise,

- the false sense of security it provides...
- Yo! Watch it!

- ...always leads to loose lips
- Fuck off, kid.

That'll sink
both friends...



...and relationships before dawn's early light.

- Come on, bring it!
- Fucking asshole.

But I don't wanna spoil the fun.

After all, the biggest scares

are the ones
you never see coming.

See you on the other side,

dead or alive.

Okay.

That might have been
the best one all week.

We can't do it at school again.

- That's what you say every time.
- Yeah, well, if we got caught...

Your generation always
feel so guilty after they come.

- Hmm.
- So sweet.

I'll see you tonight?



Inside my apartment
for a change?

Ah, you didn't like
the fire escape or the roof

- or the stoop, huh?
- Hmm.

♪ ♪

Hey, girl.

Hi.

- Hey.
- Hi.

They always find each other,
like magnets.

Consider me on the other side.
Repelled.

- Come on.
- So, where are we headed? Dover Street Market

- or Thai Diner?
- Did you forget our plans or...

I actually have to go visit
my grandma.

- You can come if you want.
- I was talking,

right? Those weren't just voices
in my head.

Oh, no because the voice
in your head

is probably screaming right now.

Why are you guys sitting
at this table?

I mean, they're... they're all
the same tables.

- The same table?
- The same table? Okay, now.

That, like everything
but your outfit,

was carefully chosen.

The way the light hits,
the proximity to the trash.

The fact that people
have to uncomfortably

turn their head to the left
to take us on.

Hey, where... where's the brooch
that we said we'd shoot you wearing?

Oh, do you mean
the Burmese ruby?

Do you know they're called
genocide gems?

Hmm. Who told you that?

If Z had done her research,

she would know that Cartier
doesn't use Burmese rubies.

So there goes
that sponsored post.

We could just hang around
the Shibui pool.

You two have been spending
an awful lot of time together.

Yeah. Well, Julien
is on a mission

to show everybody
that we really are friends

and what she said
at my birthday party wasn't just

some publicity stunt
to boost her followers.

Which worked, by the way.

So, what are we doing
for Halloween?

I was thinking you, me, and Obie
could do something together?

Someone will definitely take a
photo, and there's no better way

to prove that things are great
between us than a group hang.

Hashtag Disney+.

I kind of already agreed to go
with Obie

to this party one of the witches
from Hocus Pocus throws.

Oh, um... Hulaween.
How could I forget?

I'll just hang out
with you girls.

If you mean to Hulaween,
then yes, of course.

This year's theme
is New York Legends.

If you're not there, you're
basically admitting you're not one.

Plus, this is the first
Halloween post-COVID.

So you're still defined
by that humiliating loss

to Pippa Sykes and Bianca Breer
from the year before.

Who?

Two bland girls
from another school

that want what JC has,

except they're always too busy
fucking each other's boyfriends

and pushing each other into fountains...

...to get after it
and honestly, it's so basic.

They might as well be bots.

- But we still have to beat them.
- A couples contest?

Isn't that kinda middle school?

Like, what, do you get a trophy
or something?

A trophy? No, try your photo
on the landing pages

of the holy trifecta: Vogue, Harper's, and WWD.

Add Miss GG to that mix.

Obie never said
anything about a couples costume.

Well, no need to worry,

'cause, uh, Aki and I
are gonna win.

We have picked the perfect
New York legends,

- Greta and Noah, yes.
- Ooh.

- Ew.
- And unlike them at the Oscars,

we will not be going home
empty-handed.

So you and Aki...

We are figuring things out,
slowly but surely,

and, uh, with no interference,
and that's what counts.

Yeah. You need to think
of something great, JC,

because you can't lose again.

Well, how am I supposed to do
a couples costume by myself?

Couples are a dead binary.
Be Rihanna or Oprah.

They don't even need last names,
let alone a partner to do anything.

Why is everyone
on their phones?

- Hey.
- You guys see what happened?

Some kid brought a gun
to school.

- Holy shit.
- You're back on Insta?

Oh, my God! Of course,
it's Pippa and Bianca's school.

Now they're gonna get
the sympathy vote.

Can you believe it?

My entire life flashed
before my eyes.

- Like, all 16 years.
- Right in front of us.

I didn't wake up today
thinking I would be a hero,

but when I screamed
and everyone ran...

Love each other.
Life is precious.

Join us on Clubhouse
where we talk trauma.

♪ Invite only.

You need to take those barely
sentient succubi down

before they wind up
on This American Life,

because you can't compete
with that.

So, what are you gonna do?

You guys, a kid brought
a gun to school.

Doesn't that make
a costume contest

- seem a little frivolous?
- Or a good way to process.

- Hmm.
- Maybe this is the year we forgo all of that?

Hey, we don't have to go
if you don't want to.

I mean, I wanna go, it's just
the dressing up part.

Do they know why he brought
a gun to school?

Gossip Girl, of course.

Nice to see you all.

Some more than others.

If I didn't know any better,

I'd think you've been
avoiding me.

Seems you know pretty well, huh?

We're gonna be late
for practice.

Remember? My dad and I
are gonna go see my grandma.

Hmm. Dumbo Hall later?
Most of us.

Ah.

What did I ever do to you
that you didn't ask for?

- Give us some space?
- Ah.

So that's how it's gonna be.
Okay. So, wait,

you fucked up fucking me
and I get the shaft?

We apologized to each other,

but you don't think you did
anything wrong.

See, that's your thing, Max.
You never do anything wrong.

You're all id all the time,
and, honestly,

- my ego is just exhausted by it.
- Aw.

Okay. Well, look, don't worry,
you can rest easy now.

Messy Max
still in effect.

Seems to be back to normal
to me.

Hmm.

♪

- Do you think...
- Hmm.

I don't think,
because I don't care.

And while what happened

may have been a tragedy avoided,
authorities remain on alert

as we move in
to Halloween weekend.

Dr. Nan Barchek is with us,
a child psychologist

here to talk about how parents
can be more mindful

of the role
sites like Gossip Girl

and Discord play
in their kids' life.

- Dr. Barchek, thanks for coming.
- This is our fault.

My sources say that
that student's family

are big game hunters.

Like, they showed up strapped
to Christmas Mass.

We're not responsible for what
every disturbed kid in Manhattan does.

We are when that kid
was targeted

in Gossip Girl-tagged photos.

We inadvertently created
a platform for his bullies

to publicly humiliate him

and a forum for them to go off
in the comments.

We can't control who tags us
and what they write on our posts.

And it's because of Gossip Girl
that they were able to identify

what happened and who was
behind it. In a way,

we're kind of heroes.

Okay, fine. Antiheroes,
like Batman.

Just because it ended well
this time

doesn't mean it will the next.

I mean, don't you worry if we've
been too hasty on all of this?

- Too rash?
- Define "all this," 'cause we've done, um,

many rash things: taking photos
of undressed teenagers

from outside their window,
getting our friend fired?

It started out as a small,
in-school social experiment.

But it's become
a citywide enterprise

that needs someone
to constantly babysit it.

I don't feel right
about it anymore.

Wow, submits a story
to The Paris Review once.

This has nothing to do with whether
or not my story gets published.

This is about real lives
at stake.

We should take a break
from posting.

Seriously? Remember when you
couldn't take a day off?

Now you wanna walk away?

If this is
about finding extra time,

Wendy and I can pick up
more slack.

I think we proved ourselves
last time.

It's not that.

What we're doing
has consequences.

It's best
we take a break,

see if things cool off,
and who knows?

Maybe it existing
for that brief while

- made a difference.
- This isn't just your decision.

Sometimes even Batman
has to just be...

Bruce whoever.

Regardless of what
Kate Jung Un thinks,

we have a say in this.
And we can do what we want.

Wayne. Bruce Wayne.

You def beat your time.

I lucked out, man,
everybody was slower today.

- Everyone's on edge.
- Yeah.

I wish Julien hadn't told Zoya
about the couples costumes.

Why?

Everything's good between them.
You can relax.

Maybe, uh, have a good time
with your girlfriend for a change?

Okay, but see, you say
that word, and I'm like,

"Okay, is she my girlfriend?

Or are we just two people that
meet up for dinner occasionally?"

Dude, don't worry.
It's only been a month.

- Things move slower where she's from.
- Yeah.

You and Julien lost your
virginities to each other so quick,

no one even knew
it had happened.

Yeah, but I'm not even talking
about sex, dude.

It's like when we first met...

Thank you. When we first met,
she was so full of ideas

and... and thoughts
and we'd talk for hours,

and now, it's like...

It's like I just
monologue at her

and then wait for her
to interrupt me.

Uh, maybe you're
afraid of it now that it's real?

All the obstacles
that were in your way are gone.

And you finally have free time
to get to know each other now.

Which can be scary.

Unless this is about Julien...

No one would blame you
if you still...

No, I like Zoya.

It's just some growing pains,
that's all.

I'm sorry.
No matter how many buses I'm on,

I can never really manage
to find my balance.

Uh, no, you're good.
It's my fault.

I was on my phone.

Yeah. What's a Gossip Girl?

Hey, stranger!
Just creeping on my phone?

I'm sorry. I... I don't really
have any phone etiquette.

And it's, uh, it's mainly
because I only have one of these

in case of emergency.

So, you really don't read
Gossip Girl?

No. And, uh,
no offense or anything.

It just doesn't really
seem like my thing.

Well, you must not be from here.

No, I am. I actually, uh,
go to school near here.

Oh, I hope it's not the school
I've been hearing about all day.

Oh, man, are you okay?

It was just pretty intense,
you know.

Uh, I just feel pretty bad
that I didn't, like,

- see it coming.
- How could you?

Well, I'm on a scholarship,
like Jared is.

And, uh, you know, at a school
like ours,

that can either give you
a superiority complex

or add to you feeling different.

And, you know, mix that in
with evil rich kids

that are exploiting that anxiety
and pushing those buttons

and using us
to make themselves feel better

about their privilege?

Yeah, I'm not that surprised
that it escalated.

And if that Gossip Girl
is what it sounds like,

you know, I imagine
that probably made it worse.

Yeah. And I would be the
first person to agree with you.

So, why look at it?

I guess because everybody does.

Well, you know what? Uh, now
you know someone who doesn't.

Or you're getting to know
someone, at least. Uh, Simon Rivera.

Uh, Zoya Lott.
It... It's nice meeting you.

I would keep talking,
but this is my stop.

Well, maybe I'll see you on here
again some time.

- Hey!
- Hey! I'm just here to change.

I'll be going out.

Well, you gotta eat somewhere,
right?

I'm making miso salmon
and sushi rice.

It's your favorite.

Why are you staring at me?

I don't remember the last time
you cooked anything.

I cooked last Christmas Eve,
or the one before that.

- Um, I'm not that hungry, but...
- Oh.

...I guess I should be happy
that you got out of bed...

even though you didn't bother
to shower.

Um, I'll have leftovers
tomorrow.

- Um, actually, honey, I...
- What?

I... I need to talk to you
about something.

Um, I have some news.

Has the company been bailed out?

Um... We are going to have
to move home.

- We are home.
- No, to Cornwall.

That is not my home.
That's your home.

And after way too many years
being stuck in that place,

I am never going back there.

Plus, Cornwall is two hours
away. I can't comm...

Oh. You wanna pull me
out of school too.

- Yes, Audrey.
- And of course,

you didn't actually
make me dinner.

Of course not.

It's never an honest gesture
with you.

Just another selfish act.

You know what? I thought I would
do something nice for you,

but you're right,
there's no point.

- I have a migraine.
- Wait! Just... Just wait, okay?

Why don't you just
sell the other house?

Because it wouldn't even cover

the cost of the maintenance
here.

This is not up for discussion,
okay?

I don't have a job,
we have debt.

- We don't have a choice.
- It's not "we" anything.

I had nothing to do with this,
okay?

I am not going anywhere.

You can figure something out.

If you have to design
headbands at an airport kiosk,

so be it.

♪

It was absolutely ridiculous.

And then she just left me
standing there

like I'm supposed to be happy
to play Little Edie to her Big

in some sad suburban shanty.
It's...

Shanty?

- It's on five acres.
- That is not the point.

I just feel like things
are finally getting back

to normal around here.
I'm not going anywhere.

Plus, the only reason
that Connecticut even exists

is to create landmass
between Boston and New York.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, hmm.

♪ ♪

- Did you just text me angry cat emojis?
- Yes.

Can you please focus
on possibly losing me forever

instead of already looking
for someone better?

And you have a right
to be upset with Kiki,

but I think it's unfair
to label her financial issues

- as a minor setback.
- Wow.

Aki taking both sides again.

What a refreshing
change of pace.

Hey! He isn't here, Akeno.

Another DM in distress
to your account, JC.

Gaten Matarazzo says,
"I know what it's like

to have to pretend to get along
with your co-stars.

I understand why you're doing
the same with your sis. Hearts."

I don't even know him.
Ugh. I just don't understand.

When I told my fans that that
apricot scrub ruined their skin,

sales plummeted 30 percent.

How is it I can't even
convince them

I'm friends with my own sister?

Hate to say this,
but you lost credibility

the second you took your finger
off your apps.

If you want people
to listen to you,

you need to remind them
of the JC that they listened to,

which means no more
no-phone zone.

No more filter-free
once-a-week post.

Full-on, full-time, Julien.
That's how.

Let us do our jobs again?

- Stay Zoya-friendly.
- I like a challenge.

Yay! You're here.

Great.
Just in time for shots.

Nothing says sisterhood
like an All Hallows pre-game.

- I'll get the mezcal.
- Mm-hmm.

Get the whole bottle.

Hey so, um...

...you remember that article
I mentioned on deforestation

and how it, like,
affects public health?

- Mm-hmm.
- Well, the professor's actually giving a speech this weekend

at Columbia, and I thought
that maybe we could go.

It's cool. It's, like... It's
about, you know, the footprint

from wildlife preserves and just
got me thinking that, um...

You know what? This can wait.

How was your day?

The strangest thing happened.
I was on a bus,

and I started having
this convers...

- Mm-hmm.
- Can we not?

I mean, in front of Julien?

Yeah, yeah, of course, yeah.

I have to pee.

Hey! So, you know

when you manipulated your dad
to give up his entire life

to move to New York for you,
how did you do it?

A lot of it had to do with how much
better my education would be here.

Ugh. Stop, this is not gonna
help me.

Also, he grew up here.
He knew the city.

All I had to do was remind him
what he liked most about it.

I'm gonna go get a...
Get some more tea.

- Do you guys want anything?
- Um... um, yes, please, actually.

- Hello?
- Mr. Wolfe, it's Aki Menzies.

I'm trying to reach Max,

but he's not answering
his phone.

Aki, hello.

He hasn't been home
much all week.

Has he not been with you?

I had assumed
he was avoiding here

because of his father weeping
in the guest room most nights.

But he finally moved out today.

And so the only one
weeping here is me.

Sorry to hear that, sir.

Polite as always.

If you see my son,
let him know the coast is clear

for his return.

Of course, Mr. Wolfe.

- Hey.
- Oh, Zoya, hey!

I'm shocked
to see you here.

I didn't think this would be
your kind of place.

It's not. No. Uh...

I actually just had dinner
with my investment banker cousin

who, quote, "Only dines
at members-only."

I see that and I raise you
an influencer sister

who drags me here every day.

- Oh. Really?
- Yeah.

We're, uh, sitting over there
if you want to join.

Uh, no offense or anything,
I just kind of want to leave

as soon as possible.

I get it. I'm only here to be
on display for her

"Halloween is for family"
campaign.

Okay.

Uh... Well,
would it be presumptuous of me

to maybe give you
my phone number?

I just feel that it's, you know,
important for like-minded souls to...

- you know, stick together.
- Uh, I'm... I'm actually, um...

No, wa... wait, I don't... I don't
mean it like that or anything.

It's just, uh... a kid brought
a gun to my school today.

And it's just that, you know,
it's got me thinking that,

you know, life, it's...
It's too short.

I mean, not to hang out
with people

that you really connect with.

Yeah.

Right. Yeah. Of course.
Why not? All right.

♪

Okay. So, great news.
Brilliance has struck,

and I have the perfect plan
to get my mom here.

- That's awesome.
- That's great, babe.

Hello? What are you guys
looking at?

Who's the hot guy?

Guess who was at the bar
with a gaggle of hangers-on,

- rehashing their brush with death?
- Mm.

Bianca was apoplectic
so I love that.

There you are.

We need to coordinate our
Sister Assault for this weekend.

I wanna do fall colors
in the morning and then...

What if we did
a couples costume ourselves?

Us, together?
Like the Kardashians?

Oh, um, why didn't you guys
think of that?

Um, because the Kardashians
aren't even an autocorrect anymore.

And because your brand
is singular, not plural.

- You do this on your own.
- Z, I thought that,

you know, I thought
that we're pairing up?

You said you didn't want to.

- My friend, Simon, had the idea.
- Wait, Simon? That's the guy

- that was... that you were... you were with?
- Huh?

Oh, yeah.
We were just talking.

I'm so in this with you.

Let's start
brainstorming sisters.

- Uh, Jo and Amy.
- Ooh, Elsa and Anna?

- Celie and Nettie.
- Katniss and Prim.

Uh, Cordelia and Goneril?

- The Lohans, two Lohans.
- Elena and Lila.

- All of the Olsens.
- This is a joke, right?

If I have to go along with this,
you do too.

- We'll find the right look.
- So stoked.

- Ooh.
- Ugh, God.

Wow!

I didn't know people
from Constance

even knew about this place.

- Did you hear what happened to me?
- Us.

Do you mean what happened
near you?

Do you know what else
will be happening near me?

- The press crowning me winner when I show up to Hulaween...
- We.

- ...with the perfect costume.
- ...umes.

That'll pale in comparison
with ours.

Because we have a better story.

Blood being thicker
than Franzia, after all.

I'll see you from the dais...

...whoever you are.

Well,
that deserves a drink.

Hmm?

Ladies...

Spotted. We
never could have predicted this,

but looks like JC and Z...

...really have buried
the hatchet.

Too bad Z buried it
in Obie's back.

Remember when I said
not to worry?

I think you should worry.

Why are you WhatsApp-ing me?

Because I wanted you to see
how angry I am.

We said we would stop posting.

Technically, you said
we would stop posting,

but then we got a photo
of Zoya and that rando.

And then this photo,
Obie alone,

sadder than sad Keanu.
How could we not post it?

I was just making a meme.
Here's Lobie eating pie.

Here's Lobie on a horse.

Here's Lobie
with Bernie Mittens. And...

Please just stop.

- Hello.
- Ms. Keller? Kate?

Uh, sorry.
Now is not a good time.

Uh, it's Nick.

Lott. Zoya's dad.

Oh, hi. Uh, how did you, um...

Uh, it's on
the emergency phone tree.

I hope you don't mind me
calling.

You know, I saw the news
this morning about that kid

at the other school and well...

Did Zoya say
anything about it?

Uh, people are blaming
this Gossip Girl.

I know they've talked
about Zoya, too.

Actually, I was thinking
you could ask her.

Yeah, back in Buffalo, she was...
Just so focused on school.

Always the extra credit kid.

And now she's going out
all the time

with her sister, boyfriend.

And my mom suggested
that I get a tutor.

And, you know, just to get Zoya
back on track.

And as you're her
favorite teacher, I thought...

I have been wanting
to get more involved at school.

What are you doing
after school tomorrow?

Tomorrow? Um, nothing.

For fuck's s...

Tried you a few times
last night.

Phone's on "do not disturb."

You and your dad
must be pretty broken up

about your Pops
leaving the house, huh?

We're gonna be late to class.

- Said you never.
- What is this, huh?

I'm doing great
for the first time in weeks

with just my own chemistry
and you're draining my dopamine.

Maybe there's a teacher
you can fuck to get it back.

Oh, okay. I see.
So this isn't a haze,

it's a visit
from the purity police?

This can ruin his career, Max.

This can follow you around
forever. For life.

Well, uh, if you want me
to stop so bad...

you can always make me.

I'm just trying to be
your friend here.

No, but you're not my friend,
Ak. Are you?

I'm just someone you can project
your fantasies onto.

And now that your girlfriend
wants me out of the picture,

you've realized how bored
and basic you are without me.

And that's not my fault.

You tell a single soul,
what you know...

and what I do to you next
will be.

♪

♪

- Everything all right?
- Yeah, um,

I just... I can't hang out
after school.

My dad got me into some sort
of tutoring session.

Well, for the next half hour,
we're your tutors, got it?

Why are we doing this?

She should just do her thing
with Obie

and you should do yours, alone.

The sister thing is cute.

It's only cute
if the idea is cute.

Hmm. Swipe.

The costumes,
they can't just be cool.

They have to tell a story.
Specifically, our story.

Taking control of the narrative
is about owning the accusations.

We should play into what people
are saying about us.

So, do a legendary rivalry?

- Exactly.
- All right.

Wink at the rumors
while also putting them to bed.

What if we did
SJP and Kim Cattrall

or... or Keke Palmer
and that man?

- Bey and Solange.
- Oh, my God. Duh!

Wait! But they're not rivals.

- They're really close, right?
- Are they though?

I mean, they are sisters
in the same field, right?

And the world is constantly
trying to see

- what's up between them, so it's perfect.
- Right.

That's exactly our story.

This is gonna be
our defining moment.

Okay. So obviously,
you're Beyoncé.

- Lemonade or Homecoming?
- Hmm. Too expected.

What about one of the royal
looks from Black is King?

Yes!

You, guys, if we want
really good attention,

we do the elevator.

- Good idea.
- Sister sticking up for sister, that is perfect.

And we know
you look great in orange.

Yeah, because buffalo wings
or Buffalo Exchange?

Yeah. Got it.

- Um, hey, that's my phone.
- I found the guy you were looking for

when you lied
about texting your dad.

Too bad he's private.

Is that the guy from last night?

Simon Rivera, yeah.

Are things that bad with Obie?

No. Uh, it's kind of nice to have
a friend of my own for a change.

And Simon and I have a lot
of things in common.

You and Obie have similar
interests too, right?

It's just sometimes I wonder
if he actually

cares about the things
he talks about

or if he just thinks
that he's supposed to.

Like why go to a talk

if you could just
do something, you know?

I, uh, I gotta get back.

Okay.

Send me your sizes, we'll do
a fitting tomorrow morning.

Bye.

You just missed her.

Yeah, I see that.
I came looking for you actually.

I need your help.

I wanna know what's going on.

His name is Simon Rivera,
and that's all I know.

I'm sorry, Obie.

Don't be. I'm not.

Hello, yes, this is Otto
and Helena Bergmann's son.

Yes, Obie, that's right.
I was hoping

that you could, uh,
maybe do me a favor.

- What's up, Audge?
- I was really counting on your help

- after school.
- I know, it's just...

You know when something's wrong,
and you know you can't fix it,

but you have to
see it through anyway?

You mean like this conversation?

I'm just trying to stop
Max from making a mistake

that could affect
his life forever.

- And then I'll stop by?
- No need.

I wanted a sous-chef,
not an extra guest.

- Wish me luck.
- Good luck.

Wish me luck, too.

♪

I gather
this isn't a coincidence?

More like an intervention.

I was hoping I can convince you
to stay away from Max Wolfe.

What are you doing here?

He's 17, he's a student,
he's in one of your classes.

I have no idea
what you're talking about.

And no idea why you've decided
to talk about it here.

What? Would you rather me
wait till he arrives?

But you won't.

Because you already tried this
with him and it didn't work.

Or you wouldn't be here.

I have an idea.
A photo of you two here.

Sent to Gossip Girl
for the whole world to see.

Here's what's gonna happen.

You're gonna leave.

And I won't tell Max you were
here for the sake of your friendship.

But if you ever try to say
or send anything to anyone...

I'll tell everyone how wildly
inappropriate it was

that you hit on me.

And after I said no, stalked me.

And I had no choice, but to ask
your friend Max for help.

From there, it's a pretty short
jump to suspension or...

Hey, man, don't touch me!

- I didn't.
- Everything okay here?

This kid just got
a little too close.

You might want to check his ID.
Pretty sure he's underage.

Don't worry. I'm leaving.

♪

I know that everyone
just saw that.

I've got witnesses
to back my story up.

Go home, Aki.

And leave the adults
to make our own decisions.

Hey, Audge,
can you get that?

- It's the doorman.
- Yep.

♪

Ms. Hope,
Ms. Lustbader and Ms. Talbot have arrived.

Ah, yes, send them up.

What is this?

Rachel Lustbader
and Celeste Talbot

- are on their way up now.
- Here?

And Avery Thorne
and Angela Wilcox

are on their way.

- Uh, why?
- And you love your New York friends, right?

You just haven't seen them
in, like... in, like, years?

Yeah. We... we fell
out of touch.

Well, now you can fall back in.

Go brush your hair and change.
I will fend them off

with this divine relish tray.

Go! Go! Hurry! Hurry!
Look cute, okay.

I just have to say,
it's really nice

to be here with you.

I've been feeling a little lost
lately.

But talking about literature
with someone who cares.

Yeah, it's pretty easy
to get distracted, huh?

I've been helping
this friend out with a project.

And it's been more
time-consuming than I thought.

Rewarding, but I'm worried
I only signed on

to distract myself from the fact

that I wandered off my path
a little bit.

Well, tell me about this path.

Um, life lesson me up.

Before Constance,
I wanted to be writer.

But my insecurities and fear
of failure got the best of me.

And, uh, I've been wondering
what would have happened

if I had just pushed
through them

and now I have this opportunity
to find out.

I've, um, I've submitted a story
to The Paris Review.

That's really exciting.
Well, when do you hear back?

No idea. But I won't let fear
overtake me this time.

Um, I could use a little bit
of that fearlessness myself.

Uh, the call I ignored,
it's this kid Simon.

He is...

different than anybody else
that I've met

since I moved here.

More like me, the me
I used to be, the me I was.

And not like Obie?

Thing with Obie is,
when we first met, I thought...

he might be my people.
But how could he be?

Sure, we have similar interests,
but where we're from,

h... the way we were raised,
how we see the world...

There's nothing wrong
with spending time

with someone you connect with.

Call him back.

It doesn't have to be anything
more than a new friend.

Who doesn't want more friends?

Thank you, Kate.

- Not so long, next time, okay?
- Yeah.

- I've missed you.
- Oh, I know, I missed you, too.

Everything has just been so...

But I... I should've called
you back.

- I'm so sorry.
- Don't apologize.

What a rollercoaster
you've been on.

Yeah. Bye.

- Bye.
- Bye.

What is wrong with you?

Why would you do
that to me?

What?
Surround you with your friends?

I was emotionally waterboarded
for the past three hours

between your father's affair and...
and bankruptcy and our divorce.

The last thing on this Earth,
Audrey, that I wanna do

is relive that over and over
and over again.

Can you hear how irrational
you sound right now?

- Those are your friends.
- Yeah.

Who you made me debase myself
in front of all night long.

I'm so, so, so sorry

- I tried to help you.
- No. No. Don't you do that.

Don't you make this about me.
This is about you.

- Because you don't wanna move.
- You know what?

Maybe it was for me.

Maybe somebody some time
has to do something for me.

I'm the one who cooks,
I'm the one who cleans,

I'm the one who makes sure
that you're awake and alive.

No. I... I gotta to lie down.

- I can't do this.
- Oh, yeah.

- That always works. Go lie down.
- You have no idea what this feels like.

You had no idea
what I have been going through.

I am putting this apartment
on the market and that is final.

Did dad say that was okay?

What does he have to do
with any of this?

He owns half of it, right?

Maybe I should call him,
ask him to buy out your share?

Audrey, p... please.

Please don't involve him
in this.

Why? He actually cares about me.

He wouldn't pull me
out of school

just because he screwed up
his own life.

You can live wherever you want,
Katherine,

but I am not going anywhere.

I would rather be alone
than live with you any day.

Fuck you!

I hate you. I hate you!

I can't thank you enough.

Hope we didn't pull you
from anything.

An evening alone at my
apartment, while I anxiously obsess

over things beyond my control?

Zoya told me
about The Paris Review.

She's excited for you,
we both are.

Um, there's nothing
to be excited about.

I'm honestly just hoping
they can tell me

if I have a shred of talent
or if I'm a crazy person

for thinking that I do.

Not that I'd be able
to tell you,

but I'd love to read it.

You inspire my daughter.
I like to see what inspires you.

♪ Uh.

Sure. Um, why not?

- Uh, w... what's your email?
- Uh, here. I'll just...

I know what it's like to obsess
over something alone.

You should have seen
this single dad

the first night his daughter
went out in the city.

So, if you don't feel like
obsessing alone tomorrow,

you're more than welcome
to come here, distract yourself,

hand out some candy.

Oh.

♪

Sorry.

I have to go. There's, um, a...
A grading incident at school.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Halloween is the perfect time

for secret rendezvous.

But looks like Z forgot
the most important part.

Her mask.

And so this dynamic duo's
spotted again

hiding in plain fright.

Something tells us
this is going to cause

one monster of a scene
between her and Noble O.

Hmm. Looks like Z
should be playing Jay-Z instead.

He's just her friend.

She told me she
was hanging out with him.

Mm-hmm. Cool.
So, uh, give me your phone.

- You're gonna like this post.
- What?

Hell no. I've never liked
a Gossip Girl post.

I'm not gonna start now.

You said he was just her
friend, so why does it matter?

If you want people to believe
that you and Z are close,

then you need to show them
that you support her,

no matter what or where.

If you won't stop,
I'll make you.

Wait, what happened?
Where did it go?

- Interesting.
- You're good.

Someone probably dropped it.

I wonder what Gossip Girl
is up to though.

♪ ♪

- Do I look all right?
- Are we going in?

You can't go in
without Obie.

While it's too bad
he wouldn't go as the elevator,

he can at least be the man
between you.

That meta commentary will best
Pippa and Bianca

once and for all. I'll find him.

What do you think
about GG going dark?

Do you think it had to do
with that gun thing?

Everyone's talking about it.

Whatever it was, I'm just glad
it happened when it did.

Do you think Obie saw
that photo?

No. I'm sure he didn't.

- Right, Monet?
- Hmm? Yes. Sorry.

I was just trying to see how old
Catherine Zeta-Jones really is.

- What's up?
- Found, uh, whatever this is.

I'm Sinatra.

Yeah

- Hi.
- Hi.

How are you?

I'm good. Yeah.

Should I not be?

- What's the plan?
- Okay. So give me your coats.

There's a photo stop
just past the lobby,

that's where it all happens.
And you know what,

JC, you're gonna win this one,

because no one's costumes
are better than these.

♪

Wait. Is that...

What is happening?

Oh, my God.

Someone must've leaked
your costumes, but, uh, how?

Someone must've followed me
to Mood

and saw me buy all that
Orange Sherbet at Silkshire Mills.

Oh, my God.
Pippa and Bianca, stunning.

We thought about doing
something basic

like famous sisters, but decided
a metamorphosis was best.

What bigger New York icons
were there

- than Serena and Blair?
- She means Blair and Serena.

Not only were we Gossip Girl's
biggest story today,

we even killed her. RIP, bitch.

So not only is she history,
but now we are also her history.

Best frenemies forever.

Oh, my God. The Twitter gays
are already on this.

They're gonna win
the Hulaween again.

Move. Don't let anyone see you.

- Go.
- Go.

Come on, y'all.
Y'all ready to party?

Yeah. Put your hands together.

♪ I put a spell on you ♪

♪ Because you're mine
Mine, mine, mine ♪

♪ You better stop
The things you do ♪

♪ You know, I ain't lyin'
No, no, no, no, no ♪

♪ I can't stand it ♪

♪ 'Cause you've been
Runnin' 'round ♪

♪ You know better
I just can't stand it ♪

♪ 'Cause you put me down
I put a spell on you ♪

♪ Because you're mine
Oh, yeah ♪

I don't wanna leave.
And I don't know what to do

- and I'm just...
- I'll be right back.

Please hurry because whoever
is dressed as Bruce Willis

has been giving me the eye
for a half hour.

That is Bruce Willis.
Hurry faster.

Instead of following my dick
appointments around town,

why do you not get
one of your own

or is that against her rules?

Yesterday, I was worried
about you being together.

But after talking to Rafa,
I realize he's just bad.

You know I'm on top, right?
Nagging does not turn me on.

He's not a good guy, Max.

Whatever you think,
you don't know what I've seen.

At least not yet.

I just don't want you
to get hurt.

- I care about you.
- Rafa cares about me, dude.

You know nothing about him.

He... he's had a hard life.
His family disowned him,

he's got no one and I wanna fill
that void, okay?

Now, if you don't mind.

♪ I could have sold you, hey ♪

There you are.
Did you see...

- Okay, she saw.
- Can you believe it?

Pippa and Bianca
disparaging our costumes.

- Somebody told them.
- What are we gonna do?

Guys, it's just a party,
all right?

They're just clothes.

For you they might be,
but for people like me

- this gets written about.
- For years.

If you can't beat them,
destroy them.

Drive-by trip-splash
or full out “Carrie?”

You've got to be kidding.

- They can't get away with this.
- They already did.

Their photos
already on Harper's,

and if Gossip Girl were active,
it would be there too.

I have an idea.

Take off your clothes.

- Excuse me?
- What? What... What's happening?

- Do you trust me?
- I used to.

Can you help me with this?

You know, I came here
to tell all of you

that I might be leaving
all of this very soon.

But I guess that can wait.

- Okay. Cool.
- Can you get Aki in here?

I need his clothes too.

- Hey, hurry up. Get undressed.
- Uh, can you, um...

I guess this was bound
to happen eventually.

I just assumed
it would be behind a paywall.

Hey, oh, no. Keep that on.

Are you gonna clue us
on the plan at some point, JC?

No.

There are spies everywhere.

They're next in line. Hurry. Go.

Go. Go. Go.

- Our wives.
- Ladies.

We've been planning
this group costume

with P and B since last year
and the pictures complete.

I'm Dan Humphrey and...

I'm Chuck Bass.

What's gotten into you?

So, fine, they won't win,
but look at how cute they are.

Cute doesn't get you
on the cover of Vogue.

You'd be lucky
if he got you on PopSugar.

Why are you basic-bombing us?

You turned our frenemies
into common couples.

Haven't you ever heard
of sisterhood?

If one of us goes down,
we all go down together.

But why are you mad?

They would have
been nowhere before.

Then maybe they deserve to be.

Do you mean Pippa and Bianca
or our girls?

Um, can I meet you inside?

Yeah.

Hey. You keep popping
up where I least expect you to.

Well, I volunteer for the
New York Restoration Project.

So, technically, I am working.

Well, um, I don't know
if you heard,

but we crashed Gossip Girl.

Yeah. She posted a pic of us
from yesterday

and it broke the internet.
She's gone.

I admit, uh, you got me curious.
I... I looked into her but...

what do you think it is
that she's actually trying

to do?

- You want to know?
- You know, you actually mentioned

that you weren't interested
in her,

and yet you keep
bringing her up.

Must be something about it
that you find interesting.

Did you know
Mr. Caparros's cousins

have a winery in Argentina?

- I did not. No.
- Yeah. He told my mom about it

last year
at the St. Jude's fundraiser.

- Okay.
- She bought a case to be kind.

The wine tastes like shit,
but the website's actually nice.

Hmm.

Why does it feel so good
exposing the truth about people?

It does, doesn't it?

♪

Hey! You found it.

You gave me the address,
and I have a phone.

Right. Welcome.

Um, this place
has a great happy hour.

It goes until 8:00.
I come in here like every night.

Everything on draft
is half price for Halloween.

And I remember you saying
you don't like hops.

So, I was thinking maybe
the pilsner?

- It's a microbrew from Vermont.
- Uh, I'm good with water.

Okay. They have that.

- They also have wine.
- I'm sorry.

I'm confused.
I thought we were meeting

to talk about the future
of Gossip Girl.

I'm sorry
if I gave that impression.

You texted me, "We need to talk
about the future."

Right. Well...
...uh, sure. Gossip Girl.

You want it over, it's over.

But if it is, I want to talk
about what might take its place.

You... you're not angry
that I shut it down?

I didn't agree to go
on this journey with you

because I thought
it was a great idea.

I did it because I like
spending time with you

and I was thinking
maybe we can...

Yeah. I...

I get it.

Um, Jordan, you are so sweet.

Uh, you're one
of the only truly good people

in my life, maybe the only one.

You need more people
in your life.

Uh, I really can't imagine

anyone else by my side
these last few months.

- But the timing...
- Right. Of course.

The... the timing.

I should go.

I'm supposed to help out
a friend pass out candy.

That's cool. You need any help?

I think we can handle it.

Kate, I don't want Gossip Girl
to be done.

I've grown to like it.

Makes people talk face to face.

It forces conversations
that would never be had,

even this one.

What you've done,
it isn't just important,

it's vital.

Paris Review be damned.

Thank you.

I... I really have to go.

Hey.
Why're you calling?

JC. I cornered Beyoncé
and made her sing like one.

She confirmed my worst fear.

The call came
from inside the house.

Meet me at the balcony.

Sorry to interrupt.

But I came across something
I thought you might like.

A photo from last year.

Look at that,
photos of the family reunion

my cousins invited me to.

My parents didn't speak
one word to me

and made a big show of leaving
shortly after I arrived.

Thanks for that memory.

Max, do you wanna dance?

Well, I'm not usually
into masked men,

but I'll take my chances
with you.

Monet de Haan,
I knew how low you could go,

- but this is even further.
- I only stoop to conquer.

And I would've
if you hadn't interfered.

- Interfered? You sold us out.
- You sold yourself out

when you got mired
in your sister's shit.

Pippa and Bianca are
laser-focused on their futures.

They're willing to do
whatever it takes.

And they listen
to their advisers,

which now includes me.

They don't even go
to our school.

The world is bigger
than Constance, Julien.

- I thought you were my friend.
- I thought you were mine too.

Which is why I put in all
of these hours to make sure

that you are the best.

But when you abandoned all
of that

to waste your power
and your time

with that buffaloco
without even thinking

about how it would affect
other people,

I was done. After years
of doing your dirty work,

you can't just decide
that you're clean

all of a sudden.

Luna may not care, but this...

I already have
an agent at LGA, so.

But this is my future.

If you can't roll
with your clients

as they change and grow,
what future will be there?

I don't wanna do things the way
that we've always done it.

I wanna be better.

Well, good luck on being better
without me.

Good luck to you too.
I wish you the best.

Where is Audrey?

She wanted to talk,
I shouldn't have ignored her.

Ms. Yuki?

Obie Bergmann.

We met last year
at my mother's cover shoot.

Of course.
Nice seeing you, Obie.

- Yeah. Nice to see you.
- You can call me Nelly.

Oh, all right.

- You're...
- I am a... Well, I'm...

I'm a Soprano, yeah.

- You?
- Eva Chen.

Uh, she's down there somewhere
in tights being me.

I thought it'd be fun.

Now, why do we have you
to thank for the tickets?

Uh, my mom is stuck in Hamburg,

and she was so fond
of the profile,

she just thought it'd be
a nice gesture.

I would love to introduce you to my
girlfriend. She's around here somewhere.

She's a huge fan of everything
you've done for the magazine.

- Oh, of course. Thank you.
- Yeah.

And one of my teachers
was even fired

for submitting to her.

- That was crazy.
- Yeah.

Well, that...
That is pretty crazy.

Uh, you know, I... I wonder...

has anyone ever thought
that maybe...

you could be Gossip Girl?

Me?

- Why?
- You're a student,

just like Dan Humphrey was.

Writer like him,
an outsider like him.

You can nail the voice, not to
mention the literary references.

And...

Gossip Girl was resurrected
right when you arrived

- and not a moment sooner.
- I...

I don't understand.
You think I'm...

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean
to put you on the spot like that.

Um, you wouldn't want to go
get some fresh air real quick?

There's... there's actually
a killer 99-cent pizza place

- down the block. This is...
- Oh, Zoya, there you are.

I would like to
introduce you to my friend.

- Simon?
- Ms. Yuki.

- You know her?
- Of course he knows me.

I'm his boss.

Are you Chuck Bass?

Obie, what's this about?

Yes, can someone please tell me
what's going on right now?

Simon Rivera
is not a student anywhere.

Simon Ravetch is a researcher
for New York Magazine.

Isn't that right, Mr. Ravetch?

I'll get us our table cards.

- Victor.
- So, you called him after all?

I don't know
what you're talking about.

The masked man
you were grinding on in there.

That's Rafa Caparros.

No, it's not.

I would know
those freckles anywhere.

I used to trace them
with my tongue.

I told my boyfriend
that we didn't have a chance.

- He still likes them young.
- Still?

We fucked when I was a senior.

That's his thing.

I hope he'd grown out of that.
I... I guess not.

But has he taken you
to his parents' house

in Patagonia?

So that's when you know
you're really in.

You've been impersonating
a student

because of Gossip Girl?

I was following a hunch
on who Gossip Girl could be,

all right? I began to think
that a Constance student...

this student was following
in Dan Humphrey's footsteps.

This is better than I thought.

- Obie, how did you even...
- Oh, well, my... my parents

leased Dumbo Hall,
the building it's in,

so we're founding members.

And the front desk told me
that Simon here was actually

a guest of Ben Peryer
from Condé Nast,

so I called him.

And he said that...
That Simon Ravetch

is actually a friend of a friend
who wanted to check the space out.

That he had his eye on
the front door the entire time

as if he were, and I quote,
"Looking for someone."

Me.

Ben told me about how you worked
at New York.

Linkedln said you were
a researcher, so.

- That's why you invited me here?
- Yeah.

No story is worth
one's reputation, Simon.

Maybe a couple months
transcribing podcasts

for SB Nation will remind you
of that.

This kind of drama is exactly
what Gossip Girl wants.

If you stoop to her level,
Mr. Bergmann,

you're no better than her.

Simon, let's go.

You knew and you didn't tell me.

You were excited to have
a new friend, but...

you gotta be careful, Z.
You have to be.

People like that,
they will take advantage

to get closer to people like us.

I'm not like you, Obie.
I'm outside your bubble.

Sometimes I feel like
you don't get that.

And other times, I worry
you get it too much.

That I'm just charity,
another box for you

to check in
your performative solidarity.

No, you are my girlfriend,
and I don't...

I just wish that you would act
like that sometimes.

What... what is going on with us
right now?

♪ ♪

- Hey, hey.
- Are you drunk?

I thought I was supposed
to be Greta.

I'm here all night all alone
with no... no friends, no family,

no boyfriend.
What am I supposed to do?

Like, when am I gonna get a win?

Audge, get a hold of yourself.

You're acting like your mom
at your fundraiser.

You know what, I know why.

Because she wanted attention
from the people

that loved her most.

And I didn't give it to her.

Just like you're not giving it
to me.

I know everything sucks,
and it's confusing.

I'm confused
about everything, too.

I'm changing, we're changing,
and we can't stop that.

But we can work on how we react
to those changes.

We can do better,
me, you, your mom...

It's my mom.

As if she knew.

Now maybe you get to tell
your mom you understand

- a little bit better.
- Yeah.

Hey, mom, I wanna say
I'm sorry that...

Um, no. This is Dr. Gibson.

I'm calling from the emergency
room at NewYork-Pres.

- What?
- So you're a liar.

Well, I only lied
about my parents

- to get you to talk to your dad.
- What about your students?

They were all legal.
Like you.

That's not the point.

Is this what you do?
A new student every year?

Not every year.

- And you chased me.
- Hmm.

Or did you forget?
This is still fun, Max.

When did you get so moral
all of a sudden?

Wait, Julien.

- Okay.
- Did she say what happened?

- I don't know.
- Come on.

They don't care about you.

If they don't, it's only
because I made it that way.

- Hey.
- Let go of me!

♪

Here you are. All right.
Goodnight.

I think a Kit-Kat melted.

Hey, thanks again
for helping out.

I needed it.
It was great to take

my mind off things
for a couple of hours.

Not to put your mind
back on things,

but now that the doorbell is
not ringing every five seconds...

I loved your story.

- You did?
- I did.

It was darker than I expected,
but evocative.

I can see why Zoya
looks up to you.

You're not only inspiring,
you're talented, too.

Thanks.

I... It's like
I hear you say that,

and it's so nice, but...

I wonder if I've been
obsessing over the wrong things.

I wanted to be a writer
because I wanted

to make a difference
in the world, but...

what if what I've been doing

makes a bigger difference
than my writing ever could?

You mean teaching?

- It's really powerful.
- I think so, too.

- Can I use your restroom?
- Of course, yeah.

- It's just down the hall.
- Hmm.

You thought I went somewhere?

Well, I'm back.
And better than ever.

Yes, maybe I'd begun to wonder

if I was abusing
my considerable power,

when I realized you're the ones
who do that, not me.

I'm not your parent,
your teacher, or your friend.

I'm your mirror.

I show you your bad parents,

your absent teachers,
your errant friends.

But if there's one thing
this moment of reflection

showed me, it's that this
isn't a place for you to speak.

I'm turning off the comments
from now on.

Mine is the only voice
you need to listen to anyway,

because if you were kinder
to one another, more honest,

if you had the hard
face-to-face conversations,

you wouldn't need me.
But you don't.

You bring a gun to school.
You sneak out on your boyfriend.

You hide behind your phones.

So keep your masks on all year

if you want to.

But know I'll be here
keeping count,

keeping you in check,

reflecting what you refuse
to see is right in front of you.

Hey, Nick, are... are you hungry?
Uh, I know a good diner nearby.

Everything Gossip Girl's
ever posted, it's all gone.

What does that mean?

- Clean slate.
- God, I hope so.

Ms. Hope.

Your mom's gonna be okay.

She's awake but groggy.

- Thank you so much, Doctor.
- I should warn you though.

It's gonna be a very long
and hard road to recovery.

♪

I understand.

I'm not going anywhere.

♪

♪